The Highland Thumpers & Everything Pink - Two rabbitries Gone Wild.........................

Kaleb, I love you so much, my hart bleeds for you every day. I miss you so much, I think of you way before the sun comes up and I never stop thinking of you even way past the time that the sun has gone down. I love you more then there are stars and bigger then there is space. I love you stronger then the air gives you life and brighter then there are colors. I know you love me too. I can feel it. I know, a mother, YOUR true and only mother knows. I know you think of me. I know you hurt that you aren't allowed to express that you love me. I know you hurt. I want so bad to make it better. I wish I could hold you and just let you cry because I know how bad you need that, I would cry with you. Then we could laugh together because of the joy to be able to be together. I pray for you every day, every night. I pray that you will still grow into a good natured young man. I pray that somehow, you have someone that still tells you every night that they love you and kiss your face and pray with you. Close your eyes, I still kiss your face, I still tell you I love you, I still pray with you. You are my first born, my only baby boy. You will always be mine and I will always be your mom. Nobody can change that, not even a name or a piece of paper. Not the courts, nobody no matter what they say, blame, wish, think, want, nobody can change us or the fact that I love you with dyeing and undying, non faltering, unconditional love, and that you love me the same. People will say what they want to please themselves, but it will never change who we are to each other and it won't change plain hard fact that we love each other with the kind of love that Jesus meant for us to love.

I am here. I can't touch you, I can't hold you, but if you just sit quietly, you will know that no matter what, I am here. I'm crying too, with you.

Someday, you will be old enough to come see me. You will be old enough to be around me and nobody can tell you that you can't. Nobody can keep us away from each other forever. Katina knows how to get a hold of me and so do others who will be there to help you find me. You will have ways to find me. I will be waiting.

I love you, always and always and forever, I love you. My baby boy, my first born, I love you.

I am really thinking of you today. I do every day anyway, but today you are really heavy in my mind. I am wondering what you are doing today. As I buy Christmas gifts for your sisters I can't help but to walk by the things that I know you would love to get for Christmas. I wish that I could get them for you. I know that by the time I see you, you would have no interest in the child like gifts that I would have for you, so, I will wait. I love you so much and I wish that your baby sister could know you and that you could see her grow as I do everyday. I wish you could be a part of both your sisters everyday.

I am also thinking about 2007 Valentine's day. I was informed that you did not get the valentine in the Salina Journal news paper that I put in for you this year in 2006. I was promised by grandma Pat that you will get 2007's Valentine. It will be there for you.

My hart pains for you. I know your being told that I don't care. I know how much that hurts but it is not true. Not only is it not true but I prey every night and day that you know that. I think you do know. Deep down, I think you know that I could never turn away from you. I'm sorry you have people in your life that watch you hurt and hurts you more by telling you things that are not true. I am so sorry for that and I wish I could do something about it but the laws of this land keeps me from doing that. I wish that I could keep you safe from these things.

I love you so much. Please know that on this Thanksgiving. Know how much I miss you. Know how much I wait to see you again. Look up to the sky and know that I am under it with you.

I think of you everyday. I even dream about you. I love you so so much, don't ever let any other person tell you other wise. You are my smart brilliant boy and I know you are smarter then the people who surround you. I know that you are smart enough to know that cutting us from each other was a bad thing and I know you know that I will be your mom forever no matter what. I miss you everyday. I know that you will stand up when people try to cut us away from each other in court as well and make yourself heard. You are old enough to have a voice more then you realize. Its hard to stand up to people when you know you will get in trouble for it, but in the long run when it is over important subjects such as this that is a life altering thing, you will be happier. War is never fun or is it easy but it is necessary to keep your rights and to make things right. That is what this is. There are people in your life who have hurt you in ways that you will have to live with your whole life and this hurt will affect you your whole life all because of their selfishness in hate towards me. They are going to continue to make it worse and hurt you worse to even try to make you legally not my son to simply hurt me more. This is killing you just as much, I know. You have to stand up and tell them that this is your life. This is your world that they are destroying all because of their hate towards your mother. They are the ones that won't allow us to see each other. They are the ones who have caused so much pain. Now, its time to stop. Stop this insaneness. If they don't want to accept the fact that you have a mother who has ALWAYS loved you, fine, they don't have to. But you do accept that. And you don't want to lose any more then what they have already caused.

Kaleb, you HAVE to stand up for yourself. Only YOU can make your voice heard. Go to your school councilor, go to your teacher, your friends parents, go to anyone who will listen and as many people as you can. Stand up to the people trying to sever what is rightfully yours to have. If you have a chance to talk to their lawyer, or can find the lawyers phone number and call him or her on your own when no one is around and tell them how you feel. Let them know that this has gone long enough. It is your right to keep your birth mother as your mother. It is your right to stop them from doing any more ruin to you then what they already have. It may even be your right to fight them for damages to you for not allowing us to see each other. For telling the lies that they did. You would have to have a really good lawyer to fight for you who would be willing to look up ALL the paper work to see the deceit.

I just want you to know how much I love you and that you CAN stand up for yourself. If you let people push you around and decide your life for you, you will never be happy because they will make such a mess of your life that you won't even see a way out. You are the only one right now that can change that and make things better for you.

I love you my baby boy. It is in you to fight for yourself. You have that Lewis blood running through your veins. Make things better for you so that you can be happy.

I love you, your forever real mom

May 3, 2007

To my dear Kaleb,

Oh, Kaleb, how I miss you so much. I think a lot on how your doing now and also about the day you were born. The moment I held you and thought you were the most amazing little being I have ever seen in my life. How could anyone call me a failer when I made you! I concentrated on the shape and everycurve of your little nose and your lips and your eyes and your fingers and everything. I would just stare at you and hope that nobody would take you from me as everything allways has been. I cried at even the thought of it and hoped it wouldn't happen.

You ARE an amazing person. I love you so much and allways have even before you were born. I have loved you even before anyone else thought of you. I did. Before you were ever even conceived I thought of you and how much I loved you and wanted to have you in my life. I have allways thought of you.

Thats why I attended school with you when you were having such a hard time and I got you involved into things that would help you find your strong points. Thats why I fought for you so hard. I did this because I knew what kind of a great person you are and you just needed help finding that out yourself.

I love you and have longer then anyone else ever could besides God himself. I have allways loved you and been there for you as much as I could even when others took us from each other over their own selfishness. You may not have allways known it, but I am here. I am waiting for their grip to be forced to loosen. I'm waiting because if thats my only choice right now, I will do so for you. I am here. We look at the same sky, the same sun, the same moon, under the same rain, I am here, I am waiting, I love you, Kaleb. I love my baby.

With love, your forever waiting mom

Hey, I have been thinking of you as usual. I miss you so much. I know someday you will find this. You will find me.

Do you remember when I used to go to school with you and make sure that all was well? I would stay allmost the whole day. I stayed till all the classes you had left were like P.E. and things like that. I love you so much that I would give up anything just to make sure you were making it in school. Do you remember how proud you were of the shirt and shorts you made and the other 4-H things that you did so well on? No matter how you did in school I wanted you to find that something in you that you were really good at, anything that would show you how great you were if you just put yourself to it. I anted you to know that even if you had a hard time in school, that doesn't mean that you had a hard time with everything. I wanted you to see the same great child that I see. I wanted you to know. I love you so much.

You. I think of you all the time. I love you with every bit thats in me. I want you to know how much I love you but I can't find the words that describe just how much that is. So I keep repeting that I love you, I love you, I love you. I don't know what else to say.

I have thought of whether you will be able to risk emailing me or not. I don't know that they would have an email box all your own for you. If you email me thru their email, they will know. If you email me through an email account that is yours and they have your pass word, they will find out. write me through my guest book here on this web site. My computer does go down a lot so be patiant if I can't get to you right away. I will as soon as I know you have written me. I can make you an email that no one would know the pass word to or if you know how to do it yourself, then that would be a good idea. I don't want you in trouble.

I know that he is in the computer room a lot as that sort of thing is all he cares about rather then the things that are important. Do you have a friend that has the internet? Or maybe Aunt Cindy? When your out to see Katina, just ask if you can check your email. If people you know have the internet, then you can ask if you can check your email. Even the library (sp) has computers that you can get on. And really, it would be better to not use your home computer anyway.

I love you. I want to talk to you when you find a way to talk with me. But if we are not careful, they can cut us off till you are in your own home and they have no controle then.

I am thinking of you so much. I love you and my hart breaks for you. I want to scoop you up in my arms and just hug you close for the rest of your life. God is faithful and I know he will come through for us. I love you. I love you so much and I think of you every day. I can't wait till you can come see me on your own. I can't wait till we can see each other again. I love you. I love you. I love you. My first born baby and my only son. I am dreaming of you tonight as I sleep. Feel my thoughts. Feel my love. They are yours, I send them to you. I am holding you tonight, baby. I am kissing your cheek, my child. I am feeling your hair in my fingers as I hold your head in my hands, my little one. And you will always be my little one. My tears of sadness that we are dennied what is rightfully ours is running down your face too, I see them. My tears of thankfulness that you did not keep the lies that have been told to you. I love you and I think of you everyday. My hart is with you, baby. My hart is with you always. No matter what, no matter where. If all else abandonds you, I will not. Jesus will not. I am always here and Jesus is always with you. I am the only one that has never abandond you besides Jesus. I had to be forced away unwillingly. I am here. I am waiting. I am loveing you.

I love you my baby boy, Your real Mom that would never hurt you or lie to you

I had a dream about you last night. Us meeting in the library with grandma Jody's help. You seeing me walk by and both of us to scared to look because someone might see us see each other. Kaleb, I miss you so much. I don't see how someone can hurt you so much just to hurt me and claim that to be love. Love is when you put yourself and your own wants a side for another. Love doesn't lie or deceave or just try to get your own way. Love wouldn't hurt you just because it make that other person feel better. Love will step down and it will cry when hurt and it will hold on and it will allways be there for you. I am here for you, Kaleb. Even though sertin people have worked hard to keep from being there, they have failed. I may not have been able to SEE you. But I am here for you and you are at the age now that you can choose these things for yourself. We may be getting a house that is a little in the country. Somewhere where you can come and see me and nobody can just drive by and cause problems. I love you. You said to grandma Jody that you needed paper (in the dream). I was going to write you a letter in it but she told me to put an envalope with a letter to you in it a few pages back. That you had said that you would know any letter like this would be from her or me. Well, anyway, just thought I would throw this in there. Thought you would be interested to know. I love you, Kaleb. I love you so much and I look forward to seeing you again.

With so much love, from your real mom who has always held you from before you were born. Your real mom who has always loved you before I ever even saw you and thought about you and dreamed of the young man you would be some day. With love from your real mom who hurts FOR you everyday, Mom

The Highland Thumpers & Everything Pink
Two rabbitries Gone Wild.........................

May 3, 2007

To my dear Kaleb,

You ARE an amazing person. I love you so much and allways have even before you were born. I have loved you even before anyone else thought of you. I did. Before you were ever even conceived I thought of you and how much I loved you and wanted to have you in my life. I have allways thought of you.

With love, your forever waiting mom

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The Highland Thumpers & Everything Pink Two rabbitries Gone Wild.........................

May 3, 2007

To my dear Kaleb,

You ARE an amazing person. I love you so much and allways have even before you were born. I have loved you even before anyone else thought of you. I did. Before you were ever even conceived I thought of you and how much I loved you and wanted to have you in my life. I have allways thought of you.

With love, your forever waiting mom

The Highland Thumpers & Everything Pink
Two rabbitries Gone Wild.........................