Wedding Day Jitters

I have never been one to be frightful, never been one to allow nerves to come between something, yet today I'm shaking while my nerves eat me up inside. I take deep breaths trying to calm myself because I know this is meant to be. I know I love Fitzwilliam Darcy and I know that what we have is real. I know I'm marrying him not because of my mother, father, sisters, but because of me. I know that I'm marrying him because I love him, I know it. So why do my insides quiver so much? That I don't know. I take in a deep breath and exhale trying to calm the mess within me, trying to keep my breakfast from hurling out because I can feel it coming. It's not working. So, I change my thoughts of the marriage to my past with Darcy, my husband to be. Our first encounter was not the best, in fact I despised him after we met originally at the Meryton Assembly. I will never forget it, nor will I allow him to forget it, in fact. He not only snubbed me but insulted me afterwards and I thought the worst of him. In fact I was sure I loathed him at that point. He was the most proud, self centered man I have ever met and yet here I am to marry him.

My feelings towards him did not get any better after the Meryton assmebly, in fact I grew to despise him more when I met Mr. Wickham who told me the worst news of Darcy. How well I remember the disgust I felt towards him. When Mr. Wickham stated that Darcy ignored his father's dying wish, out of spite, to take revenge on him because his father love him more, I was mortified. I then learned that Darcy ruined my sister's relationship with Mr. Bingley, the man she loved wholeheartedly. I was appalled by his actions. Then he had the nerve to propose to me in the worst manner ever with not a bit of love in his words. Yet with all of the drama there was goodness in him, for I learned the truth about Fitzwilliam Darcy.

I learned that everything Mr. Wickham said was a lie, that Mr. Wickham was sent off because he tried to marry Darcy's youger sister, the innocent Mrs. Darcy. I learned that Darcy was indeed a good man when I took a trip to Pemberly. The good news his maid spoke of him, of how respectful and honest Darcy truly was warmed my feelings towards him. I learned that after Lydia made the foolish mistake of running off with Mr. Wickham, after I shunned him off, Darcy covered for our family pushing Wickham to marry him. There is a world of good in Fitzwilliam Darcy and now, as I make my way with my fingers interlaced with my dear sister, a calmness washes over me because I know there's no mistake in this. I know there's no turning back and there's no need to turn back because I am going to marry the man I love.