feeling is good
6.27.2007_9:36 am
search for delicious
6.24.2007_10:49 am
i'm on a quest to find some brown shoes. i gave my sister the one pair i had after they gave me blisters and killed my feet. you'd think that the more expensive ones would be more comfortable. that is so wrong. luckily i got them for $40 at nordstrom rack. i feel sorry for whoever bought them for $80. if anyone sees some nice brown dress shoes that with heels that are not too high, let me know. otherwise, i may just go back to target. too bad these are not still available:
also, my nephew asked my sister when he was going to get boobs.
break
6.23.2007_8:37 pm
you know when you watch something and it gives you nightmares? maybe that should only happen to little kids, but it still happens to me. i'm not so afraid of scary movies or whatev. in fact, i avoid those that have too much gore in them. i avoid action movies that have too much violence in them. i don't want that stuff to influence me. but sometimes real life is even scarier. in my social psych lab we watched this primetime news video about obedience to authority. this part of it gave me nightmares: mcdonald's hoax. it's kind of stuck in my head now, and i want to get it out but i can't. and it makes me hate the world and how stupid people can be. this is the field i am getting into. if i get into grad school, i want to do social/personality psychology. i don't know if i should toughen up or what. people do terrible things and i hate them for it.
in that video their recreation of the shock experiment showed women to be harsher in punishment (73%) than men (65%). that is also scary. you'd think we'd be more compassionate. all my life i think my dad has been very authoritarian. and i saw it yesterday when he got mad at my nephew for not listening to him. his first reaction is destroy destroy destroy. my nephew is only 5 years old. he doesn't know any better. my sister told me that she sometimes sees herself doing the same things to her kids that my dad did to us. i see myself doing mean things at times. i'm pretty confrontational and i am trying to stop. i can understand how my dad can be like that. his mom died when he was young and he suffered tons of physical abuse from other relatives. but how do we get past that? i don't want my childhood to affect my parenting. if i ever have kids. it makes me not want to have kids even more.
off the hook
6.21.2007_9:17 am
i feel kind of a disconnect. not just from family, but from everyone in general. will is in minnesota and i miss him. i got so used to being able to talk to him whenever i wanted to. now we only talk once every few days and it sucks. i guess things don't always turn out how you want them to.
i wish will was closer.
i wish everyone was more excited about the project.
i wish these shoes didn't hurt my feet.
i wish we could have one conversation without the mention of alcohol.
i wish i could get past what happened last summer.
i wish i was better at saying things.
i wish wishing actually helped.
i asked my sister why my legs were always hurting. it was especially bad last night. she told me i have restless leg syndrome. she said i have it "big time" and that she could tell anytime i was sitting on a chair. it is hard for me to sit still, but i didn't think it was anything serious. and i don't have insurance, so i can't afford to go to an orthopedic doctor to have it checked out.
on the bright side, it rained last night so it's not too hot today. i like rain.
she's just floating by
6.17.2007_10:05 am
it's sunday and rainy. it's also really slow at the library on sundays, so i sit around for a few hours doing nothing. doing nothing and thinking.
the other night yasmine spent the night at my house, and she slept on the futon in my room. she is afraid of the dark, so we turned on her nightlight, but she didn't think that was enough so she turned on the light in the bathroom. i can't sleep with any light at all, so i convinced her that the nightlight would be enough. i know every little kid is afraid of the dark, but i think i am still afraid of it, too. not so much the concept or being afraid of monsters under the bed or something, but driving home alone in the dark is scary to me. walking to my car alone in a dark parking lot is scary to me. i always end up thinking of worst-case scenarios, which is probably unhealthy. maybe because i am out of shape, i am worried that my fighting skills aren't up to their full potential. but i think i have always been like that. maybe i think about worst-case scenarios so i will be prepared in case something does ever happen. like in high school when brittany and i devised an escape plan if those shooters ever showed up. things do happen and we're not immune to them all. maybe i just need to get back into shape!
i am becoming very attached to my baby niece. she's just so cute and small and falls asleep on me and looks adorable. she is generally calm (unless she's hungry) and oh so alert! i may possibly spend some time at my sister's apartment (if she ever goes back home) to help her out with the baby. but i still have to go to class so i won't stay too long.
speaking of school, i got an A on my social psych exam. not a very high A, but still an A. that means i only have to get an A on my next test to get an A in the class. i guess it's a good thing because i plan on going into social and personality psychology in grad school. but i haven't done any of my research that i am supposed to be working on. i'm not really looking forward to watching tapes of people and marking every pronoun they use in their convo. it's such a tedious thing!
with most of the fsfs back in town, i really want to make another movie. i doubt anyone else is interested, but i still want to. it's not often that we're all reunited, and it'd be cool to do some big project together.
strawberry jam
6.13.2007_1:49 pm
it was time for a new layout. i've had the last one for over six months and it's gotten old. plus my photoshop skills have slightly improved in my cartooning. this is still somewhat similar to my green layout, but oh so different.
new musics that should be coming out soon/leaking:
animal collective
sunset rubdown
interpol
radiohead possibly??
new things i have but haven't listened to:
bjork
frog eyes
modest mouse
i am excited for the new stuff, but i still need to listen to the stuff i have!
today is my first test in social psyc. i am about to start/finish studying but i wanted to finally get this layout completed. i am kind of nervous maybe? the teacher is pretty cool. but there are only two tests in the class that will determine my entire grade. wish me luck!
annoyed
6.12.2007_10:11 pm
last week while working at the library, the girl who was supposed to be working with me didn't show. today, the girl who was working with me showed up 40 minutes late. i don't know if there is some sort of penalty for not showing up or for being late, but there probably should be. i mean, it doesn't really bother me that the girl was late. things happen sometimes that are out of your control. but what really got to me was that i saw her time sheet. she put 10 am (the time she was supposed to be there) instead of 10:40 am (when she actually showed up). i would be okay if she had put 10:30, but come on. it's annoying (and also crazy) that people lie about that stuff and it makes me think very poorly of her now. i don't know if i should tell the manager or whatev, but it really bothers me that she lied. :/
oh girl!
06.05.2007_12:20 pm
summer is here. and i feel like making a new girly website. but i probably won't for a while cause i am lazy. but that is one of my goals for this summer. along with getting some books read and all my research done and practicing for the gre and! writing my statements for grad school.
yesterday i witnessed the birth of my new niece, maryam. like the whole thing, delivery and all. i was the first one to hold her! besides my sister and her husband and the hospital staff. it was pretty cool and kind of scary? i think i will make her a 0th birthday cake. happy birthday to my knees (yesterday)! and happy birthday to natasha (tomorrow)!
i am working at the central library at uta now, and it's oh so exciting. and pretty easy. i just check in and check out materials. we don't even have to shelve the books cause there is other staff who does that. and i get to play on the internets and do homework and without getting into trouble.
