Now here is a strange confession,

The first time you’ve heard this from me,

I hope I won’t feel like this for long,

Because I prefer to feel differently.

 

Now, I know it’s not like me to say this,

As every kid seems to be armed with a knife,

But I’m truly ashamed to be British,

For the very first time in my life.

 

You see we no longer have an identity,

We can’t wave our flags with pride,

We’ve no freedom of speech any longer,

Is this why my ancestors died?

 

Our leaders only have their own interests at heart,

As long as they’re okay, sod the rest!

Many homes paid for them by the taxpayer,

While us citizens, we struggle at best.

 

Fuel prices are getting higher and higher,

So the price of everything else starts to soar,

And while we struggle to make ends meet,

We’re spending millions on some pointless war.

 

So a recession is threatening the country,

And every time ones heart beats,

Someone is killed, attacked or made homeless,

Or a child is stabbed to death on our streets.

 

And our schools cannot teach our own past,

In case some minority group we offend,

British schools can’t teach British history!

Tell me when will this madness end?

 

The people who were once a proud nation,

Now in the streets fight, all riddled with booze,

And all I hear are predictions of hard times,

Every time I turn on the news.

 

We really should be proud and happy,

That foreign people want to join our great nation,

But there must be control, because our island’s so small,

We can’t cope with unlimited immigration.

 

We used to cry “Rule Britannia!”

Praise our “Land of Hope & Glory!”

We used to have something to be proud about,

But now everything’s a different story.

 

People are poorer than we’ve been for years,

Mr Brown, can’t you see what you’re doin’?

You’re bringing us down, treating us with contempt.

You’re bringing this country to ruin!

 

It used to be great being British,

The pride of the world! Then we broke.

And now we’re a shambles, a terrible mess,

Now we’re sniggered at like some dirty joke.

 

There are not enough people who know right from wrong,

There are not enough police walking beats,

You can report a mugging; your call will be ignored,

You see, the scumbags are ruling the streets.

 

Mr Brown, do you recall what your predecessor said?

And he repeated it time after time,

He said he’d get tough on the criminals, you see,

And tough on the causes of crime.

 

Yet, the country’s a shambles; the place is a mess,

It’s not safe to go out on a night,

And there are sixteen-year-old kids leaving school,

Who don’t know how to read or write.

 

They tell us the environment’s in danger,

And we all should be more green,

But their solution’s to just tax us further,

It’s all part of their moneymaking machine.

 

There are girls getting pregnant and girls giving birth,

Mere children, and they really think it’s cool,

To be sleeping with boys rather then playing with toys,

Then leaving toddlers in a crèche at their school.

 

You can get away with assaulting someone,

You can beat someone up with a club,

You can even rob a house (if it’s your first offence),

But don’t you dare try and smoke in the pub!

 

We’re worse off now than we have been for years,

We’ve all got less money to spend,

Yet the taxes and bills keep on rising,

Please tell me, when will it end?

 

So now you’ve heard my confession,

The first time you’ve heard it from me,

I hope my feelings won’t stay like this for long,

Because I prefer to feel differently.

 

No, it’s just not like me to say this,

But I told you anyway, in rhyme,

That I’m truly ashamed to be British,

And disappointed for the very first time.

It’s not often I use the pages of this website to vent my spleen on one of the subjects close to my heart, as I’m aware it alienates in many ways a lot of my American readership.  But there is a story which is unfolding at the moment which, as a football fan, and a supporter of the club in question, I feel the need to write about here on The Whistler.

 

By football, I mean of course, soccer (as the Americans call it to differentiate from their own game which we in England call American Football).

 

It may alienate a number of female readers as well, but I’m hoping that, as my gist becomes apparent, you’ll be able to follow what I’m trying to say.  I hope it makes sense to everyone.

 

If you ARE a fan of football, particularly of the Premier League, then there is a likelihood that you may take issue with what I’m about to talk about.  I’d love to hear your thoughts on the subject, no matter what.

 

Some of you may not know about this particular interest of mine, as I rarely write about it here, as I have said, but I am a huge fan of Manchester United Football Club.  And the season which ended just a few weeks ago was a wonderful one for every United fan in the world.  A double-whammy of the Premier League and the European Champions League has seen our silverware cabinet swell even further.  It’s been a twisting, thrilling, roller-coaster ride of a season.  Thrilling games, a shaky start, Arsenal’s mid-season dominance, and Chelsea gaining ground at an alarming rate towards the end of the season, pushing us right down to the wire in The Premier League, and meeting with us in the final of the Champions League in Moscow.  Fortunately (and some might say even luckily) for United fans- we won both in the end.

 

And it’s been a sterling season for a number of players in the squad as well.  New signings Anderson and Nani have impressed, and shown signs that, given a little more experience and maturity, they will quite probably be fantastic, household-name players in a season or two.  And although a seasoned pro, Carlos Tevez has slotted into the side wonderfully, showing an almost psychic understanding of attacking technique with his strike-partner, Wayne Rooney.

 

The defence has been phenomenal as well (leaking fewer goals than any other side in the Premier League).  Rio Ferdinand, Nemanja Vidic and Patrice Evra worthy of particular praise, standing strong in front of an equally impressive Edwin Van Der Saar in the goal.  And what an important season for old-timer Ryan Giggs, breaking Sir Bobby Charlton’s appearance record for the club, and scoring what would turn out to be the winning penalty in the Champions League Final.

 

But the big story of the close-season is proving to be the one regarding the future of the true United superstar of the last twelve (maybe even twenty-four) months- Cristiano Ronaldo.

 

Ronaldo has been superb over the last season, dazzling defenders with his pace and nifty footwork, and scoring more goals this season than any other Premier League player (not a bad accomplishment- particularly when you consider the fact that he isn’t even an all-out striker, but a more natural midfield player).  The Portuguese international was brought to Old Trafford from Sporting Lisbon to replace the departed David Beckham, who had moved to Spanish giants Real Madrid.

 

At first, certain question marks were placed over Ronaldo and his style of play.  It wasn’t doubted that his footwork skills were impeccable, but he appeared greedy at times, and failed to complete passes.  But, after a season under the wing of manager Sir Alex Ferguson, Ronaldo ironed out these faults with his game, and developed into a much more complete player.  In fact, it has been said that he’s the best in the world right now.

 

Which is where in the story, Real Madrid make their entry.

 

After the 2006 World Ronaldo was public enemy number one here in this country.  He was playing for his national side Portugal against England in the quarter finals of the competition, when he was very vocal towards the referee regarding an incident involving his Manchester United colleague, Wayne Rooney.  As Rooney was shown the red card and given his marching orders, Ronaldo was spotted by TV cameras aiming a crafty wink towards his bench.  It seemed as though Ronaldo’s involvement in aggravating Rooney’s famous temper was a manufactured tactic which had come into fruition.

 

And the Spanish giant Real Madrid were watching from the sidelines, hoping to get Ronaldo’s signature should he find life playing domestic football back in England too testing, now that the English crowds would inevitably be against him.

 

But Manchester United manager, Sir Alex Ferguson stepped forward, and nurtured his star man into something unbelievable.  And yes, Ronaldo did (and still does to some extent) come up against more than his fair share of boo-boys from the English crowds, but he has allowed his football to do the talking, turning himself into one of the most impressive players we’ve seen in this country, if not the world, for years.

 

They compare him to George Best- a difficult comparison to make as both players played in different eras of the game- yet you can see the reasoning behind these opinions.  Light on their feet, yet fast, with a penchant for scoring goals and a natural flair for the game- both players won over the hearts and minds of the Old Trafford faithful.

 

And Ronaldo this last season has been a phenomenon.  His goal scoring tally is one thing, but the way he turns on performances, makes intelligent runs and intricate manoeuvres, pin-point passes and flummoxing opponents can be breath-taking to behold.

 

And the rewards are there- in shining silver for all the world to see.  Two trophies- the biggest in domestic football and the biggest in European football, now sit proudly in United’s trophy cabinet at Old Trafford, and Ronaldo has winners’ medals as proof of his involvement in both competitions.

 

Yet in spite of the fact that Manchester United are holders of such accolades, Real Madrid are back on the scene, again trying to prize away this wondrous asset from Old Trafford.

 

I hope I’m wrong, but it is of my opinion that they will be successful in getting him this time.

 

And it’s heartbreaking.

 

What riles me the most about the whole affair is that Ronaldo is only twelve months into a five-year contract, so in truth, there should be no worries whatsoever, but contracts mean very little these days in football, particularly if the player has his heart set on a transfer.

 

And it seems to me that he has.  I’m pretty sure that Ronaldo’s conspicuous silence (or indeed blatant refusal to speak about the situation) is a signal that he has no intention of pulling on a United shirt next season.  If he was going to stay, surely he would simply stand up and speak out about it, and put the club’s and the supporters minds at rest.

 

The cynical amongst you may suggest that he is leaving both clubs in the balance in order to see who will make him the best offer as far as wages are concerned.  If this is the case, Madrid win the day, as they are in a far better financial position to spend vast quantities of money on the player.  Having said that, however, United DO have a contract dated until 2012 with his signature on it.  If Ronaldo puts in a transfer request, the ball is in United’s court.

 

And if that does happen, it would seem United have two options.  Firstly, they could sell him, and quite possibly name their price.  If I were in a position of power at Old Trafford, this is what I’d be doing.  Demand a £100million up front payment, and let him go.  With that money we could get TWO world class players- an outright striker would be my first buy, and perhaps a strong left-back or full-back to fall back on in case of injuries.  It may also be worth strengthening the midfield to fill the hole Ronaldo would inevitably leave.  So THREE world-class players then.  Still a viable option with that amount of cash.

 

The payment would have to be up front however- no messing about with £10million this year and £5million next, then so much for goals and championships etc.  We want the cash up front, and the deal signed, sealed and delivered.

 

The other option which United have, and this is what is being apparently projected by the club owners, is that they hold on to the player- refuse his transfer request, refuse to sell, and just don’t play him until his contract expires in four years time.  This would surely make Ronaldo think twice about trying to snub the club that brought him to the forefront of world football.  But it would also deprive the world of seeing this fantastic player performing his art.

 

Real Madrid seems to be playing an underhand game at present.  Some are saying that this Spanish club is simply trying to unsettle their international rivals Portugal for the Euro 2008 championships.  They have been vociferous in the press claiming that Ronaldo’s dream is to sign for them.  They have put figures out regarding the extraordinary wage of £300,000 a week they’d be prepared to pay him.  They claim they’ve practically got their man.

 

United are saying they have had no official approach, and would turn down any offer made on him.

 

The man himself has said that he will make his decision public AFTER this summer’s Euro 2008 competition, which is in full swing at the moment.

 

His decision?  Sorry Cris, but YOU don’t have a decision to make.  You’ve put pen to paper and signed quite a lucrative five-year deal with Manchester United.  YOU can’t make the decision.  You can strike, refuse to play, spit out your dummy, whatever!  But at the end of the day, if Manchester United refuse to sell you, then that is their decision and there is absolutely nothing at all you can do about it.

 

As I said, I’d personally sell him and use the cash to strengthen the squad.  But I truly hope all I’ve read and heard about this whole sordid situation is wrong.  Hopefully Ronaldo is just using tactics to pressure United into increasing his wage (something which I believe they are seriously considering).

 

Losing Ronaldo would be a huge loss to the English game, but if his heart isn’t here, then he will never fire on all cylinders.

 

And United have parted company with some great, great players in the past, and gone from strength to strength.  No one player is bigger than this great club.

Regular readers of this site, and my MySpace and Facebook pals will more than likely be aware of my forthcoming nuptials.  It was over twelve months ago when I first mentioned my life-changing intentions here on The Whistler, and how quickly time has flown since that moment never ceases to astonish.  Here we are in the summer months of 2008 already, and I get married at the end of August.  It is approaching with such pace that it’s quite caught me unawares.

 

Don’t get me wrong- I can’t wait to be married.  Rachel, my wife-to-be, is an incredible girl, who has literally changed my life since she came onto the scene.  She is one of the kindest and sweetest people you would ever meet- she is warm and genuine, and damn attractive into the bargain.  I can’t wait to call her my wife- I’ll be the proudest man on Earth.

 

Having said all that, I’m not too sure exactly how much I’m looking forward to the day itself.  All the planning that has gone into organising such an event is quite astounding, as is the amount of cash we’ve had to expend on the wedding itself.  And all for one day.  And then it will all be over.  A memory.

 

And I’m hoping that the memories of the day will be nicer than the anticipation of it.  I’m really nervous about it.  Will it all go to plan?  Will the food be up to scratch?  Will the photographer get there?  Will the weather be favourable?  Will Rachel even turn up?

 

Then there’s the wedding ceremony itself.  As an atheist I thought it would be rather hypocritical of me to hold the ceremony in a church.  Even though they are such pleasant looking places and very traditional, I think my non-religious approach to life would make me feel that a ceremony in a church would all be rather fake, in spite of how nice it might look on the photographs.  So it’s going to be a non-religious affair in a hotel.  But that doesn’t mean that Rachel and myself won’t be up there in front of all the guests making these vows to each other- there’s no way we can avoid THAT terrifying experience.  I’ve gone over all this time and time again in my mind, and the thought of it makes me convulse with fear.  I don’t know why at all.

 

In my life I have been on stage in front of crowds far bigger than the hundred or so who will be attending the ceremony- so why all the nerves for this?  I can only assume it is because when I’ve been in front of large groups of people in the past, I haven’t actually known most of them.  Sure, an odd friend or two may be in the audience, but generally, I was playing to strangers.  And I was hardly reciting vows and pledging my life to someone in front of them!  The people I will be reciting these vows in front of will be close friends, family, and indeed members of my new family.  And that, I think, is what’s causing all these nerves!

 

But I’ll get through it, I’m sure.  I can only feel for Rachel though, who will be all dolled up in her finery- expertly crafted hair and make-up and a tailored-gown – lots and lots of pressure to look beautiful and be elegant, and not fall arse over tit on her way up the aisle.  She ought to be nervous about all this as well.

 

And I’m sure she is.  But another great thing about her is her ability to cope well in times of stress.  She seems to be a calming influence on everyone (myself in particular) at times when perhaps it would be more natural to lose one’s temper or just get totally frustrated with everything that’s going on.  She is tranquillity personified- another of her fantastic character traits.  So she’ll cope admirably with reciting the vows.

 

And when that’s over, I can relax and enjoy the rest of the day, right?

 

Wrong!

 

As the groom, I suppose I have a certain responsibility to circulate and make pleasantries with everyone!  How tiring will THAT be?

 

In all seriousness though, that’s something I am looking forward to- going from table to table during the ‘evening do’ and saying hello to everyone.  There’ll be members of Rachel’s family I haven’t even met yet, so it’s going to be interesting that’s for sure- and it will be nice to see some familiar faces from my own past and catch-up with what’s happening in their lives as well.

 

But something I’m NOT really looking forward to is the infamous Wedding Breakfast and reception.  The part where speeches are made and, as the groom, I have a duty to speak on behalf of my new wife and myself.  So I’m going to have to sit down at some point and write a speech.

 

I’ve started on it, but believe it or not, I’m struggling.  I’ve exhausted the internet, bought speech-writing books, even asked friends for suggestions, but I still can’t quite get a full, flowing coherent speech together (a fact that will probably come as no surprise to regular readers of my page anyway).  So if you have any suggestions as to what I can include, and perhaps some witty comments that you think I might be able to use, then please, please, please, please, please drop me a line at whistlermail@yahoo.co.uk and let me pinch them from you!  Thanks.

 

And the prospect delivering this speech (should it ever be written!) to the assembled guests is even more nerve-wracking than the reciting of the vows in front of them.  At least if the vows are rubbish I can say with my hand on my heart that I didn’t write them (granted- we chose them, but we didn’t write them).  Now, everybody listening to my speech will be fully aware that I am 100% responsible for the content (and indeed the delivery of it).

 

This terrifies me.  How the hell to deliver a speech?  It’s something I really ought to get a grasp on if I am ever going to fulfil my ambition of becoming an after-dinner speaker, but still, it’s a stumbling block I’m having quite some difficulty getting over!  I’m sure a quick whisky or two before the commencement of my oration will assist me immeasurably.

 

Either that, or I’ll be slurring my way incomprehensibly through it all!  Hmm, wonder how well that would go down with Rachel?  Probably best if I don’t try to find out!

 

And the sheer amount of planning and preparing that goes into an event such as this is amazing.  Don’t get me wrong, I knew it would be a big job, but I didn’t quite estimate how big!  The number of things, people, jobs, items, etc., that need organising and sorting out is nothing short of dumbfounding.  I am amazed at all of the things that need to be considered.  Photographs, wedding lists, clothing, menus, wines, locations, venues, staff, best man, ushers, who does what, who can be where and when, who has to be where at what time.  And how the hell are we ever going to pay for all of this?

 

Having said all that, though, I truly can’t wait for it.  It’s going to be nerve-wracking, yes- but what married person can honestly say they weren’t a bag of nerves on their wedding day?  Surely it’s just par for the course, and who am I to fight against it?

 

I’m hoping to post a few snaps of the big day here on The Whistler (if any of you are remotely bothered, that is).  My son Ethan, who will be 7¾ years old on the day is going to be the ring-bearer, and will be all dressed up in the same suit as me (albeit a little smaller, I shouldn’t wonder!) so that will make a few fantastic photographs, no doubt!  It will be nice to see him looking smart.  A pleasant change indeed!

 

There are ushers, a best man (in the form of Jeebs- see the Me, Myself, I & Others page for more info about who he is!!) and of course a number of bridesmaids, all of whom will have scrubbed up wonderfully for the occasion.  A good time is in store for all.  I hope.

 

I’d like to thank at this stage (as this commentary will be the last time I mention the wedding before the day itself, I promise!) every reader of The Whistler who has sent us such sweet messages of best wishes and support for this big day in our lives.  We truly appreciate it.

 

Right, better get to work on this bloody speech!  ‘Til next time folks…

Somewhere around Portsmouth on the south coast of England, there is a plush wine bar, very tastefully decorated with subdued music, subtle lighting and wonderful service provided by impeccable staff.  Not my usual kind of haunt at all, but this will be the setting for a few drinks and a chat tonight, decided upon by my guest, whose arrival, it would seem, has been delayed.  The walls look like they are carpeted and the occasional husk of neon light is creating a warm, relaxed, yet curiously formal atmosphere.  I kind of half-expected for this meeting to take place in a crowded, noisy nightclub rather than a posh place like this.  But, it would turn out this wouldn’t be my only perception of such a person that would turn out to be far from accurate.  I have a bottle of Merlot in front of me and a couple of glasses.  I hope my guest this evening is fond of red wine.

 

I arrived early for my chat with glamour model Dannie Piggott- perhaps a bit too early.  The anticipation of meeting her face to face made me nervous, and when the clock moved around to twenty minutes past our arranged meeting time, I was starting to get the distinct impression that perhaps I had travelled all this way for nothing more than an over-priced bottle of plonk.  As soon as a disheartening feeling started to replace that of nervousness, my attention was suddenly drawn to a beautiful young woman who had just entered and was glancing around the bar.  Her eyes fell upon me, and she approached me, her right arm reaching out for me to shake it.  “Craig?” she asked, “From The Whistler?”  The nerves crept back in!  My guest had arrived!

 

And what can I tell you about her?  Strikingly attractive, she carries herself with an air of not misplaced confidence, and has a warm and friendly smile.

 

Dannie Piggott is a beautiful girl.  She has a dazzling radiance about her, which is not at all misplaced on this 22-year-old model.  Her hair is brown in colour and of medium length.  Her eyes are a beautiful, piercing green.  She’s also much more petit than I expected.  She stands at just less than five and a half feet tall, and her dress size is eight to ten.  Her waist is a tiny 24 inches, and she doesn’t tip the eight stone mark on the scales.  But she is perfectly in proportion- she is womanly- by no means a ‘stick-insect’ type of model.  Thank God!!

 

She is chatty, bubbly and extremely friendly with a wicked sense of humour that occasionally wandered off onto the naughty side!  But the chat was great fun to conduct, and a fascinating insight into the thoughts of a woman whose chosen career is to undress and pose erotically for general consumption.  Anybody who might be under the impression that all glamour models were clueless airheads would have had their opinions altered very quickly by Dannie.  She is refreshingly intelligent, a wonderful conversationist and great company.  Physical aspects aside, here is one hell of a woman.

 

“Being a model is not easy,” she is at pains to stress.  I was never under any doubt of that- when you really think about it and what it all involves, it doesn’t really sound like all that much fun.  “From getting someone to notice you to approval from the people that matter most to you, it’s all really difficult.”  This interested me greatly, that’s what I was at pains to find out- what her friends and family thought of her career, and how she reacted to any criticisms that may come her way.

 

“My career started when I was about 15,” she told me in response to a question regarding the beginnings of her interest in the industry.  “A hairdresser local to me were looking for models to practise their techniques, a free haircut… why not?” she laughed.

 

“After that I signed up to other hairdressers when they needed models.  It was fun to have a different hairstyle every month, although I never took it seriously and never considered broadening my horizons to other types of modelling.”

 

But, it seems, the bug soon bit her!  “I signed up to a modelling/actors networking site and thought it would be fun to apply to take part in a national heat for Miss England,” she told me.  “But then I decided to get married so that idea went out the window!  After that I received an email from L’Oreal asking me to travel to New York to participate in a hair show.”  Very impressive, I’m sure you’ll agree, but the timing was all wrong for Dannie.  “I would have gone but I was expecting my first child.”

 

To many people, this might have spelled the end of such a career- missing out on something as big as this due to pregnancy might have dissuaded her from pursuing her career any further.  This might well have been the case, until a friend intervened.

 

“When I was 21, a friend rang me and told me she signed me up to a studio looking for models,” she told me.  “I was a little peeved at first,” she continued.  I could certainly understand that- I’m not sure whether I’d like it if a friend of mine had signed me up to something without checking with me first.  But the friend, it would seem, only had the best intentions and Dannie’s interests at heart.

 

“I didn’t hear anything from the studio for about four weeks, so really I put it to the back of my mind and eventually forgot about it.  Then out of the blue they offered me a test shoot, so I went along with my Mum and had my first ever photo shoot!”

 

And what were your thoughts?  “I really enjoyed it, “ she smiled.  “So I decided to get back on the website and start looking for serious modelling jobs. My second photo shoot was just a test shoot, and it was topless.”

 

How did that go?  “It was a disaster,” she said smiling, possibly at the fact that it’s all in retrospect.  “The photographer was really creepy and kept telling me how nice my arse was, I really didn’t appreciate those comments.”  I could imagine that such a situation would be rather uncomfortable, and asked her what she did.  “Thankfully I’d dragged my Mum along with me- she felt my discomfort and got me out of there quick!”  Ah, good old Mum!!

 

So what next?  “I never let the seedy photographer put me off, and got straight back on my bicycle, so to speak.  I grew to love the attention and sexiness of glamour modelling, and now I’m very comfortable with what I do.  With each photo shoot and new assignment I do, my modelling experience is getting greater and I’m getting more recognised by industry professionals,  ”

 

Is ‘glamour’ as far as you’ll go in the modelling industry or would you venture into something more ‘adult-oriented’?  “Some of my friends are convinced I do a lot more than show my boobs off!” she laughs.  “I have absolutely no interest in adult modelling.  I hope one day to be famous and the last thing I want are those sorts of photos surfacing!  Of course, the money is good and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted. I have done nude modelling in a Playboy style and an artistic style but that’s as far as I’ll go.”

 

How did the people close to you react to your decision to take up such a career?  “In the beginning friends and family were shocked when I decided to do glamour modelling, but that initial shock reaction seems to have mellowed into a more understanding mindset now.  That said, the only people that have a solid interest in my modelling career and are not judgmental are my male friends- what a surprise!” she grins.  “It’s my female friends that can sometimes be bitchy and jealous, and unfortunately I’ve had to deal with this on a couple of occasions.  This is when the rumours started that I had been dabbling in adult work.”

 

What about your parents?  “Since I don’t live at home anymore they have no say in the matter.  I can remember my Dad taking me to one side and telling me to be careful and my Mum saying don’t take your clothes off without being paid! They are both fine with it and take an interest.”

 

What are the ‘positive’ and ‘negative’ sides to your work?  “The Perks of the job are obvious.  You get paid to travel and see places.  I also love it when I get free clothes! I guess the downfall would be all the time spent traveling and arranging transport and itineries, things like that.  Another problem is sleazy photographers- if you don’t like the photographer but want the job then you have a choice to make.”

 

Would you mind if your children wanted to become glamour models?  “I wouldn’t mind at all,” she tells me sincerely. “I guess I’d have the same concerns and worries for her like my Mum had for me. I’d give her lots of support and encouragement. I’d be able to guide her in the right direction and stop her from making the same mistakes I did.”

 

Does it not bother you that there are some people out there who think you are portraying women as non-intellectual, sexual objects that are designed solely to instigate sexual arousal in males?  “Everyone has their different views and opinions, and of course, they’re entitled to them.  It would be wrong of me to try and change that.  Yes, I am in a career designed to make men sexually aroused, but that doesn’t make me as a person a sexual object or non-intellectual.”

 

Have you had any bad experiences at work?  “No, thank goodness.  I still have many years of modeling ahead of me so I still could have a bad experience, though.  It’s something I’m prepared for.”

 

What advice would you give to people wanting to get into the industry?  “Don’t approach it thinking it’s glamorous and easy,” she says.  “It’s not.  It’s hard work and you’ll get a lot of criticism. There are many sites dedicated to networking photographers and models- get logging on and hopefully you’ll find work.  Don’t think you’re going to get paid straight away- you won’t, and be aware of the fact that amateur models only get a selection of images for their time.  It’s standard, but as your portfolio grows you’ll get more and more work, and most likely get paid work.  Only join an agency when you think you’re experienced enough, otherwise you’ll only get disappointed when you get turned down.  And lastly NEVER EVER pay a penny to join an agency, legitimate agencies never ask for fees or admin costs.”

 

And here ended our chat.  What struck me most about it all was that this beautiful girl was no bimbo by any stretch of the imagination.  She has her head well and truly screwed on, is intelligent and ambitious.  She knows that she has chosen a career that is right for her and allows her to spend time with her family as well as traveling afar and seeing places.  Dannie Piggott is the polar opposite of the stereotype of glamour models, and perhaps women should celebrate her and her colleagues, and give them the benefit of the doubt from time to time.  It’s all too easy to judge.

Hello Whistlerettes.  Today, I’m going to impart a little story to you.  There are three reasons for doing this- 1) it’s quite an interesting little yarn; 2) it’s basically regarding an email conversation I had with someone, so producing this article will be mainly cutting and pasting and therefore not very much hard work for my good self, and; 3) it might warn the more gullible members of our society about this incredible scam.

 

It all began just over a week ago when I received an email into The Whistler’s mailbox at whistlermail@yahoo.co.uk.  Now because this address is a very public one, I do tend to get a lot of spam (interspersed of course with your emails, sweet readers).  One of the letters caught my eye, as it was addressed, not to Craig, or Tammy or Johnny or Carol, but to ‘my dear sweet mr whistler’.  Hmmm, I thought to myself.  This is either a badly researched piece of mail, or spam.  Curiosity got the better of me, and assuming that I was the aforementioned ‘mr whistler’, I opened it.

 

“Hi Mr Whistler,

 

I saw your profile online and like what I saw.  I might be coming over to your country soon and would like to meet up.  I am young, pretty girl and can send you photographs.  Let me know if you’re interested by writing to me at *******@********.com.”

 

The email had scam written all over it (not literally of course- that would be fucking stupid), but I was intrigued.  I confess, I responded.  I thought, “what do I have to lose?  She thinks my names Mr Whistler, for fuck’s sake!”

 

I replied saying that I would be VERY interested in her plans.  Within a day, I had a response:

 

“Hi my friend, new friend!

I am so glad to see that you have decided to reply, I see it is very short letter.

It' s all right because you are astonished to get my letter. I want you to know that I have only good intentions and I have not any secrets.  The thing is that I will work in your country for six months or so and I would like to meet a nice man to fall in love or just be closest friends.

I don’t want to live in Russia because I have not any chances here, it' s hardly possible to explain from first time but I want you to know my plans.

I will work in any shop, bar or restaurant the agency that i am going through will suggest me some locations.  It will be my choice in the end as to what option to go for.  So I will have a simple work till I improve my English.  And I can choose any town of your area, agency will only help me to get a visa and all travel documents + some suggested placed to work in.

My best friend last year met the man from the USA when she worked there for three months, too.

She had two jobs.  From morning till 4 pm she worked in amusement park and after it she worked as a waitress in some bar till midnight.   She was very tired of course but made very good money there.

It 's special programme for young people who wants to work abroad and I think it is the right way for me, I am lost here, and I think that I look pretty enough to find a better place .I want to repeat the same way, it is only my chance to meet a nice man. I want to work in USA or in Europe or any nice country.

I'm full of plans and different dreams and I want to share my life with good man because I'm also full of love and tenderness, I know that I am not so beautiful like Hollywood Princess but I do hope to meet my Prince and I am sure he will be not be disappointed to meet me in the real life!

This is why I am going to go through the same way.

Well, I will close this letter and I do hope to get your reply.  I will leave Russia in two weeks or so (I can't tell you everything exactly right now) and I would like to be sure that I have the man who waits for me there.

I will work all day and I want to find a man to spend all free time together to get to know each other better.

If you have any interest to meet me I will be more than happy to meet you too. I will tell you all details about me and my life if you like my pictures and want to meet me! Please send picture of you too!!!

Please don't write to me more on a mailbox (CENSORED) it is a mailbox of my friend I has created new personal mailbox (CENSORED), please write letters now only on this mailbox .I will wait your next letter.

Kissssssss  you , Aleksandra (it's my real name )”

 

Silly cow forgot to attach any photos.  So I wrote back and told her so.

 

She responded:

 

“Sorry, photos seems to me was not attached to the letter.

Now I shall try to send you again

I hope you will answer a.s.a.p.

 

Aleksandra”

 

This time, some photographs were attached.  Man, she was WELL tidy!  I didn’t send her any pics of myself as she’d requested in her previous letter.  After all, she was trying to scam me, and I didn’t want her (or indeed HIM) to be able to have an idea of what this gullible idiot looked like.  They can get fucked.  I responded to her mail telling her that the photographs she had sent were very nice indeed.  I don’t go for the long-winded emails.  Just a line to keep her on her toes.  And I awaited the next part of her cunning plan.  I didn’t have to wait too long!

 

“Hello my dear Mr Whistler.  Thank you for your answer!

At first I think I have to say that I am new in internet and I have only good intentions.

You should know that I am not very good writer in English, please be patient to read my messages and see many mistakes. To be fair I don't know what you want to know about me, in principle.

I'm usual girl. I think I should tell you about interests, my tastes, hobbies and me. I think I will tell you about things I want to know about you and you will know my future questions.

I am 25 years old; my birthday is February, 20, 1982. I so much don't want to get older; when I can see old women I am getting crazy to think that it is my future. I do all the best to keep my youth and I keep my body well. In spite of all difficulties here I am trying to be in good condition and I do a lot of exercises to be in good shape!

I am about 165 cm tall (5.4) and my weight is about 50kg. I've been told I look well enough, and I think that all women have own beauty. I have never been married and I don’t have children.

I have one youngest sisters and it is great problem for us because we have only two rooms flat. You can't imagine what does it mean to be born in small town in Russia, there are not any chances to live well, to get a good job. All young people leave towns to search great luck in big cities but nobody waits for them there. I want to leave Russia, I know it sounds ugly but I know that I will be lost here like many young girls before me. It is not place to grow children and have stable future. I want to meet my right man.

I think in future I can work as fitness trainer I have a certificate.

My mother is my great problem too, she has a great dream to see me married and she wants to make me happy but I think it is only my business I am not a little child. She tells me every day that I should get married very soon... To be fair I am not sure I am able to explain all in first message I want to say so much! I just want you to know that I am not afraid to work, I am fairly goal oriented and I am sure you will be not disappointed to meet me in real life. I am going to spend three months abroad to work in any good place, agency promises to help me because it is only the way I can leave Russia. I will have all documents to travel in a few days and i will travel to Saint Petersburg then, from Saint-Petersburg I will travel to you and they ask me about name of the city i am going to work, if you don't mind to meet me please tell me the name of your city and nearest international airport! I will book my flight from Saint Petersburg!

I think it would be so great to meet my love and stay there forever. I know that it is not so easy like I think but I think it is possible that I meet my real love.

I want to love and to be loved I want to build our own happiness, only me and my man there. I don't smoke; I tried to smoke when I was younger.

I may have a glass of red dry vine, sometimes it helps to relax. I try to take care of my body and face. I know it is all I have.  My soul may have any interest for you later, I thinks am not a little girl and I know that at first almost all men look at body, legs and face. God created males such persons.

Well, I think I am lost in my letter, I am not sure you understand my goals, please feel free to ask. I live in Russia, small town Malaja Topka, Sibirjakov Street 8, flat 14; it is near big city Irkutsk.

My town is rather far from Moscow. Moscow is a capital of my country. I want you to reply if you understand my mind, my intentions, my soul, if not please reply too, I will continue my searching.

Well, I will close this letter; I think you are tired to read it. And if you think that I should write shorter letters please tell me.

I write from internet cafe in Irkutsk because there are not cafes and possibility to use internet in my small town, we have 4 digital phone number and we can't call abroad. Even to call in any big town here in Russia I have to order the call in advance. and I would like to say please don't worry if I keep silence sometimes I have no time to travel, it is about 25 minutes by bus from my town till Irkutsk  Please tell me more about you, your tastes, likes and dislikes.  Also I have a few important questions do you like strong drinks too much? Can you be very drunk? Very often? Can you be rude with women?

Well, I have to stop or I will write without ending. Kiss you! See you later. In my next e-mail I will write you more things about myself and more details about my trip and work. I will miss you, your  Aleksandra.”

 

I feel the need to pause briefly here and just re-read that sentence in the penultimate paragraph.  “Can you be rude with women?”  Heh heh!  God only knows what the correct answer to that one will be!!  Having seen this next batch of photos she’d sent, my answer would be a resounding ‘YES!’  I could be VERY rude with her!

 

I responded, simply telling her that I was looking forward to helping her fulfil her dreams and achievements, and that my nearest big city was Leeds.  Within a day or two, I received yet another communication from the Russian lovely!

 

“Hello my dear

I'm so glad to see your letter again, I think I am a lucky girl to meet such man and I will do my best to meet you in real life! You know I can work in any city of your area because it is free choice and agency only helps me to get only travel documents and ticket, and I do hope that we will like each other and now I have the destination.

The agency will also suggest some places to work in. I do hope I have met my right man! You know I have told you before one of my friend worked abroad last year and have met right man, now they live there and they are going to marry. By the way now they are arranging the trip to Russia, (he wants to meet her parents and friends)

I think if I feel that you are my dream and you have the same feelings we could think about our future together.  If not I will just work and return back when the time to travel back.  You know I am new here and I am afraid to make any mistake.

I have one great lack; I am very impatient sometimes I can act without thinking.

Sometimes I think that my dream is getting for real and it is so bad to be disappointed later.

I want you to know all small things about me because it shouldn't be any misunderstandings between us.

I want you to know that I am not angel and sometimes I can show my character. And I don't wait that you to be angel too, I just want to meet a kind man.  I am very kind and I can forgive almost all I can't forgive if my man sleeps with different woman, I don't know many necessary words in English.

I hope you can read between lines. A little more about myself! my favourite activity is fitness.  I wanted to be as fitness trainer but I finished The Irkutsk State University, trainer’s faculty as fitness trainer but I don't work on my profession because there are no good fitness clubs in my city,

I used to sit at home and to do all housework, helping my mom. I would like to have good job, I may work dancing teacher, or trainer of fitness, and you know I have a certificate. I worked as a trainer a year ago and I would like to do it again. You know how many younger girls want to get this job too! A lot of competition here. I want to tell you about things I like: I like to make barbecue and I so much want to have my own home with fireplace.  Usually I make very tasty ones and in principle I like to cook and it is not problem for me to cook something tasty and I don't like to visit cafes and restaurants, at first usually they can't cook well (maybe only here) and second too high price.

I like warm weather. And my great dream is to live somewhere on tropical island.  Also I want to tell you about my dislikes:  I hate our long winters it seems to me they will never end. I hate lies and unfaithfulness. I hate evil people and politicians I think they like to play wars, I hate any wars.

What I like in a man: faithfulness, honesty.  He has to be open-minded and  open-hearted, also easy-going. And much more important he is kind, kindness makes our world!

Are you kind and gentle man?????

I think my man should be kind; it is great feeling after love, only kind person may be happy, all rude people are unhappy or must be. A few questions yet, agency tells that I will have a room in nearest hotel near my future work but if we like each other may be is it possible to live together? I think we will enjoy life together. Do you have your car? Animals? I can't drive and I do hope you give me a few lessons, to be fair I have so many plans .I will find out all travel details about my flight this week. I will leave my town today in two hours and i think I will be not able to write to you today or so.

When I am in Saint Petersburg I will send you short letter to let you know that I am all right and they tell that it takes about two days to get all necessary papers, please confirm your phone number and international airport, I want to be sure I have all your details and please don't look at different girls. I am the best (joke). Well, I will close this letter I think I am bore today, and please feel free to ask. See you soon! I can't believe everything is for real. To be fair I am lost and my head is like any big station with a lot of voice!

KISS and LOVE Aleksandra”

 

As you can imagine, she didn’t get my phone number.  She did send a few more rather tasty pics of herself (yeah right!) though.  Her next communication came a day or two later.

 

“My honey! It is me, can you believe I'm in St. Petersburg. I can' t believe, it was wonderful flight and they gave red vine in plane, wow, I have never tried such tasty one!!!!!  I went the bus up to the Subway from the airport. In Subway long went, it was so is delightful I was in travel agency today, but my documents are not ready yet, it will be ready tomorrow.  I will go to travel agency again to get all info about my trip. And of course, when I will get it - I will send it to you!

It’s such great city and it takes a few hours to travel from one end to other.  I rented the flat for few days.  People said to me some nice places in St. Petersburg while he was such a great city it is. I have no words to explain. You can't imagine how great St. Petersburg is, to be fair I wouldn't like to live here, a lot of cars, people, voice and pollution. Ugly traffic and people with crazy eyes.

When I get off plane in airport St. Petersburg policeman asked about passport and he looked at me like I am any enemy, I think all people here are a little crazy at terrorism. Life here in St. Petersburg is expensive. I was going through some shops today and it is much more expensive than in our town. Food and all the general things. It is the same country but different prices, what a great change.

I think people living in St. Petersburg are very cautious, I think so.  But I think that I have done my choice and to be fair I don't want to live here, it is not the city of my dreams. You know I am not coward I am not afraid I know it is my chance to meet kind man .I do hope I am right. And I think you are too kind to make any bad things I feel it.  Well, I will close this letter, please write as soon as possible! See you soon! KISS. Great kiss from Saint Petersburg!!!!!!!!!  Aleksandra!”

 

Well, our relationship certainly seemed to be hotting up, that’s for sure!  When oh when, I asked myself, would the scam be coming?  Or had I misjudged her?  Perhaps she truly was a beautiful, innocent young lady from Russia, genuinely wanting to meet Mr Right (or indeed Mr Whistler) and start a new life in a new country.  Perhaps I was wrong.

 

Of course I wasn’t.  The next day, it arrived:

 

 

TRAVEL INFO  :    Aleksandra Vasina

© Travel Agency Blue River .

TRAVEL INFO  :  Aleksandra Vasina - private tour.(work visa)

Russian-English variants. ENGLISH SPEAKING GUIDE

Travel dates for: Ms. Aleksandra Vasina

Please label the inside and outside of each piece of baggage to be checked in with your 

name and where possible your address.

Suitable baggage labels and stickers are available free of charge. In advance of your journey.

Please note the current free baggage allowance included in your ticket price. 

You can find this information in the internet or via your Airline contact person. 

In case you booked a special fare please note that it can be subject to restrictions. 

Travel Abroad: When preparing to travel abroad for less than 5 months, 

it is important to ensure entry to another country. 

Depending on the country to be visited and the student's nationality, it may be 

necessary to apply for a visitor visa.  The student must have: a valid passport or 

travel document, valid visa.

Furthermore, page 4 must be signed by the RO. No special permission is needed, but it is 

important to have a valid passport, valid visa and all travel documents.

Thank you for your booking and have a pleasant journey. Kind regards.

"Blue River" is a licensed and officially registered travel agency.

Travel agency Blue River.

Our goal is to provide quality services for group and individual travellers.

Please use our service Managers: Ms. Ivanova Natalia.  Ms. Svetlova Maria.

The nearest possible flight is - January 17, 2008.From St. Petersburg Pulkovo Inter Airport.

Price: foreign passport, visa, tax, consulate fee, ticket Eco.class.USD 1290.00+  

This reservation will be automatically cancelled if the order is not purchased until 

January 16, 2008.

This information (and yes, I’m also aware that the dates don’t tally) came with the following communication from the Russian lovely.

“Hey my love, I have got all the info and resend to you, you see I am after  visit to consulate and agency and I am so happy to say that we will meet in a few days!!!!

I am really lucky girl to meet you. Honey the thing is that I booked nearest possible flight.  I need only your help.  There is only a small problem but I am sure we will be able to solve. I wanted to ask you to help me to pay for tickets but they tell that I can't use your help or ask you about sending me tickets because I have permission to use the help of agency only because they do all travel things and it is their business to arrange all travel things for my journey.  It is the law and it is not possible to get work visa without help of agency, too strong laws.

I was sure that my mom would help me because she promised but now she sent letter that it is possible only in a few months or so because of family problems and she can't send transfer now. I was in the bank to try to ask them about loan but they tell I have to have something to stay them and I have nothing to stay because I have only a few dress and things, some perfume and it is all I have, and small gift for you from

Russia with love. And I think it is not great problem for you to help me. I even think that maybe it will give you the pleasure to help me because you are my knight, right? After all payments here and travel by plane I have about 300$ my own money and

I need about 990$ from your side, because I have to pay for ticket and a few things yet, and I have to pay in advance about 1290$ and if the tickets will cost less i will get some money back when we meet.  I will return this sum and some extra money because to send transfer costs money too. I have to be sure that I will be able to book it or I will lose all the money I gave them in advance. I'm not going to ask one more time for your help, you see I am in hard situation. I will be waiting for your answer.

I know it sounds like I am poor outsider but you see I have not time or somebody to ask about help, you know my mom gave me all that we with mom could collect for my travel. I hate to ask but now I don't have any other choice. You saw all my body and I believe you I have done almost all here and now I need some help from you, please help me to leave St. Petersburg and it is all I ask now and you know I am full of the love to share with you.

Kiss you, counting days and minutes before our meeting. You know it is only money, and I think that it is not too hard for you to help me ,you see I have such chance only once in my life. I know you are kind man and I do hope you will be able to help me. I promise I will return all the money .and I will earn money because I am ready to work as hard as possible!

Million Kisses, Your poor Aleksandra.

You know my rent address here is  Russia, St. Petersburg, zip 196084, Zastavskaya street 13 flat 44. Remember that my full name is  Vasina -(last name) . Aleksandra - (first name) it is right writing in English, and you should put it on western union list and you can choice any bank in St. Petersburg, they tell it is international service and I can get money in any bank of St. Petersburg.  They tell I can get only western union transfer because I have not any bank accounts in St. Petersburg and I have only passport and it is enough to get it!

P.S. I am not sure I should tell this but I want to let you know that if you don't like me I will not bother you and it is only your choice to spend time with me I know you may be too busy, and in any case I will return money back .you know I will have rent room, job and I want to say that you don't worry that I want to use you just for my goals. And I am sure that when we meet we will not regret about it, promise, and I hate people who imagined so many silly rules and laws. And I have only small suitcase with me. and I dream about our first meeting, our first night  and I have some sexy night dress with me! And I think that now everything depends on you my hope and I will check my mail all day and all night because i can't sleep if I am not sure that everything is all right and you can help, please dear don't leave me alone i have done so much and I am almost near you. And I can stay more than six months, I can stay longer it is possible if we fall in love and going to marry.  But I think we need time to learn each other and as soon as I got transfer, they tell in the bank you should send me transfer number and I will be able to get transfer then, I will send exact schedule and number of the flight and terminal number and time of my arriving to your airport.”

 

Phew!  So there you have it- poor little girl just needing me to transfer 990 US dollars to her.  How gullible must these people think we are?  Do they really think we’d fall for such claptrap?  Do they honestly suppose people would actually send cash in the hope of having their wicked way with some attractive Russian lovely?

 

Not a chance in hell!

 

Still, she did send me a few more smashing photographs!

 

The cheque’s in the post…

 

‘Til next time folks…

 

Hello there, Whistlerettes, and thank you very much for joining me once more here on the old worldwide web.  And I’m going to go as little bit political on you again, this week, but it is something that I do feel quite strongly about.

 

The week before last (or sometime thereabouts), an item on the news caught my eye.  Apparently, the government are planning to withhold fiscal benefits from drug addicts who fail to keep up with their rehabilitation schemes.  Home Secretary Jacqui Smith said the move is part of a 10-year strategy to help tackle drug-related crime and social problems.

Critics have already dismissed the plans as a "regurgitation of past mistakes".

"We will expect people, as a minimum, to come and have an appointment with a specialist treatment adviser," she said.&