Blackadder is the best tv show in the history of television. Here's some of my fave Blackadder quotes...
Baldrick: "Well, Mr Blackadder always says, when the going gets tough, the tough hide under the table"
Nursie: "Ointment. That's what you need when your head's been cut off. That's what I gave your sister Mary when they done her. 'There, there,' I said. 'You'll soon grow an new one."
Blackadder: "If we lose, I'll be chopped into pieces. My arm'll end up in Essex, my torso in Norfolk and my genitalia stuck up a tree somewhere in Rutland."
Blackadder: "We live in an age where illness and deformity are commonplace, and yet, Ploppy, you are, without a doubt, the most repulsive individual I have ever met. I would shake your hand, but I fear it would come off."
Blackadder: "We're in the stickiest situation since Sticky the Stick Insect got stuck on a sticky bun."
Blackadder: "Bloody explorers, ponce off to Mumbo Jumbo land, come home with a tropical disease, a suntan and a bag of brown lumpy things, and Bob's your uncle, everyone's got a picture of them in lavatory."
Blackadder: "Oh, God! What on earth was I drinking last night? My head feels like there's a Frenchman living in it."
Blackadder: "The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the devil's own satanic herd!"
Blackadder: "I think I'll write my tombstone - Here lies Edmund Blackadder, and he's bloody annoyed."
Blackadder: "With 100,000 men dying every day, who's going to miss one small pigeon?" *BANG!*
Doctor: "Now lets not split hairs, its all rather disgusting and naturally you're worried. Well of course you are! It's not everyday a man wakes to find he's a screaming bender with no right to live on God's clean Earth than a weasel."
Blackadder: "Ah ha. Lets see if I've got this straight."
"If I admit that I'm in love with..."
[guard shakes his head."]
"No??"
[guard does a half somersault]
"Oh, If I say that I'm head over heels in love with Satan and all his little wizards, you will remove my testicles with a blunt instrument resembling some kind of gardening tool, but we can't quite make that out, and roast them over a large fire.
Whereas, if I don't admit that I'm head over heels in love with Satan and all his little wizards, you will hold me upside down in a vat of warm marmalade..
[pause..sees guard isn't finished...realisation]
AND remove my testicles with a blunt instrument resembling some kind of gardening tool.
Well in that case, I love Satan....
[guard produces a scythe]
Oh, it's a scythe....."
Blackadder: "Baldrick, why do you have a piece of cheese tied to your nose?"
Baldrick: "To catch mice, my lord. I lie on the ground with my mouth open and hope they scurry in."
Lord Flashheart: "Thanks bridesmaid... Like the beard!! Gives me something to hang on to!"
, anyway, take care, Lynz xxx
