PhatShark

I am Hammurabi. And this is my Babylon.

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Shark71's guide to the world's Religons!Well, These aren't even blogs so they're more like....articles now I guess. Anyhoo, about two weeks ago or so, me and my World History class did an assignment on ancient chinese religous/social systems: Confucism, Taoism, and Legalism. When I learned more about these religons I began to think: "Hey, those people wern't the chink pagan God worshipers I thought they were!" My view on the world religons were completely changed. I just kid when I say that I thought orientals were pagan worshipers, but having been to and kicked out of a Catholic school kinda lowered my faith in humanity....since I was protestant and all.....(I hated Catholic school, all the girls were ugly fugly)So I have compiled yet another infamous list of Sharkitudes: FOR RELIGON!

Christianity: The worlds largest religon, Christianity has over 2.1 billion folowers and is oficially the worlds largest religon. They (including me) believe that the savior of all the human race was a man named Jesus (If you don't know who he is you're brain hags in your pants) and that he is the only way into heaven. (God's pad) You're sure to fit into the American demographic if you go with this, but BEWARE: Hell, Pedophile priests, the Devil, adultery being wrong, and honoring your parents! (Yikes!)

Islam: Originated as a sort of compromise religon between Judaism and Christianity, It follows the simple teachings of a prophet named Muhammed (hope I spelled his name right). The three basic principals of Islam are: Don't smoke, Don't drink, don't Gamble. And cover...your...women...up....I guess... I like this religon because it is relatively young and has a solid foundation of 1.3 billion followers and still identifies other unique philosophers as prophets as well. No real reason to join this religon though unless if you're a Black Panther, or a man. Probably not a woman though. BEWARE: Mant die hard Americans may identify you as a "Raghead" and tell you to "Hijack a plane" or "Praise Allah" what illustrious and original nicknames!

Judaism: You like money! Actually.....well yes. 14 million followers, and the good ol' TORAH! (Jewish and rather outdated versin of the bible) Jews don't believe that Jesus was the Messiah, so they're waiting for another savior to come and take them at the end of the world. Jews don't believe in hell, but they do believe in an even more boooooorrring and arguably worse place called "limbo" or Ghost Town as I like to call it. Jews oficially become adults at the age of 13 (for all you fap-o-matics out there) and have some great Bar-Mitzvahs. Even sweeter though are the Jew beanies. (Or Yamacas as they're called). BEWARE OF: Palistinians, anti-simetics, Nazis, Neo-Nazis, Scandanavian wizards, Romans, Catholics, Babylonians, Mel Gibson....etc. (Whew! you guys have LOTS of enemies!)

Buddhism: Buddhist follow the conclusions made by a wise FAT GUY named Siddhartha Gautama that basically says: "Kay guys, religon will keep you from getting horribly ill, making you crazy, and dying a horrible painful DEATH. Now we got that out of the way let's move in! LEEEEROOOOOY!" A suprisingly large amount of teenagers haver been found to change from christianity and judaism, so they think they won't have to suck up to their parents. Good move right? WRONG. Buddhism makes you not only formerly respect just your parents, but EVERY LIVING THING YOU COME IN CONTACT WITH!!!1!11 Nice move dumbass. BEWARE: Can't kill as much as a bug, lie, or have any material possesions. HAHA! Way to go digging yourself in a deeper hole!

Hinduism: 900 million and rising fast, Hinduism worships animal heads on people bodies. I think. It doesn't have a founder like other religons. Rather it's a colective of all the worlds eastern religons in a sense. I like it personally because of one of the universes three main gods. Vishnu-the protector that "Is infinity" I like him cause he's....blue....really deep blue. However, there are many gods in this religon that you can pay special respect to in your area of spirituality. Like Sheeva-the destroyer. Destroyer? Well, I dunno about her....maybe Brahma-oh wait, I forgot what he does. There's like 27 Hindu gods, so get cracking! Oh right, Hinduism has an unpleasant side. No It's not bathing in the Ganges River! (Maybe not as bad) It's the "Caste System". The Caste system plainly put: It sucks. You are born into your social status, and you can't go outside your caste either. Born a Hobo? Guess what? Chat with other hobos your WHOLE LIFE. Born a grave digger? Guess what? Necrophillia. Born a trader? No banging the noble's hot daughter! If you just happen to be re-incarnated into a caste it's looked upon as your fault. BEWARE: The caste system, FBI agents thinking you're a terrorist middle-eastern, bunnies and overpopulation. Oh- and the dirty Ganges river. *dirty dirty*

Atheist: Don' believe in a god? Depressed? Annorexic? Don't have much more to look foreward to? Atheism is 4 U! Though I think that Atheism is sort of an exterme way of saying to the world: "HEY! I FEEL APATHY TOWARDS THE IDEA OF AN AFTERLIFE! AND UH-OH YEAH! I DON'T LIKE THE OFFERING PLATE IDEA!" Though I can't blame athiests for being athiests...1.1 billion.....maybe Jesus was an alien.....BEWARE: Jehovah's witness, bulemia, looking weird in the 711, and the word Atheist!

Agnostic: Included folowers in atheist statistic, Theese dudes don't think it's possible for humans to comprehend the existence of the universe or god. Like atheists, but they keep an open mind. I like em! BEWARE: Holy thread ressurections on message boards!

Scientology: Alien souls...Souls escape....A volcano...on Earth....Souls go into volcano....Volcano Erupts....Souls go into monkeys....We evolve into monkeys....Bush is a monkey.....Tom Cruise....BEWARE: Common Sense.

Paganism: Don't

Neo-Paganism: Do

Witchcraft: It

Nothingism:

Lovecraft: I era Cthulhu, I ere Dagon.

Pastafarianism: Behold his greatness! The deity which Pastafarians worship is none other than the FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER! 10 million followers and growing over the span of the vast internet, The Flying Spaghetti Monster created the world with his noodly appendage one day when he was bored and lonely. thus creating The world, mountains, trees, and midget. Created as a form of social satire focusing on the teaching of intelligent design in schools, the flying spaghetti monster's gospel preaches the 8 "I'd really rather you didn'ts" and has been nominated as one of the best books of 2006 in humor. The FSM has been spotted behind a building in Germany, and at the Love festival in San Fransisco so far. One intereting point made by the church of the FSM is the correlation between global warming and the decrease in the # of Pirates. Convert the masses at www.venganza.org

Keep it real folks!Steve IrwinWow....he's dead. Who knew the internet would have such an aneurism over it? He seemed so invincible, he was around for so long, and I somehow feel saddened. The net is having a field day over it! Just check out this tribute flash on Newgrounds.com.http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/337057I'll really going to miss that guy you know..... his charisma, his courage, his soul, and his short pants. Ah well, RIP Steve.Women: Ah here we go.....Why is it that wome like to be treated up to the point where they're untouchable? It almost feels like if you as so much as touch the sleeve of their shirt thet start yelling RAPE! RAPE! bloody murder in the middle of the parking lot in the plaza when all you wanted was the directions to the nearest Taco-Bell?

Women had to put up with their share of shit over the centuries I'll give them that, but if that bitch fucked some other guy, I will lay down the line! How you ask? That's right. Bitch slap. Beat her at her own game. But of course, don't just hit her without jurisdiction! Don't just get home with the stains of coal on your jacket, and the smell of cheap whiskey on your breath, and say: Woohooo! come here!!111! Sexism put aside, don't beat women. Unless if:

She did it

She knows she did it

Did it anyway

Then open up a can of civil order on her! Guys too! Girls, If you didn't do it, MACE HIS ASS!

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