Grumpy Old Man
Grumpy Old Man
The flames from the coal fire flickered seductively up the chimney. George sat on his old tattered chair peeling a monkey nut. A speckle of saliva hung at the edge of his mouth. His wrinkled thin fingers pried at the shell of the nut with no joy.
“Shall I do it for you?”
“What?” George pretended he had forgot she was in the room with him. He grunted. “No. I can do it myself. I can manage.”
“You sure? I don’t mind,” she said, placing her knitting needles on the footstool.
“I said no, Kathy!”
“Sorry, I was only offering to help. You’ve been trying to peel that one for nearly fifteen minutes.”
“So!” His hands trembled. “I’m thirsty.” The speck of saliva had worked its way through the wrinkles of his chin dripping onto his lap. “I like to take my time with things.”
“You don’t have to tell me that.”
“And what does that mean?”
“Nothing. Sorry. You fancy a cuppa?”
George frowned and grumbled again to himself.
Kathy sighed and headed to the door and stopped by the window. “It looks lovely out there with all that snow. Everything looks fresh and new.”
“You should try going out in it then.”
Kathy spun around on her heels. “What!”
“Hum, you should try going out in it because…”
“Forget it, George,” she hissed. She swung the sitting room door open and stormed out.
Coldness rushed into the living room. George shivered. “Don’t leave the door open. I’m cold.”
“Well close the door yourself.”
“By the time I get out of the chair you’ll be back through sitting down knitting.”
George placed the monkey nut in his mouth and sucked on the shell. He worked it around his mouth, gently squeezing it with his gums. He felt the shell give way, so he spat it into the palm of his hand. The monkey nut floated in a pool of spit on his shaky hand.
“Kathy, get me a drink,” he shouted.
“What do you want?”
“Anything.”
With close inspection to the monkey nut, he noticed it had a very small crack in it. Licking his lips, he worked his jagged dirty thumbnail into the opening.
The flames on the fire died down.
Kathy stormed back through the door with a glass of water and held it in front of George’s face.
“What’s that?” he asked.
“Water.”
“I don’t like water.”
“You said anything.”
“Well I want milk.”
Kathy’s left eye twitched. “Fine.”
George watched her walked out of the room. “You could have closed the door.”
He twisted around on his chair and pulled his chequered blanket over his shoulders. “God damn, woman.”
His concentration was back to the monkey nut. He managed to work his thumbnail slightly further in, but it would not crack open.
Kathy stormed back through the door again, this time with a glass of milk and held it in front of George’s face. He placed the monkey nut on his lap and took the glass off her. He sipped it slowly and held it back out to her.
“I can’t drink that.”
“Why?”
“It’s cheesy.”
“Cheesy?”
“Yes it’s off, cheesy. I’ll have a cup of tea instead.”
“Tea,” Kathy snapped. She stood for a short while in front of him staring at his wrinkled face. He ignored her and picked at the monkey nut again. Kathy left the room. In the distant, George could hear her slamming the doors in the kitchen.
The flames in the fireplace no longer existed.
George squeezed the monkey nut between his finger and thumb. The shell still would not break. He scraped thin layers of the shell off with his dirty thumbnail. His beady eyes shone with glee.
The kettle whistled. A few moments later, Kathy returned with his cup of tea. She stood patiently in front of him holding it on a saucer. George sat with his head down watching his fingers trying to break the nut free.
“Your cuppa.”
“Yes, hang on.”
Kathy stood and watched George’s fingers feebly spin the nut around for five minutes. Then George placed the monkey nut on his lap again. He took the cup of tea from Kathy and sipped it slowly then he spat it out over Kathy’s shoes.
“So, what’s wrong with that then?” she asked.
“I can’t drink that.”
“I gather that. Why?”
“You’ve used that cheesy milk in it.”
“I have not.”
“Liar. You have.”
“I opened a new bottle of milk for that.”
“Don’t lie to me. I can taste it. Here take this away.”
“So what do you want to drink now?”
“Nothing. I’m not thirsty any more.”
Kathy took the cup and put it in the kitchen. She walked back into the sitting room and closed the door. She looked out of the window; the snow had started to fall again. She smiled and sat down in the chair opposite George. She looked at the fire and frowned.
“You’ve let the fire die,” she said. “You could have put more coal on it.”
“How can I. You know I don’t have the strength in me to poke the fire, and I couldn’t bend to pick up the coal to put it on,” George snapped back. “And there’s no coal left in the bucket any way. ”
“But I filled it about an hour ago. There’s no way all that coal has been used.”
“Well what do you think has happened to it? I gather you think I have ate it or the bloody tooth-fairy has decided to start stealing coal, because she’s not making enough money from teeth.”
“I’ll go fetch more coal.” Kathy picked up the bucket and headed outside to the coal shed.
George picked up his monkey nut and started fumbling with it again. A gust of wind blew the front door wide open, and then it sucked it shut with a bang. A few moments later, there was a knock on the door.
“Kathy, the door,” George yelled.
The doorknocker banged several times.
“Kathy, open the door.”
“I can’t,” Kathy’s voice said faintly. “I’m the one outside trying to get back in!”
“So, you can’t open the door then,” George laughed. “Hang on.”
George squeezed the monkey nut, shook his head, and placed it on the arm of his chair. He slowly edged himself out of his chair and wrapped the chequered blanket around his body, and then he slid his feet slowly over the carpet edging himself to the front door.
“George!”
“I’m coming, give is a chance will you. I’m going as fast as I can.”
He finally reached the front door. “You know my hands aren’t like they used to be, this latch is very stiff.” After a few attempts, he managed to get the door open. Kathy stood outside with the bucket of coal covered in snow.
“You’re right you are,” George said.
“What?”
“You look lovely, all fresh and new.”
“Oh, sod off George!” Kathy yelled. She pushed her way past George into the living room shivering.
George closed the door and ran back to his chair. He sat down, picked up the monkey nut, and started scraping at the shell again.
Kathy put the bucket of coal down by the fire. Her eyes scanned around the fireplace.
“George where’s the firelighters?”
“I don’t know.”
Kathy frowned at him. She searched around the fire thoroughly but couldn’t find them; then she noticed the newspapers were missing too.
“And I gather you have no idea where the newspapers are either?”
George held his head down and sat quietly.
“George, do you know where they are or not?”
George did not answer.
Kathy walked over to him and put her hand on his shoulder. “What’s wrong?”
“Kathy,” he sobbed.
“George? Please tell me, what’s wrong?” Kathy asked concerned.
“I’ve wet myself.”
“What! You are joking.”
“It must have been the cold. It’s terrible on my water works.”
“Oh, George.”
“I can’t manage to wash myself.”
“Don’t you worry about that? I’ll have to help you. Stand up lets get you to the bathroom.”
Kathy walked behind his chair to hold it still and paused. She couldn’t believe her eyes.
“George.”
“What.”
The front door slammed then a shrill voice shouted, “I’m home.”
“I can’t believe it,” Kathy said annoyed.
“Believe what,” asked the shrill voice.
Kathy stood in front of George. “Stuff this. No wonder no one wants to work here. You are a horrible old man. I will be reporting you.” Kathy grabbed her knitting bag and stormed out of the room. “I don’t know how you live with that man.” Kathy left slamming the front door.
“George,” the shrill voice said, “What have you done to that poor lady.”
“You had to come back early didn’t you, Gladys.”
“Why. What were you up to?”
“I was just about to get a bath from her.”
“Oh, sorry. Did you do the thing with the drinks? That drives them up wall,” Gladys asked.
“Yeah, that was a great idea of yours. You should have seen her face. I managed to get her locked outside too without trying,” George said with excitement.
“How long for?”
“Nearly fifteen minutes,” he said proudly.
“That’s not fair. You’ve beat my record I only managed to get the last carer locked outside for eleven minutes.”
“That’s twelve of them now altogether.”
“Yes. I wonder who we are going to get tomorrow. That is if they send anyone,” Gladys chuckled.
“Well we did tell our son we don’t need any one looking after us.”
“Do you think he’ll be mad when he finds out?”
“Nah,” George replied. He picked up the monkey nut, pulled it apart with ease, licked his lips, and ate the nut.
George stood up and wrapped the blanket around his wife. Then walked behind his chair quickly, bent over, and picked up the box of firelighters and a few lumps of coal off the newspaper, then he started to set the fire up again.
