1) Ich liebe dich
2) Ich bin stolz auf dich
3) Du bist ein super ... (Sportler, Schwimmer, Musiker - was auch immer)
Drei Dinge, die jeder Junge (jedes Mädchen) von seinem Vater regelmäßig sehen sollte:
1) Papa liebt Mama
2) Papa's Charakter
3) Papa's Herz
Drei Dinge, die jeder Junge (jedes Mädchen) von seinem Vater regelmäßig empfangen sollte:
1) Bestätigende Ermutigung
2) Anleitung für's Leben
3) Jesus in seinem/ihrem Leben
Zwei Dinge, die jeder Junge (jedes Mädchen) von seinem Vater regelmäßig erfahren sollte:
1) Zeit zusammen verbringen - nur Vater und Sohn (Tochter)
2) Männer (Frauen)-Zeremonien
Er war nur ein kleiner Junge und er konnte die Bestrafung nicht verstehen. Die Bestrafung war notwendig, damit er einige wichtige Lektionen lernen würde und zu einem Mann heranwachsen würde, der richtig und falsch unterscheiden könnte. Aber er konnte all das nicht verstehen. Alles was er wusste, war, dass sein Vater ihn ohne Abendessen in sein Zimmer geschickt hat und er hatte Hunger. Er dachte, sein Vater würde sich doch nicht so um ihn sorgen, wie seine Worte es vermuten ließen. Immerhin wenn sein Vater ihn wirklich lieben würde, würde er ihm das Abendessen erlaubt haben. Dann ging die Türe auf, sein Vater kam herein und setzte sich aufs Bett. Sohn, sagte er, Ich weiß, du verstehst das nicht, aber eines Tages wirst du es verstehen. Eines Tages wirst du froh sein, dass ich dich genug geliebt habe, um dich richtig zu erziehen. Aber ich wollte, dass du weißt, dass auch ich heute kein Abendessen hatte und dass ich die Nacht hier bei dir verbringen werde und dass wir beide zusammen hungrig sein werden. Der Junge war natürlich immer noch hungrig, aber irgendwie half ihm das, in den Armen seines Vaters einzuschlafen ein Vater, der sich mit seinem Hunger identifiziert hatte. Das ist genau das, was auch Gott getan hat.
Wenn der Junge (das Mädchen) glücklich ist oder stolz auf das, was er (sie) geschafft hat, wohin läuft er (sie) zuerst? Mutter oder Vater?
Wenn ein Junge etwa immer zu Mamma rennt, ist das Band zwischen Vater und Sohn gestört (Ähnliches gilt für Frauen).
Wenn ein junger Mann ernsthaft seinen eigenen Vater zurückweist (selbst mit gutem Grund), so muss er oft als Erwachsener feststellen, dass er seine eigene Männlichkeit zurückgewiesen hat. Ein Elternteil zu hassen, bedeutet sich selbst zu hassen. Wir können nicht einfach ein Mitglied unserer Familie abtrennen, besonders nicht den Vater oder die Mutter, ohne einen Teil von uns selbst abzutrennen. (Leanne Payne, Crisis in Masculinity)
Die durch die Abwesenheit des Vaters verursachte Wunde
Die durch den Vater verursachte Wunde
Mein Vater hat mich öffentlich blamiert!
Was sollte jeder Sohn von einem Vater hören, der sich von seiner Mutter getrennt hat?
"Es tut mir leid, mein Sohn. Wirst du mir vergeben?"
Wenn in der Vater-Sohn Beziehung etwas schief läuft:
Was jeder Sohn von seinem Vater will und braucht:
1. Zeit miteinander verbringen
2. Die Fähigkeit zu erlernen, im Leben zurecht zu kommen (siehe: Sprüche 22:6)
3. Eine Orientierung mit vernünftigen Antworten auf seine Fragen (etwa: "Was bedeuet es, ein Mann zu sein?" "Was ist der Sinn des Lebens?") Siehe: Deuteronomium 6
4. Überzeugungen, die er am Beispiel des Vaters erkennt (Wie der Vater lebt und was er sagt: Integrität). Siehe: 1. Thessalonicher 2:10-11
5. Das Herz seines Vaters ("Ich liebe dich / Ich bin stolz auf dich / Du bist ein toller ...) Siehe: Matthäus 17:5
Was sollte ein Vater tun?
Was sollte ein Vater im Hinblick auf seine Ehefrau und Töchter tun?
- ihr helfen, zuhause bei den Kindern bleiben zu können (besonders in den ersten Lebensjahren)
- wahre weibliche Werte in seiner Frau und in seinen Töchtern unterstützen, ehren und loben
- mit seinen Töchtern ab und zu ausgehen, etwas unternehmen und auf persönlicher Basis an ihrem Leben teilnehmen
- Zeremonien unterstützen, die ihre wahre Weiblichkeit feiern und markieren
Der Liebesbrief des Vaters
Ich habe dich am Tag deiner Geburt hervorgerufen. Psalm 71,6
1. Johannes 3,1-2
1. Johannes 4,8-10
Der wartende Vater
Der Vater, der für uns sorgt und uns Gutes gibt.
1. Petrus 5,7
Der treue Vater
2. Timotheus 2,13
Einer, der uns unterrichtet und leitet
Der Vater, der uns rettet und schützt
Ein erziehender Vater
Ein tröstender Vater
2. Korinther 1,3-4
2. Thessalonicher 2,16
Vater und Anwalt der Vaterlosen
Ein vergebender Vater
2. Mose 34,7
Ein vollkommener, gerechter und aufrichtiger Vater
5. Mose 32,4-6
Ein heiliger Vater
3. Mose 19,2
Ein barmherziger, gnädiger, geduldiger Vater
2. Mose 34,6-7
Der Vater des Friedens
1. Korinther 1,3
Der Vater, der uns reich segnet
Der Vater, der uns Hoffnung gibt
2. Thessalonicher 2,16
Ein allmächtiger Vater
2. Korinther 6,18
(Maleachi 3,23-24 - Einheitsübersetzung)
it is so important that men spend time with their fathers. Has your father ever told you the three things that every son should hear from his father: that he loves you, that he is proud of you and that you are good at something (see also www.mensfraternity.com)?
If not so, you should ask him whether he loves you. Call him today (!), set an appointment for both of you guys (and nobody else!) to go to some place for the weekend. And then ask him all the questions you have always wanted to ask him. Like if he loves you. Don't let him get off with cheap responses like "Well, you know I love all of my kids.". Ask him if he loves YOU. Men need to hear that so badly they carry the hurt of not having heard it for the rest of their lives with them. This hurt, however, might surface in a violent and dramatic way at some pint. It could be that we hurt ourselves or others just to cope with the pain. It could be that we never learn how to love somebody else just because we haven't experienced it at first place. It could also be that this afflicts the way we see God.
I very much recommend doing that - spending some good quality time with dad. My father is dead. He died in 1994 and I very much regret not having done that in his living years.
But somehow the Lord always gives us second chances - as strange as this might sound.
Some two years ago I was in a town in Southern Germany where there is a huge pilgramage. I was with some friars and they sent me with one of them to sit at a table besides one of the roads where about 7.000 or more people would pass by.
So I did and we talked to many pilgrims.
At some point, some young fellows came to our table. I asked them where they were from and they gave me the name of a small village about five miles from where I was born. I told them that the ancestors from my father's side came from their village. And so we got into talking.
After a while they left - to return with an old man in their midst. One of the young fellows pointed at me and said: "That's him!" The old man looked at me and said, "So your guys are from our village". I answered, "Yes, sir.".
He looked me straight in the eyes and asked: "Are you Sepp's son?" ("Sepp" is the short version for Joseph over here. And this is how my father was called!).
I was petrified. My father died about 13 years before that incident, so what the heck was going on there?
I kinda stuttered that yes, I was Sepp's son.
The old man told me he knew my father from the farm in another small village.
I almost fainted. The friar at my side looked at me. I guess he could tell there was something dramatic going on.
And it was. My father was born in 1928. At the age of nine, his mother died and the kids were sent to other places as his dad was in the war. There was no other way for the children to survive.
My dad came to a farm. He had to sleep under the roof with a hole in it where the snow came in at winter time. And he had to work very hard there, but he survived.
So this old man knew my father from back then! He even gave me the name of the village and the name of the farmer who I had seen once in my life.
I was so stunned I couldn't even really talk. He gave me a warm smile, turned away and left.
To me, this was like a message from the past. A message that reminded me that we are not an island in this world, that our ancestors and most especially our father will always be a part of our lives, even though they are dead. The "cloud of witnesses" Hebrews talks of is always around us.
After the man left, I turned to the friar and explained everything to him. He was amazed, too.
I kept on serving with the friars. After a while, I joined the shift with a young friar and we served in one of the churches.
We had a little room opposite the entrance from where we got in contact with the pilgrims.
After some time, it was about to leave for lunch and we closed the window that connected us with the entrance.
Then, we heard somebody knocking onto that window. First we ignored it, but the knocking persisted.
I opened to see what stubborn guy would do such a thing - and I could not believe my eyes.
My uncle stood there. He knew I was in town, but neither he nor I knew that I was in that room at that moment. Besides it was shut so nobody could even tell there was someone in.
That day has marked me and I will never forget it. Everything that happens in our lives happens for a reason and at somepoint we will look back at it and see God's guiding hand going throught it like a red threat.
Mom & Dad,
Tomorrow is my birthday, and dads is coming up. This year, I am going to give us both a present, the dad I have always wanted.
Mom, I am doing this for me, for my healing and benefit. Right now, this is between me and Dad. Mom, I ask that you stand back and stand by. Support dad when he needs it. And I ask you to be patient and wait. Your turn will come, but right now, I need some space and time to be with my dad.
I then sat on the coffee table, facing my dad on the couch.
You are my father, and I love and honor you. I moved to Maryland to be closer to you.
I know that as a child, I was often difficult to understand. I know that as a child, I was difficult to reach, because I shut you out. I am sorry for this, and ask your forgiveness. You see, for some reason I decided when I was about 4 or 5 that you did not like me. I then defensively decided that I didnt like you first, and built up emotional walls to maintain a safe distance. Safe, because my perception that you did not like me hurt me terribly and by stonewalling you, I could prevent myself from being hurt again. I desperately needed your love and approval, but did not know how to ask for it. As a hyper-sensitive child, I felt different from most boys. I did not understand what this difference meant, and I did not understand how to incorporate this difference into my development into a man.
Dad, I love you and I dont want to cause you pain or heartbreak. Indeed, I really didnt want to tell you this, but two people have influenced me to do so, my counselor, who says it would be very helpful to my healing, and a friend, who said that by not telling you, I would be denying you an opportunity to father me. I have done that too often. In my search for healing, I have heard some stories of absolutely horrific fathers, and I am blessed to have a loving, Godly man, whom I can admire, love and respect as my father.
Im sure you know what I am going to tell you, Im sure you knew 20 years ago when that crazy lady called the house late one night. I struggle with same sex attraction, sometimes victoriously, sometimes in miserable failure. Several friends warned me to be prepared for a negative or unsupportive response from you. I told them that I had no doubt as to your response, that my father would love and support me in my search for healing in any way that he could, that my father would love and accept me. I know I can be sure of Gods love and, Dad, I know I can be sure of your love.
Dad, I would like you to join me in talking with my counselor sometime. He will be in Pittsburg the week of March 15th, and I intend to see him, I would like it very much if you could join me. Ive ordered a book that I ask you to read as well.
Dad, I love you so much, and I am so glad you are my father. I want to be closer to you. I want to spend time with you. Maybe we would work at the stables together on Sunday mornings, followed by breakfast.
Your loving son,
After reading the letter, my dad took me in his arms, I cried a bit while he held me, he told me that his love was unconditional, and unconditional meant just that. I stayed in his arms for several minutes, basking in his love and support and acceptance. After that, I hugged my mom for awhile, and explained that I just needed to spend extra time alone with my dad right now, and she is okay with that. Of course, she cried her eyes out to know that her son has carried this pain, and I told her not to worry, that the journey would be all downhill from here. (I know that may not be exactly true, but who wants their mom to worry about them?)
Thank you, my friends, for your support and encouragement in my journey. I feel more emotionally complete, whole and content than I can ever remember feeling, and your support has helped me achieve that.
In Christ's name,