Alice Cooper - Dirty Diamonds
Ladies and Metalheads! CLASSIC ALICE IS BACK! This is easily the best Cooper material since Welcome To My Nightmare! Okay, so I'll admit, my opinion of Alice has been pretty low lately ever since the release of the disastrous Brutal Planet and Dragontown, but as RollingStone magazine recorded in May of 2005, "How serious is Alice Cooper about making his upcoming release a pure Alice album? Here's a hint: The godfather of shock rock has decided to bring the guillotine back to his stage show." That's right, after promising his mother that he would never use the ol' head-chopper again, Alice is back, and just as sick as ever!
This one opens up with a little gem called Woman of Mass Distraction. All of the Alice trademarks are there, but it could easily be passed off as an AC/DC song. The guitar is exactly what one would expect from either of the Young brothers, at least until the tempo picks up. The song itself is about a psycho-babe that won't take no for an answer, and will leave you exhausted by morning. When you look back at other songs like Be My Lover and Only Women Bleed, do you ever get the idea Alice is hinting about his ideal woman? Next up is a little tune called Perfect. This song in nothing but pure Cooper goodness. It starts out with some good Skynard-esque guitar work, giving it a very southern flavor. Here again, I get the idea we're hearing more about what the Man likes in his female companions. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's a bad song, just making an observation. I actually love this song. It's--well--perfect! So now we're coming up on the third of twelve songs. This one's called You Make Me Wanna...You can draw your own conclusions as to the title. You don't need my help. As soon as I heard the opening guitar, I wanted to slap myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. This is THE classic 70's sound! It's as if not a day has passed since Billion Dollar Babies was penned! So, for all the vintage fans out there, crank this up! You'll love it! Following this brilliant return to form, we arrive at the title track. You guessed it, Dirty Diamonds! This one has a newer, heavier feel to it. But don't run away! Once again, Mr. SicknTwisted demonstrates that he hasn't forgotten what made him famous! I'm not too sure what the lyrics are about, but from what I can gather, I think it's about illegal arms dealers and their acquisition of blood diamonds. Hey, I said I wasn't sure. Of course, no self-respecting Cooper album would be complete without something disturbing enough to give you nightmares. In this case it's The Saga of Jesse Jane, the story of a cross-dressing truck driver that shoots up a truck stop. Now, I can't be too sure, but I think there's a poke at Michael Jackson towards the end. Now comes Sunset Babies (All Got Rabies). This is a good one. It has a distinct swamp rock sound that's almost in the same vein as CCR. It's upbeat, it's peppy, it's fun, and best of all, it's Alice! I don't think anyone alive can listen to it without getting up and dancing. Unless you're deaf, then you might have a problem. Coming in at #7, Pretty Ballerina is slow and uncharacteristically mellow, but very relaxing. It almost can't be described. Next on the list is Run Down The Devil, which happens to be my absolute favorite track off the whole CD. This is another one with a very modern, alternative sound. I can't hear this song with out going into a riotous fit of head banging. Either that, orI might burst into a hideous fit of laughter. As heavy as the song is, it's still funny as crap. I won't spoil it, though. Listen to it for yourself. Anyone who lives in a bad neighborhood can easily relate to this next song. It's simply titled Steal That Car. This one is fast-paced enough to get an auctioneer tongue-tied. The moral of the story is lock your doors, roll up your windows, and make sure the keys are on your person when not in the ignition. This next song is called Six Hours. The only way I can describe it would be to say that it's a kind insane blues love song. As always, the guitar definitely earns points. Sneaking in at next to last is an absolutely hilarious number called Your Own Worst Enemy. This should be the anthem for all middle-class white guys. Heck, maybe just all guys period. Honestly, how many of us have had bad days for months on end or choked down enough coffee to drown a fish just to get us through another miserable day? Well, Lads, this is for us. The song itself it's absolutely overflowing with adrenaline and has an excellent bass line. This is an absolute powerhouse great for those soul-sucking drives to work! Finally, bringing up the rear, we have Zombie Dance. Screw the Monster Mash! Who needs it? This song has a very New Orleans Voodoo type of feel. Well, it should, because that's exactly what it's about. This is perfect for Halloween compilations and Black Masses. All in all, it just goes to prove that just like a bad case of cockroaches, you can't get rid of Alice Cooper! Love it or leave it, Bub!
(turkey): Absolutely horrible. A waste of money, a waste of time, and a waste of the material used to manufacture it.