They say it’s a man’s world….
This book is for the young lady in the third grade class that sits in front of the fellow that is always pulling her hair, and makes her yell out in math class. This book is for the sixteen year old, who boyfriend tells her “if you love me you would do it. This book is for the twenty year old mother -to-be who just found out that that her soon to be born child will have a soon to be born sister or brother who will have a different mother, this book is for the wife who husband has just walked out. This book is for me the Author, the woman who has always needed to be empowered.
It has taken me thirty plus years to learn this one. If you are lucky you are the fourteen year old reading this book that way you have already experienced the old boys will be boys. Yet you will have the benefit of “Self” before you consider planning and/or sharing your future. And you will be ahead of the game. Ahead of me and ahead of the sixteen year old being push to make the choice.
So a few things you need to remember is…
LOVE… it is your emotion, you control it, it should not control you. And no one else should have a say in how or if you love someone or something.
You never have to prove love it speaks for it self.
When someone says to you ‘if you love me you will, or if you love him you should… before you make that choice you remember that you must love yourself first and foremost, and if you don’t then work on it. Start now and work on it hard. Because self-love enlarges the soul, and remember that the soul is the source of your joy, pride, happiness, pleasure, peace, and love. These are the things that together make us whole. So to all you woman I say to you “be full of your self’. Be full of dignity, full of hope, and have an abundance of honesty and strength. Make sure that you have all that it takes to survive mentally and emotionally before you get attached to anyone else. No one should be able to make or break you mentally. At any given time you should be comfortable as to who and what you are. And if you not, right now is the time for you to find out. But be careful if you ask the question you must search for the answer. And sometimes it’s not going to be what you want it to be. But that’s okay because you and only you can make any changes that need to be made. I would like to share with you some of the questions that I had to ask myself and some of the questions that I needed answering as I am in search of who I am.
Who am I? What am I?
That in which you can not understand.
For I am a spirit, a hymn, a psalm, a dream
A hope, an intention, a dimension .I am time
Space, air, a place. I am the white dove of peace,
The green eyes of jealousy, the purple heart of bravery
The red-cross of hope. I am salvation, desperation, anxiety.
I am the heat from the fire, the smoke from the flame.
I am the reason, I am the blame. Who am I? What am I?
I do not know, from day to day what I am will continue to grow.
I am yesterday, today, and tomorrow. I am up and I am down.
I am the tears of sorrow, I am the smiles of happiness, I am the
Fear from fright, and the laughter of joy. Who am I? What am I?
I do not know. For today I am rain, and tomorrow I’ll be snow.
I am versatile, adjustable, I am flexible. I change with the weather
The day and the time. I am for most the wind in a spiritual way
I am for MYSELF… unique and divine.
These are my words, my feeling that I share with you. Use them to your advantage any time you need to. If you find that you don’t need these words that you already have an idea as to who and what you are. Then that’s great you’ll already a step ahead in the game. You should take great pride in that and keep it that way. Share it with every one that you come in contact with. Because there is strength in the power of knowledge. The more people know who you are and what you are about, the less people will press and stress you.
You as a woman, as a person need to define yourself. This is not to justify yourself to anyone, this is to set some boundaries as to how you will be treated. You must decide at the very moment that you meet someone, that you will not stand to be mistreated or disrespected. And if you relax on that just one time you will be putting yourself down. This is true in all cases all the time without a doubt.
With either a male or female relationship intimate or other wise you must insist that you get out of it as much as you put into it.
Don’t ever give in to being the giver or the doer in a relationship, once this starts the only way for it to end is to end the relationship. And that will always be next to impossible unless that’s what you want in the first place. The hardest thing for us as people and even more so as women to do is to let go of something that we can’t have, especially if it is something that we still want.
If we can not take a stand then we reduces ourselves into being someone else walking board.
There are three things that a woman needs to be careful of is not to be suppressed, oppressed or depressed by a relationship.
You let no one hold you down; brow beat you or manipulates you. You let no one make you sad or unhappy. And at the same time you work on your image so that you don’t do this to yourself as well.
We should always be on a mental movement to strengthen ourselves.
Pioneers of the mental movements
Striving to improve, calculating night after night
For a simple uncomplicated groove. Cruising through
The day, with an easy smile upon our face.
As if there is peace awaiting us some place.
Some where to lay back and recline, some where to easy our mind.
I’m desperate to embrace this mood, to survive this pitiful stress.
For now I lay by in darkness and sadness and wonder why
My life is a mess?
Remember that womanhood is a beautiful thing. And we should all find a reason to be glad about this. Even with all it’s many ordeals it is as easy as putting on clothes, all we have to do is make it fit us. Like letting out a hem or taking in a pleat. Once you fit yourself and you’re all comfortable then you’re doing things. You can now strut your stuff looking and feeling good doing it too.
One of the things that I’ve notice about woman is that we will always take care of our wants but we can hardly meet out needs. Our wants always seems so much more important then our needs. And I’m not talking about just our material wants and needs either.
I’m talking about not letting anyone be source of happiness or comfort. When he or she leaves then you don’t know if you can make it. That’s an awful way to feel, trust me when I tell you I know this for a fact, I’ve been there in my life.
Now don’t get me wrong everyone both wants and needs love. I’m just saying don’t let it control who or what you are or who and what you will be.
Love is an emotion that is supposes to uplift you. It should always be a stepping stone to a happy and healthy mental and emotional life.
You see it is my belief that external love should not be 100%; sometimes too much of a good thing is not good for us. External love should always come in halves (½’s) the whole idea is to be able to put two halves together to make a whole.
Remember ½ + ½ = 1 (50% +50% = 100% always in any language.
In a relationship his love should be strong enough to come across and meet yours on the other side. And your love should not have to be stretched out or over worked trying to reach out and support the whole relationship until he is ready to pitch in and help out. His love needs to do something for you and your love need to be able to do something for him. You can check out , LOVE ENOUGH FOR BOTH OF US’ below.
If your love can’t assure me that I’m worthy, special, and free.
If it can’t help me see at night, walk proud, tall, and up right.
If your love can’t help me be “whole” and all that I can be.
If it denies me happiness, comfort, glory, peace, and or finesse.
If your love makes my life a mess. If the desires of my heart can’t be met.
And your earnest attempts are still not enough
And if I can’t carry your name without sorrow or shame.
Then is this love enough for both of us?
Is it love enough to get us by the many long years of our lives?
Is it love enough when I cry, for your attention in my time of need?
Is it love enough for hard times? Is it love enough to equal mines?
These are the questions that you may need to get an answer for if you find that your relationship has hit a slump. Do you need to search for this from him? Of cause you do, but you also need to search within yourself. If you can’t get the answers that you need about his love being enough then you need to start looking at yours to be sure that it can equal his as well.
They say it’s a man’s world, but you can’t prove that by me. If you’ll look for that attitude then try spending one week alone. Set your mind into doing everything that you want to do for yourself. Entertain yourself, work for your self, and buy your self what ever you want, something nice. And take the time to feel the spirit of life and you’ll see that it’s a woman’s world just as much as it is a man’s. And once you see this you’ll understand that you may have fewer frustrations getting by alone in life as you do sharing your life with someone who is only willing to give you a small bit of whatever it is you need. But don’t think that in this one week it will all come to you. We all have to pay our dues, and we all need to learn how to suffer.
One of our biggest downfalls as people is that we don’t know how to suffer. The first thing that goes wrong we break down, fall apart, we can’t handle it. It’s as if our whole world collapses. When something goes wrong we need to look at it as just a set back. Cry if you need to but then let it go. Let it all go.
Start working on fixing the problem. Don’t let it hurt you, don’t let it drag you down; don’t let it keep you down. Just take a deep breath and then let it out. Let it all out. Like the song says “you can exhale.” when you learn to exhale you’ll see that the next breath you take will be a breath full of fresh air. And then you can breathe again.
After that breathe you re-track back to the natural and go back to self…
SELF… if you can think about yourself, unselfishly for one hour. How many positive things can you come up with? Before we talk about you characters lets look at your actual being. Abraham Maslow said that very few people will ever reach self-actualization. But there is a long list that we need to work on so that we can get as close as anyone else. However most people present company included gets frustrated and they either give up or go though a long period of one step forward, two steps back. A short list of things to work on would look something like this. (But remember everyone’s list may be different.)
SELF-RESPECT SELF-KNOWLEDGE
SELF-CONTROL SELF-DEFENSE SELF-LOVE SELF-IMPROVEMENT
SELF-ESTEEM SELF-ASSURANCE
SELF-CONFIDENCE SELF-DETERMINATION
SELF-DISCIPLINE SELF-FULFILLMENT
SELF-SUFFICIENT SELF-WORTH
And last but not least SELF-PRESERVATION….there are at least twenty more that you may want to add to your list. What ever works for you!
But remember that you are working towards self-actualization.
Self-Actualization = finding the real you, your genuine self. Once you get close to this and you will then you’ll be alright. One whole person with a full soul. This has got to be our purpose in life. We just need to stay on track with this. I have been riding this train for a long time. And sometimes I feel like that train is taking me no where. Some times I think I get off the train and take long walks, sometimes I even miss the train but I just stay right on that same track and wait it out. Because I know that this is the way that I need to be going if I want to find my real, genuine, authentic, unique self.
And when I’m whole and I reach up, snatch him down off of his high horse, pick him up, brush him off, and sit him down. Tell him to straighten himself up and make room because we’re in this together, and we’re going on side by side and if that’s not the way that he wants it then it’s time for him to more on. But don’t fight this battle if you can’t afford to lose the war. While we are working on ourselves let us not forget that it’s not always what someone else has done to us but some times it’s what we do to ourselves everyone of us have one or two less then desirable qualities that we can’t seem to recognize about ourselves. It goes back to the old saying that you can’t see the forest for the trees. We’re just too close to the picture. It’s just that we can never see what we ourselves are doing wrong, but let anyone else do the same thing and we’ll be the first one to point it out.
Due to society’s views that we have all but agreed to live upon, a woman more so then anyone else should be very particular about what she should and should not do and/or say.
She should always at least care about how someone else may see her; true we will all like to think that we don’t care how others see us or what others think about us. But we must realize that we need others in this world. The people that see us acted up in the market may be the same ones that interview us for a job tomorrow, and not like the way they saw us handle the problem that faced us. And if we keep saying that we don’t care then you ask yourself why you can’t get the job you want? Why you can’t get the nice house? Why you can’t get the credit that the next guy has? Everything works within the system but the system is based on other people’s judgments.
What I’m saying to you is to recognize what your flaws are, and if they are holding you back then you change them. If you can live with them then you must also be willing to live with the consequences.
We should always care about our characters; they are our rights of passage. If someone in the right position doesn’t like your character, they can always make your mountain too high to climb. This is not to say that you let others control us or dictate to us how we should be. I’ll just saying that we can’t change the whole world just for you, you need to fit into the world with the rest of us. This is not all that hard if you respect yourself. And care your self with respect. Below are the words that define my idea of what a woman’s character should be like. But remember we are just sharing ideas here, this one is mine and it’s not to say you have to think or believe as I do, but I do hope that you like it.
THE HEART OF A WOMAN
The heart of a woman should be as pure as gold.
She should love one man and comfort his soul.
She may have great anger but stay well composed,
Always dress lightly and stay on her toes.
Caring for others is always good,
But depend deeply on her self if she could.
Never show evil, sadness, or sorrow
And pay back all debts that she will borrow.
Know that her tears are very nice, but shedding
Too many may have its price.
Remember that her heart should always be polished
And shined, and her personality…should always be
Kind.
You see that one thing that may never change is that society
(That is all man kind) has set standards that we are somewhat forced to live up to.
Like if a woman have two or more male companions, she is looked upon as a… well lets just say she’s not looked upon favorably, however when a man is in this same position, he is treated as if he has just won a sport’s cup or something. At best it is just ignored, people turn there heads and grin just as if he is doing nothing wrong. But remember men did not make this situation alone women does their fair share. They are the first to talk, gossip, and spread the news, along with a little make believe to make a little juicier.
Don’t forget that we as women have as much to say about how our lives should be and how we should be looked upon. We help to oppress ourselves and other women as much as any one else. Think about it, it is a rare occasion that a man seeing another man is the reason for a failing marriage it is usually “the other woman” and at times another man but we all knows right from wrong. And none of us wants it done to them, but is always willing to do it to the next person. It’s easy to say that it’s the man but it takes two, it could not have happened without the woman.
If we hold our selves up to the standard, have some self-respect, and to thy self be true.
We all know very well that we should not interfere in anyone else relationship. And we all know that neither a man nor a woman should start one relationship before ending another. No matter what the cost, it’s always a lose /lose situation.
We should be able to be open, free and honest with our love. If we are not we are short changing our mates and our selves. Remember all that is done in the dark shall come to light, and in the light all dirt shall be exposed.
It is not that you should care so much if it all come out, or whether you will lose anything tangible or not. What our concern should be is that every bad deed diminishes your character and breaks your spirit, and a broken spirit exposes your soul to both your own negativities as well as everyone else.
WOMAN…An adult, a human being of a particular category, a person of distinctive feminine nature.
Take a second to think on and understand the above definition of a woman. There are some strong positive words in there.
We are first and foremost as quoted by the Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary “an adult, a human being, particular, distinctive and of nature.
Are we woman and man different? But of course, but or differences doesn’t make us any more or any less. Women have many skills that enhances her as a person such as woman intuition, a mother’s intuition, mother’s reflexes, organizing and coordinating skills, etc
And indecision. Yes, I said indecision, one of the greatest skills that a woman has is that they suffer from indecision. I say suffer because as much as it serves us it is a curse as much as “ the curse.” not being able to make that decision at a given moment sometimes can be a saving grace. Even if men has complained about it for hundreds of years. This is one of the most notable differences between men and women. Another one not so much to our credit is that we always seem to be lost. Maybe because people think we have no sense of direction. Well believe me that am just the way that it may seem because we are almost always in the right place at the right time.
It goes without saying that yes, men and woman are so different in many ways and most of the time those differences are used against us in one way or another. Most of these issues are used against us in conjunction with our personalities. And in that sense I must say that our difference is much the same, and most times that’s the problem.
There are both men and women alike that have no idea as to how they should treat people other then their selves, every person that they come into contact with they mistreat. They think that they are the only existing spirit and if the encounter any other they are damn set to destroy it. But don’t forget we’re talking about women as much as we are men right now. You know our likes and differences, because this is not a book for putting men down, it’s a book for up-lifting woman. Everything written here is to empower women, strengthen us, to up-lift our spirits and fill our souls.
So with no great disrespect to any man (and just to let you know I have proudly raised five or my own young men) so when I give you my word on “the man” I say this with all the love and respect that a woman can have for men. But there are a few of them that needs to be lower down a step or two
So that some woman (preferably his mother) could reach up just high enough to knock some sense in his head. And without further ado here is
“THE MAN”
Men, it seems are far more suppressive of his
Emotions then any other being.
So it would stand to reason that he would always
Go the whole ten miles
To manipulate and exploit women’s
As he fights to become the monarch of their
Every moment.
Swing his testosterone around as if it
Was some great enchanting incense.
Aromatizing the air with his great man scent.
Clearly losing enough testosterone to be light headed
Which unbeknown to us all, must be linked to the lost
Of oxygen.
Because he is surly becoming empty-headed and dimwitted.
Believing that he is the …………. “THE MAN”.
Some might not say that we spend a lot of time male bashing and sometimes we do with reason but it’s not because we hate them nor have nothing to do with what our sexual preferences are. It’s as simple as defending ourselves. Yes, it is our defense, a way of protecting ourselves, a way of protecting our feelings. Now don’t think that we are any less hurt when a woman do or say something to us. But we feel that we can defend ourselves against women. Why? Because society has told us that women are harmless even their thoughts are harmless. And that their thoughts don’t matter. If you don’t want to believe this then ask yourself, why is it that in the most meaningless fight your girl-friend tells you that you think you are so cute? Your hands fly on your hips, your head turns ninety degrees in both directions, and you shout to the top of your voice, how you doesn’t care what she say or think and that she’s just jealous of you. And you’re not beneath threatening to beat her #%&, not speak to her again, and a number of other things. But if our “man” said that we would lie across our bed and cry for hours before we beat ourselves up for days on what we done to make him say something like that to us. Let’s just say that if god put us on this earth to improve ourselves we’re going to be here for a very long time trying to reach that potential.
LAUGANGE…let’s just talk a while about some of my experiences. This is an area where men and women are different by choice; at less it is most of the time. But mostly we would just like to think that we want to understand each other, but we really like it just the way that it is now. But again we really are not all that different in the first place. We just chose to see and hear things the way that we want to. The way that is convenience for us. If we can see past our own egos for a second or two we would be able to see others points of view a lot better. Because humans have a way of seeing, hearing, and believing what and if we want to. And as much as we know right and wrong, we have a real warp sense of what is right and wrong with or about ourselves. And you can best believe that it is a different understanding of what is right and wrong about other.
Today I can’t understand why it’s alright for me to know what is wrong with me, in my life and not correct it. And anytime I see something in the next guy’s live I can point it out.
When I talk about myself I know that nothing wills get better by it’s self, and that I and only I can make that change. But the things that are wrong with me I have made sense of them and have made it appear that it is alright for them to be wrong. Yet let me find out that someone is having the same or a similar issue and not only am I the one to point it out but I who can not even help my self can surly fix it for them. Not don’t believe for one minute that I am the only person that you know that is like this. As a matter of fact I we can all be honest most of you who are reading this right now am just like me. But don’t worry, if you can see this and feel that it’s true you are half way there. Believe me most people women and men alike will be able to see his or her own flaws and when they do it may come as a shock to them. And then they will more then likely start doing some of the oddest things to change or forget their flaws. Usually making their lives worst then when you didn’t know your flaws. This awakening is called
“MID- LIFE CRISIS.” now you would think that we all know all about mid-life crisis. You know it comes about the time you hit forty or so. It’s mostly associated with men, well let me tell you about the real MID-LIFE CRISIS. Think about this for a minute, first of all not all of us live to be eighty, and now days most of us can live to be a hundred. So why would we call it mid life crisis if it come when we are in or about forty if that’s not the middle of our life. Although I don’t think that I really need to say too much more about that, I do think that we can get something out of this so let me say mid-life crisis is not necessarily all the senseless things that we do when we panic after realizing that we’re getting old. These are just the reactions and results of mid-life crisis; it is the mental and emotional awareness that overcomes us when we realize who and what we are as an individual. It can come at twenty, thirty, forty, or even fifty. It can last a day, a week, or a month.
But believe me it will change your life forever. It will be the beginning of the new you, like it or not, you will either improve or diminish yourself in one way or another. And when it is over you will have to more then likely have to learn to live with the results of your awakening. And if you are not afraid, you don’t know reality yet. It is a well known fact that men have lost homes, families, jobs, credits, and friends and sometimes even their lives during or as a result of mid-life crisis. Well is maybe a lesser known fact so have women. The good thing about mid-life crisis is that most of the time you are only half way through your life and you can often correct most of the mistakes that you have made at that time. If you can admit that at least some of the things you have done was wrong and that you regret them then a second chance could be so rewarding as long as you done have regrets for the same things twice and this is definitely a positive step toward self-actualization, that is if you still remember that this is the goal that we are trying to reach. And now that we have found ourselves back in the area of soul-searching let me say a word or two about soul-searching, as we do it let us not forget about procrastination!!! Not just don’t do it, but also what others say about it like procrastination is the thief of time, that is what ever will be will be either today or tomorrow. Don’t believe things will change tomorrow if you haven’t done anything today to make it change. Don’t waste time wishing and hoping without doing anything about it. Don’t live your live stuck in a situation , waiting for things to get better, feeling that it has to be this way because you think you have nowhere to go, no one to be with, no money or no one to help you. You know what they say don’t you? If it ain’t broken then don’t fix it. Then I ask you what do you do if it is broken? Well I tell you what I did, I fixed it. And I am not the handy-man type either. It was not an easy task, it was scary, and it was lonely for the most part. But in the end I didn’t regret fixing things, only procrastinating about them. It made me a better, stronger me and opened new doors for me. However you must understand that you always have to do what is good for you. Whatever the situation calls for at the time is what is right to do at the time. If you need to leave then leave, if you need to stay then you stay, but don’t ask your mother, don’t ask your sister, and don’t ask your friend because they would only know what is right for them to do not what is right for you. And if you find that you want to go back when he ask you to come back then you go. Because it is obvious that if you do then that is what is right for you. And again don’t ask anyone what is right for you.( remember the old saying, don’t invite people in your house if you don’t want company.) that is if you don’t want people in your business then don’t ask for their opinions if you do you will always get it. Sometimes even when you don’t want it. People that offer lots of advice or opinions
Are idle souls. And let me talk you a thing or two about idleness. Idleness brings about misery and misery loves company, and often times company brings its old friend trouble. So a word to the wise, make it a practice to mind your own business and stay clear of others it will serve you well as it has me. Though this practice I have been able to maintain business with a gas company, an eclectic company, a telephone company, etc.etc.etc. How to do this is, when someone brings someone else business to you (usually by way of gossip) you tell them fast and up front “I don’t have time for so and so’s business”, I need to stay focus on my owns, I would like to keep my own business in good standards. You can not be polite about this you must be firm and sincere. Remember that people rarely bring their own business to the table, and if they do you can best believe that it’s one-sided. You will only hear their side of a story, it’s like a one sided coin. And let me tell you a nickel with a head and no tail ain’t worth five cent. As it is said you can’t buy Chinese food in Japanese with a one -sided nickel. And if you don’t know the different you better ask somebody. And don’t go ask an African either, cause if you look on the map you’ll see that Africa is far from china. And if you want to know what going on in someone’s business you asks that person not his enemies. Because if the truth be told “everybody’s business ain’t nobody’s business.
REPUTATIONS… everybody has a reputation and it will follow you all the days of your life. Even when you change people will remember you for your past, so make your past last…, you a lifetime. You know everyone has that friend that you just can’t tell anything to, because he or she just can’t keep his or her mouth shut. Well let me assure you, it is much better to claim your own actions rather then to let others issue them out to you. That way no one could ever hold them over your head or put them out to shame you later.
Therefore you should never be ashamed of anything you do, if you think that you don’t want someone to know something that you are going to do ,then by all means don’t do it. The same way you’ve heard a hundred times that a man should be a man of his word, well so should a woman be a woman of her word. Think of it this way, it is more important how the world see you then it is how they look at you. You see we all expose our selves to the world by the things that we say and do. That is the way that the world see us because the eyes will see what is clear to them, and our actions will always clearly expose us sooner or later. But don’t give a second thought about how some one chooses to look at you, because you can’t do a damn thing about it. People look at others with their own biases, sometimes they have their nose turned up, they don’t like what you are wearing, or they just don’t care that much for you, or whatever their judgments are. But what somebody chooses to do with his or her own eyes is their own business; they will only hurt themselves in the end. People blind themselves when they don’t take the time to get to know who or what someone is. So remember it’s not how you look at me that will be my problem but how you see me that I must worry about. So if I don’t like how people are seeing me then maybe I need to change. Not because they are seeing me as a bad and uncouth person but because I don’t like that they are seeing me as a bad and uncouth person.
But more importantly then that is the way that I look at and see myself. Believe it or not there are times that we should care about what others think about us, we should care because we care about ourselves and what others think about us is a reflection of what we are thinking about ourselves.
When we find that we don’t like what some people think about us we should take a good hard look at first why, we don’t like it, is it true? Then look at why a person may think this way about you? Did you give them a reason? Did some one else give them a reason? Are they mistakenly judging you? And in the end you come to the goal of changing that or leaving it alone.
Remember that “The heart of a woman should be as pure as gold”. Because in order to reach self-actualization you must be able to honestly make changes and judge yourself… favorably. You’ll know when you’re getting close to self-actualization (and remember not many of us will reach it) but our life goal should be to aim for it so that we will always be bettering our lives. There are signs, but don’t be fooled not everything is a sign. For instance mid-life crisis always appears to be the sign of all signs. But it’s not, not usually, however it could be an important point in the steps. It is one of many crossroads that we will reach in our lives, most of us will get to back track and take another road that is if we do the right things at the right time. After we face our mid-life crisis and we are more aware of ourselves, our needs, our wants, hopes, feelings, failures, achievements and so on. We become advocates of who we are and what we stand for. We no longer let others misunderstand us, misjudge us, or misrepresent us. We become a witness to it all. We learn to stand-up and talk-up (sometimes too loud) but just the same we will begin to shine. We learn to take criticism, we learn to be better judges, we learn when to let go, and when to apologize. Those of us that was to stubborn learns to relax and those of us that was too soft gain strength. It’s a wonderful thing to be a witness to who you are. Personally my first experience with witnessing for myself was nothing short of great. I found that I was as full of my self as a woman. I had suffered and survived and I knew that I could do it again. Alone if I had too. Now don’t let me go getting you all full of yourself. There are something’s I had not been through and that I don’t know how I would handle. But I was now ready to face myself after a setback. I spent a lot of time reminding myself that “this too shall pass” and it kept me grounded during some hard times. (Suddenly finding myself raising kids’ alone. two house fires, loss of my father, loss of a job, a small family business, and the separation of my husband and myself.) starting over in a small rented apartment with four sons, alone, miles away from my large close knit family. And too shame to turn to anyone. “This too shall pass” and it did pass one thing at a time got easier. And then you couldn’t tell me a thing, I had survived and was feeling good about it. And it wasn’t enough to just witness to others I had to witness to myself. I had to let myself know that I‘ve done it, I can do it again, and I know why.
This is my statement.
“I am a witness it womanhood”
I am a witness to womanhood, I’ve had my
Cries, all tears now are tears of pride.
This feeling is not because I’m pompous,
Nor because I’m bold.
More because my sadness is mere and
I’m full of soul.
I’m a witness to womanhood. I have my
Opinions, I know my weaknesses and my fears.
I’ve done my suffering and now I’m whole.
I’m eager and free and full of soul.
I’m sure of myself? I think…
But I know that I’m bold.
You see the awakening foe me let me see that I was too attached to people in the relationships that I had. I would compromise everything about myself to make and keep others happy. (Even my happiness) I didn’t want or need anything but to be wanted and needed. Others opinion’s was my opinion if it would make them happy, then I resented them for it. I had to realize that no one was taking advantage of me but me. I was lost in my relationships with my children, husband, siblings, parents, and the few friends that I had. After my awakening I had to fix what was wrong, renew my relationships. Those that met with resistance I just stepped back on. I made lists of ways to make myself happy, to do things for myself, and to be more giving to myself. It was all such a new experience to me. As a young mother I’d tried my best to be a good provider and model for my children. I hadn’t realized at the time that you needed to love your self f before you could truly love anyone else no matter how much your heart really felt for another person. It is not selfish to put your self first, or to think “me first” (in moderation) that is the only way that you could continue to please other in your live. One could actually lose the ability to be happy or make others happy if their spirit is broken. With a strong spirit you can be bold, it allows you to breathe, exhale, become whole, and be full of soul, and this is all good for the body and the mind.
Speaking of body and mind we need to talk about “Health” sometimes we forget what it means to be human. Men are more likely then women to go to the gym, take a noon nap, lie back in a hammock, or camp out on the sofa. They maybe stereotyped as a couch potato or a remote hound but believe it or not the are staying healthy preventing illnesses. But like the say a woman’s work is never done she’s up from dawn to dusk or sun to sun. She often has a hard time relaxing or resting in either mind or body. Now don’t get me wrong, there are some woman whom will make time to lie around, some of them are just resting and there is nothing wrong with that but some of them lie around all day, watching soaps and game shows all day, kids preparing their own meals before they are even big enough to reach the stove. And almost none of us have a set laundry day or ironing day. But on the other hand women just don’t have the time to be lazy. There are just too many single parent families most of they single mothers, many have to work (sometimes more then one job), keep house, some are going back to school despite having to manager have two, three, four or sometime more children to care for making sure they are in school, gets home safely, and the many other details that is needed to care for a family. These working mothers are strong bold people and if there are things that are wrong in their lives they only need to remember that what they are already doing is miracles in the making. These mothers sometimes after a long day of work may have to rush home to get the kids, serving supper that was made mid-night the day before while laundry was getting done, writing out bills at two in the morning (even if your mind is not keen enough to figure out the best way to split the money), food shopping at six a.m, running around to pay bills on her lunch break. Breakfast is a cup of coffee, lunch is a soda and a candy bar, supper? An old sandwich out of a machine or a sandwich stuffed in your hand bag about twelve hours ago eaten between work and night classes. Ask yourself how long can you expect yourself to keep up this routine and stay healthy in body or in mind? Then one day someone say to you “smile, perk up it can’t be that bad. And the only thing that your mind can register is “perk-up? What about perked coffee, yes ten cups please, or percocets, percodans, somebody please perk something because I’m just too tired and too achy to smile. And yet she must go on because she has yet to be struck immobile. In order to keep at a life like this woman had to become a little more aggressive. Woman have become so aggressive over the pass thirty years or so that we can hardly be seen as romantic or feminine any more. And often when we do we are so starved for attention that we get so deep into the one that is giving us the attention that we forget everything and everybody else. We have come to the point where we know how to take care of our wants but not our needs. If we want something today we will sacrifice anything and almost any body to get it but for our basic needs we will wait forever for someone to give or do for us.
The sacrifices we have made have and will continue to cost us as a society as we obviously can’t see the error of your ways. The sad thing is not that we are sacrificing our children but that we are teaching our children to sacrifice any and everything which will eventually be their children. Yesterday the saddest thing was that fathers was leaving their children behind to have what they wanted most in live (for the moment) whether it was drugs, woman, cars etc. And we wonder why women had to become so tough? I’ll tell you. We had to be hard so that we could raise productive families, so that we can revise the outlook on family unite, so that very time something goes wrong people will remember that when a child messes up he had a father as well as a mother that is as equally responsible for this child’s behavior. These woman have watched their children wait for hours for fathers that was to come and take them out for the day. Hurt and disappointment on their faces for the promise that she knew was a lie as he was telling it. Today the saddest thing is that more and more mothers are also sacrificing too much for their wants to be met. Some woman thinks nothing of paying sixty, seventy dollars just to have their hair done rather then to pay five dollars for a class trip for her child, she’s out at the club three times a week until two in the morning but can’t go to one teacher- parent’s meeting in a entire school year. Because they wants what they want. And who am I to say what whether they are doing right or wrong, it goes with out saying as I have said many times in the book that a woman should always take care of her self both body and soul, and put her self first but not put her child out. Unless that is something that she needs to do and then there is a right and a wrong way to do that. Doing the right thing for everyone in the picture is what family is about. Family I have a idea about rebuilding the family, I understand that no one wants me or any one to tell them what to do with or about their family but what I have in mind is basic it is for any and every one. Try having a memorable time together on regular bases this is for mothers and fathers. Do the simple things like taking the kids to the library once a week? It’s free, it’s learning, it’s together. There are just too many things that you can do for little or nothing that will build strong to the family unit. Ask yourself, did I teach my child to enjoy the value of a family? If you can’t say yes, then ask your self how much you have to do with the failure of your children and grandchildren? What you do now with you children may make the different between whether your son will be an attentive father to his children or a good provider for his family. Or whether your daughter will be a good mother or not. We need to teach our children about family, because everyone needs to know that a divorce is between to adults that had shared life and love and feels that they can no longer. It is not the end of a family, or the end of a mother/child or father/child relationship. The adults need to take the responsibility to always have a family relationship. Once you are a part of a family you are always relate. Once you marry, divorced or not your husband will always be your husband. He maybe your Ex-husband, your estranged husband, your former husband but he is related just the same. There is very little that we can do about that. And most of the time we share a last name. Now wait a minute women lets not all run out and try to get our sure-names back, look at it like this one we share this name with our children as well. And don’t forget that we earned this name by being married to him, giving him children and just dealing with whatever we dealt with. But more then that he may have gotten the good car, more then half of the bank accounts, and who knows what else. And I would ask for anything that I didn’t deserve but I will have this name until I’m ready to give it up. And if that is a problem with him then I will tell him “ha, ha I got your name and you can’t get it baacckk. And he couldn’t get it back if he wanted to and you don’t. But either way the name will always be attached to you somehow. Remember when you fill out legal forms it asks all alias or name formerly used. So woman if it’s going to mean anything later keep your own name or like I did hyphenated it. But let me tell you that can be a real hassle sometimes, especially if your name is half as long as mines.
Now I’m really not here to lecture, that’s the last thing that I need to do and the last thing that you need to hear but something’s just can’t go unsaid forever. And when we say what need to be said please remember that we are just talking here no strings attached. I’m giving you everything that I have, everything that I’ve been taught, everything that I’ve learned, heard, seen, and think that I know. To help use to understand life. And the first thing for you to know is that life is…
If you don’t believe that life is… always less then what we make it, then why are we always working on doing better, working on our relationships, careers, homes, families, and all these things that we build for ourselves. Believe me life is… only what you make of it at the time, and then it changes with or without your input. So, if it is your life then you control it. You can live your life any way that you choose to unless it interferes with others. And remember that the world is of thousands and we are not all in sync with each other, so if you find that something is not right then you need to change. Each of use is responsible to change for the betterment of our selves and for the better of the world around us. And we need to make the changes alone and unselfishly. As I say to my sons “it’s time to change, you need to change for the world cause the world is too big to change for you.” it’s a checking point. And everyone should have a checking point, someone who one loves you, someone who will keep your ego in check. Not all of us have the ability to be honest to ourselves. You see egos are like balloons. Inflated! Some of them are helium and stays big forever, others inflates from time to time while others are filled with water, always on the verge of bursting. With no other purpose then to deceive ourselves into doing what we desire without guilt or shame. Our ego is a full time shit stirrer.
Life is… whatever we allow it to be. Most people today claim to be happy based on material things. But only a hand full of the world has just what it takes (non- material wise) to survive day in and day out and still be happy. And the rest of the world look down on that, well they should be our heroes, our mentors, those who we admires the most, those who we most like to be like, those who we look up to and reflect on our hopes and dreams. Not the ones with five or six cars, three and four homes, and money to blow. They are the ones that preach happiness and eternal joy, yet they are the ones that depend heavily on drugs and alcohol, and get married every two years looking for love. They are the ones that will overdose or try other ways to kill themselves if the media say s that the dress that they wore to a show was tacky or out or date. They are the ones that defies the laws of nature and end up losing everything, because they realized that they were never happy just rich. Why do we think so much of them that have the most money but no confidents and no self respect? Well the sad truth is that life is… any and everything that you allow it to be including a lie. This should be the greatest lesson a person could learn, and the earlier the better. Because right now it takes a lifetime to realize that life is… also the knowledge, experiences, hopes, troubles, dreams, cures, problems, and solutions that we will acquire though out our days, because as much as life is… it will continue to be… something different everyday until the end. If you want life to be an experience of learning and enjoyment, then you need to get with it and start learning and enjoying because there is no time to waste. If you are able to read this then there is at least a small chance that you have already wasted as much time as I have so now is the time to take steps towards that change. The steps may look like these.
1) First, you need to take some time to refresh yourself from the lies you have lived.
2) Then, you need to clean out your heart and mind, that way you don’t walk in the same path as before. Let every step be a new one,
3) Build new experiences both good and bad. And the good thing about this is that you get to learn from them this time.
4) Deal with yourself firmly, remember you are a force to be reckoned with and in the end you want to be the one with the control. But remember we are talking about your life, your happiness, your emotions, and your well being. You should be in control.
5) surround yourself with only what makes you happy and then only if it is good for you, let us not forget the old saying “association leads to simulation” if you deal with shady characters you will soon become one of them shady characters, and long before you are one of them you will be accused of being one of them, or just like them. Remember “a bird of a feather flocks together’. Don’t forget that life is… so don’t take chances with it. Make a change work on it day and night. There is no point in which you fail as long as you are always, at every moment working towards bettering yourself, for your self.
Desire is the first step to almost all situations. But it is only one step, and you can’t go anywhere with out taking the next one. So as I once heard someone say “don’t grow a wishbone where your backbone should be.” you need to make it happen not just wish for it to happen.
The blues ain’t nothing but music.
So you’ll sad and life has gotten you down, well moping around won’t help. You can sing the blues as long as you like when you’re in the mood. But at some point you turn it off and do what you have to do to heal yourself. There is nothing new under the sun, remember if it is happening to you then it has already happened to others. However they dealt with it was their way of dealing and what ever you have to do is your way of dealing with things. Just let me give you a healing phase to start with to help get you by. ‘this too shall pass” once you make yourself understand this, whatever happens, whatever is going on at the time will soon change, and you will soon be singing a new song and dancing to new tunes. As changes come about you should be making choices as to whether or not these changes are going to be good for you. Remember this can take place at anytime. It will be a sort of an awakening to you, to your life. By now you would have already had thoughts of changes that you want or need to make, things that would make your life easier or happier. Now with all of this talk remember that there is nothing wrong unless you say that there is something wrong. When we talk about bettering our self we are only talking about adding to what is already is good.
Everyone has good in them, everyone has a talent, and everyone is blessed. Sometime we just need to dig deep within ourselves in order to recognize what it is we have. I say dig deep because we too often only recognizes what other see and point out to us. But don’t forget that is just their opinion, before you take someone else opinion about you stop and think about the last thing they’ve changed in their lives, the last thing that they have pointed out about themselves. For them and us it’s hard for one to see our own flaws and be honest about them to our selves or to others. The time will come when you will actually find yourself saying I can’t believe I did this, I can’t believe I let this happen, I can’t believe that I accepted this. The problem with this is that we are to o ashamed to admit this to others. Or even if we do we will admit the problem but never take any action to fixing any of them. Again that wish- bone is where that back-bone should be, but not to worry our backbone is the strength of our body, it continues to grow as we do, so we do have time. Sometimes mine grow in spurts and I go into sort of a spring cleaning with my issues. Sometimes I admit what is wrong in my life and I do nothing, that will eat at me but I just keep wishing that things will change but for the time being I do nothing about it. Then there are times when I have a backbone (courage) about my issues, things are wrong I notice thing and set right to correcting them. Ninety(90%)percent of the time the changes or correction are for the best but when they are not then I just keep working through it. Most of the time we need to stop waiting for an act of god to make us happy, we have all the resources that we need to be happy if we want to be.
Most of what we’ve been talking about is life, love and relationships. Life last forever and relationships take forever but love can be short. At least falling in love can be short lived, although you may love that person for a long time. But there is a different in Being in love and loving someone. The trouble is most people are in love with being in love. Not with loving someone so when the thrill of being in love is gone…they move on to the next fall. Because one fall out of love with someone or is not in the “in love phase of a relationship doesn’t mean that they do not love one another. However it has been enough to end a many of relationships and even more marriages. Most of this could be avoided if one or both of the parties are not so full of pride. In fact quite a few of our problems would be solved if we were not so full of pride. Let’s talk one moment about pride.
PRIDE: Has almost always been associated as a good thing, as a compliment. But let me tell you, pride could be the worse of two evils. When it comes to pride or forgiveness pride will cost you the most. Pride could be the downfall of any good person. Some people would rather have their pride and be lonely and miserable rather then to forgive something that someone has done to him or her. Some times our pride can cause us to be hurt more then necessary because we have too much pride to get over a situation that you can just as easy deal with and just get over.
We are still talking about relationships and how pride plays such a big part in damaging them. If you have too much pride too forgive a lover then you may find yourself fighting a battle with more foes then allies. If you find yourself with that much pride and can not forgive a situation then you are what others may say “you are closing doors in a room with no windows”. And surly you will find yourself in a relationship of pain and heart ache with no way out. Ruining both your own life as well as your love one (your children, siblings, friends and anyone else you may come in contact with.)
You may also be putting you and your mate in the most tense and dangerous situation. You can not carry that fury around inside forever shooting it out like a weapon when ever you hurt wanting to hurt others just as much.
I had to learn that forgiving and forgetting are two very different things that have nothing to do with each other. When you are hurt by a love one you may never forget and that is always okay. But if you never forgive you will soon burn all the relationship bridges that you had built, whether they are connected to this relationship or not. Forgiveness is like a burning tower it either burns to the ground or it come crashing down. You can only pile so much up the angry, the frustration, the aggravation, the hurt, shame, along with the fussing and fighting. It will eventfully become too much for anyone to deal with. But why? Because of pride and the fear of changing.
Everyone at one time or another must make some kind of changes in their lives for themselves because there comes a time when love is just a memory. And we find ourselves holding on to that memory believing it is love. But there is just a very few of us that will be blessed enough to have our soul-mate as a life long lover. Most of the time some of us are just so blessed to find some one that we can build a life-long relationship with and others will be just happy enough to love someone that love them back at the same time. But what ever your case may be let it be your will, your choice. I’m not asking anyone to give up on a love or marriage in fact I’m asking that you make the changes in your life in order to keep your self healthy and happy at every turn.
Many times when the love of two people change instead of working things out or working on things we just roll with the punches, waiting for things to work themselves out. Forgetting that a relationship is an institution and you have to put work into it to keep it open and producing. Hoping that that’s just enough to pull things back in to order, believing that it’s enough to keep each of them from wanting someone else.
But one of the things that we all forget is that our hearts remembers what being in love is like and what loving someone is like. If you can remember earlier in this book we talked about being in love is the act of loving someone. Where loving someone are the emotions that we feel in our hearts, but being in love is putting all of your other senses to work in order to receive and transmit that emotion to each other’s hearts. “Two hearts that beats as one” that is the goal that we are all aiming towards, metaphor-ly we are as one. And when a man or woman goes out and cheat in a relationship one of those hearts failed to beat. Remember we are as one. What do you think just happened? This is no test; it is just as it is in life. If your heart stops beating you’re dead. Period.
When your mate finds out that you have cheated, the relationship is in essence dead. Even if you continue to see each other you are only shadowing your dead relationship. The most damaging thing one can do in a relationship is to be unfaithful in it. One might say that unfaithfulness hurts a man’s ego and breaks his pride, when it hurts a woman’s heart and breaks her spirit. But any way that you look at it emotions are in pain and disarray and that can’t be good.
How are we affected by relationships? Society is the one known experience that affects the way a man is affected by anything differently from a woman. Some others may be honorees and surroundings. So let me tell you if you do something to a man to hurt his feelings, as much as he will not want you to see him cry, he will cry if he cares enough to cry. But don’t get caught up in his tears just like a woman a man will use tears to get what he wants. For instance he will cry to get you to stay, he will cry to get you to come back, to get you to forgive what he has done wrong and to keep you from seeing his faults, he will cry for whatever reason he need to in order to control both you and your relationship (s).but if you feel that you need to stay then you stay because it is the right thing for you to do, if you find that you are feeling that you need to go then you forgive and move on but my best advice and I’m sure millions of others will tell you the same is to finish all your business ( forgiving, apologizing, Dividing and separating) before you make that first step out the door that way you won’t keep getting pulled back in.
If you are thinking that so many things in this book has been repeated and repeated then ask yourself, why am I still having problems in this relationship? Why am I still having the same problems in this relationship as I did in my other entire one? Ask yourself are we still having some of the same problems in this generation as we did in the past? Ask your self have you learned anything? Then ask yourself have you used everything that you’ve learned? Then tell yourself that you may still need to hear something’s that you’ve heard before, and sometimes it my come at the right time. But remember do not ask yourself anything that you’re not willing to answer honestly, and remember if you know that something is broke or not working well and you don’t fix it then it can only work broken or wrong and eventually it will cease to work at all.
How our relationships effect us? It teaches us to build bad characters.
Many of us stay in relationships twice as long as we should or need to.
Once we know that it’s not working then we need to move on. Hence the reason too many people have long-term affairs or multiple affairs while married. (This is not met to be an excuse but an observance.) It’s like this; you are in a relationship for two years, first you feel love …or lust for a people. Things are great for some time maybe six month everything you do is with him/her, for him/her, and because of him/her. Then you notice that you are often moody when he/she is around, then you feel that you have no feelings for him/her, well maybe you still like them but not that much. Soon you meet someone else but you and the first people still live together, sharing house and hopes. Remember none of us like change so we are not going to mess up our home (life) not by telling the other one that we have found someone else. So you still together still being unhappy, now being unfaithful, and soon to become uncaring. Until it blows up and we are force to go our own way but by that time we have caused so much pain and sorrow that it will affect us in relationships for years to come. And it breaks the spirit of our mate so mush that he/she will create problems where there is none. Problems that will cast a negative shadow. The last thing that any of us need is a negative impression after a meaningful relationship no matter how long or short it was.
Do we all have to become seeks, liars, and ingrates just because our feelings has changed for a person? Is it really easier to go though that whole ordeal then it is to just end it with the same love and care that you started it with?
As later have a friend that you know that you could love.
A break-up should never have to cost you everything and it should never interfere with any of your other relationships (at less not directly) this is a sure sign that you’ve put all your eyes in one basket.
One might say that alls fair in love and war, but the causalities of love are just as damaging as the causalities of war.
More recently I’ve seen some thing that may just start to restore my faith in people, more and more people are ending relationships and staying friendly in the sense that they can call on one another. And it is even more impressive when there are children involved. Now it takes two very caring and unselfish people to pull that one off.
Do we have it in us to do this? Honestly, no not all of us do, but for those of us that don’t have it in us there is no excuse, it is our responsibility as adults. Children involved or no as adults we need to work harder at this.
I once heard it said that the person that you fall in love with is a reflection of who and what you are. So if you find yourself really disliking them then you need to take a closer look at why the two of you got together in the first place. And if it can be corrected, otherwise you have just expressed the shadiness of your own character.
Metaphors to watch out for. It’s not the words that he maybe saying to you that you need to watch out for its whets behind these words, what is meant in them, what is understood and what is agreed upon.
Don’t let anyone fool you for one minute, men and women are not only from the same planet but often times there are also from the same neighborhood, the same block. So don’t be afraid to put it out there because usually that’s exactly where you found it at in the first place.
They say that a man should be a man of his word, so if he said it he should be held to it. So like they say “don’t get it twisted” we woman know more about what is going on, when it’s going on then we care to admit.
We need to start using all of our get senses and the some, if there is a shortage of honorable men out there then who do we think is going to come save us the helpless woman? Ourselves just by not being so helpless.
We have to know if it doesn’t taste like beef then it’s probably not beef, and if it is then it’s foul. If a man is telling you something that don’t sound right then stop grinning from ear to ear in his face and thinking deep down inside “ this fool is full of shit” because as full is he maybe he is not the fool in this picture. And don’t settle for that sentiment fool bit either cause just as blue is blue a fool is a fool. It’s in that way that you are looked upon, it’s in the way that you act, it’s in the way that you let yourself be seen. So when he is telling you that bull that he thing you are falling for you just wipe that silly looking, yes I said silly looking grin off your face and open your mouth, and make him be the man of his word. Because if he can’t tell you the truth to your face then what do you need him for? Ask yourself why would you let someone make you live a lie? You see we all have to pay our dues. And part of that is that “it’s just as bad to think it as it is to say it”. What ever it is. Why would you sit around with it on your mind that he said that he was going here with this person and you knew when he was saying it that he wasn’t, but you didn’t say anything. Now the friend that he told you that he was going on a trip with is calling you looking for him. And what? When he gets home you‘re going to give him attitude. You could have prevented all of that had you not allow him to lie to you in the first place.
It’s a woman world in the works.
We have once marched the streets with signs in hands, staged sit-ins and protests. We have fought for what we believed in and at the time it was woman rights, liberal rights, and equal opportunities. Yes, we have climbed a lot of mountains and wadded through a lot of waters. And up to today the most things or peoples that stand in the way of women is sometimes women them selves. It may sound strange but yes, I did say our shelve. We are now our own worse enemies. We are losing sight of sisterhood, motherhood, girl-friends, bosom buddies and just plain old female instincts. We are all too willing to sell out the next woman at any giving time, for the tiniest piece of the “all boy institution” which we really can’t have and shouldn’t want. Not that I don’t understand why we want it. basically because there is no equal counter-part for women to par-take in. each of us will always believe that there is a place for at least a few of us, but it is just as it says that it is a “all boys…, not all girls…, and holding on to it is just a tactic for them to continue to get what they want from women.
What I am saying is that we are allowing ourselves to be used against each other by others. There is a loss of comradary amongst us. This is what is allowing us to continue to be hurt and to hurt each other. And to give men a ruling force against us. We are at a time in this life when we need to regain empathy for each other.
These are sad and hard times where there is no unity among us. Men have a great desire to have two or three women, running from one to the other, being unfaithful to the children that they just happen to produce in the mix of it all and the mothers of these children as well as their own mothers and sisters, cousins, etc. by imposing on everyone to keep their secrets and pick and chose from one then the other. Helping to keep the children away from this family event went the other woman and her children come. But this is not happening with out our consent, we are not force to go along with it all. He is not breaking into our houses and he is not raping us. We are settling for this. Even when we dislike it we would rather settle for this then to spend a few nights alone. Our sons are raised seeing his father jump from one family to the other, from one woman to the other, from one bed to the other. And our daughters are being raised seeing us sharing their fathers, fighting and yelling, disrespecting and being disrespected. They are seeing mothers hating her fellow female, learning to betray each other, secrets and shame, and settling for being second. Over-looking health as well as dignity. While dads live with the lady down the street or around the corner and sometimes we count them the lucky ones. (there are dads that live on the next street over and never see the kids or ignore them, or just won’t claim them) their sisters and brothers are living just a hop skip and a jump away, yet they can’t even get to know each other and most times they are made instant rivals either by their mothers’ animosity for each other or their own desires to content for their father’s, grandmother’s, aunt’s or whom ever time, affection and /or attention.
Thus an unending cycle of family anarchy is spreading along with poverty, self-hatred, diseases and so much more one generation after another with no end in sight.
All because of the loss of solidarity among women, all because we turn our backs on our natural instincts to “help a sister out” to be there for her doing the hard times, to show loyalty , to give honest advice, to hold, hug, sympathize, to just not run her down in name or deed. To steer her children on the right tracks when they try to act out and to steer her husband towards home when he tries to step out. Show a sister a little love it’s a start, shit, show her husband a little less love would even help the situation.
And we woman still has work to do…
This is a short synopsis of an illness that is spreading across the world and will soon if not already become a great epidemic. It has little to do with liberal rights or equal opportunities, it has nothing to do with prejudice or moral oppresses. This believe it or not is solely a self-inflicted disorder. Only I have caused my self to be inflicted by this disorder. Only I could have prevented it, only I can treat it, only I can heal it, only I can cure it. And the chances are the simple fact that I already have this disorder proves that I couldn’t have known that I held so much power. The kind of power that it takes to know that I could cause, prevent, treat, heal or cure anything with out a degree of any kind, without a seminar, with out an in-service, without any formal training of any kind. So the program you must plan and implement yourself. Step one of that plan is to believe in the power of self. Steps two, three, four, and … are yours to make.
The diagnosis is a social disorder called womanhood the symptoms is being a woman vs. being a Woman. It is our hopes, dreams, wishes, and ultimate goals to become “all the woman that we could be.” in doing so we must understand (as most of us do) and admit (as some of us may have some trouble doing) that the only way to be the Woman that we are destined to be, is to become a whole woman within our selves. We should not want or need anyone or anything outside of our own minds, strengths and spirits to enhance our abilities to reach our personal goals of becoming a Woman.
The preventions are few if any exist at all. And any early or intra-venation is just pure personality and/or pure luck. There is no good age to start prevention. It is much like the three year olds that has temper tantrums. Those that has them are to be awarded, they are the ones with the insight to know what it is that they want and when. They are the ones that values what they want, think, and believes. They are the up and coming Women. If they can get to adulthood with out any divine interventions; such as well- meaning grandmothers, opinionated church moms, woman scorns, unknowledgeable girl-friends, overbearing men friends, controlling boy-friends and protective fathers, uncles and brothers. Their fates will be sealed and they will be all the better for it. But noooo… that’s not likely to happen. So we past the prevention stage for all the good it did most of us.
And wham we slammed right into the Treatment stage. This is not like treatment of any other kind; this is self-treatment of symptoms that you may not know that you have. Because you are treating a dis-order that you may not know that you have. And if you don’t understand some of this or any of this then not to worry. This is what we hear everyday when men say they will never understand women. Well women will always understand women that are women will always be able to understand other women it will be a rare occurrence for a woman to fully understand herself. And that’s where the problems begin. That great epidemic for which we find ourselves with this bias disorder that only makes a different in woman. The treatment that is need, when needed. The trouble with this is that only we can decide that we (each woman) individually have this problem. Will we readily admit that we have a problem? Not likely! Thus treatment could take a life-time with little or no results. However treatment will happen with or with-out our in-put, whether we want to admit to the problem or not. Because by nature we will always try to better our lives, better ourselves. If it’s nothing more then to enjoy ourselves, in doing so we will inadvertently treat ourselves. Treatment can come in many forms it could be an assortment of things that we do, say, or buy. Something as simple as make-up, a hair-cut, hair color, take a class, go out, new clothes, make a friend, see old friends, separate from a friend, re locate, switch jobs, stay away from family, etc, etc, etc…
On the other hand healing is simple yet complicated. It’s like a jig saw puzzle, sometimes pieces fit that doesn’t actually goes in the place that they fit in. if you try it (what ever it is ) and it works then you have begun changing. It is a beginning in whatever area you are aiming to heal. Sometimes you can’t even see the big picture until you get so many pieces in place.
And just like a jig saw puzzle the more pieces that you put in place that actually fit, the more complete the big picture becomes. The more complete you become, becoming a healthy and happy WO man. (We’re getting there slowly but surely).
“The cure” this is most likely the simplest area of all. But listen up if you miss any of this …all bets are off. READY! You live a fulfilled life, you’re happy, you die, and you’re cured. Now you ask can you be dead and cured. Who knows? And since it’s only affect women how much is going to be put towards finding out. But there is more to this. Now we ask ourselves is this a problem that we can or even want to solve? And for eternity we will toss this thing around and never settle on an answer one way or the other. Because if we do we will affect our future very heavily, and we should all understand that we with all our piety have no right to solve and thus ending the work that every woman should put into herself, to improve herself and subsequently improving future generations. We as a society need to remember and then believe that we (woman) are the epitome of life.
There are only three known genders in the entire animal kingdom, which includes the human race. And they are the Male, the Female, and Androgynous “Asexual” (that is if we can call Androgynous a gender at all.) and of the three only one can not physically reproduce, and that is the Male gender. And Asexual actually clones more then reproduces, that leaves the Female. The only gender that can accept genes, hormones, and cells from another gender to construct life that duplicates the mixture of the two originals. Without trying to lecture you with my poor understanding of science let me get to the point. Again I say woman are the epitome of life. I’m sure in the grand scheme of things we are all equal in value as a being. Of course men may be stronger muscularly then woman, yet a man can never even reach the pain threshold of child-birth that a woman do. So you see when we pass all the pros and cons we are all equal. Even now we still have some ethnic societies that feel that men are important over all and that woman has little or no value to their society, but we will accept that when… in any society a man naturally conceive and give birth to a health baby anything. Therefore the importants of society shall never interrupt the self-inflicted disorder of womanhood, and allow the improvement of woman to forever take its course. As sad and as hard as it maybe to accept, the divine interventions are also a necessary part of this benevolent or malevolent (however you choose to view it) cycle.
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