Sean Ruetten's Portfolio

I've added a new poem to the Poems section, obviously.  I might add another one later.

I think I'm gonna start working on this a bit more, organizing it, because currently it's a pretty big mess.  Just like my mind.  I'm thinking of moving to California.  But I'm not sure.  I'm gonna try to do adult modeling soon.  That should be awesome.  And yes, it is porn, and no, I don't care what you think about it.

Another year has fled.  Leaving only pain and bitter memories in it's wake.  I keep telling myself I'll be fine.  I keep telling myself, 'Just a little longer, till I'm better'.  I don't think I'm going to get better.  There is this poster that basically says Shit Happens in about a million different ways.  And it's really true.  Shit happens, in a bad bad way.  And usually, this 'shit' happens to me.  I can adapt.  It's easy to adapt.  At least easy for me.  Apparently other people don't deal with issues as well as me.  But I don't deal in a healthy way.  I either cut myself or I just lock everything up in my head.  Because beyond it all.  Beyond what I say.  Beyond what I want to believe; I'm an optimist.  Nothings going to change it.  I like the feeling that something good will come along and rip me out of my stupor.  It's such a good feeling to have, to hold onto.  Maybe that's why when tragedy strikes my life, or if something goes differently then what I expected I don't get to bent out of shape.  Because something else good will come along, and when that something goes away.  There is something else good to follow that.  Wow.  This entry ended in a different mood setting then where it started.

 Almost time for Halloween.  Hmm, though I'm wiccan, I've never once had a desire to use one of the wiccan holiday names for this day.  It's simply Halloween.  One of my favorite days of every year.  This year for my costume, we're going to be seeing an assortment of leather.  Starting tomorrow I'm going to be working out, eating healthy and meditating every day, to make me look better and feel better.  I'm going to be looking for a job in November.  I'm working on a new graphic for the site right now, I've come to the conclusion I'll never have the html abilities of Cori so whatever, more props to her.  She rocks.  Well peace out.  Updates will be coming soon, because I'm writing a book.

I haven't updated in the longest time.  Not that anyone reads this.  But alas it is time to delve into the current events of my life.  If only for my sake, you know.  As of late my life has been...odd.  School has begun again.  Though I have rarely attended it and as a result I am not likely to do good this year.  Rules have changed apparently, so I'm doomed.  I'm not that worried.  I think I have everything almost figured out.  I dunno, it's wicked confusing and I really don't know if I can translate onto the screen the agony I feel running through my veins, just underneath the skin.  If I stayed in school through January, it would merely be to have another go at the Write-A-Book Contest.  I feel, even though I haven't written much in the past months, that with my deadline approaching in a matter of hours that I could do much better.  Possibly first, who knows.  We'll see. 

It is said that good things come to those who wait, but what if I don't feel like waiting anymore.  I've waited so long for a chance to get out there and make something of myself.  Out where?  You might ask me.  If only I had the answer.  I don't have any of the answers I've learned.  I know a lot though, strange as hell I think.  Two more deaths.  This can't be normal.  Mom, Grandpa, Uncle who bothered me before but deserved not death, and a family friend who was sort of hella cool.  Wonder whose next...isn't that morbid.  No, that's not a question, for I already know the answer.  A great person, in my mind, once said 'To the well organized mind, death is but the next great adventure'.  Smart words.  True words.  But shouldn't you have time to see the first adventure through to the end?

Obsessions;  I have many.  I'm not ashamed.  I have an obsessive and addictive personality.  Can't help it.  And I don't think it hinders me.  But at times some of these obsessions stand out more pronounced then other ones.  Currently it is Natalie Imbruglia.  Her voice is amazing.  And Harry Potter novels.  Awesome.    I want the twinkle in my eyes back, Erin got her's back...where's mine?

My birth month is over.  It's time to update I think.  So I added something to the lyrics which I personally think is the best song I've ever written.  And a little something from awhile ago added to Entertainment Reviews.  Angels and Airwaves, actually.  Don't flame me.

So anyways, I went to get my ID today.  It did not happen, I needed a bunch more shit so I'm going back later.  Also; I'm running on no sleep.  It's not cool.  Maybe I'll be better if I have something to do.

New stuff added to the lyrics section.

So firstly we have a new template; it's pretty.

Secondly there is a new section; they are called lyrics.  Sung, rapped, spoken word.  They are not poems.  They are something else.  I like them; even if I don't know what to do with them yet.