Teen Girl Fellowship

I've grown up in a Christian house and I've always thought I was a Christian till now!  Now I'm having second thoughts and third thoughts! I'm really confused and don't know what 2 think anymore! God has always been a really big part in my family and always will be.. but I just don't know if i'm actually saved! PLEASE help me! thnx
-Miranda

Dear Miranda,

To be saved means to have
1. Seen your need for a Savior the fact that you cannot make it to heaven on your own
2. Realized that Jesus Christ the Son of God is that Savior
3. To have accepted His free gift of Salvation

After that you are a Christian. However, being a Christian doesn't stop there. Although you don't have to 'do' anything to become a Christian part of giving your life to Christ and having Him be your Savior is that you actually give your life to Him... ok that is all of it. Once you are saved doing devotions and growing closer to God and doing good works is part of your life. Because God changed you and saved you you are no longer the person you once were. For a first step in growing closer to God (if you have done the 3 things above) read the answer I have on our website to a question about devotions. Start doing the devotions everyday and if you never 'hear' from God then you are probably not saved. Being a Christian isn't a sinners prayer.. it is a changed life.
Email with more questions
-molly

I would like to be a Victoria Secret model, Adriana Lima is christian and a model do you think its okay?

-Jules

Dear Jules,

Simply put... no I do not think it is OK. A daughter of the Lord should be modest and should keep her body pure until marriage. Read Secret Keeper by Dannah Gresh.

-molly

Hi I go to a Christian school but majority of the students there are not. I am struggling lately because I feel that God and I aren’t connecting much. Like I am trying and I could probably read my bible a bit more often but I just feel like I'm all alone. At youth group, when everyone is getting touched and happy and praising God, I feel isolated, like I'm the only one not getting stuff. I
don’t know how I feel...I kind of feel numb. I still pray and follow God's word but still... what am I doing wrong? please help!
-Lucy

Dear Lucy,

You aren't doing anything 'wrong'. In fact the fact that you are trying so hard is wonderful, at least you want a relationship with your Heavenly Father. However, I can give you some suggestions to 'spice things up a bit'. Just like a marriage or really any relationship between two people changing things up a bit helps to keep the relationship fresh and enjoyable for both parties. If devotions and time with your Savior become a task you just do to check off your list you aren't going to feel that "touched, happy praising God" 'feeling' everyone else gets. Here is what I would suggest to spice up your devo (daily time with God) life

When I was at camp I was given this suggestion and it really has worked wonders... my quiet time has gone from a box on my check list to something I wake up and can't wait to do... my day just feels out of whack if I don't take care of it. First, get a note book, this is going to be your devo book. If you want to you can decorate it make it fun to look at or just use any leftover school notebook you have. Every day you are going to write in this note book; some days you will write a few sentences others you could fill out pages, it is kind of like a journal. I like to have at least part of my journal left empty for me to fill out verses I am working on memorizing (oops getting ahead of myself) anyways here is your 'road map' to your daily devos

*1st - conversation................Talk with God, thank Him for being there to listen, thank Him for the opportunity to be with Him, thank Him for sending His son, Praise Him for an answered prayer or something He has done in your life, or just let Him know what you are thinking about at the moment. Ask Him to meet with you. Also, invite the Holy Spirit to work on your heart through the living and active word of God as you discover truths He wants to show you. WRITE: in your journal write your prayer of thanksgiving. In the future it is always wonderful to go back and look at how this section grows. Pretty soon your love for God starts exploding in this section and it seems you don't have enough words.

*2nd - confess............ You are meeting with an Awesome and Holy God here! Just like Moses took off his sandals when he came to the burning bush and the priests of the old testament would have to fully bathe and sacrifice a lamb before talking to the Father you too need to come clean before Him. Ask God to reveal to you any current, unconfessed sin in your life. Ask Him if there is anything keeping you from being close to Him and then (after giving some time to just listen.. yes, you are going to be just sitting still... doing nothing but thinking... trust me if there is something in your way God is going make you feel guilty during this time) after the Holy Spirit has nudged you (suddenly you remember yelling at your little brother... or yesterday when you told your mom you cleaned your room when really you were just playing video games) you need to repent of those sins. WRITE: in your journal put down your prayer of repentance. Put down what it is you are struggling with in sin and ask God's forgiveness. When we write things it really makes us think about it and also later it is encouraging to look back at previous sins and see how God has worked in our life to over come those sins. Now this shouldn't be a list of all the 'wrongs" as we go throughout our day we should talk with God about wrong things we have done. But don't feel like you need a mile long list. Just WRITE DOWN the big issues in your life.

*3rd - Meditate.........This is the fun part. This is where, now that you are with God and are right before Him, He shows you stuff. Pick a passage of scripture to read the whole book of Colossians is good, Romans, 1 Corinthians... really anywhere in the Bible. Pick a lengthy passage... no short stories here. Go for a good at least 15 verses or more if you feel like it. Read these verses over and over and really think about what they have to say. After reading them 2 or 3 times pray to God and ask that He would help you to understand it and make applications to your life. WRITE: put in your journal what verse you read and what God showed you in them. For me basically a verse like John 3:16 (we all know that) might have something like this written in this section: "God loves me so much... wow.. how amazing. Today I really feel touched by His love for me. He sent His ONLY SON!!" See how I didn't draw any philosophical conclusions I simple took exactly what the Bible said and applied it to my life.

*4th - Memorize...... next take a few minutes to read over the current verses you are working on memorizing. Hiding God's word in our heart helps us to stand up against trials and temptations and it also keeps Him on our mind all the time. WRITE: just in the front or back of your journal have the list of verses you are memorizing completely written out (meaning you write reference and verse) so that it is easy to get to.

*5th - Close.... Now just thank God for this time with Him and ask Him to be with you throughout your day. I have a sort of catch phrase, "same place same time tomorrow?" it makes God like a friend.. or a band mate... WRITE: anything else you might think of....

Warning: This could radically change your spiritual life!!!!

Try and do your devotions first thing in the morning (that way you can "take God with you" all day) also set aside at least 30 minutes for them. Trust me it sounds like an eternity but the first time I did this it took me 50 minutes... it would have been longer but since we were at camp that is all the time they gave us. Also know that it may take longer than that. So maybe your first day set aside more than enough time and then see how long it takes you.. maybe you are a fast/slow reader maybe you have to listen longer before God speaks to you. Also make sure you are somewhere where a million people aren't going to come and interrupt you.

let me know if you need more help

-molly

P.S. One more tip... get a devotions book. Still follow the above method every day but to switch things up every now and again you could use a different book. However, make sure the devo book you get has you reading the Bible. A good devotionals book will have you reading the authors comments just as much as the bible. If for one day they only have you read one verse then find a new book. Suggested Author: Elizabeth George (she uses a ton of verses)

P.P.S. CHALLENGE: Try this style of devotions for an entire 7 days straight (you can take Sunday off... though it won't hurt you to do it then either) and after you have done it without skipping a single day... email me. Let me know how it went and if God taught you anything or if you feel any closer to Him... I am a curious girl I will admit *grin* plus I like to know if I actually have helped anyone or if I am just rambling for nothing... This challenge is to anyone who will take it!!

*insert very long narrative that basically is a story of "Jill and Tim"*

ok my question is what do I need to tell her now? she sees it as its going be so hard and its just so over whelming to her because she has never done it before..  what are some "tools" she can use at school and home that will help her stay on track with God and not fall to what everyone is telling her to do?  for someone that is just starting a real walk with God how does she need to make her statement at school and show where she stands.  how can i show and tell her that even though its going to be so hard it will so be worth it in the end.  where do her
and i go from here? what do you think?

GG

Dear GG,

Just suggest your friend get an accountability partner (like you for example) and set the boundaries of where she will and won't go. The Bible only says remain pure so as long as she remains pure in God's eyes the rest of her actions (like deciding whether she will hug or hold hands with boys) is up to her personal conviction. You shouldn't make these convictions for her, she should pray with God and let him tell her what He does and does not want her to do. Then just be there for her to talk to if she is struggling with keeping to one of her guidelines. You guys could also get together on a regular basis and maybe go through a purity book reading a chapter at a time and then talking about it and looking up any verses mentioned in the chapter. First go to your mom, or dad, and ask them if they think the book is good for you (not that any purity books are bad, it is just that some are made for people at an older age dealing with bigger issues than just whether to kiss their boy friend or not and may just open a can of worms to coin the phrase). And most of all, pray a lot.

-molly

1. Dad has a bad temper, and once he gets started, he won't stop. my mom is soft-hearted and told me she doesn't know how long she can hold on to the marriage. What should I do?

2.there's 2 q's in 1 here, but anyway, is it a sin to like a boy? anyways, there's this boy at my (old) church. he's 1 year older than me, and he's a really good Christian. I don't know if I should like him or not, though, I mean my dad sometimes cracks jokes about you know who. Should I like him?

signed,
Tiara AKA Funsize

Dear Tiara... or funsize

Well as far as your parents relationship goes... I am sorry that there isn't a whole lot you can do other than pray. This is between your parents and the Lord and, unlike most kids think, if they choose to not follow what God has commanded it in no way reflects on you. However, you can do a search for passages in the Bible that talk on marriage and show your mom that God hates divorce, etc and encourage her to hold on and also a big thing is pray for them. Maybe suggest they meet with your pastor for some counseling or read the book "The Five Love Languages" by Steve Chapman (an excellent book even if you aren't married... however, there is also the same book just for teens if you would like to read it)

I smile when I read your second question. You ask me if you should like him... to tell you the truth you already do. To 'like' someone is to be attracted to them and that isn't controllable we all 'like' someone down the road... it is love that is a choice. I suggest that depending on your age you give it some time and wait to give your heart away until later. It is ok to be good friends with this boy and don't feel bad if you are attracted to him, but you can control how much time you allow yourself to think about him and etc.

-molly

I have a group of girls from my church who are going through some rough times. I started a group called pow-wow girls. Its only going to be the second meeting and the girls are inviting their friends. I decided to do purity but I need some help finding examples to use to really make them see.
- Need help

Dear Need help,

I would suggest reading some books on purity and maybe having these girls read some with you. Also, do a search at www.blueletterbible.com on the word Purity and see what the Bible has to say about it. Rather than just telling these girls to be pure have them read with you what the Bible has to say about it and maybe some interpretations have the Bible on purity. Just be careful and have maybe your mom help you when picking out texts, not all purity books are suited for all ages and should be viewed by your parents first.

-molly

I once talked to this boy in my school who is a bad boy in terms of flirting with girls. I told him what he has been doing is wrong, he should repent and that I would pray for him. This turned out to be a mistake because he did not take me seriously, I felt that since he did not take me seriously praying for him would be a waste of time. Since this incident he makes remarks about repenting as jokes to please any listener. I don't know what to do because if I try and preach to him again he would just make more fun of God. I know it is the right thing to do but I don't want him to annoy God any more than he already has. I am not a good preacher as has already been proven and don't want a perfect girl label. God bless,

-Julie

Dear Julie,

Well, preaching isn't the answer. If any person is in sin then we can only pray for them. Unless they are a Christian it is not our job to confront their sins. It is ok to be a witness to this kid but until he is saved you shouldn't preach at him over his sins only ask him to come to know the Savior. All the same this does not mean that if you know a Christian doing something wrong you should "preach at them" you should just confront them in love and, after making sure your life is clear of sins, pray with them and lovingly tell them they need to be right with the Lord.

-molly

Hi!!!!!!!!!! I'm moving soon. Any advice on how to stay sane?

-Bubblygirl

Dear Bubblygirl,
Much prayer!! You could try having devotions with a friend over the phone every evening, or doing devotions with your family. Also, I'd suggest taking a short walk every day to give you time alone to get your thoughts in order. I'll pray for your sanity! 

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
Is Mary the queen of Heaven and Earth? Is it right to call her holy?

-Sroda

Dear Sroda,
No, Mary is not the queen of Heaven or Earth. She is not Holy. Only God is truly Holy. Mary was a human who sinned just like you and me. God rules heaven and Earth, no one else.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
It's in the Bible that if you are ashamed of God, He will be ashamed of you. Is not telling everyone about repenting, and trying not to show everyone you're a Christian because they will mock you, being ashamed of God? It's hard to be a good Christian in school. They'll call you "goody-goody" or "Christian freak". I even go to a Catholic school, this shouldn't be a problem!

-Sroda

Dear Sroda,
Think of it this way: if you're ashamed of someone, you probably won't admit to someone that you know them, or you'll say mean things about them. Or maybe you'll ignore them. Being a Christian doesn't mean you need to shout from the nearest rooftop that you are a Christian, but it does mean that you should never shy from an opportunity to share your faith. Whenever someone calls you a "Christian freak", don't get mad at them, or argue with them. Simply tell them that you will be praying for them, and walk away. You do not want to make your faith offensive, but you don't want to hide it. We're allowed to be Christians, you're not breaking any laws, so don't hide it! Let your light shine, you'll be glad you did.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
What is the meaning of "Spare the rod and spoil the child"? Does God want our parents to hit us? Please answer as soon as possible it's very important to me.

-Sroda

Dear Sroda,
"Spare the rod, spoil the child" does not mean that our parents should hit us, or beat us. It means that there should be consequences to our disobedience. There's a HUGE difference between striking in anger, and disciplining (like spanking or grounding). For discipline to work, the child has to understand why they are being punished, and that the parent still loves them. But if you never have a consequence for something you've done wrong (say, eating cookies after being told not to, or purposefully disobeying your parents) then you will think that it's fine to do it and end up spoiled.

-Silmarwen

P.S. For more information, check out what Doctor Dobson has to say on Focus on the Family's website.

 I am extremely afraid of spiders! Recently a spider was crawling right next to me and I grab whatever was closest and squashed it. Unfortunately I ended up killing the spider with the Bible. I feel bad, what should I do?

-Alix

Dear Alix,

You are ok on this one... though you need to treat your Bible with respect I have never heard of getting in trouble for this sort of thing. Just put your Bible in a spot where it won't be vulnerable of doubling as a fly swat and just be extra careful. Just be more careful next time. If it really keeps bugging you just pray and ask for forgiveness and be more careful next time

-molly

Hey;  Here's the thing, I know you probably get like 14 million girls telling you about a crush they have. This is not the same thing.  I have had crushes before and it's just not. I have had a thing for the same guy for 7 years.  It started as a crush and then my youth leader was going over the parable of the true vine and I realized that I was putting this guy before God. I totally fell in love with my Savior, and he is now first place in my life. The problem is, I still care so much about this guy. We are really good friends and he is a good Christian guy. Even when he liked another girl I didn't even feel jealous, which surprised me a lot. I have no doubt in my mind that I love him, but I don't believe in relationships in high school. Please tell me what I should do with my feelings. I have no way of knowing if he returns them. Thank you.

-Megan

Dear Megan; Well, if you don't want a relationship in high school the only thing you can do is just remain good friend with this guy until you are out of school. Really as a girl I don't think that you should ever be the one to make "the first move" so you just need to pray that God would give you wisdom in what to do and patience in waiting on His time (meaning God's not this guy's). Pray on a regular basis for your future husband (whoever he might be) that God would draw him close and grow him into a Godly man that would come along side you and help you grow towards the Lord. However, try as much as you can not to put this guy in the "husband" position of your prayers. You cannot know the plans God has for you, but let me tell you, they are amazing. If God has this guy in your future as your husband then you just need to wait on Him to work. But you still should act as if it isn't this guy and you are still saving yourself for your husband (not just physically but emotionally too). There is no greater gift that you can give to your husband than to have him know that even though you might have been interested in another guy you have saved yourself as much as possible for him... and even though it may mean being reserved now you will enjoy being able to do that for him too.

sorry that I can't really give you a step by step plan.. but really there is no perfect formula.. only to wait on the Lord and ask for his guidance

-molly   

Dear Silmarwen
I would like to ask about the Sabbath Day: is it wrong to do little things like homework or cook on this day since it is a day of rest? And what is the meaning of "Make this day holy", I mean, we are supposed to pray and read the Bible and do good things everyday, right?

-Sroda

Dear Sroda,
I'm so glad that you are concerned about this! There are many different views on how to treat Sunday, here's my view:
Yes, it is perfectly fine to work on things like homework (although, I wouldn't suggest putting weekend homework off that long!  ), and cooking is also fine. However, God doesn't want people to be so busy they can't go to church. For example: it's perfectly fine to play a game of basketball, or soccer, with your friends on Sunday, but not if it keeps you from going to church. God doesn't want us to be bored on Sunday, and sit around doing nothing, but he doesn't want us to be having so much fun we ignore him, either. I suggest spending a little more time reading your Bible and praying than you normally would. Yop could try starting a small group with some of your friends that meets on Suday.
And, yes, you are supposed to be reading the Bible and praying and being nice to other people on a daily basis.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
I have curvy hips. My problem is that boys in school and men on the street keep looking at them. I read in a Christian website that we shouldnt provoke our Christian brothers, but they show really well no matter what clothes I wear. Also, I feel so dirty knowing that some man is looking at my hips. Help me!

-Sroda

Dear Sroda,
If you are trying your hardest to be modest, then there's not much you can do. You could pray that God will help men not to notice you, or that you won't notice the men looking at you. I'm sorry I can't help you more than that.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen
Why did GOD put sexual urges in us when we are so immature? Why couldnt it wait till later in life? And does GOD see all sins equally?

-Sroda

Dear Sroda,
We have sexual urges because our hormones are "turning on". God deseigned our bodies to slowly transfer from childhood to adulthood. In the past teenagers were referred to as "young adults" and were much more mature than todays "teenagers". People got married in their early teens.
God views all sins the same...except for one: Blasphemy. This is more than a casual curse. It's claiming to be God, or cursing God.
I hope this answers your question!

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
What are your views on transgender. I think its a sin since it is written that a man should not dress in womans clothing and vice versa. I think this is about transgender, because a normal man in his right mind would not dress like a woman. I think instead of having surgeries they should seek help from GOD.

-Sroda

Dear Sroda,
You are absolutely right. It is a sin for a man to want to be with a man, or a woman to want to be with a woman. There are a lot of culteral and other pressures to convince those who are transgendered to think that it is right, and that same sex marriage is right. But it is not, and never will be.

-Silmarwen

There is this teacher at school and he is such a laugh. He's funny, we get on great and he's a fantastic teacher. The problem is I can't stop thinking about him and every time I see him it makes me smile, and we get on like a friends relationship, not teacher-student. I know myself it's wrong and he must be thirty-something, but I seem to be thinking about him all the time. What should I do?

Thanks, Worried

Dear Worried,

It is ok to get along well with a teacher. But you need to be careful. Because of his position and everything this is probably just a temporary obsession since you see him every day. School is getting close to coming to an end and I am sure by the end of summer your feelings will be gone. However, until then you need a way to try and think about him less. I would suggest memorizing some Bible verses and anytime you can't stop thinking about him try and remember those verses and say them out loud to yourself. Memorize good ones that you really like, Psalms with a cool sound to them, or Proverbs that you just love the wisdom to are great. Another good one would be (this is a chapter not verse) I Corinthians 13. It is called the love chapter and I really like it. I memorized it not too long ago and although it seems a bit long once you get going it isn't that hard. I will post it at the end of this if you just would want to read it and see if you like it.

-molly

I Corinthians 13

If I speak in the tongues of men and angels, but have not love, I am a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing [isn't that part cool? I just love the sound of it.. anyways]

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully even as I am fully known.

But these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love

See, not that hard. Memorize it in chunks and I guarantee you will love being able to walk around quoting it. 
 

I have an un-saved dad who wants a Divorce. I love him and have prayed for him since I was little. What should I do?

- Anda

Dear Anda,

I am really sorry to hear this. All you really can do is pray for him every day. Unfortunately as his daughter you don't hold a lot of authority in this case to keep him from the divorce. However, you can tell him you love him and want him to stay. You can also suggest to your mom (is she saved?) to get some counseling and refuse to divorce him. Other than that I am sorry I can't really help you.

God bless and best wishes,

-molly

I have being having so many problems and I would like to know if when you become a Christian does God intentionally send you more troubles as tests?
- Sroda

Sroda,

Sometimes God will allow (he doesn't send trouble) things to happen to you for your character growth. Also, Satan [God's enemy] once you are saved as lost a 'prisoner' and so he will try and get you to turn from God because of his hatred. Just ask God to give you strength to stand up against trials. Also part of growing up is struggles. As a young person your life is now taking shape into the woman God would have you grow up to be. There has to be some weighing and measuring and testing before you get the final product. Keep on Keeping on,

-molly

There are a group of boys in my school who like touching or pressing (not in an acceptable manner) girls openly. When they try it on me I hit their hands away and occasionally shout at them to keep them away. I walk away any time I see them standing close to me and answer them quiet rudely when they try talking to me. I would like to know if I am being too aggressive.

- Sroda

Sroda,

Obviously, it is totally ok to push their hands off of you. No man has a right to touch you in that manner except for your husband. So continue doing that and really walking away from them is ok too. There is no need for you to be in a situation like that. It is ok to say "Please don't do that that is wrong" and walk away but try not to shout. Your angry reaction may encourage them to do it more. And you do not have to be 'buddy buddy' with them but try and be polite for the sake of your testimony.

-molly

 I want to know if I should pray to God or to Jesus I pray to God and I feel I dont have a good relationship with Jesus. Help please!

Dear Reader,

There is a simple answer to your question. God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit are one and the same. Jesus is God the Son's earthly name so it is through him that we are able to approach the throne of grace (pray). If you aren't feeling sure it is ok to pray to God and kind of as a 'sign off' (you know the 'love' at the end of your letters?) say "in Jesus' name" because that is so true. If it weren't for him we wouldn't be able to pray. But don't worry when you draw close to God you are drawing close to Jesus because it is the same being.

-molly

I had my first kiss at six with a girl. I am not a lesbian though I was just trying it out; stupid I know and I have prayed to God for forgiveness. I want to ask about your views on homosexuality and whether we should have them as friends.
- Julie

Julie,

First of all you were 6. I don't know many 6 year olds who understand homosexuality so you weren't trying that out you were really just a little kid who hadn't been instructed and learned that that was wrong yet. So since you have asked God's forgiveness for sinning in ignorance then you can move on from it and don't have to worry about that. Oh boy, views on homosexuality? That could really bring up a few paragraphs but I think I will make it basic enough to answer your question. Homosexuality is wrong, it is a sin and the Bible calls it one of the 7 abominations. Marriage is between one man and one woman (You can read that in our statement of faith).

So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Genesis 1:27

That also means that any type of sexual relations should be between one man and one woman. Sadly, in today’s world you have to clarify that but it should be that sexual relations never happen outside of marriage. I digress (I have never used that word before.. cool) As far as having them as friends you should not be close friends with an acclaimed homosexual. It is ok to witness to them, confront them in their sin and encourage them to turn away from their sin and towards God. But just like it isn't healthy to hang out with friends who swear, drink or smoke you just shouldn't put yourself in a situation that makes you be all around it all the time. Not only can it create temptation it also can wear you down.

-molly

I know the Bible says a lot about how a woman must dress differently from a man and that skirts/dresses are more modest (if they're worn modest that is!) but is it bad to wear pants, if they aren't skin-tight and don't reveal everything?
Monica

P.S. I would wear skirts every day, but I just can't see how I wouldn't freeze my legs, even with leggings or tights during the winter, and it can get really cold where I live.

Dear Monica,

First of all I would like to clear up some things. The Bible doesn't say a lot about how a girl should dress differently and says nothing about skirts being more modest. In fact there is only one verse on this issue and it is found in Deuteronomy 22:5 "A woman must not wear men's clothing, and a man must not wear women's clothing. The Lord your God detests people who do this."

Ok, so does this mean women should only wear skirts? Does it say that? No. In some cultures men wear skirts and it is not considered women's clothing (I am thinking of a kilt) This basically just means don't wear men's pants. If one of my brothers put on my pants it would look pretty weird. Girls pants are cut completely different we have curves and shapes a man would look very... odd in. If you were to put on boy's pants you would find that they were not cut for your body at all there would be no place for your hips or any type of shape.. except a line.. is that a shape? Anyways, as far as whether you should wear skirts all the time or not that is a personal conviction. The Bible doesn't say one way or the other it just says not to wear men's clothing each person must be convicted by God on whether that means skirts only or women's pants.

-molly

 I would like to ask you if animals go to heaven I love my pets and want to know what will happen to them...

Dear Reader,

I cannot answer that question for you. I do, personally, believe that animals go to heaven because they do not have a soul. But I am not the owner of heaven so it is not up to me.. that is one of those things we get to find out when we get there. Good question though,

molly

Hey girls,

We have gotten a ton of questions on this topic so I am just going to give a general answer:

 Dear Reader,

First of all many people ask if Masturbation is mentioned in the Bible. Though you won't be able to find that exact word in scripture there are several verses that can apply:

Ephesians 5:3 But among you there bust not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people.

I Thessalonians 4:3-5 It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control [her] own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God.

Colossians 3:5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.

Though the Bible may not say "masturbation is a sin" it definitely is not beneficial. Being addicted to such a thing teaches your body that you can fulfill its desires and it is ok. This is like teaching a child it is ok to pennies and then expecting that child to someday not steal a car because a penny is only worth one cent. I would like to now quote from a book I would highly encourage any young lady struggling in this area to read:

We are not prudes, and we know that almost everyone experiments with masturbation. But that doesn't mean it is good for you. Even if we bought into the argument that masturbation is not a sin because it isn't mentioned in Scripture, we would refer back to what Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 10:23: "'Everything is permissible' - but not everything is beneficial. 'Everything is permissible' - but not everything is constructive." The bottom line is that masturbation can enslave you and bring you into bondage. Wee believe that fact alone is enough reason to abstain from the practice altogether. If you have discovered the pleasure of masturbation, it is time to loosen its grip on you.

-Every Young Woman's Battle by Shannon Ethridge and Stephen Arterburn

And that pretty much sums it all up.

God bless

-molly

Dear Silmarwen,
I had slept with my boyfriend last night, but then he left me, saying that he was done with me. What should I do?
-Alexandra Jordan

Alexandra,

First of all you need to recognize this is a sin and ask God for forgiveness and turn from it. Sexual immorality is discussed over and over and over in the Bible of something that is an abomination to God. If you have read any of my other writing you will know that I say that repentance is a three part thing: confess, ask forgiveness and then turn from your sin. Once you have received forgiveness from this action and have turned from it I would suggest that you do not involve yourself with this boyfriend. He obviously was using you and this breaks my heart, I ache for you that you would in one action give your heart and body to someone, not receive that same gift, sin against God and then be left. Now before I get you all depressed let me be encouraging. God definitely still loves you and will forgive you for this but you need to turn from this. You are still worth more than gold to God and even though your virginity is not something you can get back you can still save yourself for your husband. Just like if I give a pedal of a flower to a friend, even though it has lost some of its beauty, I can still give the flower to someone else. So save your pedals don't go giving anymore to anyone else until marriage. God establishes these "rules" (they are called commandments in the Bible.. but the word rule registers in my mind better) for our protection. He didn't want us to save this act for marriage just so we would have to be miserable it is because he knew of things like STD's, He knew that if you give yourself to someone who isn't committed to you by marriage you could be used and hurt in this way, He also knew the extreme joy there can be found in on your wedding night sharing something special with your husband that you have saved only for him.

So I encourage you to take a break from the dating scene... Basically remove the temptation. Pray and get in The Word on a daily basis. Get your life on track with God's principles so that next time you find yourself in a situation with a godly young man you can plan a future with, you will be able to make the right decision and enjoy the satisfying, spectacular wonderful relationship God has laid out for us in the Bible. If you have anymore questions on staying pure and what you should set up as boundaries or if you would like some good scripture passages to help you email me and put in the subject 'molly'.

                                                                         -molly

Dear Silmarwen/molly readers,

Cutting is a huge issue today and sadly is running rampant in our homes, high schools and churches. I would like to write some general statements here that have to do with it and how you can stop or get help to stop. Please read if you are a cutter and at the end I will have something for if you know someone who struggles with this addiction.

Why is this so prevalent? Well, because I know people trapped and have received many questions involving it, I decided that I would do some reading from a Christian source on this addiction.

First of all cutting is a way to relieve emotional pain by feeling physical pain. When you become numb and you just want to feel something pain is a friendly-looking alternative. Also your body natural releases chemicals to heal yourself when you are cut. This, like a drug, can become an addiction. So that is how people get 'hooked' on it. You know you have heard it before, "I know it is wrong, but I just can't stop." The reason why so many people are in so much emotional pain is because of the increasing amount of 'hopelessness' in our culture for young people. This is a result of the push for pursuing pleasure in everything but fulfillment in Christ. It is also because of the decline of the church's involvement in teen’s lives. Now I know that there are thousands of youth-group-attending teens that cut. But, as good as it can be, youth-group is not salvation. Ok, so lots of people are in pain... But there has always been sin so why has cutting become a big deal now? Well the truth is, it is the influence of society. Back in our parents day there were drugs and before that there was other things... it is just in this generation cutting is "the thing you do when you are in emotional pain."

O.K. there is some why... what about ... "what do I do now?!?"

One thing I hear over and over is, "I can't be forgiven.. I hear this is unforgivable" well, it is not! God can definitely forgive you for this.. if you think that he can't forgive this sin then that is like saying that Christ's death wasn't enough. When Christ died his blood was to cover your sins if you would ask him to be your savior and give your life to him. If you are a Christian, (meaning you have given your life to Christ and his blood, therefore, has covered your sins) then you can repent of any sin. Repent means to confess, ask forgiveness and then turn from it.

Ok, so you can be forgiven.... lets go over some steps of what you should do then... keep in mind within each of these steps there is a lot of praying; God must be involved.

1. Tell Someone!!! Not just anyone though, this shouldn't be your friend who will feel like they have betrayed you by going to an adult. This needs to be a parent, pastor, youth group leader or teacher. You can't stop this on your own! Just like a drug addict saying, "I am going to quit" isn't always enough. While some smokers are able to stop smoking, there is a lot higher success rate amongst those who use a patch or gum.

2. Now that you have told someone get help! Now the person you told might be your source of help. You need an accountability partner. Whoever you told will work just fine. By accountability partner I mean someone who will call/see you and check in on a regular basis. You need them to pray for and with you and ask you if you are stopping. This should be someone you can call or see anytime you really feel the need to cut. Getting a pastor/parent involved is your best bet. Though someone else could be your accountability partner your parents who love you and want the best for you should know.

3. Now that you have stopped this harmful process, it is time to heal what caused it! Just like taking the dealer away from the drug addict that is only the first step. Though the person no longer can get the drugs they feel they need, they still want them. You need to begin the process of healing emotionally. While you have been forgiven for your sins you still need to prevent them from happening (remember part of repentance is turning from your sins) Finding the root of your problems may not be easy and could take some counseling from a pastor or maybe even a professional. In some extreme cases it can be a chemical imbalance that is not fixable by the counseling route. However, do not assume that. First take every step possible by turning your life to Christ, getting involved in a bible study that will force you to keep in the Word (it isn't always easy), and completely immersing yourself in a setting that will keep you from returning to the "root of your problem" if after extensive amounts of time a counselor may determine that it is more than just an emotional scar.

Now we at T.G.F. would be glad to be your accountability partner. If this is truly a struggle of yours we are willing to send you emails on a regular basis to check on you. However, for your optimal success you really need to speak with someone who you see in person!

Send an email if you are interested in joining such an "e-loop" or if you have questions that have not been answered so far.

-Rachel (yeah I know this is supposed to be answered by molly or Silmarwen.. but they can't just volunteer Rachel and Liz's commitment?!)

Dear Silmarwen
Ok so...I just turned 14 and this guy just turned 15.. I go to church [[and I have been a christians since I was 7]] and he went for a while and stopped but started back again.. and we have been flirting for a while... and we had something going on at our church from 4 to till 10 that night... and me and him hung out most of the time... and he asked me out... my dad is very strict..but it just felt so right.. and I said yes... and he asked my dad if we could go out.. and my dad said he would pray about it and let us know next week...the guy.. he's moving on the right track with God.. my best friend [just like a big sis] said that he's getting there with his walk with God but needs to get a little further and I need to also before we go out... I've never had a boyfriend before so I'm scared I might fall and get all caught up in him.. but I don't want that to happen.. I want it to be me him and God.. I don't want to leave God out... he said he's willing to start devos and get closer to God if I wanted him to... I said yes, I want you to get closer to God and I want to be with you... he's really sweet and nice and he's so funny I love when he makes me laugh...and he's crazy..I just love to be around him...I've never felt like this before..and when I talked to my dad about it I wasn't ever scared,and I've never talked to him about a guy before...I really like him.. do you think I'm on the right track? what things can I do to keep God in our relationship? This feeling of calmness I have.. is it from God?? I don't want to stop spending time with this guy..I'm so confused... what do you think??
-Confused

Dear Confused,
If you've read any of the answers Molly and I have given, you know we don't encourage dating in high school. However, if you are determined to make this work, my advice is as follows:
Talk to your parents about it A LOT! If they don't agree with it, the stress levels in your life are going to skyrocket. Also, talk to God about it. If He wants this to happen, it will. If He doesn't want it, it won't.
If you do get into a relationship with this guy, I would suggest that you only go on dates in groups. Double date with friends, go to movies with several other friends, or even double date with your or his parents. (Yes, I know, not a popular idea!) If you're worried about physical temptation than dating in groups in very important!!! I cannot stress that enough.
Also, I suggest doing a couple's Bible study with him. It will help you to grow closer to God as a couple, and as an individual.

-Silmarwen

How do you flirt??? I am not sure that I am flirting by smiling at guys and saying, "hi". Is that flirting? I am really hoping it's not because I do that all the time!

-Hope

Hope,
Nope.. the words "hi" and the act of smiling isn't flirting... in and of its self. Saying, "hi" and smiling at someone becomes flirting when you make it that. If you just give someone a friendly smile and say, "hey" and he takes it as flirting.. then he is waaay to sensitive. However, if you go "hiiiii there" and give your killer smile and hold his eyes for way longer then just the passer-by-in-the-elevator grin... it can be taken as flirting.

-molly

Dear Silmarwen,
I have a very simple question. how would you describe God's peace to someone who is unfamiliar with it? Thanks.

-Emily

Dear Emily,
It's the peace that surpasses all understanding. Now, that doesn't mean that nothing is ever going to bother you again, or that nothing bad will happen to you. It simply means that God will be your comfort through those situations and will help you handle them.

Silmarwen

P.S... sorry Sil had to add to this.. experience ya know *wink*

Emily,

oh goodness... how do describe God's peace to someone who is unfamiliar with it? talk about a tough question... are you trying to explain it to someone or do you want me to explain it to you? Well, let me kill two birds with one stone...

God's peace is something I could never, if the sky was a scroll, the oceans ink and the trees all pens, fully describe to you.. it is when the world around you is crumbling.. and you aren't falling to pieces with it... it makes you smile like never before through tears that can't stop, laugh through the greatest pain you have ever felt, makes you strong in your greatest weakness, run when you can't stand, sing when you can't find the words to speak... it is the feeling that an awesome, omnipotent, omnipresent absotively posolutely incredible God cares and loves you and is crying and hurting with you; and wants you to have victory! Though the trials come He is there to be our greatest victory.. and that above described feeling usually doesn't show up when our lives are going great. It comes when we need it.. in our greatest moment of peril... when we can either fall away or stand in our greatest glory! Having been through the fire and the valley and now standing on the mountain of God I pray and hope that you get the opportunity to experience the same. Though I do not wish the valley on anyone the view up here is incredible.. and I haven't reached the top either! Climb with me

-Rachel 

Dear Silmarwen,
I have felt extremely depressed lately. I think about killing myself a lot! HELP!!! =(

-Missy

Dear Missy,
I suggest two things: Prayer and counseling. I don't want to sound hard hearted, but it's the truth. If you are this depressed you need help. Please talk to your parents, they will be able to find a good, Christian counselor in your area.'
I'll be praying for you, Missy.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
I have been a Purity filled Christian girl my whole life, you know the one the Pastor would introduce to his son. Well i wait until i was 18 years old to have a boyfriend, because i wanted to avoid slipping into temptation. The guy i am with now has been in my life for 6 years, has been my best guy friend for 3 years, and my boyfriend for 7 months. Now we both know that God has worked in both our lives to bring us together, and we plan on getting married in the summer of 2008. We are both finding it hard to stay pure for one another, because of his sexually active past and my having never experienced anything. Also we both know that if God were truly at the head of our lives we would not be having these problems but we just can't seem to keep God on our minds, we are trying to do a bible study every morning but we just aren't praying . I guess my question is do you have any advice for us that could help to strengthen our relationship with Christ as a couple and separately?

-Emory

Dear Emory,
Even with God as the head of your lives, you would still be tempted. It's human nature to be tempted, and it takes great will power (and even more help from God) to resist these temptations. Something that may help is this: don't spend a lot of one-on-one time with him. Invite friends to go to the movies with you and him. You could double date with another couple who have their feet strongly planted in God's word. Another thing you can do is to pray every time you feel tempted. Ask God to help you to be strong and to resist the temptation.
It's encouraging to me that you are trying to have a Bible study. Have you tried having studies with other people? You could start a couples' Bible study in your church. Even just including one other friend (or a parent) will suffice. As long as you have another person involved, they can help you keep on track.
Even though it may be hard for you to stay pure right now, just remember, it will be more than worth it in the end. 

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
I was just wondering if it is wrong to be in a relationship with a guy? If it is, why?

-Wonder

Dear Wonder,
No, it is not wrong...just not suggested. When you are in a romantic relationship with a guy, the door for temptation is thrown wide open. I would only suggest getting into a relationship with a guy if you are planning on marrying that guy. And if you do start a relationship, be smart about it. Don't spend lots of one-on-one time with him. Instead, do things in groups or with your family. You can do things just the two of you, but I don't suggest doing it often. You should talk to your parents and set some ground rules before you enter the dating world, it's a hassle now, but it will help you later. Trust me.

-Silmarwen

Hi there, I have a problem with a project that I have to do for school. The teacher says we have to collect data (over a period of 8 weeks) on how sex and gender are shaped by society. Well to me this is absolute none-sense because I believe that God already had all of that planned out before we were even born! I don't know what to do. Should I bend to what I know the teacher wants to hear or should I risk getting a bad grade?? Help!!

-Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Normally, I would say to listen to those in authority over you, but in this case my advice will be different. If your teacher is asking you to do something that goes against your beliefs, stick up for them. I don't mean you should be disrespectful of her, I simply mean to write the paper based on what you believe to be true. Talk to your pastor and your parents, I'm sure they can be a big help on this subject. Good luck!

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
I have OCD and most of my obsessions are related to religion. I am so paranoid that everything is a sin. I'm convinced that God can't forgive me because I am not repenting correctly or because what I've done is too bad for Him to forgive. Recently I have been obsessing over that fact that I think I added and took away words from the Bible through speech. Can God forgive me? I'm afraid that because it says that if someone adds or takes away words from the Bible they will not go to heaven. How can I know when I actually sin and when it is just my head telling me otherwise?

-Help Needed

Dear HN,
God can forgive any sin, no matter how terrible it may be. Even murder, though I highly doubt you've killed anyone. :-)
As for adding or taking away from the Bible, you haven't done it. What they mean by "adding or taking away" is adding to the Bible, and telling people that that's really what the Bible says, not paraphrasing a verse or two in a conversation. So calm down, you're okay. And there is no "right" way to ask God to forgive you, even a heartfelt sob will suffice. All that matters is that you are truly sorry, and truly want God to help you do better next time.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
Okay. There's this guy. I've know him for seven years. He's an amazing guy. He's the perfect guy every Christian girl wants. He's a Christian, he hates it when people swear around him. he's polite. He's very intelligent. He's an amazing musician. He's every thing I've dreamed of. He's one of the very few people who understands me. (Mostly because we think the same way) I really like him. But, there's a catch. My best friend really likes him. And if something were to happen between me and this guy, (as in dating), she'd hate me forever. And I don't want to risk it. I can't risk our relationship. Her relationship with him, my relationship with him, and our relationship as a group. But I really like him. He flirts with me all the time( but then again, he flirts with all his girl friends), and I've caught myself flirting with him. What should I do?

-DORI

Dear DORI,
You do nothing. Continue to be friends with him, and nothing else. Your relationship with your friend is much for important that a romantic relationship with a guy you most likely won't end up marrying, and only getting you heart broken by anyway. You need strond friendships to survive the teen years, so work on building those before you ever consider a romantic relationship with any guy.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
Hey, I'm a little confused and alone right now in my life. I'm waiting for the right chance to move on and forget my past but I'm scared of what might happen. I'm afraid of being hurt again. I know God is always there and he's waiting there for me to turn to him but i have turned to him so many times and the situations seem to be getting worse. I know he's testing my faith I just don't know why. I am afraid of being lonely and I don't know what to do. I met a great guy the other day but I'm afraid he will hurt me like the last one. should i leave him alone or keep talking and pray for the best?

-Jay

Dear Jay,
I wish I could hug you, you sound like you need one!
My first suggestion is to take a deep breath, close your eyes, and poor your heart out to God. I know you said that every time you turn to Him, things seem to get worse, so let me ask you this: Are you really trusting Him when you turn to him? Or are you doing it because you've been told it's what you should do?
You said you know He's testing your faith, but you don't know why. Do you know why teachers in school love giving you a pop quiz? It's because they want to make sure you're listening. God loves you, and He wants you to pay attention when He talks to you. Here's another metaphor: Why do your parents punish you when you disobey? Because they love you, and don't want you to form bad habits like disrespect, lying, stealing, cheating, and all other nasty little habits teenagers try so hard to develop. Being grounded hurts, but it gets the point across. Trials we face in life are often a result of our own disobedience, disrespect, or one of the other habits I mentioned. Sometimes it's because we simply decided to try running our own lives. God is "grounding" us on a spiritual level. So when trials come you way, maybe you should put on your spiritual listening ears. :-)
Now, as for this guy. Don't ignore him, but don't pursue anything other than friendship with him. Period. You need time to recover from your last hurt. And don't worry about getting hurt again (even though it will happen), because God will catch you when you fall.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen
I am worried about my brother and my friends. I am concerned because they don’t seem to love God. I know my brother believes but I don’t think he is a real Christian. Many of my friends don’t love or believe in God. I feel so bad just thinking about my brother and friends not going to heaven because they mean SO much to me! This never bothered me before I was saved because I struggled with God too. But now that I understand more about God I want them to realize what I do, I just don’t know how to teach people about God. Most of my friends are very stubborn in their feelings toward God and I don’t know how to help them. Do you have any suggestions?

-Concerned

Dear Concerned,
First I would like to apologize that it has taken me this long to respond! With school starting up again, and with how many messages we receive daily, it's hard to keep up!
Now, about you question: Be a light to them. Don't try to "shove Christianity down their throats". You can ask them if they'd like to come to church or youth group with you. You can show them God's love through your actions, not just your words. Pray for them every day, never skip a day!!! Love them, help them when they have struggles, but don't start quoting scripture at them every time they mess up, that would be a turn off to them. I would suggest, though, that you memorize scripture, not only because it's good for you, but because then if you brother and friends have questions about your faith you'll know how to answer them!

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
Last year I started a new school. None of my are Christians and they swear quite a lot too. My problem is I'm starting to kind of slipping away from God a lot. What can I do?

-Someone

Dear Someone,
Have you tried reading your Bible every day, going to you youth group regularly, and hanging out with good, Christian kids from you youth group? Something else I suggest this: try to be a light for God in your school. Don't comform to what your new friends are doing. Stand up for what you believe in. They'll see that your different by what you do, not what you say. You never know, by refusing to conform you could win someone for Christ!

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
Lately I've been feeling lonely. Like nobody understands me. I also don't feel like I'm pretty enough or good enough because guys at my school don't respect a Godly woman I guess. I guess I'd just like prayer and advice on how to not compromise my beliefs based on what everyone else wants me to be. Thanks!!

-Aly

Dear Aly,
If I could, I would hug you! I know this feeling, every woman does. But, do you want to know what the truth is? You are pretty and good enough!! More often than not, guys are actually too nervous to ask a girl that is "good and pretty enough" out, because they are afraid that those girls will think they they aren't good enough. So, for fear of being hurt, they go after the girls who are easy and cheap. Oh, Aly, I know how you must feel when guys don't seem to like you. But please, please remember that no matter what those guys think, God is absolutely crazy about you! He loves you so much he sent his only son to die for you! Now that is true love.
Also, no one really can understand you. We're all different. We all see things differently. But God understands you. He made you! Take your problems to Him, he wants you to, he's waiting for you!
As far as compromising your beliefs, just try to be yourself. Pray for God to help you stand your ground no matter what storms you may face!
I'll be praying for you,

-Silmarwen

I have asked Jesus into my heart several times over the past 6 years. I know that my next step should be getting Water Baptized, but I don't have a Pastor or a church right now. My parents have offered to do it (they are strong Christians). But I'm confused because I'm not sure if God wants me to be baptized by a real pastor or if it matters at all who baptizes me. I really want to grow closer to God and I know that it means that I need to get baptized, but I just don't know what Gods "rules" are about who should baptize me. Please help me! I'm so confused!!??

-Confused

Dear Confused:

Your parents, as long as they are saved (which you have already said they are) are definitely qualified to baptize you. Baptism is just a public profession of faith. So doing it in a tub in your back yard isn't public. Maybe find a church nearby that would be willing to let you step in on their baptism. Unless your parents are willing to arrange for a 'public' to view your baptism. If you do that I would just suggest that your parents read some scripture referring to baptism to the group and then you can share your Christian testimony and then any body of water would be fine for you to be baptized in. The whole point of this is to publicly proclaim yourself a follower of Christ. Hope this helps... Good luck (er... God's blessing)

-Molly

What does the bible mean when it refers to us as Jesus’ brides?
-Confused

Dear Confused,

When the bible talks about us as 'Jesus' brides' it is a metaphor. Basically it means that Jesus loves the church like a husband loves his bride. Of course for him it is on a greater scale because any earthly husband can not love his bride as much as Jesus loves the church because earthly love isn't as pure as the Father's. There is also a reference to the rapture of the church where the bible uses the 'bride and bridegroom' terminology. What it is referring to there is a Jewish tradition. It used to be that the husband and wife would be betrothed and say their vows but they would not live together yet. They would have a betrothal period that would last about a year. During this time the man would build their house etc. and get ready to have her move in with him. Then after about a year without warning he would come to the bride late at night and they would have the wedding ceremony and all the feasting etc. that was to follow. So Jesus is said to come for us "like a thief in the night" or "like a bridegroom coming for his bride" both are metaphors for 'without warning'. Hope this helps... and you probably just got a lesson in Jewish traditions and history you were expecting but hey cant blame me for liking to be thorough!

-Molly

Dear Silmarwen
Is it true that God can forgive anyone of anything and everything? What if someone did something really, really bad, can they still be forgiven?

-Jamie

Dear Jamie,
It's very true that God can forgive anything. He loves you and he doesn't want your sin to stand between the two of you! If you ask Him to forgive you, He will!

Dear Silmarwen,
I have a very serious eating problem. Usually I  am fine, I just eat normally, but sometimes I go for was much as two days without eating anything. And sometimes I just stuff my face! Please help!

-Kayla

Dear Kayla,
I myself go through phases of not being hungry, and being very hungry! Here's what I suggest:
1) Make yourself eat at least two meals even if you aren't hungry.
2) Try to control your eating habits when you are very hungry!
3) Talk to Gad about it!
4) Talk to your doctor about it.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
I am so competitive, it's really bad! When I lose a game in basketball or something, I scream or cry or blame my other teammates! I really don't want to be so competitive. Please Help!

-Competitive to the Core

Dear CTTC,
Well, you could look at it this way: 1) In the long run, this game of basketball/soccer/volleyball/softball doesn't matter...at all! 2) If you keep this up, no one will want to play with you!
Now, I'm not saying that it's not okay to be upset when you lose, that's fine, but only to a certain extent. Try focusing on the good things your teammates did. Congratulate them for trying so hard to win. And remember: You are as much to blame for your team losing as your teammates!

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
I'm 13 and I have recently been having strange feelings toward females. I know that being gay is wrong and I don't want to be gay, but why am I having these feelings and how do I stop them?

-Confused

Dear Confused,
I can't tell you why it is that your having these thoughts, but I do know you don't want to entertain them! What I mean is, whenever you have these thoughts and feelings, don't allow them to continue! Don't allow yourself to think about it. Read your Bible more, take up a new hobby, study harder. I would even suggest spending more time with guys! Anything to get these thought out of your head. Pray about it, too. You Father in heaven wants you to tell Him all about it! (Even though He already knows!)

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
This is pretty dumb, but I have major anxiety around doctors. What should I do to get over it?

-Ashley

Dear Ashley,
No, it's not dumb. :-)
Ask yourself, "why am I nervous around doctors?" They only want to help you, and are very necessary! Pray that God will help you get over this! You could also try talking to you parents about this, too.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
I seem to be having a problem. I keep committing the same sin! I just don't know what the deal is. It just seems like i can't get away from it. Every night I pray that God will forgive me but I just don't know if he does. Will God keep forgiving me if I keep committing the same sin?

-Confused

Dear Confused,
Yes he will forgive you, but that doesn't give you a free ticket to sin! I don't know what this sin is, and I don't want to know, but I DO know you need to stop it! Pray and ask God not only to forgive you, but to help you stop it! Don't just let this go. You can't have a "I don't know what the problem is...oh well!" type attitude toward this. You need to fight against this sin. Please work against it, for your sake!

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
umm.. ok, first of all i have to ask you about make up should i wear it? some people say i should and others say I should not. i only wear it b/c i feel ugly without it.

-Camille

Dear Camille,
Wearing or not wearing make-up is your choice. Some people think that girls and women shouldn't hide their faces behind a mask of make-up, and other's can't live without make-up! This is your decision. If you want to wear make-up, then go ahead and do it!

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen
How did you guys get so many visits to your website? I also have a christian website for teens - www.missionaryK.com - and I don't even get 1 visitor everyday. I really want to help people to come to Christ. My website also has a fun club that teens can join called the True Friends of Christ Club (why not join, learn more about it at the website)I really hope that you can help me some how.Oh, and this is a really nice site.

                            Thanks a million,
                              MissionaryK

Dear MK,
If people don't know about your site they won't visit it! Here's a few ideas:
1) Submit your website's URL to internet directories
2) Spread the word! Tell your friends and family about your site and ask them to tell their friends!
3) Ask other websites to do a "link swap" with you. You'll put they're link on you site, and they'll put your link on theirs!
I hope this helps you out!

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
I am afraid that I cannot be forgiven for certain sins that I have committed because I have worldly sorrow towards them. I have read that a person must have godly sorrow to be truly forgiven, but I have been holding on to certain sins I have committed for quite some time. Does this mean that I am not forgiven? How can I gain godly sorrow and truly repent?

-Forgiven?

Dear Forgiven?,
Have you asked God to forgive you, and meant it? Good, then your perfectly, completely, totally, and absolutely forgiven! God forgives everything, there aren't sins that he will or won't forgive, He'll forgive them all!!! So, dear sister, your forgiven, no matter what it is you did!! You need to accept this, and then you'll lose your left over guilt.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen
My little sister is so annoying and mean to me. Then when I tell my Mom she says 'I wasn't doing anything... it was her!'.  When I try to ignore her she keeps at it, one time I even put my CD player on and she yelled over it and called me a baby and I was going to go cry about it.  She is 8, I'm 12.  I know she is just being a junk just for the attention.  But she finds ways to get under my skin.  Then when my friends come over she doesn't leave us alone.  She puts in her comment when it is unwanted, tells my friends embarrassing stories about me.  Then when I tell her to leave and that I don't was her their(because she ignores me half the time) She cries to my Mom then I get yelled at!  I need your help and advice so bad... and on top of it all I share a room with her and get no privacy!  So please give me the best advice you can on how to deal with her and ignore her the best that I can. Thanks!

-Kid Sister Problems

Dear KSP,
Have you tried talking to her? Asking her why she's bugging you? Do you spend time with her? You know, play games with her? Maybe if you spent more time doing things with her she'd leave you alone. Play a board game with her, watch a movie, brush her hair, go on a walk with her. Read her a book, play tag or hid-and-seek. There's a lot of things you can do together that both of you will enjoy.
You could meet your friends places, or go to there homes. But if they do need to come over to your house, you could try doing something that you, your friends, and your sister would enjoy doing. If you want a little alone time with you friends you could try pulling you sister aside and politely ask her to give you some time alone. Did I stress politely? Don't snap at her, that will only make her snap back.
Another thing you can do is to try talking to your parents about it, too. Explain to them that she bothers you, and that you'd like some time alone with your friends. I'm sure they'll understand!

-Silmarwen

P.S. Sorry it took so long to respond to this, we've been swamped with letters! And with school starting up again, we've been really busy. :-)

Dear Silmarwen,
I have been struggling with this for quite a while and was hoping you could help me out. To start off, I am a firm believer that sex should be saved for marriage and I do not intend to have a sexual relationship with anyone until I'm married. Well my problems is there is this guy I really really like and I can't get him off my mind. I met him at church camp and he is a very sweet nice christian guy but the problem is right when I suspected he liked me, he stopped calling me, he lives an hour away so I can never see him plus I'm too afraid to call him...but whenever I talk to him I feel like everything is good and I am so happy but since I haven't talked to him for quite a while I wonder what is wrong and it kind of broke my heart to know he won't call me...what should I do because I am having the most awful time getting him out of my head and I know its not good to think about guys 24/7 but I've never had an actual crush like this and its tearing me apart. Please pray for me too. Thanks.

-Jaime

Dear Jaime,
I know the feeling. I think a lot of girls do. It is hard to get them out of your head, but you need to try. If he won't call you he probably doesn't like you as anything more than a friend. You could try calling him and asking why he never calls you, but I would not suggest it. What I would suggest is trying to spend more time reading the Bible, listening to good music, reading books, and hanging out with friends. Get a new hobby, keep your mind busy. Don't give yourself down time to think about him. Now, I'm not saying you should make yourself be so busy you don't have time to think. That would only make things worse. But do try to find other things that you can focus on besides this guy. I'm sorry this happened to you, I know it hurts!!

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
Hi. My friend blew it big time! I mean... she had sex! She feels really depressed because she says no matter what... she won't ever make it to heaven! I told her to pray for forgiveness, which we did and I pray for her. But she still seems sad. What should I do for her or say to her at this time?

-Missy

Dear Missy,
Tell her that if she's asked God to forgive her, he has!! She can get to heaven, this sin isn't stopping her! Something my mom used to tell me is "When we ask God to forgive us, he takes out sin, throws it into a deep lake, and puts up a no fishing sign." I know that's cheesy, but it's true! When God forgives, he forgives and forgets. Also, there are a LOT of really amazing Christian women who had awful pasts! Just look at Rahab who helped Joshua. She was a prostitute, but God used her to help His people. She was an amazing help, and ended up marrying one of the two Israelite spies that she hid.
God still loves your friend, and he always will, no matter what! Give your friend a big hug for me, and tell her I'm praying.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
I have been having problems in my relationship with God. I always kinda have had a problem connecting with Him until about 2 months ago, but now I just feel distant again. I feel like I'm drifting away from Him. I really don't want to go back to the way things were. I try to read my Bible everyday in hope that it will somehow help, but it hasn’t helped too much yet. Do you have any suggestions?

-Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,
Don't give up! Everyone goes through dry spells with their walk. I'm so glad you continue to read your Bible, it will help, so keep reading! I'd suggest getting more involved in your youth group and taking notes in church. Talk to your parents about it, I'm sure they've had the same problem, and they can help you through it. Pray to God about it, even if it feels like you talking to nothing, He will hear you!

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
Is it bad to listen to music with occasional cursing?

-Puzzled

Dear Puzzled,
Yes, and I'll tell you why: We can claim that all we listen to is the music, but if someone asked you what the lyrics were to one of those songs, you could tell them. Even when we aren't paying attention to the words in a song, we still hear them, and our memory retains them.
1 Thessalonians 5:22 says "Avoid every kind of evil." Now, you can say "it's not evil, it's just a couple of bad words". Bad words, exactly my point. They're not good!
I'd suggest going to your local Christian book store. I'm sure you can find a Christian band that sounds just like the bands that use "bad words". :-)

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
I go to a school that is very liberal and the majority of them are against God or atheist. All my friends go to this school so most of them feel this way too. I feel awkward around them because they make fun of Christians sometimes and say and do “bad” things. I don’t let them influence me in a negative way but sometimes it is awkward for me and really irritating. I mean I love them SO much; my best friend is one of them. People have told me not to hang out with her anymore if she acts that way but it isn’t that simple. She has been my best friend for 6 years, since I was in 5th grade. She is one of the few people I trust and we are so incredibly close….I don’t know what to do!

-Unsure

Dear Unsure,
It sounds like your doing a pretty good job so far. Your right, it's not that simple. I know how hard it is to end a friendship with someone you've know for a LONG time, and that you go to school with. My advice, remain friends with her. Try to be an example of what a christian should be. Not picture perfect, certainly not, but close to God, trying not to mess up, even though you still do. Acknowledging mistakes, saying your sorry. But most important of all: NEVER BACK DOWN. If your faith comes under fire, use it as a chance to strengthen it. Never give in to peer pressure, don't compromise your faith. Be a light in your school. I'm praying for you, I'm sure you'll do good! :-)

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
I don't think I pray right. I know about the Lord's prayer to pray that way. But how do youu pray for personal stuff and how do youu know if your talking to God, or just the ceiling???

-Missy

Dear Missy,
There isn't really a right or wrong way to pray. As for personal prayers, read this: "Trust in Him at all times, of people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge." Psalm 62:8
God wants you to pour your heart out to him, so do it. Unload your worries on Him the way you would if you were talking to your best friend. He wants to hear every detail, He cares about you.
Something else that may help you is to start a prayer journal. Get a notebook, and write you prayers out in it.
As for the question of how you know if you talking to Him, I only have this to say: God always hears you, and is always holding your hand...even when you feel like your just talking to the ceiling. :-)

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
 Are all Christian women suppose to have children? I've always heard that its God's will for women to have children.

-Katie

Dear Katie,
No, not at all. It is not a requirement. Almost all Christian and non-Christian women would like to have children, but not all can. Some Christian women remain single their whole lives. For example: Gladys Alward, Corrie Ten Boom, and Amy Carmichael. If these women had had children that they had given birth to, it wouldn't be a good thing! However, Gladys Alward and Amy Carmichael did have full houses of children. Gladys took care of orphans in China, and Amy took care of orphaned and abused girls in India. God doesn't want us to be lonely, but he doesn't require us to have children of our own, either.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
Does someone have to be baptized in order to go to heaven? I've been saved but I haven't yet been baptized. I want to, I just haven't gotten to yet.

-Sara

Dear Sara,
No, you do not need to be baptized in order to go to heaven. Being baptized is a good idea, though. It helps keep you on the right track, and helps you remember you belong to God.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
what to do when all your friends have noticed that you are different and have different views to them and they single you out because of it?

-Madeupname

Dear MUN,
Hold your head high. You shouldn't allow your friends to make you feel ashamed of your beliefs. Don't act proud, or better than them, but don't stand down. Don't drop your standards in order to fit in. Hold to you veiws, maybe even share them with your friends. But if they refuse to accept you because your standards and veiws are different than theirs, it may be time to find some new friends.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
This guy who likes me asked me out but I can't date so I said no, but he still wants us to be more than friends! he gets that i can't but he won't give up......... i like him alot and i've turned him down several times but he won't take no for an answer!!!!!!!!!!!
Help me!!
What do i do??????????????

-Larissa

Dear Larissa,
Put you foot down! Tell him that this is getting old, you told him no, and that's the end of it! You can't date him, you won't date him, so he needs to stop asking you. I've been in a situation something like this before, and that's the only thing to do. I hope it works out!

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
Is it true that only catholics go to heaven because it is God's one and only church?

-May

Dear May,
In a word: No. That is not true at all. The Catholic church is most deffinately not God's only church. To go to heaven, you have to have done this at somepoint in your life: "If you confess with your mouth 'Jesus is Lord', and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." Romans 10:9
That's what you have to do to go to heaven, it doesn't matter who you are, if you've done what that verse says, you are saved!

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
I'm falling in love with my best friends ex. He was bad news for her, what makes me different? Just recently he stopped talking to me and I can't stop thinking about him.

-Scared

Dear Scared,
Ignore him. If he wasn't good to your friend, I highly doubt you will be any different! And if he's stopped talking to you, I doubt he's interested. Don't get yourself hurt, and forget about it. I know it's hard to get a guy out of your head, but you need to try very hard. Pray that God will help you move on, so you don't get hurt like your friend was.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen.
I was best friends with this girl...  We stopped talking then we started talking just recently.  Then she asked me if my brother liked her and to ask him.  What do I do?

-Confused Friend

Dear Confused,
Well, personally, I find the whole "will you ask him for me?" thing to be more than a little immature.
But, seeing as she's asked you, you can do a several things: 1.) Politely ask her to do it herself, because you don't feel comfortable asking your brother this; 2.) Ask him for her; 3.) Turn her down. This choice is yours, though. I'm sorry I can't offer any more help than this to you, I hope everything turns out ok!

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
Ok.  So I"m 16 years old and the last few years in my family have been rough.  My dad wasnt there very much for a while and now that things are starting to get back on track I feel like I'm still holding a lot against him.  Sometimes it seems like he treats me like I'm still a child and without having him there for a while I'm not used to it.  I've been really short tempered with him so much of the time and I feel bad because I'm not used to being so angry with anyone.  I want to let my anger and frustration go but every time that I try he just seems to infuriate me further.  I know this anger isn't
healthy and I really want to get rid of it. Please help.

-Christina

Dear Christina,
Have you tried talking to your dad about how you feel? It could be that he's treating you like a child, because it's hard for him to except that you grew up while he was gone. I STRONGLY urge you to talk to him, he probably has no idea that he's annoying you by how he's treating you.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
I have a few questions.
1) I am a pastors daughter and a teenager which means I have to attend all the youth events and go to youth group and I can't really refuse to do something in the church and people expect me to act perfect (which really gets on my nerves cuz they tease me about it a lot!). What should I do? I try to be the good Christian girl but I don't fit in with the youth, I dislike going to youth group things and people don't understand that just because I am the pastors daughter doesn't mean I am perfect! Help!
2) A guy at my school that I know is a really big flirt. He flirts with all the girls and with me too. I know it isn't right to flirt back and I also know that he has a very broken family life and is an atheist. How do I avoid the temptation of flirting and communicate with him that he needs God and show him I want to be friends?
3) I used to be really quiet and not fit in at all and then I change a lot and I am pretty bubbly and very talkative but I feel like people don't like me because of that and I talk way too much? Should I just not talk anymore? Help!
Thank you SO much!

-Jocelyn

Dear Jocelyn,
1)Just because your a pastor's daughter doesn't give people the right to demand total perfection. I'm not saying you should be rude to them, but I have known a lot of VERY un-perfect pastor's kids! Please try to continue to go to your youth group, and to enjoy yourself. If you absolutely cannot enjoy your youth group, try talking to your dad about it, maybe he can change things. If that doesn't help, you might want to consider going to a different churches youth group every-other-week.
2)As for this boy, you don't really need to communicate anything to him, except that you're not a flirt, and refuse to be treated as anything put a respectable young woman. I know (from personal experience) that not flirting back is very hard, but you must not flirt with him! At all.
3)You could try cutting back on the chatter a bit, but don't shut up! If you suddenly become very quiet again, people will feel even more akward. Give people time to get used to the new you. I know that if you a talker, people do tend to look at you funny. I myself am a big talker, and VERY bubbly! I get some very odd looks at times.
Well, my fellow talker, I hope this helps you!

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
How does a person know if they really are a Christian? I think I'm a Christian, but sometimes I doubt it. I feel sad a lot because I don't know if I actually am. Can you help me understand this better?

-Elizabeth

Dear Elizabeth,
Romans 10:9 - "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe with your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." To become a Christian you have to tell God that you believe Jesus came and died for your sins, that you believe He loves you, and you know he is Lord over all. If you've told Him this, and asked Him to be your Lord, then you are a Christian. I hope this helps you inderstand it better, Elizabeth!

-Silmarwen

P.S. You have a beautiful name. 

Dear Silmarwen
I'm new to your site and think that its really cool. I have a question:
I watched the news a few weeks a go and it said that the episcopal church has allowed gay bishops.
1.First of all what does episcopal mean and what are their beliefs?
2.Isnt it wrong to be a homosexual or does God think otherwise?
3.Will they go to hell because their homosexual or will they go to heaven because they practice and teach God's word?
I would be really grateful if you could answer my questions. Thanks x x x

-Love Always Overcomes

Dear LAO,
Well, I'm not really sure about what the episcopalian church believes, but I do know that homosexuality is definately against the Bible. It's addressed in several places throughout the Bible: Sodom was destroyed because of the sin of it's people, one of the outstanding sins was their homosexuality. Leviticus 18:22 "You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination" This goes for women, too. Women shouldn't sleep with other women like how they would sleep with their husband. Romans 1:27 "and in the same way also men abandoned the natural funtion of the woman on burned in their desire toward one another, men with men commiting indecent acts and recieving in their own persons the due punishment for their errors." See, not only is a man sleeping with a man, or a woman sleeping with a woman immoral, it also leads to diseases, like AIDS, or other STDS. And these bishiops who are gay are not practicing God's word, they are breaking it because they have "abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another."
I hope this helps you!

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
I have a problem....I go to 2 churches on Sunday because my mom plays the organ for both of them.....I love going to church...I love singing praises to God and I love the people in my churches....but the sunday school for one of them is geared for little kids...and the other one doesn't have a sunday school.....I am eager to learn about god's word and the bible but I dont know where to go...I'm confirmed as a methodist but the other churches are catholic...episcapal....nazarene....baptist or lutherin....and I want to go somewhere that I can learn more......can I go to a different church and participate in the youth programs and worship while confirmed as a methodist? I want to....but I dont know how different these religions are to mine.....and I want to worship god......I've prayed for this problem but nothing has been answered....please help if you can......thank you so much!

-Ready to Learn

Dear RTL,
I would highly suggest that you get involved with other churches. You will have to expect the things they teach to be a little different from what you've heard at your church, but that doesn't nessasarily make it wrong. I myself am non-denominational, and I would suggest you try a non-denominational church. They don't teach to a specific doctrine, but they teach directly from the Bible. Please don't let your denomination keep you from trying other churches, you never know, you may find one you like better!

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
I'm having a problem with my brother. My mom is not at home a lot because she is going back to college. She isn't here to cook meals or to keep up with the house work. I try to help out as much as I can but when I ask my older brother to help out too he says that housework is for women and not men (this is the kind of thing that they teach at the church he goes to.) For me it's not a matter of men doing housework. I just think both of us should help my mom BECAUSE SHE NEEDS THE HELP! It hurts my feelings when he says things like this. It makes me feel like I'll always be below men in everything, like I'm not worth anything. I don't know what to do. Is this biblical?

-Sarah M.

Dear Sarah,
You are worth a lot, my dear, don't worry about that. As far as housework being "women's work", it is true that women are supposed to be the home makers. However, that is when you're married, and it's your household your taking care of. Right now, you're just giving your family's home maker some help, and that means everyone should pitch in.
Biblically, women are below men, but not in the way that we are worth less than them. You see, when Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden, part of women's punishmet for that sin was that God placed men over us. They're supposed to guide and protect us. They're supposed to rule, while we "keep house". But that doesn't mean we're less than men, we're just as important as they are, we just have a different role. There have been women that have ruled in the past, for example, Deborah was the judge over all of Israel, and God used Jael to defeat Sisera, the general of the Canaanites. So keep cleaning for your mom, Sarah, I hope everything works out with you brother!

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
Well, I am 13. and I live in a small town. I go to a public school and a community Church. I love it there and have been going since I was 2!.
Well I have a fear of my loved ones like my family and friends Dying. I know you shouldn't be scared of dying but, it's just stuck in my head.
I always wonder what it's going to be like and if I'm good enough for God. I sin and I know better, but sometimes its hard. How can I try to
live a normal teenage life with God? Please Help!!
    Sincerely,
                 Janelle

Dear Janelle,
Oh, Janelle! There's not such thing as not good enough for God! He meets you where you are, he loves you!!! Everyone sins, even though they know better. We're human, it happens. But, as a Christian, you cannot let sins slide. You have to try to catch yourself, and when you sin, as God to forgive you, and he will! When you ask God to forgive a sin, he take the sin, throws it in a deep lake, and put up a "No Fishing" sign. Yes, I know that's cheesy, but it's true! Once a sin is forgiven, it's just that: Forgiven! And you can't live a normal teenage life with God, but you can live a christian teenage life with God. Pray and ask for guidance, it will come.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
Well, I'll get right down to the point: I'm quite young and I have fallen in love with a guy that is a lot older than me. He loves me too. I love him a lot and I think we love each other in a Godly way. What do you think?

-Mell

Dear Mell,
I'll get right to the point also: Do you really know what being in love with someone is? I mean, not just thinking they're nice looking, or have a good personality. That's a crush. But, if you had to, would you die to save this man? Would you go blind if it meant he would be able to see? You you go deaf so that he would be able to hear? I don't mean to sound harsh, but it's true, love is a very serious thing.
Next point: This man is a lot older than you you said. How much older? How old are you? Would your parents approve? Would it be a healthy relationship?
What I suggest in this situation is a healthy dose of prayer, and maybe a trip or two to talk to your youth or senior pastor. I'm praying for you, Mell, I hope you do the right thing.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen
Alright... here's my problem: I can't get closer to God. I feel like no matter how hard I try, how much I read
the Bible, how much I pray and fast and spend hours just listening and praying, I can't get a connection with Him. I feel like He's talking to
me clearly, giving me clear guidance and being there for me all the time, but He's on a different channel of communication, and I can't hear
Him. I can tell He's talking to me, but I don't hear what He's saying and I don't know how to change that. I spent three hours one night
reading the Bible in a secluded space and praying. I prayed and prayed and prayed, worshipping, repenting, asking for advice, and I felt no
differently afterward. I don't know what to do. People keep telling me to 'listen for His guidance', but if I can't hear Him, how am I supposed to listen?

-needs/less/space

Dear N/L/S,
Many people go through dry spells in communication with God. It's frustrating, I know, I've been there myself many times! It seems that no matter how hard you try, no matter how hard you try to grab hold of what God wants you to do, you end up grabbing nothing but air, and falling again. It's a painful thing, I know.
I would suggest a new approach: Instead of spending so much time alone with God, try spending time in His Word with you parents, or siblings, or your friends. Don't get me wrong, time alone with God is a good thing, but it might help to worship with other people.
I hope this help you!!

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
What is puberty?

-Mary

Dear Mary,
Puberty is the year in which you change from being a girl, to being a woman. There are many physical changes that take place, for example, your period starts, and you'll develop breasts.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen or Molly,
I have just spend the last few hours reading all you answers, and you are very helpful, thank you for all you time!
Now I have some questions to ask...
Should I be reading fantasy books, writing about fantasy, going on about it? I really love it but I don't want to be doing something that
would not be right for a christian person to do. C. S. Lewis wrote fantasy and he was christian, as JRR Tolkein.
This is a hard thing for me to ask. I really do not think this is any of my business, and I'm a bit (a real bit) confused about the hole thing. My cousin has a catholic boyfriend. She is baptist (as am I). I hear how not to date non-christian boys and well, what about catholic boys?  I think you would say if he's saved or not, but I don't think my cousin knows or would ask him. I do not think I have the right to say anything... I really want to know what you have to say about it.
Thank you so much. - gives hugs-

-Rukzeu

Dear Rukzeu,
It is not wrong to read fantasy, I enjoy reading it myself!
As far as your cousin's boyfriend goes, there have been catholic christians, but it is rare. Catholics do not believe the same things that Christians do. I would encourage your cousin to try and find out if her boyfriend is a Christian. If he is not, I would suggest that she witness to him, as a friend. It is true we are not to date non christians. Hope this helps!

-Silmarwen

Lately me and my dad really don't seem to get along. It's like he doesn't even know who I am anymore. And every time I try to talk to him about something that is important to me, he doesn't really take it seriously. I really don't know what to do. I really want a good relationship with my dad, but it seems like it's impossible. Do you have any advice?
-Deanna

Dear Deanna,

This can be rough because so many studies show that a relationship between a father and daughter is crucial to your growth as a young woman. My sister and my dad often have struggles with each other. The best thing to do to strengthen a relationship between you guys is to be submissive and let him know that you think his opinions in your life are important. Also talking to your mom could help too. If there is a certain characteristic in your dad that clashes with one of yours maybe she can help you see it and work it out. In my sisters situation she talks to me and my mom who are looking in not out and we can help her see what to do. Maybe you could have some thing that is your thing to do together. Like if you both like horses maybe you could take lessons together, or if you both like a certain sports game you could have a 'date' and watch the game together cheering and discussing the game, maybe you could just go out to dinner and talk about school and your friends try and talk to him like a friend and it will help you open up and if you speak from your heart he will take you seriously. Also pray! Draw close to your heavenly father and he will show you how to get along with your earthly one.

I have a friend that is really mean to me. Since I am small for my age, she makes fun of me. My mom does not like this one bit. I am not even allowed to E-mail her anymore.  What should I do!                                                           Love,
A Girl who needs advice

Well if she is really mean to you then you probably shouldn't be friends. If your mom doesn't let you talk to her then don't. I am not quite sure what your asking about. Do you still want to be her friend? If not then just pulling away like you are is really all you can do. Sorry this wasn't more clear,                                                              -molly

Dear Silmarwen,
I like this one guy and he's been really nice to me lately we even drive with each other to swim club practice.
He has a girlfriend but they're kind of dating one day then not the next then dating again the day after that. He never talks about her when
he's around me though. I don't know whether to keep pretending to just like him as a friend or tell him that i like him because we're friends and
i don't want to ruin it. what should i do?

-Gillz

Dear Gillz,
I would suggest that you don't do anything. Just be friends with him, nothing else. Especially because he has a girlfriend.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
Is it ok to have crushes?  Is God mad when we have crushes?

-Ashely

Dear Ashely,
It is perfectly normal to have crushes. It's what we do with the crushes that is important. 
Allow me to explain, it's fine to think a guy is handsome, and get a crush on him, but spending a lot of time thinking about him isn't. We can't help "falling for" guys, but we can help what we do about it. Philippians 4:8 says to only think about things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy. Never in this list of things does the Bible mention thinking about guys.  I know from my own experience that it's hard not to think about guys, but you have to try. Ask God to help you, you'll be glad you did!
"Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord with a pure heart."
2 Timothy 2:22. 

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
I am 13, am I old enough for make up?

-Lisa

Dear Lisa,
A decision like that is up to your parents. If they think you are old enough, then you are. You should talk to you mom about it.
 However, make up isn't all it's cracked up to be. A lot of times it clogs pores and causes your face to break out more than it would have without make up.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
Well this is kinda funny and not!
I went to Church and we have dark hall ways, well  my guy friend (not boyfriend!) was there and I didn't see him, he grabed my arm and he
tried to kiss me! Well not knowing what to do I..... ummmm SLAPED him! I'm not sure if this was right I still feel bad kinda happy I saved myself!
I told my parents what happend and they laughed and said it was right, but I still feel so bad! Did I need to slap him or scream ?  Now he
won't talk to me and one person said it was my fault! Help!

-Ashley

Dear Ashley,
Actually, I don't find this situation funny at all, actually, I find it sad. Sad that a young man would behave that way in a church! (or anywhere else, for that matter!)
I aplaud you, Ashley, you did indeed do the right thing! And as far as the guy not talking to you anymore, if he would try to kiss you when you two aren't even together, he's not the kind of guy you want to be friends with anyway! Please don't feel bad, you did the right thing!!!!

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
I have always had problems in forming a relationship with God. I don’t know why but I just don’t feel a
connection with Him. I have always felt like no matter how many times I asked Him to help me I have still remained distant from Him. I also feel like I am not a very good Christian because I sin a lot, nothing major, but I just feel like I shouldn’t sin so much. I have been trying to
establish a better relationship with Him for as long as I can remember. I don’t know what to do anymore because I’m afraid that since I don’t have a connection with him I am not really a Christian. I have been saved but I still don’t feel like a Christian.

-Marie

Dear Marie,
I know exactly how you feel, Marie!! I've felt this way for the last.....well, forever, really. But I also know a way it can be remedied. You said that you tend to sin a lot, that a MAJOR factor when it comes to closeness with God. It's because of sin that we can't have the same relationship with Him that Adam and Eve had. You need to work on this! (Please note: You can't do this on your own strength, you NEED God's help! Pray to him daily about this problem.)
How often do you spend time just talking to God? Or just reading his word? Or just doing a devotional? How often does God have your undivided attention? You MUST take time out of your day (Even just 15 minutes) that you will dedicate soley to God. That you'll spend that time doing nothing but reading His ward and talking to Him. I hope this helps you, Marie!

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
I just found this site and I wanted to know what do you guys talk about, and what can we talk about?

-Rachel

-Dear Rachel
You can ask me (and Molly) any question you want, although we will use descrimination on some topics (i.e. things concerning sex) If you want to ask a question that you think we may not answer on the website, please include you email address in your question.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
There's a boy at school who is notorious for liking a lot of girls at once, dating around, and flirting with a
lot of different girls all at once. I know he likes me, and he hangs around me a lot, and I, in other circumstances, would like him back. The
situation is really complicated because I know him really well, or at least I thought I did... It's weird: I know him to be someone who he
seldom acts like. I know that he is struggling to be closer to God, and that he's dealt with some *really* hard stuff in the past few months,
stuff he shared with me and I tried to help him by being there for him. I saw him at his, literally, lowest times (I accidentally saw him
actually crying out to God in a dark gymnasium when he didn't know I was there and I can't just tell him I was there that night...) So now, I feel
like I know the real him and I really like that real him, but he's so seldom the real him and so often the flirt with low standards, I just don't
know how to deal with the situation. It feels like I have a million reasons to be mad at him, but even when I feel like that, I still see him
in the hallways and can't remember why I was ever mad. How in the world am I supposed to sort this mess out? Thank you for your help in
advance!

-Still Confused

Dear Still Confused,
I understand how you feel, I went through a similar situation. (Although, in my situation, the guy acted like a good christian, but turned out to be a notorious flirt!) Anyways, I know this situation is hard, but just remember, if you were to date this guy, people who saw you guys together as a couple would think of you as his next victim. They wouldn't know that he's really a great guy, they only know him as a flirt who likes to have a good time. If they see you with him, your shining light for Jesus will dim in their eyes. They'll hear you saying that you love Jesus, but they'll see you dating a guy that they think has no morals. Actions tend to speak louder than words, and the action of you dating this guy who everyone thinks just wants to have a good time will scream, and anything you may say as a witness about God will only whisper. I know I'm sort of repeating myself here, but I just want to make this really clear: You know he's a good guy, other people don't. If they see you dating a flirt, they'll think you don't have morals either, and, therefore, your ability to witness will disappear!

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
I have a crush on one of my best friends think he likes me back, but I'm not sure. I asked one of my other friends to find out,but I'm afraid that he won't tell her. He's really nice and sweet and we share a lot of interests. I'm afraid to ask him to be my boy friend. What should I do?

Racheal

Dear Racheal,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

Well if you want my honest opinion, I dont think you should ask him to be your boyfriend. First of all you are too young to be dating even if I did approve of dating. I know its rough being friends with sweet, nice guys that share our interests. But that is probably why you chose him as a friend. Because he is so nice and sweet it is easy for you to find yourself liking him. My suggestion is to instead of looking at how great you go together and dwelling on all the times he acts like he likes you try and look at how great of FRIENDS you are and how all the times he is extra nice to you is probably just him being your FRIEND. Sorry if this was a bit harsh but I would hate for this friendship to get screwed up and you to get hurt. I have a good friend who I used to get along really well with. You could say he was my best friend. Well he decided he liked me and told me, I unfortunately don't see him as more then a friend and all the times he thought I liked him it was just me trying to be a good friend and now it is really awkward between us. We are just now starting to be normal around each other but I am afraid to act too nice or do anything that might suggest I like him. So I am not saying if you tell this guy you like him it will ruin your relationship but it could cause him to treat you differently.

-Molly

Before I became a Christian I masturbated for about 3-4 years almost everyday. When I got saved I decided to give it up. I have been very successful except that I have just recently realized that I masturbate in my sleep. I don’t know what to do because I feel that it is wrong and I don’t want God to be mad at me, I just can’t help it. What should I do?
-Miss X

Dear Miss X,

I am glad that through Christ you have been able to overcome this so far. As far as dealing with it in your sleep I dont know what exactly to tell you. I dont think God is mad at you for something you cant control. But if it really bothers you that much just pray that God would help you to stop that which is beyond your control.

-Molly

Dear Silmarwen,
I am a christan but I never take time to read the Bible. Help.
-Brea

Dear Brea,
Then take time to do it! You're not going to magically understand the Bible and become a better Christian if you leave your Bible sitting on the shelf.  I know it's hard to be regular with reading the Bible, I struggle witht hat myself, but the only way to have to time to read it is to take the time, so do it! 
-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
I am so confused... I just got out of a non-serious relationship. There's another guy I've known for a while who, I recently found out, likes me. I like him, too. A lot. But, my grades are slipping, my relationship with God is slipping, and I feel like I can't concentrate. A part of me really wants to date him. It would be so much fun, and I know that I'd love it. But if I did, my priorities would fall out of whack, and then the relationship would end, I'd be hurt and confused, and my entire rank of priorities would be totally off. What should I do? Should I ask
him if we could just be friends? How should I respond in this situation that wouldn't hurt? Thanks for your help, in advance.

Love always,
Confused about Love

Dear C.A.L,
Don't get into a relationship with him.  If your relationship with God is slipping already, then the last thing you need is the distraction of a relationship.  All it will do is keep you from what is truly important in life.  And a relationship can be a dangerous thing, too.  You may want to stay pure, and try hard at it, but all it takes is one small mistake and you've lost one of the most important things a godly young woman can have, her purity.  Try to focus on the love God has for you, not the love a guy has for you.

-Silmarwen

I really think I should get a job. One minute my parents are totally cool with it, and then they say I am too young and they don't want me working anywhere (well my dad says this) unless the next youngest person working there is like fifty.  I am the oldest of six (going on seven) children and I know my parents can't pay for my college.  I am going to be fourteen in August and think a job would be good for me. My parents think I should just stick with babysitting, but that is just not going to pay for college. What should I do?

-LJ

LJ,

As far as a job goes other then babysitting you cant really get a high paying job until 16 so maybe you should wait. As far as being able to pay for college you can start on scholarships now (look up what colleges are looking for in students and start working towards it) also being part of a big family I can understand your parents not being able to afford college. I come from a pretty big family too. There are lots of different money saving ways for college out there. For example CLEP testing allows you to get college credits by taking a test. There is also AP testing (advanced placement) and many other things available. I would suggest looking up CLEP testing it can help save a tremendous amount of money and is becoming more and more available. If you would like a suggestion of books to look up as far as explaning CLEP just write a note to the TGF editor and I can get some info to you. Also turn this whole thing over to God he feeds the birds and dresses the flowers and they are content how much more should we be with the many blessing we have?

-molly

My grandfather died last year and I have had a hard time getting over that.  I cry all the time.  I am hurting so bad, but I don't want anyone to Know. I don't have anyone to talk to except God. I try to keep it bottled in, but it is so hard. I don't get along with my dad, and I really long for a relationship with him. He is always mad at me and that just adds to it all. How can I get closer to him. Today he told me I hated and despised him but I don't. I love him and really need him. I am having to do a lot to help out around the house and with my younger siblings, because my mom is pregnant. I am glad she is pregnant and really excited for the baby, but I am so overwhelmed.  I need help sorting all this out.
-Secretly hurting

Secretly hurting,

Sound like you have 3 things that are bothering you right now...lets tackle em (sorry don't wanna sound like a sports move but....anyways)

1. Your grandfather passed away. I am sorry to hear about that and I am sure it is sad but rest in the assurance that if he was a christian he is in a better place and you will see him again. If not ask God to give you a peace, things like this are hard to deal with and as humans we naturally grieve with time this loss will be easier to handle.

2. You don't get along with your dad. Now this can be rough my sister is the oldest (I am guessing you are too) and her and my father often have struggles with each other. The best thing to do to strengthen a relationship between you guys is to be submissive and let him know that you think his opinions in your life are important. Also talking to your mom could help too. If there is a certain characteristic in your dad that clashes with one of yours maybe she can help you see it and work it out. In my sisters situation she talks to me and my mom who are looking in not out and we can help her see what to do. Also pray! Draw close to your heavenly father and he will show you how to get along with your earthly one.

3. Your burnt out at home. I come from a larger then average home and I often feel burnt out helping around the house especially since my older sister is gone the majority of the time and my younger sister is..how do I put this nicely...lazy? When my mom was pregnant with my brothers I was just getting old enough to do stuff so I suddenly went from care free kid to mother figure...not really but a lot of responsibility has fallen on my shoulders. I cant tell you how to make it go away but I can say that there are great blessing down the road if you just hold on. I never once look back and say "wow I wish I wouldn't have done as much work"

hope this helps,

molly

Dear Silmarwen,
I feel bitter toward my parents sometimes and I have a problem with obeying . What should I do ?

-Marita

Dear Marita,
Don't think you're alone when it comes to obeying your parents, almost every teen struggles with that. I would suggest family counseling for you and your parents. Talk to them about why you're bitter, is it something they did, or something you think they did? Try to solve this, because a home that's seperated can't bring glory to God. Psalm 133:1 says "How good and pleasant it is when brothers (or any other family members!) dwell together in unity!"

-Silmarwen

Hey! I love Elves and Lord of the Rings! This site is awesome and I will show my sister who is also crazy about elves...what motivated you to start the site? By the way, my real name is Danielle and my nickname is Keegan or Lessien the latter is mine in elvish........

-Lessien Calafalas

Dear Lessien,
Love the name! lol, this site actually had an odd beginning. It started because me and a couple of my homeschooled friends thought it'd be cool to have a prom-like gathering for homeschoolers. It turned into a club for Christian girls that would meet twice a year, it would be a lock in with dancing, food, and a speaker who would talk about things that teen girls struggle with. (i.e. Purity) Well, one thing led to another and it evolved into the Teen Girl Fellowship that we all know and love! (^_^)

¢¾Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
Hi my name is katie and I thought maybe you could help me out. I am all about God. Ok, well I use to go  to Third City for church. Well, I really didn't like it there. So one of my friends took me to her church that she was going to and I have been there about a year. It is great ... especially the people.. and worship. I go to youth group and there is this guy named Seth and I really like him. Now I am not asking for advise on how to get his attention . It just seems like the only reason I go to church now is because of him.... I don't know what to do.. i am stuck!?

-Katie

Dear Katie,
That's not a good reason to go to church! You need to pray that God will help your heart to change, so that you don't want to go to church just to see a guy! It's normal for hormones to tend to rule in a teen's life, but you need to get a handle on them so that they won't! You will get into a lot of trouble if you follow your hormones.

¢¾Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
I have been feeling very discouraged and insecure. I am homeschooled and a christian and through this time I believe God has comforted me but I struggle to go out and enjoy life because I have so many fears. I've had indigestion and have felt dizzy all the time and have had a terrible fear of getting sick, I pray for it to go away and then I feel good again but then sometimes I change emotions. Memories of the past also come into my mind and make me feel depressed and my parents even though they are christians don't understand me at times, sometimes they are sarcastic with me and then I get angry at them then I start yelling at times at them and then I cry but sometimes they try to help me and get worried when I don't feel
well. I am sorry if I am typing too much it's just that I have so much racing through my mind and I don't know what to do! I have also been very
worried about my identity...I don't know who I am and don't feel comfortable with the opposite sex and since in my childhood I've always had a
better relationship with my father (who is now learning about the word of God) and that has confused me. One time he asked me something about
guys and I got upset because it made me feel uncomfortable. My mom tries to give me advice but I don't think she tries to fully understand, she
is barely trying to learn about Christ and I feel that she doesn't want to because she doesn't read the bible or give me advice that supports
me correctly even though she does pray and all that. I've also had fights with her. And ALSO, my parents go to church on Sundays but I don't go
because I feel very insecure about myself which makes me feel guilty of not attending and of going with them...my life is so confusing...Please
help. thank you.

-Ann

Dear Ann,
It's normal to feel your parents don't understand, and to a certain extent they don't. It's true that parents do, to a certain extent, forget what it's like to be a teen. What I'd like to suggest to you is getting in touch with a christian counselor. You could try single counseling, or with counseling for you and your parents together. 
It's normal for girls to hae a better relationship with their fathers, I don't exactly understand why, but a lot of girls do! As for a lack of good advice from your mother, I know the feeling. It's hard when your mother doesn't seem to understand, or not seem to care if she does understand or not. And lots of teenagers lives are confusing, because now is the time where your body and emotions recieve and overhaul. Your brain is rewiring, and your hormones are firing off, making life a little hard to take! Prayer and daily time with God will be the best help in the situation. 
As for the indigestion, I'd suggest talking to your doctor and see if there's anything that can be done for it. I'm praying for you, Ann!

¢¾Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
I am having a really hard time as a Christian. I asked Jesus into my heart for the first time when I was 7 and since then I have done it several more times. Well, you know how you talk to some people and they say that when they asked Jesus into their hearts they immediatly felt completly different, like something amazing had just happened. Well, I have never felt that way at all. Nothing changed when Jesus came into my life and I don't know why. I love Jesus with all my heart and want to serve him to the best of my ability, but I don't feel that special thing that makes me different from everyone else. And I'm not even sure if I'm saved and going to heaven. I am very confused. If you can, could you please help me with this problem? Thank you very much.

-Sarah

Dear Sarah,
This is a very common feeling, I've felt this way many times myself! I've prayed many times, and never felt different. A lot of times, the people who feel different are the people who had a lot of problems in their life before, a lot of sin, and Jesus saved them from that. Don't feel bad for doubting, it's natural. And if your not sure if your saved, read Romans 10:9.  If you've done what that verse says to do, than you're saved, and your going to Heaven! Jesus loves you no matter what, and even though a lot of the times it feels like he's not there, he'll never leave you!!!!

¢¾Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen (or Molly),

The only problem with the last message is I sent him an email that said
" Hey its Julz. Thanks for the gift you gave me last year.  I told one
person… If you want it a secret, it is safe with me.  The person I told keeps
secrets.  Hasn’t told a soul.  Thanks anyway, don’t tell anyone I emailed
you!! Email me back if you do or don’t want ALL this a secret. Hope to
hear from you soon! Bye!! See you at school!!!"
VERY embarrassing.  I sorta wish, REALY wish, I hadn't sent
it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Help Me!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Julz The Wow
 

Dear Julz,

Well, you did send the email, so there's not really anything you can do.  Just don't make a big deal about it, this will save you and your friend anymore embarassment.  Leave this situation alone, and it will go away.

-Silmarwen

I know I’m only in ninth grade but I am having a problem with selecting a college to go to. Many of the colleges I’ve picked are secular and only one is a Christian one, and that's IWU. I know a Christian college is probably the best but, I want to do something big. All my cousins are engineers and doctors, so my parents say I have the potential to do something big. I want to do what is right, but I don’t know how. What should I do?

-trixipanther

Trixi Panther,

Colleges are a big decision. There are Christian colleges that offer large degrees. And I do agree that going to a Christian college is a good idea! My suggestion is give it some time and keep looking. Also there are things like distance learning where you can stay home and take your classes online!

-molly

p.s. keep up the searching and don’t give up!

Dear Silmarwen,

I need a little help. I am not sure that
I am a Christian. I am a person that believes in the truth. It is hard
for me to understand. I have been having doubts about my faith. What
should I do?

-Katie

Dear Katie,

Have you ever read the Roman road?  It's several verses in the book of Romans, I think it will help.  The best verse in the Roman Road is Romans10:9, it says what you have to do to be a Christian, if you've done what that verse says, than you have nothing to worry about.

-Silmarwen

I am having trouble getting good friends except for two. Those two are the only people who bother to be nice to me. Everyone else is mean to me and laugh at me behind my back. What should I do? Ignore it or do something about it.

-Friendless

Friendless,

Many “friends” is a gift. One friend is a treasure. Would you rather have a multitude of “friends” or one best friend? Ok feeling friendless is rough…like no one cares and everyone is mean. But sadly teenaged girls and boys find enjoyment in excluding and hurting people. I am sorry that you feel alone but if you ever need a friend the editors at T.G.F. don’t just answer questions and write newsletters, we are people too and would be more the glad to speak with you!

-molly

P.S. and the best friend you will ever have is ..dun dun dun duhn...JESUS!!!

Dear Silmarwen

You see, I didn't tell my friend that I emailed him, and she got this email from her sister (really scary!) and I was at her house.  She decided to email it to him cuz it’d be really funny!! It would be, but she is going to tell him to check his email!!!  I sent him an email!!!!!!  Now if he says anything about the scary one I will no he saw the other and it will be REALLY embarrassing!!!!!!!  What if he tells his friends?????  I’m RUUUUUIIIINED!!!! - I think? I don’t know; please tell me what to do!!!

-Julz the Wow

Dear Julz the Wow,

I think you might just be over reacting a wee bit. If all you said in the email was, "hey thanks for the gift." then there is nothing to be embarrassed about! You simply were being polite. I can’t find anything wrong with that. And maybe you should evaluate how much you stake you put into what this guy and his friends think of you; someday you will realize that it is just a crush and that it wouldn’t be the end of the world if he didn’t think you were perfect. In fact it is normally the imperfections in someone that draws us too him.

-molly

P.S. sorry if it seems like this should be ask molly...but silmarwen has been a bit busy but she does do a lot round here and we all appreciate her and look forward to when she can find the time to talk to you guys, she has great insight.

First of all, I just wanna thank y'all for having this help column thingy, cuz it really helps. Ok: a couple questions:

* is going to a dance with someone the start of a "real" relationship, or is it just a casual, school thing? cuz at my school we have this graduation dance thingy that's a huge deal (I’m in 8th grade) and I don't want to be like the only 1 there who doesn't go with someone, cuz a lot of people are. Would it be better just to go with a guy friend if you
both know it doesn't mean anything?

*my brother is having some problems with depression n stuff. He’s not that nice to me a lot. He’s getting better, but how do i deal with it when he's mean?

*I play basketball for a competitive high school feeder team. And have played on 3 other teams besides that. 2 times within the past couple weeks, 2 of my guy friends were like, "why are you wearing a Milton Basketball sweatshirt if you don't play basketball?" I told them I do play n they were totally surprised. I no I’m not in the greatest shape ever but I still look athletic. Did they mean something by it? It really made me feel awful.

***HaVe A gReAt DaY***

- Confused, Conflicted, and Hurt in Georgia

Dear CCH in Georgia,

Wow, thanks for organizing your thoughts so well! it saved me a lot of reading through and editing. Ok I am going to try and keep my answer organized (yea right haha!!)

1. Ok, going to a dance doesn’t really start a "real" relationship I think it is more what is behind the dance, I mean...it really all depends on what you consider a real relationship. Ok, so without going into some logically lacking debate about what I think about dances, (its not all negative just to let you know) I suggest that you just go to this dance and if people tease you for going alone then you can just tell them that you are saving yourself for your husband. And hey what guy doesn’t think it’s hot for a girl to be willing to save herself for someone she hasn’t even (that she knows of) met. My cousin who goes to a public school (I am lucky enough not to have to deal with this) just went with girl friends and danced a few fast songs with guys but avoided the slow dances and that’s how she dealt with it...which I give as a great idea to any one who is having issues with this. Plus you are only in 8th grade so you aren’t quite ready for a real relationship anyways.

2. I am sorry that your brother has to deal with this, not only him but you. When he is mean to you the best thing to do is just walk away from the room (not in a way that will make him mad like cutting him off...but if you see his temper is rising then excuse yourself) this is the best way to avoid it, if not just pray for strength to turn the other cheek.

3. I don’t think your guy friends meant anything mean by it... or maybe they are just insensitive to what may hurt your feelings, I have a lot of older VERY good soccer playing friends (don’t tell them that I said that they will get a big head ) and sometimes they don’t realize that they may have said something offensive, but most the time they are just teasing and don’t mean anything by it. Besides you don’t need to worry what these guys think the only opinion that counts (as far as "looks") is God's.

-molly

Dear Silmarwen, 
I am really confused as to what I want in life I have suicidal thoughts a lot and I am afraid that I might really hurt myself and I tell my parents or they will go all wako and never leave my side. The only person I trust is my boyfriend but his parents think that we shouldn’t be together and want to know everything we do and say. I make a promise to my boyfriend every day now about not hurting my self but through out the day I sit and stare at a knife and try to come up with a list of what I should do. What do I do about his parents and my problem of telling my parents and getting help?     

-tryin to live life

Dear trying to live life,

I have answered a similar question before so I am going to insert that about suicide then I will answer the rest.

"I have known many people who have suffered from depression and have attempted suicide. Fortunately for some of them it didn't work. Now they are living and have recovered from their depression with the help of friends and family. Now I don't know exactly why your depressed...maybe it is because a friend has moved on or maybe a family issue but whatever it is suicide is in NO WAY the answer. If it is because you don't feel loved DONT BELIEVE THAT LIE!!! Because that is all it is...a lie. You are loved by your creator and all those around you. The bible says you are fearfully and wonderfully made taking that wonderfully made life away is like destroying any project someone has put time and effort into times 1,000,000,000!!!

Think of all the hurt you would leave behind when you go. Consider taking some counseling either at your school, or if your home schooled talk to you medical doctor he would be more then happy to help you. Lots of pastors do counseling sessions as well. Please I would love to counsel you my self or even just take some time and talk to you. Go ahead and email the editor and put in the subject "tryin to life" and I will personally respond to all of your letters."

Ok as far as talking to your parents, I know you don’t want them to freak out but it is probably a good idea! Just explain to them that you are interested in getting help but you don’t want them to worry. And if you boyfriend’s parents don’t want you together then you shouldn’t be. I am sorry that is probably not what you want to hear but for a relationship to be successful you really need the approval of both parents! And I am praying for you!!

-molly

How do we know God is real?

-Racheal

Dear Racheal (I like your name  )

Well isn't this the question for the ages. Well look around you! I know that sounds simple but seriously anyone who takes even a first year biology course can see that life is simply (how ironic) too complex to have happened by mere chance! I mean the chances of something coming from nothing is about 1 in 10000000000000000000000000 ^{1000000000000000000000000000}   which is pretty much is an inconceivable number! ok not pretty much it is a non-existent number! But all this probably isn’t enough, I will encourage you to read the bible and ask God to show himself to you, look at the stars, watch a sunset or 2, hold a baby's hand and picture what a small thing it started out as, play with a puppy or just try counting the hairs on your head (you will need about of life time of free time to actually do this). Go on the internet and through Google look up the Hubble Spaceship and you will see a TON of amazing photos that are taken everyday of the universe.

Ok I was gunna try and re-create a post I made on my Xanga a long time ago but instead I will just paste it...sorry its long but it really shows my heart on this issue!

Alright guys tonight I went to a Chris Tomlin and Matt Redman concert and it was amazing! The music and worship songs were great but the speaker helped to put my life in perspective, he came out and he showed tons of pictures of the universe and they were beautiful and amazing! And then he talked about how small earth is and how much smaller we are and how Great! And HUGE!! God is.... the size of our solar system compared to the Milky Way is about the size of a quarter compared to the continent of North America!! Ok! The entire world (including space we don't know about yet) can fit between his fore finger and thumb now hold your hand out in front of you and that is what it is like for God looking down on the entire solar system!!! and within that there is a speck (which in proportion cant be seen with out an insanely good microscope) and that is earth and then there is an even tinier speck...and that's you!! You are a breath of air on a speck of dirt floating in a sunbeam and yet in all his greatness and his HUGENESS!!! he loves you and knows every hair on your head every thought that you have ever had, he rejoices with you when you are filled with his spirit and he cries when you sin against him!! he is SO huge and SO amazing and yet we in our stupid pride shake our fists in his face and tell him how we are going to live "our" lives!! And then He in his greatness and hugeness looked down on the earth and saw it needed a savior so he became like nothing so that we could be something he stooped down and made himself that small and then died for us on the very cross that he so magnificently created!! I mean wow! how can you hear that and NOT be moved?!?!

they showed a picture of Christ on the cross (a scene out of the passion) and that was all I could take the glory of God just totally overwhelmed me and I found myself unable to speak and as a tear rolled down my cheek they began to sing "The Wonderful Cross" and I couldn't find the breathe to sing and in that moment I just closed my eyes and listened to God's people praise and thank him...I seriously think that if I hadn't been in a public place I might have broke down and cried I was so totally overwhelmed by his amazing ness...and I guarantee that if you were to every night this week go out and look at the stars and then read about how God formed those heavens and if you were to think about his size and yours by the end of one week you will have grown to love him and appreciate him SO much more!!

Sorry this is so long but it really is a challenge to me... and I love God soo much that to be able to express it to someone else it an amazing opportunity! God loves you with all his heart even in all his greatness! And whether you believe He exists or not He will never take His eye off you or stop calling your name!

-molly

Hey, thnx Silmarwen for the advice. i
got some more questions though.  I realized that i should wait and if he
steps up to tell mehe likes me, then it is different.  but i also
realized that i still feel really bad about never thanking him for the gift
he gave me almost a year ago.  im not even sure if he knows I know it
was from him!! of course, i know his handwriting, AND my friend Liz
asked me if i had found anything in my desk signed "From: Guess Who?". 
Abviously i said yes.  It was from him. Sooooooo..... i emailed him saying
thank you.  the only problem is im not sure if he checks his email
frequently!!!!  he hasnt emailed me back!!!  maybe he is to shy!!  i said
in the email i wud keep it a secret!!! yet, it seemed the next day he
acted sorta funny.. Shud i ask him to check his email?????  Shud i regret
ever sending him an email cuz he might be WAY to embarrassed!!!  Shud i
just ignore it and hope for the best!!???  Plz give me answers!!! im
desperate!!!!!!!!!!!!


-Julz The Wow

Dear Julz,

If he hasn't checked his email yet, don't tell him to.  Don't do anything, let him respond to the email, or not respond to it.  You've thanked him, that's all you need to do.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,

I'm not sure what to do. There is this boy, and don't get me wrong, that is REALLY sweet, and kind to me.  I don't go by this, but it is a fact, he is REALLY cute.  He is smart, athletic (I am to so I like a guy I share interests with), CUTE, and really really sweet.  He had a crush on me last year, but the word got out and now he says he doesn't like me any more. I don't believe that though.  I seem so perfect for him.  We are both smart, talented, athletic, and really good friends.  I used to like him.  I am not sure anymore.  I am not really sure if he even likes me anymore.  He gave me a gift last year, and I never got to thank him.  He didn't give it to me in person, though.  My friend Liz, who all the guys tell their secrets to because she used to have no friends so she is good friends with the guys, told me he liked me, but also that he
didn't know I knew he liked.  I insisted that she confront him and tell him that she had told me.  I did not want to keep such secrets from him.  Now that I knew, I seemed to notice little connections between us. Sort of a flirt, I liked it.  A way he could show me his feelings without words.  I'm not sure what I should do about this not so obvious relationship. In a way I don't think he really realizes how much we seem to connect.  I do.  Should I try to go further? Should I tell him I am not interested in being anymore than friends? If I say that and he doesn't like me I might just embarrass him.  Then we might not even be friends.
- Julz the Wow

P.S.- I am very shy and have not even attempted to ask my parents
about a relationship with a guy.

Dear Julz,

My advice: don't do anything! It's VERY possible that he doesn't like you as anything more than a friend.  You said "Sort of a flirt, I liked it.", well, guys work like that, too.  It may be that he doesn't like you, but he does like the attention your giving him.  Also, he may not realize that he's leading you to believe you like him, believe me that this happens, I've fallen for it before.  I know someone, in this case a guy, that has gotten his heart broken twice because he thought that a girl really liked him, when all it was was that she happened to be paying attention to him, she had no feeling for him at all.  This is an all too common occurrence, someone pays special attention to you, you assume that the person like you, you end up with your heart broken.  Please don't be too eager to jump at a relationship, most likely it's nothing at all.  It may be hard, but DON'T DO ANYTHING! If you try talking to him you probably will end up embarrassing either him or yourself.

-Silmarwen

I have a bit of a problem.  Ever since the New Year I've been trying to get my friends to come to Christ. Tricky thing is, my friends aren't getting out of the gross jokes, language, and stereotypical views.  One of these friends has gone to church all her life.  I've been trying to get her to use alternative words, but my other friends aren't taking the hint.  I don't want to let my friends go because language is their worst fault and they're really fun at times and caring, but I don't want to fall back in the same pattern I did last year by subconsciously starting to talk like them.  What do I do?
-Lori

Dear Lori,

First of all sorry this took so long I have been really busy

anyway... I am glad that you are not desensitized by your friends’ foul language and you are trying to do something about it. The thing is they aren’t going to change their bad habits if they don’t have a change of life. So my suggestion to you is to temporarily separate yourself from them, meaning don’t make them the people you have out with the most. It is ok to talk to them and still be friends you don’t want to be rude but hanging out with them all the time will cause you to follow some of their bad habits. Instead of trying to change their language and nasty jokes try and witness to them and if they don’t stop walk away. Unfortunately I was in a similar situation no too long ago where I was good friends with some girls and one on one they didn’t use bad language or tell gross jokes or talk perverted but when they got together with other people that used the same language as them it got REALLY bad to the point of I felt my conscious screaming at me to leave. I would feel really uncomfortable and telling them to stop would normally make it worse so I left and found someone else to talk to. I was kinda upset at first that I couldn’t be with them but then when I saw them getting in trouble or doing something stupid I was very glad that I wasn’t part of the group and had made that decision to leave.

Hope this helps                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     - -molly

1. What do you do when the guy you like is mean to you, then nice, then mean, then nice.  Like sometimes he calls
me names and stuff and tells me to shut up and other times its okay.  I'm getting really confused.

2. I have another question.  Is it wrong to listen to rock and pop?  I listen to a lot of Greenday, Simple Plan, Avril Lavinge, Kelly Clarkson and a lot of other mainstream artists.  There is huge misconception among Christians that pop and mainstream is all about sex and stuff.  its totally not.  It can be about the artists views and feelings.  It can be about love(Let be the 1 2, Mario), broken hearts(Because of you, Kelly Clarkson: Losing Grip, Avril L), death(Wake me Up When September Ends, Greenday),  just plain life to the fullest (Alive, Mellisa O'neil.)

3. Another question.  I have a lot of views, and I will go over them and can you check them and tell me what YOU think of them?

3. a. Marriage: I don't really get the hype.  It's just love, and having a ring isn't going to change how much a person cares for you.  That's conditional. Love should be unconditional in all aspects.

3. b. Modesty: don't believe in it.  Girls have rights nowadays, and can make their own choices about what to wear, because we are smart and independent.  And all that stuff about guys raping you if you wear Daisy Dukes, it's pretty crazy. If a guy really wants to rape you, he wont care what your wearing.

-Emily

Emily,

1. If a guy treats you like that then you don't really want to like him anyway. I mean if you are constantly on a roller coaster ride trying to keep him happy then it isn't worth it.

2. I answered this question in another paragraph read it.

3. a. Marriage is what makes the relationship a commitment. And it is so easy for us to just love one person and then when we hit hard times leave that person for someone else. God created us to have a partner in life to stay by our side and help us through. He created us to depend on each other and on Him. It is a lot more then love it is a partner in life. I think the two biggest decisions in life is 1. Becoming a Christian and getting a new life in Christ. 2. Finding someone to share that life with.

3.b. Ok I agree that you have rights but wearing modest clothing in my opinion has nothing to do about keeping a guy from raping you! In fact I don't think I have ever heard it come from that point of view. The reason I believe that modesty is so important is because God made guys to thrive off of the beauty of females.. Which is a good thing it makes them love their wives!! However before marriage they need to be saving their eyes for their wives! Because once you see something you never forget it! If a girl shows a lot of skin no matter how great of a guy and how Christian he is he will see more....He doesn't try but it is the way he is made! When I am modest the reason I do it has nothing to do with protecting myself I do it for my Christian brothers I don't want them thinking or looking at me in that way because I want them to save themselves for their wife! So it is VERY IMPORTANT!!!

-molly

P.S. If you are still not convinced email the tgfeditor@sbcglobal.net and I can talk to you more.
P.P.S. Thanks for the complement we work hard on the site

This time it's not about my weight!  O.K. so I HATE going to church yet my church is like a big family and all friendly.  I sometimes wonder too, like is god for sure real?!  Sure
there is faith and all and I'm not a sceptical person!  I just wonder if maybe it's really a different god who doesn't care if we believe in him or not.  I mean i like believing in God and having a comfort in him but it's hard.  I only pray when I'm in need or if i pray i wonder on into pointless things like worries about boys or band or if my BFF is mad at me!!  I hate the constant burden of thinking people expect me to go to church. I go to a public school so it's not like i can't express my faith but when i do i get laughed at and when i talk to the teacher she tells me to talk to the class!  I HATE talking to the class about personal things especially after they laugh at me!!!!! Am I a horrible Christian?! Or What?! Should i just have faith and who cares about my doubts? HELP  :(    Please
-Tub Tubs back

(Sumary I dont feel pasionate about my faith and I am not outgoing about it at school because I dont want to be laughed at)

Dear TTs back,

We have another Paragraph about not being sure about your faith I will link you to it. 2 3

Dear Silmarwen,
1. I want to ask you is it a sin to sing and listen to music that are not dedicated to God like the music of simple plan?

2. If  given a chance to study or learn a type of instrument what type of instrument would it be?

3. How can you share the word of God with a catholic? 

4. Is it a sin to joke a friend by teasing her, her crush and teasing the boy about his crush?
-Q.

Dear Q.

1. Listening to music that isn't Christian I don't believe is a SIN but it isn't uplifting for you at all. I have found that when listening to music that is dedicated to the world and the worshiping of things of the world (I don't mean witchcraft type stuff just stuff that glorifies money relationships and so on.) you feel an extreme low almost....And you definitely don't walk away and praise God. He says to give him all of you and if you are spending your time doing or listening to things that aren't glorifying him then well you aren't really following that command. I will admit this is kinda convicting to me when I am thinking about it, I don't always listen to Christian music just because it seems to be repetitive...but I guess I need to practice what I preach, thanks for bringing this topic up for me!!

2. Any instrument you want!! Personally I play piano and violin, I like to sing in my local choir as well. So I don't know if your asking which instrument is most Godly or if you just want a suggestion. I say look into it and find one you like.

3. You can share the same way you would share with a Christian. First I would look into what they believe and then find bible verses that either back up or show that what they believe is wrong. Start with the basics of excepting Christ as your Savior and then bit by bit show them how to live their lives for Christ.

4. It isn't a sin to joke around. I mean God definitely has a sense of humor (I mean look at me ) but if the teasing is tearing someone down instead of building them up you need to stop. By hurting other Christians it is like the hand smacking the head. (The bible says we are the body of Christ) Also Ephesians 4:29 talks about how you build each other up. Building 429 gets their name from that verse.

Hope this all helps,

molly

Is slow dancing wrong?  And if its not, then is it okay for the girl to ask the guy?  I love to slow dance,
because it doesn't even mean you like the guy.  We had a dance today and I slowdanced three times.  Is it wrong?  We have rules at our school
(which is Catholic) that we have to stay far apart and the boys hands cant be too low. 

-Emmy

Dear Emmy,

Well, slow dancing isn't WRONG, but the thoughts that come with being that close to a guy ARE! I know that the idea of being that close to a guy is very pleasurable, but it's still wrong. I'm sorry if this isn't the answer you wanted, but it's the correct answer.

-Silmarwen

P.S. ;-) I kow what slow dancing is.

I know that to get to heaven you have to
accept God as your savior and actually have a relationship with him.
But what else do you think is necessary to get to heaven? Or is there a
bible verse/s that could answer this question? Thanks.

-Mae

Dear Mae,

Accepting God as your savior is all you have to do to get into heaven.  But part of accepting Christ is turning your life over to him and living a life worthy of his name. You can't lose your salvation, but a saving faith works! Meaning, don't just sit around all day doing nothing, get out there and do things for Christ!!!

-Silmarwen

How do you know if God is talking to you?

Miranda

Miranda,

Ok....This is a really close subject for me. You see it kinda comes with time. For the longest time I felt like God was this huge cloudlike thing far far away, and talking to him was uncomfortable....and He defiantly didn't talk back (or so I thought) But really when God talks to you you don't hear words....and it may not always be clear but through prayer and study of the bible you will be able to understand what he is trying to get across to you. For me I have 'feelings' which are really just promptings of the Holy Spirit. I will be sitting alone and a guy will start walking towards me and I will have a 'feeling' that he doesn't want to say hi....The more time you spend in the Word and in prayer the more clear what he is saying becomes. Now if you are asking me how to decipher what GOD is saying and what your worldly desires are saying...well I already gave you the prescription for that so I wont repeat it.

So to sum it up, Wear holes in the knees of your jeans, and dry your eyes out. (pray and read the bible without ceasing in my weird funky wording )

-molly

What are your thoughts on masterbation? I'm really struggling with that right now and i think that God wants me to give it up.  Do you have any suggestions on how i should do so?

-Pure One 60

Well without going into too much detail...cuz this is a Christian site and does have younger readers (am not saying anyone reading this is young...just for those lil innocent eyes I wanna protect) However as far as stopping I don't have any personal experience to offer you. But I think that if you were to totaly give it over to God and ask him to fill that void He would be more then willing to help you. Also you may want to get counseling or just an accountability partner.

-Silmarwen

My catholic friend believes that mary deserves prayer because she was sinless, is this true or is she just was she born sinful just like everyone else?
-Blaine

Dear Blaine,

Um....I don't want to say anything offensive but I will start with I am not catholic....Ok. Mary like every other human on this planet was born sinful.

Romans 3:23 For ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

Mary was human wasn't she? If you look in Luke 3 (that is actually Mary's Genealogy) You will see she had a human father a human grandfather a human great-grandfather all the way up to Adam....so yea.

To sum it all up, Mary IS NOT perfect she had flaws in fact she could barely believe it when she found out God had chosen HER to carry his son. So while Mary is a great role model for all you teenage girls (yes she was about 14 at the time) she is not perfect. God is the ONLY one who is sinless (plus the entire trinity)

I hope that answers your question.

-Simarwen

My family is all christian but I just don't really think about it .I go to church ever sunday but it has just become a ruteen. The same thing every sunday .I feel kind of bad about it 'cause it just seams like everyone is fake. GAAAA I think it would be easier to explain in person but I don't think that will happen.
-Gretchin

Dear Gretchin,

I am sorry that I didn't answer your whole question but the rest of it is on my comment about guys

Otherwise, Ok I have felt like you before...and I was almost sure I had answered a question on this before but I...ca....n....t... find it..hm.. ah well. The best thing to do is ask God to strengthen your faith and to give you a fresh word every week. And a bible study everyday would make it feel more close. As far as people being fake at church, try and be yourself there make the people lighten up talk to them about things during the week. But I don't know how to make it less of a rueteen....Just every Sunday before church ask God to give you a fresh word.

-molly

Hey,
So I kind of have major problem... I feel ugly and FAT!!!!  I'm in Gr.7 and I'm twelve years old, I'm five foot Four inches and I weigh 128Lbs, and I'm the largest person in our grade!!!!  I broke my ankle and kids said ha your toes are so swollen, but they weren't!!!!!  I felt horrid.  I don't have a pot belly or anything, my mum is always like muscle
weighs more than fat and I can't diet.  I'm NOT going to go anorexic or anything but i hate feeling ugly.  Guys always like my Best friends but I've only have one guy like me and he is a jerk!!!!!!  Plzzz HELP ME!!!

-tub tub

dear not overweight,

Hey sweet heart I can understand how you feel the lie that we are ugly and fat is constantly thrown at us from everywhere, Hollywood, Magazines, T.V., School and even Church. Because everywhere we go there are skinnier prettier people then us and we think we don’t quite measure up. But it is just that, A LIE!! listen if you are fat then Silmarwen is obese and I am morbidly obese!!! and if I said that people would throw me out a two-story window!! cuz I am not fat just, as Silmarwen so comically puts it, 'pleasantly plump' Now about the guys not liking you, lemme tell you something, I have an older sister who at age 13 had 18 yr old guys asking her out, and I at 13 had managed to get the biggest creep on earth to announce to me we were getting married....Now does that make any sense? We have the SAME DNA? How in the world did we end up SO opposite? Well I have (after many tears) come to the realization that God has someone out there in store for me and he is just not ready to reveal him to me yet, and while the world tells me I am fat and ugly and that is why guys don’t like me I have to learn to not listen to that lie. Now I don’t mean go out and TRY and gain weight but don’t feel that you need to meet the standards of this world. Another story, My cousin, Jennifer, never had a boyfriend never had guys ask her out but she a couple years back met this AWESOME guy and married her first boyfriend (they now are married with 2 beautiful children) this guy was hot and super nice (and best of all a die hard Christian)!! And all those years she thought she was ugly and was going to end up with a freak, and that wasn’t at all what happened!! But some suggestions, when your feeling fat and ugly DONT WATCH TV!! Try and do something that will not shove those anorexic chicks down your throat!!

-Miss PP molly

Ok I am going to say something here that will apply to almost every question people ask about guys!! I DO NOT SUPPORT CRUSHES!! I SUPPORT RELATIONSHIPS!!! Always aim to have a relationship with a guy. And that means that you talk about things that are important to you (like issues of whether your kids would go to private or public or home school weather you want to be a missionary or a stay at home mom...stuff like that) NOT a dating relationship where the conversation ends at the living room couch. OF COURSE THIS RELATIONSHIP HAS TO BE APPROVED BY YOUR PARENTS AND AT THE RIGHT AGE!!! I do not suggest that all you 13-15 year olds start going around telling your crushes you wanna paint your kitchen hot pink!!! It is perfectly natural for you to feel attracted to guys that IS NOT a sin however where you take that attraction and where you allow your mind to wander with that attraction is where the sin sets in!! Of course your parents may have totally different views so if you don’t agree go up to your parents and ask them what THEIR standards are on dating…hey even better yet go to the bible and see what the ultimate standard is!! TO BE LIKE CHRIST!!! ALWAYS when you are dealing with the opposite gender ask what Christ would do (I am sorry if I sound like a bracelet but it is SOOO true)

Liz, Rachel, Silmarwen and I just wanted to get this out in the open about what we believe so if you ask a guy question and we think the answer is in here we may not answer it.

God Bless, keep on keeping on,

Molly

Dear Silmarwen
My best guy friend is kinda weird but he's still a good friend. He just told me he likes me and it was really embarrassing and I didn't know what to say. I'm afraid I hurt his feelings, but now I'm afraid it will be very awkward around us and that we'll never be like we used to be.
-Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving yourself and a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year (ok so extended the title...a ittle ;>)              Some times Things happen and we wish we could just rewind and prevent it...but this isnt the case. Your guy friend found out he likes you and instead of getting advice from silmarwen (the question below this talks about telling your crushes) he told you. Which I cant totally blame the guy yet I feel sorry that your in this situation. What I would do is just tell him that you dont feel the same way and while avoiding the 'lets just be friends' line explain that you arent ready for that type of relationship with him.

-molly

Dear Silmarwen,

Hey! I have a lot of friends that are
guys, but i've never had a boyfriend. I really like one of my guy friends
but i don't think he knows. Should i tell him  or just let it be? We
have a great relationship as it is and i'm scared of totally ruining that
and freakin him out. What should i do?

-Confused in Georgia

Dear Confused,

I would suggest exactly what you yourself suggested, which is not saying anything. You way not think it will cause a problem, but knowing that you like him will definately make him uncomfortable. Even though you may want to tell him, telling him will do nothing but hurt your relationship OR start something that your not ready for. I think it is the guys job to start something (if your old enough) so the best thing to do is just be patient and wait on the Lord and don't say a word.

-Silmarwen

Hey Silmarwen,

I am having a problem with a boy.  I REALLY like this boy at my church that just so happens to be the pastor's son.  And it seems that he likes me too.  But I don't know what I should say to him if he asks me out.  He is a VERY strong Christian and he is VERY cute and my Mom knows that I like him and so does my brother.  But my dad doesn't.  My dad is way
too strict and I just wish that he would give me more freedom.  In my house, me and my brother aren't really even expected to LIKE boys or girls.  My mom is okay with me having a boyfriend as long as we don't hold hands or kiss or do ANYTHING sexual and that is fine with me because i have NO DESIRE WHATSOEVER to do that.  I know that I am kind of rambling here... What I am trying to say is that if he asks me out, I want to say yes but i don't want my dad to find out.  I WILL tell my mom though.  What should I do?

kAtIeLyNn

Dear kAtIeLyNn,

Ok if this guy asks you out your answer should depend on your age AND you do HAVE TO have your dad's permission. I know it is frustrating cuz you think that he will never give in but hey without his approval you and this guy will never go farther then just liking eachother! And that would make the whole relationship pointless...Pray and ask God to give you strenght to approach your dad (that is if your old enough to be even considering dating) and he will ...also be patient!

-molly

Dear Silmarwen
 I heard at a Christian camp that if you sin against someone, you have to ask them for forgiveness and get it before God will forgive you for your sin. Is this true? I've worried about that, because at camp I gossiped about this girl, but I've never seen her again, so I've never had the chance to ask for forgiveness. Also, (sry, this is long,) when you ask God for forgiveness, is it ok to say, please forgive me of my sins instead of something like "Please forgive me for talking back to my mom, and gossiping, and lying to my teacher", basically, going down the line of every sin you've done. Cause sometimes I can't remember the specifics of everything I've done.

-Kennedy

Dear Kennedy,

We have another paragraph written by Silmarwen that refers to this general subject. But I believe that God will forgive you if you ask honestly from your heart for forgiveness. And I am touched that your conscience is so sensitive it means that you truly have a soft hear towards God! If there is absolutely no way that you can contact this girl (via email or even letter) then simply asking God for forgiveness will clear your sin. However if you do have the opportunity to ask forgiveness from anyone you have wronged take it! Although it is not required for forgiveness. Now as far as praying goes...I have often wondered myself...am I not forgiven for things that I have done unless I name everything....But I think that if you confess your sins to God (and that means 'God forgive me for the sins I have committed today') then he is faithful and just to forgive those who love him. Now be careful do not take this as a liberty to sin as much as you want because God will always forgive! yes he is a merciful Loving God but He also knows the heart and the heart that sins and then has the mouth mumble a prayer and continues to commit the same sins he has just committed really does not love God. So when you ask for forgiveness that means you are making a promise to God to give it your all to stop that sin (with his help!!)

-Molly

My parents never let me be involved in anything that had to do with halloween. they say that it's evil and that we shouldn't do it cuz we're christian. i tried to explain to them that it's just a day for kids to go get free candy, but they still won't
budge. also when i was younger, (from when i was born till age 10) i wasn't allowed to watch any tv with magic in it. i disagree with them.. wutz your opinion????
Eagles bball 1121

EBB1121

Hey I am sorry to say I agree with your parents..actually I am not sorry but I know that probably wont make you very happy. The reason being is that God says in the bible that witchcraft and sorcery is evil. And there is also a verse (which of course when I finally NEED to know the reference I forget it!!!) that says that satan's followers will dance in the streets in parades and costumes.....hmm...doesn't that sound an awful lot like little goblins and ghosts running from house to house searching for candy!! And even still if Halloween wasn't mentioned in the bible as wrong there is something in there about honoring thy father and thy mother and I think that your parents convictions about these things should be honored and maybe when your a parent someday (God willing) you will understand why your parents do and say what they do...(OH NO!! my mom always said someday I was gunna say that!! I am starting to sound like her!! maybe she was....right?)

Dear Silmarwen,
So this guy i like is a major jerk... but i still like him.  He told me he liked me to but i think he just wants a girlfriend so i told him to spend all day at school with me.  He didn't of course.  I really like him but i don't want to get hurt.  Actually i don't like him but I'm always thinking about him and I'm all mad at myself.  I've tried liking nicer guys but i always go back to him.  What do I do?????  I am so cheesed off right now 'cus he won't pay attention to me at school but on the computer he's all nice to me.  I NEED HELP!!!!! Thanx

-Don't want 2 B Hurt

Dear DW2BH,

Hmm...this is rough..He is a major jerk...you like him....he only wants you because he wants a girlfriend....you really like him...you don't want to get hurt....you don't like him....you always think about him....your mad at yourself because you like him.....no matter what you do you come back to liking him.....your REALLY mad because he ignores you in person and is nice to you on the internet.....WOW!!! I NEED A BREATHER!! and I thought roller coasters had lots of twists and turns! Listen if you just read what you wrote ( I summed it up for you in the beginning of this letter) you will see what I mean. Apparently I have seen nothing in here that had anything to do with how great of a Christian he was or how he is a gentlemen or how he treats you like the jewel (in Christ) you are...it is all 'he has lusts [likes] me' or 'I have lusts [like] him' that is all liking someone is is a lust...a desire. Look at your desires and see if they are for the right reasons...chances are the more you look at how potentially bad this relationship could be with your ultimate relationship (between you and Christ) the easier it will be to stop liking this guy. Now the best way to stop liking him isn't necessarily to replace him with a better guy how about just having God fill that void until he brings the person HE wants for you not you LUST for.

-Molly

hey,
so many people argue about this and i was wondering what u thought
about it. the question is "should you save your first kiss for
marriage?"Cuz,in the bible,it says that you should not have any sexual activity at
all before marriage. But,in so many christian books,they say that kissing
before marriage is ok. what would u do?Thanks.

-Saving It

Dear Saving It,

Well, this is a subject I struggle over, too. But what I think is that, yes, you should wait till your married to have any kind a sexual activity on any level. It will be hard, but you'll find other girls with the same convictions if you just look around.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,

My boyfriend has been lying to me. It's
not big stuff but I feel played. What should I do???

-Krissy

Dear Silmarwen,

Tell him how you feel. I know it will be hard, but if he really loves you and respects your feelings, he'll listen.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,

ok...i really like this guy at school,
he is really nice and stuff. His dad is a pastor, but i don't think i'm
allowed to date. I mean it's not like he's some goth or something. what
can i say to them???

-Colby

Dear Colby,

Well, since you aren't sure if your allowed to date, why not find out? I don't mean date behind your parents back and wait for them to find out an see if they protest, I mean to ask them about it. And if they say you can't, for the time being I'd say to respect their wishes. Maybe you should let them get to know this boy before asking them. But if they say no, don't question them, they've been where you are and they know what they're doing!

-Silmarwen

Hello, I’ve read nearly all of your answers to girls' question but I have a question too. If we are not supposed to be dating...then how do you find the man you are destined to marry? How do you find that right somebody if you never look for him? And another question is love just there or do you fall in love with a man after you have gotten to know and trust each other thanks.

-D

Dear D,

Ok dating....for me is one on one guy and girl relationship, no one else involved. Let me introduce courting which is safe dating...where you aren't alone and open to temptation. And you can have an accountability partner that you talk to and they will keep you from doing something you will regret. And really not dating is a conviction not a rule, but a conviction that we at T.G.F strongly support because it protects all you girls' hearts. And you don't have to look God will take care of it. Just pray for your husband and that God will let you know when you are ready for a relationship. As long as you keep him involved in everything you can’t lose. Ok as far as love goes, I can’t really tell you I have never been in love. But something gives me a feeling that you will find out when it happens.

-molly

Sorry I’ve been asking so many questions...but I am curious. We should not date non Christian boys...because the bible tells us not to. But why does it say such a thing? And may we date as long as we save ourselves Christian boys? Also, if a boy asks you out and you reject him because he is not Christian. Does this make you a bad person for being judging of a person because of stereotype? (Sorry for all the questions) and also if we may date Christian boys as long as we save ourselves, may we date catholic boys?

-Curious

What are some differences between Catholicism and Christianity? thanks.
-Dee

Dee,

Hmm....well they [Catholics] just have some different views on baptism and stuff. And for them it [salvation] is more works then faith. But a lot of Catholics are Christians so I can’t really tell you the difference. I could tell you the difference between them and Baptists...or something like that.

-Molly (Silmarwen sends her best!)

P.S. Here are some things catholics believe:

1. ...catholics believe that not going to "mass" or church,is a sin.
2. ...catholics believe that Mary was the "divine one" but in actual fact she was just a normal girl.
3. ...there is a catholic bible which has added books in it...but it clearly states in the christian bible that it is a sin to add any books to the bible(revelation 22:18-20)
4. ...they also believe that you have to do good works to get into heaven.
5. ...they also believe in the purgatory(which is a place between heaven and hell till judgement day)
6. they also believe that suicide sends you straight to hell.
7. they also believe in transubstantiation( when they take communion,they believe that the wine turns into his blood and the bread into his body.

-Silmarwen (sorry I didn't answer your question originally! We've been really swamped)

Hi,

I have a bit of a problem.... this guy marc that i really like and i are going out... we have been for 3 days now... but i am too nervous to talk to him, and it is causing problems...see... i have known him since the first grade... he is a Christian , and really sweet and smart and funny, but i just got off of a really bad relationship with this guy that i was in love with, and i don't think i waited long enough to start to date marc...i really like marc, but if i stop talking to him our relationship will be over... soon, and i am not ready to have my heart broken again yet... what do i do?

-Without Hope

Without Hope,

Well from the sound of this guy I think the best thing you can do is talk to him. Pray and ask God to give you strength, go to this guy and tell him that you are just out of a bad relationship and your heart isn’t quite ready for another relationship and you need some time. If he is as wonderful as you say he is he should be willing to wait a while.

-Silmarwen

Hi,
what do you think of using contraception, when your married. Like say, you don’t want to have anymore kids. And also what do you think of masturbation before marriage and after marriage.

-Curious

Dear Curious,

I personally think that contraception is O.K for marriage. Some times people can only afford 3 kids and don’t want to bring another child into the world. That is really a matter of conviction. BUT it is not a matter of conviction BEFORE marriage. The bible says to stay sexually moral and normally the reason for taking birth control pills before marriage means that you are performing sexually immoral acts. And so I didn’t really answer your question because that is not what I think it is what the bible says.

-Silmarwen

hi,please tell me what your views on
dating are.Personally im not going to date untill im ready to marry.Thats
because in the bible it tells us to remain sexually pure.And usually
dating results in  phyiscal and emotional pain and involvment.Thanks.

-curious

Dear Curious,

Actually, you just stated my views on dating in your letter. I completely and totally agree with you! I hope you stay true to you views!

-Silmarwen

dear silmarwen-

I am in a new school this year and I have a new teacher, he's very
attractive and I like him a lot. I even feel that I love him even though I
have been told that it is only infatuation that I am feeling and not
love, I cannot help but to feel like we belong together. For the last
past few days I have been holding back the feeling of wanting to flirt
with him because I'm not sure of how much trouble I could get into or how
much trouble he could get into... I know he's not married but I don't
know if he has a girl friend or not, I'd like to give it a try even if
he rejects me. But I don't want to flirt with him and then have him feel
weird around me.. but I really, really, like him... So what should I
do?

-Roxie

Dear Roxie,

First of all, compare your ages. He's probably just a little bit older than you.   Also, ask yourself why you like him. Do you really know anything about him, or do you just like how he looks? These are odd things to consider, but you really need to think about it. And also, do you really think you would stand a chance with him? He sees lot's of attractive women on a daily basis that he may be attracted to, and you're one of the many students he teaches. I know this may hurt, but a relationship with this man is NOT something I would suggest or support.

  Try praying about it, talking to your youth pastor, or another trusted adult. I'm praying for you, Roxie!

-Silmarwen

Hi. I need help getting closer to God. I
love to read and write, but lately, that's all I've been doing. I
usually don't have worship unless my mom makes me. And sometimes I can't go
to sleep, because my mind is full of the books I've read or the stories
I've wrote. So, I grab a book, or paper and a pencil, and I stay up all
night. Even if I don't read or write all night, I can't fall asleep
until three in the morning. I even pray for sweet sleep. But it usually
doesn't come.

Please, can you give me a small push toward God?

-Sleep Stalker

Dear SS,

Might I suggest a fast? Not a fast from eating, but a fast from your addiction. Give your books, paper, and pencils to your parents, and tell them to keep them for you for a certain amount of time, maybe a month. Pray every day and whenever you feel the urge to read or write, pray even harder. I know this will be hard, but it should help.

-Silmarwen

Hi, I have had some problems with
depression for about 6 years. It mainly started because when I was 12 my
church broke up. I was VERY involved in it and had lots of friends and knew
everybody. My parents and I have been looking for the church that God
wants us to be at for going on 7 years now. I'm really frustrated and
confused and lonely. I have no fellowship with christians my age. I just
started going to a secular college and that just makes me more stressed
out(being around people who are bashing what you believe is not fun.) I
keep praying over and over that God will show me where to go and what
to do, but it doesn't seem to be helping. I don't know what to do
anymore. Am I doing something wrong here?

-Sarah

Sarah,

Oh wow I am gunna give you advice right now that I need to hear myself. You see my church within the past month has just dissolved and we [my family] have NO idea where we are gunna go to church or what we are gunna do. It is a very low time for us spiritually! I encourage you though to turn to the scriptures [the bible] Romans 15:4 "For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the scriptures we might have hope." The bible gives us "endurance" and "encouragement" so we can make it through the low times and come out smiling all at the same time. Dont give up hope God has totaly control over your situation right now and I garauntee that every time you feel lost about what to do and your heart is sinking He is waiting there ready to give you encouragment and endurance through His word. Also as far as going to a secular college, my sister right now is attending the community college near our home. Lets just say it isnt necesarily Christian there. It is rough when all around her there are people trying to get her to give into the world. But she gets to come home everynight and do a bible study and talk to my mom and I and then she is ready to face them again. So maybe you need to find a Christian friend there or at home that you can either email or call or write a letter to everytime you are feeling challenged. Like iron sharpens iron so does man sharpen man. God put other Christians on this earth to help encourage us we as humans thrive on fellowship! And if you are having trouble finding a Christian friend your age it is O.K if they are older (or younger!) possibly a parent or close relative. I am praying for you,

-Silmarwen (and molly)

Dear Silmarwen,

My best friend Susie has a friend named
Rebecca. Susie is my best friend and Rebecca, I just met. While we were
alone, Rebecca told me that she can't stand Susie and some other
things. I am not sure if I should tell Susie because if I do, I am not sure
if she will believe me and she probably ask Rebecca and she will deny
it, but if I keep my mouth shut, I feel bad that Rebecca said that about
Susie and Susie not knowing about it. What should I do?

-Helpless

Dear Helpless,

Well, Proverbs 26:17 tells us not to get involved with other people's arguements, and that if you do you might as well grab a dog by the ears. I don't know if you know this already, but dogs don't like to be grabbed by the ears, and you are very likely to lose a hand if you do that.  So as hard as it might be, don't get involved. Let these girls settle their differences on their own.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,

I listen to christian punk rock and my dad says that's not chirstian
and we fight about everyday!! I love my dad and what he says means alot
to me, but this is the only stlye of christian music that I like!! and I
won't sop listening to it!!

Am I being stupid by not listening to my dad?

-teenqueen

Dear T.Q.,

Yes, actually, you are being stupid. Not by not agreeing with your dad, but by fighting with him. Just because he disagrees with your choice music doesn't give you the right to fight with him, nothing ever gives you the right to fight with your parents. Next time he tells you he doesn't like your music, instead of getting mad try to come to some sort of compromise with him. And if you find yourself getting frustrated, count to ten and take a deep breath. This will help you calm down, when you have your anger under control, try again.

-Silmarwen

Hi,

You guys answer people's questions and things like that, but what about
you guys what do you like to do for fun? I know you can only give so
much information. But I would like to get to know "silmarwen" better.

-Curious

Dear Curious,

You are officially the first to ask that. Well, I'm not as old as you may think, I'm a freshman in highschool! But don't think that because I'm young I can't anwer your questions. As you've seen for yourself by reading my ansers, I know what to say.

    As far as what I do for fun, I'm an absolute book worm, and I often have my nose stuck in some book or other. I also highly enjoy internet games and honging out with friends.

   I hope this answers your question!

-Silmarwen 

Dear Silmarwen,

How do we pray? I don't understand
it...at all.

-Rach

Dear Rach,

Well, to tell the truth, I'm still struggling with that myself. But In Mathew 6:9-13 is the Lord's Prayer, that will help you, I think. And there's a devo out called "Power of a Praying Teen". I think that will help you, too. And I will pray for you that the Lord will help you in the area. 

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,

There is a guy I like at my school and he has like four of the same
classes as me, but I don't know how to tell him I like him without being
forward or anything like that. What should I do?

-Unnoticed

Dear Unnoticed,

Well, as I've said before in other letters, it really depends how old you are. If your not old enough to date, it doesn't matter, and you shouldn't say anything. But even if you are, I wouldn't suggest saying anything, because if he doesn't share your feelings, it could ruin a friendship. You see, if he doesn't like you, knowing that you like him will make him feel awkward around you. I hope this helps you.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen

Well i have been a christian for about a
year now. But a few months ago my parents found out that i have been
cutting myself for about a year and a half. My parents got so mad and i
just want to keep cutting even more. I also hate eating, it makes me
feel so sick! I just feel like throwing-up after i eat. I feel bad almost
every day and don't know what to do anymore! I start high school and im
scared that i will stop eating even more! I am always depressed and try
to hide it. I also flirt with a lot a guys. SO my question is, If i cut
and starve myself am i not a christian? and is it wrong to flirt with
guys?

-Unknown

Dear Unknown,

 Well, first of all, I suggest you start praying many times during the day that this will stop. And second I suggest you seek counseling. And third I suggest you talk to your doctor about your eating problems it is possible that it could be food alergies that are causing you to feel sick when you eat I have an aunt like this who talked to a nutritionist and got medicine to make it possible for her to eat. And now she is a healthy wieght again. 

You are still a Christian if you cut and starve yourself, but your not a very strong one. And flirting with guys is something I suggest you avoid. It can lead to some very bad things.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,

How would I know if a guy likes me ?

-Mia

Dear Mia,

Actually, I don't really know. But I do know that, depending on how old you are, you shouldn't be concerned about if a guy likes you or not. What you do need to remeber is that you're saving yourslef for your future husband, and that's all that really matters.

-Silmarwen

Hey!:)Im A God Gal with spunk and I
really wanna live my life to the max but totally Gods way.I really believe
that he has so much awesome stuff lined up for me.Its just such an
amazing thought.Do you have any ideas on how i could keep up this way or
any books or shows or groups or internet sites that will help me to be
the best person i can be for God.

-Livin it Up 4 Him

Dear LIU4H,

Well, here are some websites I suggest:

-T.G.F.

-Purity Girls

-Virtue Pledge

You can visit our links page for more great sites!

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,

I am dating a guy that is older than I
am.  My parents want me to stop seeing him.  He isn't saved but he treats
me so good.  I really do love him

-Sparks

Dear Sparks,

I'm so sorry, but your parents are right! It's not good to be in a relationship with a boy that is not saved. God tells us so in the Bible. I know this response will probably make you upset, but I don't make God's rules, I just call them.  This doesn't mean, by the way, that you can't be friends with this guy, but you do need to stop dating him.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,

That's a cool name by the way. Anyway, I just found out my brother's
friend has a crush on me. I don't like him that way. He's also two years
younger than me. I'm not really suppose to know either. How can I act
normal and like I don't know around him?

-Pizza Lover

Dear PL,

Thank you, It's my elvish name.  Now, about your question: If you don't like he, it shouldn't really cause a problem. Now, if you've read any of my other responses to questions, you may think I either sound like a broken letter, or I'm making it up, but every time I say this, It's true! I've had this happen to me! And with younger boys, depending on how old the boy in your question is, crushes are never anything more than thonking the girl is pretty, and trying to do some goofy thing get their attention. So ignore it, and go on with your life. 

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen

Do you think it's against the bible or
w/e to chat online to people you don't know? Whether they're saved or
unsaved? thanks

-questioner

Dear Questioner,

It's not against the Bible, but is it safe? How do you know if the girl your talking to is really a girl? They might be some 30 year old guy who is a pervert. You never really know.  And if your parents get upset about you talking to people you don't know, they're thinking about your safety, not being mean.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
lately I've struggling with some strong emotions. I'll be sitting doing
something perfectly normal and at peace, I could be watching T.V. doing
homework, or reading, and all of a sudden I get sad like heart ache in
a way. It's hard to explain. I usually just ignore it and do something
to busy myself. Is this normal, is something wrong with me? Is God
trying to tell me something, or am I going through some type of physical
attack or something. I've asked God about it, but never really get a very
clear answer. Can you help me, or atleast pray for me that I find out
what's wrong.
thanks a bunch,

-Loved

Dear Loved,

I don't really know what it is you're going through, but I do know who you can ask about it, no, I'm not going to say your Heavenly Father.  Though you should continue to ask him about it. But talk to your doctor about it, because he is probably the person most likely to know what it is. You could also consider talking to the counseler at your school.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,
     I like this guy who goes to my school. He's really smart and is
like me in a lot of ways. I think he's really nice, but his one problem
is he can't stand to be proven wrong. If he IS wrong, then he comes up
with an excuse. None of my friends know I like him, because I've never
told them; they all hate him. It really hurts me when they say mean
things about him. But I've started feeling troubled because I wonder if
I've idealized this guy. Is he who my friends think he is, or who I think
he is? Please tell me what you think.

-troubled

Dear Troubled,

Tell ya what, I'm not going to pick sides, but I will give you something to think about: Why do you like him? Do you like him for who he is, or for how he looks? Have you ever really talked to him and gotten to know him? Is he a good Christian? Will he help you to grow closer to the Lord, or will he pull you further away? Consider these things, I hope it helps.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen

I know a guy and he keeps asking me to
make out.  I always say no but he threatens to ruin my life by telling
my deep dark secret, I cheat to get a perfect report card.  I said yes
once because i was afraid but now he's asking me to have sex!  What do I
do?!  I don't want to lose my virginity.

-Kai

Dear Kai,

Reading your letter made me so sad! My dear girl, you shouldn't be in this situation!

 Well, first I would suggest you stop cheating to get a perfect report card, that is definitely not honest, and it's a sin. I think you already know this since you don't want this guy to tell. Stop cheating now.

  And second, tell your parents, your pastor, or another trusted adult. And definitely tell your heavenly Father, he wants to help you. Next time that this young man asks you to go all the way, tell him no, and leave. And if your in a dating situation with him, don't think he loves you, because he doesn't. If he really did love you he wouldn't try to force you. 

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,

Hey , this is Shine =) Well , all I want
to know is how does a girl has to behave when she likes a boy , want to
know him better , that boy seems to like her too , they do not have
many chances to know each other cuz they are from different environments ? I
don't wanna do the first step(yeah , it's about me ..;)), cuz I think its
normal for the boy to do this , so how do i have to behave so that he
might not be aware of the fact that i like him and wanna know him , but
still be open and nice to him ? It's kind of hard for me to stay relaxed
when it's him around ...
and yea , there's another thing: I don't wanna get involved in a relationship if 
we don't marry ....so how can I know more taking this into account this ?
huh , hope you understand something from what I've just said !!
thx.

-Shine

Dear Shine,

Where do I begin?! Well...first of all, be very careful just how friendly you are, you don't want him to think that you're the kind of girl that will have pre-marital sex! So be nice to him, but treat him like a brother, not a boyfriend. Also, if you do want to pursue a relationship with him, a healthy christian relationship, you should check with your parents and see what they think about it, and make sure they are okay with you dating!   But always, ALWAYS, pray that God will help you to make the right decision.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen

I had a major crush on a guy and now
that he knows and we are kinda a couple, Except i can't date.  Anyway, I
know tons about him because I ask questions but he never asks about
me.  Once he even told me to continue asking questions about him, is that
hurtful or what.  I feel like this is a one way relationship but I
don't want to break-up with him, Should I wait till school starts and see
if he goes back to normal or should I leave the relationship?! 

Please help,
Lost and wondering

Dear LaW,

Well, seeing as your not supposed to be dating anyway, I would suggest not pursuing a relationship. And if he doesn't show interest in you, he probably doesn't really like you, and your cruising right into having your heart broken. And, my dear, don't forget to pray about this. And asking your youth pastor or another trusted adult will help, too.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,

I just ended a really long and weird
form of a relationship with a non-Christian friend of mine.  We didn't
exactly date, but we held hands and stuff.  I don't want to date
non-Christian guys.  I don't really want to date.  But he liked me a lot, and I
sort of liked him, and it was really hard to restrain myself because
that sort of thing is really nice.  Anyways, I just ended that conflict,
and now another non-Christian male friend of mine likes me, and I sort
of like him.  He's really fun to hang out with, but he's no where near a
Christian. He's leaving for college in a month but I think he wants to
date me.  I don't want to date, especially a non-Christians but I don't
know what to do.  I just ended up ignoring the last guy which hurt his
feelings a lot.  I don't know how to get the message across with out
hurting the guy.  This is the third time a non-Christian guy thats a good
friend of mine has liked me I don't know what to do!

-Confused

Dear Confused,

My heart hurt for you as I read this letter! This is such a very tough situation!! But there is an answer to the problem. Being a Christian, and a non-dating one, you need to stand up for your beliefs! If this non-christian young man asks you out, politely refuse him. If he asks why, explain to him about your beliefs and invite him to go to church with you. I will pray for you, my friend, and you should be praying for yourself, too. Don't think that you don't need to tell your Heavenly Father about stuff like this. Having a quiet time every day will also help you. I hope this helps you, friend.

-Silmarwen

 I have the reputation of being quiet and shy. There is not a real problem with that, but I want people to see all of who I am. I do not want them to think I'm there only during praise and worship time. I want them to know that I will pray with them anywhere and any time. I am just a very quiet person. Any Thoughts?
-Alexa

Dear Alexa,

Well there are 2 ways to do this...1: get a megaphone and at your next service announce that you aren't shy and you will pray with them anytime they need you to. OR 2: show them! slowly start introducing yourself to people asking them general questions...ask them how they are...then if they need you to pray for them...pretty soon word will get around you are the one to come to! I don't have much experience here though cuz I am a very outgoing person! and terribly well known! mainly because I would not be too scared to do option one!!lol so people are willing to come to me...cuz they know I will listen and then respond and pray with them...and then I can turn around and still be there friend and not make them feel awkward cuz they have told me something personal. This isnt going to happen overnight it will take you time to adjust and them time to gain trust in you. My sister wouldn't open her mouth in public from the time she was 10 till she was 14 turning 15 and you know what now EVERYONE really is her friend...everyone knows they can trust her! she is the greatest recovery story! (people I know don't believe me when I tell them she used to be shy! lol)

Hope this helps

-molly

Dear Silmarwen, I go to a christian school, and I most definitely believe in God, I try hard to do the right thing by him. Although I suffer depression and have a problem of cutting myself. I have only ever told 2 people about this, and I am trying to find strength in myself to stop, and I turn to God for help. Its not an easy thing to work through, but I really am trying and gradually getting better. Anyway to the question part, there is another girl at my school that cuts herself (but openly people can see she does it unlike me) In class a while back another girl from my school who has been a good
christian all her life told me (in regards to the other girl that cuts) that if u do cut that u couldn't possibly be a christian. Is she right?

-girl needing guidance

Dear GnG,

I am sorry but I am not quite sure what cutting is...but I am going to bypass that and answer your question...and then some... Ok your question is can you cut and still be a Christian? Well, lets look into that...In my opinion yes! So don't doubt your faith because of an addiction. Although I would like to encourage you in quitting this addiction. I have a few friends that suffer from depression...so I am going to talk to you like a close friend and try to uncover truths that at first may hurt but will help you to see your need for Him (God) ...Oh how I wish that I could remember all the references to the verses I knew on this subject...but I know I will misquote them all so I am just gunna wing it!

Any time you have an addiction you are saying to the face of God ''I need this and I wont be able to live without it'' while God is saying to you ''come my child be filled with me and have peace'' The only way to curb our 'need' of anything is to be filled with him and allow him to make us complete...nothing else can. As far as your depression...I am not sure what type I haven't talked to you enough but any type of depression starts with a lie...one little lie that you, not at first, but eventually fall for ...then another and another pretty soon you are believing that your life, job, family aren't enough anymore...you need something else so you turn to something else....or you try to end all the things that aren't enough....in your question I saw the words ''I am trying to find strength in myself to stop'' I think that pretty much sums up my point...you aren't going to find strength in yourself because the devil is bigger then you but you know what there is someone even bigger who does have the strength to overcome anything!!! and I don't think its hard to guess who's name I am going to utter...but it is Jesus Christ himself!!...I don't know if I am totally missing the mark here or not because I don't know your situation...but if I am coming anywhere close I hope that this will encourage you to turn to God...

Stephie
My life is so hard. I'm trying to live for God.... I REALLY am! But it's hard with all the pressure. I babysit around 30 hours a week (sometimes longer)play sports, guitar, and everything. I want a better.. wait I want A devotional life with God. But I just can't find the time. I want to be a better christian too. It's just so hard with all my friends that I have. Most of my friends ARE christians.. They just don't act like it. Like me now. Do you have any advice on how to be a better Christian and have a stronger devotional life?

-Stephie

Stephie

you sound like my sister ALOT! she has a tendency to...over book herself...let me explain. She has 6 hours of music lessons a week about 12 hours of practice (if your keeping track that is 18 hours of JUST MUSIC!!!) then she has her church commitments (8 now we have 26) school (about 50 so now we have 76) then the her attempt at a social life (maybe 4 so 80) her band practices (3 so 83) then soccer ( 2 so 85) and that is just off the top of my head! so how is she going to fit...sandwich...SQUEEZE God into it? Well I will tell you one thing. God does NOT like to be squeezed. He wants us all of us not just some spare time that we accidently stumbled upon...So you are asking me..'How do I fit God into my life' I can answer that ...but I also want you to consider...how can I make my life fit in with God.. Don't you think he would appreciate us being SOOO obsessed with him that we barley have time for the world?? ...ok so I will answer your question..but keep thinking about mine...I call it devo's on the go (a great new pill...just kidding) you have babysitting? 30 hours a week...now in 30 hours is there ever a time it is at night? when the kids are in bed? or during nap time? bring your bible and spend some time there...do you have a chore time at home? say your cleaning your room...alone...hmmm...how about having that as your prayer time? I like to get up early every morning and go jogging...then I have 20 minutes of uninterrupted time to just talk to God. Or you could always make time!

hope this helps

-molly

Sorry that silmarwen didn't answer this one if you want her just send in a complaint and I will have her answer it...I am just trying to catch up on all the questions for her.

Dear Silmarwen,

This might sound dumb, but how do we
know that Christianity is the religion God wants us to be? There are so
many religions out there it's hard to understand which one is the right
one.

-Emma

Dear Emma,

No, that doesn't sound dumb. If you want to know if Christianity is the correct religion, start reading your Bible more often. God tells us in Revelations not to add to the Bible, some religions have added their own books to the Bible. Other religions don't believe that Jesus was the Messiah. Read the book of Luke, and the book of John, and you'll know he was.

-Silmarwen

Note from molly: Hey, I have MANY times question this! but look at all the religions out there...what are they based on? the answer is Works! ? Since God is perfect he cant except anything imperfect into heaven. Now look at yourself. Well because I have yet to meet a perfect person I doubt that you are. The only religion that shows any hope for sinners is Christianity! which is purly GRACE!!

Silmarwen,

I just asked something like 5 seconds ago, but one more thing. I want
to tell people about God, but I don't want to seem overly eager to tell
them. I just want to kind of be casual about it but get them
interested. Any ideas?

-Jesus Freak, again

Dear J.F.,

Have you tried inviting them to your church or youth group? That's always a good thing. You could pass out pamphlets with stuff about the Bible in them, or show your non-christian friends your favorite christian band. I hope these ideas help!

-Silmarwen

Note from molly: OH, OH, OH!! my FAVORITE TOPIC!!! I just love the domino magic to Christianity! Where you hear and then you wanna go tell! well a great website (I got it at a dare2share conference that was WOUNDERFUL!!) is www.dare2share.org! they have all sorts of ideas to get you started. But a good one is 'do  you believe in heaven and hell' and ask 'where they think they are going and why' then after you allow them to share...share what YOU think! go to my website ( www.freewebs.com/ask-molly) and go to the salvation page I have a thing on there...just memorize the bold and it will give you an outline for when your shaking in you boots trying to not diminish or mess up the death burial and resurrection of Christ!

hey. Let me tell ya a lil' about me. I'm
14 and i moved to Belgium eaxactly a year and 2 months ago from
Atlanta, Georgia. In Georgia my family and i had a lovley church home, went
every Sunday morning, and then i never missed youth group. But then we
moved, and there are 3 English churches that are Christain. Anyways, we
still havnot found a new church home. Then there are my friends, who are
from all different aspects of life. one or two go to church, and some
are buhdisht and/or muslem, and some arewhat my mom calls a bad
influence(my boyfriend smokes pot)ANYWAYS... since i moved here i have i guess
'lost my faith' now i hate whenever people talk about religions and i
hate when we go to church (which is not that often anymore) and i never
pray or read the bible. yeh i have smoked and i cuss and stuff but
again im gettin off topic. My question(s) are:
1) Am i still a 'good' chrstain even thought i dont go to church an'
stuff?
2)is it normal for people my age to kinda 'loose faith'?
3)how do i have a better relationship with god without feeling all
fake? like i tried to pray and read the bible but i didnt have the right
modivation, i guess and so it didnt seem fun or real, just fake-ish

-Avery

Avery,

1)all right being a 'good christian' will never get you to heaven it is the faith in the fact that the Lord Jesus Christ has saved you from you sins! Going to church is so that you can fellowship with other believers and so that you can grow in your faith in Christ. Good deeds will get you rewards in heaven....and it is your way of thanking God for all he has done for you.

2) is it normal to 'lose your faith'? I dont know...but I think everyone doubts it. But you cant say that its alright for you to lose your faith simply because everyone esle does.

3)didnt have the right motivation? from what I understand you are truly seeking!! (I can just almost hear a preacher in a thick southern accent and yelling 'halelujah!'....being a southerner myself!!) But what I would do is start talking to God...dont call it praying... cuz that seems to make him sound impersonal...now I am not saying that he is not so great and wounderful that he doesnt deserve to be spoken of in reverence...I am just saying that he is so personal..that he knows everything about you...he is there in your thoughts your dreams...and he sees your sins...but even through all that he sent his ONLY son to die for you because he loves you that much!! I mean if that isnt enought to make you want to love him more I dont know what is!! The bible says his eye is on the sparrow! he sees when every little bird dies and he feels compassion!

Avery....I know that faith isnt something you can buy off the infomercial that has played for the thousandth time...and it isnt something that happens over night either...we cant do it on our own... We have to ask him for his help...to make us WANT to love him...and enjoy it!! and dont feel fake becuase if you truly love him..and want to know him that isnt fake at all! If you still feel unsure about all this...email the T.G.F. editor and either Liz or Rachel will talk to you! (I would ask for Rachel though becuase she has been the one to struggle the most with doubting her faith and has made a great recovery thanks to the help of the Lord Jesus Christ)

-Silmarwen 

Recently I got colored contacts and my friend, a Christian too, said that I looked fake and I wasn't supposed to look like that. I don't feel it is a big deal. So, when should
Christian teens draw the line?
-Kat

Kat,

well...I wouldnt say there is a real line like "pink or red lipstick" its more like what your motive is! If you got the contacts because you wanted people to notice you and you thought you would get more attention...it is wrong. But if you are only doing it because you like the thought of blue eyes over green then it is ok. Just make sure when you do anything you are doing it for God not unto man.

-Silmarwen

P.S. sorry it took soo long I didnt realize I had gotten this one

Hi,I've been struggling with my faith a lot .I've been doubting that there is a God .I feel really low all the
time. Sometimes I lash out at my mom and sisters. My older brother is gone for the summer. He was my source of encouragement.

-Gretchin again.... P.S. what you wrote last time really helped!

Hey Gretchin,                                      

First off, I am really glad to hear from you again...except I wish it were on a lighter note! Seems like you are dealing with some things that I am just getting over and just starting to have. First lets deal with the doubting your faith: this is something I think at one point everyone is going to deal with. For me it was "what if Christianity isn't right and hinduism is...or judaism"  And really the thing that has made me more confident in my faith is to continuously talk with God. I find that the more I talk to him like a friend coming over to visit and less like a far away imaginary being the more I feel his presence!!! Now I will catch myself sitting there and just talking... to God!! and praising him asking him for advise, help and guidance!! it is amazing! so just those little conversations have turned into a life-changing experience!

and as far as your brother goes, I have a sister going away for a year (she is touring with LAM) and my best friend is going off to school so I felt like my sister would have to be my best friend ( we were really close already but this was supposed to bring us closer) and she wont be here for me! I almost felt like crying when I thought about it! But then I found myself having another little chat with my creator, this time I was asking HIM to be my best friend when my friends of this world wouldn't be able to be around as often! and you know what I KNOW he will be more then willing to be there for me! and I can talk ANY time I feel lonely and discouraged!

so long story short what I would do is: 1. Strengthen your relationship with God 2. with your new found faith ask God to be there for you when you are feeling "on your own"

hope this helps

-Silmarwen 

Dear Silmarwen,

I have lots of friend and my dad says I
cannot follow them all my life, and that I need to find someone who
believes in God and help me on the way.

luv, tiger

Dear Tiger,

Your dad has a very good point, Tiger. You do need friends who believe in God, friends who will help you grow and not try to get you to do things that dishonor God. It's good to have non-christian friends so that you can witness to them, but you do need Christian friends.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,

I'm so emotional all the time, it’s like
I keep it all
bottled up inside of me, and then I get overwhelmed and it just comes
out
like a waterfall. I can never let it all out; I'm scared to share my
heart
with even my family. 

-Kitty

Dear Kitty,

Have you ever considered teenage hormones to be the problem? The reason for hormones is that your body is beggining to mature. It's natural, so don't worry.     You say you don't want to share your heart with your family. Well, there's someone in your family who's dying to hear it. Your Heavenly Father. So take some time to pour out your heart to him. He asks you to in his word. Talk to him, He will help. Also, reading His Word on a regular basis will help you, too. 

-Silmarwen    

Dear Silmarwen

I'm very depressed I've had suicidal thoughts. Please help me. -Gretchin

Dear Gretchin,

I have known many people who have suffered from depression and have attempted suicide. Fortunately for some of them it didn't work. Now they are living and have recovered from their depression with the help of friends and family. Now I don't know exactly why your depressed...maybe it is because a friend has moved on or maybe a family issue but whatever it is suicide is in NO WAY the answer. If it is because you don't feel loved DONT BELIEVE THAT LIE!!! Because that is all it is...a lie. You are loved by your creator and all those around you. The bible says you are fearfully and wonderfully made taking that wonderfully made life away is like destroying any project someone has put time and effort into times 1,000,000,000!!!

Think of all the hurt you would leave behind when you go. Consider taking some counseling either at your school, or if your homeschooled talk to you medical doctor he would be more then happy to help you. Please I would love to counsel you my self or even just take some time and talk to you. Go ahead and email the editor and put in the subject "gretchen" and I will personally respond to all of your letters.

-Silmarwen

P.S. Me and God Love you!!

P.P.S. The entire T.G.F. staff and members will pray for you in the days to come!!

Dear Silmarwen,

How can our world be so cruel?
-KayKay

Dear KayKay,

The answer to your question can be found in the book of Geneses, in the old testament. In the first few chapters of this book, man sins for the first time. Because they sinned, they were thrown out of paradise, and doomed all mankind to be born with sin in their hearts. Because of this sin, some people enjoy watching others suffer, or inflicting pain on animals. It's a terrible thing, I know, so pray for the world every day, that mankind will remember the Garden of Eden.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen.

 I'm so desperate for help. I really don't know what should i do now. It seems that life is so
miserable right now. I know that as a Christian and that I belong to a
child of God, I must not have the intention to stop living this life that
God has given it to me. It is because of nightmares of my past (my bad
childhood), i have become so insecure and fear of sleeping. Please
advice me ...thank you...

-Desperate

Dear Desperate,

Well, I would suggest that you seek counseling. Find a good Christian counselor, and set up appointments for yourself. Also, talk to your parents about it, or grandparents, or your youth pastor. But most of all, pray for God to heal your fears and insecurities. Try listening to Christian music, and reading the Bible every day, this may help also. I will pray for you that your fears will leave you and never return. 

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen,

I need friends, to be around people my
age! Lets start at the beginning, I am home schooling this year, my BEST
FRIEND that I have ever had moved away and I can't call her very often.
She knows just how to make me feel better and she's gone so I really
have no one to comfort me! 4 of my animals died in one whole month now I
only have one left! People in my church keep getting sick or something
tragic happens to them or their family! My cousin's house caught on
fire! And my sister is having trouble making friends at school! Our youth
group at church has only me and about three other girls! And those
girls are all cousins and don't include me in everything they talk about. There
is another girl who comes and her brother too but they only come on
Sundays and never on Wednesdays and that's when we have youth group. I
just need one friend that will be faithful and true and kind and
preferably a Christian. I need prayer mainly!
TTYL (TALK TO YOU LATER)
~*All this sadness came too quickly!*~

Dear ATSCTQ,

This is a lot for a girl to handle! First of all, you could try praying, and reading the Bible for comfort. Also, you could try some different Christian forums, like the one on this site, to meet Christian girls in your area. Some good forum are http://www.barlowgirl.net . you could try these forums. Also, try talking to your parents, or an other trusted adult, about your problem, or try getting to know that girl who only comes on Sundays. But also you need to remember that God loves you, and works everything together for good.

-Silmarwen

thanks Silmarwen for your advise. I
can't afford to see a counselor. It's very costly over here. I don't live
with my parents and it is actually my grandparents that are supporting
me, bringing me up... What should i do? I did tried listening to
Christian music but that doesn't seems to help... Hope to hear from you
soon...

-Desperate

Dear Desperate,

Well, you don't HAVE to go to a counselor. You could talk to your pastor, or your youth pastor. You could talk to your grandparents, or another trusted adult, too. And, as I said before, pray and ask God to help you. Read the Bible, attend a youth group at your church, get good Christian friends. Things like this will help.

-Silmarwen

P.S. I'm praying for you, too. 

Dear Silmarwen,

I am a christian but I am not acting
like one. How do I act like one.

-God's kind of Life

Dear GKOL,

Well, how is your spiritual life? Do you spend time talking to God daily? Do you have regular quiet times in His Word? All these things will help. You could try talking to your youth pastor, or parents, too. But no matter what, don't forget to always try to pattern your life after what God says a girl should be, not what the world says a girl should be.

-Silmarwen

Dear Silmarwen

Are christian girl teens supposed to flirt to get guys attention?  And also why are christian girls not supposed to date non-christian
guys?
-blondegirl156

Dear BlondeGirl156,

No, it is not alright to flirt for attention. You never want to get a guy's attention in a way that could suggest that you're a girl who will have sex before marriage. You need to save your body for your future husband, that may not sound like fun, having to wait and all, but it's worth it. And if you're a christian, the reason you don't date non-christian guys is because the Bible tells us not to. It says that for a christian and a non-christian to be together would be like putting a wimpy ox and a strong ox on the same plow. it wouldn't work very well, would it? Also, a non-christian guy will be more likely to lead you into temptation than a christian boy. I hope this helps you, if you want to get a second opinion, check out the advice sites on the links page.

-Silmarwen