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sept9'08; 9:34pm
Change. My routine is always the same. School, homework, home for the weekend. That's all. I want to do more things...more exciting, challenging, and even scary, risky things. I finally started my design class last night, and my teacher is the lady who I always go to for advising. She informed all of us about studying abroad, and she highly suggests it. I thought about it and finally thought, why not? I've been seeing signs about it all over school ever since I was a freshmen but never thought about it. Tuition will cost the same, I won't have to beg professors to get me into all the damn full classes that always have at least 10 people more than it's supposed to, and I get to live in another country. Very exciting. I'm considering Brunel University, which is in London. Sounds so surreal that I can actually go to school in England. But of course I worry...am I strong enough to be so far from home, family, and Jay? I'm also very interested in the Disney College Program, and I'd love to do it in the spring semester and spend January til June there. I know that if I do either of these, it'll be such a change from how I live now. I need change, and what better way to do it? Being away from the bay area would be so different, and I'd love to see how things go. Los Angeles...London...here I come! ....maybe. ♥ Ellen | Email.  aug25'08; 2:23am Birthday! It was my birthday on friday, and here is how my day went. I woke up and debated over whether or not to go out to eat with my brother and some friends, but it kind of caught me off guard because it altered the original plans. After stressing myself out, which was completely unnecessary by the way, I was not in a good mood at all and I was so frustrated at everything. But my day started to brighten up a bit when hubz came over with roses and two giant princess balloons for me. After a while we left for the state fair in Sacramento, and the ride was super long, trafficy, and hot. We spent some time walking around and staying out of the heat, hehe, until an hour or so before 7:30. What was at 7:30? Vanessa Hudgens concert, of course! The only reason for my being at that fair haha. I wasn't even sure if I was gonna go but if she was in my area on the day of my birthday, it pretty much calls out my name. Something crazy happened before the concert that got me super hyped...we met Vanessa's mom and talked to her! I recognized her right away and we went to talk to her, and she was super nice and friendly and it was just really cool that we got to talk to her as much as we did. The concert started and it was amaziiiiinnnngg. I love her even more now, like 20x more than before! And I think now I might be losing my spot as hubz #1 girl, heh. After the concert we went to go talk to her mom again and we were hoping that she'd let us go backstage with her since we talked to her for a while beforhand, but of course we're not cool enough for that so we couldn't. Hubz was very lucky because she gave him her necklace, and so he has a piece of the concert that no one has. I was very sad and disappointed that I didn't get anything like that, especially since it was my birthday, but I tried super hard not to let it bring my day down because I really did have hella fun at the concert, but I still can't help but be sad about it. Overall though, I had lots of fun. I was singing along with all the words! And I sang them all the way home, too. After Sonics, that is. Twenty. I finally fully realize what it is that my mom kept telling me about growing up..dont rush it. I am officially no longer a teenager, and it made/makes me pretty sad. I'm pretty embarassed to be myself around everyone I meet at school because I'm so different. I'm still very child-like and I feel like I'm still 16 or something, while everyone around me seems to try to act so grown. Why do that when you can enjoy being young? Unlike many college students, I like being able to go home on the weekend and see my family. I can still be independent if I'm with my parents. Distance has nothing to do with it. I may be 20 years old, but I've still got plenty of growing up to do, and that's definitely not necessarily a bad thing. All I want is to be part of your weekend All I need is a little bit of your time Baby I'm your girl and I need some attention When you ignore me I just lose my mind ♥ Ellen | Email. aug18'08; 4:12am Sick. I know I'm not well. I know something isn't working right in my mind. I shouldn't be beating myself up and hurting so much just from looking at other people and comparing myself to them. I shouldn't be comparing myself to them in the first place. I should be happy. I should be content. But instead my mind just tortures itself, yet I can't control it to think otherwise. ♥ Ellen | Email. aug13'08; 3:58am Insomniac. So, it's really late right now...or early, depending on how you look at it. I have a final at 9 AM but I'm still awake, because I have sleeping problems and this is just another all-nighter. Thursday is my last day of summer school, and I am soooo glad. After a gruesome 9 units in only 5 weeks, I need a break. 9 units doesn't seem like a lot if it's the fall or spring semester, but when you have so little time in a summer semester, all the work is packed together. But it's weird because...I have A's in all 3 classes, and I never do that good during fall or spring. Maybe I work better under pressure. But anywho... August. Aside from school, August is really busy...in a good way! Last Saturday was Leon's cotillion, and it was crazzzyyy-amazing. I'm kind of sad to see those girls grow up because I've known them for so long as my babies, but I've gotta let em fly and leave the nest! This past Saturday was Mark and Rowena's wedding. I was very, very, very x10 nervous about going and meeting everyone but it turned out really good, and the ceremony was beautiful. Now, all Jay's cousin are taking my side and owning him to thee max, because he left me on the dance floor, hehehe. ♥ Ellen | Email. july29'08; 2:32pm Whutevaaa. I have jealousy issues, seriously. Busy bee. Homework...one assignment after the other. When will the madness end? August 14, that's when. And Leon's cotillion is this Saturday..I'm so excited! That little girl is all grown up. ♥ Ellen | Email. july26'08; 1:13am Crave. Sometimes I just feel like I'm not a normal girl because of how I am and how I think. And when things are left undone it makes me wonder if it's just simply not workin both ways. It makes me feel so incredibly unsexy, because compared to how things were before, I start to think that it's because I'm not as attractive as I used to be. It sounds pretty shallow, but this past year I've been working on feeling and looking better and I have lost a whole lot of weight and it makes me feel good, so I guess I assume that I wouldn't feel so unattractive. I begin to think that something's wrong with me, because he used to always be so willing to jump through any hoops necessary just to get any kind of moment with me in. It makes me wonder even more because I'm in San Francisco most of the time, so I kinda assume that any opportunity that's handed to us would be taken right away, and there aren't even that many of those...Yes, I overthink everything, this is just one of those things maybe. I just can't help but feel like I'm the problem and it's because of me. ♥ Ellen | Email. july21'08; 10:45pm Alba, J. I want to hate her because I'm so jealous of her beautiful face and crazy amazing body, yet those are the reason why I can't help but hate her. I finally watched The Eye, fully, and I must say, that she actually did a good job. That means a lot, considering that I was expecting it to be horrible. I have a love-hate relationship with Jessica Alba. It's my first night in a while where I don't have tons of writing to do. I just gotta tough it out for another 4 weeks and I can relax...for one week, and then start the Fall semester. Ughh. It's okay, I'm a trooper. Annnnnd, I must must must vow to eat healthier from now on and exercise more often, that is, if I wanna reach my goal of becoming a skinny-mini. ♥ Ellen | Email. july16'08; 11:50pm WTF, Back. Sooo, after over a year, I am back here. Since this place I've created Xangas and Blogspots, but the real reason why I am back to doing this old school HTML style is cuz I wanna make my own layouts and put codes where I want, and..drumroll...fanlistings! Because those things are oh so fun. I love joining em, but I kinda end up adding so many that I dont keep track of them. Very bad...Yhep. Anyways, hello. I'm taking summer school, 9 units in 5 weeks. What was I thinking? I'm sure it won't be thaaat hard, as long as I discard everything else in my life right now. Ughh. Whatev. You gotta do what you gotta do. Hmm..tomorrow is the freakin American Idol auditions here in San Francisco, and...what a coincidence, I cant go. Why? Suh-mer-school. What a killjoy. Well I'm off to add fanlistings. Yay! ♥ Ellen | Email. |