2. My butt is on fire.

3. “No Andrew, you can not have my staff ... look what you made me write... I’ll stop writing this down in a little whil

4. Boy Who Squats While Taking Pooh is not an Indian name.

5. If everybody in the government from the greatest to least power dies except for one, the Secretary of the Department of Agriculture becomes president.

6. Men need to be told things twice.  Men need to be told things twice.

7. Venison is deer meat.

8. Girls are like cockroaches; they’re everywhere and you can’t kill them.

9. You, like your father are now mine.

10. Revenge is never the answer.

11. West Nile Virus actually comes from east of the Nile.

12. Chris Johnson knows how to say, “I like pie.” in over fifty different languages.

13. 86.3% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

14. Dogs eat their own vomit.

15. A grizzly bear can rip open a car door.

16. Water is not blue.

17. Rubber is made from human hair.

18. Every human fetus starts out as a female.

19. I’m not addicted to drugs.  I just want them...and need them...and...

20. TreeHouse has a basement.

21. Richard Nixon has a biography called Big Fat Liar.

22. Don’t do needle drugs.  The only dope worth shooting in Richard Nixon.

23. The Pinto’s maximum speed is sixty-five miles per hour.

24. In New York it is illegal to have an ice cream cone in your back pocket.

25. Giant carrots used to rule the world.

26. There are three kinds of people in this world: those who can count and those who can’t.

27. Jose is actually balding.

28. Paul McCartney is actually a clone.

29. Heath Ledger is a flaming Homo Sapien.

30. Six angels can dance on the head of a pin.

31. Homer’s middle name is Jay.

32. There is a robot Jesus.

33. If a woman takes enough drugs during labor she can deliver the baby out of her nose.

34. Sue is not a boy’s name.

35. If evolution is true pigs will fly one day.

36. If some reptiles can change their gender, by process of elimination you can too.

37. In Florida there are some people that are so old that when they saw “Jurassic Park” it brought back memories.

38. girls = time + money                  

      time = money

      money = root of all evil

      girls = evil

39. I am a jelly donut.

40. i ain’t got no goot edjewmacation?so i kin substimitute words if i wanna,

41. The word “samba” means to rub navels together.

42. The international telephone dialing code for Antarctica is 672.

43. More people are killed annually by donkeys than die in air crashes.

44. A “jiffy” is an actual unit of time for 1/100 of a second.

45. The only fifteen letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

46. Pinocchio is Italian for “pine head”.

47. The United States has never lost a war in which mules were used.

48. Blueberry Jelly Bellies were created especially for Ronald Regan.

49. Non-dairy creamer is flammable.

50. A cat has thirty-two muscles in each ear.

51. Donald Duck’s middle name is Fauntleroy.

52. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

53. Dueling in Paraguay is legal as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

54. The first Ford cars had Dodge engines.

55. White Out was invented by the mother of Mike Nesmith (formerly of the Monkees.)

56. Charles Lindbergh took only four sandwiches on his famous transatlantic flight.

57. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks otherwise it will digest itself.

58. The Sanskrit word for “war” means “desire for more cows.”

59. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

60. A pig’s orgasm lasts for thirty minutes.

61. Big chief no fart.

62. The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during W.W.II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.

63. Scientists say one out of every four people are insane.  Ask three of your friends...

64. Think “honk” if you’re psychic.

65. The word “Checkmate” in chess comes from the Persian phrase “Shah Mat”, which means, “the king is dead.”

66. Cat’s urine glows under a black-light.

67. On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament Building is an American flag.

68. Canada is an Indian word meaning “Big Village.”

69. The symbol on the “pound” key (#) is called an octothorpe.

70. Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.

71. Charles de Gaulle’s final words were, “It hurts.”

72. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

73. “Aaron, I would argue with you about Andrew having ADD but I have to wash my hands one hundred times.”

74. Alexander the Great was an epileptic.

75. Napoleon constructed his battle plans in a sandbox.

76. John Lennon’s first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles.

77. No animals were harmed in the writing of this chapter.

78. A group of unicorns is called a blessing.

79. To “testify” was based on men in the Roman court swearing to a statement made by swearing on their testicles.

80. The first toilet ever seen on television was on “Leave It To Beaver”.

81. No toilets were harmed during the writing of this chapter either.

82. “What’s that big ugly thing on your neck Andrew?  Oh, wait that’s your face.”

83. Nuns have powers.

84. Accept dollars, not cents.

85. Andrew: “Did you hear that noise?”

      Aaron: “I don’t know.”

      Andrew: “Did I?”

86. Andrew: “We got here all thanks to teamwork.”

      Aaron: “Yeah...my teamwork.”

87. Mimes are scary.

88. Mary Poppins is Superman’s mother.

89. Elvis currently lives in Tennessee.

90. Moon is the Norse god of the moon.

91. Flowers don’t smell.

92. Santa: “Don’t like my flying call 1-800-NO-PRESENTS.”

93. Food goes in here.

94. My deep fryer can flash fry a buffalo in twelve seconds.

95. That rocket house has something wrong with its brakes.

96. I eat pencils that taste like bacon...or was it bacon that tastes like pencils?

97. You have a long lost brother named Phil.

98. Ralph Nader actually won the primary elections.

99. Oprah makes more money than the president.

103. Like I said, there are three kinds of people in this world; those who can count and those who can’t.