There once was a man from Tibet. He went and sat on the shet. You know.

He quickly got up and spanked a rabbit. How'd that get there. Darn. Anyways, he decided to go to the pool. A neud pool. Who keeps ******* adding this stuff! GeeGollyBoy!

When he jumped into the pool he landed on an old lady, losing his pants. The raft broke. He bought her a new 1.

On the way home from the pool he was hit by a taxi. he almost died.

At the hospital he had a mean doctor who stabbed him with a hypodermus needle. He felt better.

The doctor suggested he go and take a shower. so he did.

When he got out of the shower there stood the rabbit, the old lady, the doctor, david, david's close family, kaleb with a parrot on his shoulder, a herd of lutherans, josh jan***** and his third sock, a group of mimes doing Bill Clinton impersonations, some crickets and they were happy because they were high on opium.

Suprised and embrarassed by the group of people standing in his bathroom, he stated to back away. he then tripped over the wall of the bathtub and fell in. he drowned. 

Kris Kringle lives in the north pole. Hes an eskimo. A naomadic eskimo. Who delivers carrots to the whole world with his mind powers. So one Bank Day, the day he sends out hose carrots, he rides on his elephant to New Zealand. All the people are mean there and they eat ostrich. So when they get the carrots there like " What the ****?!" and throw them at the fish in a barrel. Who eats them. BUT THE CARROTS ARE POISONED! So the fish is rejuvinated and starts breaking out of the barrel only to find that he flounders around. But he has developed special mind powers that allow him to eat parsley, without actually needing parsley. So he uses this power and still dies. But anyways, Kris is like, **** they figured me out. But the people start to like the carrots and eat them all, including Carrot Top! So Kris is like, shoot i'm a dumb ***. So as he starts to run away he gets knocked over by a steam roller. He knew what was coming, a trip to the shower head. But he townsfolk spare him and throw him to a lion. Fourtanetly he delivers they lion carrots and the lion helps him out. He then takes out his sword, and calls out his army. So out come the dragonflys. But their really guys in bear costumes. Eating apples. And oysters. And elvis. They start to attack the townsfolk and all of New Zealand is destroyed. Darn, I liked that place too. So Kris and his dragonfly army turn evil and go help EVIL. But their discluded from the show and no one knows about them. Which is about the time they attack North Dakota. Now these people are already being shunned for taking in Mr Buddy from refuge (long story) (told later) and the rest of the US cant hear them cry. But out comes this one farmer with a giant patch of corn, and its good. So everyone eats it and it makes everyone happy. Wait, what happened to New Zealand? Who cares. What about the shunning? They gave candy to the people and it was forgotten. What about Mr Buddy? Thats explained later.

THE END

Wait wait wait! Someone has got to be hung. So this guy in Canada was hung on a shower head cause he was a ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

a candy man that sold asparagus! Yeah, thats it.

THE END!

Back in 2000, there was this man named Mr. Baubddedfyg. He was considered nice and layed back, but 1 day he was egged by Crazyman Joe, during the chronicles of Joe. This made people very happy. But Baubddedfyg was not happy, so he threw a tomatoe at Joe. Joe was hurt, and so was the people. Baubddedfyg was sent to Tomatoe Jail. But he breaked out with the help of the dead fish that could make parsley without there being parsley!

So Baubddedfyg moved to Florida and "supposebly" worked at a school in Miami. Then he worked at Jackson Heights and made kids real mad. Then he got demoted and went to a school in Fringle. There he did the worst thing you can possible; he ate escargot on a Friday in December while playing tennis at a mens club with no men! It was horrible! So he was shunned by everyone!

Thats when it happened; he moved to North Dakota because a nice man in a jail took him in. but the man was put to death and Baubddedfyg was back on his own. Thats when he moved in with a farmer who made corn. No realli, he actually made it. With a food processing machine. And a computer. He didnt no how to use the computer, but he liked it a lot. So Baubddedfyg learned the ways of corn making and he was an expert. When his name showed up on the label, all on North Dakota was shunned.

And this is when Kris Kringle and all those other people showed up and destroyed the state. Of course his farm was the reason it ended. Then North Dakota was shunned no more!

But Baubddedfyg was a different story. He was moved to indonesia with a war train and sent into a prison. Quickly using normal spoons and tinfoil, as well as chicken bones, he escaped into the city.

There he was hung on grounds of being on off grounds in a shower, and he is forever known as the man who did a lot of odd and assorted stuff. 

Bob walked down the street, which was empty despite it being rush hour. So he decided to cross the street. But he didn't look both ways! So a car jumped out of the bushes and ran him over. This made Bob mucho mad. So he got up, and ran for the hills. There he met Joe, the hobo of the hills. Joe was a mime, and this was the main reason no one wanted to go to the hills. Because no one like the mime. But anyways, Bob began to learn the art of being a mime from his newfound friend Joe. He soon became the most talented pantamime in the land. So he left the hills and went back to his home to showcase his talent. But sadly, no one liked his talent. He would follow people around and put them in imaginary boxes. The townsfolk soon became annoyed, and formed the Maple Street Mob. They lit their torches and grabbed their pitchforks, and they drove Bob back to the hills where he belonged. He came back to the place he was before, and got reaquainted with his old pal Joe. "Gosh darnit Joe," Bob said, "Everyone hates me being a mime." Joe didn't say anything, he just put Joe in an imaginary box. "Hey that's it!" Bob said, "Instead of putting myself in imaginary boxes, I'll put my self in real boxes! I'll be a contortionist!" Joe clapped his hands in joy. So, Bob found a box, and after much work, he managed to fit himself inside it. "I'm inside the box!" Bob exclaimed. Joe locked  the box, and kicked it down the hill. Then he did a dance. Bob was stuck in the box. And there he stayed, for 3 years. He got so lonely in his solitude, that he made up a three-inch tall imaginary friend. He was frequently bored and his back was starting to hurt. Eventually a man came along, opened the box, and saw Bob. "Die zombie!" he screamed, and he locked the box and kicked it further down the hill. "I'm so lonely." Bob said. "Let's sing a song!" his imaginary friend said. Two million years later the box was fossilized. And some excavators found him. "Ah....contortionist. Nope. Toss it." One of the excavators tossed the box down the hill, where a man named Hoit found it, sold it, and made a million bucks. The box with Bob in it is now in the museum of Natural History in Washington. Being ignored by everyone. But then a comet hit Earth, the ozone layer left, the sun exploded, and a neuclear war started. So everyone died. 

A long time ago (1st grade) I lived in Montana. We were poor and owned a farm. We were so poor I didn't have boots to wear in the snow. That hurt.

So 1 day i was walkin along to school when this hobo comes up to me, notices I have no boots, and says "I know how you can get some boots for your feet." So ask him how, and he says "I'll show you."

So we walk along and theres this 2nd grader with his dad, and of course he has boots. So the hobo says "Take the jump rope in your back pack (which I carried) and strangle that kid." So I do as he says. Now I was strong and easily got him in a position where I could take the boots and he'd never know it was me. Of course, the fact that his dad was right there, didn't help. So the hobo jumped out and took down the dad, knockin him out, Finally the kid fainted (not dead) and dropped the boots.

We ran and I hid in a trash can, but the hid behind a trash can on the other side. The police arrived quickly and looked around, finding the hobo. (Thats all the father/child said was involved, for they never saw me.)

Once the danger had passed, me and my new boots went to school. When I was asked why I was so late, I said I had been to cold to walk until a stranger gave me the boots. The kid came in who I had strangled, and they were  returned to him unfortunately, but I wasnt charged with it, it was said the hobo stole them (tee hee). The school and the area started a Boot Fund for me, and soon enough we had money enough to buy boots, a house, and even my horse Lucky Duck.

And that my friends, is the true My Montana story.

So once there was this guy and his name was fred. So fred was just walking around in his yard in Czechoslovakia, when all of a sudden, BAM! he's hit by a rusty unicycle. The guy on there gets up and takes his pitchfork and is like "DIE ZOMBIE!" and kills our friend Fred. Wait, the story was about him. Please hold while we come up with a different story........................................................................................................................................

Okay, got it. So there's another guy. and his name was jak. So jack was walkin around New York City when suddenly this hobo pops out and waks jak on the head with a pipe. The hobo takes his money and is about to leave when this train comes and runs over the hobo. So jak wakes up, grabs his money and leaves.

He eventually finds a lake where this guy is fishing. Then a mad scientist jumps out of the bushes and turns into a cockroach and disappears. So then E.T. comes down and picks up the fish that the fisher guy just caught. The fisher didn't like that so he starts whacking E.T. on the head with the fishin pole. Jak found this very interesting, so he watched. Eventually E.T. starts yelling out "E.T. phone home!!!" So then his alein friends teleport him up into their ship where they plot their revenge...

The aleins decided to turn the world to a giant parking lot. So they aim their ray at earth. But jak always keeps a nuclear missile in his backpack, but that was in Canada, with the socialists. So he took the missile sitting in the bushes and just launched it at the ship. The alein ship fell to Earth.

So then the aleins are mad. So they come out of their ship and they aren't really that dangerous, because they waddle, so jak calls his army of leaches, that move equally slow, so he's like "****" and has to run into town to the nearest supermarket to buy a flamethrower.

So he comes back. Everybody's moved about an inch, so jak kills all the aleins, except for E.T., who he hung in a shower.    THE END

Wait, what about Grandma Oikins and the Spinach-Eating Penguin? Long story, told later. Buy your tickets now at Fandango!

There was once an evil goat with a menacing stare. He ran about his pasture all day eating grass. Then one day, he met a mailman. Not just any mailman. Okay, he was a mailman. Anyways, the mailman was a very nice man and a contortionist in his spare time. He decided to try and make the goat nice and joyous but he had many packages that needed delivering. So the goat gave him his package and the mailman went on his way.

Walking down the street, the mailman realized the package was addressed to the Great Pumpkin. Knowing that the Great Pumpkin was a fake  (!)  (!) he opened the package. Inside was a box. Being a contortionist, he couldn't resist. He began queezing himself into the box. Once securely inside, Samuel jumped out of the bushes and put a lid on the box and sealed it tight.

"Caught another 1 Joe!"Samuel screamed. Joe walked out of the bushes and took off his evil goat suit. "We make a great team!" Joe screamed happily.

Just then that dopey kid from "Peanuts" swooped down on the back of the Great Pumpkin which was obviously pulling the Easter Bunny's little red wagon with the Easter bunny in it. The Great Pumpkin walked over to Samuel and said "I'll be taking that." He grabbed the contortionist and rode into the sky once more. The Easter bunny was now stuck there so he just said "I'm a muffin man."

Samuel and Joe, both feeling satisfied with themselves walked torward the mountains which obviously contianed the leprecauns. But before they could get there, an angry vantrilaquist mob came and hund them on a shower head.

  The End    

Onec upon a time many a year ago, the Martians on Venus were very distraught; they had no slaves. They also had no leader. Without a leader, their clan had no purpose. With no purpose, they sat around and talked about the Partiots all day. Occassionally they grew some yams, but the Green Goblin usually ate them up.

Now, NASA was back down on earth developing a rocket in India. Spider lockhart had told them it was a bad idea, but who pays attention to grass growing anyways? So NASA built their rocket and named it the "DOUBLE POOPER." No one understood the name, not even some crazy koala named george. On one fateful day, the rocket blasted off from the Antarctic desert with a full load of flowers headed straight for Pluto. The Cookie Monster liked Pluto.

When the rocket reached Pluto there were no forms of life wut-so-evr. So Elton John began to plant his flowers there. Then sumhow the moon discovered J.K. Rowling and made her famous on the comet Haley. So everyone was happy. Until it happened.

All of a sudden things went bad. Elton John went bisexual. The flowers turned artificial. The cookie monster disapeared and no one remembered he existed. Haley exploded. J.K. Rowling wrote Harry Potter. The Martians forgot to invade Earth.

The cookie monster reappeared on Venus in the midst of the Martians. They liked his fur and praised him as god. Rowling attempted to assassin him, but the theory of relativity sumhow dissalowed it. Once the Martians were under the control of TCM, he led them to earth where they attacekd and created a cheesey film. TCM pretended he had nothing to do with it and joined a show with other convicts to stay low.

And thats why im affraid of bananas.