For Domestic Violence Hotlines and other places to go for help, scroll down!
Today another woman died and not on a foreign field and not with a rifle strapped to her back, and not with a large defense of tanks rumbling and rolling behind her.
She died without CNN covering her war. She died without talk of intelligent bombs and strategic targets The target was simply her face, her back her pregnant belly.
The target was her precious flesh that was once composed like music in her mother’s body and sung in the anthem of birth.
The target was this life that had lived its own dear wildness, had been loved and not loved, had danced and not danced.
A life like yours or mine that had stumbled up from a beginning and had learned to walk and had learned to read. and had learned to sing.
Another woman died today. not far from where you live; Just there, next door where the tall light falls across the pavement.
Just there, a few steps away where you’ve often heard shouting, Another woman died today.
She was the same girl her mother used to kiss; the same child you dreamed beside in school. The same baby her parents walked in the night with and listened and listened and listened For her cries even while they slept.
And someone has confused his rage with this woman’s only life. -Carol Geneya Kaplan
Dictionary.com defines domestic violence as “acts of violence against a person living in one's household, especially a member of one's immediate family.” Many activist, feminist, and anti-violence groups broaden this to describe it as simply any act which uses violence, or the threat of violence or abuse, to control another person. It does not always involve beatings or physical violence, but always takes some form of control away from the victim. This abuse can range from, but is not limited to:
verbal abuse or threats
intimidation
keeping the victim from any outside contact
stalking
sexual abuse
physical abuse
Victims
Anyone can be made a victim, but the vast majority of victims are women, and it is usually men imposing these violent acts on them. This does not mean that all men commit violent acts, or that all women are victims of violence. Violence is also often directed towards children, minorities, homosexuals, the disabled, the elderly, and many other marginalized groups. Men can also be victimized, but the percentage of men who are made victims is extremely small in comparison to the percentage of women who are victimized. No matter who the perpetrator is, or who the victim is, it is never, ever the victim's fault. No one ever asks to be a victim, and no one ever deserves it.
Perpetrators
Most men are not perpetrators of domestic violence. It’s very important that all men are not labeled as potential perpetrators. Most men are pretty nice guys. This doesn’t mean that domestic violence isn’t an issue that men should take note of. We often consider domestic violence to be a “woman’s issue,” but this term is very misleading. In his book The Macho Paradox, Jackson Katz describes the “nice guy.” We can all name several "nice guys" we know, but the problem is that men often think it isn’t an issue they need to be concerned with because they are not the ones assaulting women. Men who are “nice guys” should be concerned about violence because every man has women in his life who he cares about: wives, grandmothers, mothers, sisters, daughters, aunts, and friends . If a man cares about a woman in his life, then a “women’s” issue is his issue as well.
"I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody."
-Lily Tomlin
Most people can think of a time they saw a man get defensive when the topic of “male violence” came up. Many men will claim that they do not commit violence, so it isn’t something that should be directed at them as an issue that requires their attention. But it’s very important for men to be aware of this issue; often, men who get defensive about it won’t listen to a woman talk about male violence on women - they might feel they are being accused of being violent simply because they are male. Some of these men, however, might listen to another man. Men who are willing to stand up against violence, and talk about it with other men, do much more to prevent violence than they might realize. Because of the social stereotype that men need to be strong and show a type of male solidarity, men are taught that they should not speak up against violence against women, even though if asked, many men agree that it is a serious issue. To effectively end domestic violence, both men and women must work together!
"Never
let the fear of striking out get in your way." George Herman "Babe" Ruth
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Statistics
1 in 4 women will experience some form of domestic violence during her lifetime.
Young women age 16-24 experience the highest rate of domestic violence - 16 per 1000 persons.
1 in 5 women and 1 in 33 men have experienced an attempted or completed rape.
In 2000, 1247 women and 440 men were killed by an intimate partner.
On college campuses, 90% of rape victims know their assailants.
Of those victimized by an intimate partner, 85% are women and 15% are men. In other words, women are 5 to 8 times more likely than men to be victimized by an intimate partner.
The vast majority of domestic assaults are committed by men. Even when men are victimized, 10% are assaulted by another man. In contrast, only 2% of women who are victimized are assaulted by another woman.
African-American women experience more domestic violence than White women in the age group of 20-24. However, Black and White women experience the same level of victimization in all other age categories.
Approximately 40-50% of female victims are physically injured when assaulted by their intimate partner, accounting for over 200,000 visits to the hospital emergency room each year.
Only about half of domestic violence incidents are reported to police.
Studies have found that child abuse occurs in up to 70% of families that experience domestic violence.
40 to 60% of men who abuse women also abuse children.
If you or someone you know has been made a victim of domestic abuse and violence, it is important to remember that it is NOT your fault, and you are not alone.
If you need immediate help: call 911! If you cannot call 911, try to get to a safe place where you can!
In Oregon: CARDV’s 24-hour support line: 541-754-0110 or 800-927-0197 CARDV’s 24-hour emergency shelter: 541-754-0110 or 800-927-0197
In the US: The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 Feminist Majority Foundation Domestic Violence Hotlines and Resources (Many helplines are available here!): http://www.feminist.org/911/crisis.html
In the UK: Women's Aid Freephone 24-hour Domestic Violence Helpline: 0808-2000-247 Hidden Hurt Domestic Abuse Information (Many, many helplines are available here!): http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/Resources/helplines.htm
Want to quiz yourself on what you've learned? Take my quiz!
I created this site about a year ago as an activism project for a class I was taking about violence against women. It was the third "women's studies" class I had taken at my university, but the first one to really open my eyes and force me to see more of what was going on in the world around me. Like many of my classmates, I was once a victim of domestic violence. At the time, I didn't think much of the situation I was in; I thought that going through the situations and abuse was a testimony to the love I felt for the person who was abusing me. In fact, I didn't even realize that I was being abused until it started getting worse. I was lucky enough to get out of the relationship without any physical scars, although I had plenty of emotional ones. With the support and guidance of supportive friends and family, I have begun to heal. Not everyone is as lucky as I have been to have this support, and this is the reason I continue to keep this site up. It may not get updated very often, or get many hits, but it exists for one purpose: to help victims of abuse, wherever they may be, to find the help they need and deserve. My own experiences have taught me just how invaluable it is to know you are not alone, and that there is help out there. If you have found this site, I dearly hope it helps you find the help that you seek. I hope that you can find the courage to seek that help and above all, I hope you never forget that you are not alone in your struggle. Good luck to you, and remember... "The future depends on what we do in the present." - Gandhi