Take A Slap On The Backside

(with apologies to Lou Reed)

Tommy thought that he was every journo’s darling
But then the press turned on him without warning
Said that he has had an affair
Poor Tommy was left without a prayer

Said hey Tam, looks like your bluff has been called
Said hey Tam, it’s all in the - News of the World

Anvar said that she met a politician
Seemed that this guy liked to give contrition
Punish me is what he said
Anvar obliged with a glove that was red

She said hey Tam, take a slap on the backside
Said hey comrade, take a slap on the backside

Then stepped forward a woman called McGuire
The press they said there's no smoke without fire
She claimed they’d had kinky sex
The comrades told Tommy to clear his desk

They said hey Tam it’s for the good of the party
Said hey Tam you can still be an - M.S.P.

And Tommy he goes…

Ooh aah eeh ooh yeah baby
ooh aah eeh ooh ooh
Ooh aah eeh do it baby
ooh aah eeh….

Tommy said that he was a virile young man
Sowed his oats as often and as much as he can
Now Tommy's biting back the tears
Cos all this goes back 20 years

Said hey Tam, you should have watched your back man,
Said hey Tam, should have covered your tracks man

Tam he says the girl’s disturbed psychologi-cally
His comrades say it’s embarrassing politi-cally
The executive said move over son
The King is dead but the party goes on

Said Hey Tam, you should have stuck with the sunbed
Said Hey Tam, instead of tanning your arse - ‘til it was red

And he went…

Ooh aah eeh ooh yeah baby
ooh aah eeh ooh ooh
Ooh aah eeh, the red one baby
ooh aah eeh….

(Repeat until you’re a Red Raw Scottish Socialist)