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NAVIGATION
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Andrew's Decyphering of the "Ugly Duckling"
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The Ugly Duckling, we read to our youth. But really, what message is it
sending? http://hca.gilead.org.il/ugly_duc.html has the story of the ugly duckling, written in 1844.
Now the 1st paragraph is simply boring, describing the area. But the
main detail that gives way to my final conclusion of this story is
where the mother talks about the largest egg, mucho differnto from her
other eggs. Hmmm.
The next paragraph virtually says, well screw tryin to make them normal like you, let them to DIE!
Now to make a short story short, this "duck " isnt like all the other
ducks, and of course they hate him cus hes well ugly. Fat, ugly, left
to die. So he goes on his journey, and finds some beautiful birds,
still being ugly, and finds ut that, POP hes beautiful.
Now, obviously the ugly duckling was in the closet and didnt wunt to
come out of his shell. When he found people like him, he became
beautiful. Who else thinks that swans are girly birds? Yah. This bird
is a gay bird in my opinion, who went from ugly and disliked, to loved
by all people, female or male. Hmmm, not gay, bisexual perhaps. Or
maybe, since hes become a girly man swan, hes actually a metrosexual.
Or maybe all of these are right. This is why "The Ugly DUckling" is a
sick story promoting gays, bisexuals and metrosexuals that shouldn't be
put in childrens books.
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Andrew's Dicyphering of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf"
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Everyone knows the story; kid cryed wolf couple times while tending to his flock, people got flustered and finally ignored him. Then a real wolf comes, people don't listen and his sheep get eaten. The end. Moral; lie and you shall be punished, pretty much in a nut shell.
But when you really look at it, face the facts. This kid was all alone, tending to a flock of sheep all day long. No human interaction, nothing. Stuck there with nothing to do other than watch sheep. Only things he can interact with are sheep, and animal *** isn't a good thing. Sorry.
So can you really blame this guy for wanting to socialize? NO! He can't really meet people, go into town. Only way is for everyone else to come to him. Course no one does unless forced to, so maybe this guy is gay. Or weird. But he obviously was lonely, had no life and was looking for human interaction. I don't think we can actually use this story as a you did something bad story, I mean, you would do the same thing when ur surrounded by sheep all. BAAA.
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For years the Trix Rabbit has been pissing people off with his annoying quest for Trix.Hes tried everything from joining "Backstreet-Sync Queers" (my name for the boy band), ice skating, surfing, and even his own mystery series. But really, is it his fault? As one of contributers to "WOW" has pointed out, its not his fault; its the CHILDREN! Why won't they give him a box of cereal? The American public is in an outcry these days to FORCE thos gay kids into giving him the Trix. Amazingly, if the commercials would let him get it, theyd probably sell more cereal! Hmmmmmm. But is it really just about the chesey advertising campaign, or is there something more to the madness?
Upon begining my research I came to realize Trix is not made by Kellogs; this jumped their stock up pretty high for me. Turns out it was those geniuses over at General Mills who have come to anger the public with their bad, annoying advertising campaign AND cereal. And heres what the site says; "There is a reason Trix rabbit is alwasy trrying to get his hands on great-tasting Trux ceral. He just cant resisit those fruity flavors-raspberry red, lemony lemon, orangey orange, wildberry blue, grapity purple and watermelon. Trix is also a good source of calcium, making Trix a fun and healthy way to start the day."
Wait wait wait, hold the phones; its healthy?! If its healthy, why can't the rabbit get some?! Hes trying to stay healthy! And another thing, what kind of a name is orangey orange?! All the flavors have 2 words in their name cept watermelon. Whats up with that?! Theri freak'n racist against watermelon! Can they not do something so simple as name it "watery watermelon" to go along with their other gay names?! I mean, purple gets grapity, so shouldn't it be like watermelony aqua-on-the-side-of-green? Or something?
Ok back to the main point. The kids are definately a pain in the @%#, but couldnt he just go to the GROCERY STORE? I mean, unless the kids are always hangin out down there patroling the cereal isle, it seems lik he should easily get some. And what dot the kids have against him eating healthy? (supposebly). It just doesnt add up. And another thing, how can they never see through his costume until he does something stupid? I guesse we'll justy have to wait till their next gay line commercials comes out to see if they General Mills people get it through their heads.
But even through the stupidity, Andrew has a new commercial to change the whole face of the cereal; The rabbit eats it and becomes a crazed pshycopath (not that he already isnt) and goes crazy to try and get his hands on the cereal, more than he already does. Hes eating and eating, and now the kids have to do an actual civic duty and make him calm down his eating habits, pleaseing the public, instead of doing new versions of the same thing, pissing the world off. This would also start a whole new line of commercials with added interest, probably even news spots and newspaper articles about the changes in the commercials, about the way the rabbit FINALLy got to try it. I'll one up ya, he hates the cereal.
If only Andrew ran the zoo.
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Almost as startling as the Trix commercials, General Mills' Lucky Charms commercials are advertised anywhere and everywhere. These commercials sport a leprecaun runnning away from the gay stalker kids. This commercial promotes kids to stalk people. It even promises them candy everytime they capture someone!
Eventually he gets caught everytime, and he's always forced to give up his new flavored charm. Who nos what happens to him next! All we know is that the kids realease him before the next commercial. And that is retarted in itself! Lucky always manages to come up with a new marshmellow, so why do the kids let him go everytime! Aren't they smart enough to realize that they are going to have to catch him all over again! They could just keep him as their slave and keep all Lucky Charms' profits. And then we could argue about what that promotes.
On the commercials they always show Lucky being a good sport after getting caught. But what is the real story? My thought is that they are only forcing him to say that. Because, those kids decide his fate. So if Lucky screams for help, he might find himself in Castle Mendeelev. Sorry.
All I know is that Lucky's tried everything to get away. He made a whole amusemant park to distract the kids so he could get away. But was that good enough for them? Nooooooooo. They wanted his new charm. Don't they know that leprecauns have feelings too? |
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Bob Dance - Where Everybody Dies
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That's my beautiful granddaughter! Those words are burned into everyone who sees Bob Dance's commerical's mind. This is Bob Dance's only selling point, he really doesn't say how he'll give you the best price, or even what the prices of his cars are. He just has his granddaughter say, "Bob Dance, where everybody rides!" and then he'll respond, "That's my beautiful granddaughter!"
Sometimes he'll mix it up. He'll shoot himself outta a cannon. Have a retard submarine commander walk in aimlessly. Even aim the commercial at his dog. Sometimes he bases the hole commercial on his granddaughter, without saying a word about his dealership at all! One commercial he had his granddaughter dancing in a circle for about 30 seconds, and then at the end he cut in, that's my beautiful granddaughter!
And another thing! The parents of the alleged 'Gracey Dance' must really need money, since they're letting their daughter be the postergirl for grandpa's stupid car dealership.
These are the most annoying commercials ever, and I've grown to hate both Bob Dance and his granddaughter. Maybe one day, Gracey will get tired of hear how she's his beautiful granddaughter and will change her line. "Bob Dance, where everybody dies!" |
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