Name: Princess Apricot B. Toadstool (The B stands for Blueberry! Hey, fruits were trendy names back when me and Peach were born!)
Address: 21523 East Koopa Avenue
Phone: 1-800-B-O-W-S-E-R-R-O-X
Email: IloveBowser@IloveBowser.com
Age: 1,234,576 (uh, that's in Mario years)
Occupation: Princess
Other Occupation: Secret Bowser Obsessional
Interests: Gee, lemme, think...........maybe, Bowser?
Height: 4 Mushrooms (Yeah, height's measured in Mushrooms in our world)
Weight: 10 Power Stars (And also....weight is measured in star power!)
Birthdate: July 14, year 12*KN4-9, reborn in year 56P*312
Life Story:
OK, here's the scoop. When Peach was born, she actually had a twin sister, named Apricot. Apricot looked exactly like her except she had eyes that are brown like Hershie's chocolate, hair that's curly like Sherley Temple's, and she is destined to forever be a short person so whenever she hears some song by Snoop Dogg or Li'l John that says "shortie" she can pretend it's about her. But here's the thing. When their Mom was pregnant with them, she ate a brain because some shmo off the street came up to her and sold it for 10 cents telling her it was Angel Food Cake. The whole brain went inside Apricot's head, and so her brain is twice the normal size, making her a psycho-genius. When Peach and Apricot were born, the nurse criogenically froze Apricot so that she could be reborn in the age of information, where a pyscho-genius like her belongs. That's why now, Peach is 24, but Apricot is a 16-year old acne-battling brat, even though there supposed to twins.
One time, Peach was in a play with Mario and Yoshi and everybody, a play about themselves. And they all played themselves. Except they couldn't get anyone to be Bowser so they drew a drawing of him on cardboard and brought it to life by inserting one of Bowser's left eyebrow hairs in it and then shocking it with thunder created by Wario after belching in a five-by-five metal room. So anyway, right before the play was about to start Peach and Apricot were watching a modeling show on TV and saw Bowser. Bowser did the cat-walk across a rock bridge made of what once was Mario's pet rock collection. Bowser looked SO HANDSOME in the catwalk that Peach actually passed out. Apricot was in love with him, too, but she took no-pass-out pills before watching it so she wouldn't miss any of Bowser's charmingness. But anyway, the play was about to start, but Peach couldn't perform!! So, Apricot filled in. She had to walk on stilts though, remember, she's just a little bigger than an Oompa Loompa, this kid.
So the play began. Appy was gettin' way into it when---all the sudden---fire swept the stadium!! The whole audience evacuated, except Apricot. She looked and she saw....drumroll.......BOWSER!!!!!!!!!!!! And some deluded old hag in a purple robe!!! Bowser had come to the play to kidnap Princess Peach, and since Apricot was, after all, her twin, Bowser mistaked Apricot for Peach and kidnapped her. Bowser only found out that it wasn;t Peach when he got back to his awesome castle. But he wouldn't let Apricot leave because she knew his secret. No!! Not that he started the fire in the stadium!! That he was doing modeling!!! So, he kept her prisoner forever. But she didn't mind, cuz she was in love with him.
*****NOTE***** The email address and phone number I gave are NOT REAL. Don't try contacting 'em. The address also is not real. Don't try comin' to my house to duck tape my crazy mouth shut.
