See Lando Run :: A Lord of the Rings Humor Site

1. You break your arm by falling on the driveway when you try to walk along
the snow in your yard to "fetch" the mail.

2. You're really annoyed that the spell checker on your word processor flags
"prrrrreecciiooussss" as wrong.

*3. You try to teach your dog to sit by saying 'Havo Dad' to him!

4. You've even been stuck in slow moving traffic, leaned out the window, and
shouted "Fly, you fools!"

5. You are having lunch with a co-worker in the park, and you grab him/her
and hurl the both of you into the ornamental shrubs, because you saw a flock
of blackbirds approaching.

*6. You have developed a sudden *need* to take archery lessons.

7. You start looking in the phone book for places you can have prosthetic
feet and ears made.

8. You're riding on the chair-lift when it gets stopped by high winds and
blinding snow, when you turn to your companions and shout "We must get off
the mountain!"

*9. You bend over to pick up a stick to throw to your dog, imagine it is an
arrow and cry "Orcs!"

10. You start growing lots of shrubs and greens around your house and start
talking to the trees.

11. You actually renamed your pet "Baggins".

*12. While folding laundry you are seized with the urge to throw a sheet over
your head and hiss, "Shhhhire......Bagginsssss...." - and then wonder why
the other people in the laundry just look at you blankly.

*13. You dream yourself into Middle Earth and get confronted with an
incredible amount of curses out of your own mouth after your sleep was
disturbed by whatever. (grace: no curses, just utter disappointment and sometime confusing the dreams with reality. ie; dream about talking to elijah wood, ill wake up and feel special because i kno him then realize (sob) its *sniff* not true *waaaaaaaahhh* :'''( )

*14. You start to recite whole dialogues from LOTR word by word when one of
your friends asks you "Do you remember when Gandalf..." (i feel like im denying them if i dont)

15. Whenever you're having a problem you wish Gandalf was around to advise
you.

*16. You start self-censoring your LOTR comments to family and co-workers so
they won't think you're a total fanatic. They wonder why you stopped talking
altogether. (remeber; they may be dumb enough to NOT CARE *gasp* about dominic monaghans b-day (dec 8th HAPPY BIRTHDAY DOM!!!))

17. You are at the video store and see "Godzilla" and think... it's the Eye
of Sauron!

18. When your bus is twenty minutes late, you start talking to moths just in
case you can bum a ride.

*19. You put a sign on your sister's/brother's door saying "There is evil
here that does not sleep". (*evil laugh* i will, don't worry, i will)

20. You have a very complicated journey to make, but it doesn't even occur
to you to bring a map.

*21. You have started practicing the "Legolas arrow stab maneuver" with
knitting needles. (or anything else. or nothing)

*22. When one of your teachers tells you to pick your groups for a project,
so you pick up your stuff and go to a group that's forming, saying, "You
need people of intelligence on this project...assignment....thing." (in my mind)

23. You consider asking out that really tall guy in your math class, just
because standing next to him makes you feel like a hobbit! (Or is that just
me?)

*24. You start looking at your friends' ears to see whose are the most pointy
(well, those few friends left, anyway...) (i admit it)

*25. You've changed the password on your computer to "mellon". (or other elvish words)

26. When your curse becomes subtle sounding now... "You Gollum" --- "Balrog
You"!!! (or you can just curse in elvish, sounds good, and i feel much better saying it. NATHA DAGAED THAER!!! *oops sorry)

27. You use the term "soft palate" whenever you give your blow-by-blow
description of the battle of Balin's tomb.

28. You have a favorite orc, and argue with your friends as to whether
"Hissy" or "Pink-eye" is cooler.

29. While sitting at your lunch table you suddenly realize that your friend
is an absolute elf look alike. Blonde hair, tall and pointy ears!

*30. While sitting in social studies, you suddenly notice that the name
"Elijah" somebody-or-other is on your drill! ELIJAH?? His birthday is
January 28........*starts droning on and on*

31. You're about to show the great poem you wrote to your sweetie, but then
realize that he won't understand it because he doesn't know anything about
the history of Beleriand.

32. You call Valentine's day "Aragorn/Arwen day".

33. You call out "Oh Viggo!" at a rather inappropriate time. (Or "Oh Sean!".
But not "Oh Elijah!" because that's just weird.)

34. You've gone out to a restaurant and, when the waiter comes to take your
order, you've actually asked for either:

a. Tomatoes, sausage, nice crispy bacon
b. Malt beer and ripe meat off the bone
c. Fiiisssshhhhheeeessssss.
d. Lembas
e. An Ale, and a bowl of herbs and stewed rabbit
35. You find yourself thinking your teacher is a hobbit and are convinced
when they mention they like mushrooms.

*36. You listen to the soundtrack constantly.

*37. When your younger brother tries getting into your room you shout "YOU
SHALL NOT PASS!"

38. When asked what your greatest fear is, you reply, "Sauron getting the
ring and enslaving the world".

*39. When you get angry at someone, you recite the one ring poem in the black
language. (Honestly, you really COULD freak someone out doing that!) (see 26)

*40. Find yourself referring to the movie in daily conversation. For example,
"Yeah I understand, just like when Pippin accidentally woke the Balrog..."

41. You lose a sock in the washing machine and sadly announce "It has fallen
into shadow".

42. You grab junk from the garage and attic and head for the nearest queue
(bank, cinema, etc.) and start handing out gifts Galadriel style.

43. You grab every gold ring you see and smash it with your trusty axe (your
new accessory), saving you the trip to Mt. Doom.

44. You install a second peep hole and doorbell 3 feet up from the bottom of
your front door in case any hobbits stop by.

45. You've ripped up all the plants from your garden and planted only
kingsfoil, for medicinal purposes.

46. Someone tries to cut you in the lift line, you throw down your poles in
the snow and shout "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

*47. You have a major, major crush on one of the characters - the character,
not the actor. (Haldir *sigh* plus, HE DOES NOT DIE!!!!)

48. You insist that you CANNOT have a gold ring - the risk is just too
great!

49. You go on a very long trip, walking, without any food, water, or other
form of survival tools (this includes rope!) just for the heck of it.

*50. You know each actor (including very minor characters), director,
producer, etc.'s name, age and where he/she lives by heart.

*51. You can hear someone talking about LotR or you can see the cover of one
of the books, or hear music form the soundtrack. from an amazing distance
away.

*52. You ask someone who is in the process of reading the books what page
they are on in Fellowship of the Ring, and you know exactly what is
happening just by the page number, or at least what chapter it is in.

*53. People have suggested therapy for your obsession. (obsession? what obsession?)

*54. Your good friend who has never read any of the books or seen the movie
points to the picture of Saruman on the cover of The Two Towers and asks,
"Is that Sam?" You burst into tears.

*55. Someone who has only seen the movie once points to Aragorn on the cover
of Return of the King, and says "Hey! That's the guy who tried to kill the
Frodo!" and you are mortally offended.

56. You rename your horse Bill.

*57. You can recite whole pages of text without referring to the book.

*58. You feel strangely comforted while reading this list.

59. You have the regular size calendar at work, the poster size calendar at
home, the key chains ...

*60. Your friends quickly introduce new topics when conversation lapses to
keep you from talking about LOTR (i always wondered why)

61. You believe you are being stalked by an orc when your cat just wants to
play.

62. You find yourself skipping third period (or sneaking out of work) to eat
elevensies.

*63. Even if your not American you find yourself rooting for Todd Eldrige
just because he skated to Lord of the Rings (soooo cooool!!!)

64. You start referring to people you like as mellon

65. You actually talk about Tolkien in a job interview for the government.

66. You swear that you heard Black Riders outside your house so you go
outside with a torch and find out it was only the night patrol.

67. When you're hiking on nature trails, you find yourself hiding behind (or
in) trees every time you hear foot steps.

68. You swear that you saw orc eyes in the last cave you visited.

*69. You wonder why Elvish is not included in the world languages part of
your course calendar.

70. People stop asking you what you did last weekend because it always
starts.. "Well, I saw LOTR..."

71. You start seeing LOTR phrases in daily life: boarding pass = you shall
not pass, electrical = elvish

*72. It's getting hard to have conversations in which you use your own words
rather than just quoting LOTR.

73. Since you don't want popcorn you ask the movie theatre staff if you can
just buy the LOTR plastic popcorn bucket by itself.

74. In anticipation of the coming movies, you then put said LOTR popcorn
bucket on your head and proclaim aloud, "I am Eowyn, and I don my helm of
Rohan".

*75. You take a ring off a LOTR bookmark, find a gold chain, and proceed to
wear it around your neck.

*76. You already have reserved seating for "The Return of the King" even though it doesn't come out for another five months. ( i was going to, had the whole thing planned out, but the parents aren't too happy w/ the midnite-3 am timing. (wonder why))