The title to this blog post may be slightly misleading. Why? Some people in this big wide world may not know what I am actually referring to when I use the term, Anorak. Well, I am referring to all of the men and women across this wide world, who have a obsession with big, long emasculated things, that run about on four wheels, with engines more akin to a whaling banshee in some cases (travel on a Arriva Neoplan and you will know what I mean).
I have always had a fondness for buses since I was a little kid. The size and the way they imposed themselves on the road was absolutely fascinating to me. My mum grew to love buses as well, as it meant that the chubby little kid that she was carrying would briefly stop screaming if he caught a glimpse of a towering bus screaming past.
Even though these machines fascinated me, there were also times that I was absolutely petrified of them. This usually happened in various nightmares when I conjured images of CMT National’s driving the wrong way down roads or Halton Lynx’s chasing me around pub car parks. The scariest nightmare of them all was sitting on the roof of a double decker, whilst it went around bends more akin to a rally track. You can now tell why I am writing these very words from the local Mental Asylum whilst typing with my toes.
The thing that I regret most of all when I was little was that I disliked sitting on the top deck of a double decker. Now I love it the experience, now that if I get a chance to do it, as there is a better chance of Amy Winehouse becoming a nun than a double decker appearing on the routes that I mainly use. In my opinion double decker are even more fascinating to me, as they are now a slight indulgence due to not travelling on them very much. Double decker’s also give you a different perspective of the world due to yourself seeing the world from a different angle; a angle far better than the angles that you see from the monotony of single deck buses that plague Merseyside at this moment in time.
Even though I have been fascinated by buses all of my life, I have only just started to involve myself within the Internet community, that is dedicated to this form of transport. I have always loved riding buses but now I also have a direct fascination into were certain buses are at this moment in time, the sense of excitement and mystery you get in trying seeing were and what routes they are going to end up on next is truly fascinating as well.
That concludes my little piece on this little journey in my life. Hopefully people will submit articles themselves on their little journeys into the world of anoraks as each of these journeys will be unique and no doubt be a very interesting read!
I have been told that women love a man who can make them laugh or “lol” in the case of those depressive spotty tax dodger’s that are normally referred to in their more politically correct term: teenagers. If one of these buses were a man, they would be about as funny as a newsreader; therefore they symbolize most of the men and lads that roam this earth. Personally I think that the key to being funny is to not try to be funny but let it come naturally. I’m getting it sort of right- people laugh when I’m talking but there not laughing with me, they are laughing at me.
These buses certainly wouldn’t win a medal for creativity and flair and they are essentially an uninteresting and unimaginative rectangle. Essentially these buses seem to have been made by an engineer who is about as creative as a dead person. To be honest these buses remind me of the buses that people draw when they’re little; full of straight lines as that is all that they are capable of. Maybe the engineer picked up his little kid’s latest scrawl instead of the drawing designs for the bus.
The interior of these buses varies quite dramatically from garish yellows and the dreaded red spotted seats to a brown carpet extravaganza that feels like you’re being transported back to your grandparent’s front room. All in all most interiors of the Arriva darts are imaginative (in some cases) yet mostly boring and uninteresting. The worst interior in Arriva Darts in my opinion has got to be the “brown carpet” interior. Whoever decided this livery was good deserves to be shot. How on earth would want to put pieces of brown carpet on the backs of seats and all over the roof? It is good job that these have been withdrawn as I can imagine the fun that the undesirables of this world would have wrecking the carpet-backed seats.
The overall condition of the inside of these buses is pretty bad with the ex South Lancs Darts being the only exception to the rule. Graffiti and chipped paintwork don’t make for the best of impressions- they certainly give a new description to the term “well used”.
Moving onto the agility of these vehicles, some of these darts can be quite nippy when faced with an open road that doesn’t seem to have a traffic volume consisting of the whole of England. These roads are in short supply as to where the darts usually end up, as they tend to travel on roads with the average speed of a snail. These buses are certainly not a “muscle” bus, they are more like a marathon runner whereas they may not be the most physically imposing of things but they certainly can get a move on when the situation sees fit.
The suspension on these vehicles isn’t too bad- certainly not in the Pathfinder category but there is certainly “room for improvement” in these stakes. They are the types of buses that if you were to go over a speed bump, your head is prone to smack the roof and put you into a daze. In these type of dazes you are prone to agree with anything so be aware when the missus wants to travel on one of these buses.
If you were to hit the roof, your bum would have a soft landing, as the seats mainly used in these buses are adequately comfortable. There seems to be masses of padding for your bum but they seemed to have skipped the padding for your back as if you were to travel of these for more than 45 minutes, a trip to your back specialist may be in order.
Overall these buses are not the type of bus that is going to make you feel well. The terms “Plain Jane” and “Ordinary Joe” spring to mind when describing these buses. What makes these buses worse is that there actual term is “midi buses”. This immediately trains the mind to think that these buses will be a disappointment as nothing compares to a full-length bus. “Midi buses” have and probably always be a bit of a disappointment compared to a full-length bus.
Men truly love cities for one reason- the women. The “talent” on show in the cities is much more extensive than in the country (that’s if your lucky enough to find a women amongst the mass of field and animals.) If you’re looking for a relationship the worst place to go is a club and that is where most men go to “pull”. You’re probably thinking why is it the worst place to start? Most of the women in there usually come under two categories:
1.) They have a boyfriend: they are suggestively dressed and flirt outrageously with them. When you ask for their number their 20 stone bodybuilding boyfriend comes over and prompts to use you as a human punch bag.
2.) Doors: They are suggestively dressed and flirt outrageously like the other group. They are like a door in two ways: they have the intelligence of a door and there legs are like a door (they are persuaded to be opened and closed with relative ease). Once you’ve slept with them, they then either go through your bank account or give you a STD.
I have rambled on for a few hundred words about cities as the Volvo B10B optimises Liverpool (Liverpool is a city- get it know?). On every street corner in Liverpool you will probably see a B1OB. They also get around a bit (like the category 2 women in the club) as at least five are situated in every Arriva depot in Merseyside. These are good runners and are seen on many long distance routes in Merseyside (notably the 10/A and 48/A).
The bodywork as with the Northern Counties Scania’s is a dream. It is minimalist and modernistic unlike the bodyworks of many buses around this time that have been constructed into a way that Picasso would be proud off. I’ve never like Picasso so you will know what I feel about the bodyworks of the Picasso wannabe buses.
As soon as you step foot on one of these buses you will see the standard MTL decals (red seating, orange grab poles). As with the b6’s, some of the seating’s have be criminally replaced with Arriva style seating. Last time I described this kid of crime having an affair with your best mates wife- it seems like a good idea at first but it makes everyone hate you: this metaphor still applies today.
The engine of these buses is quiet and relaxing. If we were to compare it to music, it is certainly no Metallica but more soothing like a Blues track for example. Considering these take on many long distance routes, a quieter engine is much better than the ear splitting sound of a National for example. I prefer to enjoy wherever I am after a ride rather than searching for the nearest darkened room to sooth a migraine!
The seating on these buses is comfortable but I wouldn’t go as far as it is like sitting on a piece of heaven. The seats due there purpose although it is nice that they don’t give you a numb bum after you have sat on them for a while
Overall these buses are good buses but to me they are nothing special. These buses could be perceived as a marmite bus- you ever love or hate them. Why? People ever love or hate simplicity and this word is a word that fits perfectly into describing this machine.
