I woke up this morning to watch the sunrise. I never get tired of seeing it. But this time there is a sickening feeling as I witness the sun ascend, bringing forth a new day filled with the promise of hope. Soon these mornings will be nothing but memories and I will long to see the breaking of a new dawn. Soon I will be cast into a life of constant shadow and the deceitful embrace of moon light.
I think of the past. Rarely do I allow myself to dwell in the dangerous land of memories, but today I must. I need to feel strong and confident that I will continue to make the choices I believe in. I look back and resist the urge to scream. What I see, when I stare into that metaphorical mirror, is how I have grown. It is that inspiration that I need now more than ever.
I can no longer afford to play by the rules that I have grown accustomed to and, if I may boast, have mastered.
A decision needs to be made, I tell myself. If I wait too much longer it will be made for me, and then everything I have worked for and accomplished will be for nothing. I didn't allow myself to be controlled when I was a child and I'll be damned if I allow that to happen now.
A nervous laugh escapes my lips at the odd statement that floats through my thoughts: I'll be damned.
Well, I suppose in a short while I will. Am I ready? If not then I have no one to blame but myself.