Losing Eirene in childbirth is a terrible personal tragedy for me. The wee girl was so strong and tough. I expected to bury her only after a long life together, as a grey old woman, or that she would outlive me and marry again several times after Pullo had been defeated in some battle and gone to the World Hereunder....

I have buried her the way she wanted it, according to the rites of her people, her unborn son with her, in her arms. May the gods accept her with grace and grant her a quiet afterlife, for her life was stainless, whereas I have not always been such a good husband for her.

I am Titus Pullo, ex XIIIth Legion. I hereby commit my life into your hands, if you give my love peace hereafter...

Eirene is dead in the series. But in AW, Eirene, wife of Titus Pullo and mother of two sons, will live forever!!!

EIRENE SEMPER!!!

Titus

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March, 5th, MMVII: No cac about Gaia, too!

My my. I've seen lots of savage cunnies in my life, but not as badly behaving as this one! I'm talking about Gaia, the slave woman, who keeps order among the prostitutes in Vorenus' tavern on the Aventine. She hates my lovely Eirene, who is now pregnant ("preglant", heheh!) in Season 2, and she won't obey her. So Eirene comes in while Vorenus and I are talking business and starts yelling at me because of Gaia and that she should be punished. Of course, of course, no doubt, but...why me? I mean, I can't hurt a woman. They are such godlike creatures, while we men are just utter twirps. Why not have Mascius do it? Gaia is his fav slave girl. But then again, MY wife has been insulted and I should give her the whip, people thought. Oh well, fair enough then.

So, I pulled out the old whip and went down to have it done with, but this would be nastier than I thought. Gaia is a slave, but she acts like she is the mistress of the whole Aventine. Damn girl. To insult my little Eirene like that. Oh, women. Why must they always fight? Gaia says that I am a lion and I shouldn't be married to a mouse like Eirene. Hmm, what's she then, eh? An elephant? I don't care what she is. She looks like a damn pretty woman to me, but I don't like her. I want people to be friends, but she always makes enemies among the men and women of our collegium. If there is a fight between two people, she's behind it. Can't stand that. So, that strengthened me in giving her a good whipping.

But she can fight! Not only with her mouth, with her hands, feet, arms, legs and head as well. She kicked me in several very precious places, that one. I had to tie her down and beat her up, or I wouldn't be able to make anymore babies with Eirene again...argh!

And that fight turned into some kind of a shag. A hard, violent shag. Darn gods, I hate this. This woman makes you mad. I tied her down and beat and bangedd the hell out of her. It wasn't supposed to be like this. She even enjoyed it, that vile creature. Poor Eirene. I hope she doesn't find out. If she does, Gaia will pay for it. Really, Titus Pullo has never been so cross with a woman before. Next time Eirene comes in complaining about Gaia and that woman will have to fear for her life, I tell you.

All you lovely ladies out there, I apologise. Titus Pullo isn't that kind of a man. But what happens, if a woman like that fights back and even lectures you on whom to love and whom not to love? That made me snap at her.

Yup, now she is docile. But I don't trust her. Eirene is pleased enough. She even tells me to give Gaia a good whipping every month or so. Is she trying to tell me, I should "do" this every month? That can't be! But how do I tell Eirene what happened? I love her and she loves me and I don't want her to be disappointed in me or hate me. I don't want her to think that it's Gaia I want and not her. Because Eirene is the only woman I want. Hmmm, time will tell. In the meantime, do have some patience, Pullo....

Titus

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March, 3rd, MMVII: I'm back!

Hahae, what ya say, "home", eh? Gone to Rome (yup, the RL one) and now, back "home" in Rome (virtual)? Hmmmm, life can be pretty confusing sometimes, just as the political and fortune luck changing sh*te in ROME. Heheh.

Well, anyway. I went to Rome to accompany Tanaquil, who went there to meet up with a friend and do some research. Next to being with her, I spent time on me own for research as well and I met up with some comrades of the XIVth Legion. One of them had a nice sword to sell off and I wanted to be the one to buy it, so....that's one more in my collection.

Back from Rome to ROME, then. Things are getting ever more hot by each following episode and yet, the whole of Season Two is slowly drawing to an end....Heheh, I happen to know a bit of what will be coming up, but I won't spoil your expectations. Having been away, however, has made me run behind on my episode downloads. Gotta lot to catch up then. You never know how these episode editors cut you up and make you come out :D

So how have all of you been? Don't mention it, Pullo will know soon enuff, haha! Glad to be back!

Titus

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February, 6th, MMVII: Bloody Mess

I know life is rough down our ancient ways. Yet, episode XVI of "ROME" quite surpassed the usual standards of roughness in our series. It could only be topped by a historical movie directed by Mel Gibson :D

I'm glad I was up north and just found the usual after battle bloody mess. Things got really heavy in Rome, seems like. Especially the ordeal that poor dove Servilia had to endure in this episode. She took it like a man is supposed to do, though. Whot's that now? She took it likea woman! Our sexual counterparts really do have much better ways to deal with pain and they are more brave than we are, too. The only thing I find horrible is that women can hurt one another that much. How could this lovely lady Atia do this to this lovely lady Servilia?

Must be politics then. Damn politics. There's no worse disease on the face of the big blue marble than f**kin' politics, man. True, I like to fight and many fights are caused by politics, but it's not wise to let your whole life be ruled by damn political cac. There are more important things: to live, eat, drink, love (f**k and fancy) and *enjoy* the good things in life, which are mostly small things, but they are far more valuable than sh*tty politics.

Anyhoo, Titus Pullo earned his two asses for being brave and firm this episode. Managed to find Vorenus alive and keep the man in shape. Managed to find and free his children! And in what state THEY were...Slave work camps really are the most f**kin' damn place on the world next to the Underworld. You're in a slave work camp, you're practically in Hades. Vorenus immediately stopped whining about being the son of Hades, when he saw that. Even him, who has seen a lot of violence in Gaul and wherever, couldn't imagine this. I warned him: the children will never be the same after having lived and worked in a slave work camp. Never. But nevertheless. We saved them. They are free. All they need now is some love and compassion. If the V-man is not able to give it to them, Pullo and Eirene will.

I've always been a rogue, but I got a heart and I do feel. I'll make sure the kids will be safe!

Titus

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February, 3rd MMVII: No cac about the Aventine!

What's that dribble on the front of my Casa then? Coming mainly from a place called Wikipedia, seems like. Someone put it up there after I had posted a little ditty about this being the place where I live now.

Right, Eirene and I still have the place in the Subura, the villa, that's right. We don't have much time to be there these days, though. Lots of work to be done. Unfortunately, now that Caesar is dead and Marcus Antonius is keeping the City together in his firm and ugly power grip, using crime and fear, there's a lot to be done for us, veterans, villains, thieves and creeps. On the brink of self destruction, my man Lucius Vorenus, who has always been a loon (but a friend, no matter what), has been given an opportunity by Consul Antonius to redeem himself from all the evil he has done (or believes he has). So, from being a wining wuss, he has now become the Head Scum Bastard of the Aventine. What a way to go up again, eh? And who is second in command and looking after the read headed looney bastard? Yup, that's right. Titus Pullo. Me. There's a lot ahead of us, folks. Fights, foods, frontal brutal acts of villainous behaviour and...last bust not least: f**ks.

Don't miss it now!

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I swear on my mother's bones, I didn't f**k her. Alright, alright, I f**ked her! I f**ked her, like every bloke on the hill!

Pullo

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January 29th, MMVII: Ep. 15 and more

ROME is more sensational and awesome than it has ever been. It has to be. The producers, directors and script writers only had 10 episodes this season to cover the whole span of historical scam and atrocity between 44 and 33 (or 27?) BCE, so there they went causing havoc and mayhem!

Not that it's all that historically accurate, though. In fact, as some among us (including Mr. Tom Holland "Scriptor") already have stated: the "real" history is even far more awesome and exiting. Yet, the HBO people produced what you are enjoying now and I doubt if all those who dispute the historical correctness of it all will have enough reason to not *enjoy* what they into every Sunday night. If you are a diehard, you stay home and watch, or if you really can't watch it, you watch On Demand. Yay, that's a real diehard after me heart...

This diehard here watches the series by download. Yup, folks. Pullo is a pirate! Can't wait until February 6th, when the Dutch are going to air ROME 2, drowned in commercial breaks every 10 minutes, or when any other European channel is finally willing to let something through.

I am a diehard? You bet I am! Can't wait to watch and watch again all Mark Antony's lines, strong as armed concrete and the outstanding antics of the wto rebel rousers Vorenus and MEEE! Hope you'll love the "proceedings" of my marriage with Eirene and the hot "gypsy" Gaia thrown in..!

In any case: *enjoy*

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Eat yer damn porridge!

Pullo

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January 14th, MMVII: Season 2, ep.1: AWESOME!!!

In the USA, ROME Season 2, episode 1, or better call it "ROME ep. 13" is airing right NOW at HBO. That's why AW is pretty empty at a time when normally heaps of people are roaming the virtual streets of Rome!

This European member of AW has already seen this episode yesterday: HBO was so good to bring out a promo dvd of the first episode of the new series, even in shops, so I've heard. Some person was so good to upload this dvd content on the internet. It might even be on torrent as well by now. Just for the picking. And why Pullo shouldn't get his hands on it then, eh?

So I watched it. Three times. I can pullotalk about it! It's on my harddisk. Some awesome scenes there among the nobs and the plebs of Rome. Get a load of the Will of Caesar and its consequences. His funeral and a tat bit too many people (to the liking of the "liberators") screaming for him. Watch Vorenus, my brother in arms, getting completely bonkers and his more than fair share of misery and unhappiness. Watch me and Eirene in the forest..getting engaged! *Done*.....AHAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

Yup. Watch how Fulmen goes waaayyy beyond his civil boundaries with Vorenus and gets his final payment delivered by Vorenus and me!

Watch it! You will say with me: it's AWESOME!

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You don't have to say yes, I won't be angry. Well, I won't be best pleased, but I won't hit or kill you..

Pullo

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January 2nd, MMVII: Our babies are thriving!!

I should have posted this some days ago, but I was held up by various thingies. First of all, there is my work in the personal service of young Octavianus and my job of keeping the peace in the City after Saturnalia (can you imagine that?!), 'cos there are always slaves who take this change of place game during the fest too seriously!

But let's cut the cr*p and head onto the business of my being here: a report on the where and whatabouts of our little laddies Titus and Caius. Many members, especially ladies, have been begging me for a follow up report. Well, here goes:

The boys are as well as they can ever be. They already found their most important purpose in their young lives: to get hold of mommy's t*tt*es and to never let go! Up till not that long ago, Eirene's sweet little dumplings were mine alone for the taking, but now...I will have to share them with the two boys now. But they are the two sweetest competitors for her breasts that I could ever imagine! Haha!

And what's in there, in Eirene's b**bies I mean, is the best a man at that young age (and MY age!) can have....Better than wine even.

Better even than WINE? Titus Pullo's fav drink? Yup, madam. It's the BEST there is and I can know. I surely tried it out several times. It's good and healthy. It's tasty. But I can't have much of it, says Eirene, 'cos it's meant for the babies. Mmmmh, I surely wish that I could be a baby again, sometimes!:P

Eirene is well, too. Up and about, *enjoy*ing her new family life and motherhood. She loves them, cradles them, nurtures and fondles them. All those thingies a mother does. And when I come home and have my meal and then lay down on the bed beside her, while she's feeding them babies, one or the other, or both of them at the same time even, I immediately fall in love with her again....I AM in love with her, but then, I feel the same as at that moment, when I first saw her along the Via Flaminia, tied to that wagon and all dirty from being dragged along the road...

And when Titus or Caius has fallen asleep and has been put in the cradle for a good night's rest, I take his place at my sweet Eirene's breast, to kiss it, fondle it and, if she lets me, softly suckle it. She starts to giggle then and she'll softly slap my head. Ow! Mmmmmmmmh! It's GOOD to have kids! Kids are GREAT!!!

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I never knew what it's like to have parents. So it's vereeeee odd to BE one!

Pullo

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December 19th, MMVI: YAAAAAY!!!! Welcome to Titus and Gaius!

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A proud papa, me...

Pullo

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December 18th, MMVI: PAWTY TIME!!!

Yup, ladies, the heat is on! Eirene has gone into labour, so all your experience is needed now. Convey your knowledge of how to get her thru this in the best possible way and keep the men out, especially MEEE! LOL, *sigh*

Oi, AW party animals! Come over to my villa, which has been boosted up for Saturnalia! Have a party bash with the Lord Of Misrule at his villa tonight: it's HERE !!!

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The Meaning of Life? Like to kill yer enemy, take their gold and enjoy their women!

Pullo

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December 16th, MMVI: Saturnalia's Lords Of Misrule (Principes Saturnalicii)!!

Yup, another Saturnalia update, one that's more about Saturnalia itself, really. Have you checked the boards yet? Rome's Saturnalia MMVI thread? Gods, there will be a lot happening there! Saturnalia is gonna be a one week event full of AW stirring things! The site is really gonna be revved up, seems like. Seems like? Well, you can be pretty d*mn sure about it! And as if the events will be nothing (which they won't), there's gonna be TWO Lords of Misrule at this year's Saturnalia!! Yay! This site is going to be knocked upside down by Signor Grande and meself! Be aware, members, Scribes and Divine Critturs: SG and Pullo are gonna take over and RULE like no one did before! Heraklia, you just serve ALL the wine you can possibly get together in that famous wine cellar of yours! Cornellia, your chainsaw thingy is MINE! Jojo, start working (or at least doing SOMETHING) for a change and Julilla, get off that motorcycle of yours and decorate my bed!!! Heheheh! I won't even mention what SG might want from you...LOL. Hmmm, there are Scribes as well, eh? Maria will be my legal person I will need after Saturnalia to cover all my mishaps I may get accused of after the fest, cos I'll prolly get REALLY drunk to the point of doing things I won't be able to account for. Eirene is going to have our babies, which will be a sure cause for me to spin off partying next to the usual Saturnalia frenzy. Livia, these piccies of you rule! So I'm gonna RULE your piccie abilities and have you make all kinds of randy stuff for me, hehe! Decius, you seem to be a genuine tribunus militum soldier type, eh? Well, you can play Marcus Antonius for me and take over my special sexual education of Lucius Vorenus for a change...Cos I won't be having time for that during the upcoming days. But his schooling must go on, right? Hmmm, what more is there? Oh yeah: gentlemen, talk to SG. He will be very happy to command you around. Ladies, talk to me, of course! Any language will do. I lurve languages. Especially the body kind of languages, as you may very well understand. Hahae, this is gonna be big FUN, innit?

Happy Saturnalia, all!

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It's good to be the King! (source: Mel Brooks' History Of The World)

Pullo

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December 16th, MMVI: Saturnalia and Future Parenthood Updates

Eirene's State of Delivery

The time of delivery is drawing near! Eirene is in a condition divided between being awfully tired of carrying around the burden of two little ones inside her and the tension and excitement of giving birth soon. It won't be long now, folks...Nature is giving my sweet love huge feelings of longing for her kids and caution to make sure things will go well. I am kept outside of the house by the tons of women haveing been drawn near by Eirene's exceptional nature call. I roam the streets with some old comrades, Vorenus mostly. He is trying to reassure and convince me, that all will be well and that women know best what will have to happen now and that my place should not be at the side of my love right now. Well, I don't believe him, although I want to, coz I know he only means well...So we visit all the local cauponae of the Lower Aventine and the Subura, getting into a pre-ebriate state to warm up for Saturnalia. I look at nice women passing by and waving at me, but for once in my life, my mind is set to only one thing: ...my lovely and sweet young wife at home, lying in our bed and getting up now and then, anxiously waiting for the first contractions to come. Then the pandemonium will start...oh, if I only could help her get through the ordeal. I wish all this would be over...And that I could kiss Eirene and hug her and hold the newly born babies in my arms and be the happiest dad in the universe! Yay!

Read about Eirene and me getting through the whole cac here, folks! In between of all the Saturnalia hubbub, I will get to become a parent as well! The gods plan big deals for us then!!!

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Rev it up, girls! Pullo's going to be a lovable dad!

Pullo

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November 25th MMVI: Cleaning up my act

Sons of Dis! Haven't I been writing in here for a MONTH now??? (bangs head) People must think that Pullo is dead. Nope, he isn't. Just too much roaming around, you see. Titus Pullo is a wanted man. Not in crime, this time, just by so many people. Women, mostly. Yay....

Besides, in a few weeks, Eirene is going to give birth to our supposed twins. That's going to be a biggie, folks! Around Saturnalia time, too! It will be a remarkable Saturnalia fest at AW, this time!

Next to this, I been up here, but I been having fun more than writing and doing things constructive. Days should have more hours in 'em, these days. That would be more enjoyable.

Even Vorenus, who doesn't like my rants usually, has been complaining about my lack of writing in my journal. Well, if HE's complaining, I should start feeling a bit guilty, eh?

Oh yeah. I made a piccie (or rather, had it made, cos I'm a clutz at these thingies myself) that will leave my mark wherever I go. Here it is:

What ya think of that, eh? A good hand with my name on it placed on yer bottom? I bet that would feel good!

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A firm hand placed on a woman's bottom the right way usually does the trick...

Pullo

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October 19th MMVI: Award???

Eh! An award! It's getting time for presents again....As the days get shorter and the long and hot nights are getting longer (and even hotter!), people start giving eachother presents. Yup, AW is no exception. Look what I got this time. I was just away for a short two weeks (fighting with the squad, spoiling, shagging, ya know: having some fun) and getting back in here with the idea tat all of AW must just have forgotten all about Titus Pullo...What do I find? First of all, a very nice and good looking Halloween bat by Louisa Agis (the one Greek I always accept gifts from...LOL) and....this nice little thingy here!

As a thank you for all the services I have given to this site community. Heheheh, services to all the women there, I suppose! LOL. I mean, what can Pullo have done else than chasing down the lovely deer over there, drink loads of wine and mead (with Aelfwine, YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!) and have lots of unadulterated fun???

Any road, I have been considered deserving something here, seems like. You now see, what a pretty (i.e. horny) lad with a smile, a cheer, some muscle and blue marble eyes (with a puppy dog look) can do, eh? Don't need any brains at all. That's convenient, for Pullo doesn't have any. They leaked out somewhere between episode 3 and 12.....Hahaha!

Thanks anyway, dei and scribbles. Love ya!

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Shiny blue eyes, that's the key to succes, man. That's the key.

Pullo

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September 26th MMVI: Pullo and Poetry???

You read that correctly: poetry. Has Pullo gone bonkers then? No, people. Now that I own a villa, my man Octavianus told me some good advice: get a corner for some good and sound entertainment, that will even draw in some nobs! Oh, well, we don't have to be serious all the time, though. Good, solid poetry can live next to our happy and careless plebby randy rants in my villa, you know! Everything is free and anything goes! Well, to some extent in AW, that is. We can't use f**k words there. I, or rather you, will have to cover them up a bit with stars, so that people won't immediately see that they are f**k words. LOL! The bottom line is: they will! Hahae! No matter, it's just a way to keep my nose clean in there. You know, kiddies are watching the show as well there. There's no age key, so the management puts one in there: smut police! Yikes. Oh well, it's a nice place, which I tend to call home, so that's the thing I gotta do then.

So, if you happen to frequent AW and you have or know some good poetry, share it then. Make Pullo happy. Eirene loves poetry off late (I think that's because of her ongoing pregnancy; being preggy does that to women, seems like) and what makes Eirene happy, makes Pullo happy. That's easy, then. Oh well, I've always been an easy going bloke.

Please, have yer go at Pullo's Poetry Parlor in my villa, that's here:

You want a poetry thread created for you? Just leave me a message then!

For AW folks: my message box

For other animals: my email

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Titus Pullo can rant, dance, sing...he can do anything.

Pullo

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September 12th MMVI: Where I have been? Where haven't I been?!

Mumping Cunnies! People must have thought: has Pullo quit writing? Is he dead? Did they rip his tongue out? Did they cut his throat?? No, folks. Titus Pullo has just been around and about.

After coming back from Rome, I went home to lick my wounds (from all the love bites, heheh) and then I packed up my gear to join the Thirteenth Legion in Britannia, to fight some savage local bums, take their gold and enjoy their women (and all the beer I could drink).

Now that I've come back home in the real and virtual sense (Eh! Don't get too posh, Pullo!), I find out that the time has finally come for us AW people to buy some property in the Neighborhoods of AncientWorlds. In Rome, that is a Casa, Domus or Villa (according to the amount of virtual money you can or may spend on such thing). This is another home page, but then with boards and threads and other people can post there as well. Nice and interactive. So I bought me and Eirene one. A Villa in the Subura. The first villa ever in the Subura, that eldorado of Roman commoners! Yay!

So come and visit my Villa! It's a nice place, full of Pullo, Pullo and more Pullo and Eirene, of course! And there is more: the board of the Lupus Family, for the fun of the the most swift and lightfooted family of AW Rome!

Please, don't take these piccies! Tey were made by the lovely lady Helia Lupus and meself. She provided the good stuff about them. They are her gifts to my outfit! And just watch this villa grow and prosper. I wonder what Vorenus will do. Will he buy himself some sort of property, now that bloody Pullo has one?

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Thirteenth, madam. Thirteenth!

Pullo

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August 27th MMVI: The Lady Next Door...

Haven't you met my new neigbor woman yet? The Lady Saree Ashoka is a beautiful, intelligent and nice woman, all alone as a freshly married Hindu lady, straight from the Indus in Rome...

Her husband got them a place to live right next door and left for a business trip to some far away place, just leaving her here and get it all straightened out. Now, her fellow Hindu people are very much taking care of her, obviously, but the Romans in our neighborhood could take advantage of her, because she really doesn't know one thing of our ways, you know. All these plebby blokes and veterans that live at this end of the City can be pretty naughty and captive towards such a lady. Now, Titus Pullo doesn't want that to happen. I don't want to watch people like that harassing such a nice and beautiful lady, so Eirene and I sort of took her under our wings, as good neighbors tend to do out here. I warned her for Roman men. They can be quite possessive. "Never trust a bloke who tells you, that you are the woman of his life," I told her, "because, mostly, all they want is some kind of slave that can keep their house clean, cook, give 'em some kids and please 'em in the bed and that's it." And for a beautiful and intelligent lady like her, all alone and looking for some company, trying to understand our way of life, this can be a tricky thing. Before she knows it, she trusts the wrong people and gets involved in bad situations and relationships. Only imagine if a guy like Erastes Fulmen (YUCK!!!) would get to lay his hands on her....We can't have that, right? I'm Titus Pullo, so I'm not gonna let that happen....! By the way, she's got quite the looks on me already (heheh!), but I'm honest enough to let Eirene know. Just have a look at Saree! She's like a goddess....All women are like goddesses! Eirene is my first and foremost goddess.......Yay!

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A friendly neigbor is better than a far away friend...

Pullo

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August 23rd MMVI: Pullo talks!

Yeah, a bloody lot! You already know that. Some say, that if Pullo starts talking, you can just shut the mump up and go home. Well, it's right, in a sense...LOL. Eirene like me talking, though. Then she doesn't have to say anything herself. Now that hse speaks our words and all that, she has become more open and talkative, but she's still a sweet little shy-ish girl, that doesn't like to talk much. Hmmmmm, I'd rather body talk with her, though! And she likes that even better!

To cut the crap short: listen to Pullo. He speaks. Online. Yup! How did I ever manage that, eh? Just call it twentyfirst century magic, Vorenus! Yay.....Pullo downloadable. It rules!

Listen to Pullo! This session of soundfiles is quite decent. Next journal entry will bring some of the more raunchy stuff!

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Is that it? I was just beginning to enjoy myself...

Pullo

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August 15th MMVI: Pullotalk Chat tomorrow!

Hmmm! What will that be about, eh? Well, mostly about Pullo, I think....Nope, there will be talking about Rome, the City, the series, the actors, the screen play, the script, the scenery, the REAL thing, who's with whom and who is doing what to whom and all that dribble....Small talk, history talk, serious business and gossip! Yay, gossip! Not that I'm such a gossip person, me. I don't give a f**k about gossip. But gossip and intrigue is what makes Rome tick, you see. Romans just thive on that, seems like...(sighs). Still, it will be good. There will be lots of good foods, drinks and nice people to get along with. And there will be all kinds of talk and, basically, behavior. I'll try to be good and keep it cool, though....(*hiccups*)

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Of course, Pullo talks. Sweet business only, right

Pullo

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August 11th MMVI: Enter M. Antonius

Yup. My so called general of the Thirteenth Gallic Legion. Marcus Antonius himself has entered the AW stage! Vorenus told me that this would be too much for him. Haven't seen him talking in ages though! He mostly talks thru me. I vent his feelings. I hope he will soon be better, though. It would be good for him to get to know a few new people.

Right then...Marcus Antonius. Tough guy and a bit sleezy from time to time. I don't mind that and I don't mind him. Straightforward man, him. I like that. But, although he knows how to love 'em, he treats women like they are his toys. And a woman, mind you, is not a toy. Not even something just to pick up to get more power or fame. And that's what he does. Well, don't those nobs and other high levelled guys do that? But a woman is something very serious and not to be dealt with in a wrong way. And I should know, because Titus Pullo has built up a huge experience with all kinds of women....They are lovely and very important and they should be treated a s such. No fussing around with them, while Pullo is around, ya hear?? That goes for you too, M.!

And another thing. Something completely different, yet very funny and I am quite a bit proud of it, too! A have been made a prefect. Praefectus! Yay!!! Justice at last, eh? LOL. I have written, and I am still writing (Titus Pullo is writing??? LOL, then Posca's lessons really payed off!) some stuff for the Roman Neighborhoods in AncientWorlds. They put it up there and, yup, they made me a prefect......You can have a look at that stuff here! Vorenus doesn't speak, but I can hear him seething. Poor man...

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Thirteenth Forver!!!

Pullo

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August 6th MMVI: Pullotalk

I just had a little talk with one of them lovely ladies at AW, lady Sementawy. Yup, the gyppo lady. She thought that it would be wonderful to have a group in AW called "Pullotalk". LOL Well, a group may be a bit too much of Titus Pullo in this outfit, so I suggested I might create a thread in the HBO Rome Board in AW. That would be a good idea, innit? So I went about doing that and the result is this:

Good stuff, innit? Of course it is! You and I, we're gonna talk! About just anything! There are a few restrictions, just read about it by clicking the link. Those restrictions are about the smut talk that would come out of people talking to and with Pullo. Of course, things like that can be done in the Pullo Pages, but not in AW. Still and all, there's a lot of fun to be had while talking to and with Pullo.

Just hop over, AW people, when I'm out of grams or just because you like to. It's my public caupona, where Pullo holds court, LOL (just don't tell Vorenus tat I said that. He would get mad at me again...)

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Talk to Pullo. Talk about Pullo. Just don't speak of the Thirteenth...

Pullo

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August 1st MMVI: Twins?

I just kicked off my boots after a hard day's work. Eirene comes up to me. She sits on my lap, which is quite an effort, when you consider that she's five months pregnant now and already quite heavy. "Eirene, you're getting pretty heavy now," I say to her. She nods and smiles. Her eyes start to twinkle and she kisses me on the cheek. That always calls for more, so I kiss her back and we kiss for a while. Always good when yer home after a day of hard work....

"I talked with several people about my pregnancy today," she says, "Some women in the neighborhood, a midwife and a doctor, who was recommended to me. They all say, that I'm quite heavy for my time of pregnancy. They think that I'm carrying not one child, but two!"

"Eirene! Two little kiddies?!" I say.

She nods, smiling happily. It's clear that she is very pleased.

"That midwife and doctor both started feeling my belly and they could feel that there are two little ones inside, not one. Pullo, I'm pretty sure that we are going to have twins!"

That, folks, that blows my mind!

"Eirene, are you really sure?!" I cannot believe my ears and in a reflex, I start stroking her belly gently.

"Yes, dear, we're all quite sure about it. Isn't that wonderful? We're going to have TWO Pullos!"

"Or TWO Eirenes," I say.

"No Titus, I am sure that they are boys. They kick like two little editions of you!" she says and starts giggling.

I laugh too. Boy, am I pleased to hear this! Two kids instead of one! Twins! I hope and I pray to the gods, that she can carry them until they are born and that they will be born safely. I know that Eirene deserves healthy kids, but do I? Titus Pullo has done a great deal of cac in his life. Will the gods allow me to become the father of two beautiful children, two at the same time?? I hope so. I pray for that.

Oh, only wait until my friends hear about this! I must be careful with Vorenus, he may not be able to take this. Poor man, he's not been very well lately. All kinds of crap he's had in his recent life. I have to tell him, because he's a friend, but I must go about it gently. Especially because we think we are going to have two sons. He's not had any sons and I know that he would have loved to have them.

I lift Eirene up gently with my strong arms. She's heavy, but still no match for my strength. I carry her around in our apartment and we laugh happily. I put her on the bed and lay myself beside her. Then.....the evening is just full of fun and happiness. What a way to end yer working day... Yay!!!

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Kids are great!

Pullo

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July 3oth MMVI: Our neighbors' fight...

Last night, Eirene woke me up from a perfect good sleep, after she and I had been fumbling and playing around for hours (stroking her growing belly and talking sweetly to that thingy that's inside there. You know, all that foolish stuff parents to be normally do). I asked her what was wrong, since she was crying a bit and looking very scared. She told me that the neighbors were fighting.....again. It's Millius and his wife Priscilla. They have been going on about some kind of disagreement (that I don't want to know of, but because we Romans live in these insulas, you get to hear every crap your neighbor is having with his wife, his kids, his landlord, his caupo (for not paying drinking bills and all that), etcetera. That's what keeps Rome going on. I try to explain this to Eirene, but for some reason, she always reacts like a little scared mouse when the neighbors are yelling at night, fighting, throwing things at eachother...She then starts to cry and begs me to get out of the bed and tell these people to calm down and settle their disagreement.

Poor, sweet little Eirene. She hates fights. After that one time I bashed Oedipus' skull and she was there and cried that heavily, I pledged I would never hit anyone again when she's around, unless I can't avoid it, because it makes her so unhappy, that poor soul. She must have been treated very roughly many times before I got to know her....

So I get out at night, go over to Millius' place (fortunately, he's a veteran of the Thirteenth himslef and I've known this guy for ages) and ask him what's going on. He's having a disagreement with his wife, because she thinks that he's cheating on her with one of these women in that insula next to ours, where all these Hindu people live. She saw him talking several times with this young and beautiful girl, the daughter of one of these curry sellers over there. Poor Millius, what could he say? The only thing he could do was admit that he talks to young ladies, because everyone knows he does. Now when I'm around, Priscilla usually takes courage out of this, because she knows that Millius won't hit her, when I'm around. I don't like women being beaten up, not even by my best friends...So he won't beat her. Sometimes, he does, though. When I'm not around. Poor woman. I'm sure Millius isn't cheating on her, but you know men, eh? They always think they can be eternally free, even if they are married with kids and all that. That's it. That's what makes women get pissed off on us men. They want love and security. Us men, we only want to mump. That's the problem. Me, I've been like that for the biggest part of my life and I still enjoy all women, but I made it perfectly clear to Eirene, that she is the woman of my life! That's why I go out at night to keep them voices down and make an end to fights. Caesar put me in charge of this damn insula and I'm not a crazy bastard of a landlord, but I'm doing my job. And I can't watch Eirene being unhappy and crying. So I get out, settle things down and hope that I have to get out of my bed only once that night. The best place to be (night and day, but especially at night), for me, is in my bed with my woman in my arms, all cuddled up and cozy.....Yay!

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A good fight, a good spoil, a good love. That's life, eh?

Pullo

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July 17th MMVI: Eirene cries my name...

In the previous edition of this here sizzling Journal I have been referring to the way Eirene calls out to me. I wanted to point that out, because she makes me go cold and warm at the very same time with it. Vorenus says it sounds stupid and pretty much like Eirene is a retarded girl and I almost punched him in the face for that. He won't say things like that again, I can assure you!

Eirene calls out so sweetly to me. Remember me saying this about some girls?

Well, Eirene does it like this:

Sweet, eh? And nice. She always calls out for me like that. And I can hear it miles away, you know. No woman calls my name like that. No beautiful, rich, important, strong or willing woman.....

You can tell how I love my Eirene....

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Put a greeting on there for Eirene, while you're at it...

Pullo

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July 11th MMVI: Rumours about another woman...

Yeah! I've been away to the lands of the British tribes, to fight some more savage men and hunt down some more savage deer.....LOL Uh, not exactly that, but I have been there...Now that I'm back in Rome, I find people gossiping about me again....I can't be away for too long, or people start missing me around and then they must talk about me. Rumour has it that there's another woman that I'm seriously in love with. Next to Eirene, yes. Now that I'm a married man and that Eirene is pregnant, yes. So they say. They say that her name is Gaia and that she's a sword fighter. A tough woman. A she devil. Just the type of woman Titus Pullo likes to hunt down and bring under him. Oh well, just let people talk. They always have to anyway. Yes, there is a Gaia and yes, I like her very much. But that's just one world away from my life with Eirene and all the bliss that comes from it. And think of the fact, that Titus Pullo knows so many women in his life and if he could, he would marry all of them!

Gaia might throw a good fit or wave a sword at me from time to time and I may occasionally squeeze her bottom, but Eirene is the lady who takes me into her bed and lets me please her there! There is total bliss in them small things. No one calls out "Pullooooooo!" when dinner is ready or I have to run errands for her than my sweet little Eirene does. I hope to share that sound with you soon enough! It's just great and it makes me go weak as wax. No ten Gaias can compete with that! And Eirene knows it. She's very young and brought up quite simply, but she's a smart girl and she knows these things. We really fit like hand in glove, or....like so many inches in them very nice places! LOL

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You have to hunt 'em down like deer, but once they are under you, they are as slack as your best Narbo scortum...

Pullo

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July 4th, MMVI: 4th of whot???

I'll be short then. For all those who are partying now and who are too busy or whatever to read this anyhow. The fourth of July....I was told that this is a major thingy in a big part of the world. On the other side of the pond. Well, I hope they are having a good time. Leaves me with just myself, my beautiful and pregnant lovely Eirene and lots of drunk friends, who are still musing about this crazy gladiator game in that goofy arena called AW! LOL. And arena, where no one can be killed! It's almost like that religion I was having this discussion about with one of the AW members.....Well, nevermind...Here's the nice pic Xtreemli made. That'll cheer you up!

THis graphic was made by Xtreemli Curius

And cool us down! It's more than 30 degrees C here! It's as hot as V's private parts.....(sighs)

Blood and fire.....

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Blood and fire! It's as hot as Vulcan's d*ck...

Pullo

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June 27th MMVI: The games are behind us...

And great they were! I don't know about the others, but I had a wonderful time! I fought in the arena against several people, like the emperor Claudius himself, who was standing in for his nephew Caligula. Was it a real standin because of sickness or whatever he said? I personally think he just told his nephew to stay away so that he could enter the arena to fight me himself. Some courage for a limping old geezer, eh? Bravo! Then there was SignorGrande Romulus who was acting as arbiter in the games first, but soon enough seemed to get bored of that and stepped into the ring too. He wanted to have Pullo eat the dust, eh? I guess he's not as old as the emperor, but he's getting pretty close! It's hard to fight these people, because you don't really want to hurt them. The third coryfee I encountered was the beautiful and dashing Xena! At last, a woman in the ring! And she wanted to put me down, sir! Yes! That must mean that she wants me badly! LOL She was so fierce and dedicated to bring me down that she did bring me down. In fact, two out of three did so. Fighting in a virtual arena in AW is quite difficult, folks. You're supposed to do nothing else than to describe what you're fighting moves are and there's another thing: you can't really hurt or kill anybody. Now I would feel sorry to kill a woman or an old man, but fighting and striking without hurting or killing IS difficult. It's like the work Erastes Fulmen made me do: killing without anyone knowing about it.....(sigh). So, that's why I didn't do as good in the arena as I did when those seven nasty gladiators were coming at me and calling the Thirteenth Legion a bunch of wussies.....

And then, of course, my pc crashed. Fortunately, I know a few things about unbolting an rebolting this thing, so I was able to fix it in a couple of hours, but it got me in dire straits during the fight. People thought that Pullo was angry because his opponents had brought him down in the arena. How could I be? It's just for the fun of the game!

Now that the parties are over, and the normal drinking and fooling around has come back, it's time to think of getting ready for parenthood. Sometimes, I just have to remember that I am becoming a father. A father! And who was MY father then, eh? I even don't know what a father is like and thus, what it's like to be one.....So, I'm calling on Vorenus, who has plenty of time now, since he masterly failed as a senator, and he's telling me everything he knows about his father, about being a father and parenthood in general. He tells me that I have to pray for sons and no daughters. Daughters are a pain in the neck, he says. They cost you a lot of money to get them married off, they leave your family and, if you are unlucky (like he was with his first one), they get pregnant before they are supposed to: before getting married, which will seriously devaluate them on the market for a good marriage.

You know what I think?? Vorenus is a good friend, but an old bore, too! I simply LOVE to have daughters. I would be very proud of them. And even if they would get preggy before getting married, if their child would be a love child, it would be alright with me. I don't know how Eirene thinks about that, but this is what I think....Girls are beautiful! They are magic!

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Sort. We're all Romans, eh?

Pullo

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June, 23rd MMVI: the Games have begun!

Yes, folks. Titus Pullo is up and about the arena again! This time, the occasion is not a bunch of filthy old gladiators who call all the heroes of the Thirteenth wussies, but the emperor Claudius himself, who, in his old age, likes to fight Pullo so much, that he declares Caligula sick with a headache and condemns his divine predecessor to bed, just to be able to give Pullo a lick of the cat by himself. Well, I hope he can hold his farm rake, which he tends to call a trident....Dressed up as a retiarius, he drags himself and his limping foot around the arena, not knowing front and back of it. Me? I'm dressed up as a Thracian, the way the ladies like it! It looks as if I'm going to win, but you can never know how Fortune;s dice roll.....And all the fun is because of the 30th anniversary of the series "I, Claudius".......Good, innit?

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Interesting job, butchering. Reminds me of war...

Pullo

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June 14th MMVI: One or two?

Just picked up my stylus to write something down, or else I'll forget about it. And it's important, so it seems.

The thing is this: Eirene had a dream last night. It happens now and then that she dreams, but this time what she dreamt was interesting: she dreamt she was sleeping in that field, where I took her to worship the goddess Rusina, and where we made up our differences. As she slept there, she was woken up by a sharp pain in her belly, which opened up and two bloody critturs crept out of it. I know, some of you readers might want to turn away and puke, but this is what she dreamt, folks. Two babies! Two boys, too. While she's still in her fourth month of pregnancy, Eirene dreamt this and now she thinks the gods wanted to tell her that she's gonna have two boys. "Two Pullos," she says. "Didn't I tell you so? Two little Pullos. It's like what I told you I was gonna have..."

Oh, my.....Can you believe it? In about five months, Eirene will give birth to two boys and then she will be put up with three Pullos! I hope my little dove can take this....She says that she can. She starts to giggle, when I tell her I am worried about her. "Don't you worry about me now," says she. I am a woman and women are made of stern stuff! You better start worrying about all those women who want to fight you in that gladiatorial contest!!!"

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There may be a god in some men, but every woman is a goddess...

Pullo

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June 10th MMVI: Have I swallowed my pencil??

Mumping cunnies! It's been ages that Titus Pullo has written something to please the mob. That's right, being a husband ain't quite the easiest job in the world. Yet, I wouldn't want to miss this for anything in the world. Keeping the wife happy, her being preggy and hence very demanding and all, plus keeping up track with all my social connections (Vorenus and the boys in the Thirteenth), plus working various jobs as a guard and peace keeper (Oi! ME as a peace keeper?! Hahae! Still, it's true. If you want peace, you need guys to fight for it, eh?). So, life has been busy, *grunt*.

But I really haven't swallowed my pencil or anything. Life's just too good to be true and I'm enjoying it to its full extent. Eirene and I are very happy. This Suburan insula of Caesar's which I have been taking care of since I got married has been empty until now. Yesterday, some new tenants moved in: my good old friends Mascius and Millius, both veterans of the Thirteenth, and their families. Mascius and his men had been promised some good farmland in Pannonia, which they got, but they decided to move back to Rome and leave their land being taken care of by some local slaves. They were homesick, I think. I guess, that Pannonia must be good farmland, but quite a rough place to live. So Mascius came back and I got him a place in Caesars personal guard to serve and have a purpose for being in Rome. Millius is still waiting for some farmland and I decided to take him in, which was approved. Glad to be of some service to my old army comrades. They have helped me so many times in the past, so it's a good feeling to pay 'em back this way. Eirene likes having more people around the insula.

Hmmmm, I'm starting to sound like a boring old husband, eh? Well, there's plenty of action to talk about, too. Some way or another, men can't keep their eyes of some women of the Julii. Of course, they are beautiful! Yet, I myself wouldn't think of approaching one of 'em the way I usually approach the ladies, heheh! They are way too noble for that (or too dangerous, if I may say so...). That sort of women doesn't belong to the lot of Titus Pullo. I think I wouldn't even obey "just like that" if they commanded me to have it on with them....Not just like that, no sir. I am sure that Caesar wouldn't like it and we must keep the boss happy, eh? Any road, so I have to safeguard these ladies. And they can be quite sure that they are safe when Titus Pullo is around! And they are. They seem to like my company as well. Hmmm, good! (chuckles)

What's coming up next? Oh yes, the big fight in the IC 30 Festival. Well, what can I say? I'm training with my fellow veterans in our insula's courtyard every day. Vorenus comes in, sits there and watches us. Some way or another, he seems to be a bit sad these days. Doesn't say much, too. When I ask him, what's wrong, he just shakes his head, says "nothing" and that's it. Even Eirene has noticed it. The only thing I can think of is: "Niobe then?" But he won't even talk about what's up with her, like he used to in the past. He even got drunk once while telling me about his difficulties with her. Drunk. Yup. Usually, he doesn't drink much or even not at all. But I must say, that I have seen him drinking one or two cups of wine more often lately. Is he having a fight with Niobe? Must be about marrying off his daughters. Probably so. (sighs) I am sure that Eirene and I won't have any problems about marrying off our kids when they grow up. I'll leave all that to her then. I am a master of love, but I know nothing about marrying off your kids and all that. Not one mumping thing. Why should I, eh? So, if Eirene comes up with good parties for our kids, which she probably will, I'll approve of all and everything. She is so sweet. She wants only the best for me and our marriage....My dove....(smiles, sighs).

Ah. She's calling me. There's some food and wine on the table for me. See? She's always taking good care of me. As long as I serve her well in bed...Of course I do! In bed and around the house, I'm her slave. Her orders and commands are so bloody good!!!

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A jealous woman is a loving woman...

Pullo

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May 30th MMVI:The long month of May is nearing its end...

May is almost done, folks. And a long and enervating month it has been for Titus Pullo! First, the honeymoon. Drag yerself and yer pregnant wife all the way to Crete to stay in someone's place....Nah, that's not fair, says Eirene. And she's right there. It was a lovely trip on a lovely boat and that sea god fellow, who seems to roam the Greek territorial waters, that Triton chap, stayed off my back for a change. Must have been Eirene's sweet looks, eh? Then that gorgeous palace of that lovely Minoan queen, where we stayed and had a wonderful time! I almost forgot to go back home, but suddenly a gnawing bit of consciousness started eating me...a longing for home. Eirene felt it, too. So, after a good two weeks, we begged the queen to let us go. She said she liked that, it was some kind of an Odysseus game, she said. Dunno about that, though...Anyway, we went home again and in Rome, many wonders awaited us! People hadn't been sitting around doing nothing there while the Pullos had been away. No, sir. The "I, Claudius" group finally pushed through its idea of celebrating the XXXth anniversary of the first broadcast of the "I, Claudius" series. One of the festival's highlights should be an idea, proposed by meself some time ago, a big gladiatorial fight, generally spoken the fight of the year! Because I already have gained some experience in fighting gladiators and actually liked it (although it was supposed to be my last fight in this life and I got really bruised up, but became a hero as well!), I am game for another fight. Yup! Let 'em fight me. Titus Pullo will beat 'em all. And what a band of rat bastards and wretched ladies has already signed up for the big event! People seem to be eager to fight and kill of this c*ck. Well, let 'em think they can...They won't. Ahae! So gear up for June 21st-22nd and 23rd, when the IC festival is on and limbs will fly through the air during the big fight! Oh, eh...and don't forget to place yer bets, too!

Another thingy is the following: I had an encounter with Caesar yesterday. Short and sweet, he told me to be prepared to gear up with the Thirteenth again pretty soon..."Well, sir," says I, "I'm a veteran now. If you want me, I will have to be made an evocatus first." He nodded, but said nothing. I hope I haven't overstepped my boundaries now. But rules are rules, (chuckles).. By the way, I was just getting prepared for the after-army life: getting me a few nice jobs (which is going fine), supporting a family (which is going great, I can safely say), living in a nice place (that's happening as well), so, being asked to join up again doesn't really fit in there, eh? I can see Eirene's face now. She's a bit upset about next month's fight already (although I keep telling her not to worry about that), but to tell her, that the big man has called upon me to join up with the Thirteenth again?? What will she say? What will she do? Well, she will cry, I can tell you that. If she doesn't want one thing to happen, then it's being like Niobe has been for years: a lone woman with a breed of kids, waiting for her husband, who's far away, serving in the army, in some godforsaken war...She can cope with my vices (fighting, feeding & drinking, f**king) as long as I am near her, as long as she can take part in my life. Ah, she's so right about that. I don't want to be out of the City for years again. I want my peace of mind. I want my Eirene. Still, when the horn blows, the soldier must fall in and move out. Innit?

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Life? War, wine, women.....That's life. Get one!

Pullo

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May 26th MMVI: Seeking a husband for Vorenus' daughters...

Time flies when yer having fun! The first time I saw Vorenus' daughters they were going on fourteen and nine years old (if I remember that correctly) and they were just dabbling around the house, trying to get in sunc with their parents' wishes to because good and obedient young women. Now that we have passed several years of living and being away from the home together, Vorenus (and I) are standing before the challenge of finding good and reliable spouses for them two girls, both by the name of Vorena (orginal, isn't he?). Whot? Me too? Am I supposed to contribute in the matter? Well, yes. Seems like. Not that I have any responsibility whatsoever regarding these two girls, I swear, I never touched them or even wished to do so, but it seems that Lucius is relying on my expertise with women and my knowledge what a good man seeks in a woman and a a good woman seeks in a man. He still doesn't seem to have any confidence in his own judgement of matters like this. Well, there I am then....M*mping c*****s, I hope I won't let him down...I really think he should deal with matters like this himself, because he's the better husband of the two of us, but now, all of a sudden, he doesn't agree with me. He looks at me and Eirene and how we are getting along fine together and now he thinks that I am some kind of a super husband. Well, I am thrilled about that and so is Eirene, no doubt, but I think he should leave the choice for a good husband up to someone else, especially to himself. No matter what happens, if I turn out to have picked the wrong guys here, it'll be all Pullo's fault, Pullo's cock up, damn foolish Pullo's mistake. So, to be a friend for him and yet not take the responsibility, I tell him that I shall advise him, but that he is the father and it'll be HIS choice. Good, innit?

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Don't ask me, if you really don't want to know...

Pullo

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May 23rd MMVI: The learned Julia Augusti

It's not only fun and games that happen at AncientWorlds. No, sir. Eirene and I came back from our honeymoon and landed up in a mega brain session! Up their way, they call that the Symposion Series. I had to ask Vorenus what that means: "Symposion". He didn't really know, but he could tell me that it had something to do with drinking and dining. Because I'm always interested in that, I met up on my first afterhoneymoon work appointment with my young fighting recrute Octavius and asked him about this matter. He told me, that the word means "A drinking together session". Well! I'm always delighted to hear about that. "Of course," says Octavius, "there can't be only drinking. People get together to talk about philosophy and literature." Hm! A big booze up and brains too, eh? A big brain booze up. Oh well. That goes for me. So, at AncientWorlds, this year's big brain booze up was all about a very learned woman, called Julia Augusti (in RL, she is called Dr. Elaine Fantham, connected to the Princeton University in that big country on the other side of that big pond). That figures, because she is going to bring out a book about Julia Augusti. Hm! I look at Octavius. I say: "Hey, me young fellow, aren't you going to be called "Augustus" later on in yer life?" He nods. "And Julius, too?" He nods again. Hm! "So Julia Augusti would be your daughter, then?" Again, he nods, with a frown on his forehead. He either hasn't slept that well lately, or he doesn't want to think about the future that much. Hmmm, I can imagine that. Poor young man. Having to put up with such a family. It's not easy to be Atia's son, looks like. That boy's father is dead and all he ever since saw was one lover after another in his mother's bed. He acts as if he doesn't care, but I don't know. He must care. I still have to find a way to at least appear more faithfull to Eirene, the way a husband seems to be supposed to look (eh! look at Vorenus and there you see a husband), but whenever she needs me, she only has to call out and there I am! Whatever I am doing at that point...

Anyway, many people have thanked Julia Augusti, that learned woman from over the big pond already and I want to thank her again here! Thanks for all the good and fruitfull discussions! Symposium Vivat!!

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Oi! It's not only looks that counts in a woman! It's brains and soul, too!

Pullo

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May 18th MMVI: Big gladiatorial fight next month in Rome!!

Still one month to go and the ad hasn't been posted yet and three women (or should that be four? Is Gabrielle challenging me as well?) and Emperor Claudius have already taken up their swords to challenge me! LOL

Me and Vorenus fighting at the gladiator fight in ROME, season 1, episode 11.

I must say now, since I am an incorregible womanizer, I think I shan't kill the women. I can chase 'em down like deer and once they're under me they can either rage on or get slack as yer best Narbo scortum. I don't care, as long as they cry my name (by night or day)! LOL. But kill them? No, madam. I don't think so. Maybe those in charge of the organisation should take care of placing a bed right next to the arena, so that, when I'm fighting these women, I can have a few "time outs" with 'em on that bed. Better hire a good soft bed from that prime lupanar in the Subura! (chuckles).

Either way, I'm game. I already said that several times. Yup. I'm game. That piccie Lulu made for the occasion is great stuff, too!

Yay! Please, bring yer swords and muscles! Challenge me! But, like I said, for yer own sake: don't talk of the Thirteenth!

Titus Pullo

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Talk to the cachead. He's the clever one, him.

Pullo

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May 15th MMVI: Back Home and Kicking!

Eirene and I got home in the Subura last Friday after a great honeymoon, full of good grub, drinks and lots of love stuff. But, of course, we couldn't mess up the Minoan Queen's place like forever and in fact that was exactly what I was doing: messing up! So, after some two to two and a half weeks, Eirene and I decided that it was time to go home. We started getting a little worried about home, actually. What would have happened there and if the gang would be alright and all that. You know, that sob stuff that happens, when you're away from home for a long time. And home is quite new to us. Now that we are back, we have lots of people sitting around in our courtyard, having grubs and drinks with us and listening to all our incredible stories about them Minoan people and the palace of that Minoan Queen and how goregous she was...So we told them, over and over again, because we didn't want them to leave, of course. From this place here, sittig and drinking with my old Saxon drinking partner Aelfwine, I want to thank the Minoan Queen for having us crappers for such a long time! We really enjoyed it, and if you happen to be in the neighborhood some time, do pass by and stay with us! You can have the master bed and Eirene and I will sleep on the attic! LOL We love that!

Now that we're back home, the regular life starts......Ugh! Let me refrase that. Now that we're back home, the GOOD life starts! Hmmmm! Eirene and I are enjoying every day of our married life! Her belly is growing like there's a big cabbage inside and I'm starting to think that she may be carrying twins! Ahae! A little Eirene AND a little Pullo! She goes to Libera's shrine on the Upper Aventine every day now to pray for healthy babies and sometimes, I accompany her. Gets me out of the house with her and I like to be with her on moments like this, too, when she is very serious and religious. She looks very good then. And me? Well, since Caesar is still alive in AW (thanks to Aelf, by the way) I still got my job in the Domus Julia as a security keeper and body guard. I'm also still teaching Octavius and taking him on various excursions to various interesting parts of the City! LOL So, no need to care about money yet. Still and all, Eirene wants to setup her own business. That's fine with me. As long as she has something to do, eh? I don't care if she makes some money, even if she makes more than I do. Titus Pullo is a modern man in many ways. As long as we're happy, eh? That's they key to a long and good life!

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There's no love like pickled love.

Pullo

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May 11th MMVI: Preparing to leave these premises and heading for home (=Rome)

Eirene is sighing. She hangs around the pool in the lovely Minoan Palace, playing lazy and eating suspicious looking sausages....It's time to think about heading for home, then. I don't object to her funny food habits she has been developing lately, because half the world knows what happens when lovely ladies get pregnant, eh? Only the Vorenus part of the world doesn't know, of course. "What will happen then?" he would ask. There's always something he won't know about women, him. "Well," I say, "these pregnant women will develop funny food combinations: sweet and sour, plump and slick together in one bite." He looks at me, thinking. I hate it when he looks at me that way. A stupid remark is bound to follow next, then. "Well, I've never seen Niobe doing such things when she was pregnant." Tsk, tsk. "Of course not, Vorenus. You never SAW Niobe at all when she was pregnant. You just came on leave, did yer thing (in & out-ish) and went off again, leaving her preggy and you not knowing until yer next leave found you fondling a little one. Whatever must have happened in between, how could YOU ever know about that, eh? Let me tell you one thing, though: all women have these food things, when they are preggy. All of them! Ask anyone!"

That's the kind of conversation we would have....(sighs) Actually, I miss those conversations. I really like this place, but it'll be damn good to get home again. I miss Rome and its noisy, raunchy, busy and nosey atmosphere. People butting in on other people, minding eachother's businesses. People gossiping, scheming. Men giving good looking women the eye and whisteling for them. Women blushing, giggling....Vorenus' daughters trying to avoid the moves of some boys of the Thirteenth's First Cohort, yet unable to not mind at all...Lucius, ferociously trying to keep them horny soldiers away from his daughters. The oldest one already has quite a rep, although some of us may know that this is only fake, because her mother made her cover up some gruel secret....Hmmmm, won't say more, eh?

I wonder how well our apartment has been kept. Vorenus promised he would have some reliable boys of the Thirteenth keep an eye on things...I hope they haven't eaten all that fine meat and drunk all them good wines, the bastards....Oh aye, I know, keeping an eye on things costs, but all the same, I hope they took things easy. Might smash a few heads against pillars, if not...LOL

"Yeah, yeah, my dove. I'll give you yer treat, as soon as I have finished writing in my journal...LOL"

There it is, folks. Gotta put an end to today's rant. The wife is calling me and duty is duty, eh? LOL

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Rome, sweet Rome?

Pullo

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May 8th MMVI: Thinking of Rome...

Nah. I'm not really homesick, me. And Eirene and the hostess lady have actually been looking around for a nice summer holiday farm on this island. She really loves this place. But now that our honeymoon is in its last week, I start thinking of Rome and what's happening there. Has Vorenus been able to marry off his daughters already? He said he wanted to get 'em out of his house as soon as possible. Half the Thirteenth has been linguering about his premises, since he announced that. I doubt if he will get his girls some soldier boys. If he thinks twice, which he mostly does, he won't do that. Fortunately, Eirene never thinks twice, eh?

I have been asked to join another home decorating contest, this time by some of the most sacred beings that dwell over at the AncientWorlds. I'm not that stupid to tell you any names, because that would only make people jealous of Titus Pullo and that's what we don't want, eh? I just want to keep them gods happy, that's all. Didn't even need to bribe 'em. Just some flowers for Mother's Day, which was actually Eirene's idea. And that particular divine being happens to be a mother as well....Which pretty many divine ones are, but I really didn't know about this one. Looks to me as martial as Bellona and as wet as Venus, but neither of the two is the one I'm talking about now. Keep guessing!

Art work is getting better all the time, I think. Mmmh, if you think differently, have a time at my very own caupona and tell me about it! In this plebby outfit, anything goes, as long as you can keep yer mouth from being racey. We have other chat places for that stuff, LOL! I was saying that I drew me some more art. Not raunchy this time, but I got plenty more ideas for THAT though! Hahae, just don't you think that Titus Pullo dries out of that, now that he's got himself a wife! She's my inspiration to many a raunchy thought and piece of art....LOL. But this is for all of you, people, even for them little ones. These pages are somewhat classified, but I know that the wee ones are watching this stuff, so I might as well give them something to watch which won't give their parents a heart attack:

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There's no place like Eirene's bed...

Pullo

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May 6th, MMVI: Word from Rome

Sometimes, word from Rome leaks through in these paradise regions here: a letter from Vorenus. Yup. Eirene has become a citizen of Rome! Yay! She passed out (again!) as I told her. Had to catch her in my strong arms. Her way of keeping me exercise my muscles. I thought that lifting up these heavy wine bowls out here was already doing the trick...But imagine! Eirene a citizen! Then our kids will be full Roman citizens, once they're born.....Hmmm, good eh?

I once called her a "poor girl", but she isn't that anymore. Way far from it! She's becoming quite a lady right now. These male servants in here are mighty interested in her. Well, that's alright with me, as long as they won't start talking about marriage. My Eirene is hitched already and she will stay mine for the rest of her life. If anyone thinks differently, especially men who talk about marrying her, will feel the top of their head meet with some hard piece of marble, I can tell you that! Hahae!

Because there isn't much to do here, apart from eating and drinking well, swimming, sun bathing, partying and shagging, Titus Pullo trained his decoration skills some more and created some graphic art, which can be seen in my Suburan apartment right now! You will surely like it! It's piccies of me with some of my text lines in them. Helps me remember. LOL

Left: my declaration of love to Eirene in me own language and Right: I tell Vorenus that the Gyppo princess wants me.

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All women have them. Ask anyone.

Pullo

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May 2nd, MMVI: Keeping it dry...

Yeah. Promised not to say anything bad to this Triton godly guy. Promised Eirene and Vorenus too, when we left. "Better say nothing at all to him," Vorenus advised, "because you and that mouth of yours....You might cock up before you'll know it and then your whole honeymoon will go down the drain..." He may be right for a change. We've been there before. Me in a boat, snapping at Triton. That bit of punishment came pretty fast to me, as all godly things come to Titus Pullo pretty fast. They are listening all the time to me, to anything I say, seems like.

Yeah, well. Here I am now, sitting in a nice palace basin, drinking something they call a cocktail in here. Mmh! Nice stuff, this. It's been my tenth order of the stuff and these servant people keep pouring in without handing out charge notes, so I guess I might as well have a few more. So thinks Eirene, sitting, nay, almost sleeping here next to me. Mmmmhhh! Getting a bit dizzy from that good stuff, though...(chuckles).This is the GOOD life, this. We just came in here this morning and the Lady of the House had sent people to the harbour to pick us up and bring us here.....It has been bliss ever since, can't say anything else. Hmmmm, if Vorenus could only see me. And all them boys in the Thirteenth! E'ou! Mighty jealous they would be then, eh? Still, I think all people should live like this, even if it only were just for a little while.

And what the Lady of the House has just told me! Remember that British bloke, who plays me so well in that "ROME" series and makes me really come alive? He had himself made a real website, just for him and all the acting thingies he has done and still will do! Ain't that something, eh? And because I really support Ray and all he does, I am now going to present this marvellous web thingy to you:

www.ray-stevenson.com

Quite something, innit? Still in its beginnings, but that's gonna change soon! There are lots of Rome photos and tons of other stuff already! Good stuff, yay! By the way, there's a RS community as well, so if you want to spend yer days ranting on about this here Mr. Fabulous, this site provides you just the place to do it, LOL!!!

Here's me and Eirene on our way here....She got a little tired and she wanted to lie down and sleep, but I told her to get up and walk a little more or get carried by me, if she liked that...Looks suspicious, eh? Well, no worries. After all, I married the girl and who would stop me, eh? For taking care of her?

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Ray Rules!

Pullo

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May 1st MMVI: The dull life?

The boys of the Thirteenth warned me. "Don't let yer life get too boring, now that you're a married man!"

Ahae! Of course not! After the wedding ceremony, I can tell you, between meals and drinks, married life has been one big MUMP! Niobe got all jealous at my Eirene, because she gets IT all day long! Yup, even now when she's pregnant, LOL. Vorenus tells her it's not healthy, but I think she disagrees with him. Yet, Niobe is his and I wouldn't lay a finger on that woman. After all, Vorenus may be a turd face, he's still my friend.

Today is the first day of our honeymoon, which we have been invited to spend on the island of Crete. Yeah, you good looking stalkers, I know what you think! You want to creep up to our chins and be in the bath and bed with us, eh? All the way up? Sorry, folks, that's not going to happen. The Pullos want to spend their first married weeks in peace and quietness, to have some more mumps and muse about the name of our first little one....Hmmm, I can be short mused about that and so can Eirene, 'cos it's gonna be either Eirene or Pullo, but we like to do this over and over again, 'cos it makes us feel good. We're now in Athens, waiting for a cart to bring us to that harbor...Piraeus, where we can get on a......SHIP?!

Ack! Again???? Why is it always that Pullo has to go on board of a ship once he treads on Greek soil? And why is it that he always tends to drown then? Why? I hope Eirene will bring me luck, though, because I really want us to get there. This palace where we're going to stay for XIII days (yay! Everything has to be XIII for Pullo, says Eirene, that Pullo says. Yeah. I can imagine that Pullo says something like that) is supposed to be quite the thingy here. I mean, if you get a thing like this down there, it MUST be GOOD, right!

I mean, ain't that goody??? So, don't talk to me about a dull life once yer married. It ain't boring at all. How can Pullo's life be dull anyway???

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Seethe on, Vorenus..

Pullo

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April 25th MMVI: Whot??!! I did whot??

Seems like. I won gold at the AncientWorlds' Best Homes Contest this year. The design and content was worth its weight in GOLD, seems like! Wow! I never knew that my rants and dirty piccies would gain so much praise around here. That jury must have been bewildered and magnetized by the spells of my puppy dog eyes, then.

Well, whatever it was that caused this happy occasion, dear jury, I thank all and every bit of you for it! Mism Cornellia, may I kiss your cheek? I won't mention other parts I'm aiming for! LOL After all, you're a goddess, eh? And all them other people in the jury, thanks a lot! You are proof that AW is VERY GOOD to Pullo!

Yup, it's good to be here. Eirene thinks so too. We are very happy.

So this is married life, eh? Apart from my more than average hangover, it doesn't feel any different from non-married life...."BUT," says Vorenus, "once you sober up, the responsibilities come! You got to pay the rent and get food on the table, so you NEED a steady job! Then, the kids come, you will need money to feed them too! And you can't always walk around the city, checking in on every taberna, caupona, lupanar and whatever raunchy places YOU frequent! So that's one, Pullo...and..."

"Vorenus?" says I.

"Yes?" says he.

"Just suck my little helper, man..."

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I?m not stupid. I just said she wants me.

Pullo

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April 24th MMVI: E'ou! Many THANKS to all of you!!!

(Getting out of my new apartment, scratching my head)

YAWN!

Hey, there's Lady Tanaquil. Good morning, madam! How are you today? And how have you been? I have seen shades of you during the wedding and party, a quick hand and kiss on the cheek and out you were again. So dreadfully busy again, eh? Don't forget to live, please. That's what life is dor, my dove.

Breakfast? Oh yeah. Eh, I'm afraid that'll be Eirene's department. And she's fumbling around in her brand new bath tub, enjoying the water and all the lotions she got as a present. All these nice ladies and gents with their arms full of presents....aaaaah! How wonderful it was, our wedding, eh? People were really having a h*ll of a time! Wish I could do it all over again, all the same and with the smae girl, of course. My Eirene. So sweet. She's so happy. And so am I. I really feel like I look like above.

Now then. Folks! On behalf of Eirene and meself, I want to thank EVERYONE who showed up! I myself was quite occupied during the wedding party, I pre-poned the ceremony to the early morning, because I knew it was going to be a quicky (Octavius doesn't like long speeches. He takes after Caesar there) and I wanted people to have more fun at the party than anything else. By the way, I noticed that some of the men of the 1st cohort of the Thirteenth were getting pretty raunchy with some of the slave girls provided by Lupamama. I didn't want things to get out of hand, so I was keeping an eye on there...A pretty handful, those boys. LOL. If it hadn't been for Vorenus (who didn't drink that much at the wedding party, by the way), I couldn't have done it all with my drunk head.

Thanks, Grande, for giving me that final push to jump over that threshold with Eirene over my shoulder! LOL. That's just the kind of motivation you need then.

All of you, thanks for yer lovely gifts (yay! Even money was given! Thanks, IC!)!!!

Laurels, them flowers are lovely! Eirene gave them a special place in the center of our apartment. Great!

Wine! All those, who gave us wine, you're wonderful! That's my fav drink, next to the beer Aelf always pours in (called mead), the good whiskey Seme always serves (mmmh, goody!) and all them other liquors (e.g. Aqua Fennica)I got acquainted with last Saturday. It's good to live in AncientWorlds, yay!

Heraklia, yer MY goddess! That mastiff is the best! That good old boy, he's got my puppy dog eyes, Eirene says. She's in love with them, so you surely picked the right dog there! How can we thank you enuff, eh?

Topi, yer dancers are good fun! I think I'll keep 'em and place 'em somewhere! LOL

As you can see here, Eirene got squiffy during the wedding party and she wanted me to serve her, before the wedding night had even started. No problem with that. That sweet dove has never been a virgin in my sight and she's already pregnant, so we went for a little dark corner on the attic of our new apartment and had a very enervating private "conversation" there....LOL

I think Marduk's gift is really great, too! Now we suddenly have three dogs running around here. Now, I will need a guy I can yell to: "Hey you!(some slave name) Fetch the dogs!" LOL. They are still puppies and they look great, innit? Soon they will be big fierce animals that will proudly guard our home and my Eirene and me.

Grande, you looked GREAT will all that green on you! Just a copy of Bacchus! LOL. Good man!

Senex, thanks for yer wise words by that man Thomas Moore. Dunno who that is, but I can assure you that Eirene GOT HER MAN!!! LOL

All of you, who where there (aye, I could rant on about it forever!!!) and all of you who weren't, but sent their wishes, THANKS! On behalf of Eirene and meself: many THANKS!!!!

Oh! Tanaquil, you have brought some gifts, too? And WHAT kind of gifts!!! Vet functional, yeah, that's true, but I am sure Eirene will love that weaving machine and is that peace of shiny laundry for me??? Hmmm! Looks good. Won't wear it much, but...yer right, I might have to use it from time to time....(chuckles). Pullo a senator? Nah!!!! (Yucks)

Just one of the many gifts, by Shibori Murasaka of The Orient. Thanks, y'all!!!

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I?ve thought it through. I?ve never been so sure of anything in my life.

Pullo

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April 22nd MMVI: Pullo Memorial Day, a.k.a. The Wedding of Titus Pullo and Eirene! PART II:

Octavius! It's good to see you!

"I'm glad you could lift yourself out of bed at this early time, your honor. You see, Eirene and I- We can't wait any longer. We just want to get wed! So if you don't mind. All of us that matter are here now and when the ceremony is over we just stay here and have the others, who come later, join all the fun! At noon, we will then go over to our new insula, jump over the threshold and party!

Ah! Dear Lupa!!!! There you are! And you brought yer slaves with wine and snacks, for when the business is done here! Goody! My dear mother-in-stead, I love you so much for it!!!"

(Vorenus): "Now, shall we get on with it, then? It's rather windy out here and I don't want my daughters to catch a cold."

"You're right there, Vorenus! Lupa, would you please stand over here, then? And your honor, please come and do to us, whatever you need to do to get us wed. Where's Eirene? Oh. EIREEEENEEEE!!! Come here, my dove, you're going to get wed now."

(Eirene): "OH! Dear Titus, is it REALLY going to happen now? Ooohh!"

"Come here then, sweety. Stand here, next to me. Vorenus, you got them...eh..?"

(Vorenus secretly shows two gold rings to me in such way that Eirene can't see)

"Oi! I still miss someone. I know Caesar won't be able to make it so early, but I think it will be appropriate for all if we just waited a few more moments, until SignorGrande has arrived. He wouldn't like to miss this for the world! Hey! Mascius! Go get the Grande out of his nest, right!"

(Mascius runs off)

(to Octavius): "No worries, your honor. This will only take a few more moments."

(after some time, yay! SG hurries on to be with us)

(Octavius): "Now then. Can I have your attention, please?

(all hush up)

(Octavius): "I summon the gods of Rome, the Trias Capitolina, the Trias Aventina, all the ancient, traditional and foreign gods that protect the Sacred Res Publica Romana, to be with us and to favor us on this happy day. Immortal Gods, you see here before you, Titus Pullo, a citizen of Rome, and Eirene Pullonis Liberta, a citizen of Rome, who wish to be joined in the Holy Bond of Matrimony."

(Octavius raises his hands)

"Let there be happiness only flourishing in their home! Let them be everlastingly happy in their sacred wedlock and let their bond be fruitfull. May their wish for children be fulfilled many times!"

(Me): "You bet!"

(Octavius): "Titus Pullo and Eirene, you are here before the gods of Rome and all your beloved. Take eachothers hand under the veil and repeat to eachother after me: I am yours and will always love and honor you."

(Me, to Eirene): "Eirene, I am yours and I will always love and honor you."

(Eirene, to me): "Titus, I am yours and I will always love and honor you."

(Octavius): "Is there anyone present, who wishes to speak and have this marriage not take place? No one. So the gods say Aye and let all of us do also! Titus, take a ring and put it on Eirene's finger. Repeat after me: I will love and guide you, my Gaia."

(Me, putting the gold ring on her finger): I will love and guide you, my Eirene..eh...Gaia."

(Octavius): "Eirene, repeat after me: wherever you are Gaius, I will be Gaia."

(Eirene): "Wherever you are Gaius, I will be Gaia."

(Me): "But there's a ring for me, too! Don't give me the look, Vorenus. I know it isn't the custom. But I want to be ringed by Eirene, please. (looking at Octavius). Please?"

(Octavius): "Please."

(Me): "Please, Eirene, put the ring on my finger. It'll make me so happy."

(Eirene puts the gold ring on my finger. Yay!!!!!)

(Octavius): "What the gods and men united, let no man take apart. So be the will of the gods! You are now husband and wife."

(Me): YAAAAYYYYY!!!

(The Thirteenth): "YAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!! THIRTEEEENNTHHHHH!!!

(people):Feliciter! Feliciter! Congrats!!!!

And now...ON FOR THE PARTY!!!!!!!

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[Eirene,] come along if you like.

Pullo

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April 22nd MMVI: Pullo Memorial Day, a.k.a. The Wedding of Titus Pullo and Eirene!PART I:

Now THAT was a NIGHT! Louis, the whole first cohort (more than that wasn't allowed in, because authorities thought we were going to sack the city), Vorenus (who actually GOT pretty drunk!), a whole bunch of Suburan harlots (didn't I see Atia of the Julii hanging around a street corner, though, wanting to join the party, but restraining herself? LOL) and I, we had a whole LOT of FUN! I can't even remember all of it, actually.

I remember having been lifted up on a huge amphora and carried around the Porta Capena until my eyes were square and I felt really dizzy. At each round, there was another naked woman sitting on me. (rroarrr!!) People couldn't believe what they saw!

Then, they marched on with me, keeping my wine cup filled, of course! I saw every tavern and harlot place in various plebby hoods of our City and I partied until I dropped! After every tavern or harlot house round, they made me salute and go find some item that might please Eirene today....and I did that, until I got lost in them alleys and they had to send their blood hound (i.e. Vorenus) to search for me and bring me back.

So it was Vorenus who brought me home. Vorenus, of all people. Hmmmm, trustworthy man. He has his flaws, but...he can be trusted! That's right there.

Now, what time is it in AW (h*ll, my head hurts! I need some fresh water and boiled eggs...)? Hmmm, going on 5 am. 5 more hours to go before I get wed....That's a lot. Too many! Cac, I want to get married now! I can't wait! This is such fun!

So let's get out of the bed and wash up, shave up and put that reeking stuff on my face. They want me to smell like some sissy boy today, seems like. Ugh!

"Salve, Vorenus! Seems like you rescued me from the turd pipe last night, eh?"

-"That's true. You got it on quite badly last night.."

"Nah! In fact, it wasn't very much different from a regular Friday night, only....this time, some more people were around..(chuckles)."

-"So, what are you up to now?"

"Eh? What does it look like? I'm trying to wash up, get shaved, put them fancy clothes up me buttocks and go get Eirene. I want to get married. That was the plan today, right? Best man???"

(nodding) "Yes. You will get married today. But first, you must get clean, have breakfast and pray for the gods' good favour on this happy day."

"Whot?! Pray? Why, then? Today, I got one thing on the menu and that's getting married and all that comes with it!!! What's praying gotta do with it?! I mean, I hired Octavius for that. Let him do the parying job, HE's the pontifex, him."

-"Still, you must pray. For you are a man of many mistakes, Pullo."

"Yup. Know that. Still, I got no time for prayers! Gimme that knife, so I can shave."

-(sigh)

(sigh)

"So eh, Vorenus, I've been thinking, right, if I just got dressed up now, go over to Eirene, have her put on her nice wedding dress too, go over to Atia's house and wake up young Octavius and if we then could go over to the Agri Pontiaci and have it done then? I hate ceremonies, man. I want to party! And then retreat myself with Eirene and have us get the wedding night of our dreams!"

-"Ah! You can't do that! All those people you invited will get there in 5 hours, not right now! Why are you so quick about getting married, then?"

"Well, I want to have it over with! Then we will have more time to party!"

-"You ARE a sodden drunkard, you! A wedding is NOT just about a party!"

"I know, I know. I'm not stupid, you know. I just want to get thigs going, that's all. And mind you, I have been without my Eirene for TWO NIGHTS!!! (aarrgghh!!)"

"So you see, I'm eager to get married! Now, where's that tunica? And that toga thingy? Help me please, don't stand there like some cachead..."

-"ell, I'm pleased that you could get yourself up so early. Mostly, you're Laziness in its own person!"

"Yup! Can't sleep right now. I snored too much already last night!"

-"Stand still, so I can help you with your toga..."

"Never thought that I, too, would wear such a piece of white laundry one day. Dya think I look good in this?"

-"You look just fine, Pullo."

"Don't think so. I'd rather get wed in my army uniform..."

-"That can't happen, Pullo. Marriage is a civil matter."

"Cac. Oh well, too bad then. Right! I'm done! Come and let's get over to your insula."

We get over there as soon as we can to wake up Eirene. No need, she's awake already. She hasn't slept, she says. They made her wash dishes, do men's hair and clothing attire, Lupa hid her stirring spoon and made her look for it all day long. But they seem to have had some fun parts. Wine and men, you know. But she's not talking. She hushes up! Sweet Eirene! I know she will have had a wonderful time, yesterday! She will tell me all about it, tonight, in our nuptial bed, after some wine and a few m*mps....LOL

"Cac! Eirene, you're all set and ready to go! And my, do YOU look GOOD! Let's go and get wed now!!!

-"Oh! Yes, I want that too, Pullo. I haven't slept one bit last night. I am so excited! Yes, let's go get married right now. You like my dress and attire?"

"I like everything about you, sweety. You know that! I've seen and been with many woman, last night, but you are the best of 'em all!!!"

"Hey, Millius! Do me a favour, will ya, you @rsed up filler! You were supposed to look after me, eh? Well, if it hadn't been for Vorenus, I would float in the Tiber right now, on my way to Ostia and the rest of the crap world! Go get Lupamama, my beloved mother-in-stead! And make someone go over to Octavius and get his @rse over to the Agri Pontiaci in his pontifical attire! I want to get married! Wake up all those, who are supposed to be there. Eirene and I can't wait any longer!"

(Millius salutes and rushes out! Is that me, yelling orders at soldiers?? LOL)

To be continued...

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I?m not stupid. I just said she wants me.

Pullo

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April 20th MMVI: Such a community...

Oh, it's very easy to tread on someone's toes in Rome. And in AncientWorlds. Ahae! But it's not that bad this time. What has happened? Well, this. I am sitting in my local taberna, you know, like I do every day, chatting and drinking quite happily with my friends (Aelfie, Lulu, Mascius, Xtreemli and sometimes even Lucius Vorenus joins in) and what happens? A slave of the Pompeius family (haven't these people eradicated themselves after Magnus' defeat and death? Apparently some of 'em are still alive) comes up to me with a tablet, saying: "Why can women join in on the ritual pre-nuptial baths of Pullo and why can't men do the same on the ritual pre-nuptial baths of Eirene?" Signed: SignorGrande Romulus. Yup. I could have exspected that from him. Wants to get all the fun, eh? LOL

Of course, Vorenus, who happens to be sitting beside me in that taberna, starts lecturing me about these things. MEN at a woman's ritual pre-nuptial bath? Unheard of! Can't do that! No no, not done....(sigh). Sometimes, he just looks and talks like an old woman. Well, I have decided to do it my way. I tell this slave to listen up. I say: "Go and tell your master, that if he reads the time schedule tablet, hung on the Acta Diurna wall at the Forum, well, he will see that it doesn't say that men are NOT allowed! It does say, that several women will help Eirene, and that you are advised to stay indoors, not to spit or to whistle, men, but that EVERYONE can join to help! What else would he exspect me to say then? "Hey folks, Eirene's gonna take her last bath as an unmarried girl, so she'll be nekkid, so go get her!"??? Aw, can't do that, man. She's my BRIDE, for the sake of Dis! That wouldn't be nice, would it? So that's why I wrote it like that there. Somewhat cryptic, I agree to that, but what else can I do, eh? I don't want my sweety to be scared off, right? And, eh, women attending MY ritual pre-nuptial bath, now THAT's just part of the game, innit? Can you member all that and tell your master? Yes? Right. Off with you then, short arse of a short arsed master."

That's it then. I pick up my cup and drink on, happily. Vorenus looks at me, as if water is burning, as if Dis crept out of his Infernal Regions (LOL), as if.......Pluto were after him. He stands up, bows over to me and bangs his fist on the table (Ow! That must hurt.)!

"People like YOU, with manners like YOURS, will be the nail on Eternal Rome's coffin!" he yells.

"How so?" I say. "Does the ETERNAL City have a coffin, then, as if it could die? What's the point of it being ETERNAL, then?"

He doesn't listen. He walks off. (sigh) poor Vorenus. Never a moment of fun, never a laugh...yeah, occasionally. Mostly at something that I say. He can't be funny himself. Poor man. Hope he will get himself to come to my wedding. Or else, all Rome will be having fun, except him...

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Oh, also, very important, Vorenus, when you couple with her, there?s a spot just above her cunny, like a little button. Now, attend to that button; she will open up like a flower.

Pullo

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April 18th MMVI: Wedding Preps and....a good thrashing!

My wedding day is drawing near. Vorenus wants to know if I'm nervous. No, I'm not. I think I'm up to getting married. Eirene is up to it. But she's a young girl and she's getting all worked up and excited now. Good to see that. Very enjoyable. We're having a good time, the two of us. Vorenus, of course, still thinks that I'll be scared cacless on the morning of my wedding day. Just like he was. But he was just seventeen years old when he got married. And Niobe was just thirteen. No doubt that Vorenus was scared cacless back then. He didn't even know what being married was all about. He only worried himself sick about the responsibilities. He couldn't think of all the joy and the fun, him. He even didn't know what else that thingy down there between his legs was for except taking a leake.....Stupid cachead....Well, anyway, Pullo knows. Pullo has always known. And Eirene knows it too, yay!

So, I'm not scared. The only thing I'm a bit worried about is, that I will get SO DRUNK at the stag party that I will forget about it all and sleep through the whole wedding. My commilitones will have to take good care of me, then. They promised they will. Can they be trusted, though? If Vorenus is going to be around, yes. But will he be around? Oh well, anyway. I promised Eirene to be there in time and I will be there in time.

The community of Rome, that is to say: the collective of Roman citizens, took care of Eirene's dowry. Because she has no parents, they can't provide. Her former master could have been another option, but that's me. I'm not supposed to provide my own bride's dowry. So Roman Law Brain Scribe Maria Marius had some people collect money for Eirene's dowry from the people of Rome. Isn't that a nice and sweet gesture. She's not only very clever, but very sweet, too, that Scribe woman....Hmmmm, sweet as all women!

Another thing. For several days, I have been doing some exercises up on Vorenus' attic. Not that I needed to train my arms or anything, but my computer, that good old lady of mine, needed her half yearly thrashing. I was already over due, so she just ceased to obey me. That damn machine, so I had to teach her a good lesson. The Internet connection was going nuts and some other vital functions just quit. So I took her upstairs and beat her up for about four days. I only came down for a quick meal and some nice goodies with Eirene. After that I went up again. And after some days of good thrashing, bashing and beating her up, she's as good as NEW!!! Well, she doesn't look that good now, but...eh, she's a computer, innit? They don't need to look good, them. As long as they work. And actually, she needed her periodical beat up. She's performing like I just got her from the market. Ain't that great, huh?

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Oh, I don?t know. That only works if you keep at it. A good thrashing once or twice a day till they?re docile. But then they don?t look so good. Be a shame to mark up a beauty like her.

Pullo

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April 13th (!!!) MMVI: Lucky XIIIth!

Lucky XIIIth! To all of you! Just getting ready for my last ten days of bachelor life, happily struttin' along the Via Appia, enjoying my newly acquired fame and all that, and then I get this. Internet Connection Problems. Yaaaaaah! Not that nice, this. So, right before getting married, I will have to fight a lonely battle: the Battle of the Internet Connection. Was I just talking sweet Pullotalk with my lovely friend Lulu, there it was that I lost it. The connection! Damn! Bad timing that, too. How could this Internet god do such a thing? Gods are cruel sometimes. No, mism Cornellia, not you. You are as sweet as a goddess can ever be. You happen to have red hair, so you're above any doubt and suspicion. Nope, this god must be a male thing. Technical. Wired. Nah, not Jot. I'm talking of a god who IS around...(chuckles). Sorry mate. No offense meant.

Any road, I lost my talk with Lulu, that poor girl. She asked me to send her some stuff through email and that cost me about an hour to get through. The Battle of the Internet Connection. Bad battle, that. You can't bash any skulls, crack any limbs and yank out no teeth whatsoever. Soddy deal then. And you don't win anything. If you succeed, you just get back what you should have had all along: yer screen.

(sighs)

Oh well, then. I seem to be some kind of "back"-ish and so I think that I have kind of won this fight. On to something really important then: getting married. Eirene and I are up for some real FUN in here! The actual will happen on the 22nd of April, yeah, on Roman Springfest Day. Lady Laurels (a redhead, too!) has promised us a thread of our own, where we and all our friends can party until we drop and the Roman Community Cleaning Service (established by Caesar, who likes to live in and rule over a Tidy City, just like he always likes to command a Tidy Army; I'm his only exception, Dirty Pullo, a Lost Case) will clean us off and sweep us into the Tiber along with all the other turds (yup! It's me again!).

We will start a few days before the big Push Off (i.e. the Wedding), because the pontifex who has agreed to conduct the wedding ceremony, young Octavius, will have to do some serious practising on that bit, with some warming ups: several pre-nuptial baths (Eirene's and mine, of course) carried out by several good and good looking friends! There will be a stag party for me and a sort of "kitchen shower" (??? LOL) for Eirene. Lots of friends needed to help us drinking away our last unmarried hours! Orgy!!!!!!!! (I promise, though, we'll let our hair hang down, but keep our pants up; unless mism Cornellia isn't watching...And the other demis will be too drunk to judge us by then...LOL).

Sounds like a good program, eh? Of course, the Wedding itself will be quite early (10 am AWT) and the party will start at noon AWT, so that we can party the whole day and night, as said, until we drop!

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Thirteenth Forever, eh?

Pullo

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April 10th MMVI: Some peace of mind or....time for a new fight?

E'ou! It seems that SignorGrande and I can talk reasonably about the better things of life in ancient and more modern times: women...I mean, without cussing at eachother all the time. I thought of him as a silly jealous bastard, but I think I was wrong for once there. Usually, Vorenus is wrong for once, but now I was, too. And yeah, he was too, of course. He's always wrong for once, him. Silly sod. Still and all, SG still is what he looks like, a funny geezer in a good looking suit. Armani, says he. I told Eirene: SG walks around in laundry called Armani. She almost lost it there, screaming, yelling, panting....What's up with women when they hear of clothes with a name?? It's not a shift from men with a big name, making them pant and all wetty, to clothes with a name, making them pant and all....Eh? I mean...CLOTHES! What can be so irritatingly interesting about men's clothes??? Any road, I think I will never understand this. It's the real package that matters in the end, says Pullo. What's underneath them clothes. And that's what it is!

Eirene is glad that BIG and I (bigger!) made our private peace before the wedding, so there won't be any faul ups, people getting to get mad, banging some heads and having to go to jail. Yay, she's talking about me there. (sighs) Titus Pullo is known for blowing it right there when he should keep up his high spirits. I promised her, there will be no fights....But somehow, I feel something new in the air: a new Spring, a new Sound....a new Fight?

Here's to Ray again, the bloke who plays me so well in the "ROME" series!!!

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Well, we?re famous, aren?t we? Heroes. Songs. Plays. Pictures on walls, eh? Uh, you, you are a slow one, you, aren?t you? Women. Women. Hey, they like nothing better than a man with a big name.

Pullo

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April 7th MMVI: Wise up then...

That's my message for all of you today, people. Especially for my friendly enemy SignorGrande Romulus. Actually, that should be (CENSORED) Pompeius, but I have promised the ladies, Eirene and Lady Lulu, not to give in to any more verbal battles. Eirene gets bloody annoyed by them and she's nervous because of her upcoming wedding and her pregnancy. And don't you be thinking, you mr. BIG, that YOU are the one who made it! My Eirene told me that it was ME and she is ever so happy about it. By the way, Lulu is getting a bit tired of it, too. If you are a man and worthy of yer nice looking black and white suit, stick to yer brand then and I'll stick to mine. Let's only swap ladies if it doesn't annoy them, eh? And don't talk of wedding bells to Eirene either. Getting married once is already enuff for her, that sweet little thing. I guess Lady Lulu wouldn't like that either, eh?

Right! Enuff of that boy stuff. Back to business again: of course, I have been working hard between lady spells. Lady Cal needs protection every day and young Octavius still gets his lessons every two weeks. We happen to get 'em outdoors more frequently after his experience in that cat house with the little titty girl Egeria. He kinda likes it now. Still frowns when we get out of the house and tells me he doesn't like it, but he does. Here's a guy that can get wet as October, hahae! And it pleases his mother too.

My new apartment in the Subura is about ready. Wow, does that look nice! I bet even mr. BIGGIE would love to live here, but I have to disappoint him. Soon the place will be crowded with little Pullos and Eirenes (doesn't matter where they come from) and we will have to get moving to a bigger place! LOL, I hope so! But our wedding night will be here. And I WILL DO THE HONORS!!! Yay!

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Pompey Magnus. Than man looks exactly like Pompey Magnus. That?s why I thought I?d met him.

Pullo

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April 5th MMVI: Songs for Pullo and a false note...

Yup! Four songs in Praise of Pullo have been written and recorded so far and I thought it would be about time to create a special page on the Pullo Pages for them:

SONGS IN PRAISE OF TITVS PVLLO

Yup!

Mighty proud, I am! Of course, all of this could not have happened, if the lovely ladies had not scribbled their Pullo Fantasies down on the papyrus scrolls and grabbed a microphone to yell it all into! I am ever so grateful and so is Eirene. Well, yeah...she did one of the ditties, I know. The very first one! Always so lovely, ain't she?

Oh. There's another thing. I have a second "friendly" enemy. An "inimicus". Yup. It's that cad Lady Lulu likes to favour. Well, that's up to her, innit? That sweet lady! But that cad she favours seems to be quite good at the badmouthedness, if I may put it so. This friendly foe, this SignorGrande Romulus, calls himself a grandson of Pompeius Magnus...You know, these people who can't seem to write their own name the proper way. But that's not all and surely not the worst part! This cunning cad is well equipped in verbal abuse and so am I. He always tells me I'm a wuss. And so do I to him. Vorenus says, that both of us, SignorGrande and I, are crankingly mad. What of it? We ARE!! That's the whole fun of it! Any details about the verbal abuse you want, eh? Well, if you are online and see him or me, gram us and see for yerself. Of course, the geezer is tickling my precious private bits with his rantings. The loon. Doesn't seem to have anything better to do. I don't care about his big bad mouth, that magnificent sick-o, but I rather talk sweet with the ladies. Gets me laid. Don't wanna get laid big that big hairy rant....Nah, sir. Men in yer bed, that must pretty much suck...

So, mister BIG, if you happen to be reading this: the message below is for you, mate!

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M*mp off and die, pigf*cker.

Pullo

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April 3rd MMVI: Am I being bought??!!

A hot issue. Yup. Seems to be another hot issue, then. I keep people busy, seems like. What else is there to do than follow Titus Pullo's @ss to the very core of his existeence and then think you might know the guy? Well, let me tell you this.

When Pullo tells you that something's spinning off, he doesn't mean that people bought him, own him, can toss him around and play with his feelings. No m*mpin' way they don't! There's no reason for them to do so. Titus Pullo is the least mighty man around Rome. Power Play? Nah....No power, thanks very much, only play. Lots of play!

People might think that when people give gifts to a bloke like me or another pleb down below the bottom end of society, they might own him. What's there to own then? Eh? Only my vote. Well, I don't give a damn about politics anyway, it's just one cac head for another. I happen to like Caesar as a leader, because I get the impression that a bit more bread is coming on people's tables now and that it's good bread, this. And the wine is better, too. But these big guys come and go. Rome, though, is here to stay. Rome is like the Thirteenth, Forever. At least, that what you might expect. So, please, ladies and gents, let's cut the cr*p about Pullo hurting any feelings by accepting gifts from certain angles or about Pullo making people jealous. No one's to be hurt and no one's to be jealous. All I can say, is that I'm just a happy, merry, cheerful brutish bloke, who wants to keep everyone happy, 'specially the lovely ladies and most of all: his Eirene, his sweet love in life! People can't seem to grasp that. Are they even more out of brain than me??! Nah, that can't be! I'm the most brainless bloke around here, but what I DO have is a heart. Don't tread on it, folks! And don't speak of the Thirteenth, either. That could end up m*mping badly for ya.

Bene, then, lovelies! No fussing about who might have bought whom or who might have been hurt, eh? Don't let me hear it, because Pullo's only for sale at the Slave-for-one-day market at Springfest, and that's only because that money is for a good cause and not for any optimate fat cat in the City!

So there now, my lovelies, calm yer stomach. It isn't as bad as it seems, eh? Sleep well and dream of me, if you will. Or of any other infantry man of the Thirteenth. Will keep ya happy until I'll be around again, eh?

(sighs) So many nice women and only one Pullo....

Sometimes I get into this kind of cac, but only for a short time and mostly, I myself am to blame for it. Who the heck would buy me into this, eh?

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No cac head has ever bought Titus Pullo's heart...

Pullo

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March 29th MMVI: WHAAATT????

Something's spinning off here. Hmmm, shouldn't say it like that. I should say: Fortune's pouring her delicious wine just right into me! Yay! Well, what has happened?

First of all, things between me and Eirene are just like peas and carrots, if I may say so. She has started to develop these strange eating habits, combining the most odd foods together in one bowl....Old women around her say that she might be pregnant and now she tells me her floods haven't come!! So my sweet little Eirene IS pregnant!!!! And she told me that it was the Pullo m*mp that did it! Yay!!!!!! Pullo's gonna be a daddy!

Secondly, and now hear this: Pullo has been endowed with patronship! A lady friend and admirer (what else, eh?) gave this patronship to me as a wedding present! Gods! There are lovely people in this world and their name is Woman! That's a true fact. Some men really don't understand it, but I do! I'm so happy today......(sighs). Let Eirene and Niobe faint...Let Vorenus get his heart attack! And let the whole m*mpin' Thirteenth jump for joy, Mascius up front! LOL

Thank you madam! I'm not gonna reveal yer name, but I do want to say that Greece is the loveliest place in the world!

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British women, now that's savage c****y. Have to hunt 'em down like deer. Might onec you have them under you...Slack as your best Narbo Scortum.

Pullo

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March 27th, MMVI: Eirene's Journal is up!

Right! I told you I would be quick about it? Now that I'm working my @ss off in two jobs and getting that m*mpin' apartment ready in time with all those blokes watching Eirene's bum more than working, I might say that I'm in the right mood to just go on until I drop. Well, drop into my fav caupona for a drink that is.....Last night, I met some old veteran boys of the Thirteenth and we had some nice drinks and heaveled up old memories of our fighting days in Gaul (how many times I got beaten up by my centuriones, etcetera...). So when I woke up (yucks! again!) I went home and kissed my lovely Eirene goodmorning and told her the breaking news:

First of all, my sweet Eirene's Journal is up and running now! As soon as she heard that, she grabbed a piece of waxed wood and a stylus and started scribbling...Isn't she industrious, my sweet pumpkin? (chuckles). And of course, she kissed me on the cheek first to thank me for that nice little gift.

Then there was this other thingy. You see, I had to tell Eirene, that I bribed someone in Rome. Of course, in this City, it's not a big thing. People bribe eachother all the time. But now, with all this wine in my gob and feeling a bit chewed up, I felt I had to tell her this. A husband to be can better start being honest to his dear little wife, eh? So, I told her that I bribed a women, no, a lady, named.....eh.....Dis Infernal, am I bad with names!....Well, anyway, this woman of high rank, to be awarded some prize in some contest and I couldn't even remember which one....Something dealing with homes or anything.....Can't remember that well....I have been in quite a few stag parties lately and, hey, can I help getting into these things, eh? They just happen to me! People come up to me in the street and invite me for a drink and before you know it, Pullo is lying on the caupona floor again...drunk...all gobbed up. Buried under piles of drunk bodies...legionaries, veterans, whores....Every frippin' night! I sometimes wonder how Eirene can handle this and keep up with it....Yuck.

So now Eirene started to be a bit worried, because if I bribed someone, I might get caught for it. To be honest, I myself hadn't gone that far thinking yet. She always says she's not a great thinker, but still, she gobbed that out, while I was still figuring out which cocktail had been my last one. There defintely had been some spleen in it. Yuck. But she hurried out to get to that...eh...woman...which I must have bribed for that contest and asked her if it would be alright if her dear Titus would not be picked up and would not be put in jail for it, because he was soon to marry her dear little self? Oh....Could a man ask more of a woman than this? That she runs up to people and asks for mercy on his behalf?? Well, I guess the lady must have reassured my sweet Eirene, because she came back, all smiling and happy. I was to stay loose and to live, and even to marry my little Eirene....So that's what I told her. I told her so. Bribery is allowed in Rome, says I. People do that all the time. No need to worry and get upset and all gooey inside....But then again, I love it! I love it when she does that, making amends on my behalf. Then I know she loves me and that she's wet as October!

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Three hours away from a wife he hasn't seen in eight years. The man's terrified.

Pullo

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March, 24th MMVI: Enter Eirene!

Yup! She up! My sweet little Eirene finally got her own little corner in this Roman World, in this great community AncientWorlds! And how lovely it is! We are, of course, still living in our very tiny shack that Vorenus just gave us , because no one else wanted it. And how many lovely hours have we spent here, Eirene and I! Now that I think of it, I am surely gonna miss this small place, when we have moved over to our Suburan Insula apartment....It's just a few blocks away and I know that we will visit the Voreni often, but still: we will have to get used to the space we will have there!!! And Eirene's little corner will grow too, I am sure. Before the big wedding and moving day arrives, we will still be in here....Good.....I still like it here, although it's about time to move and get a life of our own. Want to see what Eirene's place looks like? Well, it's

HERE!

I smooched it up a bit, because it was a mess. My fault. While Eirene was at the market with the Voreni girls, I came in and cooked me some milk.....Well, you can imagine what happens when Pullo uses the kitchen....Bomb disaster! A pyrobolium atomicum is nothing compared to that...

By the way, my lovely Eirene wrote me a song, an "Ode to Titus Pullo". It was put on the Pullo Art Page and recorded by Tanaquil Sergius, who sang it as well.....Hmmmmm, isn't that lovely? An ode to me! Yay.......

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I knew you?d hit the jugular.

Pullo

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March, 21st MMVI: Ladies getting worried??

Next month it will happen: Pullo is getting hooked and hitched by his lovely Eirene. Sometimes, I can't sleep because of it. So many women have sent me messages, emails, flowers, pieces of meat and amphorae of wine. People have congratulated me...I have found me a nice apartment in the Subura, which is being painted and furnished now and it seems that Pullo, who has been a drifter for the largest part of his life, is going to become a settled man now, with a decent place to live, a decent wife, some decent kids and a decent job.....

I have also had many messages from women who are afraid that they will lose me forever, messages drenched in tears. Sometimes, when I can't sleep, I go upon the roof and watch the stars, trying to focus on one or two of them and getting to fall asleep that way. Then, when I listen very carefully, I can hear a woman crying as she lies alone in her bed or next to a man she doesn't love....and calling out my name. I can hear women crying my name by night!

(sighs)

Although my Eirene and I have wholeheartedly agreed on an open relationship and an open marriage, many people don't seem to understand...

Dear ladies,

There is no reason for you to think that you would lose Pullo after his wedding. No reason at all. See, I might be swapping my shack for an apartment and my drifting soldier life for a married life, but that doesn't imply that I can't have any fun? Fun is the key to any life and Eirene knows that as well as I do!

Ladies (and gentlemen!), don't you be thinking that I finally have concluded that the life Vorenus is leading is the right life for me as well! A life with only one woman! Hahae! Think of it: Pullo and ONLY ONE WOMAN! No go, folks. It cannot be. Think of all those nice young boys around Lower Aventine, who can't get a cup of wine, a nutch and a wink from that sweet girl Eirene anymore?? What would become of them, eh?

And still, everyone will know: Pullo and Eirene will stay to be those nice, young, cheerful, plebby folks they have always been, yet, they have pledged their eternal love to one another and no one can change that! I will still be a sloppy petty pleb and don't you be thinking that a marriage will change that and the only thing Eirene can really cook will be porridge, so for the rest we will have to hire or buy a slave cook, and don't you be thinking that a marriage will change that either.

Yes, of course, there will be little Pullos and Eirenes in due time, I am even planning to make a whole legion of them if it's alright with my Eirene, but don't you be thinking that these little ones wouldn't have come if we were NOT going to get wed.....Ahae! Don't you ever be thinking this!

Yay....Of course, we will stay the same people....of course! But member this, dear ladies: Eirene will be Eirene Pullonis, Pullo's Eirene, and Pullo will belong to his Eirene, like all of you dearies belong to me and I, my dearies, to you....

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Smells like old times.

Pullo

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March, 16th, MMVI: The day after the Ides of March...

When it happened the first time, I wasn't there. I was out with Eirene in the countryside, to visit the shrine of Rusina (i.e. big fat earth mother type goddess) in the fields to the South of Rome. I wanted to sacrifice some stuff there and ask the good old goddess for redemption for all the gruel sins I had committed up till then. Good thing to do once every so many time, eh? Right, when Pullo leaves town for a day, the cac hits the fan: Caesar gets killed! Gerrae! No, really. I could bang my head against the Servian Wall for that. Eirene told me later: "I shouldn't have let you go and neither should I have gone with you, Pullo. If I would have stayed home, you probably would have, too. And then you might have had a chance to jump in and kill those optimate bastards." See, Eirene know our words now and she's already starting to talk pleb legionary talk, like me. She was probably right. If she wouldn't have come with me, I wouldn't have gone that day, too. But that's aftermath crap. We went. And as we came back, everybody was crying. Every-frippin'-body. And as soon as I heard what had happened, I thought: "Gods! These damn crooks really went for it! And for why? Why? Caesar had let them live...Was it just so that they could kill HIM off? Bastards!" I started bashing my head against the Servian Wall and did that every year after that, on the Ides of March. Just my way of honoring great Caesar, you know. And reminding me, that I should been there with him, beside him, defending him. And I didn't!!!

Stop talking sob talk now, Pullo. There finally was a way out of it! As you can see in my previous journal entry, AW was redoing the whole affair again, now that the Ides passed for the 2050th time. Have I been bashing my head against a wall for 2049 frippin' years now? YES! Wew, am I glad we could redo the whole thing, man. That we could take revenge...all the loyalists of Caesar who showed up and were there! Man, there really was many of us! And we DID it! We saved our glorious imperator and dictator, our famous and great Caesar. The first to come out and win the prize was my good and loyal drinking brother and fellow warrior of the Saxon blood Aelfwine Scylding!!!

Yay!!!!! YAAAAAAAYYYY!!! You did it, Aelf! You saved Caesar's head and won to the glory of Rome and the Julii! You turned the tide after 2049 frippin' years, man! Great! The "what if...?" has finally come through! No more bashing the head against the wall for Pullo, no sir! My my, I can finally get on with my life, get well jobbed, well coined, well wed and......have some little Pullos and Eirenes!! Yay! And all because of our joined effort to save Caesar and because of Aelfwine winning the first prize in this endeavour! IClaudius Antonius and Leela Antonius, you did a good job as well! You saved Caesar proudly and cunningly! Together with Aelfie's efforts, your force and cunningness won't be forgotten! Titus Pullo talks of you i his journals, which might well become the classic fun literature of ages to come! Titus fought by your side and thanks you for all your great work!

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I?ll be quiet as death next time...

Pullo

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March, 13th, MMVI: Happy Thirteenth!!!

Yes, that's what legionaries of the Thirteenth Gallic Legion are supposed to wish one another on every Thirteenth of the month. Not that the thirteenth is an unlucky number...It seems to be so in more modern times and that seems to be attached to the fate of more modern warriors, but in my good old ancient Rome, thirteen isn't yet considered somethig that bad...at least, not as far as I know....

What's been happening around here lately, eh? Yes! I redecorated my home once again, and this time I did it all on my very own self, yes sir! Isn't it looking great? Well, it might need some more improvements, but I'm very happy with it and Eirene also feels like living in a real place at last....No more stinking socks around here. But Eirene's cleanliness and Pullo's army green. Yes, SignorGrande, it's army green...not some vague and suspicious color, as you named it. Army green, if you happen to know what that is, you heroic descendant of Pompeius Magnus, you! LOL

I did the "Ides of March" Game, today. Yes, I did. It was difficult. The rules looked like Roman Law and if there is anything more boring than that (being Roman Law, for those who are already falling asleep), I'll pluck the hair out an part of my body I shall not explicit any further....I might get banned for that, heheh! But any road, I did the game and emailed my results to those knowing the answers and we will see what happens. I am a loyalist, though. I might now be as reliable as some are (like Vorenus), but I'm a Caesar loyalist to boot. He's my man, not only because he is such a good general and such a cunning politician (you never know what his next move will be!), but also because he is a hero in many ways, especially with the ladies! We share a queen together, didn't you know....and a baby boy, according to some.....Spoils of War, you can call it. Yes, that's it, man. Spoils of War, yay!

So, go ahead and be brave at the game! And if you need a diversion, just peek into Lupamama's young couples to be wed shoppe (or: her second journal), to have a good laugh: even Cleo sent something nice from Alexandria. I hope she can be at my wedding!!! (Y-y-yaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy!!!!!)

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I was only obeying orders. Bloody good orders, too!

Pullo

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March 9th, MMVI: Gifts keep pouring in!

People really keep track with Pullo and Eirene, the loveliest couple the Lower Aventine has seen in years! I bet we're the loveliest couple ever since Lucius Vorenus and Niobe got married. And wasn't that AGES ago??? Dis Infernal, they are already playing the grandpa and grandma part here....It's about time for a new wedding fairy tale on this streets, I can tell you.

Lovely Xtreemli tapped on the door of my shack to deliver a very special present! An engagement ring. Well now, what's that, I first thought. She left a note with it saying that it is a definite must in Rome these days. Hmph. Not down our ways, it ain't. But the present is a very nice gold ring, roughly made, like it could have been the work of my own big brutish hands, yet it is gold and a precious stone and it's meant for lovely Eirene to be given to her as an engagement ring.....a ring that tells her, that she will be my wife! Aaahhh! Ain't that wonderful, the lot of you??? Plebs have their own down below ways of doing things, but they are plebs and no one really cares about what they do, so I, as Rome's prime Pleb that I am now, can make this engagement ring thingy a tradition in my own family, which is about to be started off soon! So, here it is, folks! My engagement ring for Eirene, a gift by Lady Xtreemli (the dove!):

Pretty, eh?

So, now I'm getting out of my shack door and look for Eirene in the Insula Courtyard. Ah, there she is, tapping water, as always.

Pullo: Eirene, come here, I want to talk to you.

Eirene: Here I am, master Pullo, what is it you want from me?

Pullo: Ah, please, don't call me "master". It seems so formal. And remember, you're not my slave anymore.

Eirene: Yes, that's true. Forgive me. Can I get you anything? Water? Wine? Porridge?

Pullo: No. No, please, just stay here and listen. I've got something really important to tell you. Do you remember I was talking about marriage the other day?

Eirene: (thinking) Eh...yes?

Pullo: And do you remember what I then asked you?

Eirene: Eh...yes? You asked me if I would like to marry you.

Pullo: Ahae! Yes! And do you still remember what you said then?

Eirene: (thinking again) Eh.....I think....I said "Yes, I would like that."

Pullo: Thank You, Apollo! She still remembers! (Panting heavily). So...Eirene..would you mind if I asked you that question again, but then.....a bit more formally?

Eirene: (lifting up her eyebrows) Formally? What's that?

Pullo: (kneeling down and unfolding a small linen package and holding up a beautiful, yet brutish made gold ring with a stone in the center).

Pullo: Eirene, my dove, will you marry me?

Eirene: (a bit baffled and red in the cheeks) Oh! Eh......Yes. I think...I already said so...Yes, I guess so.

Pullo: E'ou! Macte! Please, take this ring as a token of our engagement! Please?

Eirene: ??????????

Pullo: Please, Eirene. Take the ring. It's yours. Please, put it on your finger. Oh...there...let me do it.

Eirene: (Now panting heavily) Oh! Ooooh! It's so beautiful! Thank you, master....eh! I mean: thank you, Pullo!!

Pullo: (puts the ring on Eirene's right middle finger and makes it fit snugly) There now. Oh! Look at you...You look beautiful with this ring! Oh, Eirene, my dove, you will be my wife!! I am the happiest man in the whole Thirteenth Legion, in all of Rome, in th whole wide world!!!

Eirene: I am very happy for you too, Pullo.

Pullo: For me???

Eirene: (sitting down on Pullo's lap) I'm very happy too, Pullo, my darling.

Pullo: Ahae! We'll be the happiest married couple in Rome soon! That ring looks rough and brutish, because it's a gift from a brutish, yet cheerful man. But it's also made of gold and precious stone, exactly like the feelings I have for you, my dove....

Eirene: Snifff!

Pullo: Oh....my sweet love....

Pullo and Eirene: (they kiss eachother)

Citizens of the Lower Aventine: *cheer!!!!*

That's about how things go, when I ask someone to marry me. Hopefully, it will be only once. I really love Eirene and I want her to have my children....or something like it.....And I hate the bloody tabloids!

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Look, I?ve? I?ve been feeling strange and, and low, and empty these last months and? Anyway, I puzzled it out and I realized what it was. I love Eirene. I love her and want her to bear my children and be my wife and?

Pullo

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March 7th, MMVI: Never leave the City again???

My my! If you are following the big setup Lupa is making of the oncoming marriage of Eirene and myself, and if you'd only knew howmany people are contributing to this??? (sighs) All kinds of nice people, known and fairly unknown to me. Nowadays, there is no day passing without Eirene screaming for sheer joy, because of all the nice things people are giving to us. All these nice gifts and things, all those nice and well meant words....People are really happy for us. They are really happy that old Pullo finally got hitched by a girl, eh? Yes, and they should be.

I think.....I guess, I should never leave the City again. Once I thought the City was no place for me and that I should free Eirene off, take off to the countryside and marry her. It all took a bit of a different turn, but what was there to say? I really thought I had it figured out by then. I really wanted to get some peace of mind, live in the open, fresh air, quietly, with my girl, make her my wife and have some kids. But now, it all now turned out for the better inside the City. This is where the action is. And Titus Pullo is a man of action. So, take me where the action is and if it's the City, well then, let it be the City then.

Ahhhhh, I should be looking for a nice house as well. So much furniture and stuff offered and no nice house to put it all in. You know, Caesar had to banish a few of those Republican brats, who didn't want him up there. They sort of left, or they were just seen off or something. I don't know. Some of their houses are empty now and maybe I could get me one? It doesn't have to be a big house, because me and Eirene, we don't need much space, us. Except for when the little ones start coming and they get many. But who then worries, then cares. So, a small house, somewhere in the Subura might do. First, we have to see if we already got enough money for our wedding and then I will look for a nice small house. Eirene is saving our money like a mouse working to get the harvest in for hibernation. I only get 5 sestertii of drinking money a day. Ah well, that's enough anyway. Most of the drinks I get for free these days. And it's GOOD wine too, for a change. Or would ya think Caesar serves bad wine in his house, or the product of the sons of pissdrinking circus whores??

I wouldn't think so!

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I?m doing fine. Plenty of irons in the fire.

Pullo

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March 1st, MMVI: So many new things!

Where do I start? Where Vorenus was complaining to me yesterday that I only write about my collection of women, there are much different things I can write about today. New month, new forecasts, new topics, eh? Yet, what happened to me and my outfit here yesterday was quite ramarkable, yeah, outstanding even. (Sighs) Where to start? Let me work up my brain (or what's left of it) for one moment here....

Ah, yes. Lupamama again....that woman keeps doing wonderful things. She really reads my dribble, you know. And what did she read in particular? That I am planning to marry Eirene. But she knows me well, you see. I've not only a hole in my head, I got one in my hand as well. Once I make the dough, I lose it again (to wine, broads and dice) and Lupa wouldn't be a good mother (and she IS!) if she would just trust me giving the key of my treasury to Eirene and leave it to that. She knows well that I know where Eirene keeps her treasury keys, or any other keys for that matter! LOL! She knows, she is a woman...So, she doesn't trust this so called "wise act". So, she decided to lend me a real helping hand. She created a complete new journal, just to help me and little Eirene out, so that we can get married soon. It's here and it's called "Helping Out The Young Ones". Isn't it GREAT?! Yay! What can I say? People are so good to me here.

And there is this thingy, I came across called "Interesting Homes of AW", governed and hosted by the divine Gyppo Princess Lotus Horemheb. She is not only a Scribe in Ancient Worlds, but also quite good with this thing I really can't grasp: html coding. Must have missed something again when I was having a cr....eh, sitting in the latrina. I joined the Interesting Homes Ring, so you can see me there as well, showing off my den getting fuller than ever! LOL

On the thingy where I am nowadays posting my thingies (argh! I mean: the environment where my journal is now) I found something called a counter. So I installed it. Some things are really too easy, you know. And other things are hard. Getting around with some machines...and some people....Oh aye. Life is hard sometimes. And then you die. That's what me old mother used to say, when I was still a plopping baby...LOL

There's some other contest coming along (Springfest is in the Air, so it seems), another home contest and a lovely lady, of course, called Lucrezia B. has asked and invited me to join this. Well, why not, eh? Life is fun sometimes as well. She said that my den is certainly not too lewd for the contest. Oh well, that's nice. Wouldn't have changed it anyway, thanks very much. Pullo's den is just Pullo's den and it's what I call home, so: why change a thing, eh?

By the way, this Lucrezia lady has given me a priceless gift already and I must not forget to drop off a barrel of Belgian beer at her doorstep for it. She gave me a nice Latin motto. Why others haven't thought of that?

"AVT PVLLO AVT NIHIL"

Isn't that pretty, folks? It IS, innit? I'm real proud. Makes me look like I really am somebody. Yay!

Thanks, Lucrezia, I won't forget...

I couldn't resist the "moves" lady Xtreemli Curius played on me any longer. With her well known vim and verve and cunning long legged retorics, she lured me into joining an Ancient Worlds Group! Yes, I joined a group. I had almost vowed not to join any more thing after having joined the Thirteenth (because Thirteenth is Forever!), but now that I have decided to get finally hooked onto the love of my life (being Eirene) and marry her, I might as well not hold onto this kind of vow and join a group. This group is called "I,Claudius" and it's big fun, knowing some of their members, LOL!

What else is there to tell you? Oh!!!! Ha! This is fun! And great, too! You must see this! It's a gift from Lupamama, by the way. Oh, these ladies can't get enuff of me, it seems.

Her cunning craft is gonna get me so FAMOUS! More famous even than the mural bill board campaign after Vorenus and I killed off all those gladiator bastards. Thanks again, Lupa!

And finally, there is the Lady Tanaquil. That woman is sooooo clever! She is collecting all my rants in the ROME series and translating them into my native language, Latin. And thus, these thingies are being presented online as

THE WISDOM OF TITVS PVLLO

I just don't know what to say.....I'm just stupified. I must have forgotten some nice wink or word given to me by a nice woman yesterday.....Yesterday was so full of surprises! I'm just sitting here in my veteran's den, writing this, little Lucius Vorenus scurrying around me, playing with my pencils. And grandfather Vorenus is keeping and eye on him, preventing him to put a pencil in his mouth...and keeping an eye on me, to keep me walking IN and not NEXT to my sandals...LOL. Heheh, the man is seething out of envy! Heheh!

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Unwise and unfriendly, I call it. Unwise and unfriendly. And for why? Why? We had him. We had him. Horses ? never mind horses. Never mind gold. Caesar would?ve given us farms and fields and orchards and great flocks of slaves and cattle and Dis knows what...

Pullo

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February 28th, MMVI: Famous Roman women on Lupamama's cards

People in the neighborhood tell me that I shouldn't stick to one subject too much. They are right, probably. Alright, this is the last time that I will write about this for weeks to come. Vorenus says, that I should think of other, new things to write about. He's probably right. I hope I can keep up my wit, though....Or else I will just scram his advice and get back to my good old rants about foods, fights and females, that I love so much...

My last entry showed a card with me on it. And a damn good card it is! But Lupamama's art goes way further! She made a card for every frickin' feature in the whole ROME series, even for those who didn't appear or where missing in action. That happens, eh?

I would like to show you some women I have come across in my life and which mean a great deal to me. Some are admirers, some are admired by myself and others are just employers and very dear ladies, you know, the kind a big ugly brute like me should not come too near, because that wouldn't be appropriate (says Vorenus. Sigh. That man is so boringly decent!!!).

First of all there is Eirene, of course. My very own little, sweet dove! She is on top of every list I make. Sometimes I do make 'em, lists. So as to not forget important things. She's always on top of those lists, Eirene.....I forgot her once (in episode V) and I still regret that. If I ever do that again, they may well chop my head off, because it'll be just a skull with no content by then. So help me the gods.

There she is, lovely as ever. Actually, the person she's looking at there, is me. Lupa cut me off there. That's well done then, because the most beautiful of us two is Eirene anyway. She has this nice and beautiful hair, which reminds me of my mother's. And her eyes remind me of my mother's eyes as well, only my mother had pure grey eyes, just like I do. But still, my little dove reminds me of my mother and that's what makes me love her and makes me calm and peaceful. But whoever wants to touch or hurt my sweet Eirene will have it now! So be warned, ye men!

Who else is there? Oh yes, that lady I am working for now. Calpurnia. She is ever so scared that I won't be able to guard and protect her completely. I can imagine, the poor soul, that poor little dove. They got her scared cac-less that day when they invaded her lectica. Those devils! But I assured here that nothing will happen to her anymore, now that Titus Pullo is here to guard her. The only thing she will have to do is lay down, make herself comfy and think of all those things she is about to do in the City: conduct her business as a chief priestess in the Minerva temple, visit the Vestal Virgins and all that sort of things. She's quite a social lady, but like I said, most of the time, people come to visit her. How I love it then, to stand against the wall behind her in the tablinum and watch out for nasty behaviour of some men who are visiting her. And when it gets too crowdy and the lady gets bored with this, she will only have to cast her eyes upon me and I will step forward, wave my big arms and shout: "OUT!!!" That does the trick, usually.

Then there is a lady, who didn't appear in the series, which is too bad, because she is believed to be a h*ll of a woman! I am talking about Marcus Antonius' wife, Fulvia. She must be one of the most remarkable women in Rome, since Marcus Antonius finds her irresistable enough to be married to her. And we all know how much he gets distracted by all kinds of specimens of the other sex, ahae!! And she must be tough enough to keep up with him and his way of life, which is, and I must second Vorenus in that, quite odd. She must share her husband with a whore and a dwarf. Well, which nice and well to do Roman lady would do that? Fulvia, obviously.

I guess that all tough ladies in Rome have to bow their heads to Atia. She's Caesar's niece and I guess he's not that proud of her, but he also wants to keep his hands clean off her. She is one of my former employers. She asked me to come to her house once every so many days and to teach her son Octavius how to fight, get him around things like soldier camaraderie, whore houses and such....It's a bit odd as well, but the boy was very pleased with me, so pleased that he still is, so to say. I just kept the whore house story away from Vorenus, because he wouldn't understand that anyway. He doesn't understand much, him. It's just his way.

This is her. Good looking and all that, but not quite the kind of lady for a bloke like me to mess around with. I like to call her "madam" and keep my distance...That's it. But she surely is a nice dove to look at, eh?

Of course, there are queens and princesses I got acquainted with. Niobe, Vorenus wife, as we all know, is the genuine queen of the Lower Aventine. Man, she's a goddess! And a swift mouthed one, too! I once said to her: "Marry me, goddess!" and she had her answer ready like that. Hahae! But she's a dear. And a good mother and cook as well. Only, she does have her secrets as well......Eh?

Vorenus loves her, but he doesn't know half how lucky he is!

And there, of course, is princess Cleopatra, the Gyppo Princess! Gods, how could Vorenus resist HER?? That living specimen of female divinity? He must have a concrete penis, the turd! How could he say NO to a lovely creature like THIS??? I still can't grasp it. Well, I can't say NO to this, you probably will understand. And how lovely and skilled she is....YAY!!!

There she is, the goddess. And that little geezer next to her, well....she claims that Caesar fathered it, but I know better! Ahae!!! Way better! That woman likes one game in particular while doing the deed....pinball!!!

There are more ladies on more cards to show you, obviously. Some are interesting, some are boring. Good wives, mothers and house keepers, even when they are on the move. Some are just whiners. Can't help it. I must say it. Maybe they can't help it, too. Some people are just born that way. I feel sorry for 'em. Really sorry. But they're not my kinda women....Just poor little doves.

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Eirene! It?s very good to see you.

Pullo

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February 27th, MMVI: Lupamama's deck of cards

That Lupamama....One of my fav dames here in AW! She had to tell me what they were, because I'd never seen such thingies before in my life, but she told me it's a new kind of gambling game, so I'm all in for that, of course! Heheh, it doesn't say so in my personal motto, but gambling is a sticky part of my life. It grows on me, the gambling bug, I mean (sorry mism Cornellia, for using the no-no word again), althoug I'm not very good at gambling altogether. People think I'm stupid because I'm tall (what on earth has made people of just average height think that??) and start using bad dice while gambling with me. The rat bastards. Don't do it, i tell you, or you will end up like that rat Tarquinus did in that m*mpin' gambling den full of Pompeian veterans! So, take Pullo's advice and don't do it...

Lupa says, you can't m*mp people playing cards. I don't believe it, madam, although yer face looks shiny, bright and beautiful, as always....People who gamble, they cheat. They do. Doens't matter what game they play. They just cheat. They just don't cheat on everyone. When I go back to that frippin'gambling den in the Alta Semita I won't get cheated again, no sir.

Anyway, Lupa's cards are about gambling, but they look like "ROME". You can see a constant display of them in her Library. There's a card for every soul in the series. Some comments are deadly, some are just fine. They are all wuite witty. She handled Caesar, Marcus Antonius, Vorenus and me well. She did a good job on us. Of course she did. We are the most popular characters in the whole outfit, eh?

Eirene says, that she did well on her card, too. She does put a deadly spit in her porridge, but I just like that. No porridge for Pullo without Eirene's saliva in it. I think I wrote about that before. Yes, now that I think of it, I did. Some rants ago. Well, there you have it....the card(chuckles). It's great! Have a look, it's me, folks! Don't I look great here in my biggest fighting scene, eh? Eh? And how about that text? Isn't that just gorgeous? It's really me!

Yay.....great. I'm so proud! First she makes me famous as a fashion model and now I have been made immortal on a playing card! As said, that woman rocks!!!

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Probably give her a big scare though, eh?

Big ugly brute comin? along and giving her a hug.

Pullo

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February 23rd, MMVI: My prime job!

This is a good one, all of you! I guess, you all have dreamed of a job in which you would cash a lot of money, just by doing nothing, or hardly anything. And your work environment would be a palace of a house, with tons of slaves waiting yer hand and foot, piles of good (and I mean GOOD) food and the best wine you could ever lay yer hands on....

Yay. Macte. Unbe-m*mpin'-lievable. Unreal even....

That's what happened to me, folks. Pullo has finally drawn the big boat in.

Apparently, two things seem to have happened.

I: Now that Caesar has changed his camp life for the more permanent premises in Rome, he has decided that little Octavius should move from the somewhat sordid (really?) environment of his mother's house ("With all those men lying around there all the time! It's about time the boy left that house," Vorenus says. Well, I am his fighting tutor and the boy has never told me he finds his mother and these men irritating) to the peace and quietness of the Domus Iulia. And that's right, it IS quiet and peaceful there. So, after a week, little Octavius seems to have told his granduncle about his lessons with me. He wanted them to go on, so Caesar had me come over and discuss the lessons and a salary with him. I must say that the Julii were never behaving like poor people to me, but their great clan leader certainly tops them in payment. I am to get a hundred denarii for each lesson! (Unbe-m*mpin'-lievable!).

II: I already was a sort of unofficial body guard to her, but recently, so it seems, the Lady Calpurnia(1), the First Lady of Rome, has been attacked, while being dragged along in her lectica, by a bunch of rough boys, people payed to harrass innocent ladies, only because they are married to important and powerful men. Just to tease these men. And it's always like you never get to know who ordered this. And in the case of Lady Calpurnia, it seems that these stupid brutes even weren't after her at all, but after another lady of a total different family.

(sighs)

Some men....!!! And some employers....!!!

This is what I don't get. If you want to tease, attack or scorn a man of great influence, do it then. But don't harrass his wife. The poor dove. What has she got to do with it? I hate that, you know. I just hate it.

That poor, sweet lady. She wasn't all that hurt, luckily, though. When they saw they had the wrong one, they let her off, but she still had a few bumps and bruises and she was scared cacless, of course. Of course. Ah....that poor, lovely woman....

So now. As I was making my deal wit Caesar over Octavius' lessons, he also started telling me about the harrassment of his wife and that this should never happen again, of course. Of course!

So those people were being followed and arrested and from that moment on, the Lady Calpurnia was to be escorted by a huge, strong and loyal man, every time she wanted to go out of the house by herself. And Caesar thought that Titus Pullo, who has always been loyal to Caesar's cause, would be the perfect man for the job. To become Lady Cal's body guard. Just go there, up the Palatine Hill every morning, and stay there until dinner or until after dinner, mostly just hanging around, doing nothing, having nice snacks with Octavius (he's in his teen years and growing like you don't know what. That boy can eat! And he wants me to eat with him), giving him some lessons (once or twice a week) and getting around town with Calpurnia, if she wants or needs to go out. Which isn't all that often, you know. She seems to be quite busy, but she isn't all that moving about. Mostly people get their @sses up to visit her. So I laze around a lot. The price? LOL.....Three hundred denarii a month.

The best deal Pullo has ever pulled. And everyone is happy. Really. They didn't expect anything more. These people live so easily....Yay! This is the life I always wanted!

Soon, I'll have saved some money (Eirene is the keymaster of my treasury, you know), I'll marry Eirene, have a big wedding and maybe we can even move somewhere else, move out of this shack in the Voreni insula...(sighs)

Maybe I can move over to Caesar's insula suburana, of which I am a sort of janitor, and live there....?

Who knows? We'll see...

(1)This story does not refer in any way to the persona of member Calpurnia Caesar in Ancient Worlds.

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I don?t want another. I want Eirene.

Pullo

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February 20th, MMVI: I've got email

Yes, citizens of Rome and other depraved ill-beings, it finally happened: I've got email. Of course, first, they had to tell me what it was, email. Even Vorenus laid down his magistrate paper work and came down to have a listen. Email is when someone sends you a letter, but they don't do it on paper, they do it, eh....electronically. Through the network....in digital form.

Well, that sounds good, eh? Nevertheless, I don't understand one bit of cac of it. Even Vorenus is puzzled. Electronically? The network? Not on paper?

"On tabulae, then?" Vorenus asks, because he thinks he has brains.

No, of course not. That would be almost the same thing as a papyrus letter.

"What's that 'electronic' thing, then?" I ask.

Ah. A smart question after all. Something to learn from.

(Vorenus grins and wants to get up)

Sit down, me boy. 'Electronic' is, so to speak, through waves of energy. Through a sort of veins it goes. Through the air. It is kind of divine energy, which turns someones entered words into these waves and back to words again at the receiver's end. Like this.

As the demonstration goes on at the table in the Voreni insula's courtyard, Vorenus starts to turn pale.

"Divine?"he stammers, "You mean, godlike?"

"Yes," says I, "divine."

"You really get this from the gods?! Hmmm, must be. This is odd. I have never seen a letter transferred this way before. A message from the gods....," he concludes.

Then he turns as white as his own toga, that collection of fulloned laundry.

"Why do the gods give this to Pullo and not to ME?!"

I shrug. What the cac do I know?

"Pullo, who is such a misbehaviorist towards the gods, who speaks about them as if they were mere human beings?! Why am I treated in such way?"

Maybe you're just an old fashioned gent, Vorenus. You don't like new things, you. And things divine, in spite of being very old, are also always very new. So, maybe that's why.

Oh, I don't know. And I don't care. I like this medium, this email. Gets you somewhere without you even having to leave the premises. Great. That's life for Pullo. Getting to places without even having to leave yer bed...Yay!

TITVS PVLLO

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Blood and fire. It?s as hot as Vulcan?s d**k. What a dump. Those Gyp-o gods must be right wasters to make a place like this.

Pullo

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February 17th, MMVI: My dreams of the future

Sometimes, when I am not drunk or doing something stupid (or that can be regarded as such by others, that is, because I NEVER act stupidly, you know), and if I don't have to work, I like to take Eirene out for a walk on Upper Aventine, where all these rich guys live, you know: the Sempronii, Licinii, Marcus Antonius lives there too, with his wife, two boys, his whore and his dwarf....(Funny man, Antonius). It's nice and peaceful there and sitting on the top, you can watch all Rome lying at yer feet...I think Caesar must have the same feeling from his Domus Iulia on the Palatine...Great.

Mostly, Eirene and I go up there in the evening, before we start our round of bars and other sordid places I get attracted to, and we watch the sun set behind the Janiculus Hill. It's so romantic...And then Eirene and I start talking about what the future will hold in store for us. Some more ability to speak out loud for her, maybe? Some nice job, without much to do and yet a lot of money for me, maybe? Now that she and I are on good terms and she feels real love for me at last, a marriage (as soon as I can afford one) and a long row of little Pullos and Eirenes? Could that be possible?

"Marry her?!" says Vorenus. "Marry that dimwit slave girl? But why?"

Well, because.

Because I like her. I love her. Because I never had anyone for real in my life.

My life has always been about fight and play, fight and play, fight and play all the time. I used to love all women. I still love all the women, but this one is special. I freed her off, I had my troubles with her. I cried for her. Now, she has shown me that she feels for me too and she wants to be mine. I want to be hers, too. She is the sweetest thing that has ever happened to me...

"Gods! I never knew that you could rant on about a woman like that! For the sake of Dis, she's only a woman!" Vorenus answers.

Sure. And what about you and Niobe? Is, or was, she "only a woman" too?

Now, Vorenus breaks down and starts to cry. That's because he lost her. She fell over the balcony the same day Caesar was murdered. What a shame. Such a beautiful and friendly woman! And for why? Why? Because Vorenus walked up the Forum and some slave comes up to him telling a story about his grandson not being his grandson, but Niobe's child by another man.....So the fool gets mad, walks straight home and starts tearing the place apart, yelling and screaming at her. That poor woman.

My gods, that whole thing happened AGES ago. She thought Vorenus was dead. She must have been scared to death of him. But how could that slave know? The only few people who could have known were Niobe herself, her lover, that fool of a butcher Evander, Octavius and I, because we got it out of Evander before killing him off. Yes, I did it and he was dead in the end, it seems like. So, who squealed? Octavius and I vowed to never talk about it again. Because I didn't want Niobe to get hurt because of it. Lyde did know, it seems, about Niobe and Evander, but why would she talk? She had no use of Vorenus killing off her sister. Those two had their fights, but they were friends again. I don't know, folks. But some way or another, that slave woman knew and she told Vorenus, just as he wanted to enter the Senate House with Caesar, to protect his noble friend from any wrongdoers. So Vorenus falls into the trick pit, runs off home, scares the cac out of his wife and has her kill herself. Only to find out that he has foresaken his job and that Caesar has been killed as well.

And where was Pullo at that time? Ahh, he was praying for redemption at Rusina's shrine in the countryside, together with his little love Eirene and they put away all their differences and found eternal love forever!

Yay! Eirene and I won....and all's well that ends well. Such romance....I'm wet through.

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This is cac, this is. I?m wet through.

Pullo

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February 14th, MMVI: What a Day...

What a day that Valentine's Day is. I tried to explain the whole thing to Vorenus, but he wouldn't listen to me. "I don't want your stupid stories now," says he, "I'm busy. This toga tidying is a serious and time consuming job, you know."

B*****r off with yer laundry shop, Vorenus. If that is more important than the feelings of a friend, then what means friendship to you then? Does it have any meaning to you at all?

I learned that this is one of the things the whole Valentine's Day rant is about. Friendship. And love. Love! My department, eh?

I turn out not to feel that much in here for looking to find my other half. I do it, but I give up quickly. Maybe I just don't want to find any other half. I want them all to be my other half....Can that be? Sure it can! Watch me, Titus Pullo! I don't just want one and leave the rest behind...

Fortunately, my Eirene knows this and she fully understands. She also knows that I truely love her and want her. You know, there are women and women and there can be more women and I like all women (yes, all of them!), but there is only ONE Eirene and she is the sweetest girl on this planet. My gods, how I love her! She's my every day Valentine, the sweet!

Here's a sort of recipe advice from my good friend Lupamama for pinewood oil, which Eirene can put in her hair and make herself smell like my good old mother. She used to work in the pine woods up north and her hair smelled like pine tree......Hmmmmmmmm! What Love What Joy!

You know, you could get some on your own. Next time you go out to the country side to pray with Eirene, cut down (you seem to have a nice supply of short swords) some pine boughs and rub the cuttings with cloth. Eirene can use these cloths to rub her hair, thus leaving the scent behind.

Lupamama Romulus

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Alright. My dove. We?ll pay. But the girl better f**k him like Helen of Troy with her ~ss on fire, or I?ll know the reason why.

Pullo

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February 13th, MMVI: Look here!

Well, ain't this nice, eh? The painter has been here, while I was away running errands for my patrons and employers! Sometimes it takes a bit of time, before she can do the work, because she is a busy woman, but once that lady Tanaquil has hurdled the key inside the lock of my house, she starts working and look what she has done! The whole place is completely new and smelling of fresh paint now! Hmmmmh, I like the smell of fresh paint...Gets you [CENSORED], you know....(snifff).

Any road, I like it. I liked the outcome of this Valentine Contest as well, although I was far too late to really participate. You can read my apology and complete taedious and superfluous arguments why here, if you want to get bored.....I always get boring when apologize. I try to avoid it, but sometimes a man must, eh? Any road, what I saw of the contest was marvellous! People who brought that about, THANKS!

Oh...ay, I seem to be a brimming fashion model nowadays! What can happen in a city like Rome from one day onto another....I still can't really grasp it. Everything is here...just everything! Fashion! Hah! Well...now that I come to think of it: when you are fashionable, people look at you and this means: women, in particular, look at you! Yaaaaaay!!! (Read Lupamama's Journal about it!

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Clean and pretty it is, ma'am.

Pullo

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February 11th, MMVI: Pullo for mending any broken hearts, even me own...

Today, I signed up with a contest called "Achy Breaky Heart" (Find your other half). They tell me it's something to do with a bloke called Valentine. Well, I don't know this guy, but he seems a sort of patron of all lovers. Well, as you may know by now (chuckles), I am your lover to boot!

So, this is what I wrote to sign me up:

Dear ladies and gents,

If there is anything I cannot stand at all, it's a broken heart. So let me mend it. I myself hardly have a broken heart, but if I do happen to have one, I know a way out of it. Let me show you through this small conversation I had some time ago with me old accomplice Lucius Vorenus:

Vorenus: "You, eh, you often say that you are adept with women."

Me: "No idle boast neither. There are girls from Narbo to Thebes that cry my name by night."

Vorenus: "I have no need of your coital expertise. My question more concerns the, eh, affections."

Me: "I'm your man for that to boot."

Vorenus: "My wife. She....well, you heard what she said. She hates me."

Me: "What's your question?"

Vorenus: "How do I stop her from hating me, obviously."

Me: "It's not that obvious. I thought you were making her hate you of a purpose."

Vorenus: "That is not my intent at all. Why would I do that?"

Me: "I don't know. You are the clever one, you. Might been a thousand reasons."

Vorenus: "I love her. I require that she love me also, else I am merely her slave. I cannot tolerate that."

Me: "Oh. Well, sir, just ask what you need to know. If it comes to any feelings with the female kind, I will be able to help you. I'm going to make a fine lover out of you, a lover your wife cannot resist, even if it's the last thing I will ever do in this life."

That's the sort of conversations I have with Vorenus. Sometimes I really think that man is from another planet. From a star, like the ones we talked about at night, lying beside the camp fire. "Stars are holes in the celestial sphere that let through the celestial light," says he. Hmph. I dunno. To me, stars are sort of balls made out of gas. And he is from one of 'em. Not of this world. A man that does not know how to love a woman??? Come on!

So, eh, I will be with you, my good people (especially: my good ladies!) to see to the mending of some broken hearts and to see if there is a special little lady around here that can be my counterpart! Yay!

Pullo

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One thousand?! Gerrae! I could have half the whores in Narbo for that. And their mothers.

Pullo

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February 10th, MMVI: Ray...

Ray is the bloke who plays Titus Pullo in the "ROME" series. Am I getting out of character for once? Well, think what you will, I just want to say that Ray plays me masterfully in that series and he has really brought me to life in there.

Since this reading and writing job has gotten better and better all the time, my rants in this journal have become longer and longer. I will be short for a change today. I just want to put in here what I found Ray saying on this thing called internet about the "ROME" series being racy in places. I think he put his opinion very well and that he therefore really deserves to be regarded as THE Titus Pullo of all modern times! Here's what he says:

Q: The series (Rome) is quite racy in places. Do you think it goes too far?

Ray: "No. I think the watershed is there for a reason. I have a problem with people who have a problem with that. There was no body shame in those days. It's not about titillation."

There you have it then! It's not about titillation. People doing the deed in this series aren't trying to provide you a cheep way to become a voyeur. They aren't doing this to please you! There was no body shame in those days. Well, at least not as much as there is in some of today's cultures and certainly not the body shame of the Middle Ages...

Thanks to the gods, no...

So, apart from playing a masterful me (Titus Pullo), Ray also puts the moral moaners into place. And be honest, people: I think that if an ancient Roman had made it into these times through a time machine and had been asked to produce and direct this series, there would have been much more nudity......I can tell you that!

Thanks, Ray. You rule!

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Don?t talk of the Thirteenth.

Pullo

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February 9th, MMVI: Wisdom...

Look at what my dear lady Tanaquil has done! Now look at it! She's making this little book to be sold in the Booksellers Street close to the Forum....a book with all my exclamations.....Yay....and she calls it WISDOM....! (sighs). That woman is too good to be true. Will there be justice at last for Titus Pullo?

If you don't know what I'm talking about, please have a read

HERE

What ya think about that, eh?

Vorenus is seething again. No one would ever think of writing a book about HIS rantings and musings.....And why? Because he has nothing orginal to say, that's why. That man is too cold and he is only developing a heart of his own...And I even have to help him with that.

But Niobe and the rest are smiling at me, now that I'm becoming really famous! Yup! Eirene looks red in the face out of pure pride! She finally chose the right boy, eh? My sweet little Eirene....(sighs)

Now then, what is so terribly good about all this, is that the brainiac is not only gathering all my special quotes from the series, but she is also translating them into my native tongue. Imagine that, I couldn't even write it down in Latin by myself and she is just doing it, translating all of that and writing it down too....and posting it as a preview in the Schola Linguae Latinae, so all her students and others interested can have a go at the Latin of it all. They sure are goofing at our language, she tells me. Who? The lady Tanaquil, of course. She knows. Ye gods, she knows a lot. It would take a million Pullos in a row to get to the depths of her brain. Or would that just make one million of stupid Pullos together, like Vorenus is suggesting here? (grunts). Yeah, it would, probably.

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I don?t know. You?re the clever one, you.

Pullo

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February 8th, MMVI: Swords

Yay! One of my favorite topics! Why haven't I thought of this before? The high nob ladies over here don't have to get mad at me at all. If people get bored of me ranting on about women, food and gold teeth, I can always cheer 'em up again with some stuff about Roman weapons. And what a fine collection Vorenus and I have gathered over the years!

Ain't they beauties! Almost as good as women!

You may well know my motto: "I like to kill my enemy, take their gold and enjoy their women." Well, it's true. It's a simple life, but it requires a skilled hand with swords. And that, ladies and gentlemen, I have! That's what makes a man into a Roman legionary. Be off hand and off guard and you're dead. But I like to fight. Yes, I really do. So my collection grows with every fight. Spolia, we call 'em. Spoils. I love them!

What you see here are all my beauties. I take a lot of care of them. I sharpen them and treat them against rust. A good sword should never be rusty. I take care of them as if they were nothing but beautiful women..Heh heh, a boy usually treats his toys like they were women....But women aren't always to toy with, sadly to say....(chuckles)

Oh! Eh.....yes, Vorenus, you are right. The weapons. Gladii, as we call our swords, usually come in all kinds, sorts and sizes. The Germans carry those long bastards around with 'em. They are fearsome and gruel monsters of blade. Our swords are shorter, but still heavy and fearsome. If you know your way with a sword like ours, you can kill a German rat bastard with a single hit, no matter if he carries such a long fellow with him or not. Be sure, though, to be as drunk in battle as he is, LOL!

Vorenus and I are proud to show you only the best we have. The others are just some pugiones: hand and fist daggers. They are nothing special. These are our fine specimens and we hope you like 'em!

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Why not [fight]? The boys are ready, aren?t you, boys? Let?s have a go.

Pullo

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February 7th, MMVI: Army Food a la Carte

You can see that Niobe is a soldier's wife. Why? Well, she puts up with all his soldier crap, like orders, commands, shouting, etcetera. She also has quite a mouth on her, but that's because she is a woman of the Aventine. They need a big mouth, them....No, there is something else, that Niobe stars in: she makes army food a la carte!

Yup! This is it, the very best the army can give you after a hard day's work: PORRIDGE! I hate the grub, but I love it. It's all there is when yer hungry and you fail to hunt down some wild animal in the forest or fields. It's what comes down to you just because you serve your general. Wow....

Of course, porridge comes in all sorts. Be a soldier long enough and you'll know it. The white, gobbly stuff is just the basics. You can put in there whatever you have to fill the bare necessities of the grub with. Anything there is will do. In the army, it's mostly the fat residue and interior of bones that fills the porridge, but what Niobe puts in there....I don't know, but it's all kinds of things and it tastes delicious! Little Eirene has learned how to do this, while I was away with the Thirteenth in Greece and Africa. When I came back, she didn't only speak our words, but also had mastered our very special army cuisine: the art of making porridge. She even spits in it, but that is another matter. Told you about it, I guess. Yes, did that already.

There you go! Ready to eat....Great! I just said: "I don't like it that much." No. That's right. But it is THE thing for a man with a purse like mine. There's a permanent hole in that thing. Just like the hole in my head. Whatever comes in leaks out right away.....

(sighs)

So, in spite of liking food that looks more like what my little tiro Octavius gets every day, I have to say, that porridge becomes me. Yes, it becomes Pullo, especially when Eirene enriches it with her saliva...

Oh.

There she is. I promised her not to mention that again to people. She is ashamed of it now. The poor thing. Why should she? Everything she does makes me incredibly proud of her! Yay!

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Now, my honey. Calm your stomach....

Pullo

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February 6th, MMVI: The centurion, my old man

Yesterday, I started a story about the army. About me in the army. Now that's a good thing. You kill all the enemies you can get yer hands on, take their gold (I like their teeth more than anything) and enjoy their women (red gaulish c******s, I guess you already know that). And the best thing is: they LET YOU DO IT! They even pay you to do it. Aha! Not that it's much, but the chance to take spoils Caesar gave us now and then, makes up a lot.

I stick to taking rings and things from dead corpses, mostly gold teeth, like I said, because it's very easy to carry that around with me. Just with my pocket money. You keep it in a leather purse on yer belt and if they take it from you (when you land up in prison or something else goofy, a harlot house or so), you keep it between yer legs. Now don't laugh like that! You have to keep a good eye on yer well earned money and stolen stuff....right?

Now then, Vorenus does it differently. He put all his spoils into slaves and penises. "Penises?" you might ask. Has Vorenus got any use for them, beside that specimen of his own, which is solely devoted to his Niobe (I even tend to believe that her name is on it)? Well, yes. But he doesn't play with them or anything. He doesn't even look at them, except when he opens his huge purse to take out some money. Which he has to do a lot on my account, hahae! So, I did him some service as well, for making him open his purse and dive in it so much: he got a glimpse of his healing symbols every time. There you have it now. Whereas I believe in the healing capacity of a good clean shag, Vorenus puts his faith in phallic symbols. Well, I don't know....Some say these thingies really DO have healing powers, but...ah....really? When they're dead and cut off from a big strapping Suebe six footer from the rough end of the trench? I don't know. I mean, dead is dead anyway. They are more use to you when they are 'alive', eh? Don't you think?

(sighs)

The V-man is giving me the bad eye again. I shouldn't rant on like that about phallics. People don't like that in here, he says. Get's them scared. Get's them to think that I think of nothing else.....Well, now that I think of it...?

Hm! (chuckles)

The V-man and I are getting along better and better still. That was different when we were still soldiering. A cold brute heart he had back then. There was no love in him. He would consult me day and night on how to get it on again with his wife Niobe and because he ordered me to tell all I knew I did. He never payed me for it, though. He never even said "thank you" or anything. Sometimes, yes, he would let me out of prison, when I thought myself dead meat already, ay, that's true, yes.....but to say: "Pullo, me old friend. You have taught me so much and helped me so well. I thank you for it."? No. Not a word.

And he would be a nasty man with his stick as a centurion, that man. Yes, a beast! I remember having been beaten up by him so hard that I couldn't even stand anymore. I mean, every part of my body stood up, but I couldn't stand one sec. Ow!

There were more crappers like him, beating hard working soldiers up. And for why? Why? Sleeping during the watch. Yeah, I know, it's not done, but when you only get three hours of sleep every day and you have, like me, to keep up your rep of being the best shagging legionary in the whole frippin' Thirteenth, it may happen that you close your eye for just a sec. It happens. What of it?

Vorenus beat the cac out of you then. There was this other centurion, who would have you over at his quarters, have you undress yourself and use you as a living toast rack. And there is this centurion who would have you nail yerself to a pole. I'm not kidding, folks. These things happen. These guys are omnipotent (Hahae! In all things? They wish!). They can do or leave whatever they like.

Last but not least, there was this centurion called Scaeva. He was not in my outfit, thank the gods for that! But he was there and I have seen him doing it more than once. He wouldn't beat you up, oh no. He wouldn't use your bridges for a toast rack. No, sir. He would not have you nail yerself up to a pole, the cunning cad. That's what others did. He would do just this:

You were standing watch and one eye failed to keep it up. Scaeva would do his round so silently, you wouldn't hear the bastard coming. And then, all of a sudden, he was there, standing before you. He would come up close to you. He would sniffle a bit at you, like a hunting dog does at his prey. Then, after a pause, he would whisper: "Sleeping during the watch, eh? A good and sweet sleep, I do hope?"

You would stand tall, all eyes open and ready to do anything that cross crested bastard would tell you to do, but he wouldn't say a word to you. He would just smile benevolently and then....plant his vine stick hard between your upper legs!

OW!!!

You would stand tall, until he had gone past. Then you would sink to the ground and start shivering and squatting because of the pain. You cannot beat these waves of pain that go through yer body. Two soldiers would come, pick you up and carry you off. You wouldn't be able to stand, sit or walk for a couple of days.

Now HE was the brute!

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You be off now, short-ass. And take this scum with you.

Pullo

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February 5th, MMVI: The army, my old home

Yes, that's what it is....the good old m*mpin' Thirteenth Legion is my home. Not that it's a fine and swell home, an army, but....it's a home for a lone and practically homeless guy like me. It's what people can cope with, if they have no place else to go.

(sighs)

And you'll get to like it, once you're in there for, let's say, five years, or so? You get to get used to the grub, the duties, the fights, those men who play hard jobs on you (centuriones and the like) and give you a lick of the cat sometimes.....You know, there is a pattern to all this, which you tend to lose once you're out of there. I love the army. I love the Thirteenth. It's my m*mpin' home, that's what.

Now, that you've all seen this stunning series and the uncanny story of Titus Pullo, you all think you know what Roman soldiers look like in my days, eh?

Well, wrong! We don't look good, we look even better!

If you don't know what I mean, then have a good look around my premises as well as having a good look around HERE!

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That's what I look like in real army life!

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This is a "hastatus". This is what I looked like in the first three years or so of my army career. If you can call it a career, that is. Vorenus starts grinning..."career". Shut up, you!

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And this is what frippin' Vorenus looked like when he was a Primus Pilus. Swell, eh? Will I ever look like that? Hm. I will go over one back, though. HIS!

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You look like laundry...

Pullo

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February 4th, MMVI: Women...eh?

I thought I was the man to boot regarding the handling of the best other sex we have: women. Many people in the legion consulted me about them and Vorenus, who was in need of special information about how to handle his wife when he would get home, they all pointed to me: "Ask Pullo. He's your man for this sort of thing." And what have I told him! The lots! And what has it brought him? Many good things! Only if he screws up himself, things between him and Niobe go wrong....Sometimes it's a mystery and I have to think of a way to sort things out for him, though.

Well, now, I have my hang ups too, you know. Consider these two ladies here now, two sisters of the Curius family. They are very nice, but I really don't know what to think of them....Do they or don't they want some love and care? First they give me the eye, then I apparently do something that makes the elder sister angry and then they make it up giving me these nice buns to eat and then they start dribbling again.....Sometimes, I really am at my wits end with these women. Must be me, then. But I love them. I do. I really love women, although I don't always understand them. But it makes sense. I am a man and they are women....We are different, but we can complete eachother. That's what I seek in life. And the rest is fun and games, right?

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.....Course, your best method for pleasing a woman is the warm beating heart of an enemy. Women will say they don't like it, but they do. Makes them wet as October.

Pullo

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February 3rd, MMVI: Hate to do it, but...

I have to get back to one of me old topics again: religion. These goddesses in here don't take a liking for my fat and delicious roaches. Mism Cornellia calls them BUGS and thinks they will eat up her computer and Miss Heraklia doesn't like anything crawling, so...what was I to do? I tried dead flesh with Cornellia, but she wants them tidy and I ain't got any ice to store them in. I tried to hear Heraklia out on her favorite divine dishes, but sometimes, when you talk to gods, you need an interpreter to get the oracle down to plain English...or Latin. And that requires priests and like I said: b*gger the priests. I'd rather take Vorenus with me to help me out in this, but he won't come, he won't take part in my "sordid" talks with the gods....

(sighs)

Yeah, be like that, Vorenus. As if I can't pray. As if I can't talk to gods. I can. And I do.

Yesterday, I found the most lovely gift Miss Heraklia can ask for: MMMMM (yes, that's it, 5,000) white pigeons!

So I let them fly and up Cap Hill they went, straight into the arms of the lovely goddess! And now my messages and prayers get priority treatment...Until she wants new grub again, I suppose....

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But yet the sky is still above us and the earth is still below.

Pullo

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February 2nd, MMVI: Something Technical

I got contacted by the powers above and they told me that the failure yesterday, id est: my entry edition being m*mped up lately, so that I had to rewrite.

So, that was something techical, they said. Hm..I didn't know gods talked technical things. I always thought they thundered and lightened and sent diseases if they don't like what people do.

Oh, well, anyway. These guys here apologize. Have you ever met a Roman god that apologized? Did Mars ever apologize to Vorenus for taking a crap and missing the leaving of Rome by Pompeius and his lot? Vorenus was so p*ssed off by that, but Mars just let it happen and did get back to him on that...

Am I blabbering? Probably right there. I have been drinking with my little dove (er...one of my little doves) Sementawy. Didn't know these gyppo women could drink so much! But they do! Yay!

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It's all about the tone of the voice. You pretend like you're putting a saddle on a skittish horse.....There honey..shhh...come now. That sort of thing.

Pullo

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February 1st, MMVI: Gods and offerings

Eeeh....well. I wrote a thingy here about religion and my view on that last week and someone stole it from me. Right, now...who was that?? Vorenus, you Son of Dis in the Infernal Regions, was it YOU???!!!

(sighs)

Now I have to start all over again. Remembering what it was that I was trying to tell you there is one m*mpin' thing, writing it all down is another. I am starting to write better, but it still takes me hours to get it all down. Ehi, another version will have to do then. Can't help it, folks...

I think it started with that nice little plaque Sementawy, that sweet little dove, left at my place. So I had it up there. My door is beginning to look like a real piece of art! It says, like some people read out to me: HEATHEN. Yay!

I am heathen. Yes, I am and I'm proud of it. I hope people won't censor or cut this, just because of it. Heathens need their place in the world, too, and where I come from, I mean the TIME that I come from, only knows heathens, no other folks....

So, next I moved onto religion....Vorenus and I discuss religion often. He has a total different approach than me. He likes to make lots of money and then go up to them temples, pay them priests lots of his hard earned gold to have them make sacrifices and offerings to the gods for him, to pray his prayers and stuff.

Gerrae!

You all may know that I don't think alike. I like to talk direct to whatever god I do business with. Not through priests, those crooks. They swindle on you while you're at it.

"So then," Vorenus says, "You must think your main man Caesar is a crook too, because he is the highest priest of them all...the Pontifex Maximus."

I go like: "WHAT?! My hero...a PRIEST???"

Cac.

Oh well.....There will always be one or two GOOD priests among 'em. What do I know? But I got no use for the lot of them.

What gods do I pray to? Mostly those old Roman ones, my good mother taught me about before she died. Not that I don't like no new ones. The more gods, the better, I say. But Mars, Venus, Forculus, Gaia and Janus are on top. They rule, because they work very fast. And they always listen.

Remember me in Gaul, in that prison cage? I was all beaten up and ready to die, but a small prayer to Forculus did the trick for me. I hadn't even finished talking to him and.....case heard! I was out! Yay! Forculus works pretty fast and I like it that way.

I also like mother goddesses with fat fronts and behinds. The fatter, the better. Reminds me of what I like in women: fat or really girlish (like my little dove Eirene, who is pretty girlish)

Anyway, this is me sitting in front of a statue of Rusina, the protector of fields and pastures (as you can see, she corresponds to what I like), just finishing an prayer and offering. The girl in the back is Eirene. Isn't she lovely? We just made up our grieving differences there. She is the sweetest thing on earth, no matter what all prats tell me.

And offerings? I usually kill a fine white lamb if I can get one for a decent price. Or pigeons. But mostly I am out of coin, so I have to please the gods with the most favourite small dish I can offer them: a roach (or more, of course).

Mmmmmmhhhh, tasty, roasty, crunchy, full of proteine and omnipresent. You can never run out of roaches.

Was it THIS maybe that killed the latest edition of my journal entry???? Cornellia ma'am, was it because of the mentioning of a roach, mism? Well, so be it, because I'm doing it again! I can't leave the roach off the divine menu, thanks very much....There are SO many unfortunate Romans, who have to take refuge to the offering of the cheapest (yet most delicious!) thing they can lay their hands on to give to their gods: the roach.

And yeah, yeah, I know, it's a bug and I know the first digital bug was a roach, but what do I care? I live in an era where people believe that the gods provide and do everything, and I belong to those permanently low of cash, so I must have to offer them. There is no other way....

(sighs)

Well, Titus Pullo hopes he has made his point now. So much for gods and offerings....Onto some more worldly business...!

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Janus, Gaia and Dis?I humbly beg you accept this creature as my offering, and if it pleases you, I ask you to give Eirene long life. And same for my friend Lucius Vorenus and his family, if it?s not too much. And let Eirene know I?m sorry for what I did.

Pullo

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January 30th, MMVI: Can it get any worse?

Ahae!

People keep asking me: 'please Pullo, do tell again about that operation they did on you!'

People always want to hear the grisly stories, eh?

Well, this guy at the gambling den up the Alta Semita chucked this huge piece of glass in my rear head and that actually knocked me down, after being victorious killing two cads who tricked me at the game and pulled off all my money.

So, I had to leave that den before I could finish off that other guy, the actual con man's friend.

As I was running down the street I passed out several times and my head felt like it was coming off my body.

Usually I feel like that while drinking very baaaaaadd wine, and now I had only touched some of it and I had been eating some good food and m*mping some good lupa girl before I went into the gambling den. So I wasn't all that drunk.

Things got really m*mped up, when I started to spit blood everywhere. And damn, there was only one place to go, the Vorenus place. So I went up the Aventine, to see Vorenus. Couldn't burst in there like that at night, so I waited in pain until the morning came and then I decided to knock on his door. Even with my blood running eyes, I could see were his door was. I could read enough letters of his name to make out it was his.

Deep trouble when I came in, I can tell you! Deep cac! His wife was shocked almost to death and I, in my pain, felt sorry to butt in like this and scare the poor soul to death with my bloody face, open head, big and scary appearance. That was Titus Pullo for her then...

And Vorenus started shouting that she should get a doctor. He really started to treat her like a legionary, bullying her off and shouting commands at her. That stupid fool.

And then....There was nothing.

As I came to, I was strapped tightly on Vorenus' kitchen table and some @sshole was cutting me open at the top end. Aaargghhhh, that frickin' hurt! I have been operated on before, but this was some show of nasty crap. Gawd! Even thinking of this gives me a headache! Dis in the Infernal regions, as the posh say, this was like a h*ll I will never have to enter again, I hope.

That cad cut open my head with a big meatcleaver of a knife, then started drilling a hole in it with some kind of bow drill and then pinched some little bits of glass and bone out of the hole. Finally, after I had passed out happily for the last time in this messy story, the guy hammered a little round guilded silver plate over the hole and bandaged my crane. So much for Pullo's operation....

Have I seen h*ll after this? Of course I have! What ya think??

And how do I know about all these details? Well, do you know this little girl in Vorenus'house, Vorena the Younger? She was so interested in all this bloody mess.....While the others were fearingly watching the grisly event, she watched it with lots of interest. I think she will be a doctor when she grows up (if her father will let her). She surely has the brains for it. And while I was lying in the bed, she was nursing me and singing me songs (ah, so sweet!) and if I could bring up the strength to listen to stories, I asked here over and over again to tell me about my messy operation.....

This stuff is what the cat used on me while operating...

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Maybe he (i.e. Mars) was having a crap and missed it.

Pullo

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January 26th, MMVI: Vorenus' little slave from Gaul

(sighs)

That crappy little slave from Gaul...Vorenus brought back huge spolia back from Gaul, gold, silver, massive amounts of weapons and stuff and like so many other military men (dare I call them fools?) he trades all that into slaves. Slaves are good stock, they say. Feed 'em up and they will sell a good price on the market, they say. Well, muse on, my friends, because so many of them gallic people tied up together in one square mile of your finest hot Roman weather in June (as you call it), that's really going to work as your deadliest affliction Apollo could pour out over you. I mean: the black blood flux, that's what I mean...

So that's what happened to Vorenus, me old friend. He bought this stock of fine specimens of gallic slavehood and agreed to have them fed up by this crappy slave trader (these people stink, you know). But Lucius had confidence, so the slaves were kept there and fed and in the meantime, this slave yard (as I like to call it) was filled up with more and more Gauls and Germans, who weren't accustomed to those temperatures down here, which can get up like the heat of Vulcan's d*ck, thanks very much. Even I get problems then. But these people, they'll just eat anything that's thrown in front of them, not knowing if it's fresh or gone. So what happened, to be short, was this epidemic called the black blood flux. Vorenus' stock, in which the loon had put all his spolia money, had died out except for one little slave, which he could take home, feed and cure until that one would get better and sell it off, just to pay the slave trader for food and lodgings for the whole lot of them. I have never seen Vorenus so angry as that day. And he took it all out on his sister in law, who screwed up his business intitiation party. Be like that. Take it all out on a weak woman. That poor creature must have felt guilty like hell. And for why? Why? Because the loon wanted his slaves to stay in an unhealthy environment, these frippin' creatures die and who is to blame? Lyde, because she mumped up his party and broke his precious statue of Janus.....That holy pooper....It's just his own damn fault his slaves died on him and he shouldn't take it out on his wife and in-laws. That's typical for Vorenus, the man has a holypoop brain, if you ask me.

So all he could take back from Gaul, all that's left to him (you should have seen the cac-head tremble in the presence of his wife!) is this little redheaded boy his daughters decided to call Rubio. And Rubio is a nice little kid, you know, like kids are. He's not totally healthy yet and they are curing and cuddling him up until he is and then he goes. But keeping a little kid suffering from a streak of the black blood flux is quite messy, when he just starts to get sick on you, while you're playing with him. So, I'm sitting there, hanging out in Niobe's kitchen, playing with the kid and taking him up, putting him on my shoulders and.....Uhhhhhhhh!!! I feel something wetty flooding down my neck! So the Vorena girls gather quickly around me and start yelling:

Mama, mama, come quick! Rubio is caccing in Pullo's neck!!!

There you have it out, folks. It happened. The cac finally hit the fan in Niobe's kitchen. They were all standing there, laughing. What else could I do than join them in their laughs? In the meanwhile the crap was floating down my body.....Dis in the Underworld, I have never felt heavier convulsions than at that moment. Fortunately, Niobe felt some mercy and helped me get clean again.....(sighs).

I never touch any gallic slave stock again, never in my whole life, thank you very much!!

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I?m a hero of the whole mumpin? Legion, I am. I saved your skin more than once.

Pullo

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January 23rd, MMVI: New art by Pullo

Yup! I got visited by my great Art Spirits again yesterday and I made me something to hang next to my door post. Every one will see, what a happy man lives here. For I am mostly a happy man, even if Fortune happens to have a way of pissing on my face every now and then...

Want to see it? Well, I guess you should step out, turn around and there you see it. Can't really show it in here. I have no problems with my art, like I said in my previous entry, but some people here....they think it's not done. What is wrong with the vim of life, eh? What's wrong with the symbol of a good shag?

But anyway, if you guys can't have it right away, then you will get it through a link (as they call that in here):

ART BY TITVS PVLLO

Well, that's it then! Have a go at it on Pullo's behalf!

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A little bit skinny?isn?t it? Won?t know he?s been, will he? Won?t know you?ve been.

Pullo

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January 22nd, MMVI: What mostly happens to me

Yes, it's true. I mostly screw up things and end up in the slammer. Not that nice, thank you very much. Especially because it's boring me to death, the food is bad and there is no wine....The only thing I really can practice there is my nerve wreckage, because people end up getting rewarded for having been brave on the battle field and this hero is locked up and gets nothing of it (Cac!), and I can serve out my prison time drawing fine specimens of my specialty in figurative art: penises. I draw them in all sizes and colors and I am renowned for them! Two thousand years from now, they could sell a good price on the art auctions. But nowadays, they are quite normal among soldiers and they get wiped out when other individuals come to house these fine premises....

(sighs)

Outside I hear the cries of joy among the men sharing the spoils....

AND ME IN HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

##image 87595##

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Well, I?m away. Need a drop of wine to set me up for the day.

Pullo

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January 10th, MMVI: People keeping me fed

Sorry for not appearing on the board messages page...It happens. What? Cac. That happens. I have to sweep out this journal from time to time, to be able to keep posting here, but for some reason or another it always thinks it's full, while I have emptied it. Brought up some offerings to Cap Hill, but it seems you have to drag it up higher still. Vorenus even talks about a pilgrimage to Mt. Olympus in Thessaly...He should have brought that up when we were there, in search for Caesars armies to join them in the fight against Pompeius, that cunning cachead.....*sigh*. Oh well, I think things will mend themselves in the end. You know how these gods are. Praise 'em long enough, bribe a few and they will do the job for you, eventually. It always worked that way for me in the army, when I was locked up.

What DID I want to say now? Oh...yes. People are not only keeping me busy. The other day, I had to decline Lupa's lovely offer to escort some goody stuff for here to Sicily...Shame. So much to do and only one Pullo to do it, eh? Shame. People are keepin me fed, too. Look what they throw through the window sometimes!

I have no use for the man attached to the ham. I don't like male slaves, they get on my nerve. I'm not a sissy, am I? Eirene can have him to carry her around, as long as he doesn't touch her bridges....! Because I'm quite known for doing what then...

But the ham is a prize, it was all free! I don't buy at the door, but this came through the window for free. Some people wouldn't like it, I was told. Vorenus said that it would be religious offense. Well, I wouldn't know. In the future, maybe, but I live now. I give the nude to Eirene and keep the ham. Deal? I think so!

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Women. Hey, they like nothing better than a man with a big name.

Pullo

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January, 17th, MMVI: People keeping me busy

People are keeping me busy! The "Adopt a Pleb" trick Tanaquil played works pretty well!

Vorenus is getting green for jealousy because of all the money pouring in and the female attention I am getting, hahae!

The corner of my paradise they call "study" (yucks!) is filling up with nice pictures of people who adopted me.....They are so lovely. Miss Cornellia is using me to sharpen the tip of her whip on, Caileadair just runs me around on all kinds of errands. R+ even wraps me up as his tax collector! Yay, good job, that! Then we have Lord Aelfwine, who is a huge friendly German wanting me to booze with him in his Hall every Friday night.....goody! Princess AzureEyes is the best gyppo princess follow up I could find in this outfit and she is lovely! I am just at her command and a damn GOOD command it will be!!!

I am First Lady Calpurnia's body guard and.....I'm Lady Tanaquil's favorite petty pleb...sweet, huh??

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Titus Pullo isn?t scared of any bastard with a dog?s head on 'em.

Pullo

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January 16th, MMVI: What else does Eirene do?

My ever growing number of lady friends in AW keep asking me: what else does Eirene do than spitting in your porridge?

Now Vorenus says that this is a saucy and rather indecent question that should better not be answered, so here we go:

Well, she pisses in my pot, too. Hahae!

Isn't she a doll?

Still haven't got a clue where she comes from and she doesn't talk that much, so I have to guess about it, but it might be a custom in that depraved province of the Roman outfit she originally comes from: pissing in your man's pot, I mean....She does it quite seriously.

Eho, Cornellia, am I going too far now, mis'm?

You see, I don't know a tad bit about decency. I leave that to Vorenus and his clan. I do know about LOVE now, people! And that's far more important than your best decency! Love and a good, warm heart. That's what my little Eirene gets from me for all her spitting and....eh...such.

(Vorenus is giving me an ugly look, so I better hush up now...)

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Is that it? I was just beginning to enjoy myself.

Pullo

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January 13th, MMVI: She spits in my porridge

Here we have it then! Eirene definitely showed me for the first time that she is in love with me....

SHE SPITS IN MY PORIDGE!!!

(Was that okay, Posca?)

Really, she did. That's it, folks. The bottom line. The lil' woman loves me. She is angry at me, throws knives at me, but I don't care, I know she loves me, because she spits in my porridge! Goody! That's my kind of c****! She really has a great way of showing these things, I can tell you. I banged the head of that slave she wanted to marry, but I know she's forgiven me. And mmmmmmh, yummy it tastes, Niobe's porridge crowned with Eirene's foamy saliva.....mmm.....It really makes me dream....and almost say things that I will regret here.......aaaahhh!

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No one sh*ts on the Thirteenth!

Pullo

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January 10th, MMVI: Read and Write

What you say about this, eh? Pullo finally got himself a school education: two afternoons a week, right here in the insula, by that goof slave of Caesar's, Posca. He's doing quite a job on me, but I doubt it will stay in my head. You see, I never was a clever one, me. Besides, as a boy, I didn't get an education. No one there to pay for it, eh? Simple as that. And quite recently, I got stabbed in the head by a brute even uglier and meaner than I am. So I got operated on Niobe's kitchen table, but there's still a hole in my head, I can tell you. What goes in at the front, leaks out through the back....Hahae!

Still, the goof wants to teach me and I appreciate that. I like it when people want to help Pullo. For in spite of all his strength and cunning sword wielding, Pullo is a poor cad, I can tell you. The only thing I knew about reading and writing was my name (my mother has taught me that, for she knew it would come handy one day), right before the goof started working with me. And look here, Mars! I made some progress! See?

FVGITE, VOS LATESCITE, FVGTE ET VOS LATESITE, RVBENTES CVNNI GALICI, ADVENIVNT XIII ET VIRI OMNES MORTVI SVNT...

To get to write this, my favorite song in the Legion's hit parade, already cost me half a day....He says that it's not perfect, but it will do for now. Well, I wouldn't know. Haven't studied on the alphabet that much yet. E'ou...homework? M**p it, I have other things to do! Keep the mob off Vorenus' tail. He thinks he's immune, eh? Well, if I started staying home and studying, it would cost him his @ss....So no homework for me, sir. I'll think of it while butchering Lyde's pigs or slaughtering gladiators, street cads and any other faul mouthed wretches. Me for the protection of the City, yay!

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I needed money for wine...

Pullo

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January 8th, MMVI: Brownies

While Saturnalia was quite nice, but its end a total shamble at my end of the line (yes, it's me again!), I started off the new year quite well.

Someone nice, one of my beloved ladies called Helena Curius, brought me a tonfull of brownies....First I thought, it's that stuff the gyppo princess smoked, but the note said that it's edible. And so I ate! Man, that stuff is good! Eirene wants the recipe, because we sort of made up the differences between us and she wanted to make amends with lots of good food, wine and c**** goodies! Yay! So Helena, if you happen to be in the neighborhood very soon, please drop in and leave the recipe. You won't regret it, heheh!

New Year's looking good. Vorenus is getting richer and more powerful by the minute...So he can't stay mad a me. And that slave guy Caesar drags along with him all the time is hanging around here a lot, teaching Vorenus how to act and behave as a magistrate...Hahae!

The guy even consented to try and give me some reading and writing lessons....That little man is a hoot, I can tell you!

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I'm drunk, I'm sleazy

Pullo

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January 6th, MMVI: Aaaaahhhhh! What have I done?

I had it up so well......But Titus Pullo always blows it at the last minute....(sighs)

I free Eirene, get Vorenus to vouch for it, I tell her she is a free woman now, give her a nice dress and then this gnome of a slave called Oedipus comes in and tells me he's gonna marry MY Eirene!

No one told me, no one said anything to me. And for why? Why?

A thing like that is too much for old Pullo...

I took the boy by his bridges and smashed his head against a pillar!

Stupid, of course....Yea, stupid, (sighs)

But what can a man do? Treated like some piece of cac by the man I fought shoulder to shoulder with, for 10 frickin' years, not allowed to march at the triumph, because I apparently left the army (pathetic sods) and now this?

Now the man kicks me out of the house and Eirene is crying....Why didn't she tell me anything? Was she afraid I would kill her? No, I wouldn't...Not my lovely little Eirene...!

Oh, what is left there to do? While the world around me is talking about babies born and a whole new and good world, Pullo sits here and gets drunk...

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Whenever in distress, bang the head of a slave.

Pullo

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December 26th, MMV: It's something to do with a baby, Niobe says

People are acting so strangely over here....what's all that fuss over a baby born yesterday or something? Babies get born every frickin' day....They are nice, them. Babies. I like them. I might even get one of my own. Not that I've not made a lot of them already, but never seen them...oh, yea, except one: the one I made with the Gyp-o princess...So I say to Niobe: a baby may be a wonder, but if that is so, then wonders happen every day. Even thru ME!

Well, isn't that a wonder? says she.....

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That Gyp-o princess, now that's good c****!

Pullo

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December 25th, MMV: Dies Feriales

Yup, holiday season has arrived in Rome! Ahae! Isn't there always something to celebrate here? We are the nation with the largest amount of religious festival days and holidays there has ever been....I wonder how we Romans can ever find some time to work! :D

People keep stopping by my place to bestow these nice gifts of food on me. Mostly they are women.....It's the time of year, they say....Glory of god in heaven and on earth, they say....Well, I wouldn't know about that, but if they say it's good work they are doing, I totally agree with that!! It's good work to keep Pullo fed, because he mostly can't do it himself, hahae!

So please, if you still have some polenta, tapioca, bread and wine left from your house parties held in these days, this is the place to bring it to....It will be appreciated (Eirene says "thank you" too)!

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"Run and hide, run and hide, you red Gaulish c*****s, the Thirteenth are coming and your men are all dead...."

Pullo

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December 23rd, MMV: Small thoughts today

Yea, I'm in a hurry and so is the whole insula...Rome is gearing up for triumph, party and lots of unadulterated fun. Vorenus is running for office, the cunning cad. I still can't figure out how he deserved it. If it hadn't been for Titus Pullo, he would have been eaten by the worms of the earth by now, the fag....Some people have all the luck.

And me? Well, I'm broke, drunk, I feel miserable, but I still got my Eirene!!!

"Eireeeeeneeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!"

"Hey, shut up, you! We want to sleep!!"

"Penem cuncti meum sugite! Sum Titus Pullo, annon!"

Yup, that was last night. Had it up here in Latin, or else I'll get censored...Heheh!

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"Priests. Crooks, many of 'em. I just talk direct to whatever god I'm doing business with. B****r the priests."

Pullo

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December 21st, MMV: Pullo's thoughts, Vorenus' writings

*Yawn!* Stretch....

I'm sitting here in Niobe's kitchen. Vorenus' house. The man woke me up in the middle of the night (3rd hour in the morning, so he claims) because of the journal entry. It must happen now or not at all today, he says. For he is a busy man. *sigh* I suppose so. I suppose praefecti are busy men, busy harassing legionaries and bullying them around. Oh well, he has the brains for it, that's a fact. You don't need a heart, me thinks, to become a praefectus....But he can read and write and I can't, that's the cac of it. I always need someone, mostly him to help me out with these things...

Hmmm, stop yapping gerras and carry on with it? Yea, why not, eh?

Who I am? Well, the person who wrote that bit before this one, must be an educated fellow, but from what I heard, he has it all wrong. That's what you get from these hired scribes (OOC: this doesn't refer to the nice people who are admins at this site) off late....Who I am?

I am Titus Pullo, legionary of Caesars Thirteenth Legion (a ruinous skeleton of an outfit, but the best you can find from the Column of Hercules to the West to the riverbanks of the Indus, and that is a far walking stretch, I can tell you...)

What more is there to tell you about me? (Takes another piece of bread and enjoys another bowl of Niobe's delicious porridge) I am an orphan (*weeps a titbit*), yes sir. My mother died when I was very young. If I were to die now, I am sure she would not recognize me if I found her in the afterlife. Wonder if they got a system for people to recognize eachother. I remember my mother very well. She was a sweet woman (like all women are, eh?) And the more years I get, the sweeter she gets, ain't that funny now? She would get socked off her heels for laughter if she were to meet me in the afterlife, such a big brute of a man coming at her, hugging and kissing her....(*laughs*) I never knew my father. My mother must have been a very beautiful woman, really. I never knew him, he also never passed by to check on my mother and me. Never. My mother said he was a soldier. Probably. But my fellow legionaries always ask me if my father was a Gaul or a German, because I am such a big man....Well, I don't know, but I think about it quite often. Now that I have been working a lot in Gaul with these Ubian boys, I like to think that my father was an Ubian: big, fearless and well with the horse and the women....And that I take after him!

What's there to say more, Vorenus? Nothing much, eh? That scribe put one thing well in his ditty entry before this one. My life in short: "I like to kill my enemy, take their gold and enjoy their women."

Anything else?.....Oh yes, Vorenus says: "You like to gamble a lot, get into trouble and large debt and come to me to get you out of trouble...."

Eh...yea, that's quite right, innit?

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"Here I come, girls! I'm going to drink all the wine and smoke all the smoke and **** every whore in the City."

Pullo

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