Title: "Up the Demi-Jon Staircase"
Story (out of 33 pages): 27 p.
Writers:J.M. Sweet and Jonah K. Eastman
Penciller: Ethan W. "Meat" Jackson
Letterer: J. Antwon Shea
Colorist: Theo A. "Jet" Swann
Summary
Carbuncle High is in desperate need of funding, but the mayor won't give Principal Stonehart a dime until he cleans up the school. So, he implements a series of "Draconian measures" in order to stem the disturbing tide of violence and hedonism. Within weeks, through a program of intense crackdowns on vice, increased security, and ridding the halls of graffiti and garbage, he brings the place back from a miserable cesspool into a sparkling, respectable institution of learning. Meantime, the Warriors becomes reacquainted with their old friend Jeanne Stonehart, who plans to finish out the school year at her uncle's "clean teen machine", and Jon couldn't be more pleased at this news.
However, another old "friend", and currently a guest at Apex Asylum, is also planning a little reunion. Demi-Jon--still smarting from his defeat in the July 2008 issue-- has also heard about Stonehart's reform program. He wants to get in on this deal, reasoning he could "liven up the place a little" in his own indomitable fashion.
Under the name "Damian Jones", and describing himself as his "distant cousin", Demi-Jon enrolls in Jon's school--and the same homeroom, no less. Jon immediately goes to see Alvin Cole, head of the sanitarium, who assures Jon that Demi-Jon is now reformed...in fact, the whole idea enrolling at Carbuncle High was his idea, and Cole agreed it would help speed the boy's rehabilitation. Cole adds that he made all the arrangements personally, saying that he is in the "business of faith in my fellow man". Jon is unconvinced, but resigned--after all, why borrow trouble where there is none?
All signs point to progress, and the once-devious double seems to be as good as gold. However, it seems only a matter of time before a very big hammer (very expectedly, as it is only part one of three parts) drops....
Notes
page 3. The Anti-Life Equation was the secret formula to ultimate misery in the universe sought by Darkseid in the Jack Kirby-penned DC Comics. It essentially stated that dependance was the ultimate killer and that to strip someone of their basic humanity and self-sufficience was to rob them, if not of physical life, than of any meaning to it--that is, ultimate despondance and a spiritual death.
page 4. The frogman emerging from a toilet is an homage to the movie Trainspotting, in which a heroin addict loses a suppository in a particularly nasty Scottish loo and--in perhaps one of the most disgusting and surreal scenes in cinema--actually climbs into the feces-filled toilet and swims about to retrieve it (possibly in some sort of opiate hallucination, as the interior of the bowl seems to resemble a fair-to-midsized lagoon).
It could also be a nod to the film Ghoulies, in which a creature comes up out of a toilet--while someone is seated on it--and proceeds to quite literally become a pain in the guy's ass, ripping his body to pieces gruesomely from the inside.
page 5. The hall monitor is modeled after the character Casey Jones from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, particularly the eighties version, which played him in more of a fairly one-dimensional manner than the comics or the later 2003 version (in which he assumed a more central, even sympathetic, role, though at times still prone to moments of violence or buttholery). He spoke in a breathy, bad Clint Eastwood-imitating drawl, never took off his hockey mask, and frequently expressed a wish to break something.
page 8. The man pictured in the TV image is Richard Reihle, a character actor who has appeared in many TV and fim roles for over two decades. This one is a still from the short-lived Ferris Bueller TV series, which lasted barely a season in 1990 and was so despised even John Hughes, creator of the iconic 1986 film, tried to kill it. J.M. Sweet acknowledges that Stonehart's look and demeanor are modeled after Reihle's performance as Ferris' perrenial nemesis Ed Mooney.
page 8. "Sam" and "Lucas" are a nod to two characters who appeared frequently in the old Rocky and Bullwinkle series, Edgar and Chauncey. Two old men, usually sitting on a park bench or some such thing, would observe the action, and one would say to his friend, "Now there's something you don't see every day. Chauncey." Chauncey would invariably ask, "What's that, Edgar?", and Edgar would make a wry comment about the action of the scene at hand. Chauncey would then give some equally dry rejoinder.
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Title: "Breast Implants Through the Ages"
Story (out of 33 pages): 4 p.
Writer: Jonathan M. Sweet
Penciller: Jonathan M. Sweet
Letterer: Jonathan M. Sweet
Colorist: Jonathan M. Sweet
Summary:
"Dr Ruthless Eastheimer" (Angela) details the history of the breast implant, from cavemen days to the medieval period to the Renaissance, and even wonders what the future may hold....
Notes
This story was slated originally to run with "Dizzy Doctors" (#207). Both stories were moved to #311, then--owing to production difficulties--the former was re-rescheduled for #309, and this one split off.
page 36. The use of the word "spectacular" is a reference to the Seinfeld episode with Teri Hatcher, who played a voluptuous girl Jerry dated whom he suspected of having implants.
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There are two pages of filler in this issue:
"Jonesboro and Columbine: Reflections, Ten Years Later." A thoughtful editorial on the problem of school violence.
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Jon's just learned that his dastardly double Demi-Jon is a new student at his high school! And you thought your senior year was the pits...Plus, Dr. Ruthless offers a tit-itlating tutorial on the evolution of faux funbags!
