PAGE ONE

PANEL 1 - EXT. DUSK - SLIGHT WORM'S EYE - We're TIGHT on an overhanging shop sign, not unlike one you'd see at an auto garage. It's swaying in the wind of an autumn evening. It would definitely CREAK if we could hear it.

The sign reads:

PANEL 2 - REVERSE ANGLE - SLIGHT BIRD'S EYE - The person looking up at that sign is RONALD GREENLY, an obese and unpleasant fellow. Some autumn leaves swirl about him in the breeze.

1 RONALD: "We tinker with time..."

2 RONALD: More like waste it, I'm sure.

PANEL 3 - FROM BEHIND HIM - He moves to ring the doorbell, when A BLACK GLOVED HAND CLAMPS DOWN ON HIS RIGHT SHOULDER.

3 RONALD: >sigh<

4 RONALD: Here goes nothin'.

5 SFX: Ding -

6 RONALD: WHAT THE --?!

PANEL 4 - TIGHT ON RONALD as he whips around, awestruck.

7 SFX: - Dong!

8 RONALD (lowercase): oh my god...

PANEL 1 - RONALD'S P.O.V. - SLIGHT UPSHOT - The radiant and handsome rock star physicist, Professor Victor Sands!

1 RONALD (off panel): ...you're really, really good looking!

PANEL 2 - MEDIUM on Victor and Ronald. Victor has his hand outstretched in greeting, while Ronald rudely has his arms folded atop his belly. His body language blares "defensive".

2 VICTOR: Well, I adhere to a strict Pilates regimen, exfoliate nightly with an aloe-based vegan formula and jump back a day if I gain a pound.

3 VICTOR: Which, of course, is why you contacted us, Mr. Greenly.

4 VICTOR: Hi, I'm Vi--

5 RONALD: -- the infamous Professor Victor Sands.

6 RONALD: Professor Abrams said just look for the guy that disgraces fashion even moreso then he does Oxford with his nutjob time travel theories.

PANEL 3 - Victor, insulted by this unwarranted blast of rudeness, but maintaining his composure.

NO DIALOGUE.

PANEL 4 - Recovering, Victor , ever the polite host, is opening the door and guiding Ronald in nonetheless.

7 VICTOR: Hmm.

8 VICTOR: Yes, well, my colleague can say what he will.

9 VICTOR (smaller; under breath): The man wouldn't recognize style if it were his twin.

10 VICTOR: So, inside then, yes?

PANEL 5 - Victor and Ronald walking down a stark, sterile corridor, not unlike the kind you'd find in a lab.

11 VICTOR: Sooo...is physics your major, or - ?

12 RONALD: Let's cut the crap.

13 RONALD: We both know you and your crew of charlatans haven't created an actual wormhole within a controlled environment.

14 RONALD: After you fail to send me back in time, I'll report back to Professor Abrams and that should be the final tug he needs to pull your departmental chair out from under you.

15 VICTOR: Looks like it's going to be a day of many letdowns then.

16 VICTOR (smaller; under breath): Like mine, that all fat men were jolly.

PANEL 6 - They've come to the end of the corridor, and Victor is proudly displaying what is to be revealed on PAGE 3. His arm is outstretched (WAH-LA!) with a game show hostess' flair, while Ronald looks genuinely unimpressed.

17 VICTOR: Anyhoo, Ronald - may I present the future.

18 VICTOR: And the past.

19 VICTOR: Um, presently.

PANEL 1 - THEIR P.O.V. - BIG PANEL - The Mechanics' workspace - a messy warehouse space cluttered with computers, jury-rigged machinery, lab equipment etc. CENTERMOST IS A CIRCULAR PLATFORM (not unlike the classic Star Trek teleport deck) flanked by a phalanx of control panels in a semi-circle around it.

In the midst of this and working are EMIL and ANDY.

EMIL is glancing over, cock-eyed and annoyed at the intrusion.

ANDY is blank and expressionless.

NO DIALOGUE

PANEL 2 - Andy is taking Ronald's jacket as Ronald looks at him strangely and addresses Victor about his concerns.

1 VICTOR: Andy, would you mind taking our guest's jacket?

2 RONALD: Uh...is he a little...ah...?

3 VICTOR: Andy was born without a corpus callosum - the link between the two hemispheres of the brain.

PANEL 3 - Victor, explaining.

4 VICTOR: While it does leave him bereft of certain "normal" traits, somehow he has faster mathematical calculation than a Cray supercomputer, and complete recall of everything he's ever read, seen or heard.

5 VICTOR: He's a super-mega-savant.

6 VICTOR: A one in a billion gift.

7 VICTOR: Without him, we'd never devised the three formulas that made time travel possible.

PANEL 4 - Andy, holding Ronald's jacket, rambles in a savant tangent. Emil enters frame to calm him.

8 ANDY: heh. heh.

9 ANDY: Threeformulationsbabyformulaandbabymakesthreethirdtimes thecharmwhatstheharminalittlefunwithrudelittlepiggies

10 EMIL: Shush now, Andy. Don't get all excited, dear boy.

PANEL 5 - Victor introduces Ronald to a cranky Emil.

11 VICTOR: And this ray of sunshine is Doctor Emil Tilbery.

12 VICTOR: My invaluable wingman is not only a brilliant quantum physicist and a leading expert on savantism, but a vicar as well.

13 VICTOR: He has spiritual issues with our work, but--

14 RONALD: Wait, wait - a man of God and science?

15 RONALD: Spend most days beating the crap out of yourself, eh?

PANEL 1 - Emil, arms folded, gives Ronald a withering look.

NO DIALOGUE

PANEL 2 - EXACT SAME PANEL - only Emil's index finger peeks out from the fold of his arm, indicating "1".

1 EMIL: That's one.

PANEL 3 - Victor leads Ronald away from Emil.

2 RONALD: "One" what?

3 VICTOR (whispering): It's best not to annoy Emil.

4 VICTOR (whispering ; joined): Makes Naomi Campbell seem like a Buddhist monk when he gets rankled.

PANEL 4 - They've moved to a consoles/machines with beepy lights area with a few well-padded chairs. Victor is in the process of seating himself as Ronald speaks.

5 VICTOR: So - besides assassinating any hope I have of tenure - why do want us to try and send you back in time, rather than forward?

6 RONALD: Well...I haven't always been a man of such...carriage.

PANEL 5 - BIRD'S EYE VIEW of Andy and Emil gathering near Victor in a semi circle 'round the pontificating Ronald.

7 RONALD: I was a pro bodybuilder, in fact. Won some competitions, and many trophies.

8 RONALD: One such trophy was a beautiful Slovakian with eyes like a sunset and deltoids like a speed bump.

9 RONALD: But after she left me, I gave up working out and filled the void in my life with bacon double cheeseburgers.

10 RONALD: Before her though, that was my golden age.

PANEL 6 - TIGHT on Ronald, as he strikes the EXACT SAME POSE his younger, more fit counterpart stands in on PAGE 5.

11 RONALD: To put it simply, I want muscles again.

12 ANDY (off panel): heh. heh.

13 ANDY: IWantMusclesa1982hitforDianaRossonthe--

14 EMIL (off panel) Shush, Andy, please.

15 VICTOR (off panel) : Continue, Ronald.

PANEL 1 - EXT. BEACH - The SCRAWNY WIMP and his GIRL having sand kicked in their face by a barely obscured, buff RONALD (we only see his torso and leg)

1 WIMP: Hey, quit kicking sand in our faces!

2 GIRL: This never happened when I was dating rappers!

PANEL 2 - Ronald has grabbed the arm of the scrawny wimp and chews him out as the girl looks on.

3 RONALD: Listen here, I'd smash your face...only it'd be an absolute sin to sully such perfect bone structure!

PANEL 3 - The wimp stews as the Girl chides him.

4 WIMP: The big bully! I'll get even someday!

5 GIRL: That's all you'll be getting, little girl!

PANEL 4 - INT. BEDROOM - The wimp (now in a casual suit) kicks over a chair as he holds an open book.

6 WIMP: I'm sick and tired of being a little girl! Chuck Map says here he can give me a real body! I'll gamble $300 and get his wonder drugs!

PANEL 5 - The former Wimp (clad only in Speedos)is now buff and muscular, admires his new physique in the mirror.

7 CAPTION: LATER

8 WIMP: It didn't take Map long to do this for me! What muscles! A shame about my package, but at least that bully won't shove me around again!

PANEL 6 - EXT. BEACH - The comedy twist! Ronald DECKS the wimp with a RIGHT JAB as the girl looks on.

9 RONALD: You got a little schmutz on your cheek, here, let me get that for you!

PANEL 7 - Ronald with the girl on his arm as two beachgoers in the background comment.

10 CAP: HERO OF THIS BEEYOTCH!

11 GIRL: Oh, Ronald, you are the real man!

12 FEMALE B.G.: Gosh, what a jerk!

13 MALE B.G.: But the dude can rock a Speedo!

PANEL 1 - SMALL PANEL of Ronald, looking wistful as he winds down from his memories, and Victor rolling his eyes.

1 RONALD: But...all that is long gone, seeing as how your whole set-up here is a sham.

2 VICTOR: I assure you, our time machine does work.

PANEL 2 - RECTANGULAR PANEL of Ronald and Victor, panned hard to the extreme left and the extreme right (need room for the word balloons for this to work properly).

3 VICTOR: I've flown kites with Ben Franklin...

4 VICTOR: ...gotten drunk with Caravaggio and painted frescoes 'til dawn...

5 VICTOR: ...stopped Britney from ever meeting K-Fed.

6 RONALD: ?

7 RONALD: Who's K-Fed?

8 VICTOR: You're welcome.

PANEL 3 - A BIT TIGHTER on Ronald and Victor.

9 RONALD: Let's pretend for a second I believe you - those are rather frivolous reasons, yes?

10 RONALD: I mean, shouldn't you aim the bar a little higher?

11 RONALD: Like killing Hitler -

12 RONALD: - or at least his art teacher -

13 RONALD: - y'know, something that ennobles the species?

14 VICTOR: Well, sure, if you wanna be obvious.

PANEL 4 - TIGHT on Emil.

15 EMIL: What I hope Victor means is we should never mess with major events that have, for better or worse, shaped the progress of humanity and societies' current courses.

16 EMIL: No amount of equating can even begin to predict the ripple effect of such meddling.

PANEL 5 - TIGHT on Ronald, with a smartass smirk.

17 RONALD: Couldn't you just pray, and God will make it all better?

PANEL 6 - Emil, arms crossed, completely displeased.

NO DIALOGUE.

PANEL 7 - EXACT SAME PANEL, only a "two" gesture peeks out from the fold of his arms.

NO DIALOGUE.

PANEL 1 - Victor shoots an OFF-PANEL Emil a sharp look while making a "go ahead" gesture to Ronald. Ronald has one eyebrow cocked up like he doesn't understand what's going on.

1 VICTOR: Emil, please.

2 VICTOR: Could you just go to the controls and fire up the machine?

3 VICTOR: Ronald, go stand on the platform, if you will.

PANEL 2 - Ronald, a bit out of breath, stepping up onto the platform as Victor joins Emil behind the control consoles.

4 RONALD: >phew<

5 RONALD: That's all?

6 VICTOR: Yep. The wormhole continuum is formed from that chronal division emitter above you, and we simply pull levers for "forward" or "reverse" based on when and where and then the "jump" is made.

7 VICTOR: Don't worry, you're in no danger.

8 VICTOR (smaller ; under breath) : tickles a bit though.

PANEL 3 - UPSHOT from the floor, we're watching Ronald on the platform much like one would watch someone on stage at a club.

9 RONALD: Oh, I'm far from worried.

10 RONALD: This is real life, not some ponderous comic book story.

11 RONALD: I don't expect to end up able to shoot webs out of my ass or anything.

PANEL 4 - TIGHTER ON Ronald, smug and sarcastic as can be.

12 RONALD: What I expect is an arena rock lightshow, followed by Methuselah there having the retard bonk me on the noggin.

13 RONALD: When I awake, you'll tell me of all the wonders I saw, but somehow I just won't quite be able to remember them.

14 RONALD: That is how this parlor trick goes, eh?

PANEL 5 - Emil, behind the console, and once again stone faced and insulted.

NO DIALOGUE.

PANEL 6 - TIGHT on the controls as Emil's weathered hands shoves both the CLEARLY MARKED "forward" and "reverse" levers to full in tandem (One should go hard north, the other hard south)

15 EMIL (off panel): And baby makes three.

DOUBLE PAGE SPREAD

Ronald is being pulled apart as he's sucked thru the space/time continuum!

He's screaming in agony as his skin is stretching every which way, revealing the wet red glistening musculature beneath, his primary nervous system is on the outside of his freaking-out skin like a tattoo, his eyes are popped out and going in two different directions as they swing on their stems, maybe the odd foot or hand is purely skeletal - whatever insanely and cartoonishly gory imagery comes to your mind.

The time continuum is a swirling, churning cyclone of years and events, so make years and people part of the "walls" of this cyclone/tunnel.

1346, 2795, 2000 A.D., 680 B.C., 2112, 1776, 2017, 3008 and so on.

Have "flashes" of events as well - The Knights Templar, A future city with flying vehicles, A Nazi rally, an iPhone, whatever springs to mind.

PANEL 1 - Victor and Emil behind the console, illuminated by the light of the off-panel continuum. Victor looks blasé, as if numb and bored of what must be a horrific sight.

1 RONALD (off-panel): AAAAAHHHH!!!!!

PANEL 2 - SAME PANEL - only Victor has turned to Emil.

2 VICTOR: Emil, come on. Enough already.

3 VICTOR: This is the third time you've done this to the man.

PANEL 3 - SAME PANEL as Panel 2.

4 EMIL: Oh, unclench "Vickie". The rude piggy deserves it.

5 EMIL: I'll jump him back again to ten minutes ago.

6 EMIL: Go wait outside for him one last time, please.

PANEL 4 - SAME PANEL - only a very pissed Victor's walking out of frame.

7 VICTOR: This better be the last time, swear-to-Christ!

8 EMIL: Please refrain from casual blasphemy.

9 VICTOR (smaller ; under breath): I can't sit through that dumb muscles story again.

PANEL 5 - SAME PANEL - Emil, now alone, stares hard at the off panel Victor.

10 VICTOR (off panel): Why are so-called "men of God" always such bloody sadists?!

PANEL 6 - EXACT SAME PANEL

NO DIALOGUE.

PANEL 7 - EXACT SAME PANEL, only Emil's made a "one" gesture.

11 EMIL: That's one.

PANEL 8 - USE THE EXACT PANEL 1 FROM PAGE 1 - for Credits!!

Writer: Thommy Melanson

Artist: Robert Robinson

Letterer: Tom Mauer