9. Cheezies do not glow under black light, despite their normally bright appearances.

8. Your grandma uses cheezies to sweeten her baking and alcoholic coffee.

7. In countries like Congo, cheezies can be used in place of the national currency.

6. When you are sleeping cheezies try to eat you but don't worry. There are few cases known where they've succeeded

5. GMC and Hawkins Canada are currently developing a hybrid vehicle that will run on a petro cheezy blend and reduce emissions up to 65%

4.  Russian cheezies have a direct line to President Bush which they use to make prank calls.  Tsk Tsk. Outsmarted by cheezies Bush?  For shame.

3. In Cuba, a band of renegade cheezies was helping Che Guervera during the revolution but they were tragically eaten by Llamas.

2. Cheezies are the natural food source of panda bears.  They go well in a bamboo salad, or so I'm told.

1.  Starving children in Africa can live off a bag of cheezies for 3 and a half months....that is, if the cheezies don't eat them first. 

9. Enter it into a dog show as a purebred Great Dane, win "Best in Show"

8. Use it to fertilize and mow your lawn all at the same time.

7. Tell it all your secrets.

6. Use it as a more fuel efficient and chick attracting vehicle. Sure beats your Mom's minivan.

5. Play Polo.

4. Have races with all the other pet llamas.

3. Use it to win watermelon seed spitting contests at your next county fair.

2. If your band really sucks, use it as your cool gimmick. Slipknot had freaky masks...you can have a llama.

1. Teach it sign language.. but not if you've already done # 7

9. Ticketmaster Person - I wouldn't get paid enough and therefore would  be a form of torture.  Selling tickets for shows I'm too broke to attend myself.

8. Asthetician - Have you seen me lately?

7. Much Music VJ - I actually care about the music and therefore would never get hired.

6. Pet Store Person - I don't like poop.

5. Prime Minister - Unless the slogan "Meh, I don't care" spoke to the masses

4. Military - I dislike conformity and following orders.

3. Whatever the hell it is that Karen does with like, genetics and stuff

2. Math Teacher - The only thing my students would learn is how to say "Math is Evil" in 19 different languages

1. Doctor - Ligaments and Cartilage and Bones Oh MY!

9. Procrastinate from thinking of anyone but yourself: Start a blog

8. Procrastinate from getting a real life: Play bass (or you can play another musical instrument if you prefer.)

7. Procrastinate from getting into a real relationship: Try a new "look" and maniacally cut your hair.

6. Procrastinate from getting a job: Hit the streets and beg.

5. Procrastinate from dealing with your problems: Get drunk

4. Procrastinate from facing the inevitable: Get plastic surgery

3. Procrastinate from protecting human rights: Change the channel

2. Procrastinate from ending poverty: Go out for ice cream

1. Procrastinate from making the world safer: Vote for Bush

10. When going to merge onto a busy road, step on the gas and go the speed of the cars around you, don't go 30km/h you won't get anywhere but in trouble with Lisa behind you.

9. Please. For Pete's Sake. Stop. Driving. In. The. Passing. Lane. When you are very obviously not passing anybody and ESPECIALLY when someone is very obviously trying to pass you.

8. It is unsafe to randomly step on your brakes on a highway. If you need to stop suddenly you're already going to fast to make any difference. You were meant to die anyway so just step on it.

7.  When making a right hand turn, pull over to the right side of the road so the rest of the world can get by you. Its common courtesy.

6. Stay away from curbs. Years of endless humiliation may occur if you don't stay away from the curbs.

5. If you approach a turn in the road, make sure you turn your vehicle appropriately so as to not end up in the ditch.

4. Try not to cut off semi's. Especially if you've only just gotten your learners lisence. It's not good practice.

3. Signal Lights, they're made for a reason. Put down your cellphone and beer for a half a second and use them.

2. In a perfect world, slow drivers would stay in their own damn lane and let the fast ones go by.  But no, they like to drive side by side so that Nobody can get by them.

1. If you see me coming, get the hell out of my way.

9. Find out what happens when you throw thousands of sponges in random peoples swimming pools, then create a company to hire to clean up afterwards.

8. Throw a huge party for everyone complete with keg stands, bonfires and fireworks.

7. Take random people out for supper.

6. Sponsor a couple thousand kids and make them all filthy rich and successful.

5. Rent CN Rail for a day and give free rides to anyone that wants one. Trip to Vancouver? No problem.

4. Put a contest on this site to give away a car. Karen wouldn't be allowed to enter I'd buy her a car complete with chauffeur just for the hell of it.

3. Buy out a few radio stations and forbid them from playing crap.

2. Make charity leaders compete in Twister for money. Give away everything I own and then retreat to my shanty in the mountains to live a life of happy solitude.

1. Finally buy that island and create Litopia. You're all welcome to come

9. How is Jazz music something enjoyable?

8. People who watch golf on T.V.  How boring are you?

7. Why people don't relax and stop fighting all the time.

6. Why fish are always so damn ugly

5. Why it only ever rains on the days I don't have to work.

4. Trigonometry.

3. How come cheese cake doesn't taste like cheese?

2. When you break the toilet, how is jiggling the handle going to fix anything?

1. Ice cream sandwiches. What's so great about them?

10. Getting separated from my family during a thunderstorm in Yellowstone park when I was 10.
9. Being outside, all alone in the dark and hearing a cougar in the bushes beside my house.
8. Coming <---> this close to getting into a head on with a semi
7. Driving with Fred when he's trying to hit an elk with his truck
6. Having to do a roadside sobriety test and being in the back of a cop car ( I passed )
5. Playing chicken with the train and having the train workers come after us.
4. Getting lost in Calgary, Edmonton, Germany, my back yard, in my bunk bed....
3. Mom playing dead. That wasn't funny mom.
2. Being in bed during a bad storm and calling for my parents. I put my arm in the space between the bed and my headboard and somebody grabbed my hand.
1. Living in Norway and seeing a small floating man carrying a butcher knife float through my window.

9. Record the buzzing sound and use it to be original on your next hit record, oh wait...didn't Queens of the Stone Age already do that? Crap, this top ten sucks already.

8. Send them into another land in space to deter aliens from invading earth.

7. Get them addicted to cocaine and use them to smuggle drugs across the border.

6. Have mosquito spitting contests in the summer because spitting watermelon seeds is too easy.

5. Put cranberry juice in front of them to see if they get confused.

4. Develop a high grade fabric from their wings and make Canada a world leader in the mosquito trapping industry.

3. Genetically alter them to create a breed that tastes just like chicken and is loaded with nutrients to help alleviate famine.

2. Train mosquitoes to attack customers I don't like at work instead of eating me alive. 

1.  Use them in mass amounts to disable fighting armies in war torn countries in order to promote peace.

#5 Credit: Karen

9. Getting into accidents and coming out relatively unscathed

8. Storms after a hot summer day

7. Skinny days

6. Finding things that you've forgotten about like clothes, lip chap or gum.

5. Mosh pits and concerts.

4. Blissful states in isolation

3. Good tunes and Good times

2. New socks

1. Waking up and finding out theres still 3 hours until you have to wake up

4. If I was going to get attacked by a bear I would want to carry with me an axe so I could build a raft out of fallen trees and float to safety on the lake

3. You are not the pickle I married

2.  Life is kind of like free parking except more expensive

1. If I was to crash land on a deserted island, I would want to be flying a Safeway truck.

9. I brush my teeth as many times a day as I can. Some people are content with only brushing once or twice a day but not me. Gotta be at least four. I recently took up flossing too. Great stuff that dental floss.

8. I check in the rearview mirror to make sure the butterflies make it out alive. Sometimes they do. I also let the spiders on the first floor of my house live in peace.

7. I braid strands of my hair a lot and when I get a haircut, I like to poke the blunt ends of my hair against my skin. It's a habit I picked up from my mom

6. I let one person stop me from going where I please in my own town. If I want to roam around outside my yard, I go to another town.

5. I prefer to be all alone not doing anything at all except daydreaming or writing than being with people. In fact, constantly being around people drives me to insanity.

4.If my legs aren't totally smooth and silky, I have to sleep with long pajama pants on.

3. When it rains and I'm driving, I shut off my wipers so that the world looks like a watercolour painting. Danger = Beauty I suppose.

2. I constantly count things, fence posts, pictures on the wall, cracks in the sidewalk but not counting by numbers. I keep track with my feet, alternating between left and right foot for each new thing. I get a little distressed when I don't end on my right foot.

1. Sometimes I see things that nobody else can see. Sometimes I dream things that are too real for my liking. Most of you have heard the stories.

10. Lord of the Rings ** I heart Frodo

9. The Mighty Ducks 1, 2 and 3 ** You can't go wrong with a good movie about Hockey

8. Field of Dreams ** Kevan Costner back when he was still cool makes for a cool movie.

7. The Whole Nine Yards *** I can't even count the number of times I've seen it and it's still great.

6. A League of Their Own *** I discovered this movie when I was 9. It's still awesome.

5. Farenheit 9/11 *** Or anything else done by Michael Moore

4. Napoleon Dynamite *** It's stupid, but it grows on you. Idiot!... oh, it's quotable too.

3. American Beauty **** It was all like, artsy and shit. Super fucked up. I like fucked up stuff.

2. Going the Distance **** I laughed until I fell off the chair. Seriously.

1. The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind  ***** It's bloody brilliant. Absolutely fan-fucking-tastic

9. Put cheese on a fish hook, go fishing for mice. Bonus points if you can catch and release. (ew)

8. Build a cheese hut on the island of Litopia.

7.Wear it as a funky hat (Credit: Roland)

6. Throw it in a kiddie pool and squish it around in your toes. Works especially well with cream cheese.

5. Speaking of kiddie pools, have cheese wrestling contests, complete with strippers. It would be especially cool if the strippers were made out of cheese, then they would be worth something. (ouch)

4. Throw chunks at people. Even better is to replace spit balls with cheese balls.

3. Eat it. Eating cheese is good. I like cheese and crackers.

2. Poke holes in it and serve it as the new "It" cheese at all the posh cheese parties.

1. Shape a new friend out it and take it everywhere you go.

9. Pedestrians. Little bastards are lucky I have a conscience.

8. Clones. Why don't you think for yourself and stop doing things just because everybody else is doing it? Why?

7. Teenyboppers. Who the fuck cares if the band is hot? I hope you're not always this slutty.

6. Slowness. Fuck, I hate slowness. Speak faster. Move faster. Think faster. It's not that hard people, lets just move along shall we?

5. The word "Special" because let's face it, you're not "special" no matter what Barney says.

4. Enrique Iglesias.  "I can be you hero baby" Whenever I hear him, I go into a rage. Whoever writes that shit should be shot.

3. Wind. It's loud, it makes things cold and it hurts my ears. Why did I move to Calgary? It's ALWAYS windy down here. Boy, I was thinking there.

2. Stupid people in general, especially the ditzy ones. Get some common sense, stop talking about Britney Spears, get a life.

1. Pansy ass drivers who don't know what they're doing. Seriously people, either step on it or get the fuck out of my way.

10. Had a crush on a boy named Geoff in the second grade. None of the girls ever...EVER let me forget. Ever. They told him 7 years later too.

9. In kindergarten I had an "accident" at my friends house and made the mistake of telling her.

8. In sixth grade outdoor ed Carland J and Bryce asked me if I had any ice and I knocked on my head and said "Nope, no ice in here" Until now I denied ever remembering saying that but ... I haven't forgotten and neither have they.

7. Broke the couch in high school drama not once, but twice. The second time happened to be in a performance in front of the entire school. oops.

6. Pretty much any time I've ever introduced myself to a large group of people I end up embarassing myself. There have been many times, I do not care to list them all.

5.  At a grad party when I was 17 I got drunk and got a boyfriend (or two).

4. I flashed one of my guy friends by accident when I was 14. He promised not to tell anybody...but he did.

3. Introducing myself to 70 of my future classmates in the sixth grade, when my name was called I pointed to myself and said "That's Me!!!"  ... I was weird from that moment on.

2. Drove my car through downtown Calgary with a shorted out horn whilst passer bys shouted obscenities and death threats.

1. Hit the curb. Repeatedly. The name "Lisa Hittincurbs" followed.

9. Fake your own death. I don't care how, as long as it's effective.

8. Convince your prof that there are serious risks involved with stimulating the writing essay portion of your brain and in doing so you can react adversely to the mood stabilizing drugs you're on.

7. Get dysentry or malaria.

6. Reduce your morals and bribe someone with sexual favours to write the essay for you.

5. Convince your true friends to hijack a Greyhound bus and run you over.

4. Drop the class

3. Join the Peacekeepers and commit yourself to a greater cause than essay writing.

2. Create an essay so terrible that you are begged to never write again.

1. Reduce your morals and become a politician, use taxpayers money to hire your own personal essay writer.

9. In the middle of class so you don't fall asleep

8. With buiscuts

7. Out of a tea cup

6. With your pinky raised

5. With the Queen of England (Or with any Queen, its a requirement for them to drink tea)

4. While lounging by a pool. Hot tea and pools go hand in hand.

3. On rollerblades.

2. Tea is tasty!

1. Without repeatedly spilling it on yourself

9.  I didn't get to go swimming once...my only form of exercise

8. The laundry is getting into its third round of "cleanest of the dirty"

7. Stress and lack of sleep making me just a tad bit loopy

6. The toilets are too dirty to sit on.

5. My boss is the biggest asshole in the world.

4. 1000 word essay frantically written and then the printer died 20 minutes before it was to be handed in

3. Midterm tomorrow, frantically studying for it now.

2. Two words. Photo Radar

1. I ran out of tea.

10. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

9. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

8. Miners Refuse to Work after Death

7. Expert : Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash

6. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

5. Headless Body Found in Topless bar

4. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

3. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

2. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test group

1. Heat Wave Linked to Temperatures

9. House of God, Moses speaking, how may I help you?

8. Dicks hotdogs...If you like hotdogs, you'll love dicks !!!

7. Suicide Hotline

6. Welcome to Palmers Garden Centre, you're speaking with a Ho

5. You continue to call? Good! Now I can place the Curse of the Rats on you! *click*

4. This is the year 2073 may we be of assistance?

3. Hello Clarice

2. (Name of your town) sperm bank, you spank it, we bank it! How may I help you?

1. Amish farm. Sorry, we don't have a phone." *click*

10. Remove crucial items of clothing.

9. Lick people's chests.

8. Go on MSN Messenger (even though I know you all do anyway)

7. Call your ex, or get your friends to prank call your ex because it can sometimes result in death threats on your friends phones.

6. Go to the bathroom without a sober chaperone.

5. Start drumming on tables like a professional drummer, it only leads to bruised hands the next day. 

4. Pass out first, penises will be drawn on your face if you do.

3. Attempt to walk home from Cowboys alone and pass out downtown.

2. Pee on the floor of your room or on other people's doors.

1. Give out your phone number to that "hot" guy/girl...because trust me...they're not hot. In fact, they are most likely to be perfect stalker material.

9. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.

8. You can play hockey 12 months a year, outdoors.

7. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.

6. Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?

5. A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her popularity ratings will rise.

4. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.

3. Kill Grizzly bears with huge f#ckoff shotguns and cover your house in their skins

2. It gets so damn cold here you don't have to do anything all winter 

1. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground

9. Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone

8. A ship in the harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.

7. Without vision, we are blind to opportunity

6. Wise men don't need advice. Fools won't take it.

5. May today be better than yesterday, but, not as good as tomorrow

4. A man should live if only to satisfy his curiosity.

3. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW

2. A friend is someone who doesn't like the same people you do

1. There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning

9. Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? (Pull your pockets inside out....) Would you like to?

8. Go up to a someone at a bar or a dance and ask her: do you want a fuck... (wait for a second gauging her reaction)...ing drink?

7. My name might not be Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to.

6. Roses are black, violets are red, what is it going to take, to get you into bed?

5. I am participating in the Sexual Olympics multiple orgasm relay race my partner just died of exhaustion. Would you like to help me out?

4. Are you gay? (No.) Wow, me neither, let's have sex.

3. Hi, my name is {name}, I like peanut butter, wanna fuck?

2. Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.

1. If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?

9. Laywer if I ever have the money or time to go to law school. Unlikely but it would be fun to try

8. Director

7. McDonalds employee of the month (I'm a drama major, its going to happen sooner or later)

6. Psychologist of some sort although I haven't thought that far ahead.

5.  Playwright/Author

4. Bass player in a big famous rock band

3. Radio station programmer - in order to spread my musical opinions to a bigger audience

2. Prime Minister of Canada and leader of the World in my free time

1. Theatre turned movie star - incredibly rich ...oh, and talented too I guess.

9. Create a highly volatile methlab in your living room, tell the truth after it blows up.

8. Do the hokey pokey naked on top of the police cruiser.

7. Light small fuzzy animals on fire, throw them at people

6. Have sex in public places, like the fountain in West Edmonton Mall.

5. Pretend you are a monster truck driver on the highway.

4. Write a ransom letter with magazine clippings and put your return address on the envelope.

3. Beat down your math TA with the very lab book he is supposed to teach from but decides to make up his own stupid examples, and never turns away from the board and explains dick all so you fail your lab quiz.

2. With two of your closest friednds, stage an invasion of the police station armed with potato guns and sling shots.

1. Put dollar bills in the officers pants

Credits:
Brent for #  8 and 4
Zac for # 6 and 3

9.  You will constantly have Dwight Yokum songs stuck in your head

8. Your genitals shall be covered in warts

7. Your house will be plagued with fleas

6.  When you are happy your face will break out in enormous hives

5. When you are sad your face will break out in enormous hives

4. You will not be able to think quietly, every thing you think you will say out loud.

3. Every time a member of the opposite sex comes near, you will have the uncontrollable urge to fart

2. Every five seconds you will blow a snot bubble

1. May a thousand crabs infest your pubes

9. With one arm tied behind your back 

8. Place cookie in your mouth and bungee jump to dip the cookie in the glass

7. Break the cookie in little bits and dip them in the milk one by one.

6. Using your feet, the strategy for that one is up to you.

5. With cookie placed on a plate, milk is dropped slowly onto it until it is moistened to personal preferances..

4. Dip the cookie in the milk using your teeth while fighting off cookie stealing ninjas with the rest of your body.

3. Take a mouthful of milk, tilt your head back and dip/eat cookie.

2. Have someone take a mouthful of milk and tilt their head back, dip cookie and eat it. Leaving the poor volunteer a mouthful of milk with some cookie crumbs in it.

1. Fill a kiddie pool with milk. Hold onto cookie and jump in.

Thanks to Zac for #8 and #1

10.  If you are special enough to have the power, levitate above the line.

9. Sing Celine Dion songs as best you can, works especially well while in line for ... well, good bands.

8. Start taking off your clothes.

7. Have a picnic, you can choose whether you want to share or not, it's nice to share though.

6. Talk to yourself, works even better if you rock back and forth while talking to yourself.

5. Act like you Are the band, sign autographs.

4. Pick your nose to see others reactions, display any gold proudly to the people next to you in line. 

3. Push the person in front to see if you can knock the whole line down, just like dominoes.

2. Play duck duck goose with unsuspecting people.

1. Yell "OH MY GOD ITS THEM" and point in a random direction, might also work to help you move up in line.

9. Black, the color of socks you get for Christmas

8. Red, who doesn't love wearing flashy red socks

7.  Although it isn't really a color itself, but Plaid socks are nifty

6. Magenta colored socks. A magnificent sounding color for socks

5. If you feel joyful, yellow socks would suit you, yellow is a happy color

4. Rainbow colored socks have all the colors in them, can't beat that

3. No socks at all, tis better to run around barefoot anyway

2. Blue, just because it is my favorite color. Blue happy face socks, like the one on my left foot today.

1. Brown, because dirt doesn't show up on them

10. Peanuts just plain peanuts

9. Almonds, they are better than peanuts

8. Chunks of chocolate brownies

7. Whipped Cream but not too too much

6. One cherry placed on the very top

5. Chocolate syrup in a swirly pattern

4. Strawberries

3. Hot fudge

2. More sundae

1. All of the above

10. Top ten sundae toppings

9. Top ten colors for socks

8. Top ten fortune cookie sayings

7. Top ten things to amuse yourself with while waiting in line for a concert

6. Top ten fingers or toes

5. Top ten ways to dip cookies in milk

4. Top ten spells to cast upon people you don't like

3. Top ten ways to get arrested

2.  Top ten ways to run down a pedestrian and still make it look like an accident

1. Top ten top ten list