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Jay Bilas Still Works! 1/3/12

Posted by Kristen Geil on January 3, 2012 at 4:15 PM Comments comments (0)

For those of you who aren't Twitter-savvy yet, listen up, because this is one of my favorite aspects of The Twitter thus far in our relationship. Every morning, Jay Bilas lovingly selects an inspiring rap lyric and tweets it to the world, followed by the catchphrase, "I gotta go to work." With that simple press of a touch-screen, my morning is jumpstarted and I am ready to attack the day myself; often, I too tweet an IGGTW message in hopes of having the same impact on some of my followers. In this blog feature, I thoughtfully analyze Jay Bilas's IGGTW tweet and how you, the everyday reader, can apply it to YOUR dreary mornings before work. Let's get it on.


Hey readers! Can we all just take a second and soak in the fact that I wrote the year correctly on the first try in my first post of 2012? Clapping wouldn't be frowned upon in this moment.


With the new year comes new resolutions, and one of mine is to get back on my IGGTW hustle. Jay Bilas (and Michael Kidd-Gilchrist) go to work every day, so why shouldn't I? Here it is, my rhetorical analysis of today's "I Gotta Go To Work" tweet.


I bet he's wishing those headphones were Beats by Dre.


@JayBilas: So many cars, I’m like eenie, meenie, miney, moe. So many colors in the diamonds, Kaleidoscope. I gotta go to work.


"Ballin" is a single featuring Lil Wayne off Jeezy's fourth studio album Thug Motivation 103: Hustlerz Ambition.




The song taunts lesser hustles than Jeezy and Wayne who think they are impressive simply because they have staked an area in the hood. Jeezy jeers, "You think you ballin' cause you got a block?" (Note: Block could refer to one's neighborhood or a brick of cocaine. In either case, Jeezy feels having only one is nothing to brag about).


Jay's chosen lyrics are simple enough to interpret. Rapped by Lil Wayne, this segment of the song expands on how wealthy Jeezy and Wayne have become. For example, their garages are overflowing with automobiles- earlier in the song, Jeezy boasts about how nonchalantly he can purchase another car: "Hopped out the Lamb’/Said 'f-ck it, bought another car'/I bought the Phantom just to say it’s black/I bought the Phantom just to take a nap."


There appears to be more than enough room in the backseat to do so comfortably.


Wayne also mentions that the copius amounts and varieties of diamonds he owns are reminiscent of a kaleidoscope in all its multi-colored and ever-changing glory.



 


 

If you've read my other rhetorical analyses of Young Jeezy's lyrics, you may notice that this one is more light-hearted and mischievous than the rest. Whereas Jeezy's albums have typically followed more cynical themes, such as the risks associated with hustling and the wear and tear of the daily grind, this song is a celebration of being on top, of being the number one trapstar. In tweeting this lyrics, Jay Bilas inspires his followers to think about the rewards of going to work every day. Without going to work, one cannot enjoy the finer things in life, such as Grey Goose, supermodel escorts, or a nice new Honda minivan for your family. Keep your eye on the prize, and hustling will seem infinitely more bearable.


Ladies and gentleman, Jay Bilas has gone to work.

Ally Tucker Goes to Work... AND School. 10/27

Posted by Kristen Geil on October 27, 2011 at 9:50 AM Comments comments (0)

For those of you who aren't Twitter-savvy yet, listen up, because this is one of my favorite aspects of The Twitter thus far in our relationship. Every morning, Jay Bilas lovingly selects an inspiring rap lyric and tweets it to the world, followed by the catchphrase, "I gotta go to work." With that simple press of a touch-screen, my morning is jumpstarted and I am ready to attack the day myself; often, I too tweet an IGGTW message in hopes of having the same impact on some of my followers. In this blog feature, I thoughtfully analyze Jay Bilas's IGGTW tweet and how you, the everyday reader, can apply it to YOUR dreary mornings before work. Let's get it on.




When she wakes up in the morning after a long night of sleeping on hotel floors, leaning against germ-infested walls, Ally Tucker has to go to work. Which is actually at school. As a molder of young minds and creator of werewolf PowerPoints, I'd like to salute her work ethic by showcasing her "I Gotta Go To Work" tweet this morning.


@TuckAlly: You busters are gelatin, peanuts to an elephant. I got through that sentence like a subject and a predicate.


Ah, Lil Wayne. I'm happy to have finally encountered him and his glorious dreds on this blog. Born Dwayne Michael Carter, Jr, Wayne has had an illustrious and fascinating career thus far. He joined Cash Money Records at the tender age of nine, a gig he got by calling Cash Money records rapper/owner Bryan Williams and leaving him freestyle raps on his answering machine. At age 12, he played The Tin Man in The Wiz, and at age 14 he dropped out of the magnet school he attended (where he was an honor student) to focus on his rap career.




My first Lil Wayne memory? "Solider" by Destiny's Child. I would argue that this cameo solidified his fame and status as a talented recording artist. 


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Another fun fact? Wayne is a Phoenix!


That's right, he's taken online classes at University of Phoenix and majored in Psychology... just like me!


Anyway, I could spit fun facts about Lil Wayne fah dayz, but let's get to his lyrics, from the song 6 Foot 7 Foot (which was originally intended for TI, another of my favorite rappers). This song, replete with word play and lacking a true chorus, represents the first single Lil Wayne recorded since being released from prison (he was held for eight months on criminal possession of a weapon). (Another fun- or rather, grimacing- fact: his sentencing was delayed because of major mouth surgery in which he had eight root canals, the replacement of several tooth implants, as well as the addition of a few new implants and work on his remaining original teeth. BRUSH YO' TEETH KIDS)




"You busters are gelatin"- gelatin is a solid, flavorless substance with little nutritional value. So here, Wayne and Ally are saying that they are stronger and more flavorful than their haters. "Peanuts to an elephant"- their haters are miniscule, insigificant little people while Wayne and Ally are larger than life (and presumably have good memories as well). And finally- "I got through that sentence like a subject and a predicate." Comparing his prison sentence to a grammatical sentence (which is identified by its inclusion of a subject and a predicate), Lil Wayne proclaims that he not only survived his sentence, but he is stronger because of it. As far as I know, Ally Tucker hasn't yet been arrested, so hopefully this isn't a literal relation to his lyric.


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Ladies and gentlemen, Ally Tucker has gone to work. And school. 

90's Girls Problems 10/26

Posted by Ally Tucker on October 26, 2011 at 5:30 PM Comments comments (0)

90's Girls Problems Twitter Account Revealed-- 10/26/11



Why do I love this Twitter account like I loved JTT (Jonathan Taylor Thomas)? Because it completely sums up my childhood. Every single tweet I read makes me laugh because I either was "that kid" or I knew "that kid." I'm not sure who runs this Twitter account (my instincts point to Aunt Becky, Mark Summers or Lori Beth Denberg....), but whoever it is, they are brilliant and must have lived the 90's exactly like me. Much like Kristen with her "Jay Bilas Goes To Work" posts, I will attempt to pick out a Tweet each day and analyze/elaborate on the information for some of you younger and older readers who may not understand. Saddle up your My Little Ponies and enjoy the ride!


Tweet #3:

@90sGirlProblem: 3 minutes is never long enough for the Temple Run. #GoBlueBarracudas 



Before BIG BLUE NATION (#BBN), there was BIG BLUE BARRACUDA NATION (#BBBN). Go ahead and admit it, you watched the show-- and you had a favorite team. Sometimes, you might have cheered for another team because of some hottie on that particular episode...but generally speaking, you stuck with one team or another. You were either a Red Jaguar (booooo! Reminded me of U of L even at age 10), a Blue Barracuda (my team of choice...shocking!), a Green Monkey (eh), an Orange Iguana  (my second favorite team), a Purple Parrot  (they never won, ever), or a Silver Snake  (they always seemed kind of evil to me). 

Legends of the Hidden Temple was an action-adventure game show that centered around a "Temple" filled with lost treasure guarded by a mysterious Mayan temple-guard, Olmec (and host Kirk Fogg--underrated hottie). Teams of 2 (I always thought it was unfair when a team of 2 guys competed against a team of 2 girls--though I felt like Billie Jean King when the girls beat the guys) competed for "artifacts" known as Pendants of Life (INTENSE!)  to win the game. Strange concept? Perhaps. The 90's was famous for a lot of things, but one of the things that the 90's often don't get enough credit for is having some of the best game show challenges for kids. Legends of the Hidden Temple is just the tip of the ice berg temple. 


In today's 90's Girl Problem's Twitter analysis, I will dive head first into the Agro-Crag best competitive game shows of the 90's. 


"GUTS"




I wanted to be on that show sooooo freaking bad! Seriously. I would "play Guts" with my neighbors to help ease the pain of my parents not letting me actually try out for the show. 

I can't quite put my finger on why Guts was the most intriguing of all of the game shows for kids. Perhaps it was the quirky hosting duo of Mike O'Malley and Moira Quirk (get it, quirky duo? Badum-chhhh) the British accented referee who they always made try to pronounce the word "bouy" for the water competitions in the crazy "wave pool". I giggled every time. 

(You just know those 2 hooked up once or twice over the years...)

Or perhaps the "SPILL YOUR GUTS" segment in between competitions, when Moira and/or O'Malley would ask the kids about their sporting and non-sporting interests. Some young girls plan out their weddings as children...I planned out my "SPILL YOUR GUTS" answer:


My name is Ally Tucker and I play soccer, basketball and I'm on the swim team. I love all sports but soccer is my favorite. When I'm not playing sports I collect marbles and play outside with my neighbors. I invented a sport called "Rollerblade Basketball." I also like to read and earn Book-It points so I can get a free Personal Pan Pizza at Pizza Hut.  My favorite tv show to watch is 90210. #TeamDillon


But the most likely reason that GUTS was the coolest show of all time? Two words: Or maybe 1-word: Or maybe a hyphenated word:  AGGRO-CRAG





"What Would You Do?"



Let me just ask the obvious question: Was there a show on television on Nickolodeon in the 90's that wasn't hosted by Marc Summers? I remember the show, in theory, but I had to use my good pal Wikipedia to remind me of the details:


 

"During each show, the audience viewed a previously taped segment or stock film featuring children or families or others put in unusual situations. The tape was stopped before the outcome and Summers asked the audience to vote on either what they would do in the same situation or what the outcome would be. After the results were tallied, the outcome was played. Special guests, usually performers from other Universal Studios attractions, appeared on What Would You Do? and picked audience members to perform gross, silly or extraordinary stunts. Stunts could involve handling animals, painting, dancing or creating sound effects."


Thanks, bruh   Wiki.  

My favorite segment on the show? The "WWYD Medley Cards." At the end of each episode, Summers and a random audience member would have a WWYD card taped to their forehead. They could either choose to do what the unseen card said, or go to the Pie Pod. Some examples of the WWYD cards?

 

  • Hold 300 worms
  • Eat Ice Cream with Ketchup
  • Crack Eggs on Head (ooooohhhhh no he didn'ttttt)
  • Sing with a Dinosaur (um, what???)
  • Hold a Leech (That's the only one I would never do)

 


"Family Double Dare"



(Family Double Dare was ahead of it's time....Modern Family prequel?)


Again, another show on Nickolodeon hosted by Marc Summers (the Ryan Seacrest of the 90s).


All you need to know about this show is that I had a cup that looked exactly like the cups from the show. As a result, I have told every person I've ever met that I was on this show with my family back in the day. I have told them that our episode never ran on air, but that we have the tape somewhere in the basement that they gave us of our episode. I feel like I just ruined a "Late Night Confession" to Usher with that one, but guys....I apologize. I lied. We just happened to randomly have cups that looked exactly like Double Dare Cups. I was never on the show. GASP!

I was unable to find a picture of the cups, but they were clear with blue stripes. You know the ones....But I did find this picture of Marc Summers.


"Wild & Crazy Kids"




Yet another show hosted by Marc Summers. JUST KIDDING! Omar Gooding was the host. And a few other random puberty-ridden kids. 


The premise of this show? Well, basically, to do gross stuff that makes kids under the age of 13 say "COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL" or "RADDDDDD"  or "AWESOOOOOOOOOME!" 




And the common thread seemingly holding alllllll of these great shows together?


Slime....


Slime...


And more slime....




Maybe I just don't watch enough Nickolodeon anymore, but these childhood game shows of the 90's were pretty awesome. And weird. But mostly awesome. And also all freakishly similar in theory. 

I miss the 90s....


Stay tuned for the next addition of 90's Girls Problems ....





90's Girls Problems 10/25

Posted by Ally Tucker on October 25, 2011 at 11:55 AM Comments comments (0)

90's Girls Problems Twitter Account Revealed -- 10/25/11



Why do I love this Twitter account like I loved JTT (Jonathan Taylor Thomas)? Because it completely sums up my childhood. Every single tweet I read makes me laugh because I either was "that kid" or I knew "that kid." I'm not sure who runs this Twitter account (my instincts point to Aunt Becky, Mark Summers or Lori Beth Denberg....), but whoever it is, they are brilliant and must have lived the 90's exactly like me. Much like Kristen with her "Jay Bilas Goes To Work" posts, I will attempt to pick out a Tweet each day and analyze/elaborate on the information for some of you younger and older readers who may not understand. Saddle up your My Little Ponies and enjoy the ride!


Tweet #2:

@90sGirlProblem: My dog doesn't even sit when I tell it to and Tommy Pickles is able to ride Spike around all over his house.


We all remember that spunky little gang of diaper doters, the Rugrats...




But the more important content of this 90's Girl Problems Tweet is the inclusion of Tommy Pickles' faithful pup, Spike. Spike was miraculously able to carry the pint-size Pickles on his back (though, to be fair, chances are good that Spike has a chiropractor on speed-dial in his old age) through all of his adventures.



Many of us grew up with pets that accompanied us through our childhood. These pets have it harder than any other animal if you ask me...children have no concept that pulling a dog's ear as hard as you can or putting it in a laundry basket--tying a rope to the basket and trying to pull it up to the top bunk like Rapunzel (sorry Cookie, I think you just had a weak stomach, RIP-- sidenote: did not die from Rapunzel incident). Our childhood pets put up with a lot. The cartoon and television characters of the 90's were no different. So many of them had furry sidekicks as well. Today, I aim to pay tribute to some of these 4-legged troopers.


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"Pork Chop" from Doug



Pork Chop takes the award for "best name" of any of the 90's television shows. In fact, I am not at all sure why I have never given a dog of mine the name Pork Chop. I'm also not sure why I don't know any Pork Chop dogs out there. Children of the 90's....we have failed! Sometimes I wonder what little P-Chop is up to now. He's probably somewhere "bangin' on a trashcan, drummin' on a street light...."



"Spunky" from Rocko's Modern Life 



I'm still a little confused as to what kind of animal Rocko is himself... I'll be honest, the whole show in general was a little out of my realm of interest. But I do remember Spunky, Rocko's demented looking dog. Spunky's legs just don't make sense. I mean, just look at them. They are turned wrong-side up. I can't say that I'm terribly surprised that my modern life in 2011 resembles nothing from this television show. And I'm glad my dog is nothing like Spunky either. No offense. 


"Comet" from Full House



Look at that face. Comet was the trooper of all troopers. I loved the show Full House, but let's be honest when looking back--can you think of a show with as many obnoxious characters as Full House? Comet had to deal with Danny Tanner (Bob Saget....who knows what kind of creepy things he said to Comet followed by "The Aristocrats"), Uncle Joey and that damn woodchuck hand puppet, Michelle Tanner (cute, but c'mon...kinda annoying), DJ Tanner, Stephanie Tanner (just look at  her track record the past 10-12 years...yikes) and who can forget THE Kimmy Gibbler. I repeat, poor Comet.  

I will say that the episode in which Comet had a birthday party with a bunch of the neighborhood dogs was one of the cutest things I've ever seen...But still, Uncle Joey?...Woody? Poor, poor, poor Comet. 



"Happy" from 7th Heaven




Let's be honest, besides being the most patriotic on the show, Happy (playing himself) probably had the most acting talent of anyone on the show too. I always wondered how Happy was able to stomach the judgmental 7th Heaven parents (both of whom, despite being the two-headed monster of an extremely religious family, seemed to face more familial issues than any family I've ever known). I also always wondered how and why he deserved his own shoutout at the end of the credits. But hey, more power to ya Happy. Go America. 


"Marcel" from Friends




While obviously Marcel is not a dog like most of the other pets we have paid tribute to thus far, Marcel was a pretty bad ass little monkey. The fact that Ross had a monkey at all was pure comedy, but who can forget the episode when Marcel had to be taken to the vet because he swallowed the scrabble pieces? And apparently he swallowed an "M" "N"  and "K" ...leading Ross to speculate that he had been trying to spell Monkey. Naturally. 

Sidenote: Joey & Chandler almost got a mention here for their duck and chick combo. The Chick's name? Yasmine, as in Yasmine Bleeth from Baywatch. 


"Buck" from Married with Children



All I have to say about Buck is that he allowed his owner to pet him after hours and hours of relaxing on the couch with his hand in his pants. That's a faithful dog. 


"Smelly Cat" from Friends....


The video says it all...


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Not familiar with all of these beloved 90's pets? Like the song above says, "it's not your fault." Actually, it is. Catch up on your 90's television, or at least your 90's Girl Problem Tweets. Until next time...

**EDITOR'S NOTE: It was brought to my attention that I forgot one CRUCIAL pet from the 90s.....



Binya Binya Pollywog.....duh


Rachel Geil Goes to School: 10/25

Posted by Kristen Geil on October 25, 2011 at 10:55 AM Comments comments (0)

For those of you who aren't Twitter-savvy yet, listen up, because this is one of my favorite aspects of The Twitter thus far in our relationship. Every morning, Jay Bilas lovingly selects an inspiring rap lyric and tweets it to the world, followed by the catchphrase, "I gotta go to work." With that simple press of a touch-screen, my morning is jumpstarted and I am ready to attack the day myself; often, I too tweet an IGGTW message in hopes of having the same impact on some of my followers. In this blog feature, I thoughtfully analyze Jay Bilas's IGGTW tweet and how you, the everyday reader, can apply it to YOUR dreary mornings before work. Let's get it on.




SURPRISE!!!


Instead of hearing from Jay Bilas, today we will be analyzing the lyrics chosen by my baby sister, Rachel Geil, aka the Prodigy. Rachel has made it her personal mission to tweet inspirational lyrics before she goes to school (as a high school senior, she has yet to ever go to a real day of work in her life. I've worked since I was 15 and currently have 3 jobs. I'm not bitter). Much like Jay idolizes Young Jeezy, Rachel has chosen Kanye West as her modern day prophet. Today, I really liked her lyrics. Also, I want to switch it up before Jay Bilas gets too big of an ego (even though he has yet to acknowledge my tweets). Rachel, leggo. 



@rgeil3: Alpha, step. Omega, step. Kappa, step. Sigma, step. Gangstas walk, pimps gon' talk. Oh hecky naw that boy is raw. I gotta go to school.



From Kanye West's highly acclaimed debut album The College Dropout, the single "School Spirit" parodies Greek life as it relates to Kanye's experience dropping out of school. Let me give you some more context: Kanye received a scholarship to attend Chicago Academy of Arts for painting, and quickly transferred to Chicago State University to major in English. While taking classes, Kanye simultaneously pursued his rap career and realized that he would never be able to be truly devoted to one without giving up the other. So, at the age of 20, he risked the wrath of his mother (a professor at CSU and prominent figure in his life) and became a college dropout. Of his decision to quit school, his mother commented, "It was drummed into my head that college is the ticket to a good life... but some career goals don't require college. For Kanye to make an album called College Dropout, it was more about having the guts to embrace who you are, rather than following the path society has carved out for you."


Kanye takes an unusual stance in this song, telling his listeners that school isn't always the best path for everyone. In fact, sometimes it can get in the way of "chasin' y'all dreams and what you got planned." Sometimes, a college degree isn't even that useful, especially in this economy: "This n word graduated at the top of my class.. I went to Cheesecake, he was a motherfudging waiter there." Interesting, Rachel, that you would choose this lyrics before heading off to high school. Are you foreshadowing something here?


Let's continue under the assumption that Rachel is not, in fact, about to break my mother's heart and drop out of school. This may be a stretch, but when Kanye/Rachel reference alpha and omega, they could subtly be stating that they are the best around, from the beginning to the end. Alpha also has the connotation of leadership and power; stepping with one's alpha foot would mean being a leader for all the other hustlers in the game. 


Sigma and kappa... I got nothing there, besides some nerdy math and psychology usages.


"Gangsta's walk, pimps gon' talk. 'Oh, hecky naw, that boy is raw.'" With this statement, Rachel and Kanye illustrate some typical behaviors of those around them. A gangsta's walk is easily identified by its signature limp that results from a shootout injury or something of the sort; therefore, it implies a toughness gleaned from true-life street experience. Pimps are always going to talk about your business, but pay them no heed, as they are only trying to distract you. Having people talk about you and call you 'raw' only means you're doing great things. Kanye and Rachel seem to believe that any press is good press; Young Jeezy, by contrast, would probably advocate keeping your head down and avoiding trouble. The two conflicting viewpoints set up an interesting debate as to which is a better path to success. 


Ladies and gentlemen, Rachel Geil has gone to school.




Jay Bilas Goes To Work: 10/24

Posted by Kristen Geil on October 24, 2011 at 11:50 AM Comments comments (0)

For those of you who aren't Twitter-savvy yet, listen up, because this is one of my favorite aspects of The Twitter thus far in our relationship. Every morning, Jay Bilas lovingly selects an inspiring rap lyric and tweets it to the world, followed by the catchphrase, "I gotta go to work." With that simple press of a touch-screen, my morning is jumpstarted and I am ready to attack the day myself; often, I too tweet an IGGTW message in hopes of having the same impact on some of my followers. In this blog feature, I thoughtfully analyze Jay Bilas's IGGTW tweet and how you, the everyday reader, can apply it to YOUR dreary mornings before work. Let's get it on.




@JayBilas: Stay on your grind, gotta a low tolerance for ignorance. You're thinking pleasure, I'm thinking business. I gotta go to work.


Hey studly.


"Don't Get Caught." With that title, Young Jeezy sums up the first rule of the trapstar game. The song begins with an exchange between Jeezy and a police officer who pulls him over. That mini-drama sets the stage for the rest of the song, which tells players that they can do whatever they want, as long as they stay under the radar of the law enforcement officials: "You can do your thang shawty, it's okay to floss, but it's still one rule: player, don't get caught. Cause everything you gain, dog, and everything you lost, but it's still one rule, pimping- don't get caught" (floss means to flaunt expensive merchandise, readers). However much you want to push the limits of the game is up to you- but at any moment, it could all go up in flames


Jay's lyrics specifically advise listeners to hustle hard all day, every day. Pay no attention to the haters and the nonsense that they throw at you to try and get you off your game. Stay true to yourself and your strategies for grinding. Don't get distracted by the accoutrements of the game, such as attractive women, hard drugs, or bling- these are only temporary rewards that can disappear in an instant if you allow yourself to get sidetracked. Remember, while you're sleeping off a hangover from sippin purple sizzurp until the wee hours of the morning, someone else is on your corner, selling to your customers and rendering you a relic of the past.


In short, keep the eye of the tiger.



Ladies and gentlemen, Jay Bilas has gone to work.


Remember, if you tweet an "I gotta go to work" message in the mornings and tag Ally or me in it, we may choose it to be featured on the blog! Start inspiring us, tweeters! 


Jay Bilas Goes to Work: 10/21

Posted by Kristen Geil on October 22, 2011 at 12:50 AM Comments comments (0)

For those of you who aren't Twitter-savvy yet, listen up, because this is one of my favorite aspects of The Twitter thus far in our relationship. Every morning, Jay Bilas lovingly selects an inspiring rap lyric and tweets it to the world, followed by the catchphrase, "I gotta go to work." With that simple press of a touch-screen, my morning is jumpstarted and I am ready to attack the day myself; often, I too tweet an IGGTW message in hopes of having the same impact on some of my followers. In this blog feature, I thoughtfully analyze Jay Bilas's IGGTW tweet and how you, the everyday reader, can apply it to YOUR dreary mornings before work. Let's get it on.



@JayBilas: I pop my collar then I swing my chain. If you catch me in the club pimpin', doin' my thang. I gotta go to work.


From Young Jeezy's "Go Crazy" comes a triumphant declaration that JEEZY IS BACK. I don't know where he went, but he is back. For reasons unbeknownst to me, Jeezy had left the block, but he is happy to have returned: "I'm emotional, I love the block, I'm so emotional." Off his 2005 album: "Let's Get It: Thug Motivation 101," the chorus cries, "When they play that new Jeezy watch the dope boys go crazy," suggesting that Jeezy has undergone some sort of reinvention which the dope boys will wholeheartedly embrace. 


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The lyric Jay Bilas chooses to tweet immediately follows the aforementioned declaration: "I pop my collar, then I swing my chain. If you catch me in the club, pimpin', doin' my thang." By posturing and performing  as a member of the hood community, Jay BECOMES an established participant in the exclusive group. In this case, acting leads to acceptance. If other trapstars see him pimpin' in the club, they will recognize him as one of their own and accept him as such.


In our own practical application of this advice, we can connect this lyric to the white-people cliche "Fake it til you make it." Or perhaps more specifically, "Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have." If you want to be a teacher, invest in a wide array of holiday-themed sweaters. If you want to be a lawyer, purchase suits that you can sensibly mix and match. If you want to be a trapstar, pop your collar and wear your chain with pride. 


Ladies and gentleman, Jay Bilas has gone to work. 

Jay Bilas Goes To Work: New Feature!

Posted by Kristen Geil on October 21, 2011 at 12:05 AM Comments comments (1)

Unless you're a Kardashian, work is as inevitable as death and taxes. And even if you genuinely like (even love) your job, the physical task of getting up and GOING to work is the most miserable part of the day.



"How," we ask ourselves on a daily basis, "can I motivate myself to get out of bed rather than coccoon under the covers and hide from the day?"


Enter Jay Bilas. 



As many of you are aware, Jay Bilas is a former Duke basketball player and current basketball analyst for ESPN and CBS sports. Lesser know facts about him are that he's still a practicing lawyer, he's a member of the Screen Actor's Guild, and Ally Tucker has a huge crush on him. 



He lifts her up...


Oh, and also... he's a secret thug.




What am I referring to? Why, his Twitter account, of course. Jay Bilas is an unapologetic Young Jeezy fan and staunch believer of "Real recognize real, I suppose" (At this point in the blog, I want to make some joke about a white guy from Duke finding common ground with Young Jeezy, but I'm at a loss). What's more, he has invented (at least, to my knowledge- feel free to correct me) the "I Gotta Go To Work" genre of tweets.





For those of you who aren't Twitter-savvy yet, listen up, because this is one of my favorite aspects of The Twitter thus far in our relationship. Every morning, Jay Bilas lovingly selects an inspiring rap lyric and tweets it to the world, followed by the catchphrase, "I gotta go to work." With that simple press of a touch-screen, my morning is jumpstarted and I am ready to attack the day myself; often, I too tweet an IGGTW message in hopes of having the same impact on some of my followers.


However, I understand that some people may not quite have the savvy to understand the hip slang that Bilas incorporates into his tweets (hey Mom!). Urban Dictionary just doesn't get the job done sometimes. You may remember that I have somewhat of an academic background in Hip Hop 101 (the hardest 9-5 you'll ever have- who knows that song?)


Exhibit A: http://www.freewebs.com/tuckerstales/apps/blog/show/5777790-tupac-lives.


What's more, I have an actual academic background in rhetorical analysis, or decoding the meaning of different texts. So I propose a new blog feature: an analysis of Jay Bilas's IGGTW tweet and how you, the everyday reader, can apply it to YOUR dreary mornings before work. Let's get it on.






Thursday, October 20, 2011


@JayBilas: Men do what they want; boys do what they can. And it ain't no secret, I'm a grown...man. I gotta go to work.


Here, Jay is quoting the Young Jeezy anthem "Lets Get It." In this song, Jeezy raps about his aspirations of wealth and his limitless ambition. The chorus reminds listeners that the world is theirs and implores them to "get on your grind and get it, ay." He cautions his audience to be wary of haters, and to remain grinding despite the rollercoaster nature of the game. 



The lyrics Jay specifically tweets refer to the hood distinction between boys and men. No, not Boyz 2 Men.



Too prep to be trapstars.


Boys, Jay and Jeezy assert, do what they can to get by in the game. Men, on the other hand, have made it and are at the top of the hustle pyramid. Jeezy, and Jay through him, firmly lets us know that he is a "grown ass man" (Jay watered it down for his followers). Therefore, we may conclude that Jeezy and Jay have reached points in their lives where they can take a break from the game and relax, knowing that they have made it. Do they still have to work? Perhaps, but we can infer that each works more to maintain his status rather than to attain more fame and fortune, of which they both have plenty.




That's it for today, folks. Feel free to join in with your own "I Gotta Go To Work" tweets- if you include either Ally or me in them (@tuckally or @kristenmgeil), we may pull them for analysis on the blog! And then you'd pretty much be famous...




Fake Twitter > Real Twitter

Posted by Ally Tucker on July 26, 2011 at 9:35 AM Comments comments (1)


Some of you might have read my blog post outlining the process of getting a Twitter account, learning how to use Twitter, liking Twitter a lot, and then falling head over heels in love with Twitter. If you haven't read that blog post yet, shame on you. Luckily we have archives. Anyway, those of you who know me, know that I have made the transformation into a "full-blown Twitter lover." Facebook Shmacebook. Twitter is where it's at.

One of the things I discussed in my last piece on Twitter was that some of the "fake accounts" were the best gems in the Tworld (If you couldn't figure out that stood for Twitter-World, you might not be ready for Twitter yet....stick with your MySpace). Some of my favorite fake Twitter accounts belong to @oldmansearch and @Lord_Voldemort7.  In the days following the Women's World Cup though, I came across a whole new batch of fakes.....




What if Megan Rapinoe's hair had a Twitter account? Oh wait, it does. 

@RapinoesHair




What if Alex Morgan's Pink Headband had a Twitter account?  Oh wait, it does. And it's HILARIOUS:



@AMsPinkHeadBand shared this Twitpic moment of genius when she said something to the effect of, "Just taking an ice bath after our game tonight...." and then proceeded to send out the above picture. #genius.


A few other fake Twitter accounts based on US Women's National Team players started popping
up. They are kind of hit or miss. Some are constantly hilarious. Some over-do it a bit. Some just seem desperate to get a "RT" (Re-Tweet, I'll get to that more later) from whichever US National Team player they are based on. Some even fight with one another (too many cooks in the kitchen type of thing).



A few nights ago as I was watching Big Brother (best show ever), a random thought crossed my mind. I chuckled to myself and then moved on with my evening. The next day when I logged on to my real Twitter account, I was reminded of the random thought I had. I chuckled once again and then decided to send my random thought in a Tweet to the fake account for Megan Rapinoe's Hair (this account for her hair has a couple thousand more followers than my real account anyway). So not expecting much, I went for it and tweeted the hair....

"Someone should make an account for @PiasBra and just tweet WHERE AM I? all day everyday"



You can't really tell from this picture, but I assure you that Pia Sundhage (Head coach of the US Women's National Soccer Team) was not wearing a bra on this day. I noticed it myself first and the notion was confirmed by many other soccer fan friends. #ShortHairDontCare #NoBraDoesSheEvenNotice?

So anyway, a few hours later I noticed that the fake hair account for Megan Rapinoe thought that my tweet was pretty funny. She even Re-Tweeted (That means she re-sent my original tweet out for all of her followers to see) me. I knew she thought it was pretty funny when she responded to me using that "I'm going to put a period in between each word for effect" method. "OMG. This. Is. So. Funny."


Thinking it might be kind of funny, and with a few more little Pia's Bra zings in mind, I decided to actually create this fake Twitter account for Pia's Bra. I could come up with a few more funny tweets pretending to come from the perspective of Pia's Bra. Why not? So I did.

@PiasBra   was born a few days ago




I realized that basically my humor would be doing nothing more than amusing myself. I only had like 6 followers the first few days. That didn't stop me from sending out little Pia's Bra thoughts into the world such as....

"Where the hell am I?"

"in absentia"

"M.I.A."

"Maybe I'm wherever Amy Winehouse is."

"I just wanna be supportive..."

"Pia's got 99 problems but her bra ain't one."


I realized that the chances of anyone random other than my friends discovering my little fake account were pretty slim. Expecting nothing, considering she has over 50,000 followers, I decided to tweet the REAL Megan Rapinoe (@mpinoe) from my Pia's Bra account. I decided to ask her the following question:

"Any leads on my whereabouts?"


I closed Twitter for a couple of hours and then noticed a while later on my phone that I had like 50+ new followers. I'm not unrealistic. I realize that I have like a total of 100 followers period on my real Twitter account. I'm not that popular. I was immediately confused. 

Then I discovered what I can only describe as one of the proudest moments of my life.....

I got Re-Tweeted by a celebrity. A real celebrity. A verified Twitter account. A real celebrity with 50,000+ followers who have now ALL read my little Tweet.

Megan Rapinoe Re-Tweeted my question to all of her followers. Suddenly this little fake Twitter account was being seen by plenty of people. Within 2 hours I had over 100 followers. Megan Rapinoe and Alicia Ferguson (former Australian World Cup star/2011 ESPN World Cup announcer) were having a conversation back and forth for all of the Twitter World to see about Pia's Bra. 


One of my Life Goals: achieved



Needless to say, the pressure is on now. I have quite a few followers on my little fake Pia's Bra Twitter account. They are expecting me to produce. I have enlisted the help of fellow blogger Kristen Geil. She will be contributing some of the Tweets produced from the @PiasBra account. 

Moral of the story for me in the last 24 hours? Well, a few things:

1)  Fake Twitter accounts are still the best

2)   I have more followers on a fake account than my real one....I'm not sure what to make of this, but I think it probably makes me a bit of a loser. I'm okay with it though. I got Re-Tweeted by a celebrity. 

3)    Sometimes maybe not wearing a bra can lead to good things. 


Follow Me

Posted by Ally Tucker on May 20, 2011 at 11:25 AM Comments comments (2)

A few weeks ago, fellow blogger Kristen Geil used our Late Night Confession to U(r)sher format to confess that she was a full-blown Twitter bandwagoner.  I am going to go in a little bit different of a direction here to plead my case for why everyone else should jump on the bandwagon as well. 

As many of you all are probably aware of by now, if you've been reading the blog fairly regularly, many of us writers here on the blog have fallen for Twitter.......and we've fallen hard. Let me diagram my relationship with Twitter real quick.

Step 1: I didn't have one at all. When it first came out, I thought it was just plain stupid. Who needed a glorified Facebook status? No thanks.

Step 2: Oh.....John Wall has Twitter? Coach Cal has Twitter? Sometimes people announce important information via Twitter? Okay, okay, okay. I'll get one. I certainly don't plan on ever "Tweeting" myself. I'll just creep around and follow a bunch of people.

Step 3: Hey, I kinda like you Twitter. Instead of only remembering I have you every few weeks-- I'm going to check you every day. 

Step 4: Dang Twitter... I can't stop thinking about you when I'm bored at work or when I have some free time. 

Step 5: I full out like you Twitter. Yes, I said it. And now I want to share my feelings with you from time to time. Hello Twitter world! I'm here and I have something to say....

Step 6: Not only do I like you, but now my friends like you. That's always a huge plus in a relationship. If you can't get along with my friends....you can't stick around. Twitter is so much fun now because not only can I share my thoughts and follow my favorite celebs...but I can interact with my friends too. 

Step 7: I think I love you. Okay, I love you. I am not necessarily "IN LOVE" with you yet, but my feelings are deep. I've found out all of the best things about you and who to follow to keep my interest level at an all time high. I've started to think things out in 140 characters......things are getting serious.

Step 8: I'm IN LOVE  with you Twitter. Hook, line and sinker. Why? Because I have not only discovered and learned all of the BIG things about you....but now I know all of your little oddities and they make me love you that much more. What kind of oddities do I speak of? I'm talking about people who have designed Fake Twitter accounts and Tweet from them as if they are that person or thing. I'll get into more specific examples later....but these are now my favorite Twitter accounts to follow. I'm over John Wall, Coach Cal and Kim Kardashian... (just kidding Coach Cal, I saw you last night at Orange Leaf and although I was entirely too much of a goober and nervous to ask for a picture-- I did wave and say "Hey Coach" at you as if you were my lifelong coach. Thanks for waving and smiling back...)




So now that I have unabashedly confessed my deep, "Notebook-like" love for Twitter, I want to give you all some tips on who to follow (if you don't already) in order to experience Twitter in the same way that I do. Some of you all already have a Twitter and use it often. Others are still in the "creepin' around" phase where you follow 8393 people and have 0 followers and 0 tweets. That's cool....take your time. Others of you have not given in to the Twitter craze yet (coughToniCannoncough) and desperately need to. All of you non-Tweeter heads talk so much trash about it and say "I just don't get it." Of course you don't! You haven't tried it yet. So here's your Twitter starter kit...

MUST FOLLOW LIST:

@OldManSearch

-Kristen Geil recently discovered this true Twitter gem. She told me about it and I have never been so grateful for a gift she has given me in my life (either it was that great of a gift, or Kristen--you need to shower me with more gifts....your call). Anyway, @Oldmansearch is one of those new Twitter accounts that have made me truly fall in love with Twitter. What exactly is this account you might be thinking? Let me share with you the Twitter bio which explains it perfectly:

My dad is 81 years old. I'm teaching him how to use the internet. I told him Twitter was how to search things on Google. These tweets are what he's searching.

(In a nutshell, the following Tweets show you exactly what an 81 year old man might use Google to search for on the internet. The searches are priceless)

In order from oldest to newest:

oldmansearch: weather

oldmansearch: face book on Shirley Tarnow la porte high school class of 1948

oldmansearch: waist and ankle tension

oldmansearch: erase or forget a memory

oldmansearch: soft food and soft snacks

oldmansearch: lipiter

oldmansearch: lipitour

oldmansearch: LIPITOR

oldmansearch: Is Shirley Tarnow a widow?

oldmansearch: hello

oldmansearch: night blindness

oldmansearch: i'm night blind.

oldmansearch: diane sawyer swimsuit pictures

oldmansearch: mine kamf

oldmansearch: hats

oldmansearch: how do you pronounce juan

oldmansearch: cold toes

oldmansearch: what does e mail cost

oldmansearch: Shirley Tarnow-Schmidt obituary

So needless to say, this is the most precious Twitter account of all time. Sometimes it makes you want to laugh, sometimes it makes you want to cry (like when you follow his slow transformation from searching for Shirley to realizing she is dead.....) Either way, it's a must-follow.


@meganamram

- I actually have no idea who this person is. I found this account because fellow blogger Brandon Daulton re-tweeted her stuff from time to time. I am going to assume she is a comedian maybe. Regardless, sometimes her Tweets leave me LOL-ing.

meganamram: I heart NY, but I'm not IN heart with NY.

meganamram: Just once I want to see a highway raised by its loving biological parents

meganamram: When do I stop looking for Easter Eggs

meganamram: My dog's favorite store is Forever 3

meganamram: I hate always being picked last for the Human Centipede : (

meganamram: I never run with scissors, or without

meganamram: Kids these days think sexts are so hip, but I've been fsaxing since the 70s

meganamram: I can't decide if I'm Team Edward or a Crip.

meganamram: Like the song says, "to kids from 1 to 92...Merry Christmas to you." To kids 93+ and 4 months: God is dead, also you were adopted.


@HallyeGriffin or @LaysonBelle

-Really, if you follow these two, you will just receive a lot of random tweets with pictures of their blind/obese animals. If that's your thing--follow them. Hallye is also good for a few "TWEET" tweets or "Twitter Glitter" tweets from time to time.


@MikeyADHD

- This particular Twitter account is pretty "hit or miss." When I first started following Mikey, I usually found myself laughing at his Tweets. Mikey is a fake account for a 7 year old who has ADHD. Whoever runs this account tweets from that perspective. Lately, I haven't been laughing as much. Give it a try though, because the ones that are funny--are really funny. 

MikeyADHD: I WOULD NEVER HURT AN ANIMAL OR ANOTHER

HUMAN BEING, EXCEPT MAYBE MY COUSIN RICKY. HE'S MY AGE AND HAS A MUSTACHE. THAT KID CREEPS ME OUT. 

MikeyADHD: DETENTION ISN'T FUN ANYMORE NOW THAT MY TEACHER JUST GOES IN THE HALL & STARTS CRYING AS SOON AS I TAKE OFF MY CLOTHES & START BITING PEOPLE


@JayBilas

- I think I confessed my huge crush on Jay Bilas around March Madness time this year. He absolutely took the Twitter world (or Tworld....) by storm when he started Tweeting about fellow commentators, basketball, his playing days, etc. Jay Bilas is not slapstick funny at all. He is subtly clever as hell. Why do people say something is "_____ as hell?" I've never understood that, but I do it too. Anyway, Jay has been a little quiet lately on the Twitter front in the offseason, but please trust me that when basketball season rolls around again--he is Twitter gold (or....Gwitter? or as @HallyeGriffin says...Twitter Glitter?)


@Lord_Voldemort7

-Another Kristen Geil find. I had to include this list on the account or she would kill me. Volde is a bit of a Debbie Downer on Twitter, constantly jabbing at people. But it's funny. I will admit. Volde particularly likes to check out the latest "trending topics," aka what people are saying the most, and hashtag it (#likeso). If you don't know what the hashtag is on Twitter, scroll back up and read Kristen's article, or read Brandon's latest piece about the art of the hashtag.

Lord_Voldemort7: #iwannaslap anyone who says "wanna." Want to, not "wanna." It's one more letter you lazy idiots.

Lord_Voldemort7: #itshardwhen you've been petrified. 

Lord_Voldemort7: The Word association game doesn't work with my name. As soon as someone says "Voldemort" they die....

Lord_Voldemort7: Ways to annoy a Twilight fan: watch the movie and say "I see dead people" every time a vampire is on screen. 



@WhiteGrlProblem

- Another "fake account" that tweets from the perspective of, what I would call your "average annoying white girl." Again, with most fake accounts--the tweets are hit or miss. But again, the ones that are funny really catch you by surprise and make you chuckle as you creepily stare at your phone....


WhiteGrlProblem: I feel like I could really, um, be an actress? #whitegrlproblems

WhiteGrlProblem: How many therapists will it take for me to get my childhood back?  #whitegrlproblems

WhiteGrlProblem: I'm having one of those days where I keep needing to remind myself that even Gwenyth shits. #whitegrlproblems

WhiteGrlProblem: Where the F*ck is my phone??????!!!! Just kidding it's in my purse #whitegrlproblems

WhiteGrlProblem: I've just like, been thinking about Heath Ledger a lot this morning #whitegrlproblems


WhiteGrlProblem: Still coming to terms with the last 20 minutes of Country Strong #whitegrlproblems



And now....I leave you with my honorable mention list

@PGeil1118 (Kristen Geil outlines why you should follow her Mom, I think, in her blog entry...so check it out if you need more reason than the fact that it's Kristen's Mom and she's awesome)


@BigJorts55 It's Jorts. C'mon. 


@reallypissmeoff Hit or miss


@KYBloodCenter I got you, Lauren! (One of my friends Tweets for them)


@ihateKatStacks I had no idea who this chick was until Twitter. She's explicit and literally crazy, but  sometimes entertaining. Google her if you don't know who she is....yikes


@DrewFranklinKSR If you are going to follow anyone from KSR, follow Drew Franklin. He's the funny one.


@MJP18 She's the MVP, duh.


@wayneturner76 If you want to see how to mis-use a #hashtag, check out Wayne Turner's Twitter.


@TeamLegion1 Remember the UK b-ball player who stuck around for a month named Alex Legion? Then he transferred to Illinois, then to Florida International? Then he got kicked off that team? Random, but this guy is so entertaining to follow on Twitter. He just calls out guys & girls at his school (FIU) and is just stone cold heartless. It's funny to see what life is like on the other side sometimes....


@TomCrean Follow IU's coach if you like your Tweets in paragraph format. #mostboringaward


@UKCoachCalipari You gotta follow Coach Cal. Although I will admit, it's kinda overrated. You will find out a lot of information about Papa Johns' 3-point special though.