"There is certainly more in the future now than back in 1964."
"Always go to other peoples' funerals, otherwise they won't go to yours."
"I don't know all the certain words to word it."
"Most lies about blondes are false."
"Better make it six, I can't eat eight."
"Good looking people turn me off. Myself included."
"Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything."
"The internet is a great way to get on the net."
"A bachelor's life is no life for a single man."
"You can't just let nature run wild."
"Lack of brains hinders research."
"And now the sequence of events in no particular order."
"My main hope for myself is to be where I am."
"Solutions are not the answer."
"It's like deja-vu all over again."
"We are not ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
"Life is very important to Americans."
"I feel my best when I'm happy,"
"They misunderestimated me."
"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system!"
"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious."
"My cat's breath smells like cat food!"
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
"I knew something was wrong when my imaginary friend wouldn't talk to me."
"As far as I know, my computer has never had an undetected error."
"Everything should be made a simple as possible, but no simpler."
"I'm not as smart as I think I am."
"It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool, than to open it and remove all doubt."
"Things are only impossible until they're not."
"A loser is a window washer who works on the 44th floor and steps back to admire his work."
"I tried sniffing coke once, but the icecubes got stuck in my nose."
"I'm going to live forever or die trying."
"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer."
"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."
"I can resist everything except temptation."
"Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday."
"Let's have some new cliches."
"Does that noise in my head bother you?"
"I knew something was wrong when my imaginary friends wouldn't play with me no more."
"Give me a vodka on the rocks...hold the vodka I'm a designated driver...umm...so...give me a glass of ice and that'd be nice!"
"The penguins stole my sanity!"
"You're unique, just like everyone else!"
"Everybody has the right to be stupid, but you're breaking the rules!"
"Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow."
"Make love not war, condoms are cheaper than guns."
"I've lost my phone-number. Can I have yours?"
"One day we'll look back on this ... laugh nervously and change the subject."
"I aint guilty, I'm just not innocent."
"Flying is easy, just throw yourself at the ground and miss."
"That money talks I don't denie, I just heard mine say :: Goodbye !!!"

----------------------------------------------------------------

"Princess, tired of prince, seeks frog."
"If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen."
"Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?"
"In dog years, I'm dead, and my mind's already there."
"Liberal Arts Major: Will think for food."
"When my daddy made me, he was just showing off."
"Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?"
"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."
"I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure."
"All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand."
"There's an exception to every rule except this one."
"Earth first! We'll log the other planets later."
"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."
"Warning: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear."
"Everything is possible to those who don't have to do it."
"I'm not as think as you drunk I am."
"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac."
""I always wanted to be somebody. I guess I should have been more specific."
"I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out."
"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
"Many people quit looking for work when they find a job."
"A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing."
"Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back."
"I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours."
"Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives."
"If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark."
"Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use."
"Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car."
"Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it."
"Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?""
"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup."
"Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said."
"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She is 97 today and we don't know where she is."