A man walked into a bar. Ouch.
A man wanted a room at a hotel but the only room left was haunted. He wanted it anyway. When he turned off the light a voice said, " I gotcha where I want ya, now I'm gonna eat ya!." The man ran out screaming. Same thing happened the next night, and the next night, but this person hired a detective, when the detective turned out the lights and heard the voice. The detective turned the lights on and their was someone standing their with a booger on their finger singing "I gotcha where I want ya now I'm gonna eat ya."
A man walked into a pet shop and said that he wanted to buy a parrot. the cashier said that they only had 1 parrot left, and that it would repeat anything it has ever heard after it had previously heard it. The man agreed, and rushed the parrot outside to run some errands. First, they headed for the grocery store. On the way, the saw some workers bending over an open manhole, where a man who had fainted was. The men were saying, "cmon guys, pull him up, pull him up." the parrot remembers this. When they arrive at the store, three drunken men are standing at the meat counter yelling "baloney, baloney!" the parrot remembers this. Now they go to the city fair. They passed by a tent, and heard a man inside yell "you hit the big one, you win a prize!!!" the parrot remembers this. Finally, the pair travel to church. The priest inside says "the devil is down below" and the parrot responds, "cmon guys, pull him up, pull him up!" the priest gets angry but does nothing. he then says, "but God will always be with us" and the parrot replies, "Baloney, Baloney!" the priest gets extremely angry at this and chucks the microphone at the parrot. the parrot ducks, the microphone hits a fat lady behind the parrot, and he says "you hit the big one you win a prize!!!"
There were three people, Bob, Jim, and [your name here]. They all died and went to heaven. God said, well hello, welcome to heaven, you can do almost anything you want to here, but just make sure that you DO NOT step on the Purple Cloud. They all agreed and left. the next day, Bob comes back to God with a disgusting, totally not-hot girl. God said, "what happened" and Bob replied "I stepped on the Purple Cloud." The next day, Jim comes back with a disgusting, not-hot girl, and God said "lemme guess, you stepped on the Purple Cloud" and Jim responded "yep". the next day, [your name here] came back with a beautiful, perfect, hot woman. God said, "hey what happened???" and the girl said, "I stepped on the Purple Cloud..."
Dumb Blond Jokes-no offense to anyone
Three construction workers, a brunette, a red head, and a dumb blond were sitting on a building eating lunch. The brunette had turkey, he said, "I hate turkey" so he jumped off of the building and died. The red head had tuna " I hate tuna" he said. He jumped off of the building and died. Lastly the dumb blond had ham, "I hate ham" he said he jumped off the building and died. At their funeral the wives were mourning. The brunettes wife said, "I shouldn't have packed him turkey boo hoo hoo". The red head's wife said, "I shouldn't have packed him tuna boo hoo hoo." The dumb blond's wife said, "Don't look at me, he packed his own lunch.
A brunette, a red head, and a dumb blond were surrounded by the police. The Brunette yells "TORNADO!" and points into the distance. when the Police look, the Brunette escapes. Then the Red Head yells "HURRICANE!" and the same thing happens. Finally, the dumb blond points int the distance and yells "FIRE!" The Police Promptly shoot her.
A Brunette, a Red Head, and a Dumb Blond were running away from two convicts and they hide in a barn. The Brunette hides behind a bale of hay, the Red Head hides behind some barrels, and the Dumb Blond behind a sac of potatoes. The Convicts split up, and the 1st one arrives at he bale of hay. the Brunette immediately does a perfect imitation of a cat, and the convict thinks, " oh, it i just a cat, so I'll leave it alone. the 2nd robber goes to the barrels, and he hears a perfect imitation of a dog, coming from the Red Head. The Robber thinks, "oh it is just a dog, so I'll leave i alone. then both convicts meet at he sack of potatoes, at which time the Dumb Blond says, "potato, potato" doing a perfect imitation of a potato.
A brunette a read head and a dumb blond are on a deserted island 100 miles from shore. One day they decide to swim back to the shore, As it is their only hope. The brunette swims 25 miles, then gets tired and drowns. The red head swims 50 miles, gets tired and drowns. Finally the dumb blond swims 75 miles, gets tired, and swims back.
A brunette, a redhead and a dumb blond all went on a hunting trip. after they made camp, the redhead went camping. she came back a day later with a deer, and the dumb blond and the brunette are like "wow that is amazing, how did you do that?" she says " found tracks, follow tracks, BAM! got myself a deer." the same thing happens to the brunette. the blond finally goes out hunting and comes back a week later with tons of injuries. The redhead and the brunette say "oh wow, what happened?" and the dumb blond says "found tracks followed tracks BAM! got hit by a train!"