I'm really mad at myself for not starting the "Monday Night Karaoke Review" 4 weeks ago when we first made our decision to become Chinoe Pub Karaoke regulars. I feel like all of you readers are being jipped on some really amazing stories from the past few weeks. I sincerely apologize. I'm sorry. How sorry? Simon Birch kills Ashley Judd with a baseball sorry. That's how sorry.
In an attempt to make it up to you fine people, I will now recap every Monday Night Karaoke here on the blog. My hope is that you all will be so tempted by these tales of Karaoke's past that you choose to come out and join us on Monday nights.
Every Monday night starts out about the same. Our aggressive and deliberate attempts to become "regulars" have gone over swimmingly.
8:30 p.m. I send a mass text out to the other regulars..."See you at 9. Get our usual table." (or something to that effect)
You see, at Chinoe Pub, the karaoke stage is right up front and center (shocking). Booths line either side of the room with a large bar area in the middle. Other than the booths, there are 2 prized spots.
The d-bag table and our table.
The d-bag table is for the random assortment of people who also come every Monday night. I like to consider them our arch-rivals, even though I'm sure they literally have no idea that this is the case. My dream is that one summer night, maybe when the temperature has risen to unbearable levels and everyone is a little on edge, we have a rumble. Or a karaoke-off. Either way, I'm down.
Furthermore, the d-bag table just takes life (and karaoke) a little too seriously. They all genuinely think they are the next American Idol contestant and honestly seem to roll their eyes every time our table gets back-to-back numbers. Sorry bags of d. We got it like that.
And then there is our table. Our table. Karaoke starts promptly at 9:30 p.m. but we always have at least a few representatives arrive at 9 to lock in our table. Front and center. It's a long table that has high bar chairs. Some call it a table. I call it home.
We knew we had truly "arrived" as karaoke regulars when this week we were greeted by a smiling Eva, who already knew exactly what our first order would be from the bar.
Who is Eva? Wow. Wouldn't we all like to know.
**Editor's Note: Picture removed due to getting sued. Our bad, our bad.
That is not actually Eva. But surprisingly, pretty damn close. She is the bartender/waitress/woman who we didn't know could smile for the first 3 weeks that we knew her. She is slowly but surely warming up to us though. We have learned a lot about her. We have learned that she will not let you even sit down unless you have a valid ID with you. She doesn't like to karaoke. She might like to karaoke if she had a few shots. She still isn't a good singer, so she probably wouldn't karaoke.
Stayed tuned as we attempt to dive deeper and deeper in the true psyche of Eva.
After Eva gets us situated...We all anxiously await for 2 arrivals. The DJ & Kenny McKenny.
Kenny McKenny deserves his own blog entirely, and actually...I have written a bit on him before. He makes his grand entrance every week when he walks in with his Roll-Easy walker. He could be all of our grandpas. He has a smile of gold and the voice of an angel. They always let him start the night off with a number....which by the way, he sings from his booth. They bring the mic to him. If you aren't a regular, like us, you might even be confused and think to yourself "I hear someone singing...but I don't see anyone standing up there" until you realize that the sweet sound of love is coming from the booth just to your right (or left...he's not too picky).
Kenny McKenny sings the same 2 songs every week. Although if you go up to him and start a conversation (which almost all of us have and feel comfortable doing so now)....if you ask him what song he is going to sing next, he always acts real up-in-the-air about it...like he's NOT going to sing "Unchained Melody" in an hour.
Spoiler Alert: He always sings Unchained Melody in an hour.
This week our interaction with Kenny McKenny went one step further. Amy, the bold one in the bunch, wanted to take her dance moves to a new level. She asked Kenny if she could use his walker as a prop. What ensued were a number of pictures that honestly cause me to experience sensory overload due to shear absurdity.
These pictures bring me to my next order of business when reviewing karaoke Monday this week. You may have noticed a new face in the background of these pictures who is actually the one singing. That's our friend......well, I don't know her name actually and she certainly is not our friend (Editor's Note: Kristen has just informed that her name Is Maddie...which is far too sweet for her. Let's just call her Diva). At least, not entirely. One minute she is full on dancing to our songs as we karaoke and the next minute she might walk by and flick us off. It's a love-hate relationship and we just learn to accept that from her. Harder to accept from her? (Before reading the next sentence, please scroll up to the 1st picture of Amy and the walker) Pulling down her little black dress to reveal her bra....perhaps a bathing suit? Hard to say for sure. Either way, she made the choice to make some revelations in her performance and I'm not talking about the biblical kind.
Speaking of new friends and acquaintances that we've made during our time at Chinoe....I must take the time to introduce you to Demetri.
That's Demetri....singing an "Endless Love" duet with our good friend Jill. Naturally. Anyway, Demetri always shows up fashionably late....right around the point in the evening when you are ready to hear a little R. Kelly "Bump N Grind." He delivers. He's always good for at least one baby-making song such as that, or a sultry duet with one of our friends.
This week though...Demetri was not only fashionably late...but he made one hell of an entrance.
He walked up behind Amy and pretended (I saw a little panic in her eye though) to strangle her from behind. Oh Demetri, you're so silly. Then he walked up to Hallye (who he had never met before) and said, "You better keep your hands off me!" (Okay Demetri...we'll try). Then he walked up to Sarah (who he sang and danced with 2 weeks ago...pre-her engagement--congrats Sarah!!), and noticed the rock on her left finger. He picked up a near empty pitcher and raised it over his head as he moved toward her and motioned as if he was going to beat her over the head with it, presumably because she went and got herself engaged without asking him. I told her to consult with him first. Can't say I didn't warn ya Sarah.
Did I mention that Demetri also can predict the future? See....he knew Hallye wouldn't be able to keep her hands off of him. Just call him Miss Cleo....but probably not to his face. He might beat you with a pitcher or strangle you. Or serenade you. He's a wild card, that one.
(Hallye & Demetri sitting in a tree......)
We always manage to leave the karaoke crowd at Chinoe Pub in limbo. Sometimes I am certain that they hate us and want to remove Mondays permanently from the calendar. Other times, I think they want to hoist us on their shoulder and carry us around victoriously after a performance. We are, to put it nicely, a real "hit-or-miss" bunch.
For example, HIT: "Cameltoe", by anyone at all
(Fix yourself girl.....you got a cameltoe)
The song "Cameltoe" randomly never misses with this crowd. They eat it up. Pun intended.
HIT: Toni Cannon's "Children's Songs"
This is not an actual picture of Toni singing a children's song, but rest assured that we will get one next week. We randomly signed Toni up to sing "The Alphabet Song" (Yes....A, B, C, D , E.....Now I know my ABC's....that song) last week and now she sings one selection from the Children's Song selection each week. This week it was "I'm A Little Teapot." The performance and song choice always catch the crowd off-guard, but in the best way possible. Standing ovation every. single. time.
MISS: Any duet that Sarah McLeod and I perform to start the night....
Each night when we arrive, Sarah and I think that we pick a great opening act. We always pick a duet. Each night, we kill it. And by kill it I mean make people want to kill them, or us, or puppies. All I know is that they want to kill something. I used to think we tried real hard to pick a good duet, but now we have just decided that our awful opening duets are a good way to warm the crowd up so that even the worst singers or shyest in the bunch realize that they can't possible do any worse than us.
HIT: Our second duet of the night..."I've Had the Time of My Life"
Sometimes in karaoke, you just get lucky. You nail it. You don't even see it coming. When Sarah McLeod and I signed up to sing "I've Had the Time of My Life," we did in fact have a little something up our sleeves. We had no idea it would be such a hit though.
As soon as the song started, everyone hit the dancefloor. Unexpected bonus. The song itself.....it was okay. We did alright. The moment that will live on in karaoke history for all of time?
We performed an "across-the-room" lift, just like the one in the movie "Dirty Dancing." Just try to visualize a very tall Sarah McLeod running at me and jumping into my arms as I lift her to the ceiling at the perfect moment. Karaoke bliss.
HIT: Sarah McLeod singing "Wind Beneath My Wings" solo style
The song was ballsy right from the start. But the dedication before she started singing was the moment of brilliance.
"This song goes out to everyone in the room who's ever had a mother, or a father.....or.....a guidance counselor."
Yep. She nailed it.