Greedo’s amazing adventures.
Int – Tatooine - Mos Eisley Cantina – Day
Greedo, a rodian in his prime, is sitting across a table from a young, roguish young corrilian.
This is Han Solo. Greedo is pointing a blaster pistol at his face. They seem to be arguing
(Greedo speaks in an alien tongue, translated into subtitles).
Greedo: You can tell that to Jabba. He may only take your ship.
Han: Over my dead body.
Greedo: That's the idea. I've been looking forward to this for a long time.
Han: Yes, I’ll bet you have!
Greedo, being the skilled Rodian that he his, notices Solo’s hand reaching for his blaster. Greedo shoots Han dead.
Greedo: Greedo shoots first, bitch!
Greedo gets up and walks out, throwing some money to the bartender.
Greedo: Sorry ‘bout the mess, yo.
As he’s on his way out of the cantina, he hears an angry roar from behind him. It is Chewbacca, Han’s faithful Wookiee.
Greedo turns around and points his blaster at him.
Greedo: Chewie, bitch, you better not start any shit with me, or I’ll fry that fur faster than
you can say ‘Star Wars Holiday Special’.
Chewbacca backs off, and Greedo leaves the Cantina.
Ext – Tatooine - Streets of Mos Eisley - Day
Greedo walks through the crowded streets of Mos Eisley, passing many strange and wondrous creatures.
He walks past a young farm boy, and a crazy old man in a long brown robe.
Farm boy: He says it’s the best he can do. Since the XP-38 came out, they’re just not in demand.
Old man: It will be enough.
Greedo grabs the Farm Boy by the arm and turns to him.
Greedo: She’s your sister, dude. Don’t get jiggy, yo?
He lets go and walks off, leaving the Farm Boy with a bemused expression of his face.
Int – Tatooine – Docking Bay 94 - Day
Greedo walks in to the docking bay, in which is the Millennium Falcon, Han’s former ship.
Jabba The Hutt, a fat, green, slug-like creature is waiting in front of the ship (he speaks in the same alien tongue as Greedo,
and so will be subtitled).
Jabba: Greedo! Excellent! I trust you dealt with the Solo character as I asked?
Greedo: Damn straight. Though you better keep that Wookiee off my ass. Wookiee hunting season
ain’t for another season, and I’d hate to do something illegal like that.
He chuckles to himself. Jabba slithers up to him and hugs him.
Greedo: Yo! Mind the threads!
Jabba: I will take personal care of your safety. Thanks to your quick gun skills, I now have
Solo’s ship.
The docking bay door opens, and the Farm Boy, the Old Man, and two droids walk in. Greedo points his blaster at them.
Greedo: You’ve got the wrong bay, y’all.
He notices several Imperial Stormtroopers running up behind the Farm Boy and the Old Man.
Greedo: I sure as shit hope that they’re not for me.
Greedo watches as the Stormtroopers arrest the Farm Boy and Old Man, and take away their droids. The Old Man gets
dragged away, shouting.
Old Man: These aren’t the droids you’re looking for! THESE AREN’T THE DROIDS YOU’RE LOOKING FOR!!
The door closes behind them, and Greedo looks back to Jabba.
Greedo: Bitchin’, yo.
Jabba: Well, that was interesting. Anyway, I have a job for you, Mr.Greedo.
Greedo: Sweet as! I need some green to make the scene, yo?
Jabba: It’s a two-person job, so I’ll ask you to go with another of my associates, Boba Fett.
Boba Fett, a man in a strange set of armour, appears from behind Jabba.
He is adorned in all manner of trophies: a Wookiee pelt, and numerous battle scars.
Greedo can’t see his face, as it is covered by a menacing helmet.
Greedo: Bling get up, yo.
Boba Fett nods.
Jabba: He, er, doesn’t talk much. Anyway, onto the job. There’s this gentleman over on Nar
Shaddar, Lando he’s called, who seems to have forgotten about a business deal between us.
I want you two to go over there and ‘remind’ him. I’ll pay you, oh, say… 15,000 credits?
Greedo: Sounds like a fucking sweet deal, J-Man. Count me in! But, er, I totally don’t have a
ship at the moment. Y’see, last night I got really drunk and there was this Jawa girl…
Jabba: You can both go in Boba’s ship. It’s parked in bay 76.
Greedo: Fuckin’ ‘ay!
INT – Slave 1 – Cockpit - Night
Boba and Greedo are sitting next to each other en route to Nar Shaddar. Greedo looks very bored, and so turns on the
hyperspace radio. ‘Jedi Rocks’, played by The Max Rebo Band is playing. Boba quickly turns it off and looks to Greedo.
Boba: You don’t listen to that shit, y’hear? Lapti Nek was always better than Jedi Rocks,
SO DON’T FUCKING PLAY IT.
Greedo: Yo, bitch, calm down. I was just lookin’ for some fly tune, word?
Boba: I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I just have a few emotional problems. My father, you see,
was killed when I was very young, by a Jedi name Mac…
Greedo: Yo, chill dude. I can dig it. I’m getting some shut-eye now, yo? You jus’ wake me up
when we get to Nar Shaddar. And chill, bro. Jus’ chill.
Boba: Yes, yes, okay. Sure. Chill.
INT – Nar Shaddar – Apartment Block Hall – Morning
Boba and Greedo are standing in front of a door; it has one singular button on it. Greedo presses it.
Greedo: He’d better be in, I’m a hungry motherfucker.
Boba remains silent.
An elderly man opens the door; he’s bald, with a cybernetic device attached to the back of his head. This is Lobot.
Greedo: Are you a “Lando C”?
Lobot gestures to the other wise of the room, where Lando Calrissian is sitting. He’s young,
black, with a confident grin on his face.
Lando: I trust you people are associates of Mr. Hutt, correct.
Boba and Greedo move into the room, Boba looking slightly agitated for some reason.
Greedo: Yea, we are. And he’s pissed, boy. He wants to know why the hell you’re here and
not on Bespin. Because as far as Mr. Hutt is concerned, your ass is there mining gas for him, yo?
Boba looks even more agitated, and fiddles with his blaster on his belt.
Lando: Gentlemen, gentlemen, calm yourselves. I was just taking a little… break.
Jabba will get his gas, double in fact. Me and a few friends were just indulging in a little
‘off business entertainment’, that’s all. But don’t worry, this party’s over.
At those words, Boba raises his blaster and shoots Lando in the head, killing him.
Boba: MOTHER FUCKER! YOU KILLED MY FATHER! AAAARRGGHRGGHH!!!
Lobot swings a punch at Boba, but not before Greedo shoots him dead.
Greedo: Shit. What the fuck did you do that for?
Boba remains silent.
Greedo: Boba? BOBA? YO, BUCKET HEAD!
Greedo slaps Boba across his helmet. Boba turns and looks at him.
Boba: I’m… sorry. You see, my father, he was a Bounty Hunter too. He was killed by a Jedi call-
Greedo: -Yo, does he look like a Jedi? Does he? Where’s his laser stick thing?
Where’s his Jedi threads? This motherfucker AIN’T NO JEDI.
Boba: Yes, I know… but the Jedi was black… and he’s black… so I thought…
Greedo: Jesus. You gonna waste ever black guy we meet? Fuck.
Boba looks around sheepishly.
Boba: Well… no… I guess…
Greedo: Look, Boba, I like you ‘aight? You’re cool, you got some bling threads.
But I ain’t gonna hang ‘round with you if you gonna start shit up WHENEVER WE MEET A FUCKING
BLACK PERSON! YOUR DADDY HE DEAD, SON! POPS AIN’T COMIN’ HOME NO MORE!
Boba: Alright, alright… Jesus, no need to get all uppity…
