Mark and Tammy's Excellent Adventure

We have 2 wonderful boys. Chad is 19 and is a freshman in college. He is studying to be an auto mechanic. Peter is 16 and is a sophomore in high school. He's very anxious to graduate. :) We're so blessed to have such wonderful boys...although they do pick on me a lot. :)

Ever since we started dating, Mark and I have
always had a special love and bond. We are always
together and so much in love. Maybe it is his sickness
that has brought us so close together.

Mark has been fighting diabetes for over 40 years. In
2000, he started showing signs of kidney failure due
to his illness. Two months before we got married in May
2001, he was forced to start dialysis. Every other day
was spent driving him up to the dialysis center. I was
fortunate that I worked across the street from our
house and was a couple blocks away from the dialysis
center. I could always drive him there and pick him
up. The hardest part about it was dropping him off and
leaving him, knowing I wouldn't be talking to him for
at least four hours. Having my uncle die in 1988 on
the dialysis machine made it even harder to leave him.

Mark has always been a very quiet, shy guy. Although
he's always been very romantic and has always treated
me like a queen, he's never been one to show a lot of
emotion in public or around other people. I, on the
other hand, love to show emotion at all times. I've
always been one to say "I love you" when I'm leaving
Mark for even a minute. Even just going to the
bathroom or to another room, I'm always giving Mark a
big kiss and telling him how much I love him.

Well, you can imagine how much it bothered me
leaving Mark at dialysis without being able to say "I
love you" or showering him with kisses. It would have
been too much for Mark. So, to make us both happy, we
made up our own "I love you" hand signal. It was a
hand signal that only the two of us knew and a way
that both of us could be satisfied. I could leave
knowing the last words I "said" to him were "I love
you" and Mark didn't have to say it in public. It was
a perfect set-up.

This went on for almost a year until his kidney
transplant. I would drive him up to dialysis every
other day and every time I left him, we
would give each other the hand signal.

In March 2002, Mark had his kidney transplant.
Because of his weak heart and other issues, it was a
longer surgery than expected. And after the surgery,
Mark was sent to ICU with a breathing tube down his
throat. He wasn't able to talk at all. I could tell
Mark was very frustrated with the whole situation. He
would consistently try to move and get comfortable. I
knew he was very upset about having the tube in and it
broke my heart to see him go through it.

I thought he was mad at me. The nurses would talk to
him and he would nod or shake his head. When I tried
talking, I would hardly get any movement. I knew he
hated having that tube in and was very frustrated
about his whole situation. I was so depressed and
sad because I didn't want him hurting like that. I
spent the first couple hours after the surgery crying
because of everything Mark had to go through. I prayed
to God to show me some sign that he was okay and he
understood what was going on.

I kept going in every ten minutes--as much as they
would allow me to. Nothing was changing. I could still
tell that he was so frustrated and uncomfortable. It
was heart breaking.

Visiting hours were over at nine, so my mom and I
went in to say good night to Mark. He was still having
problems getting comfortable and was still incredibly
frustrated. I held his hand and explained to him that
I had to leave for the night, but would be asleep in
the waiting room and would come back during the night
to check on him. He slowly nodded and I began to cry
as I softly kissed his hand.

I was still crying as I turned around to leave. My
mom stopped me and turned me around to Mark. His hand
was lifting off the bed and ever so slowly formed our
"I love you" sign. I ran back to Mark's bed and
grabbed his hand said "Oh, honey, I love you, too. Do
you know that?" He squeezed my hand and nodded. It was
then that I knew Mark was okay and everything was
going to be fine. God had sent the sign I had asked
for and needed to see so desperately.