Autumn's Twilight

Something I tend to do when I'm upset, hurt, angered, confused, and/or heartbroken is write poetry. I'm not going to "boast" and say how "good" my poety is. For it is in the eye of the beholder (or should I say writer?). So all I can ask is that you take from it what you will. Though I do hope you enjoy it and send me feed back.

Poetry is listed in alphebetical order...not chronological order, with the years they're written within paranthisis.

Being a Teen (2005)
Come What May (2005)
Final Goodbye (2005)
Fool -Lyrics- (2006)
Here I Stand (2005)
Holding the Hope (2005)
I Let You Get to Me -Lyrics- (2006)
Letting You Know (2005)
Lost Key (2005)
Love Anew (2005)
No Regrets -Lyrics- (2006)
Nothing More (2006)
Nowhere Else (2005)
Pondering the Us (2005)
The Game (2006)
Trying to Make It (2005)
What Can I Say -remix to Come What May- (2005)

Poetry written from the year 2007 and on can be found HERE.

Standing here, I have to wonder

About the things that I ponder.

Being young during these years

Some common things are these tears.

Trying hard to do my best.

Half the time I feel like a pest.

Going one way then another

Getting angry with my mother.

Teenage years are supposed to be rough.

Though we all try to pretend we’re tough.

All our vulnerability we try to hide.

Always showing our best side.

Wanting to run away from this.

Ignorance can truly be bliss.

My mind wanders when in class.

I must admit I see the half-full glass.

Nothing ever seems to change.

Everything else out of range.

Stuck between an adult and child

Wish my feelings were just mild.

Friends seem to come and go

Sometimes I feel out of the flow.

Writing seems to keep me sane.

Stress seems to be my main bane.

Relationships change from friends to more.

Sometimes I lose track of the score.

Seemingly lost within my dream

My life is flowing from the stream.

Moving back and forth like a yo-yo

I never thought it could hurt like so.

Parents seem to think that this is better.

Maybe they should read that letter.

Pressure to do wrong is thick.

All of that making me sick.

Try my best to do what is right.

For my rights I try to fight.

Taking deep breaths, I try to calm

I always seem to lose my lip balm.

Make-up seems to be too much.

When on a date I play Dutch.

Older siblings seem to be friends.

Never knew life had so many bends.

Brothers threatening my current boyfriend.

.Some things they say may never mend.

Music rules my world twenty-four-seven.

Some friends say I act as if I’m eleven.

Being mature when I need to be.

Others just don’t seem to see.

Emotions zooming all around.

Sometimes we feel as if we’re bound.

Getting in trouble for the things, we say.

Needing a vacation at the bay.

Being a teen has its ups and downs.

Most of us act like clowns.

Needing our alone time more than ever.
Thank God that this won’t last forever.

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Another day has passed me by

Here I sit still wondering why

Seeing you should be a curse

Yet, to not, would be much worse

To build my defense, I have a week

All my thoughts making me a freak

Hopes are rising that to me you’re blind

For if I’m not, please act in kind

Wondering of what to say

Swirling emotions; come what may

Walking on uneven ground

To these thoughts I feel so bound

To see your smile will be a joy

Thus this thought I wish to destroy.

Dreams still mock me every night.

Every day these tears I fight.

Praying to God so I can move on.

Wishing you would just stay gone

Always curious about how you are

Like a star you’re just to far

Within my dreams with you I see

Knowing that this just can’t be

Lying in shadows behind the scenes

Doing everything within my means

Is it wrong to feel like so

So many answers I wish to know

My heart and mind just don’t agree

Just where am I supposed to be

Another day has passed me by

Here I sit still wondering why

Wondering of what you might say

Swirling emotions; come what may

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This is my final goodbye.

No longer will I wonder why.

I’m keeping my eyes set on the stars.

Never again will my mind stray to mars.

So many others feel like this.

I can still remember our first kiss.

The gentle beating of my heart,

Matching yours from the start.

Your sparkling eyes peering into mine.

Yes, our love was so very fine.

A tender touch from your hand

You made me feel oh-so grand.

Our love’s light shined so bright.

Did we really give it all our might?

Here I’m left with a shattered heart.

Did we really have to part?

Loving you is not a choice.

Oh how I miss hearing your voice.

This is my final goodbye.

No longer will I wonder why.

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Here I stand alone in the dark.

Thoughts are swaying from the mark.

Days go by without a care.

Confusion all I feel I swear.

Trying to walk but forced to stay.

On my mind these thoughts lay.

Every moment I hide from my fears.

Like rain, my eyes drip with tears.

Dreams are lost by the minute.

Wishes just don’t seem to make it.

Open my mouth I try to scream.

Nothing is what it seems.

Feeling locked within a case.

I just can’t make it to the base.

Emotions churning all around.

Who knew how tight I was bound.

Thoughts of him stir within.

I’m not sure if I can keep this in.

Forever stuck without a break.

I never knew what I had to take.

On my mind, I try to ignore.

Thus making my heart very sore.

Trying to move on, away from this.

All I remember is his kiss.

Here I stand alone in the dark.

Thoughts are swaying from the mark.

Show I stay or should I go?
All I know is that I love you so.

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Five months since the end.

Here I stand against the wind.

A picture of you always on my mind.

A thought without you I cannot find.

My mind says it’s over.

I feel like a loner

Friends think I’m over you

Knowing that you do too.

Heart still holds hope.
I feel like a dope

Tripping over the thought

Feeling like I’m caught.

Every night I send a prayer.

Hoping that you still care.

Missing you so much it hurts.

Constantly annoyed by the flirts.

Within this stubborn heart I hold out hope.

A life without your love I could not cope.

Singing the songs from my soul.

Always forced to pay the toll.

Wondering about you day and night.

Always I try to keep you from my sight.

Others try to mess with my affairs.

Always insisting there sudden cares.

I try to pretend that you don’t matter.

Every thought making my heart shatter.

Wanting to say the way my heart feels.
Wondering if I could ever break though your seals.

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So tell me what it is you want me to do. I try my best, yet you say it's not enough. You want to talk feelings, but when I do you speak as though I'm wrong.

[chorus] I want you to want me, but I'm so tired of wishing it to be. The words I want to hear are coming from another. No one understands why I let you get to me.

Ultimatums, yeah, let's talk about ultimatums. You've never said to choose this or that, but the implemation hangs over the conversation. At first I didn't think about it... I let you walk all over me.

[chorus] I want you to want me, but I'm so tired of wishing it to be. The words I want to hear are coming from another. No one understands why I let you get to me.

I've made my excuses, defended you in every which way. I let myself get swept away with fantasies and false ideas.

[chorus] I want you to want me, but I'm so tired of wishing it to be. The words I want to hear are coming from another. No one understands why I let you get to me.

Back where I started is where I am.

I try to pretend that I don't give a damn.

You don't see the pain behind my eyes.

Daily I try to break my ties.

Seeing you almost every day.

But I'm the one who has to pay.

Hurting inside I try to deal.

Always hideing how I feel.

Watching you from a distance.

Trying to hide my existence.

Never talking face-to-face.

Always staring into space.

You're so close, yet so far.

Missing everything that you are.

You don't know that I love you so.

Which is the reason why I feel low.

Wanting to tell you all of this.

Getting advice from my sis.

Already knowing how you feel.

So this should be an easy steal.

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The fog has lifted from my vision.

Now I stand with my final decision.

I will love you forever... that much is true.

But now I can move on away from you.

Happiness I'm not use to follows me.

Knowing the truth was the lost key.

Feeling light knowing of this.

Flying in this feeling of bliss.

Seeing you from a distance.

It doesn't bother me in this instance.

Talking with you not in person.

Seeing you daily, thought it would worsen,

Heart still hurts, but not like before.

I'm getting use to being the one you ignore.

Wondering not of what you think.

Don't get mad, I'm just being frank.

We're sort of friends, yet we're not.

A time we were I forgot.

Letting this go is hard to do.

Everthing I knew is going askew.

No longer crying myself to sleep.

My mended heart you no longer keep.

Smiling brightly for no reason.
Coming to...This is my season.

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Pieces of me stay with you.

At times, I pretend that you love me too.

Unlikely moments stay on my mind.

Love, I realize, is not always kind.

Believing that we’re meant to be.

Every time I wish that you would see.

Running away from how I feel.

Grudgingly I try to deal.

Having to feel the way I do.

Over and over, I think of you.

First love is now anew within.
Finally, we can have a new begin.

(*The first letter of each line spells out the name of the guy I was thinking about when writing this poem: Paul Berghoff.)

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Nowhere else I’d rather be.
But here with you here with me.
Wishes are made hearts are broken
I miss the words that use to be spoken.

I won’t tell of what I feel.
Forever will these lips be sealed.
Fingers type the words you see.
Telling of all that’s here in me.

Do you care I have to wonder.
Before I sleep I always ponder.
What ifs circling inside my head.
I can’t believe what you said.

Hurting others because of this.
Not sure which I’d rather miss.
Something comes something goes.
From this heart I never chose.

Secret identities keep me here.
I always try to hide my fear.
Needing to get away from this.
Always dreaming of your kiss.

Trying to move on, dreaming of you.
Can’t help but wish that you love me too.
Your voice still rings within my mind.
The road to peace is hard to find.

Walking alone, I can still remember.
Within my soul I feel the ember.
Eyes wide open, I still see you.
Pretending I’m fine is what I do.

Something comes something goes.
From this heart, I never chose.
Nowhere else I’d rather be.
But here with you, here with me

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Are we friends or are we not?

You told me once, but I forgot.

The days are changing and the nights are long.

I keep on hearing our old song.

I try to dream about tomorrow.

But in my heart, all I see is the sorrow.

Day by day, I await your call.

Who knew how hard my heart would fall.

Night by night I hear your voice.

I have to wonder if I had a choice.

With a smile, you played your games.

Hell, you even liked some of my old flames.

You told of secrets you wished to share.

Oh how I wished you would take my dare.

I can't help but wonder what we are.

These feelings for you are so bizarre.

I want you gone, yet I want you close.

I hate the feeling that you’re the one God chose.

Until the end, I will try to stay calm.
But how I wish you’d drop the bomb.

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Glancing over her shoulder I can't help but smile
Just seeing you makes my heart go a mile.
I'm playing a game and it's kind 'a ironic
Your eyes mesmerize, play me hypnotic

It's my turn and I have no clue
Just which move I should do
I'm not sure if I can take this chance
Would you want to try this dance?

Confusuion persists, my future unknown
I can't help but want you as my own
Songs I hear seem to fit my soul
Not so sure I can pay the toll

Is this it, is this the end?
I know my turn is around the bend
I don't really wonder if you feel it too
Not to be arrogant, but I'm sure you do.

Talking with words so vague
Confusion running like the Plague.
Trying to know you more than ever
Troubled thoughts, oh so clever

Forgiveness comes, the dullness goes
Light is shining, our friendship grows
That look in your eye I know for sure
Being around you is my unlikely cure

She pulls me away from the thought
In that moment I know I'm caught
But this news isn't that new
To know this truth, she's one of a few

Talks of a new love

Your spirit is like a dove

Exchanges from the heart

Feelings colorful as art

Silence tearing at you.

You’re trying to make it through.

Confusion all around

Feeling as though you’re bound.

Hearing nothing but the whisper

She’s acting like a drifter

Friends say to let her go

Both your choices making you low.

You can’t help but wait

Wondering about your fate

Wanting to let her go

The feelings of pain like so

You try to talk

She takes a walk

No where else to go

Everyone else seems to know.

With her you thought you’d won.

Now you barely see the sun.

Missing your smile

Feel like you ran a mile.

Drudging on without thought.

You know her feelings can’t be bought.

Holding on for a reason

Can’t go on handling this treason.

Silence tearing at you

You’re trying to make it through.

Every night you wonder how she truly feels.
You just can’t make it through her seals.

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*(Remix/Parody to my poem "Come What May")*

Another day has passed me by

Here I sit still wondering why

Knowing you is my curse

Seeing you is so much worse

To build my defense, I have a week

Knowing that you are a freak

Oh how I wish that I were blind

Because seeing you just isn’t kind

Wondering what you might say

So many people think you’re gay

Trying to walk on uneven ground

Can’t get away for I am bound

To see your smile will be a joy

Oh how I wish you were my toy

Nightmares come, staring you

What can I say; we know it’s true

Praying to God to just move on

Why won’t you just stay gone

Curious as to how you feel

Because of you I lost my meal

Within my dreams all I see

Is you staring at your pee-pee

Lying in shadows; behind the scenes

Avoiding you by all means

I know it’s wrong to feel like so

But I just have to go with the flow

My friends and I just don’t agree

How stupid you are, don’t you see

Another day has passed me by

Here I sit still wondering why

You’re staring at me as if I’m mad
What can I say; you’re just too sad

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