"If money could talk, it would say goodbye."
"Show me a good loser, and I'll show you a loser."
"Girls are always running through a guys mind, they don't dare walk."
"Sex is nobody's business, except the three people involved."
"Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister."
"Laughter is the shock absorber of life's blows."
"His absence is good company."
"When someone says nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football."
"He who has a choice has trouble."
"Enjoy yourself, if you can't enjoy yourself, enjoy somebody else."
"I'm on a seafood diet, I see food and I eat it."
"You posses a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained."
"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity."
"I came, I saw, and I couldn't believe my eyes!"
"Few women tell there age, fewer man act like it."
"Wait! Gimme a second to pretend I care!...there, glad that was over."
"There is no such thing as good luck, only misfortune and it's occasional absence."
"A mind is like a parachute, it's only usefull when it's open."
"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."
"When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind get's pretty crowded."
"I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met."
"I just got lost in a thought, it was unfamiliar territorry."
"I'ts hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere."
"I'd say he's the laziest guy alive, but I'm not sure about that last part."
"Deals work best when each side gets something it wants from the other."
"Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."
"I said no to drugs, I said no to smoking, I said no to alcohol...but they wouldn't listen!"
"Until I was 13, I thought my name was Shut Up."
"A real friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow; Don't walk behind me, I may not lead; Walk beside me, and just be my friend."
"Friendship is Love without his wings."
"It's much easier to turn a friendship into love, than love into friendship."
"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me."
"If you can't amaze people with your intelligence, confuse them with you bullshit."
"Let all you guys be Dutch but let the kisses be French."
"You laugh because I'm different, well I laugh because you're all the same."
"Don't settle for the one you can live with, settle for the one you can't live without."
"What can I say? What can I do? I'm still in love, why aren't you?"
"When I was young I played with toys, now I'm older and I play with boys."
" If u want me to fall for you...you gotta gimme something worth trippin over."
"I believe in angels, the kinda that heaven sends, I'm surrounded by angels, but I call them my best friends."
"Silence is golden, but Shouting is fun!"
"As long as my boss pretends I earn much, I'll pretend I work hard."
"Boys are great, every girl should own one."
"When I'm good I'm really good, but when I'm bad I'm better."
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a crate, coincidence? I think not."

-----------------------------

"Never be afraid. Remember, the Titanic was built by professionals. The arc was built by amateurs."
"Yesterday was the deadline for all complaints."
"There is intelligent life on Earth, but I'm just visiting."
"Why be difficult when with a little more effort you can be impossible?"
"If you can remain calm you just don't have all the facts."
"The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was."
"I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them."
"Finally 21, and legally able to do everything I've been doing since 15."
"Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate."
"Multitasking - screwing up several things at once."
"Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change ready."
"I'm not lazy, I'm just a very calm person."
"Auntie Em - hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy."
"Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math."
"Welcome to Pennsylvania. Now go home."
"The person who smiles when things have gone wrong has just thought of someone to blame it on."
"Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film."
"Been nowhere. Done nothing."
"One nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people."
"Aging is mandatory. Maturity is optional."