Hair Band News

STEVE'S RESUME'

Name: Arthur Steven Shoscombe Mortix
Age: Reincarnation is fun.
Sex: Yes, please.
Address: I'm dead for the time being. Duh.
Phone: Please see above answer.
Fax: You just don't get what 'DEAD' means, do you?
Previous Occupations: ---
1. Horseman of the Apocolypse
2. Ghangis Khan
3. Vlad Dracul
4. Robbin Crosby
5. Stupid freakin' mascot
Reasons For Termination/Resignation: Spreading plague was fun, but it had no babe appeal. Ghangis Khan had the babe appeal, but had no style. Vlad Dracul had the appeal and the style, but his music sucked. Robbin Crosby had the style and music, but had WAY too much appeal, which proved to be the end of him/me. Curse my hedonistic ways. Now I'm doing some lame nostalgia gig being a mascot for some no-name website. But hey, all I'm really expected to do is lie around, look cool, and crank up the Metal all day. And the babes still love me. What can I say? Old habits die hard. \m/ (-_-) \m/

Know Ye The Book of Steve

"IN THE BEGINNING THERE WAS AN ABYSS, AND THERE CAME FROM THE ABYSS A MOST GREAT AND TERRIBLE BEING WHOSE NAME WAS STEVE THAT DID CREATE AND DESTROY MANY NATIONS. AND IT WAS BY THE ORDER OF STEVE THAT HEAVY METAL CAME INTO BEING. FOR WHEN THE SOUND OF IT DID RISE, A NEW VIGOR WAS GIVEN TO THE PEOPLE. AND THEY DID BOW THEIR HEADS REPEATEDLY AND WITH FORCE, UNTIL THEY DID FALL TO THE GROUND. THUS WAS ISSUED HIS FIRST LAW: 'KNOW YE THE METAL OF STEVE!!!'  BUT LO, FROM AMONGST THE PEOPLE THERE CAME AN INIQUITOUS SOUL WHOSE NAME WAS KURT COBAIN, AND HE DID NOT KNOW THE METAL OF STEVE AND SOUGHT TO DESTROY IT. HE DID CREATE WITH HIM A MOVEMENT, AND THOSE BELONGING TO IT DID MAKE THEMSELVES DIRTY LIKE UNTO VAGRANTS AND VAGABONDS. AND IT CAME TO PASS THAT THEIR EVIL WAYS DID CLAIM THE HEARTS OF MANY UNTIL THE METAL OF STEVE WAS ALL BUT FORGOTTEN. BUT BEHOLD, THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE STEVE HAD SEEN THEIR WICKEDNESS, AND HE DID SET IN THE MIND OF KURT MANY DARK THOUGHTS, 'TIL HE, KURT, BY VIOLENT HAND, DID TAKE HIS OWN LIFE, AND THE MOVEMENT OF VAGRANTS DID CEASE TO EXIST. THUS WAS ISSUED THE SECOND LAW: 'KNOW YE THE WRATH OF STEVE!!!' AND THE PEOPLE DID SEE THE WRATH WHICH HAD BEEN BROUGHT UPON THE EVIL-DOERS, AND THEY DID CLING WITH RENEWED FAITH TO THE METAL OF STEVE, AND THE VIGOR THAT WAS LOST WAS RESTORED AGAIN TO THE BOSSOMS OF THE PEOPLE, THAT THE SACRED METAL MIGHT NOT AGAIN BE LOST." -The Book of Steve