Sioux City News

Disclaimer: The purpose of this web page is for humor only and should not be interpreted as factual. If you don't have a sense of humor or don't find being made fun as a form of flattery then stop here. Otherwise proceed.

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The cat's out of the bag! Something that's been so obvious and insulting to Siouxland's intelligence for years now regarding the newscasts in Sioux City was unveiled for the rest of the world to see - SNL style. I was so stoked to see this and have had a hard time watching the local Sioux City News with a straight face ever since then. I guess I have SNL to thank for providing me with a cure I didn’t think possible. The contempt and disgust once felt has now turned to laughter and folly.

That's right, don't curse “em”, love them! But how we gonna do that?

Love them like you love a clown? (Hmmm, probably not since most people fear clowns more than love them)

Have sympathy like you do for the special people of the world? (I’m serious here – honestly try to imagine how you feel when you see a special person, this is nothing derogatory about special people).

Respect their educational background and experience? I think our esteemed local community college offers a one week diploma program specific and unique for the challenging career of being a Sioux City Newscaster with a guarantee of employment at any local Sioux City News station provided that you finish at least half of the program (roughly 2.5 days). Please note however that this diploma is only applicable for a career in Sioux City News Casting (not to be confused with a career in News Casting, Mass Communications, Broadcasting, etc).

Note of interest about this video: a prior drop-out of the Sioux City News Casting program can be seen in the sport segment mulleting about. If only he would have stuck with his education, just think what he could have been.

Moving on Siouxlanders… So after having seen the SNL skit are you able to differentiate the difference between a skit and an actual newscast? Or do you think the actual broadcast could be just another SNL parody? For me, I just view them as synonymous and it’s all bearable. Once again, thank you SNL for providing me with the cure to the Disease. My throat is finally starting to heal again after the many years of vomiting in it.

I don't know what's more entertaining, the real Sioux City News or the skit itself. You decide. Post your comments. Tell us how you really feel about the quality of newscasters and programming here in Sioux City. Name names! Use your patronizing humor (like SNL shamelessly did) to get your point across to the folks responsible for the years of amateur news and programming that resulted in SNL awarding us, Sioux City, the grand prize and honor of being the subject matter for this skit. Don't let the momentum of this humorous and patronizing truth of your favorite news programming die. Post comments of how proud you are of the great job they do or about your favorite things about them.

A few ideas:

Perhaps it is some sort of speech impediment you’ve come to love (like the sound of a screeching chalkboard. Hey! Not discriminating against people with speech impediments, but how does having one really go along with being in this profession? I guess in Sioux City it doesn’t matter). Or maybe it’s their inability to speak more than five words without screwing things up (a language that only they understand? Perhaps an elective in their 1 week diploma program they go through).

Maybe it's about how you are taken back by their looks…big eye brows, interesting shades of lipstick never seen before, new ways of how makeup can be applied (I think they all must have hired special effects artists NOT makeup artists OR is this once again one of those unique caveats found only with Sioux City News Stations?) Maybe it’s those lovely hairdos even… don’t you love how our "upper class" swanky local spa is so good and proud at giving their news anchors a total make over each and every day? I just love it!

Lastly, my absolute freaking favorite! That blond, poofy haired, chia-head girl or thing with all that energy who I’ve fondly nicked name "muffin-top" (based on how a certain part of her upper body regularily oozes over her supportive undergarment like the top of a muffin does, yum yum! I mean EW!). I'm NOT done yet! For those of you not liking that nickname, then you may simply refer to her as CrackJack. Say no to CRACK, JACK (you get the point).

Crack cocaine can ruin just about anyone's life. One example comes to mind for me of a once aspiring actress falling prey to the clutches of crack addiction only to find herself stranded in a hellish, "smellish" town disgruntled and having felt like the world had done her wrong, but wait, that was just her denial of the past, present, and future to come. To date, from what I last heard, this individual was still working at a local news station in Sioux City.

Insert visual aides here:

: A big thanks to our Siouxland viewers for contributing the above photos demonstrating how crack cocaine can have ill effects on ones life. We feel your pain (even more so when we see the still struggling addict from time to time on TV) NOTE : The above photos are not meant to imply nor depict any particular person or stereotype. Any likenesses are strictly coincidental, unintentional, and self interpretive :

Anyways, if you found humor in the SNL skit honoring Sioux Cities’ best, then hopefully you can find humor in my further interpretation of the skit (and why SNL would target Sioux City to begin with)

YES! Just as I’m finished typing this up, the re-broadcast of the news is back on AGAIN! I didn't get enough the first time. Must be 1 AM. Good Night Siouxland, sleep tight!

Keeping it real.

10/10/08 Update

Okay so I did some research only to find that the word muffin top was already coined and used to reference something a little bit different, but still relevant to Sioux City culture based on the many fine examples of muffin tops Sioux City has within it's own population. I have included some visual aides below to visually depict what a muffin top is for those of you that don't read (I didn't say "couldn't" read)

Cole Sear: I see muffin tops.
Malcolm Crowe: In your dreams?
[Cole shakes his head no]
Malcolm Crowe: While you're in Sioux City?
[Cole nods]
Malcolm Crowe: Muffin tops like, in disgustingly fat bellies? In low-rise jeans?
Cole Sear: Walking around like regular people. They don't see each other. They only see what they want to see. They don't know they're muffin tops.
Malcolm Crowe: How often do you see them?
Cole Sear: All the time. They're everywhere.

 Details regarding Sioux City's first ever 'Muffin Top' Pageant to come

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10/12/08 - New Poll Added