Mark and Tammy's Excellent Adventure

I was thinking today about my list I made awhile ago about the things I'm thankful for and I've thought a lot about Mark and the things I'm thankful for about him.

1. Mark has insulin reactions...many times. A lot of times it's during the night and I'll wake up to him in a reaction. I get to wake up and spend more time with him and talk to him that I otherwise wouldn't get. I'm thankful.

2. Mark has trouble seeing because of his diabetic retinopathy. Many times when we go to the movies, I have to lead him into the theatre because he can't see. I get to hold my husband's hand a few moments more than other couples...as we all know as you get married, you no longer hold hands or make out while watching a movie. It's all about popcorn! So, I get to hold Mark's hand a little longer. I'm thankful.

3. Mark gets dizzy spells. Sometimes they are so bad to the point that I have to hold him up or else he will fall. I get an extra hug. I'm thankful.

4. Mark's disabled and can't work. He spends most of the day sleeping while I'm working in the next room. I get to spend time with my husband while I work. I'm thankful.

5. Depending on his days, Mark doesn't always have the strength to be able to wash his hair, cut his nails or other simple things we all take for granted and I have to help him. I get that extra bonding time and get to feel my husband's skin and hair that much more. I'm thankful.

6. Because Mark is so tired, we're often in bed by 8. We don't go to sleep right away but we'll watch TV and drift off....I know some of you thought different when I said "we don't go to sleep right away"...get your minds out of the gutter! :) I get to lay there with my husband and listen to him breathe while he rests. I'm thankful.

7. Mark doesn't have the strength to do a lot of the "man" things around the house. Usually I try to fix as much as I can or else find someone to help. I've learned more about doing the household fix-ups and I've become smarter about those types of things. I'm thankful.

8. Mark isn't able to give himself his insulin shots anymore because he can't see the lines on the syringes because of his eyes. So, 4-5 times a day I have to test his sugar and give him his shot. I get to spend more time with him and be able to touch his skin even more, knowing that I'm helping him stay alive. I'm thankful.

9. Mark's on a special diet that requires reading more labels and being careful about what he eats. I've learned to cook more and be more conscious about what we eat rather than eating junk food all the time. I'm thankful.

10. Mark doesn't have the strength to run after kids or play with them too much. Plus his hip bothers him when he runs. I know when Tyler and Peyton are here and they are begging Uncle Mark to chase him and he does, he's doing it because he loves them and not because he can. I get to see the love with every step in that chasing. I'm thankful.

I’ve looked back at Mark’s and my time together and I realize there have been a lot of tears.

“The doctor says my kidneys are failing. I’m either going to need an insulin pump or a kidney transplant.” Sadness

“I’m going out on a limb here and I have a feeling the limb is going to break. I want you to be with me forever.” Joy (what a proposal, huh? :))

“Tammy, I’m so sorry to have to tell you this. Mark’s kidneys are failing rapidly. We need to start dialysis now.” Sadness

“The surgery went great. We can start dialysis immediately and he’ll be a new man for your wedding in 2 months.” Joy

“The blockages are so bad that we can’t do an angioplasty. We need to do bypass and we need to do it quickly.” Sadness

“The surgery went great. Mark even gave us a thumbs up!” Joy

“I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but there is a problem with Mark’s brother’s kidney. The transplant has to be cancelled.” Sadness

“Mark, I want to give you my kidney. I want to give you the best Christmas present.” Joy

“I’ve been dreading this phone call. Mark’s heart is very weak. Before we can do the transplant, we need Mark to be evaluated by a heart transplant surgeon to see if he needs a heart transplant before the kidney transplant. I’m so sorry.” Sadness

“The risk is very high, but I don’t think you need a heart transplant. I think the important thing is getting the kidney transplant and that will help your heart.” Joy

“There is a 50/50 chance something will happen in the surgery. We will have a cardiologist right there, but we’re warning you that there is a high risk something will happen.” Sadness

“The surgery went wonderful. Scott and Mark are doing great. The kidney is already producing urine!” Joy

“Mark’s had a heart attack. We need to transfer him and get an angiogram done as soon as possible.” Sadness

“The blockages are too bad. It’s too much of a risk. The bypassed vessels are completely blocked. I’m sorry, but there’s nothing we can do. We need you guys to think about getting evaluated for a heart transplant.” Sadness

“At this point, things look pretty good. You aren’t in need of a heart transplant.” Joy

“My period came. I’m so sorry, honey.” Sadness

“I got my smiley!” Joy

“This is the best I’ve seen you, Mark. You’re walking good. You’re looking good. And you’ve actually got a sense of humor! I think things are going wonderful and I really don’t see any changes we have to make.” Joy

With the tears of sadness, comes tears of joy.

veryone has those moments in life they will never forget. Moments like September 11, the Challenger explosion and, if you're old like my husband, the day Kennedy was shot.

I have quite a few moments with my husband that I will never forget. Like the day he proposed to me and said "I'm going out on a limb here and I have a feeling the limb is going to break". When he had his heart attack and was clutching his chest and holding my hand, looking at me and saying "I love you so much, Tammy", as if he wasn't sure he was going to make it. After his kidney transplant when he couldn't say anything because he had a tube down his throat and he gave me our "I love you" sign. When he was in the hospital and his heart numbers suddenly went high and he clutched his chest saying "I'm having the big one. Just kidding!" (I think both my mom and I were ready to smack him with that one. :)). After our wedding when my dad gave me a Butterfly Kisses book (that song was sung at our wedding), Mark had tears in his eyes and said "I want a daughter. I want butterfly kisses.".

There are so many moments. Moments I will never, ever forget. Just the other night, Mark apologized to me for putting me through so much. He told me "Just think. If you hadn't married me, you wouldn't have had all this pain." I looked at him and said "Yeah, you're right. I wouldn't have had all the pain, but you know what?". After quite a pause, Mark said "You would've missed the dance?". I nodded. He knows I wouldn't give up the "dance" for anything in this world.

When Mark and I became friends, I always knew he would be in my life forever. I knew he would be my best friend. I wanted him to be at my wedding. I wanted him to be at the hospital holding my first baby. I never wanted him out of my life. I was always afraid of becoming more than friends because I knew if we ever broke up, he wouldn't be in my life anymore and I couldn't imagine my life without him.

Mark hasn't had a real easy life. He was diagnosed with diabetes at 4 years old when his brother found him in a coma. He spent a lot of his childhood in the hospital and even had to repeat first grade because of all his hospitalizations. His parents were told Mark would be lucky to make it past his teenage years.

Diabetes has controlled a lot of his life and its complications have caused many surgeries and life-threatening conditions. He's a fighter and a hero to so many people.

But that isn't what Mark's life is about. When you ask Mark about his diabetes, he says he doesn't know life any other way. It's just his life. Mark's life is focused on who he is as a person: a husband, a dad, a brother, a son, an uncle, a car collector, an artist, a toy builder, a carpenter and a friend.

Mark has taught his family so much in his years. He has brought us all so much joy and laughter. He has taught us the good in life and to cherish each other and every moment we have.

Mark, I love you so much. Thank you for teaching us all what is so important in life. You are so special to so many people. We've been through a lot together but there isn't anyone I'd rather go through it with than you. Happy 50th birthday sweetheart.

Thank you for the dance.