If I die today

If I died today would anyone attend my funeral ? Would anyone really care if I died ? If I die tomorrow would anyone weep in sorrow ? The people I know, would they cry over me or would they simply forget I was even here ? They say roses are red. They say dreams come true. Tell me why they never come through for me. Why do roses turn black at the slightest touch of my hand ? People tell me I'm traveling the wrong path that I'm lost and confused that I should listen to the ones who knew best for me. If I died today would it rain or would it shine ? Would people care that I'm gone ?  Would there be someone who longed to hear my voice ? If I die tomorrow would anyone shed a tear over me ? Would anyones heart suffer in grief or would there just be an endless sigh of relief for my life that's no more ? If tomorrow never comes for me would anyone shed a bitter tear of sorrow over me ? If roses are red why are they black to me ? Sorry for your time I wasted. I aint looking for your pity. Just tell me If I died today would anybody cry for me ? If I die tomorrow would you care ? Would anybody care if I died today ? The end is always near !

~  Todd Eric Johnson 1994~

  Todd,

           You asked so many questions in your poem. I feel that you deserve these answers.

Todd, I attended your funeral. I wasn't alone either. There were so many people there that there was no way that I could have counted all of them. The funeral home was packed full, there was even people standing because there was no where left to sit. John was there. He cut off his goatee and put it in your casket that way it's forever with you.

Would anyone care ? Todd, I cared!! You meant the world to me!! When I lost you I lost a BIG part of my life which I will never get back.

Todd, I cried! I still cry!!! You haven't been forgotten and you never will be forgotten!!

Todd, it rained after you died. Chad told me that the rain meant that you made it to Heaven. It was so comforting to hear that.

Yes there is someone that longs to hear your voice ! I long to hear your voice. it's not fair that the beauty of your voice was taken away from me.

Would anyone shed a tear? I know that I have shed millions of tears for you over the years and I will continue to do so until I die.

The end is always near!  If you knew this then why didn't you say something to me ? I didn't know anything and that made your suicide such a shock to me!

I wish I could have given you these answers years ago before you committed suicide but I didn't know that these questions existed until it was to late.

I will always love you and I will never forget you!

Your only sister,

                              Nikki