When I spanked my kids, I firmly believed that spanking was not the same thing as hitting. Since making the Biblically based, prayerfully considered decision to stop spanking, I have come to a different conclusion. This article will discuss the definitions of these words and determine whether or not they are truly synonymous.
Definitions:
Hitting: v.t. 1. To come against or in contact with, usually with impact or force. 2. To inflict (a blow, etc) 3. To strike with a blow.
Spank: To slap or strike, especially on the buttocks with an open hand as a punishment.
So, we see by the definitions that the only difference between spanking and hitting, is that with spanking the blow or strike is usually thought of as being delivered to a specific area of the body. Therefore, we have established definitively that spanking and hitting ARE the same.
It is contradictory when a spanker tells their child not to hit, then the spanker turns right around and hits their child for hitting. Let me see? "Do as I say, not as I do" seems to be the order of the day in this situation!
The "No Hitting" rule has 100% participation in our home. Dad and Mom are not allowed to hit. None of the children are allowed to hit.
Most toddlers go through a stage when they are not verbal enough to express their wishes, thus, they use physical means. This may include hitting, biting, throwing things, pushing, kicking, etc. The best thing a parent can do in the case of hitting is take hold of their child's hands and say firmly but kindly, "No hitting, we use our words to solve problems, not our hands." Then, encourage your child to express their need in a positive way. I will admit, it takes a child longer to learn this concept when you don't spank. However, the lesson sticks better once it is finally learned because of parental modeling.
Another thing we have done is a little rhyme:
Hands are not for hitting, NO!
Hands are not for hitting, NO!
Hands are for clapping (clap)
And hugging (hug self or parent)
And shouting (hands raised up)"hurray"
That's what hands are for today!!!!
My youngest daughter (who is 3 at the time of this writing) and is hitting less and less using this method. It really works!! She is also very compassionate and kind. She is not confused by mixed messages.
In Lou Priolo's book, "The Heart of Anger", he identifies 25 things parents do to provoke their children to anger. One of those is sending mixed or contradictory messages. Most people (with half a brain) teach their child that being bigger than another person does not give you the right to physically assault the other person. Yet, parents turn right around and use their bigger size to overcome and physically batter their child! Now come on, does this really make sense? Don't try to blame it on God either, because there is not one example of a child being hit in the Bible!
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