Welcome to Skewed Reviews.
Here, we operate with extreme predjudice to all things Tim Burton. We ignore all rules of common decency and hold grudges like you wouldn't believe. Don't expect these reviews to be fair. We attempt to grade these movies based on how a true Tim Burton fan would feel. For those of you who aren't for some reason (mental illness), these reviews are for your entertainment only.
Some Explanations of Our Hate
george clooney: First of all, he was in the god-awful "Batman and Robin," which forever tarnished the pure and good reputation of the Tim-directed "Batman" and "Batman Returns." Sure, Val Kilmer stole the role from Michael Keaton first, but at least Tim produced "Batman Forever." He had no involvement with george's sorry excuse for a movie.
Also, as some devoted E! viewers may remember, there was this little special called "Hollywood's 25 Hottest Guys." Hmm. Pretty good list... except for the top two! In second place was JOHNNY DEPP! Second place? And who was in first, but ol' georgie boy. That forever cemented his special place of hatred in our hearts.
nicole kidman: All of these hatreds stem from her involvement in "Moulin Rouge." That stupid movie sucked away two hours of my life that I will never get back. Its musical numbers consisted of phrases taken from other songs that had the word love in them. Imagine, if you will: "Stop! In the name of love. Loving you, makes me feel so beautiful. And IIIIIII will always love yooOOouu," within the course of two minutes. Repeated on and off for two hours.
And, as some devoted MTV viewers may remember... in 2000 they had the MTV Music Video Awards, like they always do. The Fatboy Slim video, starring Christopher Walken, was up for best video. Now even if we weren't obligated to root for Chris W., it was still an excellent video. It was so original, unique... one person dancing, instead of the group dancing in sync (no pun intended) with a bunch of dancers behind them. But who wins instead? The video for "Lady Marmalade." At least pick a song that doesn't sound exactly like the song that its remaking. Just because the judges wanted to see a little more T and A doesn't mean that they should have taken this award from Christopher. Another reason why "Moulin Rouge" is evil, and another reason why Nicole Kidman is the Antichrist.
Chris Cooper: New addition to the list. As of the 2003 Oscars, I had nothing against him. But then he had to go and steal the Best Supporting Actor Award from Christopher Walken. You know who saw "Adaptation?" Oh wait, that's right... no one saw that movie!
(I just noticed how many of these stem from Chris W.)
