Notes To Self
An Introduction
I got this idea from mutedfaith.com(which hasn't been updated in forever). You post these crazy notes to self for everyone to read. Well, seeing as how I have a heck of a lot of things to remember (none of which are very important) I figured why not subject all of you to the continued insanity. Here we go...
For August
1. Do not stay up until 1:00 in the morning to watch re-runs of "The 4400". Just watch it when it airs 9:00 pm on Sundays.
2. Do not introduce self as fictional character.
3. Unless it's when Ellie is over and we are talking in really bad British accents while emptying the dishwasher and getting into a fight with the sink head and the Windex.
4. Hide the evidence of the previous note.
5. Do not throw a fit whenever someone says that Wiccans are Devil-Worshippers who abuse children. Instead, calmly correct their ignorance and show them the website for "Darkness Against Child Abuse".
6. When they refuse to listen, put a frog in their pillow.
7. Or their shower.
8. New evidence arises. Doing such would result in an intense crisis situation known as grounding and writing an excruciatingly looooooooong apology note.
9. Probably to the Elderberries.
10. And, you know, never being allowed on the internet again.
11. Which would stink.
12. If the thought of a joke or prank makes me laugh for more than twenty seconds, it should be assumed that I should hide the evidence of it.
13. I am not to sing Carmina Burana 'til verse forty-two ever again.
14. Expecially because it is in Latin and I have no idea what I'm saying.
15. I should answer my teacher as " Yes, Mr./Ms./Mrs./Mme./Mlle./M So and So?", not "You can't prove a thing!"
16. I am not a pirate.
17. Therefore, I do not have to listen to the smelly Pirate's Code.
18. Keira Knightley did not get anyone's thread deleted.
19. That was Ellie & Co.'s fault.
20. Despite what Ellie says.
21. Do not organize a school wide showing of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" complete with audience participation, popcorn, soda, and water guns.
22. No matter how fun it would be or how much it would annoy Mr. Wienecke.
23. Wait. The idea makes me giggle for more than twenty seconds... even if I did go through with it I'd have to hide the evidence and that would be awfully difficult.
24. Avoid commentating on Red Ribbon Week and how "if we haven't learned it by now, we're never going to."
25. When they ask for questions in the aforementioned week, do not ask why pot is legal in the Netherlands.
26. No, I'm not lying.
27. Check Wikipedia if you don't believe me.
28. Do not suggest RENT as the school musical.
29. They're too stupid and biggoted to get it anyway.
30. Mr. Filo is not out to kill anyone.
31. Mrs. Bressan is not Prof. Sprout.
32. Mr. Wienecke is not Prof. Binns.
33. Mrs. Gelman is not Mme. Pince.
34. New evidence emerges. Disregard notes 31-33.
35. Instead of saying the pleadge, instead sing "La Vie Boheme".
36. Note reactions.
37. Have Ellie and whoever else wants to participate do the same.
38. Throw a party in Mr. Gettman's office when everyone who participated is in there.
39. Invite the other Juvenile Deliqents and Loonys Extraordinaire and anyone else who feels like a party.
40. Barricade the forty or so people in there and refuse to let anyone else in unless they bring more food.
41. Refuse to let any teachers in.
42. Buy more post it - - -
For May
1. Do not scream "SURE FINE WHATEVER!" when you are in a bad mood.
2. Do not burn any Lois Duncan books.
3. When you forget number two, hide the evidence.
4. Do not give self hives over test anxiety.
5. Except for math class.
6. Do not throw the bat at people's heads in Wiffle Ball. The teachers don't like it.
7. When teased tell the person, "Mock me while you can for someday I SHALL RULE THE WORLD!"
8. Note reactions.
9. The answer to most school problems is to hit someone over the head with a binder.
10. New evidence emerges, disregard last note.
11. Do not smirk in English class.
12. I said DO NOT smirk.
13. Mr. Marz doesn't realize all the subtext he unintentionally creates.
14. Or does he?
15. I mean, Mr.Pappas DID tell us Mr. Marz is part of the alien conspiracy.
16. WAIT!
17. Maybe Mr. Pappas is part of the alien conspiracy and is trying to put it on Mr. Marz.
18. Wait, no, Mr. Marz confirmed it.
19. Dang
20. Buy more post---
Notes to Self for 3/22/06-3/29/06
1. Do not randomly quote Billy Joel/ Bruce Springsteen/ Laura Nyro/ Anyone else at random.
2. Apply self at gym.
3. Do not hit anyone for rude remarks made re:previous note.
4. When you get applying yourself in gyn class, do not have them call Mom. Dad is closer and is therefore going to get there quicker.
5. Do not knock the pretzel bag on the floor. It is messy to clean up and hide the vaccuum cleaner.
6. Do not start singing "Cell Block Tango" in school. Aside from Ellie, no one else knows the words.
7. Do not get caught writing in Social Studies class.
8. Better yet, do not get caught writing/daydreaming/doodling in any class.
9. Mom may not see the humor in one of those situations.
10. Buy duct tape. Duct tape fixes everything.
11. New evidence emerges...duct tape does indeed not fix everything.
12. Stop rambling. You scare people.
Notes To Self For The Week Of 3/3/06-3/10/06
Notes To Self For The Week Of 3/3/06-3/10/06
1. Do not tell very religous father you've given up religion for Lent. He will not find the humor in this.
2. Tell liberal mother you've given up religion for Lent. She will find the humor in this.
3. Do not let cat fall in toliet.
4. Do not even let cat near bathroom.
5. Do not randomly go off about aliens, gangsters, and werewolf rights. People will find this extremely odd.
6. Do not go off on a political rant in Social Studies. The teacher finds this even less humorous when you stand on his desk instead of using a soap box.
7. When you forget number six, have the Dean of Students call your mother. She will find this funny.
8. Do not forget youself and sing "F***ing Forty" by John Eddie in class.
9. When you forget number eight, make sure they call Mom. She will find this funny.
10. For all trouble, call Mom. Unless its fighting, she'll probably find it funny and not take the computer away.
11. Buy "HTML For Dummies". You need to learn HTML.
12. Do not fill up Math/Social Studies/ English/ Science notebooks with drawings. Teachers do not see the artistic merit in it.
13. Do not tell grandparents about CanCan Dancing iGuy site mascot. They will have no idea what you're talking about.
14. Do not complain about people's stupidity by saying "Objection to the idiot's blatant abuse of...being an idiot." People who do not watch legal dramas or do not have a sense of humor and a parent in the legal system will miss the humor in it.
15. Do not attempt to convert others to "Conviction" fans. They will not appreciate the drama nor watch it if there is ever a new reality show on on the same night.
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