Try Everything Once

I used to have a long, long plot summary on this page, but that turned out to be even harder to read (and to update!) than the actual comic itself. Instead I give you a summary of the former plot summary, as well as the main characters of TEO, so that new readers can jump right into Try Everything Once's story without having to wade through tons of dreary text first.

AN EXTREMELY CONCISE SUMMARY OF TEO 1: There's this guy, Walt. He gets together with an alien (Lloyd) and a girl (Dexy). They form a rock band (the Flaming Croutons) and travel across the universe in Dexy's beat-up spaceship (the Midnight Run), getting into all manner of wacky yet ultimately somewhat depressing misadventures on the way. And that's it.

A SLIGHTLY LESS CONCISE BUT STILL PRETTY BRIEF SUMMARY OF TEO 2: Walt, Lloyd and Dexy fall get seperated from each other and fall into three different universes (hackneyed idea, yeah, but roll with me here). Walt falls into a vaguely fantasy-type medieval setting, with princesses and elves and crap like that, and, after befriending a keyboardist named Alistair, seeks to incite a revolution amongst the peasants against their elven oppressors. Dexy falls into an alternate version of the 18th century American West, where Aztecs rule and nobody's even heard of a horse; after her rescuer 13 Eztli (Death's Head) is brutally slaughtered, she goes on a mission of revenge against the organization that ordered his death. Lloyd falls into a picturesque '50s sitcom-style American suburb, where, coincidentally, another "alien" (Betty; not really an alien) lands not long after he does-- but after a man supposedly dies at Lloyd's hands, things are revealed to be more bizarre and sinister than previously expected. To be perfectly honest, however, you're far better off actually reading the actual comic than you are looking at this pathetic little spit of a summary.

WHO ARE THE FLAMING CROUTONS?

Walter Jimenez (guitar, lead vocals) is a young male twentysomething from Denver, Colorado. He is almost astoundingly average-- no interesting personality quirks, no hidden latent powers, no real higher goals in life-- but he's a good kid who, on occasion, is willing to stand up for his beliefs (though not necessarily always). He is somewhat naive to the rigors of intergalactic space travel. His favorite color is red, because "it's a really fast color. If it could make a noise, it would sound like, 'vroooom!'"

Lloyd Smith(?) (bass, backup vocals) is somewhat secretive; he doesn't like to say anything unless he has something to say, which is a rare trait these days. He is, by biological classification, an "audiosynthesete": he converts sound, air, and water into simple sugars for nourishment (saving the band a lot of money on food supplies). Because his body's attunement to sound, he used to work as a stealth consultant for various illegal enterprises, and helped pull off a number of successful heists (usually without the target even noticing). He once knew how to juggle, too, but has since forgotten.

Dextrose "Dexy" Vanguard (drums, backup and occasional lead vocals) is the daughter of deep-space transportation magnate Ambrose Vanguard (see below) and the middle child of five (the others being brothers Malthose and Glucose and sisters Fructose and Sucrose). Unlike her siblings, Dextrose stayed with the family company and became a sort of in-house mercenary, removing corporate obstructions and problems with diplomacy or with force (usually with force). She's a bit jaded by what she's been through in life, but deep down, she's as nice as anyone else, apart from the fact that she has no problem whatsoever with killing people. When she was a little girl, she ate a live nightcrawler on a dare.

EVERYONE ELSE: (in order of appearance)

Ambrose Vanguard is the pioneer of deep-space travel. No doubt you've heard of him. (Or you will, eventually.) In his younger years, he discovered a "nexus", or a point out in space that is actually in two places at once. Ambrose soon found that nexii were practically everywhere, and that he could harness them for use as toll roads from one part of the universe to another. Soon a corporate empire-- Allied Vectors-- sprang up around him. Now, Ambrose is losing his edge to younger competitors (and one very devious older one-- see Dr. Bellanova, below), and he's beginning to think that he's too old to stay in the business. He can speak fluent Arabic.

Gregory Thornton and Melvin Whirlypants are head research scientists for Allied Vectors. After an unfortunate accident with a "funny ray" a while back, Thornton was hit by a near-fatal blast of negative humor energy, causing him to be an incredibly depressing straight man in perpetuity to anyone around him (which explains the strange humor-driven behavior of his partner, Whirlypants, when in his vicinity). Both try to supply Dexy with any hardware she needs to complete her assignments, though she has a notoriously low rate of returning gear in one piece. Whirlypants' favorite flavor of ice cream is Double Fudge Ripple; Thornton's is Butter Pecan.

Dr. Amadeus Bellanova used to be, quite possibly, science's brightest young star, winning world acclaims for his genius papers on quantum mechanics and reverse ontological theory. At the age of twenty-nine he disappeared, only to return some thirty years later at the Galactic Trade Commission headquarters in Manson, Iowa (claiming he had built a machine that would use transit between multiple universes to eliminate the need for all deep space transportation and shipping companies). In his front right pocket, he always carries the medal he won in the County-Wide Science Fair in 6th grade, his first award ever. He doesn't like to pretend that luck exists, of course, but he couldn't tell you why he still carries that medal around.
The Purple Guys are a complex race of alien life forms whom the Flaming Croutons encountered after Dexy's ship, the Midnight Run, crash landed on their planet. Their civilization started at about the same time that a Fisher Price Spin 'N' Say fell off of a passing cargo ship and onto their planet; when the Purple Guys found it, they began worshipping it as unto a god. When Walt defeated the Spin 'N' Say in the dreaded "Equal-Opportunity Dispute Settlement", the Purple Guys started worshipping him instead, but soon Walt was whisked away by none other than Eddy Lytenyng (see below). Coincidentally, one of the Purple Guys' most popular hymns, "The Rotating Arrow Points The Way To True Righteousness", if listened to without an embedded aural translator chip (a mandatory device in the future), sounds exactly like Color Me Badd's hit "I Wanna Sex You Up".

Eddy Lytenyng used to go to high school with Walt, where both discovered their musical prowess. Since then Eddy has gone on to become the lead singer for Lytenyng and the Shock, one of the universe's most popular rock bands, with two multi-platinum albums, eleven Grammys, and enough devoted fans to populate a fair-sized continent. Off-stage, he is, to use Lloyd's words, "an enormous self-obsessed egotistical prick". He had an extremely short romantic affair with Dexy that amounted to nothing, and he actually sang with the Flaming Croutons at the 28th Annual Pan-Cosmic Battle of the Bands (though this was a direct result of his band leaving him-- along with the source of his inspiration, the near-mythical Glittar). He has a tiny third nipple under his left arm which he has nicknamed "Jamaal".

Andrew McConaughey is the proprietor of the Candyheels Lounge, a popular dance club on the planet of Scromulex 7. Scromulex 7 is known and feared throughout the galaxy as one of the few places left in the universe where disco music never managed to die out. Andrew doesn't know what the fuss is all about on other planets; to him, disco is the only type of music worth listening to. So when a band called the Flaming Croutons played this loud and jarring stuff called... called "rocky roll" or something at his club, Andrew didn't like it immediately. Later, the Candyheels was burned down... a direct result, he believes, as a direct result of the Croutons' music. Later he rebuilt the Candyheels, and, due to his percieved "can-do attitude" persona, managed to get elected as a senator.

Marjorie Williams is owner of Marjorie's Place, a hole-in-the-wall joint where the Croutons played after they were kicked out of the Candyheels. The Croutons-- and Marjorie's establishment-- got extremely popular for a while with the younger, more rebellious generation on Scromulex 7, but after the Croutons left, things died down a bit. Marjorie tried to sign other rock bands to play at her Place, but a new law enacted by the Scromulex 7 General Assembly barred any rock 'n' roll acts from playing anywhere on the planet. Marjorie is currently trying to get around this law by any means necessary. She doesn't like the way chalk dust feels on her fingers.

Walter(?) Olivier, Sucrose Vanguard, and Adam Mimmada were all living on Scromulex 7 when they were first brought together by a love of the Flaming Croutons. Walter (formerly Darren) changed his name to Walter, just to be more like the Croutons' frontman. Adam lived in an apartment three doors down from Darren-now-Walter's, and the two instantly bonded after they discovered that both frequented Marjorie's Place whenever the Croutons were playing. Sucrose knew Adam as a cousin of her childhood best friend, and when now-Walter discovered that she was the younger sister of the Croutons' drummer, he couldn't believe his luck. The three became the unofficial heads of the Scromulex 7 Flaming Croutons Fan Club And Militia. It is believed they may be linked to the Candyheels arson incident in some way, but no hard evidence has been found by the authorities.

James Marshall Hendrix and Issac Newton are the radio co-hosts of "Jamie & Izzy", a popular radio show aired weekdays on wavepoint 106.8 WQXZ (a Sub-Atomic Wavepoint Signals deep-space radio station that promotes itself as "Rock Central"). "Jamie" was cloned from one of Jimi Henrdix's chest hairs; however, complications in the cloning process made it impossible for him to actually play guitar. "Izzy" invented most of physics and all of calculus back in the 1700s, and was exhumed and revitalized (a now-banned process that revives dead people as floating heads inside mobile "spider-jars") for the good of the scientific community. Unfortunately, Izzy was kind of crazy when he came back to life (as are many of the revitalized), but that doesn't make him any less entertaining as WQXZ's "Shock Jock". Neither have ever been to Oregon.

	Walter Jimenez (guitar, lead vocals) is a young male twentysomething from Denver, Colorado. He is almost astoundingly average-- no interesting personality quirks, no hidden latent powers, no real higher goals in life-- but he's a good kid who, on occasion, is willing to stand up for his beliefs (though not necessarily always). He is somewhat naive to the rigors of intergalactic space travel. His favorite color is red, because "it's a really fast color. If it could make a noise, it would sound like, 'vroooom!'"
	Lloyd Smith(?) (bass, backup vocals) is somewhat secretive; he doesn't like to say anything unless he has something to say, which is a rare trait these days. He is, by biological classification, an "audiosynthesete": he converts sound, air, and water into simple sugars for nourishment (saving the band a lot of money on food supplies). Because his body's attunement to sound, he used to work as a stealth consultant for various illegal enterprises, and helped pull off a number of successful heists (usually without the target even noticing). He once knew how to juggle, too, but has since forgotten.
	Dextrose "Dexy" Vanguard (drums, backup and occasional lead vocals) is the daughter of deep-space transportation magnate Ambrose Vanguard (see below) and the middle child of five (the others being brothers Malthose and Glucose and sisters Fructose and Sucrose). Unlike her siblings, Dextrose stayed with the family company and became a sort of in-house mercenary, removing corporate obstructions and problems with diplomacy or with force (usually with force). She's a bit jaded by what she's been through in life, but deep down, she's as nice as anyone else, apart from the fact that she has no problem whatsoever with killing people. When she was a little girl, she ate a live nightcrawler on a dare.

	Ambrose Vanguard is the pioneer of deep-space travel. No doubt you've heard of him. (Or you will, eventually.) In his younger years, he discovered a "nexus", or a point out in space that is actually in two places at once. Ambrose soon found that nexii were practically everywhere, and that he could harness them for use as toll roads from one part of the universe to another. Soon a corporate empire-- Allied Vectors-- sprang up around him. Now, Ambrose is losing his edge to younger competitors (and one very devious older one-- see Dr. Bellanova, below), and he's beginning to think that he's too old to stay in the business. He can speak fluent Arabic.
	Gregory Thornton and Melvin Whirlypants are head research scientists for Allied Vectors. After an unfortunate accident with a "funny ray" a while back, Thornton was hit by a near-fatal blast of negative humor energy, causing him to be an incredibly depressing straight man in perpetuity to anyone around him (which explains the strange humor-driven behavior of his partner, Whirlypants, when in his vicinity). Both try to supply Dexy with any hardware she needs to complete her assignments, though she has a notoriously low rate of returning gear in one piece. Whirlypants' favorite flavor of ice cream is Double Fudge Ripple; Thornton's is Butter Pecan.
	Dr. Amadeus Bellanova used to be, quite possibly, science's brightest young star, winning world acclaims for his genius papers on quantum mechanics and reverse ontological theory. At the age of twenty-nine he disappeared, only to return some thirty years later at the Galactic Trade Commission headquarters in Manson, Iowa (claiming he had built a machine that would use transit between multiple universes to eliminate the need for all deep space transportation and shipping companies). In his front right pocket, he always carries the medal he won in the County-Wide Science Fair in 6th grade, his first award ever. He doesn't like to pretend that luck exists, of course, but he couldn't tell you why he still carries that medal around.
	The Purple Guys are a complex race of alien life forms whom the Flaming Croutons encountered after Dexy's ship, the Midnight Run, crash landed on their planet. Their civilization started at about the same time that a Fisher Price Spin 'N' Say fell off of a passing cargo ship and onto their planet; when the Purple Guys found it, they began worshipping it as unto a god. When Walt defeated the Spin 'N' Say in the dreaded "Equal-Opportunity Dispute Settlement", the Purple Guys started worshipping him instead, but soon Walt was whisked away by none other than Eddy Lytenyng (see below). Coincidentally, one of the Purple Guys' most popular hymns, "The Rotating Arrow Points The Way To True Righteousness", if listened to without an embedded aural translator chip (a mandatory device in the future), sounds exactly like Color Me Badd's hit "I Wanna Sex You Up".
	Eddy Lytenyng used to go to high school with Walt, where both discovered their musical prowess. Since then Eddy has gone on to become the lead singer for Lytenyng and the Shock, one of the universe's most popular rock bands, with two multi-platinum albums, eleven Grammys, and enough devoted fans to populate a fair-sized continent. Off-stage, he is, to use Lloyd's words, "an enormous self-obsessed egotistical prick". He had an extremely short romantic affair with Dexy that amounted to nothing, and he actually sang with the Flaming Croutons at the 28th Annual Pan-Cosmic Battle of the Bands (though this was a direct result of his band leaving him-- along with the source of his inspiration, the near-mythical Glittar). He has a tiny third nipple under his left arm which he has nicknamed "Jamaal".
	Andrew McConaughey is the proprietor of the Candyheels Lounge, a popular dance club on the planet of Scromulex 7. Scromulex 7 is known and feared throughout the galaxy as one of the few places left in the universe where disco music never managed to die out. Andrew doesn't know what the fuss is all about on other planets; to him, disco is the only type of music worth listening to. So when a band called the Flaming Croutons played this loud and jarring stuff called... called "rocky roll" or something at his club, Andrew didn't like it immediately. Later, the Candyheels was burned down... a direct result, he believes, as a direct result of the Croutons' music. Later he rebuilt the Candyheels, and, due to his percieved "can-do attitude" persona, managed to get elected as a senator.
	Marjorie Williams is owner of Marjorie's Place, a hole-in-the-wall joint where the Croutons played after they were kicked out of the Candyheels. The Croutons-- and Marjorie's establishment-- got extremely popular for a while with the younger, more rebellious generation on Scromulex 7, but after the Croutons left, things died down a bit. Marjorie tried to sign other rock bands to play at her Place, but a new law enacted by the Scromulex 7 General Assembly barred any rock 'n' roll acts from playing anywhere on the planet. Marjorie is currently trying to get around this law by any means necessary. She doesn't like the way chalk dust feels on her fingers.
	Walter(?) Olivier, Sucrose Vanguard, and Adam Mimmada were all living on Scromulex 7 when they were first brought together by a love of the Flaming Croutons. Walter (formerly Darren) changed his name to Walter, just to be more like the Croutons' frontman. Adam lived in an apartment three doors down from Darren-now-Walter's, and the two instantly bonded after they discovered that both frequented Marjorie's Place whenever the Croutons were playing. Sucrose knew Adam as a cousin of her childhood best friend, and when now-Walter discovered that she was the younger sister of the Croutons' drummer, he couldn't believe his luck. The three became the unofficial heads of the Scromulex 7 Flaming Croutons Fan Club And Militia. It is believed they may be linked to the Candyheels arson incident in some way, but no hard evidence has been found by the authorities.
	James Marshall Hendrix and Issac Newton are the radio co-hosts of "Jamie & Izzy", a popular radio show aired weekdays on wavepoint 106.8 WQXZ (a Sub-Atomic Wavepoint Signals deep-space radio station that promotes itself as "Rock Central"). "Jamie" was cloned from one of Jimi Henrdix's chest hairs; however, complications in the cloning process made it impossible for him to actually play guitar. "Izzy" invented most of physics and all of calculus back in the 1700s, and was exhumed and revitalized (a now-banned process that revives dead people as floating heads inside mobile "spider-jars") for the good of the scientific community. Unfortunately, Izzy was kind of crazy when he came back to life (as are many of the revitalized), but that doesn't make him any less entertaining as WQXZ's "Shock Jock". Neither have ever been to Oregon.