Tucker's Tales


Worry Wart

Posted by Ally Tucker on October 2, 2011 at 7:30 PM Comments comments (2)

Worry warts: People who stress about things that are simply not worth stressing about. We all know one--maybe even 2 or 3. I can't stand them. The only thing worse than a worry wart is a genital wart (for definition please contact Rick Pitino--I heard he has visual aids as well).  

Anyway, now that we've identified what a worry wart is, I had what I would without a doubt call "the greatest/funniest text conversation of my life" yesterday with fellow blogger Kristen Geil. While most people probably spent their Saturday night painting the town red, we spent our Saturday night giggling over our phones and contributing to our own early onset carpel tunnel by texting our little hearts out to one another. What were we texting about exactly? Well, our worries. Sort of. 

Let us start at the beginning....

Okay, maybe that's a little too far back. Let us start at the beginning of "the greatest text conversation of all time...."

Fellow blogger Kristen Geil and I began poking fun/questioning an event we had heard about that was getting a lot of buzz in the Lexington area this past weekend (DayGlo). Still not at all sure what it is, but I assume some people were there and they were not sober. And let's be honest, it's Lexington so I'm sure some people were there wearing their FRATurday best (easter egg colored polo shirts, short khakis, stitched belts, sunglasses with that stupid little rubber connector on them and boat shoes). I started to feel a little bit guilty for making fun of the event, unsure whether or not it was supporting a good cause or not. Kristen was fairly positive that it was not, but couldn't say with 100% certainty. So the best conversation ever started a little something like this:

My Text:  "I feel bad for making fun of it if it's for like cleft lips or something."

Kristen's Test: "Or abused animals. But god those cleft lip babies are sad."

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Case and point. Anyway, the texting continued...

My Text: "I want to start a charity that gives every child w/ a cleft lip an abused puppy." 

*Editor's Note: Dibs on that idea....no one better steal it!

Kristen's Text: "That's a great idea except aren't most of the cleft palate babies in third world countries? They'd eat the dogs."

My Text: "Well...perhaps it is a quicker means to the ultimate end."

*Editor's Note:  If you do not know Kristen or myself very well, please take our sense of humor with a grain of salt....

Kristen's Text: "LOL. PETA will have your ass"

The next text will be remembered as a defining moment in time, much like Jorts Day or Pearl Harbor...

My Text: "I'm worried about PETA like I'm worried about playing Bryan Station."

Kristen's Text: "Like I'm worried about Morgan Newton leaving UK to go pro."

Can you see a pattern starting to form? The next 2 hours of our lives were spent in a back and forth text/Twitter banter with various "Like I'm worried about...." statements. I will now share with you some of the highlights.

"Like I'm worried about Billy Gillespie's success in rehab." (Kristen)

"Like I'm worried about Casey Anthony being given the green light by an adoption agency." (Ally)

"Like I'm worried about Katherine Heigl catching Meryl Streep in Oscar Nominations."(Ally)

"Like I'm worried about a Jonas Brother getting an STD."   (Kristen)

"Like I'm worried about Ellen DeGeneres getting pregnant."   (Ally)

"Like I'm worried about Kanye West losing his confidence."  (Kristen)

"Like I'm worried about Beyonce' and Jay-Z's baby being ugly."  (Kristen)

"Like I'm worried about Chaz Bono being anorexic." (Ally)

"Like I'm worried about Nikki Minaj ditching celebrity for a corporate 9-5." (Kristen)

"Like I'm worried about us losing our karaoke crowns."   (Kristen)

"Like I'm worried about Coach Cal losing his password to his Twitter." (Ally)

"Like I'm worried about when the new Twilight movie comes out."   (Kristen)

"Like I'm worried about Jennifer Aniston ever finding love."   (Kristen)

"Like I'm worried about Lindsay Lohan making it to 25." (Ally)

"Like I'm worried about losing to Michael J. Fox in a "sit like a statue" contest" (Ally)

"Like I'm worried about Paris and Nicole's friendship." (Kristen)

"Like I'm worried about George Clooney settling down."  (Kristen)

"Like I'm worried about Pete Wentz running out of eyeliner."  (Kristen)

"Like I'm worried about @oldmansearch catching on to the trick."   (Kristen)
*If you don't follow him on Twitter, you HAVE TO

"Like I'm worried about MySpace making a comeback."   (Ally)

"Like I'm worried about this game ever getting old."  (Ally)

"Like I'm worried about whether or not we have funnier conversations than ANYONE." (Kristen)

"Like I'm worried about whether or not sportscasters say it as THE Ohio State University." (kristen)

"Like I'm worried that they will bring back Lion King 1 1/2 for 3-D"  (Ally)

"Like I'm worried about Lil Wayne getting sober."   (Kristen)

"Like I'm worried about Lil Wayne having camel toe."  (Ally)

"Like I'm worried about Justin Bieber saying NEVER."  (Ally)

"Like I'm worried about MTV showing a music video." (Ally)

"Like I'm worried about Doug running out of clean sweater vests and khaki shorts."  (Kristen)

"Like I'm worried about Hope Solo's dating life after the Women's World Cup."  (Ally)

"Like I'm worried about DeGrassi running out of plot twists. This episode alone has love, fights
between rival schools, rape and testicular cancer." (Kristen)

"Like I'm worried about not getting any mass texts this Christmas." (Ally)

I'm not sure if anyone else will find this conversation as amusing as we did, but we sure entertained ourselves pretty well with it. Feel free to add more "Like I'm worried about..." statements in the comments box. We love crowd participation. 

I'm worried that you all won't like this blog entry like I'm worried that Jamie Lee Curtis didn't have a bowel movement today...."Activiaaaaaaaaa!"

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Hypothetical Tweets from Peru

Posted by Kristen Geil on June 21, 2011 at 10:55 PM Comments comments (2)

I've bee in Peru the past couple of weeks... but guess what guys-

And I missed you!

How's that for picture juxtaposition?

For those of you who don't know, I've been in Peru on a mountain climbing trip for a couple of weeks. It was an awesome trip and I loved it, but I had limited access to technology. More than a few times a day, I found myself thinking something immediately followed by "I wish I could tweet that."

Well lucky for you all, I started writing my fake tweets down and will now attempt to commemorate my trip using this method. Chronological order. Enjoy, readers.

*Clay courts in a seaside cliff park. Where's @tuckally when I need her?

*Quechua women dress sassy. 

*I refuse to eat guinea pig here, even if it's the national speciality. #sorryimnotsorry

*This may be my last tweet. I'm in a bus on a bumpy road winding along a cliff.

*But at least I'm riding first class. #priorities

*No llamas to carry my stuff. I guess donkeys will do.

*I thought bugs were in the jungle, not the mountains.... aghhhh #nobugspray

* For being on a 9 day trek, I feel like a princess #singletent

*Singing out loud as I hike. Clearly missing #MNK

*Revelation: Hiking = WALKING

*Livestock traffic jam. One lane blocked. 

*#Thingsiwishibrought: Uggs, febreze, bug spray

*I just had a three course meal in a dining tent with candles and tablecloth- at a campsite in a Peruvian valley. #confusion

*I may be in a tent, but I still sleep with my sleep mask #diva @contwy

*Nosebleed. So this is what it feels like to be @twitterlessbeckygonch

*I miss watching music videos in the dark with @laysonbelle

*The constant smell of cow dung on the trail reminds me of Double Stink Hog Farm. Oddly comforting,

*@twitterlessbeckygonch let me use her backpack and I keep finding remnants of her. Earrings, iPod charger, speeding ticket, blue M&M...

*Another day, another hike to a glacial lake.

*Our guide, Rudolfo, hikes with his hands in his pockets #casual

*Just saw the mountain in the Paramount pictures logo! I feel famous

*Washed my hair on some rocks by the side of a river #mermaidtweet

*Just passed a fellow hiker- old Asian man in a blue bonnet with clouds on it. Where is @twitterlessbeckygonch?

*#ifiwereaboy I wouldn't be dehydrated from avoiding going to the bathroom by not drinking enough

*Learning how to tie climbing knots is way too complicated for someone who still uses bunny ears to tie her shoes. 

*Our cook, Jorge, hikes in pinstripe pants #nobigdeal

*Hairwrap holding up surprisingly well

*Our campsite tonight is overrun by sheep and burros. At least I'll be warm tonight.

*At base camp. It's so windy I'm legit nervous me and my tent will blow away tonight.

*Mountain crevasse rescue training is a million times scarier than any lifeguard training.

*24 hours from now I will have had a hot shower in a real bathroom #paradise

*Oh, and I'll have summitted a mountain too #afterthought

*When you wake up at 2 am to climb a mountain, it's only natural to listen to "Look At Me Now" and eat Oreos to psych yourself up.

*We are walking up a snow hill in heavy boots. My calves are screaming and I want to cry. Rudolfo, meanwhile, is casually chatting with a solo climber. Typical.

*I just jumped over an ice crevasse. I JUST JUMPED OVER AN ICE CREVASSE

*Ice climbing a 60 degree incline wall. Rudolfo, of course, did it without ropes.

*Near the top! Clouds look like cotton candy.

* SUMMIT! Not as glamorous as I'd imagined. Clinging to an ice wall because no one knows where the snow turns into bottomless abyss.

*On the way down. Rappelling in ice and snow is a far way from my previous training at Cathedral Domain

*Another ice crevasse jump aaaaand back on solid ground. Thank God.

*Wait we still have to hike 2 hours to the road carrying all our gear? #fuck

*My backpack is so heavy that I'm sure if I fall I'm going to look like a turtle that's stuck on its shell.

*Car! Road! Civilization!

*Driving through Peruvian countryside is only enhanced by the melodies of Keke Palmer.

*Hot shower! Pizza Beer! Bed! And a summit to boot. In the words of Lonely Island, "If I had to describe the feeling, it was the best

*Got my picture taken with llamas wearing sunglasses. I can come home now.

*First class bus ride back to Lima. Wifi is great, food sucks. At least I got to watch that Percy Jackson movie?

*11 am Mass at the Catedral de Lima. I'm a better Catholic abroad than I am at home. #sorrymom

*Michael Jackson impersonators doing street performances! Possibly the highlight of the trip.

* Police shut them down so they moved to a department store. Poor yellow hippo is about to get overshadowed.

*Spent my last day in Lima being super American. Starbucks, Burger King, and the X Men movie. #longhairdontcare

*Peruvian airport drugstores sell Xanax at $5 a pop. Why can't all cities be this enlightened?

And finally- the tweet my trip ended on:

*Wheels up in Lexington. I didn't buy a tshirt in Peru, but got two UK ones in the airport. #longhairdontcare

Nothing like being back in the Bluegrass. GO CATS!

Monday Night Karaoke 6/6/11 Recap

Posted by Ally Tucker on June 7, 2011 at 10:15 PM Comments comments (1)

I mean really, who feels this way about Mondays? Ever? 

Well, I'm here to tell you that I do! Monday is without question my favorite day of the week now. Taking a quote from the great Movie Office Space, "Looks like someone has a case of the Mondays." 

Why yes, I do have a case of the Mondays and I hope it's impossible to cure!

Once again Monday Night Karaoke (#MNK on Twitter) was a huge success. In fact, we might have had the largest crowd we've ever had since we've been coming. Two particularly wonderful things happened that made this Monday a cut above the rest:

1) My sister, an original karaoke regular, drove in from Louisville to take in the scene for the first time.

2) We got a picture of Kenny McKenny (If you haven't heard the back-story by now on Kenny McKenny....please go back and read the previous karaoke blog entries....OR enjoy this brief summary: Kenny is our old man regular friend who gets a ride from Hospice every week to karaoke Monday. He comes in with his Roll-Easy walker, takes his seat in the booth, signs up for the same 2 songs--usually, and sings from his booth. Yep, they bring him the microphone as you can see from the picture. He also cracks the same joke every time he walks in... "What are you guys doing up so early?" He also told us that karaoke keeps him alive

(Kenny background...sister's bracelet foreground)

Our group took Monday Night Karaoke to a whole new level this week though. We pulled out all the stops. We didn't simply sing, we performed. We got a little "creative." Toni Cannon was the star of the night with her talents brilliant ideas. 

"Hey Tucker, let's sing a song together. You stand in front with the main microphone and I will sit on the stool behind you so no one can really see me. I will sing behind you and you will lip sing the lyrics."

Best idea Toni has ever had (my opinion, she thinks that is short-changing her life. It's not). 

The idea became even more of a homerun when she suggested the particular song we would sing....

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Toni picked Cher's "If I Could Turn Back Time." Toni has a strange ability to do weird imitations of certain artists with her voice. Luckily for the crowd, Cher might just be her speciality. Although we don't have a video (this is why you have to actually come to Monday Night Karaoke people), trust me when I say that her singing of that song was quite possibly one of the funniest moments of my life. I had trouble keeping my composure enough to mouth the lyrics as she sang them. After we finished our performance, I think the DJ was ready to propose marriage, or at least job opportunities to both of us. He simply said: "You're hired."  I don't know exactly what he meant by this, but I will probably show up an hour early next Monday to help him set up and expect a paycheck at the end. 

(Bonus points if you can find Toni in the picture)

If you recall from earlier, I proclaimed that Toni was the star of the night. My next story will prove that even further. If you frequent the karaoke scene, you know that one of the most popular duets sung by man and woman is the classic "Summer Lovin" from Grease. Good song. But been there, done that. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a million times........until Toni and Albert got ahold of it.

At first glance you may not see much to fuss over in this picture, other than perhaps a man wearing a pink shirt. Well, again, the story is much better if you were there to witness it in person BUT let's just say that Toni took the liberty of singing Danny's (the male) part and Albert made a very fancy Sandy. Toni got low. Albert got high. And the audience got a treat. I'm not going to say there was sexual chemistry between the two, but I'm not going to completely rule it out either.....

One of the other highlights of the night was the plethora of newcomers to the scene. One of my favorite parts about Monday Night Karaoke is watching people experience it for the first time. Reading about it or hearing stories about it is one thing, but actually taking in the whole atmosphere for yourself is quite another. If you haven't come out to experience it yet, you are really missing out. That is all I can say.

Whenever someone comes for the first time, they always start out bashful. They aren't quite sure if they want to perform or not. 

"I just want to watch for now...." "Maybe I'll sing later...." They all have the same lines. Somehow as the night goes on someone finally convinces them to get up there and sing a duet with them. I can't describe the turn of events but about halfway through the song--they start to loosen up and love is in the air. I'm talking about the act of falling in love with karaoke. As soon as they come back to their seats, they are grabbing the karaoke song books and finding their next number. They can hardly sign up fast enough. It's incredible but it happens every time. 

For example, Sarah Burns and Katrina Deely were both karaoke virgins and finally took the stage. Deely left proclaiming.....

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"I'll be back" (for those of you too lazy to watch the video)

Sarah Burns didn't make as certain of a statement, but I'm pretty sure she had a good time. Next time she may stand within 20 feet of the microphone though so we can actually hear her sing...

Another pair of first timers were Charley and Philip. They did a precious little duet to the song "Damnit, Janet." Philip really nailed it and Charley wiggled around the stage and was just generally precious. 

Katie and Tyler giggled and wiggled their way through "Goodbye Earl" for their first karaoke song ever....

And of course, our friend Pasco, as is the case with most newcomers.... was sniffed out like a drug dog by Demetri (one of our regular pals) and serenaded her with "Bump N' Grind." She didn't hate it...

And then Toni took the stage for her usual number of the night. She always does a song selection from the Children's Song section. She lets me pick. So far she has hit her Karaoke Dougie with numbers such as "The Alphabet Song" and "I'm A Little Tea Cup." This week I signed her up for "The Ants Go Marching."

Now guys...honestly...who doesn't know that song? 

Answer: Toni

Someone she could not quite figure out the melody and timing. But she did march rather furiously until she got to about ant #4....and then she shouted into the microphone:

"Oh my God, how many ants are there?"

Ten, Toni. There are ten ants. 

A few of us joined her on stage to march it out and try to help her find the correct melody. Very high maintenance that Toni.

My favorite part of the night though was probably a very subtle moment....

If you all have been keeping up with the karaoke blogs, you would know that we have karaoke rivals. Other than us, there is really only one other large group of karaokers that come to Monday Night Karaoke. We always get there first and get the big middle table. They always take the side table. 

We had so many people though that we had to take up their table. Okay, we probably didn't have to....but we did. The silent battle with the d-bag table at karaoke has begun. 

Our group: 1 D-Bag Table:  0

Stay tuned....

Oh and also, there was an air-violin solo.  I performed "You Raise Me Up" by Josh Groban and dedicated it to my sister. It was emotional. 

Also, Toni has had other good ideas....

Memorial Day Karaoke Recap

Posted by Kristen Geil on May 31, 2011 at 7:40 PM Comments comments (1)

Hope everyone had a great Memorial Day  weekend. While you were drinking beer and setting off fireworks at your cookouts, Ally Tucker and I were hustling down Bluegrass Parkway, leaving Nonesuch in the rearview mirror to get to Chinoe Pub in time to get Our Table. Don't worry, we succeeded.

I admit, we were a little anxious going into this week's karaoke extravaganza. The long weekend meant our numbers were scarce. But Tucker, Sarah Z, our friend Becky and I took our table with confidence and plotted our the night's moves. 

I am terrified that this came up in my search results.

Anyway, the night quickly got interesting with another karaoke regular and blog fan stumbled in... literally. As she approached our table and took her seat, she took a cue from Usher and revealed, "Guys, I have a confession to make... I'm DRRRRRUUUUNNKKKSSKSZHHGHCCH." Or at least, that's what it sounded like. Ambitious as always, she grabbed about 45 bar napkins and eagerly started writing down her song choices for the night. Among the options- Celine Dion and Elton John's "BBBenny and the Jets." 

Let me take a moment to describe who else was in the bar. Kenny, as usual, in his booth looking dapper. Our karaoke rivals, who we came to find out included a girl from Springfield. Another old man dressed for the occasion (you'll see how in a minute). A blond woman sporting a red and black bustier under a see through black top and super tight jeans that created the ever-unpleasant muffin top effect, and a person I thought was her son all night but was recently informed was a female, wearing jorts and a baseball cap. Oh, and an Indian family wearing saris. I think the "melting pot" metaphor is appropriate here. 

First up of the night were the trashy mom and gender-ambiguous child. I'll call them Rihanna and Jay-Z, because the first song they chose was "Umbrella." It started off on the wrong foot when Jay Z didn't know the words or pace of the rap introduction. Very painful. Rihanna, surprisingly, could carry a tune in her black stilettos, and somewhat saved the song. Jay Z was quite aloof when Rihanna was performing, even texting on stage at one point. Rude, especially considering that Rihanna announced to the bar that she had paid for Jay Z's college education and books. 

After Sarah's solid and appropriate version of Dixie Chicks "Travelin Soldier," it was good old Kenny's turn. Now, Kenny must have been feeling a little crazy tonight- maybe celebrating the long weekend?- but he sang a song other than Unchained Melody and Fools Rush In. Let me repeat that- HE CHANGED IT UP! The bold man sang "Let Me Be There," another crooning country song, and was thrilled to find out he had a duet partner in our little intoxicated friend. She faithfully echoed his every line with great emotion and acted out the lyrics. After the song was over, we cheered and the DJ started to collect Kenny's mike. Suddenly, Kenny squawks in a high-pitched tone of voice. I can't remember what he said, but it was clear that he was mimicking our table and getting a little sassy. I think that means he likes us.

At long last, it was Drunky's turn to sing her chosen song. And who does she call up there to assist her but Ally Tucker. What was the song, you ask? None other than B-B-Benny and the Jets, by Elton John. A song liked by most everyone... until this. I am not exaggerating when I say that may have been the worst 4.5 minutes of my life. That song is a Karaoke Bomb. I'm sorry, guys. No matter how enthusiastically you screeched "BENNY! BENNY" the song was as un-saveable as the Titanic. It sunk, and possibly killed our credibility once and for all.

When the two brave souls took their seats, the DJ called Ally Tucker right back up, and me with her. Although we were a little shook, we went. We performed "Hero" by Enrique Iglesias, and although it's hard to say, I think it was a decent number. The range was pretty low, not a lot of "ooohs" and "aaahs" to suffer through, and the subject matter of the song is something we can all relate to. 

Demitri showed up around this time, and Becky immediately decided to become his best friend. He engaged us in the usual chatter and right away called out our friend for being "f----- up already." Later, he expressed serious concern that she was an alcoholic, and repeatedly informed us that alcoholism is an actual disease and not just a bad habit. He told us he was in two bands, which I can semi-believe. Then he abruptly asked me where my little black boyfriend was.. yes, I was confused too. When I looked quizzical, he specified, "You know, the one from Cincinnati?" and we suddenly understood. He thought I was my friend Annie D and her boyfriend Jabel (who, by the way, is not black- but Indian). 

Sure, I see where he could get us mixed up.

Demitri has apparently come to know our group quite well, because he asks where our little toy is. Again, we are baffled, but he quickly clarifies, "You know, the little short one? Y'all should start calling her Toy, cuz she's always playin'. Like when she was playin' with Kenny's walker. That girl nuts." Amy, maybe you should be a little worried that Demitri- DEMITRI- thinks you're nuts. 

(But I still love your pony t-shirt)

Other unremarkable things happened- a bro singing Dave Matthews Band, a really cute guy with a good voice making us swoon with "Georgia on my Mind," Rihanna and a girl friend singing some song that obviously made no impression, a mischievous friend changing the background on Tucker's phone to an orange and yellow skull, etc- but the surprise hit of the night came from Sarah and first time karaoker Becky Goncharoff. The two surprised us all with a heartfelt rendition of Britney Spears' "I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman." Since I just graduated college this weekend, I could really relate to the song. Plus, it is a perfect karaoke tune with some fun high notes to hit, and I think Becky even harmonized some. Well done, ladies.

The indisputable highlight of the night, however, came with the old man sitting alone at the bar. He hobbled up to the stage- Dan, or Don, was his name- and serenaded us with "It Was A Very Good Year." He was precious, but that didn't distract from the fact that he knew nothing of the pace of the song. Still, he was dressed for Memorial Day success, and he earned our undying love. 

Try and tell me you don't love him already.

Tucker and Sarah closed it out for our group for the night with "God Bless the USA." I proudly stood up every time the lyrics told me to. The lyrics screen had a fun little surprise for us, too- anytime they mentioned USA, it looked like USA. AWESOME. 

We tried to leave right after that, but couldn't leave before Kenny's final song, "Lady in Red." He was definitely feeling sassy last night. Happy Memorial Day!

Monday Night Karaoke Review

Posted by Ally Tucker on May 24, 2011 at 2:30 PM Comments comments (5)

I'm really mad at myself for not starting the "Monday Night Karaoke Review" 4 weeks ago when we first made our decision to become Chinoe Pub Karaoke regulars. I feel like all of you readers are being jipped on some really amazing stories from the past few weeks. I sincerely apologize. I'm sorry. How sorry? Simon Birch kills Ashley Judd with a baseball sorry. That's how sorry. 

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In an attempt to make it up to you fine people, I will now recap every Monday Night Karaoke here on the blog. My hope is that you all will be so tempted by these tales of Karaoke's past that you choose to come out and join us on Monday nights.

Every Monday night starts out about the same. Our aggressive and deliberate attempts to become "regulars" have gone over swimmingly. 

8:30 p.m.  I send a mass text out to the other regulars..."See you at 9. Get our usual table." (or something to that effect)

You see, at Chinoe Pub, the karaoke stage is right up front and center (shocking). Booths line either side of the room with a large bar area in the middle. Other than the booths, there are 2 prized spots. 

The d-bag table and our table. 

The d-bag table is for the random assortment of people who also come every Monday night. I like to consider them our arch-rivals, even though I'm sure they literally have no idea that this is the case. My dream is that one summer night, maybe when the temperature has risen to unbearable levels and everyone is a little on edge, we have a rumble. Or a karaoke-off. Either way, I'm down. 

Furthermore, the d-bag table just takes life (and karaoke) a little too seriously. They all genuinely think they are the next American Idol contestant and honestly seem to roll their eyes every time our table gets back-to-back numbers. Sorry bags of d. We got it like that. 

And then there is our table. Our table.  Karaoke starts promptly at 9:30 p.m. but we always have at least a few representatives arrive at 9 to lock in our table. Front and center. It's a long table that has high bar chairs. Some call it a table. I call it home. 

We knew we had truly "arrived" as karaoke regulars when this week we were greeted by a smiling Eva, who already knew exactly what our first order would be from the bar. 

Who is Eva? Wow. Wouldn't we all like to know. 

**Editor's Note: Picture removed due to getting sued. Our bad, our bad. 

That is not actually Eva. But surprisingly, pretty damn close. She is the bartender/waitress/woman who we didn't know could smile for the first 3 weeks that we knew her. She is slowly but surely warming up to us though. We have learned a lot about her. We have learned that she will not let you even sit down unless you have a valid ID with you. She doesn't like to karaoke. She might like to karaoke if she had a few shots. She still isn't a good singer, so she probably wouldn't karaoke. 

Stayed tuned as we attempt to dive deeper and deeper in the true psyche of Eva. 

After Eva gets us situated...We all anxiously await for 2 arrivals. The DJ & Kenny McKenny. 

Kenny McKenny deserves his own blog entirely, and actually...I have written a bit on him before. He makes his grand entrance every week when he walks in with his Roll-Easy walker. He could be all of our grandpas. He has a smile of gold and the voice of an angel. They always let him start the night off with a number....which by the way, he sings from his booth. They bring the mic to him. If you aren't a regular, like us, you might even be confused and think to yourself "I hear someone singing...but I don't see anyone standing up there" until you realize that the sweet sound of love is coming from the booth just to your right (or left...he's not too picky). 

Kenny McKenny sings the same 2 songs every week. Although if you go up to him and start a conversation (which almost all of us have and feel comfortable doing so now)....if you ask him what song he is going to sing next, he always acts real up-in-the-air about it...like he's NOT going to sing "Unchained Melody" in an hour. 

Spoiler Alert: He always sings Unchained Melody in an hour.

This week our interaction with Kenny McKenny went one step further. Amy, the bold one in the bunch, wanted to take her dance moves to a new level. She asked Kenny if she could use his walker as a prop. What ensued were a number of pictures that honestly cause me to experience sensory overload due to shear absurdity.


These pictures bring me to my next order of business when reviewing karaoke Monday this week. You may have noticed a new face in the background of these pictures who is actually the one singing. That's our friend......well, I don't know her name actually and she certainly is not our friend (Editor's Note: Kristen has just informed that her name Is Maddie...which is far too sweet for her. Let's just call her Diva). At least, not entirely. One minute she is full on dancing to our songs as we karaoke and the next minute she might walk by and flick us off. It's a love-hate relationship and we just learn to accept that from her. Harder to accept from her? (Before reading the next sentence, please scroll up to the 1st picture of Amy and the walker) Pulling down her little black dress to reveal her bra....perhaps a bathing suit? Hard to say for sure. Either way, she made the choice to make some revelations in her performance and I'm not talking about the biblical kind. 

Speaking of new friends and acquaintances that we've made during our time at Chinoe....I must take the time to introduce you to Demetri. 

That's Demetri....singing an "Endless Love" duet with our good friend Jill. Naturally. Anyway, Demetri always shows up fashionably late....right around the point in the evening when you are ready to hear a little R. Kelly "Bump N Grind." He delivers. He's always good for at least one baby-making song such as that, or a sultry duet with one of our friends. 

This week though...Demetri was not only fashionably late...but he made one hell of an entrance.

He walked up behind Amy and pretended (I saw a little panic in her eye though) to strangle her from behind. Oh Demetri, you're so silly. Then he walked up to Hallye (who he had never met before) and said, "You better keep your hands off me!" (Okay Demetri...we'll try). Then he walked up to Sarah (who he sang and danced with 2 weeks ago...pre-her engagement--congrats Sarah!!), and noticed the rock on her left finger. He picked up a near empty pitcher and raised it over his head as he moved toward her and motioned as if he was going to beat her over the head with it, presumably because she went and got herself engaged without asking him. I told her to consult with him first. Can't say I didn't warn ya Sarah. 

Did I mention that Demetri also can predict the future? See....he knew Hallye wouldn't be able to keep her hands off of him. Just call him Miss Cleo....but probably not to his face. He might beat you with a pitcher or strangle you. Or serenade you. He's a wild card, that one.

(Hallye & Demetri sitting in a tree......)

Moving on....

We always manage to leave the karaoke crowd at Chinoe Pub in limbo. Sometimes I am certain that they hate us and want to remove Mondays permanently from the calendar. Other times, I think they want to hoist us on their shoulder and carry us around victoriously after a performance. We are, to put it nicely, a real "hit-or-miss" bunch. 

For example, HIT: "Cameltoe", by anyone at all

(Fix yourself girl.....you got a cameltoe)

The song "Cameltoe" randomly never misses with this crowd. They eat it up. Pun intended. 

HIT: Toni Cannon's "Children's Songs"

This is not an actual picture of Toni singing a children's song, but rest assured that we will get one next week. We randomly signed Toni up to sing "The Alphabet Song" (Yes....A, B, C, D , E.....Now I know my ABC's....that song) last week and now she sings one selection from the Children's Song selection each week. This week it was "I'm A Little Teapot." The performance and song choice always catch the crowd off-guard, but in the best way possible. Standing ovation every. single. time.

MISS: Any duet that Sarah McLeod and I perform to start the night....

Each night when we arrive, Sarah and I think that we pick a great opening act. We always pick a duet. Each night, we kill it. And by kill it I mean make people want to kill them, or us, or puppies. All I know is that they want to kill something. I used to think we tried real hard to pick a good duet, but now we have just decided that our awful opening duets are a good way to warm the crowd up so that even the worst singers or shyest in the bunch realize that they can't possible do any worse than us.

HIT: Our second duet of the night..."I've Had the Time of My Life"

Sometimes in karaoke, you just get lucky. You nail it. You don't even see it coming. When Sarah McLeod and I signed up to sing "I've Had the Time of My Life," we did in fact have a little something up our sleeves. We had no idea it would be such a hit though. 

As soon as the song started, everyone hit the dancefloor. Unexpected bonus. The song itself.....it was okay. We did alright. The moment that will live on in karaoke history for all of time?


We performed an "across-the-room" lift, just like the one in the movie "Dirty Dancing." Just try to visualize a very tall Sarah McLeod running at me and jumping into my arms as I lift her to the ceiling at the perfect moment. Karaoke bliss. 

HIT:  Sarah McLeod singing "Wind Beneath My Wings" solo style

The song was ballsy right from the start. But the dedication before she started singing was the moment of brilliance.

"This song goes out to everyone in the room who's ever had a mother, or a father.....or.....a guidance counselor."

Yep. She nailed it.

U(r)sher Concert: "Take That & Rewind It Back"

Posted by Ally Tucker on May 19, 2011 at 3:30 PM Comments comments (0)
(the man, the myth, the Ursh)

**Disclaimer: I started writing this entry on Thursday and am just now finishing it....so keep that in mind when it comes to which tense the stories are being written in....

We went to an U(r)sher concert in Columbus, Ohio last night. "Please tell your lovers and friends, that Kristen, Tuck and Layson had to do it again." 

Sometimes in life, it is hard to find a way to best share an experience that you had with others who were not there. I'm not sure that this blog entry, which will be a joint effort between both myself and Kristen, will do it justice but we shall try. 

I feel the most appropriate way to share some of the best moments of the night is through some of Usher's greatest songs.....pairing each memory with a song...


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Perhaps the greatest moment of the entire experience happened when we were met with standstill traffic on the highway just before the exit to Ohio State's basketball stadium, where the concert was held. At first, naturally, we were annoyed by the sudden stop in traffic. Then came Kristen's famous words:

"What is this, some kind of chain gang?"

Well, not exactly.... but close enough. All of the sudden a random stream of men looked to be racing each other down the line of cars on the highway. They were randomly stopping at certain cars, racing past others--often looking to be in competition with one another. They just kept coming too. At first it was 2 or 3, then it was 8 or 9. And then we realized what they were doing....

Illegally selling nearly naked Usher shirts of course! 

Our windows were rolled up at first as the men ran by our car, literally pulling bundles of Usher shirts out of their pants. Out of shear curiosity we decided to roll down our window and just enquire about the cost. 

"Twenty dollars." 

Initially, we found the price to be a bit steep. 

And then we saw one of the Usher t-shirt toting men scramble out of the bushes. No, seriously....a line of trees/shrubbery/bushes lining the highway and this man just walks out of them casually--no big deal, with a box of presumably more Usher shirts. 
(slight dramatization...)

The line suddenly started to move and we had only moments to make the best decision of our lives. We decided to yell at the man creeping through a box in the forest (exposing his entire crack to the line of cars) and try to get some of those Usher shirts. We were literally throwing all of our money into a pile in Kristen's hands. 

To try to explain the next 10-20 seconds of interaction that took place between us and Cracky McCrackerson is impossible. In a nutshell, he ran up to our car as we were supposed to be moving forward.... Kristen yelled "we want 3 shirts!" He shouted back "50 dollars!" I shouted "We'll take 3 for 40." (We later figured that we could have easily bartered with him to bring the price down to 30....but ya live ya learn, right?). He immediately sized us up, without even asking and said "Okay, two smalls and a medium" (exactly what we would have asked for anyway) and threw the t-shirts at us. Kristen fumbled through the cash and handed him the 40 dollars and just like that....he was gone and we were rolling forward on the exit ramp, all of us in tears from laughing so hard. 

It all happened so fast.......


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Confession: We did not dress appropriately for the concert....at all. 

Kristen and Layson were on the right track....Kristen sporting some skinny jeans and a pair of Air Force Ones (she should have worn two per, she needs two per....). Layson was wearing leggings. I was probably the most severely under-dressed of the bunch. I decided to be obnoxious, or as I like to call it--clever, and wear my blue  "Beat Ohio State" 3-goggles shirt. Remember, the concert was in Columbus, on Ohio State's campus. 

Turns out that the appropriate attire for an Usher concert is quite simply: less is more.  "The tighter the better. Spice it up with leather. Heels should be high. Expose that thigh."  I've never been to a hardcore night club in New York City (or anywhere, for that matter), but I would imagine that most people would be wearing what I saw at the Usher concert. It looked as if every person there was going to make a solid attempt to get on his tour bus with him. 
(She may have been under-dressed as well....)

"You Make Me Wanna"

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Akon (Usher's opening act), had a little sidekick. Not just any sidekick. A sidekick who jumped and pranced around the stage with so much energy that I kept wanting to just yell at him "please stay properly hydrated!!!" 

Oh, did I mention that his sidekick wore a kilt? 

(This is actually apparently Kudi in a kilt....didn't realize it was the new trend among rappers)

Anyway, by the end of the opening act....we had all but forgotten about Akon and Usher. We were obsessed with the random dude in the kilt. In the words of Usher, he almost made us want to "leave the one we're with..."

I know I was thinking about a ring and all the things that come along with....

"DJ Got Us Fallin' In Love"

Okay, so technically Akon was the opening act--not the DJ....but either way, he kinda stole the show. I guess it would be unfair to say that he was better than Usher. No one is better than Usher, of course. But Akon's opening act was a legit concert in and of itself. We were so in love with his act that we almost didn't care about the fact that it was just a warm-up to the real deal. 

Here's what you need to know about Akon:

He loves Senegal (his home country)
He's a convict (or Konvict... ? Whatever....dude has been in jail)
He is not very shy about the fact that he was in jail.
He only sings about 1/2 of the time he performs...the other 1/2 is "short films" on big projectors
No seriously... I wasn't sure whether I was viewing the nominees for "Best Foreign Short Film" at the Oscars or watching Akon perform
Then we were brought back to the true reality of Akon.....
Akon loves sex.
Akon loves to sing about sex.
Akon even likes to hump the air with his shirt off, simulating sex.


^^^ That face up there.....imagine it, except on Kristen Geil. Yep, the moment that the song "Yeah!" came on......tears. 

"Caught Up"

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Our little emotional friend Kristen may have gotten a little "caught up" in the moment at one point before the concert started. A suspect man climbed the stairs (yes...we were the 2nd row from the top) and appeared to be toting a little something, something. 

Just a double sided, framed picture of Usher, perfect for a nightstand. And for only FIVE DOLLARS!!! Eureka! What a deal! In the heat of the moment Kristen surely seemed to think so, and we did nothing to sway her otherwise. She is now the proud owner of an Usher t-shirt AND a bedside photo. Congrats. 

"Dat Girl Right There"

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Perhaps the most boring portion of the concert was directly followed by the most entertaining portion. For literally 20-25 minutes, Usher roamed back and forth on the stage....sometimes singing, sometimes just walking and breathing really hard, while "scanning the audience" for the perfect girl/fan to join him on stage. Apparently this is something he does at every concert. 

It sounds kind of fun, right? Well, it was. For about 2 minutes. Then you realize that he is obviously not going to be picking you (I mentioned that we were the 2nd row from the top, right?). So for the next 20 minutes you listen to him tease around like he is potentially picking from "any of you ladies," when in reality, his body guards have probably already scoped out the winner 3 hours ago. He also kept repeating 3 creepy things over and over...."Gotta be 21" "Gotta be single" "Gotta be ready to mingle." Okay, Ush. We got it the first 35 times. Pick someone!

He finally did....and I have to admit....it may have been well worth the wait. How can I put this tactfully? Umm.....he picked a woman who was.....well, let's just say she was "a lot of woman." A whooooole lot of woman. She was also wearing a shirt that read "There Goes My Baby." She had the win locked in from the minute she arrived. This woman had a plan.

Anyway, she joined him on stage and really...the only way to describe the next 5 minutes of what we saw would be to say that this woman may or may not have impregnated Usher. Yikes. She was "getting it" as they say. Whoever they are. I just kept thinking to myself "thank God they didn't pick me...what the hell would I have done up there?" 

Kristen would have wiggled. Layson would have awkwardly clapped. That much is for sure.

"My Boo"

I audibly "boo-ed" for one thing and one thing only at the Usher concert. Usher's insistence on winning over the home-crowed by doing the "O-H" "I-O" chant, over and over and over again. 

Has there ever been a more ridiculous or annoying chant? Maybe. If you went to Transy and heard some of the KA's fraternity chants, you may have an argument there. 

He even tricked us a few times....we thought he was spelling out Usher when he was spelling out Ohio. Whoops. 

"Nice and Slow"

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People act weird after seeing Usher. I really can't describe it any other way. I don't know if his dancing and sultry voice just create too much tension or what but people were doing and saying really strange things as we walked out of the concert. The best of which was a girl who yelled A LOT of things, but our favorite was:

"WHERE IS USHER? WHERE IS USHER? Usher needs his back rubbed. Usher needs his back rubbed."

I really wanted for this girl to somehow get to rub Usher's back. I hope that happened for her. She deserved it.

Adventures in Babysitting

Posted by Kristen Geil on May 17, 2011 at 11:25 AM Comments comments (0)

(Great 80s movie, by the way)

Like many other teenage girls, babysitting was my first foray into the world of gettin' paid. I have firmly come to believe that, rather than actual birth control, babysitting is the best and most effective way to prevent unwanted pregnancies.

For the past couple years, I've been babysitting one family regularly, and it has been during this time span that I have come to realize that Kids. Are. Bizarre. If you doubt that for one second, watch the following video that has made me LOL multiple times after viewing:

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Conspiracy theorists claim that this is actually Layson Griffin as a child.

While the kids I babysit haven't been playing with dead squirrels, persay, I have definitely witnessed them poking a dead mole with a stick (their cat had killed it, which I'll touch on later). As with any new people you meet, for the first few months I babysat these kids, they were nice, polite, well-behaved, and didn't let their freak flags fly. Gradually, however, they got a little too comfortable with me, and now I have seen their true selves. While they're definitely still sweet and obedient most of the time, I'd just like to share (vent?) a few of the geunine WTF moments that come with the job description.

As any babysitting veteran knows, the first osbtacle to overcome when the kids get home from school is snack time. Snack time for three kids is no joke, especially when the youngest is in her picky phase.

No, not just "peanut butter with the crusts cut off and sliced diagonally" picky. Like, square pretzels only, not the regular shaped kinds. Ritz Crackers over Wheat Thins. Two slices of bologna only (which is easy to set out, but as a vegetarian I cringe a little every time I have to get the slimy meat out of the package). If all else fails, a cup of shredded cheese. The middle girl isn't too bad. The only trouble we've had is when she started requesting bananas with peanut butter and requiring that I spread the peanut butter on the bananas myself, a "medium amount ONLY," not too much or too little. Fine, Goldilocks. I have learned. The oldest boy is my favorite at this time of the day because he gets the snacks out himself, leaving me only to assemble them. I do find it a little strange that his favorite food is frozen corn- yes, still frozen- but hey, makes it easy on me. With months of practice under my belt, I have fine tuned my chopping, spreading, and assembling time to less than 10 minutes total. That's impressive.

From there, it's break time, where they get to watch television until 4 pm. Usually during this time I catch up on Words With Friends, Newsweek, or way back in the day when I still had it- homework. If it's sunny, I sit outside. If all else fails, I watch "Martha Speaks" with them (an educational show about a dog that talks- vocabulary words out the wazoo) or take a cat nap on the couch.

When the opening theme song to Arthur comes on, it's time to turn the TV off. While the oldest two start their homework, I head upstairs with the youngest to change into play clothes, because she's scared to be upstairs by herself. This is when I start to appreciate the creativity of children. Getting dressed is a very deliberate process. She asks me whether or not something matches, and puts great consideration into her hair accessories. Some days, she throws it all to the wind- like the day two weeks ago when she donned a red long sleeved shirt with a Christmas tree on it only to layer on top of it a short sleeved purple ruffled shirt. Gaga, watch out.

It is during this time that Baby Gaga feels the chattiest. About once a week, she asks me to guess her favorite colors. By now, I know the exact order, but I still play the game. "Purple?" "No, that's fourth." "Green?" "No, that's... sixth." "Hmm... brown?" "YES!" Because it's the color of her shoes, obviously. Second favorite color is black. She's an original for sure, and I love it.

We head back downstairs and work on homework with the other two. For the most part, they can get it done on their own and I just have to check over it. On occassion, they have asked me how to do some math problems, and I have to admit I am absolutely baffled. I can get the end result, but teachers today seem to be teaching them the most complicated methods. Like long division- I'm decent at it. But Frozen Corn showed me his in-class worksheet which involved them using squares, dashes, and possibly hieroglyhpics to solve the problem. Directions, too, are usually open to different interpretations, and I just have to give them my best guess. Unnecessary, in my book.

Finally, after homework, it is PLAY TIME. In this sense, I am lucky. The kids don't usually want to play with me. I guess I'm not fun. In fact, today they pretended Middle Girl was the babysitter and the other two were the kids. One fun snippet I overheard: "I'm going to slobber on your laptop!" Great.


They pretty much entertain themselves, and I only intervene if I think someone is about to get impaled with an umbrella or something. Sometimes, however, they like to talk to me. Frozen Corn likes to ask me questions about college, living at school, etc- he's a little more serious than the girls.

Middle Girl has two lines of questioning. The first goes, "Who is your favorite singer?" To save time, I have learned to respond, "Taylor Swift." Immediately, her face lights up and she exclaims "ME TOOOOO!" and launches into a monologue about her Taylor Swift t-shirt, CD, and more. I just have to sit and nod and occassionaly give my opinion as to what her best song is ("Love Story," obviously).

The second line of questioning is a little trickier. It goes, "Do you have a boyfriend?" Let me tell you, I can't think of a more awkward discussion (short of the actual birds and bees talk). See, Middle Girl remembers the last boyfriend I had, and fires questions at me: "What's his name? What's he look like? Did you kiss him? Did you love him? Did he love you? Why'd you break up? Why don't you have a boyfriend now? Do you like anybody? Does anybody like you?" Way to make me feel like a spinster loser, Middle Girl.

I googled "Spinster" and this came up. Maybe I'm not in such bad company after all.

However random some of our conversations may be, I can always count on getting some unexpected compliments from the kids.

Middle Girl is starting to become interested in fashion trends, and will often compliment me on my shoes (she's a fan of the turqoise cowboy boots) or hair. She even noticed when I went to the dentist ("I wish my teeth were as shiny as yours!"). She likes my name, too- "Your name is so pretty. I wish my name was Miss Kristen." I haven't had the heart to tell her yet that Miss isn't my real first name (side note- remember how strange it was to realize that your teachers had first names and didn't live at school? Major shocker for me).

With kids, age is a big issue. There's a big difference between being six and being six and a HALF. Often times, I get asked, "How old are you?" If this ever happens to you, flip the question right back around and ask "How old do you THINK I am?" I have gotten responses from 12 to 32. Last week, Baby Gaga correctly guessed 21, and it was the proudest moment of my day.

As goofy and sometimes difficult as they are, I love the kids I babysit. I will genuinely miss them when I move this summer. I will not, however, miss their animals. Consider the following a mini-Confession.

They have two Cairn Terriers (think Toto from The Wizard of Oz), one of whom has a majorly gross underbite and both of whom pant in the most disgusting manner possible. The dogs are the most demanding creatures I have ever met in my life- and I consider myself a dog person. They have to go in and out every five seconds, they constantly try to jump on me, and they are geuninely the dumbest animals I have ever met. I feel like a horrible person saying that, but spend over five minutes in their company and you too will have the urge to punt them like a football.

Recently, they acquired a cat as well. As anyone who knows me knows, I HATE CATS. This one is semi-tolerable because she's allowed to be an outdoors cat, but she still has a nasty habit of leaping onto the kitchen table and staring at me, motionless, for minutes at a time. It's just creepy.

So, I guess the moral of that tangent is: You can pick the kids you sit for, but you can't pick their pets. Or something like that.

All in all, babysitting is one of the more entertaining parts of my week, usually an ego-booster, and a great tax-free way to earn some cash. They make me crazy sometimes, but I have to admit, I love those kids. *Babysitters Club 4 Lyfe*

"You Can Find Me In The Pub...."

Posted by Ally Tucker on May 3, 2011 at 11:20 AM Comments comments (3)

You can find him in the club....with a bottle full of bub (ma-ma). You can find me somewhere else....

You can find me in the Pub.....Chinoe Pub (or Grill) to be exact. With a small cup of Bourbon Ice Cream. No, seriously. Within 5 minutes of walking into the Pub last night with my friends, a strange man came up to us and brought us a tiny container of ice cream with tiny spoons and said something to the effect of, "This is illegal to hand this out here, but I'm trying some new stuff......."  Against our better judgment (sorry Mom), we all tried a little bit. It was good. Not the point of this blog post though..moving on...

I have found a new place where I want to become a "REGULAR." You know, the kind of place where people expect you week in and week out at the same time. They start to learn your name, some of your hobbies, whether or not you like Bourbon flavored ice cream, etc. I have found that place.

Chinoe Pub.

Chinoe Pub might be known for many things (I have only been there once...last night). I now know it as my weekly karaoke spot. 

I think I've always been a karaoke-ite at heart. Anyone who came to my senior year of high school birthday party perhaps remembers the karaoke party in my basement....

(What up Lindsey? Nice moves....)

So clearly I have been a karaoke fan for a while. Then, add on to that the fact that I actually got a karaoke machine for Christmas one year. Actually, both my sister and I got one. They were $10 (seriously) at some electronics and music store. So my Mom bought us each one. I got a few good runs in with that thing in college before I accidentally left it in back lobby and the campus police took it (I can only imagine what they did with it while it was in their possession....I'm thinking maybe Miley Cyrus or Hoobastank?). A year after I had last seen the thing, I remember going to some goofy campus event and seeing it there and people karaoking with it. You're welcome Transy....don't say I never gave you anything. And quit hitting me up for donations. I'm not rich.....yet. 

And if all of that wasn't enough to lead to the day where I would become a karaoke regular....perhaps you haven't met my sister yet....Colleen.

Don't let that angelic little grin and hand pose fool you.... When it comes down to it she is 2 things ...

1) Prematurely grey-haired

2) A karaoke goddess in Louisville....

( I knew that one of these days all of those iPhotos we took would pay off....)

Seriously....people know my sister in certain karaoke places around Bardstown Road....

Anyway, with my clear affinity for karaoke and apparent genetic pre-disposition, it was no doubt that I fell in love with Chinoe Pub last night and their karaoke scene. To try to sum it up in just 1 blog entry would be nearly impossible....but that is exactly what I will attempt to do. 

Our night started off right with the most adorable little old man in the entire world (who came in with the assistance of a "Roll Easy" walker). He was not only precious as pie, but he kicked off the night with the first song. I don't even remember the song because all of his tended to blend together. But I will tell you this--they were all emotional love ballads and he had a Johnny Cash-like voice.

How did he karaoke? From his booth. Yep. He's a regular and they know him and love him there. He has trouble walking so they bring the microphone to him and he croons and swoons us all from his little booth. 

Fellow blogger Kristen Geil even went up to him to strike up a conversation after he melted our hearts with "Unchained Melody." (His rendition was so good that Whoopie showed up to bring Demi Moore back to life via Swayze and a pottery wheel). In her conversation Kristen gathered information that literally brought tears to our eyes: He is a widow. He gladly shows off all of the pictures in his wallet to perfect strangers such as Kristen. He comes to Chinoe Pub every Monday night. He was recently hospitalized for health reasons but still managed to get clearance to come to Chinoe Pub from the hospital on Monday nights because "This karaoke keeps me alive." If you didn't just dab a tear from your eye, you're not human .

Next up on the karaoke line-up was another "regular." She was the kind of scary girl with a lot of tattoos and piercings and skin showing who liked to sing equally bizarre and scary songs such as "I'm a Psycho." She was one of those types who realllllllllllly thinks she is good at karaoke. Like tries way too hard. She even started her first song with a disclaimer: "Hey guys....I'm just doing this one for fun until my vocals get warmed up...." I will be the first to tell you that her last song of the night was no better or worse than her first. Warm-up or no warm-up.
I tried to find the YouTube video for the song she sang....doesn't exist. I'm even more baffled now than I was then. So anyway...here's this video to watch instead....

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Our group of friends made our karaoke debut with song #3 of the night. Toto was the choice, obviously. We sang "Africa," which certainly seemed like a good choice at the time. Under-estimated aspects of the song "Africa": Really high notes & about 100 different "I bless the rains down in Africa" lyrics. Seriously....we sang that line like 492 times.

Basically for the next 3 hours while we were there, the DJ at the karaoke place called us out for signing up for a ridiculous number of songs. We literally probably signed up for 15 a piece. We couldn't stop. We had that can't stop, won't stop in our veins. That's why he can't stop, won't stop calling our names (to karaoke). Did you see what I did there? (If not, listen to more rap songs).

Anyway....we dominated the mic all night long. The DJ made note (via publicly calling us out--see a theme here?) of how many 90's songs we picked. For example: "I'll Make Love To You" (It's always fun to make the crowd feel awkward by singing racy lyrics to them by Boyz II Men), "Torn" by Natalie Imbrugulia (This is where I started the game called "I'm going to sign you up for a song without telling you what it is and you won't know until you get up there.....), "All-Star" by Smashmouth (not as fun of a song to karaoke to as you might think....). 

Trickled in among those 90's songs were surprise crowd pleasers such as "Camel Toe" by Fanny Pack. Yep, that song exists. Every single person in the Pub randomly was okay with that song....and our friend Amy giving herself a camel toe to sing it. Don't know what camel toe is? Google it. Or don't.  

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Another hit?  A very intense rendition of "Living on a Prayer" as well as old country songs that no one has ever heard of by Haydon Warren (girl's got pipes.....seriously). My personal highlight of the night thought was singing "We Are The Champions" with Sarah Zembrodt. You know you are good friends with someone and cut from the same thread (fancy saying for "like family") when you both sing a song the exact same way....emphasis on certain random parts, going awkwardly high for certain parts, dancing at the same moment, etc. 

Other random observation? Every guy who karaoked besides our dear sweet old man friend, picked a really melancholy rock song. Fuel's "Bad Day?" Let's just say...not a crowd pleaser.

All in all, our first night on the road to becoming "REGULARS" at Chinoe Pub's Monday night Karaoke was a pretty big success......

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Loyal readers & friends....feel free to join us next Monday!

"The Year of The Commoner"

Posted by Ally Tucker on May 1, 2011 at 12:40 AM Comments comments (1)

I am still feeling the leftovers exhaustion of waking up at 5:00 a.m. on Friday morning to watch the Royal Wedding. Yes, I watched the Royal Wedding. Guilty as charged.

I truly had no interest in the Royal Wedding leading up to the event. I didn't watch E! News every night to see what the latest was on the engagement, the ring, the dress, blah blah blah. I didn't care. Then my Mom began slowly but surely creeping in tid bits into our every other day-ish phone conversations. She was pretty subtle about it at first. Just dropping a few pieces of info here and there. Then she dropped the bomb on me.

"Ally.....will you come home and watch the Royal Wedding with me?" First and foremost, I had to work on Friday so I couldn't very well drive home to Oldham County to watch with her and then make it back in time for work at 7:30 a.m. Second of all, uh no....I have no desire to watch the Royal Wedding. Sorry, Mom! Thanks for carrying me for 9 months though in the womb. Good lookin' out....

I'll admit though, a week later....her genuine thrill, giddy-ness and excitement about the Royal Wedding began to rub off on me JUUUUUUUUST a little bit. Plus, how can you say no to someone who has dance moves like this?

Following a 20 minute phone conversation the night before the wedding, in which my Mom spoke AT ME, at a frenetic pace, about nothing but the wedding ("Oh Ally, I can't wait to see the dress!" "Did you know that Prince William played soccer today? The day before his wedding he played SOCCER of all things. He's just like us." "Ally, you know I tried to get you to marry one of those 2 when you were younger....bought all those magazines with them on it."  "I woke up years ago at 3 a.m. to watch Princess Diana get married. It's just so cool." Etc, etc, etc.) 

Finally, with the help of my roommate Whitney and my good friend Katie Sutherland-- we all 3 decided to bite the bullet and wake up at 5:00 a.m. and make breakfast and watch the Royal Wedding before work.

Other than the fit of laughter my friends and I had each time my Mom sent me a text between the hours of 5 and 7 a.m. ("Here we goooooo!" "Beautiful & natural!" "The brits sure love their queen" "Stodgy but glad the boys like her (in reference to me asking what my Mom thought about Camilla), the Royal Wedding wasn't ALL THAT ENTERTAINING.  Sidenote: turns out that according to my Mom, stodgy means "kind of traditional and grandmotherish." Hm.

There was one line from a reporter on the tv that literally had us cracking up, and even made us adopt this new motto for the rest of the year: "It's the year of the commoner!" (said in British accent, of course) Hold up...what?

What a proclamation to make, first of all. Secondly, can we say random? Because a "commoner" is marrying the Prince of England, we are now officially giving the whole year over to commoners? Seems a wee bit hopeful to me. Regardless, I officially proclaim to all of you, in case you missed it...that....


After hearing that, I really felt like I needed more information. Are we all supposed to rally around our fearless Commoner leader or what?

What the hell....why not? Count me in. The Year of the Commoner....Let's do this thing fellow commoners. 

So, now that we've officially given the year to the Commoners, who are the winners & losers in this situation? I am going to make some predictions for some people for the next year, based on it being......say it all together now with me....."The Year of the Commoner."

Who is going to fair well? Who is going to have "The Best Week Year Ever?" 

This girl.....who became the star of the wedding. "Pippa" Middleton, Kate's sister (c'mon, that's not even a name. What a commoner thing to do.....)

Pippa, if you didn't hook up with Harry and share a lot steamier of a kiss with him than Kate & William shared......shame, shame, shame on you! I foresee Pippa really having a breakout year. If she doesn't end up with Harry's bun in the oven, she will probably end up dating some Hollywood star or some other balding royal fellow. Good luck Pippa! If you were ever to have a big year, THIS IS THE YEAR!

And how about this guy? This is his year too.

I can't say with 100% certainty, but I think he will end up getting those karate lessons. Might even find his family too......

You know this guy? 

Commoner? Check. Blog reader? Check. Big year? I'm gonna go with check. Keep us posted, Hamilton! I foresee a whole year without any hamstring injuries or quad pulls. Don't even bother stretching.....this is YOUR year!

What about "athletic commoners?" What about our man.....Jarrod Polson? He's about the closest thing to a commoner as UK basketball has....

Jarrod, your star will rise this year. You will no longer be the UK basketball player known most for looking like you could swap places with the Backstreet Boy of your choice. This year, you can even swap with N*Sync. That's the kind of year I see you having, big guy. 

Jarrod might even wake up over night and have his cute little mug on John Wall's body and have his abilities. 

Dream big, Jarrod. It could happen. And don't point at me........point that finger at yourself....because this is your year! 

One commoner that I know has already had herself quite the year. 

Yes, I'm talking about you Kristen Geil, fellow blogger. Take mirror pictures of yourself looking like a star. Why? Because you are a star. You are the star senior at Transy this year and I dare anyone else to try to even take that title from you. Triple dog dare ya. 

What has this commoner done so far this year? Oh, nothing too big.....she's just had her picture posted on Kentucky Sports Radio's Fan of the Day post. She's also been featured in a clip on "Spring Break Fever" on the Travel Channel. Was she doing just anything in the clip seen on national television? Nah. Not a chance. She was riding a mechanical bull. (I won't go into detail about how awkward she looked while doing so........). Who winds up on "Spring Break Fever," a show that outlines crazy college kids on their spring breaks? This girl does. 

Did I mention that she has also managed to bring back the over-sized tank as a fashion trend? Picture proof above.

Kristen Geil, not that you need someone to tell you this, but this is your year! I wonder if perhaps the announcer on TV was actually referencing your year when they very confidently proclaimed "This is the year of the commoner!" 

Follow Kristen on Twitter @KristenMGeil so you can keep up with her antics. Pure comedy gold, I assure you.

And mustn't we address those who will be perhaps negatively effected by this being the YEAR OF THE COMMONER? If this really is in fact, the year of the commoner.....sucks to be these people:

(His hairline will have a bad year....guaranteed)

Late Night Confessions (I Made A Big Mistake)

Posted by Ally Tucker on April 20, 2011 at 8:30 PM Comments comments (3)

U(r)sh, babe...it's been far too long. I'm so sorry that I've been neglecting you..."It's been a long time, shouldn't left you, without a dope blog to step to." Just know that Kristen and I (and Layson) will be coming to see you real soon. And we'll probably be wearing some kind of ridiculous outfit. I mean, judging by eachl of our histories...I'd say the costumes are a safe bet....

(Kristen, Myself, Layson)

Anyway....back to what I really came here to do Ush.....and that is my confession:

I once was a rebel. I once got in really big trouble. I once got my soccer team in really big trouble.......

Most importantly.... All of this was by complete accident. 

This story starts out, as most stories do, with a red head. 

That's Kenny Burke. He was quite possibly the best soccer coach I've ever had (and I've had some really good ones). Perhaps a whole other blog post could be written someday on his pre-game and half-time speeches, ranging from topics such as "Playing Under the Lights" to "Muhammed Ali's Rope-A-Dope Strategy." Anyway, I don't want to give him too big of a head before continuing on with the story. But just know that Kenny was my soccer coach at the time of the "great fruit incident of 2002."

What was the Great Fruit Incident of 2002? Here goes nothin'....

I was a junior in high school at the time and my club soccer team had traveled to Memphis for a spring tournament. Any of you who have played club soccer know that tournament weekends were far and away the best weekends ever. You got to stay in a hotel with 17 of your closest friends, in a different city and just have a great time (and play a little soccer during the day). Tournaments are always fun, but the club team that I was on (Mockingbird Valley Soccer Club....holler) was a particularly tight knit group. We were from a ton of different high schools in the Louisville area and we all just happened to randomly click and get along really well. We were a goofy group too....always doing random things and having good-hearted, silly and truthfully innocent teenage fun. 

No really, I promise. We weren't out partying like fools....we were going to restaurants dressed up like this (not on Halloween, mind you):

Then came Memphis....

We must have had an early 2nd game on Saturday because we had plenty of time to kill that night hanging out at the hotel after dinner. Our hotel was pretty nice too. I remember thinking it was one of the better ones we had stayed in....

My favorite part?....... The hotel literally had bowls of fruit laying out at all hours of the day. 

All weekend up until Saturday night, the fruit bowls had only contained apples and bananas (trust me that this fact becomes relevant at a later point in time). 

Our whole team (or at least most of us, from what I remember), were avoiding our parents and hanging out in the hotel parking lot. This was nearly 8 years ago, but if my memory serves me correctly, we had taken some of the fruit from the hotel lobby and we were playing catch and just hanging out and talking. Nothing too exciting.....yet.

We had a sudden fruit shortage and needed more. I felt up for the task. I volunteered to go back into the lobby and get more fruit. Please believe me when I say this: If I had it to do all over again...I would have never volunteered to go get that fruit. I would have let someone else be the "hero." Those next few footsteps were footsteps I have regretted for a really, really long time....

I walked into the lobby and noticed that we had of course emptied the fruit bowl of its contents. I casually walked up to the receptionist and asked if she could possibly bring out more fruit for us. Like I said, we were good kids and must have seemed like it to her as well, because she gladly replied that she would be right back with some new fruit. 

She went into the back room for a few minutes while I twiddled my thumbs at the counter. Bored, I glanced outside and noticed that my teammates were no longer tossing fruit back and forth and chatting amongst themselves. They were all standing around a pick-up truck. 

A minute or two passed and when I glanced again, they were still seemingly in conversation (what I assumed was friendly) with the person or person in the pick-up truck. From my view, I really couldn't tell. 

Then, THEN....the hotel receptionist came out with an entirely new basket of fruit! Not just any basket though (I wouldn't have used an exclamation point for just any old basket)....this basket contained Apples AND Oranges! Eureka!!!!

I was a goober and of course I was wayyyyyy too pumped about the fact that we now had apples and oranges to throw. Seriously, there is no logical explanation for how excited I was other than the fact that if you've met me...you've probably seen me get equally excited for equally mundane things.....Such as the day at work when I stacked multiple markers on top of one another, on top of a flashlight....and reacted like this:

Seriously...I was probably that amount of excited, or more. 

I ran out of the hotel lobby, quickly approaching my teammates who were all extremely tightly huddled together in a group. I think I was literally even chanting "We have apples AND oranges! We have apples AND oranges!" 

Before I could get all the way to them, the pick-up truck (guy driving, girl riding shotgun) that I had just seen them all socializing with while I was inside the lobby for the past few minutes drove by between myself and the rest of the team. I on one side of the truck, my team on the other. The pick-up truck wasn't going too fast and in a moment that I can honestly look back at myself and say "ALLY, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?" I mistakingly judged the situation as the people in the pick-up truck being people we were "cool with" after seeing my teammates talking to them. 

BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER: As they drove by, I happily (and very casually) tossed one of the oranges into the open passenger side window. 

Yep. I did that. 

IN MY HEAD: Hey, these people are our friends because they've just been talking to my friends. I'm unexplainably happy about having oranges in my hands and they are driving by slowly....it will be funny and silly if I just toss one happily into their car window. (Granted, not the most logical thinking...but I swear to you on my Mother's life --that's how serious I am-- that this was the exact thought rolling through my head)

IN REALITY:   You just threw an orange into a stranger's open window. 

Ever seen Billy Madison? Or was it Happy Gilmore? Anyway...an Adam Sandler movie... Remember the famous line "Things that could have been brought to my attention YESTERDAY!!!" Well....let's just say that I could have swiped that quote from him to use for the next 15 seconds of my life.

As soon as the orange left my hand and flew into their window, I began to assess my surroundings quickly. Every single face of every single one of my teammates was staring at me with the look of "OMG Ally, What did you just do????" That look was quickly replaced by the look of "You really should not have done that."  Which was then replaced by the look of panic and "Those people are not our friends."

I was still in complete shock when the pick-up truck slammed on their breaks and high-tailed it in reverse. 

The things that were said to me by the people in the pick-up truck during the next 30 seconds were things that I cannot repeat because my Mother reads this blog. Let's just say that they were NOT happy at all. And let's just say that I became a "little bitch" (pardon my french Mom and Dad...and Kristen's Mom) and immediately began trying to explain how I thought we were all friends and that it was just me being a goofy person like I am. Needless to say, my explanation really didn't do too much for them.

After about 30 seconds, and what felt more like an hour, passed...they finally seemed content to leave it at that (an extreme "chew out" of me, by them) and head on their merry way. 

I quickly was brought up to speed about the situation by my teammates. They in fact were not being "friendly" with the people in the pick-up truck as I had thought while in the hotel lobby. For whatever reason (to this day, I really don't know what) they were actually bickering and exchanging unpleasant words with the people in the pick-up truck. In my defense (and I have very little defense in this story), I had no idea that they already hated our group before I threw the orange in their window.

Surely the trouble was over now since they were leaving....

But no....right before they completely cleared the parking lot, the guy driving the pick-up truck slammed on the gas and "peeled out dramatically" as they say.

One of the sweetest and soft-spoken of my teammates, we'll call her "Christine" for privacy purposes, who would be the last person in the world you would expect to shout anything out in this situation.....shouted something out in this situation.

"Wow! You're sooooo cool!"  She yelled out to the truck as the driver tried to peel out. 

Now "Christine" was the recipient of the "What the hell are you doing?" looks from all of us. I mean seriously....we were actually kind of in the clear...problem was averted. Then she took us all by surprise and gave them just a little more reason to hate us.

BREAKS SLAMMED. PICK-UP TRUCK IN REVERSE.........Cue all of us running toward the bushes. 

The pick-up truck was blazing in reverse toward us. Then it stopped.....

Then things actually got really scary.  This is the part of the story that is only funny now because we are all alive and "okay" to tell it. 

A guy who looked much, much scarier than the guy pictured above, busted out of his car door carrying a baseball bat toward us. And his main squeeze (kinda trashy chick) was right behind him.

Let's just say that no bats were swung, but we were being threatened. "Bad Ass Girl" on our team was really the only one willing to step up and defend the rest of us, who were all scared out of our brains standing behind her. Words were exchanged between the one "bad ass" girl we had on our team and the "kinda trashy chick." Following the words, "Kinda trashy chick" decided to slap the glasses off of "bad ass girl." Let's just say that "bad ass girl" doesn't really take such things lightly. Let's just say that in the end of this little moment, Bad Ass Girl- 1  Kinda Trashy Girl - 0.

The couple finally leaves in the pick-up truck and this time "Christine" decided against shouting anything else at them. Genuinely rattled, we all ran into the hotel and decided to never speak of this again to anyone. Especially our parents. Especially our fearless leader, Kenny Burke. 

After reflecting upon how bizarre, scary, absurd and lucky we all were...and how stupid I was for throwing an orange into someone's car (seriously, try explaining that to anyone), we decided to re-convene in the enclosed pool area in the back of the hotel. We all felt a little more relaxed and we were coming down from the wild exchange we had just had.......

Then we heard it first. Squealing of tires. 

Then we saw it. The truck was coming back. And somehow they seemed to know exactly where we were. 

We all bolted for the hotel and closed the door behind us (in my memory, literally right as they approached the door...in reality, who knows). Safely inside the locked hotel, we ran to the front desk and told them enough of what was going on to get them to "run off" the people in the pick-up truck. 

The Aftermath.....

Somehow we all thought that we would get away with this whole huge, huge mistake and unfortunate series of events without our parents or coach knowing. We just felt like this would be one of those "nights we never spoke of again to anyone" type of things...

We should have known...life as a teenager is never that easy. You always get caught. Always, always, always. ....

Unfortunately for us, some of the parents had heard some of the scuffle going on from their rooms and
peeked out of their windows just in time to catch some of the action. God only knows what they were thinking when they saw the whole thing go down. 

Anyway, needless to say....Coach Kenny found out. Oh man did he find out. 

I've never feared for my life as much as I feared for my life when Kenny pulled me aside to talk to me in the hotel the next morning (I think it was the next morning or next day ...sometime before the next game) to talk to me about what happened. 

At that point, he thought "Bad Ass Girl" on our team was kind of the culprit because she had been directly involved with the scuffle outside of the hotel that the parents witnessed. As any coach must do, he had to be firm and had to take some kind of action. He informed me that "Bad Ass Girl" would be suspended for our next game (a semi-final match, by the way). 

To this day....I have no idea whether or not Kenny knew my involvement and that I accidentally, and stupidly got the whole thing started. Part of me thinks he knew and was kind of putting me to the test. Part of me thinks that he had no idea, and this was just one of those "growing up moments." Either way, I came to him and told him that although I didn't mean any harm by my actions, I had made a really, really poor decision by throwing the orange into the window of that car...and that I had put my teammate's safety in jeopardy. I told him that if "Bad Ass Girl" was suspended from the game, I also wanted to suspend myself from the game. It was only fair. 

I could go into great detail about how both "Bad Ass Girl" and I were the only 2 goalies on the team. And how we had to put a random player in the goal just so we could play that semi-final match. I could also go on about how the girls on the team somehow still pulled off a win, even with one of our best center mids stepping in and playing goalie. I could also tell you about how before our coach showed up to the game that day, before warm-ups started...our whole team tried to suspend themselves. I remember all of them saying things like "If you all can't play, we won't play." And saying "we won't step across the line to warm-up." I remember "Bad Ass Girl" and I both being very touched by the gesture, but urging them to play. 

The whole Fruit Incident of 2002 is a bit of a blur looking back. 

Our entire team, including our coach Kenny, look back on it and laugh our heads off at the complete absurdity and honest innocence and goofy-nature of it all. Literally a series of unexplainably unfortunate and ridiculously naiive events. We were teenagers though. That's what teenagers do.

Beyond just being an absurd story in which I love to tell people if they have a good half an hour to kill, I can honestly say the Fruit Incident of 2002 taught me a whole lot. It taught me that although I may be goofy, I am also sometimes too goofy for my own good. It taught me that good teammates will back you up....even when you do something dumb. It taught me that the best coaches/mentors will sometimes let you teach yourself the lesson.  

And it taught me that oranges:

     A) May seem really cool at the time but...
     B) Are not that actually that cool at all
     C)  Should not be thrown into moving vehicles...even if the throw is meant to be "friendly fire."