Black and White Stories
I'm Brogan, show name Zander's Licquorice Allsort. I'm the most beautiful horse in the world, I know this because my mother tells me everyday. I hope you enjoy my stories.
My Mother's Strimmer
I was munching away quite happily at the lovely juicey grass when I heard my mother saying "Wow, its stopped raining, I'm going to cut the grass". Well, off she popped to the shed for her strimmer. I heard a rumble and there she was picking herself up off the ground. (She had tripped over the handle of her strimmer) out she came with it, ready for business. I thought to myself, I just got to watch this......it's going to be good.
Well, she get's herself organised, checks there is petrol in it, checks that there is enough line for cutting, and when she is satisfied she props it up against the barrow to start it up....Oh! she forgot her gloves, try again. Oh! she forgot her safety glasses. Right here we go.
She pulls the cord, Brrm, nothing, again Brrm, nothing. She fiddles with the button thing at the back, (the choke I've heard her call it) Brrm. Brrm, nothing Brrm, Brrm, nothing. I am watching her face now and its going a funny shade of red. She has started shouting at the strimmer, calling it all sort of names (and not nice ones) Well, she sets it down and lights a cigarette, sits down and is muttering to herself. Cigarette finished she gives it another go. Brrm Brrm, nothing, Brrm Brrm Brrm Brrm, Yes! it started.
She has a big smile on her face which lasts for all of 10 seconds. Man, I'm thinking to myself, what's happened now. Blow me down, it's only started pouring with rain. Panic Sets in.... She is now trying desperately to switch the bloomin thing off and it just won't stop... She is shouting and cursing at it (Loudly) and eventually manages to stop it. She picks it up and takes it back into the shed still muttering to herself. As she turns round to come out, (you guessed what happens now) Yes.... she trips on the blooming handle again. (more shouting and cursing). She comes storming out of the shed, rubbing her leg and goes into the house, still muttering and swearing under her breath.
Well, I had to laugh. Didn't I say this would be good, and it was. Now, back to my lovely, juicey, Wet grass. I'll just munch away here until the rain stops and she comes out to try again.......
Oh Bother
Oh bother (or words to that effect) not my bloomin feet washed AGAIN. I must have the cleanest feet in Aberdeenshire, or even the world.. I hate water....ech!! I wonder if my mother would stop if I kept lifting my foot out of the bleedin bucket, (neigh) Maybe I could move about a lot and make her dizzy, (neigh) Maybe I could keep pushin her out of the road, (neigh, have you seen the size of her) Maybe I could just keep movin my feet just as she goes to throw the water, (neigh) Maybe I could try lookin scared, then she'd feel sorry for me, (neigh, I canna see her fallin for that one) Maybe I could try throwin a wobbly and scare her, (neigh, I tried that once before and got a punchin) Oh well, maybe I'll just stand here and grin and bear it, it's not so bad once she starts, and it makes me feel all warm and sleepy, (except for the soakin feet) The things I do for a quiet life........................