Michael: You think Stanleys grow on trees? Well, they don't. There is no Stanley tree. You think the world is crawling with Phylllises? Show me that farm. With Phyllises and Kevins, sprouting up all over the place, ripe for the plucking. Show me that farm.
Michael: That would really, really have shown them up, wouldn't it? We could have gotten some burritos or some colored greens or some Pad Thai, love Pad Thai...
Stanley: It's collard greens.
Michael: What?
Stanley: It's collard greens.
Michael: Uh, that doesn't really make sense, because you don't call them "collard people." That's offensive.
Michael: You may look around, and see two groups here. White collar, blue collar. But I don't see it that way. You know why not? Because I am collar-blind.
Meredith: A uterus is different from a vagina. I still have a vagina.
Dwight : You could get a brain aneurysm…
Michael : I’m not going to get a brain aneurysm.
Dwight : … or hit by a car …
Michael : Stop it.
Dwight : … or a bus, or a train. You could get poisoned, fall down a well, stop on a mine, choke.
Michael : Ok, if I step on a mine in Scranton, Pennsylvania and die, you can have my job, ok?
Michael : I want everybody to take a look to their left.
[Everybody looks to their left]
Michael : Now I want everybody to take a look to their right.
[Everybody looks to their right]
Michael : One of those people will be dead from drug use at some point in their lives. This year, more people will use cocaine than will read a book to their children.
Stanley : Where did you get these facts?
Michael : Are these facts scaring you, or are they not?
Stanley : They are not.
Dwight: So you got the fax? So why didn't you add it to the res-- What do you mean? Of course, martial arts training is relevant! Oh, excuse me! I know about a billion Asians that would beg to differ.
Michael: I watch the L Word. I watch Queer as [bleep].
Toby: That's not what it's called.
Michael: I'm friends with everybody in this office. We're all best friends. I love everybody here. But sometimes your best friends start coming into work late and start having dentist appointments that aren't dentist appointments, and that is when it's nice to let them know that you could beat them up.
Michael: I lost Ed Truck and…it feels like somebody took my heart and dropped it into a bucket of boiling tears. And at the same time somebody else is hitting my soul in the crotch with a frozen sledgehammer. And then a third guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief-bone. And I’m crying and nobody can hear me because I am terribly, terribly…terribly alone.
Michael: Where are all the hot people?!
Michael: Hi, children. I'm Michael Scott, and I am in charge of this place. Uhh...how do I make you understand... I am like Superman, and the people who work here are like citizens of Gotham City.
Jim and Dwight: That's Batman.
Michael: Ok, I'm Aquaman. Where does he live, guys?
Jim: The ocean.
Michael: I work with a bunch of nerds.
Michael: That would really, really have shown them up, wouldn't it? We could have gotten some burritos or some colored greens or some Pad Thai, love Pad Thai...
Stanley: It's collard greens.
Michael: What?
Stanley: It's collard greens.
Michael: Uh, that doesn't really make sense, because you don't call them "collard people." That's offensive.
Michael: You may look around, and see two groups here. White collar, blue collar. But I don't see it that way. You know why not? Because I am collar-blind.
Meredith: A uterus is different from a vagina. I still have a vagina.
Dwight : You could get a brain aneurysm…
Michael : I’m not going to get a brain aneurysm.
Dwight : … or hit by a car …
Michael : Stop it.
Dwight : … or a bus, or a train. You could get poisoned, fall down a well, stop on a mine, choke.
Michael : Ok, if I step on a mine in Scranton, Pennsylvania and die, you can have my job, ok?
Michael : I want everybody to take a look to their left.
[Everybody looks to their left]
Michael : Now I want everybody to take a look to their right.
[Everybody looks to their right]
Michael : One of those people will be dead from drug use at some point in their lives. This year, more people will use cocaine than will read a book to their children.
Stanley : Where did you get these facts?
Michael : Are these facts scaring you, or are they not?
Stanley : They are not.
Dwight: So you got the fax? So why didn't you add it to the res-- What do you mean? Of course, martial arts training is relevant! Oh, excuse me! I know about a billion Asians that would beg to differ.
Michael: I watch the L Word. I watch Queer as [bleep].
Toby: That's not what it's called.
Michael: I'm friends with everybody in this office. We're all best friends. I love everybody here. But sometimes your best friends start coming into work late and start having dentist appointments that aren't dentist appointments, and that is when it's nice to let them know that you could beat them up.
Michael: I lost Ed Truck and…it feels like somebody took my heart and dropped it into a bucket of boiling tears. And at the same time somebody else is hitting my soul in the crotch with a frozen sledgehammer. And then a third guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief-bone. And I’m crying and nobody can hear me because I am terribly, terribly…terribly alone.
Michael: Where are all the hot people?!
Michael: Hi, children. I'm Michael Scott, and I am in charge of this place. Uhh...how do I make you understand... I am like Superman, and the people who work here are like citizens of Gotham City.
Jim and Dwight: That's Batman.
Michael: Ok, I'm Aquaman. Where does he live, guys?
Jim: The ocean.
Michael: I work with a bunch of nerds.