I am at such a dead end with my hopeful and amateruish novel. (I don't even have a title yet...but then again, titles usually come to me at the end anyway.) I feel like it's 132 pages of pure idiocy, me being the critical person that I am. I don't know. I just find myself comparing it to other novels and I feel that the whole plot is just a cliche and that it is moving along much too slow. It's strange--the entire beginning (page one thru current page) seems like tons of happenings all jumbled together without explanation--I just want to get in some action!--but I feel that the readers (if there are any) need to know what I'm writing about. I have gotten to know most of the characters well--Mae is a cynical, sarcastic, yet somehow charming 14 or 15 year old (who is kind of modled after me. Whenever I try to put myself into a character, I always seem to fall into her personality.) Jaimy is a rich mama's boy who (15 or 16) who has yet to expierince life for what it is, Raine has a secret (mwahaha) and Weston (my personal favorite) is a flamboyant soul who loves fun, swordfighting, and whiskey. And Mae (his sister. In a brother-sister way, of course.) Is that too many people for a group of traveling main characters? There is also another woman (I have way too many girls in this story, I think), Akilia, but I almost just want to kill her. She used to be the entire structure of the story, but I recently relieved her of her power and laid it on the shoulders of a conniving sylve (sort of faerie-elf-thing) named...um...Arelia, maybe. (Still haven't decided on a name.) I wanted to name her Aria, (ah-REE-ah) but I sadly discovered that in Eragon, there is a character (an elf) who has basically the same name (Arya. Which looks better, too.) I am mad about that--every time I come up with a good idea, it is always hindered by realizing that someone else has already thought of it. Ugh.
If anyone could come up with titles about a made-up land (sort of a rennaisance time period) with faeries, an tyrant ruler (I know, cliche, but what can I do?) and a love story twixt the plot, could you please tell me (in a comment or something.) Even if it is irrevelent, it might inspire me to do something better.
*Sigh*--now back to try to progress onto page 133...
In our school, when we reach the top of the grade, it is a tradition to visit the teachers we had in sixth grade, while they're teaching their class.
So, me not being one to break a tradition, I go and visit my social studies teacher. And, being me, I am one to stand out in a crowd (good way or bad way, I really don't care much) and I'm talking in a sort of Olde World way, scattering my speech with witty quotes that apply to the situation as I always talk. I really don't care, because I hate talking all like, "OMG this is so retarded! Why the he** is the f****** teacher being like this???!!!" which is one of the preferred dialogue patterns of my school. So I merely offset it by talking all "funny" as some call it, using rather large words as I mostly do, talking with a twinge of clever smile as I always do. The poor dear "OMG LIKE THIS IS SOOOOO CA-UTE!" sixth graders have a new nickname for me: "Weirdo..." And which is good. Because I, even though I talk in that manner, was playacting. I meant to be "weird". So I apparantly did a good job. Yay.
I hate it when people try to be clones of all the popular, blonde, peppy and completely dumb girls who "rule the school." It's retarded. (Okay, I do talk in the perferred dialouge sometimes. When I am feeling passionate about something.) I am not lowering myself to fit in with people I don't even like. So there.
I'm losing it. I can't write anymore. It's not writers block, either--I just lost my ability to write. The words in Part II of the fanfiction, when I wrote it...they were just so...so forced. I'm inconsoleably depressed...writing is the part of my life which makes it enjoyable...I can't give up, even though that's something I usually do.
All my thoughts are so...so empty. I can't seem to just automatically pull the right word from my mind anymore, it's just so hard! Augh! Even when I worked on Seopia today, I couldn't get the words flowing, I couldn't reach into my thoughts and extract a story. I couldn't make the characters alive, they died...what is wrong with meeee???????!!!!!!!
