WELCOME TO FREEDOM BEACON MINISTRIES

SPIRITUALITY AS A COUNSELING TOOL

One on-line dictionary defines spirituality as:

Being concerned with things of the spirit or of the human inner nature.

A related term is spiritualness, which is defined as the quality or state of being spiritual or spiritual-minded.

http://www.thefreedictionary.com

We can see, then, that spirituality or spiritualness is a personal, inner ATTITUDE or quality of being.

What you may have noticed as conspicuously lacking in these definitions is any reference to religiosity. The differences between the two concepts become apparent when we define religiosity:

Religiosity is defined, by the same dictionary, as zealous adherence to religious duty.

It is apparent, then, that we are dealing with two different concepts even though they can, and often do, coexist. While spirituality is descriptive of an individual’s internal attitude, religiosity describes the external ACTIONS that can be a demonstration of that attitude. However, it is important to note that, just because a person may make a great show of religiosity, such does not mean that their actions are necessarily motivated by spirituality or sincerity. On the other hand, there are plenty of people who don’t attend church services, and may not even identify with a specific denomination, yet they are very spiritually minded individuals.

Thus, in our attempts to define spirituality, we should be weary of lumping the two concepts together, so that we do not to cloud the issue. What complicates this matter even further is that there are so many different religions in the world today. In addition, there are numerous denominations, as well as fringe cults, all of which can have differing dogma and doctrine.

Our discussion today will focus on spirituality--not on religion or religiosity—but on that inner quality of being that emanates from within our human spirit. Whether we believe that spirituality is a Divine gift or a component of human biology, it is evident that it is a very real quality that is rooted very deeply within the make-up of humankind. In the book, Something There: The Biology of the Human Spirit, zoologist and author, David Hay, analyzes evidence from both the physical and the social sciences which he says suggest that our spiritual nature is very real and not illusory.

Hay traces what he perceives as the repression of spiritual awareness in our culture to the European Age of Enlightenment, just as many historians have also done. During this so-called "the Age of Reason", the concept of an external higher power came to generally be regarded as theory and, by some, even as fantasy or myth. Human reason was given center stage, and the natural spiritual sensitivities that had always been considered inherent in humankind, were subdued. Human focus turned toward that which was visible and tangible and away from that which must be grasped by faith.

Anthropological evidence, however, indicates that spirituality existed within humans long before religion, as we know it, ever came onto the scene. Hay concludes that spirituality is "a built-in, biologically structured dimension" within all members of the human species. Therefore, he contends that, although religion can certainly arise from this internal reality, it does not necessarily need to do so. In fact, Hay’s extensive use of polling in his research stressed that, regardless of cultural influences and variations in beliefs, the common phenomenon within the human race is a spiritual awareness that is deeply rooted within our physiological make-up. Hay argued that, since spiritual awareness underlies an individual’s ethics, ignoring or repressing human spirituality has had damaging effects on Western society. He further notes that the current upsurge of interest in spirituality is "both a symptom of the malaise and an opportunity to begin the reconstruction of a humane moral commonwealth."

Hay came to the same realization to which so many others have arrived—that spirituality is a powerful and positive influence in the lives of individuals. This is because the faith, which emanates from spiritual awareness or belief in a Deity, allows us to tap into a source of strength and comfort that are beyond our own abilities to muster. From faith, hope springs forth, providing us with the courage to strive through adversity, so that we need not give in to despair, frustration, defeat, or deep depression.

Faith, therefore, is the context from which we muster the motivation to strive through crisis situations. If we don’t first believe that we can somehow beat the odds and come through it successfully, we tend to be less willing to undertake the task. In fact, we often find that a common denominator among victims of suicide, is an inability to see beyond the immediate set of circumstances to a satisfactory outcome. This involves a profound lack of faith and hope which are demonstrated by an inability to believe that life can be better and the current set of circumstances can be successfully resolved.

Not only does spirituality benefit the individual, but as Hay points out, the benefits extend outward to affect a positive influence upon society at large. Since spirituality is the soil in which our ethical systems are rooted, individuals who are in touch with their spirituality often show more kindness and may be more altruistically motivated to help others. They also display a tendency to be more focused on contentment in their lives and on consistently striving for self-betterment. This is due, in large part, to the belief that they are ultimately accountable to a higher power for their behaviors, attitudes, and treatment of others. Good deeds, then, become the natural outgrowth of spirituality since they are simply faith demonstrated through actions. In fact, every major world religion is generally in agreement that there is a direct corollary between faith and good deeds.

Additionally, most spiritually minded individuals believe that altruistic acts toward others are a mode by which to express gratitude toward one’s higher power for blessings received. This is a very important concept because an attitude of gratitude and humility goes a long way in facilitating forgiveness for the wrongs that others commit against us. That being the case, it becomes an extremely important component of mental health counseling, since the act of forgiving often proves to be even more advantageous to the forgiver than to the recipient. Forgiveness helps the one bestowing it to let go of the anger and resentments that negatively impact our lives, our health, and our relationships.

Finally, regardless of how many possessions or loved ones, with which some people surround themselves, they still feel an inexplicable void inside. Why is that? The answer is that external things cannot make a person truly happy, if he is not genuinely happy within himself. Yet, what we so often see today are desperate attempts to capture happiness through the acquisition of possessions and relationships and through participation in a vast array of activities.

The problem herein is two fold: When we focus so much on externalities, attention is diverted away from cultivating a strong inner character and contentment with the things we already possess. We get caught up in the stress of the rat race, constantly striving for the newest, the biggest, and the best of everything. Furthermore, when these external things are gone, the enjoyment derived from them is also gone. A profound sense of grief can ensue and a downward spiral into depression is not out of the realm of possibility. The fact is that, even if it were possible to obtain all of our heart’s desires, no amount of external things can ever compensate for the neglect of our inner person.

Since our personal character affects all that we have and all that we do in life, it is, therefore, imperative that we seek to develop it in the most positive manner possible. For many individuals, such development comes about only once they have embarked upon their spiritual journey and have begun to transform themselves by applying the lessons learned from it. In so doing, the spiritually-minded person generally finds that the inexplicable inner void they once felt has finally dissipated.

With the void now filled, he finds that he is at liberty to focus on positive feelings, such as joy, contentment, assurance, gratitude, and altruism. By diverting his focus from negative feelings to positive ones, he should find that he no longer lives merely in reaction to the negativity of the world around him and that this, in turn, vastly improves his quality of life. As mental health counselors, it is imperative that we encourage our clients to do whatever is necessary for them to effect growth and positive change. We must always keep in mind that this is the true goal of mental health counseling.

When we develop our personal character and an attitude of contentment and gratitude, a sense of optimism radiates from us and flows into the world we come into contact with each day. It affects everything we touch and everyone we meet, and is, in turn, reflected back to us. In fact, the attitudes that emanate from us—whether positive or negative—are so often indicative of the kind of day we will have.

Worse, if we continue to allow our circumstances to steal our joy, then what we perceive as a miserable day gets heaped upon more miserable days. Before long, we can become so trapped within a mental and spiritual quagmire that we feel we cannot possibly find our way out of our own accord. The people who seek counseling on their own are those who have come to the realization that they have become so caught up in this cycle of negativity that their lives have become joyless, empty, or unmanageable. Their self-perceptions often suffer greatly as do their interpersonal relationships. In order to affect a positive change in their lives, we must get to the root of the problem by working from the inside out.

On the other hand, people who have developed a positive attitude toward themselves and the world around them tend to be generally happier and more self-assured. This is because they believe they have the ability and the freedom to affect the necessary changes that will impact their lives and their futures for the better. When such a person also has faith in a higher source of power and strength, the combination does much to contribute to a pervasive sense of well being. This sense of well-being is able to inspire confidence that everything will turn out for the best, even when it is impossible to be in control of every detail.

Even if the desired result is not achieved, this individual will be much better equipped to accept that eventuality. In faith, he believes that the end result will be conducive to some greater good even if such has yet to be revealed. He may also reason that, in the very least, the life lessons learned through the experience will be of some future benefit. These concepts are demonstrated very succinctly in the "Serenity Prayer" motto of the Alcoholics Anonymous recovery movement. It goes like this: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

This concept is also powerfully demonstrated in a book I read when I was studying for my Behavioral Science degree. The book was Man's Search for Meaning, by Viktor E. Frankl. Dr. Frankl was a psychiatrist who had been interred in the Nazi death camps during WWII. During that interment, Dr. Frankl made many observations regarding what it took for people to maintain mental and spiritual stability within such an environment. From his observations, he developed a theory called Logotherapy.

Frankl’s theory basically states that the key to surviving intense trauma, putting it behind, and then moving forward with renewed purpose, is inextricably tied to the individual’s ability to find meaning even in the midst of suffering. The human spirit, he says, can prevail even under conditions of the most extreme duress, provided that the individual is able to cling to his core beliefs and values, and can hold tightly to the image of a better future toward which to strive. In stark contrast, Frankl concluded that the individuals who allowed their moral and spiritual perceptions to subside were those who eventually fell victim to the degenerating influences that surrounded them. Those prisoners who lost their faith in the future and their spiritual hold on life, in effect, died a spiritual death long before they died physically. Certainly, we can see that the spiritual and psychological lessons learned under such extreme circumstances can benefit the average individual whose suffering is probably far less severe than anything endured within the Nazi death camps.

In light of the positive impact that spirituality obviously has in the lives of so many people, it is well worth considering its usefulness as a counseling tool. Perhaps the foremost thing a counselor must always keep up front is that his/her view on whether or not spirituality is a valid concept is of no consequence whatsoever in the counseling setting. The counseling experience is not for, nor about, the counselor; it is for and about the client alone. If we keep this point ever in mind then we can be comfortable counseling the Christian client, even if we are an Atheist, and vice versa. We must always remember that the counseling session is for the expressed purpose of allowing clients a safe environment in which to explore feelings, attitudes, and strengths, so that positive traits can be emphasized over less positive ones. In this way, we can help them find ways that they can use their positive characteristics in a way that will improve their lives and interpersonal relationships.

As we encounter clients who suffer from low self-esteem, self-doubts, or who have been beaten down by the circumstances of life, we will want to do all we can to redirect thinking patterns from a negative to a positive perspective. While this endeavor never comes about without much hard work, the task is vastly easier when we are dealing with clients who are in touch with their spirituality, or who at least recognize the importance of working toward spiritual as well as other goals. This is because spiritually inclined persons are very likely to have already adopted many positive personality traits, whether they realize it or not. Traits such as courage, determination, resilience, and the ability to forgive and to empathize, each fulfill an important role in the recovery process. Since these traits require active participation, the client who possesses them is likely to be an individual who is most willing to put in the work hard required to improve his/her quality of life.

In stark contrast, one of the biggest setbacks we see to recovery is that many clients tend to be limited by their own self perceptions as well as their perceptions of the world around them. As a result, they often create their own reality based upon this limited consciousness. Our job, as counselors, is to demonstrate to these clients how they can improve their reality and then to help them go on to enjoy a fuller life. All that may be necessary to achieve this goal is to encourage such clients to give themselves permission to explore possibilities they may not have considered before. Therefore, if a client feels that he/she could benefit by undertaking spiritual journey, such an undertaking should be encouraged.

Considering the important role that spirituality can play in the recovery process, we, as counselors, must never discourage a client from embarking upon a spiritual journey simply because we feel inadequate in our ability to give spiritual guidance. There is absolutely no shame in referring such clients to a specialized ministry or to a religious counselor who can assist them in this area. Our main concern is to see to it that our clients are permitted a safe environment(s) where each and every possible avenue to recovery can be explored.

We do well to always keep in mind that the basic intent of counseling is to help clients to recognize the life lessons that have emerged from their past experiences. Next, we must help them to see how their lives can be improved by implementing what they have learned from these experiences. If spirituality happens to be an avenue that the client feels could contribute to his/her quality of life, then it is up to the counselor to pull out all the stops to enable the exploration of this avenue.

While encouraging clients to explore spirituality as an aid to recovery, we must be extremely careful about the kinds of organizations with which they might consider becoming involved. In particular, we need to be very weary of organizations outside of the mainstream which, due to their unorthodox practices, can rightly be called "cults". Certain other groups, while appearing on the surface to blend into the mainstream, have also perpetrated some of the same spiritually abusive practices of the cults. These are sometimes referred to as "toxic churches".

As conscientious counselors, there are some things we need to understand if we are to allow clients the opportunity to explore a spiritual path while at the same time protecting them from spiritual abuse. As we help them to determine whether a particular group is healthy and conducive to spiritual expression and growth, we can ask three simple questions: WHY? WHAT? and WHO? Let’s analyze each question as it pertains to the potential for spiritual abuse.

WHY DOES THE INDIVIDUAL WANT TO JOIN A PARTICULAR GROUP?

First, there are some things we will want to determine about the client in order to assess whether his/her motives for joining a religious organization are healthy ones and not potential sources of future difficulty. This is where it is helpful to understand the difference between spirituality and mere religiosity and to look at some of reasons why people may embrace religiosity apart from spirituality. As we do so, we will see that many of these motivating factors directly correlate with some of the defense mechanisms noted by Sigmund Freud. In order to assist us in our assessment, we might ask such questions as:

1. (DENIAL): Does the individual adhere to the religion for the purpose for which it is intended--as a forum for the expression of genuine faith--or, is he/she doing so in order to escape or deny some reality?

2. (OVER COMPENSATION): Is the religion used as a crutch, in order to compensate for a profound lack of self-esteem, coping skills, a sense of belonging, or some other quality that is vital to social functioning?

3. (DISPLACEMENT): Does the individual use religion as a way to avoid dealing with personal problems from the past or in the present, in the same manner that a substance abuser uses drugs or alcohol? Is religiosity a replacement for another addictive behavior?

4. (REACTION FORMATION): Is there something in the individual’s past, such as being raised in an extremely controlling household, which causes him to seek out other controlling environments as an adult? Does the client exhibit a tendency to involve himself in potentially harmful situations (i.e. abusive relationships) due to an inability to set boundaries with self or others?

WHAT IS THE GROUP ABOUT? WHAT DOES MEMBERSHIP INVOLVE?

1. How much does the religion or its leadership, rather than faith, exert control over the individual’s personal life (including access to outside information and relationships, independent thinking, finances, decision-making abilities, etc.)?

2. Are there concepts, controls, or practices which are not divulged until the adherent is strongly entrenched or until further indoctrination has taken place?

3. Can members resign their membership whenever, and for whatever reason, they choose--without harassment or punishment?

4. Are the indiscretions of those in authority swept under the carpet, even when they tend toward the abusive or the illegal?

And, perhaps the biggest question of all:

5. How much do fear and guilt play a part in joining or maintaining membership in a particular group?

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

1. What kinds of people typically join the group and what motivates them to do so?

2. Is there a high incidence of mental or emotional problems within the group?

3. Is the attitude among the adherents one of superiority to others (elitism)?

4. Does the group believe that it or its leadership is above the law, or that practices falling outside of societal boundaries are justified in their case?

The term conveys the idea that an individual has become "hooked" on a particular set of behaviors and does them habitually, in much the same way that a person may "do" drugs or alcohol. The individual might be referred to as an "aholic" (i.e. "alcoholic", "shop-aholic", etc.), because so much of his life and livelihood is invested in the pursuit of his particular compulsion. Using this definition, we can easily make a strong argument for the existence of religious addiction/religious compulsion, either in regard cults, or as it pertains to others who adhere to religion in an unhealthy and imbalanced manner.

Beneath compulsive behavior lies intense subconscious needs for emotional fulfillment and, when people allow their subconscious needs to govern their cognitive and behavioral processes, the end result can be quite devastating. This is because people often tend to suspend reality as they convince themselves that nothing is more important than engaging in the compulsive behavior. If the person recognizes that consequences or risks might result from engaging in an unhealthy behavior, he may rationalize that the benefits outweigh the risks, so that he can then feel justified in pursuing the unhealthy course of action. Such a perspective often comes at the expense of more legitimate needs and negatively impacts other areas of the person’s life, including inter-personal relationships, financial security, and the development of healthy coping mechanisms. How does a compulsion become addictive? When the emotional fulfillment that comes from engaging in the compulsive behavior proves short-lived, the individual will likely invest more and more time and energy in the pursuit of it. In fact, it is even possible to become addicted to the pursuit itself. This is easily demonstrated in the case of drug addicted persons, who can become just as psychologically addicted to the excitement of acquiring and preparing to indulge in their drug of choice, as they are physically addicted to the drug itself. Furthermore, when feelings of fulfillment or euphoria are in short supply, the individual can experience a profound sense of loss resulting in depression or anxiety. It then becomes very easy for them to become caught in an endless cycle of striving for the next euphoric rush in the hopes of filling the resulting void.

The corollaries are evident, when we consider the thinking and behavioral patterns of individuals who are strongly entrenched within religious cults and those of people who engage in other obsessive, compulsive, and addictive behaviors. Statistically speaking, the vast majority of cult adherents are recruited when they are emotionally at a very low point in life. Some were searching for answers to the tough questions in life and were lured in with the promise that the group had the answers they were seeking. Others were suffering from major depression, profound grief, or low self-esteem. Some suffered from social ineptitudes and feelings of not really fitting in with society. What is interesting to note here is that these are the very same factors that often play a part in drawing people in to potentially abusive relationships. Furthermore, even when people come to the realization that they are in an abusive environment, they are often reluctant to leave so long as they still feel their emotional needs are being met in some way.

What you have in your hand is a brochure from Freedom Beacon Ministries which outlines some of the practices that spiritually abusive groups often employ. A good portion of the brochure is dedicated to defining the theological differences between mainstream Christian theology and cultic theology. However, I’d like you to take a look at the first section of the brochure because it defines cults from a sociological perspective. Now, please keep in mind that churches are made up of people, so they can only be as virtuous as the individuals who comprise them. What we are talking about here, though, are groups that are decidedly dangerous to the overall well-being of their members. We will want to steer clients away from any groups which:

• Use fear to recruit members (i.e. doomsday predictions).
• Control members through rigid sets of rules and standards (legalism).
• Require complete and unquestioning adherence to the demands of the leadership.
• Use threats and fear of punishment to control and maintain the membership, (i.e.

disciplinary hearings, expulsion, shunning).

• Use shame and guilt to control members (i.e. public humiliation, questioning loyalty).

• Restrict access to outside information or interpersonal relationships (encouraging

total dependency on the group).

• Prohibit independent thinking or study.
• Heavily indoctrinate members. (Cultists tend to give automatically conditioned

responses when questioned by outsiders).

• Sweep errors and even unlawful/abusive behaviors of the leadership under the rug.
• Thrive on secrecy, often having their own vocabulary, hand signals, or symbols.
• Persecute those they perceive as a threat, especially those who have defected.
• Expect or demand large financial contributions/relinquishing of possessions.
• Facilitate an elitist mind-set (i.e. believe they are the only "chosen ones").

Due to the extreme mental and emotional duress caused by such methods, it is not uncommon for psychosomatic, emotional, and mental illnesses to result from cult involvement. Unfortunately, even if only one family member becomes deeply involved with such a group, the entire family system can be adversely affected. The effect is particularly profound when the cult member is a parent, whose influence is bound to impact the children within the family, especially if they are made to participate in the cult.

Worse, the parent may begin to use some of the group’s emotionally, mentally, and physically abusive methods on members of the household. When this happens, the family members who are the most adversely affected are minor children and others who may be expected to comply with this individual’s house rules. The cult-controlled parent may require the same rigid, unquestioning compliance from dependent family members that he/she is forced to comply with in the cult. They may even go so far as to institute a similar system of repercussions when the rules are not followed to their satisfaction.

We frequently find that individuals who have been abused often precipitate abuse on others, thereby perpetuating the cycle of violence. They can be motivated by an intense need to exert power and control over others because they feel powerless over their own lives and feel a need to tip the power balance in their favor whenever possible. Their narcissistic egos are fed as they put others down and the environment in which they find they have the most success is usually their own homes where they rigidly control family members who can be intimidated into submission. It is easy to understand, then, how the stringent controls of a cult can trickle down from parents to children as parents exert power and control over their children in an attempt to compensate for the lack of power over their own lives.

When family life is characterized by rigid, obsessive, or oppressive controls, rather than the facilitation of healthy independence and growth, the result is almost invariably a dysfunctional family system. The emotional and mental impact that such a family system has upon children can run so deeply that it will most likely be carried into adulthood, if no intervention takes place. In order to underscore how serious the impact can be, we might note that case studies into the childhood histories of known serial killers have discovered that extremely controlling mother figures are one very common denominator. In particular, the mothers of nearly all of the serial killers studied tended to be religiously obsessive, and the mental and emotional abuses perpetrated by them often sprung from this intense religiosity. (Have they ever seen "Carrie" or "Savage Messiah"?)

The development of certain patterns seems inevitable within "dysfunctional" family systems, for other family members tend to arrange them selves around the member who is exhibiting the unhealthy or compulsive behavior. Nevertheless, when the family "caters" to the dysfunctional person, they unknowingly positively reinforce that person’s unhealthy behavior. (Think: B.F. Skinner’s theory of positive/negative reinforcement.) This catering becomes the "reward" which increases the likelihood that the behavior will continue; for as long as the individual does not have to experience the negative consequences of the behavior, it is highly unlikely that healthy change will be implemented to the benefit of the entire family system.

Whether the compulsion is to engage in substance abuse, gambling, or extreme religiosity, the actions of the family system tend to be mere reactions to the dysfunctional behavioral pattern of the individual exhibiting it. The idea is to not "rock the boat" because upsetting the problematic individual is likely to cause negative repercussions for everyone in the household. Self-help groups like Alcoholics Anonymous call this response "enabling". It is important to understand, however, that while enabling may seem to be an effective way to "keep the peace", it inevitably causes further disruption within the family system because it:

1. Allows the unhealthy behavior to continue unchallenged.
2. Makes everyone in the household uncomfortable so they feel they must constantly "walk on eggshells".
3. Does not allow other family members to focus on personal growth since the problem behavior consumes all of their energy and focus.
4. Facilitates DENIAL as the family system attempts to keep the façade of normality, cohesiveness, and happiness.
5. Causes the family to isolate from the outside world in the hopes that those outside the household won’t learn of their family secret.
6. Fosters hidden resentments beneath the facade.
7. Puts natural familial affections under constant strain.
8. Creates dissonance within individual members as they are torn between familial love and loyalty and the need to thrive independently of the family system.

These aspects can be identified within dysfunctional family systems, whether we are analyzing those that are abusive, religiously oppressive, or that involve chemical dependency. Thus, in order for us to aid victims of spiritual abuse with their recovery, it is not really necessary for us all to become experts on cult psychology. We can effectively assist these clients if we recognize that:

• Spiritually abusive groups and abusive interpersonal relationships share many characteristics, as do the victims they leave in their wakes.
• Adult children of alcoholics (ACOAs) and adult children of cult members (ACOCs) often have similar issues and, therefore, may be treated with similar techniques.
• Adult survivors of child abuse and individuals suffering from battered women’s syndrome can easily become ensnared in spiritually abusive religious groups. The resulting shame, guilt, and negative self-image from involvement in abusive interpersonal relationships can subconsciously motivate them to seek out further environments that reinforce these feelings.
• Spiritually abusive groups can have the same psychological effects on their victims as child abuse and domestic violence do.
• It can be just as difficult to convince a client to defect from the cult as it can be to convince a Battered Woman to leave the abusive relationship. (Stockholm Syndrome)
• It is imperative to the recovery of individuals in each of these categories that they be given the tools to help them identify and stop the cycle of abuse on every level --emotionally, mentally, physically—and in the case of victims of spiritual abuse, spiritually as well.

One favorite verse that Christians find to be a great source of encouragement in the midst of trials, says that we are more than conquerors through God because we draw strength through Him. Really, the goal of counseling is not merely to help the client go from victim to survivor, for survivors merely exist. Our goal is to help the client progress from victim, to survivor, and then beyond that, to VICTOR--where they will not merely exist, but will also thrive.