These are some poems I have written through the years. There aren't too many here so far. Please understand that while some of these may reflect hard times in my life, they are not all of who I am. I hope that since I trust you enough to give you the password to this that you will not judge me on this, and that you know that I am exposing myself completely by showing you this. Also, I decided to link some survey's (fun ones) that I've filled out on here too. Take a look if you'd like, you're at the poetry page already... You're more than welcome to browse these too.
I wrote Shadow about feeling alone, and not having anyone. Wanting to get away from everything.
Shadow
Follow me to the river,
Stay silent as I take this path
Sun beating down hot,
Almost within reach
Forgive me for not
Tell you my secrets
Forget the times
I yelled and cried
Unaware of your presence
If you must remember anything at all,
Think not of the white lies
Or endless nasty words
Just follow me to the river,
Do as I do
Hold me tightly,
Never let me go
They only friend I have;
Shadow.
I think Family Knows Best is self explanatory.
Family Knows Best
Family knows best that’s what they say
Then the cradle falls on bloodstained lace
“Calm down, you’re doing just fine”
Lonely was he and scared was I
The night he told me snakes could fly
This burning death inside my body
Deeper and deeper as I scream “I’m sorry”
Two nights now, I feel so old
Two years dead, I feel so cold
Night after night he comes again
To shed my innocence upon my bed
Tears of sorrow, tears of pain
Tears of hate, it’s all in vain
Drenched in filth, my mouth so dry
Next time won’t you just come inside?
But next time’s dead and so I sing
I’ll fly away on moonlit wing
Virgin youth so kindly rotten
Suicide rafters gracefully fallen
Slide your rape so slowly inside
Enjoy your sin one last time
Wounds so deep they can never heal
Fall asleep - this can’t be real
Oil and latex of sweet sorrow
The only evidence of this horror
Falling in silence of your dream
Sadism the vertex of this fantasy
So here I lie, alone at last
Consumed by the reality of the past
“Take your clothes off, make this quick”
Now I’m gone in one short click
Family knows best that’s what they say
But the cradle’s fallen on beneath parchment stains
So now I’m dying – such a disgrace
Naked and alone upon my crimson lace
Released from hells sadistic torture
Darkness now – I feel no longer
Feelings gone and now my mind
An empty casket of hate divine
So here’s your wish, deep and true
Dead before I left the womb
Dreams are gone and so it’s time
Strangled by crimson lace, line by line
Feel my pulse as it weakens
No more shedding of my innocence
This is my freedom; deaths final kiss
I was real, you just couldn’t see it
I wrote A Moment In Time about life.
A Moment In Time
A mother's welcoming arms holding her new baby girl
Crying, Crawling, Walking, Talking
An older sister's hand on the first day of school
Playing, Writing, Running, Laughing
A father's voice lecturing in point of boyfriends
Fighting, Dating, Growing, Working
A family's clapping hands on graduation
Smiling, Encouraging, Applying, Schooling
A boyfriend's sparkling eyes upon proposal
Kissing, Loving, Marrying, Maturing
A friend's smile when told of pregnancy
Mothering, Exciting, Raising, Nuturing
A co-worker's joy upon retirement
Vacationing, Relaxing, Spending, Cruising
A grandchild's tears when learning of sickness
Worrying, Dying, Mourning, Accepting
And all is quiet,
You're out of time.
I wrote Help when I wanted to self harm. I didn't do it, so it was a good way of expressing myself, and how I usually feel when I can't stop myself from doing it.
Help
Crying, shaking.
It hurts.
Everything hurts.
Throat tightens,
Jaw locks,
Panic rushes,
Fast, fast, dying, dying.
Fast, fast, dying, dying.
Fast, fast, dying, dying.
Fast, fast, dying, dying.
Done.
Take the razor
Watch it, hold it, rub it.
Crying, watching, holding, rubbing.
Dig down slowly,
Gash, gash, gash.
Gash, gash, gash.
God, please don't let me.
Make me stop.
I crave the blood, the pain, the rush.
Please, make me stop.
Someone help me, someone come.
Hold me, hold me,
Help me, help me,
Make it
GONE!
I wrote Illusion of me about people that I think are perfect. This isn't about me. I think it could be about anyone. No one is perfect, and when we look at someone we don't see ALL of them, only what they want to show us.
Illusion of me
Young girl, what do you see,
What do you see when you look at me?
Do you see my eyes and how they shine
Can you look right through me thinking everything is fine?
Look at me, walking with my friends
Acting cool, keeping up with the trends.
I'm flawless, I'm perfect, thinking life is fair
I'm nothing but sea blue eyes and flowing golden blonde hair.
My boyfriend is wondeful, handsome and kind
Life is beautiful, no reason to have much on my mind.
Young girl, don't you understand, I am not what you see
You don't see anyone when you look at me.
I'm not happy, nor am I bright
I'm alone, looking for light.
Look through the sea blue eyes and flowing golden blonde hair
Fine who I really am, young girl; if you look it's all there.
With my plastic smile, friends who like me for who I'm not
Sorry young girl, sorry I'm not what you thought.
What I am young girl, is not what you see
What you're looking at, young girl, is the illusion of me.
I had a session with Lindsay today and I went back (in a visualization) to when I was 5/6. It was really scary, and it was upsetting... But I found it helpful. I wrote this a few minutes ago and I guess it explains itself. (Oct.29/2006). I know the rhyming is a bit silly.
Back
Snap back, reality to past.
I see you. Right there.
You're happy, content, innocent and free.
I smile widely watching the child who is me.
Running and laughing, jumping around.
Giggling loudly and rolling all over the ground.
You look at me, curious and walk over, bitting your lip.
"I know who you are" you reach for my hand and tighten your grip.
Holding your hand gently, I slowly kneel down.
Your eyes dart around, then focus on mine.
"I'm scared..." you begin, I interrupt, "It will be just fine".
I see innocence fading, as you look up at me.
Tears fill your eyes, reaching out, yet ashamed, something a child should never be.
Wrapping my arms around you, I hold on to you tight,
My eyes open, it's just you and me, not a person in sight.
I'm still holding, protecting, this five year old who I am...
Total hits to my website. Not this page, but the entire site. :-)