Weirdness Abounds

*Dies from Elijah Wood deprivation*

*Is too busy watching a certain mud-fight*

Yeah a certain football player v a certain hobbit ring-bearer!

With a certain spiderman as referee

In a certain rangers house/mansion

Perhaps with a certain leg-less elf girl.....

Clinging onto a certain other hobbit gardener

Joined by a certain hobbit companion AKA - YOU!

Cheering on her hobbit husband while joined by 2 other hobbits together in a certain way I.E. Svul

Although you don’t spell it like that. HEY! Can we add Steven Gerrard to this weird wacked out fantasy? And WHERE AM I?!

A certain hobbit wife is joined by a small green friend and her husband/football hunk

I'm starting to like this! Oooh! Chocolate fountain!

*Is resurrected while watching a certain hobbit in certain mud-fight in a certain rangers house*

DUUUUDE! The reindeer's back too! And PITCHFORK!

And a certain hobbit is winning a certain mud-fight with a certain footballer while wearing a certain swimsuit and the next fight is a certain hobbit wife v the reindeer.

Errr......... I think I'll leave for that one............Noo! poor Frank .L.!

Viggo falls into vat of chocolate and Orlando

Dude, where's my green sheep?

Its disguised itself, hidden somewhere you'll never guess where!!

DARN IT! I thought I sent them to the glue factory!

He's hidden in a field!! (in the glue factory) *A certain hobbit ring-bearer comes over to a certain hobbit wife, reindeer and a certain small green friend and a certain footballer/husband* "It's your fight now, I'll be in the choco fountain (Dude!)" *Walks away*

*much drooling*"Do I seriously have to watch you and reindeer in mud?!!!SCARRED!"

*Calls Orlando, Viggo and a certain hobbit husband* "Change of plan, can you fight instead? There's a reward!" *Guys agree excitedly while a certain loser/football player looks on longingly*

I'm really start to like this! Essay much? There are a few too many (Two!) footballer in here. Me is confuddled!

*The guys fight and a certain spiderman referee gets caught in it soon a certain hobbit ring-bearer, a certain footballer/loser, a certain small green friend, a certain hobbit wife, a certain ranger, a certain elf-girl, a certain spiderman, a certain svul hobbit couple, a certain reindeer, a certain footballer/husband, a certain hobbit gardener and a certain green sheep are all wrestling in the mud and chocolate fountain*

DUDE, essay much? What is with the ESSAY'S!? (Just for the record, though, that was quite a fun essay!) Now they're wrestling in chocolate?! I LIKE IT MORE AND MORE!

You will like it even more because guess what the reward is!

What?! TELL, TELL! I MUST KNOW!

The reward is...................... CLEANING IT ALL UP! (P.S. Communal shower)

While ever so slightly twisted....... *Runs to turn hot water on*

Cool (P.S. Open communal shower + Fit guys = EYE CANDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

................................. *Is too busy drooling to reply in coherent sentences*.....m.....h........a.......f....*muffled*

*Draws diagram* "I need to draw a diagram (of where the guys are in the showers!) *Proceeds to do so, then drools more than you*

DARN YOU! Evil! *Tries to think up good excuse to perve*...... I'm .......... I'm .......... I'm doing an exam on the male anatomy! HONEST!

*Guys looks insulted at your pathetically lame and predictable excuse* Frank Lampard "You could have just asked!" *Others nod*

"Okay, 'may' I please join Chloe in perving at the communal shower experience?"

Elijah "As long as you stand behind that mirrored window" Orlando "Please..........OW!" Viggo "Sorry Orlando I didn't see you there" *Sniggers behind hand, Orlando looks sceptical*

While I am confuddled........... WHO CARES?! *Drool* *More drool* *Puddle*

Toby Maguire shouts "And stop drooling you're making my feet complain" Elijah "Who's hogging the shampoo?" *Looks pointedly at Orlando and the big cloud of foam on his head* *Orlando looks insulted*

Orlando "Dude my hair doesn't get super soft and shiny by magic!"

Elijah "Well neither does mine!" *Minor scuffle over shampoo* Viggo "Stop fighting ladies you don't want to break a nail!" *Viggo thinks to self "I could do with a drink"*

*Passes out whiskey and popcorn I've been scoffing, while watching action*

Viggo "Cheeersss" *Slurred*

DUDE! I was saving that for the next mud/chocolate wrestle *Pointed look at loser/football player* "By the way, where did Chloe go?"

*Voice from over the mirrored window* "I'm here, it’s time to tell them about their reward" *Orlando and Dominic to Viggo* "What are you going to do about your place Vig?" "Yeah, it's a muddy dump" *Viggo shrugs shoulders as I walk over* *Elijah to Viggo* "Don't you start hogging the soap" *Minor scuffle over the soap, I break it up*

*More incoherent sentences* Someone pinch me please..(Note:- I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING CHLOE! THE INVITATION TO PINCH ME IS SARCASTIC/RHETORICAL!)

*Looks innocent* "I wasn't thinking that, but maybe Steven Gerrard was" *Gerrard looks shocked* "HEY!"

Hey, he can pinch me anyday! *Day dreams in the corner of my sick and twisted mind*

*Addresses guys* "Anyway, while Lauren's in dreamland, your reward is to clean Viggo's place" *Viggo wear's a knowing look* "I thought you’d say that so I called a maid and they've cleaned it up. ha!"

*Comes out of corner of mind, looking dazed* "What'd I miss? Please tell me I didn't miss more soap scuffles?! DEAR GOD, NOOO!!

Elijah "No you didn't, but now Toby's hogging MY razor and NO WAY am I'm using it now!" *Toby drops razor* "I didn't do it!"

*Looks sheepishly at pile of hair around my feet* "Well it DEFINITELY WASN'T ME!" *Shoves razor into Chloe's hand's*

Vig "Hey Lauren THAT ONE'S MINE!" *Snatches and cuts hand* "Now look what you made me do!" *You and Viggo look dagger's at each other* "If you're going fight at least do it in mud and chocolate" *Nod's of agreement*

"Dude's does the notion of cleaning one's self in shower mean nothing to you?! The purpose of showering is not to get clean so you can make as much mess as possible again!" (No, the purpose of the shower is providing a way for Chloe and I to perve. But I didn't say that)

Viggo "Who care's, I have a lot of hot water and a lot of mud/chocolate" SPLAT *Wet, mud stained flannel hits Viggo on the back of the head* "Who did that?"

*Reindeer tries to feign innocence and fails miserably*

SPLATTER *Soapy sponge hits reindeer on the nose* *Reindeer looks at Dominic sniggering behind his hand*

Oh No. I can just see how this is going end, *Gets muddy flannel in the face*

*All out soap/mud war is declared* *Orlando slips and falls into Viggo and Elijah*

Orlando "This is not cool! I just did my hair!" *Everyone immediately sends their 'ammo' in his direction*

*Elijah hides behind Orlando until Orlando moves and Elijah gets a face full of flannel*

*Laughs hysterically until Dominic starts a pile on. Is squished*

*Until now I was hiding from the war but now climbs on top of the pile* Toby "Hey, who's pinching my ass!" *Reindeer tries to look innocent* *Fails Miserably*

Darn lack of paper! Darn the reindeer to pinch Toby's bum before me! Darn this stupid test!

Orlando *from bottom of pile* *muffled* "What? The 'Exam on the male anatomy' test"

........YES! THAT! EXACTLY THAT! *Shifty eyes*

*Guy's get up and I fall to the floor* Elijah "Oop's sorry." *Is helped up* *Lauren has disappeared in a crowd of men*

My dream come true! *Melts*

*The NAKED WET men, shower again*

Are you TRYING to KILL me!?!?!?!?!?!? I think YES!

*Lauren has a heart attack* *Is given mouth to mouth*

OH NO! You're going to do something horrible and say its THE REINDEER! NO! STEVEN GERRARD!

"No!" *Halo appears*

*Halo falls, breaks* "Hey, am I alive yet or is mouth to mouth still going on? *Looks hopeful*

*Your eye's open and Frank Lampard is all you see* "She's alive!"

I can't be alive because this looks a lot like HEAVEN!

*Orlando rolls eyes* "I think she was faking it!"

"WOW. Orlando catches on very quick doesn't he?!" *Sarcasm abounds*

"Yeah because Orlando is a ..........." *Elijah puts a wet hand over my mouth* "You don't want to see him when he's ANGRY!"

"Go on. Say it! You know you want to!"

*Muffled* "A bit stupid!" *Orlando looks shocked, breaks down and cries*

"Dudes, let's give the give the girly-elf a hug!" *Does so*

*Orlando is squashed, along with several others, including me* "Sorry, Orlando" Orlando "It's OK." *Kisses my cheek*

"Err.......I have run out of things to say." *Stares at Frank Lampard, then at Dominic, then at Toby* "I'm so torn for where to put my eyes!"

Elijah "Dude-ette, you're not seriously considering taking your eyes out, are you?" *Elijah is Disgusted*

"DUH, I'm scared of my eye's! Why the monkeys would I want to take them OUT?! It's a figure of speech!"

*Loud silence* Viggo "SKINNY DIPPING!" *Run's from the room to his indoor swimming pool* *Other’s follow*

*Is too excited to move, see's Elijah jumping in* "Never mind, I'm over it!" *Sprint's to pool*

*Is too busy dive-bombing from the spring board to notice Viggo and Orlando planning revenge*

*Surface's* "Duh, photographic memory ring any bells?" Elijah "It ring's a bell with me because I wrote it" *Shocked face*

Wait, so you wrote the 'sea monkeys' thing?" *Shakes hand* "You're a genius!"

*I notice the lack of other people in the pool and the EMPTY packet of dye* *I also notice Orlando and Viggo sniggering* "Wha.....OH!" *Skin is dyed red*

"TEE HEE! I'm so glad I'm not in yet! Look on the bright side! If you colours most of yourself white and leave a one red cross you'll be set up for the world cup!"

*Storm's out in direction of the shower for vigorous scrubbing* "This had better come off!" *Walks behind Viggo, Orlando and You and pushes you all in the pool*

*Viggo and Orlando follow me to the shower while Elijah changes the water in the pool*

"Dude, you are so unsupportive of ENGLAND. A curse on both your both your houses!!!" (Even there's is only one of you!)

*Me, Viggo and Orlando return, grab you and throw you off the high dive*

"Okay, now I'm GLAD Elijah changed the water. I don't love footie THAT much. Did the dye come off?"

*Dye goes down the drain as you speak* *Steven Gerrard, Frank Lampard, Toby Maguire, Billy Boyd, Sean Asten and reindeer get bored and leave* *Speaker buzzes* "Yo, Vig, It's Jonny, open up!" *Viggo presses button to open gate to drive* *Jonny Depp appears in the doorway* "Cool!"

SQUEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! *faint's, hoping for more mouth to mouth*

*Orlando dumps the contents of a can onto your face* "She was faking it, Jonny"

"NOO! You've blown my cover stupid elf-man/girl!"

*Bubbles erupt from Dominic* "Oops!" *Viggo looks disgusted* "Dom, that's gross!"

"Eww!" *Is grossed out, moves away from the pool quickly*

*Dom look's sheepish* "Talking of sheep, where did that green one go?" *Sheep is discovered in a dark corner, eating pitchfork*

"Ew, sporked sheep........so I guess it's lamb for tea tonight?"

*Orlando looks horrified* "I won't, I'm vegetarian!"

"Tough! You don't want what I cook, you don't eat! OMG! OMG! I've turned into my MOTHER!!!

Viggo "At least your not my mother.......She's dead!"

"Dude, that's depressing!" *Goes away to weep over my Mother-ness*

*Jonny and I chase after you* Jonny "Are you alright?"

*Suddenly stops stabbing Viggo voodoo doll and hide's it behind back* "FINE! I'M FINE!"

*I smirk as voodoo doll pokes a pin in your back and you jump* Me "Come and swim then" *Whispers* "and I could use the real Viggo for those pins!" *Jonny and I leave you to hide voodoo doll*

*Returns to pool, whistling innocently* "I was soooo not trying to torture Viggo with a voodoo doll." *More whistling (It's Darth Vader’s tune!)*

Viggo "Lets eat!" *pokes Orlando's stomach*

"We're eating his stomach?! We don't know where it's been!"

Viggo "NO! I was just pointing out that's he's all skin and bones" *Orlando looks insulted* Orlando "and I want to stay that way thank you!" *Viggo lead's the way to the dining room*

*Look's suspiciously at green leg of lamb on the table. Shrugs* "Let's eat!"

*Dig's in* SPLAT! *Jonny (On my right) receives a face full chocolate, sticky pudding* "What the....?" *Orlando sniggers into his pudding with Viggo* (P.S. Both had chosen chocolate sticky pudding to start for some reason)

"HEY! I missed the chocolate pudding! GIVE! GIVE!" *Evil Darth Vader choking of Orlando ensues* "Come to the DARK SIDE! Oop’s, wrong film!"

*Everyone throw's sticky chocolate pudding in your direction........a few miss and hit everyone else* Elijah "FOOD FIGHT!!!"

Random thought - This note is missing one vital ingredient.... *Throws Elijah a kilt* *Resume's chocolate throwing* "This is just another excuse for a shower again *Pointed look at the starter of the fight........Chloe!*

*Elijah hold up the kilt and look's confusedly at it* "Dude, what am I supposed to do with Billy's skirt.......I mean........Kil..........Kilt........right?"

"KILT! It be a KILT! DUDE! You insult Scotland! Chloe, get your bagpipes out."

*Elijah backs away slowly and calls Dominic over to help him put the kilt on, Dominic is also backing away* Dominic to Elijah "She looks like she's going to explode!" *Elijah nods* Elijah to Dominic *indicating Kilt* "How does this work?........I know you help Bill with his...." *Dominic pulls off Elijah's trousers and shows him how you put it on....* Dominic to Elijah "Traditionally you're not supposed to wear underwear either..." *Elijah raises quizzical eyebrow*

*Nods enthusiastically* "You will insult my ancestors if you don't. and that will make me angry. Don’t make me [smurf tune], you won't like me when I'm [smurf tune]."