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Hello,
This is neither spam nor scam, but a genuine appeal. My name is Paul Wickstead, I'm 43 and live in London, UK. Only a couple of years ago, I seemed to have everything, a well-paid job in advertising, a nice home, a beautiful wife, and a gorgeous little baby son. Somewhere along the way, I'm not sure exactly when (believe me, if I knew, I'd have tried to do something about it!), my marriage went downhill, and my wife and I divorced. It was an extremely painful decision to make: my wife was foreign-born (Japanese), and I knew a divorce would mean that she would return to her own country, taking my little son with her. Only those of you reading this who have children of your own will understand what it feels like to lose a son. OK, he's not dead, and I still have contact with him of sorts, but I miss him terribly; I miss not teaching him how to swim or ride a bike, not flying kites on the hill, not playing football in the park, not helping him with his homework, not teaching him how to stand up to bullies... all the things a good father should do. |
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Despite having numerous very good friends, I felt I couldn't turn to them to open my heart. All of them knew my wife (we'd been married for 10 years), and both they and I felt uncomfortable talking about someone who was their friend too. Both my parents are dead, and I have no other family. I had no-one to talk to, and bottled everything up inside. I was in pain. I didn't know what I was feeling, my whole life was turning upside down. My wife and I just were'nt talking: we'd tried marriage guidance, which didn't work, and all I knew was that our lives were miserable, and that we were both desperately unhappy. I didn't want my son to grow up with two such people as his only role model for relationships, and I knew that both my wife and I still had a chance to find happiness elsewhere if we parted. I still loved her, and of course I still love my son, but divorce seemed the only way forward. I finally sought counselling, and it was then that I was finally able to put a name to my feelings: grief. The counsellor, a wonderful lady, told me that someone doesn't have to die in order for us to feel grief; we can still feel that tremendous sense of loss. This was a revelation to me, and being able to put a name to my feelings helped me to deal with them.
So I agreed to my wife's demand for a divorce. I didn't want to fight her for anything, and I didn't want to destroy the quality of life my son had, so for his sake I let her have everything, custody, the house, car, furniture, everything; all I kept were my computer, my clothes and some books. My ex-wife promptly sold everything, and as I feared, returned to Japan. I figured that as I had a good job, I could just start again in a little flat somewhere. It's expensive starting from scratch: I had to buy everything again, from plates and cutlery to saucepans and bedlinen, to furniture... look around you in your homes, and think how much all the stuff you've got actually costs if you add it all up. Obviously, I had to cut out all the luxury items, like a TV, washing machine etc. I took out a big loan from the bank to help me out, found myself a little flat to rent, and began to rebuild my life. Then, disaster struck: I was made redundant from my job. |
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That was in 2001: I haven't been able to find a job since. This is despite me being a graduate with over 20 years experience in my field, an IQ of 155, and an excellent CV. Time and again, I'm told I'm too old, too experienced, too qualified blah blah blah "Just not what we're looking for right now". I'd take any job, but when I try even menial, low-paid jobs, I'm told the same. People see my potential and experience and know that I wouldn't stick around if something more suitable came up, so they don't offer me the job. I've looked into retraining courses, but either I don't qualify because of my age, or I live in the "wrong area", or some other reason the government gives me, or they cost huge sums of money I can't afford. I've looked into starting my own business, but I can't do anything without capital. No-one will lend a jobless man money. |
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The divorce and the redundancy together left me crippled with debt. I owe around £25,000. I still even haven't paid the solicitor for the divorce! My creditors are hounding me, and I just don't know what to do. Yesterday, I saw an article on the news about a woman in New York who owed about $20,000 dollars on her credit card. She set up a website asking for donations to help her clear her credit card debt. To my amazement, enough people were kind enough to send her a dollar, resulting not only in enough to clear her debt but allowing her to donate sums to charity too. I was stunned by this information: to think that there were enough people out there who didn't judge this woman badly, and were kind enough to send her money. Perhaps, I thought, someone in my situation, a situation that arose from simple bad luck, rather than lifestyle choices, could also try this. |
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To be honest, I don't want to do this at all. I was brought up to stand on my own two feet, and never ask for hand-outs. I'm embarassed to admit I need help. I'm ashamed to tell anyone I've had to resort to this. I don't want my son to find out his father begged for help. But I'm really desparate now: my creditors are threatening to take me to court and have me bankrupted, which would spoil any chance of starting my own business. I have to pay off my debts and set myself up on my own. It's the only way I'll ever earn enough to see my son again (he will be 7 later this year, and I'd love to turn up for his birthday: I haven't seen him in so long). Please help. If everyone reading this could send me just 1 pound or dollar, then I could start my life all over again, and get out of this rut. All I can offer you in exchange is some hard-learned advice: please don't take any happiness you currently have for granted. In a single moment, it can all be snatched away from you. Believe me, I know. So go and hug your loved ones right now, and tell them you love them. Live your life as if it will all end tomorrow, because you never know what can happen. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I wish you all well.
Please send any donations via PayPal to this address: paul.wickstead@virgin.net
This site became live on June 3rd 2004. Regular updates on progress will be given, as will a countdown on debt reduction. Any money received over and above the stated requirement will be donated to other people in need.
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